Follow

Translate

NYC Psychotherapist Blog

power by WikipediaMindmap

Monday, January 12, 2026

Being Able to Identify Your Emotions Helps You to Build Emotional Intelligence

I've written about emotional intelligence (EQ) in prior articles (see my article: How to Develop Emotional Intelligence).

In the current article, I'm focusing on how identifying emotions helps to build emotional intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence?
Many people have difficulty identifying their emotions because they were never taught how to do it as children. As a result, as adults, they have difficulty developing emotional intelligence.

Identifying Emotions Helps to Build Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence includes the ability to:
  • Recognize, understand and manage your emotions
  • Recognize and understand the emotions of others
  • Manage stress
  • Navigate social situations
  • Develop stronger relationships
  • Build career success
Why Is It Important to Be Able to Identify Your Emotions?
Being able to identify your emotions helps you to understand your inner world which allows you to manage your reactions and navigate the world more skillfully.  

How Does Emotional Identification Build Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional identification helps you to develop:
  • Self Awareness: This is the cornerstone of emotional identification and EQ. Being able to name your emotions (e.g., "I feel sad" or "I feel angry") is the first step. Self awareness allows you to move beyond just saying "I feel overwhelmed" or "I feel bad" to identify more specifically what you feel.
  • Self Regulation: When you're able to name your emotions, you can gain the ability to regulate them.  This means you can pause and take a breath before you react.  This helps you to prevent disruptive impulses so that you can adapt your behavior in stressful situations and develop resilience (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting).
  • Improved Relationships: Being able to identify your emotions helps you to understand how you impact others. It helps to build empathy which can improve communication and build stronger bonds.
  • Improved Decision-Making: Awareness of your emotional state helps you to make better decisions by making you aware of when your judgment might be clouded by your emotions. This can help you to make more rational decisions.
  • Foresight and Preparation: You can learn to recognize and anticipate emotional triggers. This allows you to work on strategies to manage your emotions and to get help in therapy to work on the origin of those triggers.
Getting Help in Therapy
Even though you might not have developed the ability to identify emotions as a child, you can learn to develop emotional intelligence in therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to learn the necessary tools and skills to develop emotional intelligence which will allow you to be more self aware and improve your relationships.

Developing a better understanding of yourself and your relationships can help you to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:










 

Thursday, January 8, 2026

Why Do People Suppress Their Emotions?

Many people have a difficult time experiencing certain emotions in a healthy way so they suppress their emotions, which has health and mental health consequences.

Emotional Suppression

Which Emotions Are Commonly Suppressed?
The following emotions are the ones that are commonly suppressed among people who feel they need to hide these emotions:
  • Anger: Anger is often perceived as being aggressive or out of control (even for people who are experiencing anger in a controlled way). Frustration and rage, which are part of anger, are often suppressed (see my article: Fear of Anger is Often Coupled With Guilt and Shame).
  • Sadness or Grief: Crying or showing sadness or grief is often discouraged in our society, especially for men. This often leads to emotional suppression.
Why Do People Suppress Emotions?

Emotional Suppression
  • Social Conditioning: As mentioned above, many people are taught to be "tough" or polite which leads to hiding emotions which are perceived as negative.
  • Fear of Judgment: People who suppress certain emotions often fear that they will be judged or criticized for expressing certain emotions, so they suppress these emotions rather than expressing them.
  • Maladaptive Coping Mechanism: People who suppress certain emotions hide these emotions as a maladaptive coping strategy to avoid discomfort or situations they feel would be overwhelming for them (see my article: Avoidance as a Maladaptive Coping Strategy).
What Are the Consequences of Emotional Suppression?
The most common consequences of emotional suppression include:
Emotional Suppression
  • Emotions Resurface More Intensely: People who suppress their emotions often discover that these emotions resurface in a more intense way. They are also more at risk, compared to people who can express their emotions in a healthy way, for alcoholism, drug abuse and other impulsive or compulsive way
Get Help in Therapy
If you tend to suppress emotions that make you feel uncomfortable, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional.

Get Help in Therapy

Learning to express your emotions in a healthy way can help you to be more self aware, reduce anxiety and stress, improve health and mental health and develop healthier relationships (see my article: Learning How to Express Your Emotions in a Healthy Way).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed psychotherapist so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States), Somatic Experiencing and a Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Article:













 

Monday, December 29, 2025

Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

As a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in New York City, this is the time of year when I see new clients coming to therapy because they've decided to make important changes in their lives. This is the time of year when many of us take stock, think about our lives, and make New Year's resolutions about the things that we want to change about ourselves. 


Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

At the beginning of the New Year when people make their New Year's resolutions, many people start with enthusiasm, motivation and determination to make the changes that they want to see in their lives. 

However, after a month or two, many of those same people get frustrated and discouraged when they don't see the changes happening fast enough, and they abandon their efforts. When you work with a licensed mental health professional who has advanced training in clinical hypnosis, you're able to work more deeply on the unconscious issues that keep you from making the changes that you want to make. It's not as much of a struggle as when you try to do it on your own.

If you, like many others, are at the point when you've made your New Year's resolutions and you feel determined to make those changes, here are some tips that might be helpful:
  • Recognize that Change is a Process: Since change is a process that happens over time, and usually not a one-time event, recognize that making changes, especially if you're trying to do it on your own, might take longer than you think.
  • Focus on Changing Your Behavior: Instead of focusing on specific results (e.g., wanting to lose a specific amount of weight by a specific date), focus on changing your behavior. So, for instance, instead of saying, "I want to lose 15 lbs. by March 1st," focus on eating healthier and more nutritious meals. When you focus on healthier eating habits, your goal will be a broader change that will be longer lasting, more holistic and more effective than planning for particular weight loss. You're also more likely to keep off any weight that you've lost when you have a broader goal.
  • Choose Only One or Two Changes at a Time: If you overwhelm yourself with too many New Year's resolutions at a time, you are probably setting yourself up for failure. Choosing one or two behaviors that you would like to change is more likely to be effective. As you see positive changes in those one or two areas that you want to change, you'll feel more confident about yourself. Then, after you've consolidated your gains in these areas, you can consider other areas that you'd like to change.
  • Decide What You'd Like to Add to Your Life As Well: When you decide to make a change in yourself, decide what you'd like to add to your life as well. So, for instance, if you want to stop smoking and you know that you tend to smoke when you get anxious, think about what pleasant activities you can substitute for your old smoking habit when you feel triggered by anxiety. Attending a yoga class, going to the gym, talking to a friend, learning to meditate, or some other healthy activity that you would enjoy, might be among the activities that you choose to add to your life. So, it's not just about "giving up smoking." The overall goal is to lead a healthier life, you're learning new coping skills for when you get anxious, and you're also adding healthy activities to create greater happiness in your life.
  • Recognize that You Might Slip Back into Old Behaviors: This gets back to the idea that change is a process. So, it's better not to engage in all-or-nothing thinking when you're trying to make changes in your life. Recognize that you might slip back into the old behaviors that you're trying to change. Plan for these slips so that you're prepared if and when they occur. For many people, this is the time when they become frustrated and they give up on their New Year's resolutions. So, rather than berating yourself and giving up, acknowledge that you're human, you had a slip, recommit to your goal and move on.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, AEDP, EMDR, IFS Parks Work, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples to make positive changes so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

I wish everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.



Friday, December 19, 2025

Relationships: What Are the 4 Cs of the Attachment Behavioral System (ABS)?

If you're looking for an excellent book to understand your relationship, check out Secure Love: Creating a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by Julie Menanno.

Relationships and the 4 Cs of ABS

I really like this book and recommend it to couples I work with because it has excellent information about couples dynamics, it's written in an accessible way and Ms. Menanno's theoretical orientation for couples therapy is the same as mine--Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT).

In fact, she and I were taught by the same two senior trainers, Sue Johnson, who developed EFT, and George Faller, a long-time EFT trainer and couples therapist.

Understanding Your Relationship Through the Lens of the Attachment Behavioral System
Ms. Menanno provides valuable information about attachment theory as well as practical information about how to understand attachment styles (see my articles about attachment styles below).

Relationships and the 4 Cs of ABS

What Are the 4 Cs of the Attachment Behavioral System (ABS)?
According to Ms. Menanno most couples' problems can be sorted out into four categories and knowing which areas you and your partner are struggling with can help you to know where to focus your attention:
  • Comfort
  • Connection
  • Cooperation 
  • Conflict
Let's take a look at each of these components of the ABS:
  • Comfort: This category focuses on how well you and your partner provide each other with comfort when one of you seeks comfort or emotional support. She distinguishes comfort from advice giving or trying to "fix" the problem. It also focuses on how well you can manage your emotions while you're comforting your partner.
    • Example: Your partner comes home from a visit to her mother's house and she tells you she feels down because her mother criticized her throughout the visit. This has been an ongoing pattern since your partner was a young child. Your partner tells you she needs your emotional support. Do you 1) attune to your partner's feelings and engage in active listening while empathizing with your partner's experience or 2) do you give your partner advice about how to handle the criticism the next time she visits her mother? If your partner has clearly stated she needs your emotional support. the correct answer is 1).
  • Connection: Connection refers to the emotional and physical/sexual connection you and your partner experience with each other. Connection involves emotional vulnerability. Emotional connection also involves having fun together. 
    • Example: When you talk to your partner about your day, do you 1) talk about the details of your day without expressing how you feel about what happened or 2) do you express your emotional vulnerability by discussing how you were emotionally impacted by what happened? For you and your partner to feel connected with each other, you need to express your emotional vulnerability or you will just be providing the mundane details of your day and you won't be connecting with your partner in a meaningful way. So, 2) is the better way to go.

Relationships and the 4 Cs of ABS
    • Example: You and your partner divide up the housework and sharing in managing finances. You also divide up the mental load by sharing in remembering and buying gifts for family members' birthdays and anniversaries. Even though you're better at managing interpersonal relationships, you and your partner have made a decision that he will manage the relationship with your mother-in-law because she responds better to him than she does to you.
  • Conflict: How well do you and your partner handle disagreements when you're not doing well with the other categories (comfort, connection and cooperation)? Are you both able to manage your emotions or do you get stuck in the "Blame Game" where you're hurling accusations at each other? Are you able to maintain respect for each other during an argument or do you get stuck in the same negative cycle over and over again?
    • Example: You and your partner tend to argue about money. You're a saver and he tends to be a spender. Even though you both maintain your own bank accounts with a third account for shared expenses, you keep telling your partner you could both be saving more for retirement if he would curb his spending. When you tell him that, he feels like you're trying to control him. You argue until you're both exhausted. Then, you each retreat and, after a few hours, you're speaking to each other again. Nothing gets repaired. Instead, resentment builds as these unresovled arguments continue to pile up without resolutions. 
Conclusion
Looking through the relational lense of the 4 Cs (comfort, connection, cooperation and conflict) is one way to look at your relationship to understand the positive aspects of your relationship as well as the areas that need attention.

Relationships and the 4 Cs of ABS

When you look at the 4 Cs in your relationship, you and your partner can appreciate the positive aspects and work on repairing the aspects that need improvement.

Getting Help in EFT Couples Therapy
If you recognize problem areas that you and your partner have been unable to resolve on your own, you could benefit from working with a couples therapist who uses Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) to help couples (see my article: How EFT Couples Therapy Can Help You to Improve Your Relationship).

Getting Help in EFT Couples Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a EFT licensed mental health professional who can help you and your partner to work through the relationship issues so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples to lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Thursday, December 18, 2025

Healing From Regret

Living with regret can be one of the most challenging experiences of your life, but there are ways to heal.

Living With and Healing From Regret

What is Regret?
Regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or has been done.

Examples of Regret
Here are some of the most common types of regret:
  • Not being true to yourself
  • Not expressing love or appreciation to a loved one
  • Neglecting important relationships
  • Hurting a loved one
  • Not acknowledging your part in an interpersonal problem
  • Losing touch with friends
  • Working too hard and missing out on important events
  • Bad health habits
  • Failed relationships (either not valuing a good relationship or staying in a bad relationship)
  • Poor judgment
  • Wasting time worrying instead of enjoying the present
  • Saying "yes" too much and not knowing how to say "no"
  • Saying "no" too much and not knowing how to say "yes"
  • Not pursuing passions
  • Not taking any risks
  • Living a small and unfulfilling life
How to Heal From Regret
Living with regret can be a painful experience, especially if you haven't forgiven yourself.

Most people are inclined to want to run from their feelings of regret rather than allowing themselves to feel it as the first step in healing.

Here are some suggestions you might find helpful:
  • Don't Run From Your Emotions, Feel Them: Although it's tempting to push aside feelings of regret, you can take the first step in healing by feeling them rather than running from your emotions (see my article: What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?).
  • Accept the Past: You can't change the past, so you need to accept whatever you did or didn't do that causes you to feel regret. Depending upon the circumstances, you might have behaved in a certain way due to whatever information or capabilities you had at the time. Acceptance doesn't mean you like what you did. It means you accept the fact that you did it and you will do better in the future.
Living With and Healing From Regret
  • Have a Dialog With the Internal Critic Within You: If you have been hard on yourself, you can do a writing exercise where you have a dialog with your inner critic. Acknowledge what your inner critic has to say, ask this part of yourself what it would like you to learn from the experience, make a commitment to do better and ask it to let go of its harshness so you can heal. When I do Parts Work Therapy with clients, I ask them to practice having a dialog in our therapy sessions with the parts of themselves that keep them from forgiving themselves or keep creating obstacles to their well-being. Often these parts want to be acknowledged first before they can let go (see my article: Making Friends With Your Inner Critic).
  • Practice Self Compassion: What would you say to a close friend or loved one who had problems forgiving themself? If you can feel compassion for them, can you extend compassion to yourself? Recognize that making mistakes is part of being human (see my article: Acceptance and Self Compassion).
  • If Possible, Make Amends: If it's possible without crossing a boundary with others, apologize or make things right.  If it's not possible to make amends because to do so would be violating another's boundary or it would be unsafe for yourself, act in their honor or help others. Examples of this might include:
    • Engaging in Acts of Service: This includes volunteering or helping in your community.
    • Creating Unsent Letters: If you can't have direct closure, you can write letters that you will not send because to do so would be crossing a boundary. The act of writing an unsent letter can be healing.
    • Focus on the Present: Since you can't change the past, focus on the present. Create new goals for yourself that align with your values.
    • Get Help From a Mental Health Professional to Change Your Behavior and to Heal: If you're having problems understanding why you acted in a way that you now regret, you can gain insight, make changes and forgive yourself with the help of a licensed mental health professional who helps clients with overcoming regret.
Also See My Articles: 


About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

















 

Tuesday, December 16, 2025

How is Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) a Psychodynamic Therapy?

In my prior article,  How is Contemporary Psychodynamic Therapy Different From Traditional Psychoanalysis?, I discussed the difference between contemporary (modern) psychodynamic therapy and traditional (Freudian) psychoanalysis.

AEDP as a Psychodynamic Therapy

In the current article, I'm discussing how Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) is a type of psychodynamic psychotherapy.

What is AEDP?
AEDP was developed by clinician and researcher, Dr. Diana Fosha.

See my two prior articles:


How is AEDP a Psychodynamic Therapy?
AEDP is a psychodynamic therapy because it stems from psychodynamic principles.

The psychodynamic roots of AEDP include concepts such as:
AEDP as a Psychodynamic Therapy
  • Exploration of Defenses: AEDP delves into how we use defense mechanisms (ways to avoid emotional and psychological pain) which were developed as a strategy to cope with overwhelming pain. This is a core concept of psychodynamic therapy.
  • Relational Focus: AEDP emphasizes the relationship between the client and the therapist as crucial to the client's healing. This is an essential part of psychodynamic psychotherapy.
How is AEDP Different From Psychodynamic Therapy?
  • Experiential and Focused on Emotion: Instead of only analyzing the past, AEDP focuses on the here-and-now to fully focus on emotions as they arise in the therapy using these moments as a catalyst for change (see my article: Riding the Waves of Transformation).
AEDP as a Psychodynamic Therapy
  • Accelerated Healing: The "Accelerated" part of AEDP refers to harnessing the client's powerful emotional experiences, including emotions like joy and grief, to facilitate accelerated healing (as compared to most psychodynamic therapies) rather than a slow exploration of the client's dynamics (see my article: How Does AEDP Work?).
  • The Client's Innate Resilience: AEDP assumes that people are hardwired for resilience. AEDP focuses on and amplifies what is already working for the client. This helps to build the client's existing strengths which promotes the client's flourishing. This is a significant difference from many forms of psychodynamic therapy which focus on the pathology (pathology in this context refers to mental and behavioral patterns that are dysfunctional).
Conclusion
AEDP uses psychodynamic principles, but it deepens and tends to speed up the process by getting clients to feel and transform emotions experientially within a secure, attachment-based therapeutic relationship. This helps clients to unlock their innate capacity for healing (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Therapy to Resolve Trauma).

Get Help in AEDP Therapy
If you have been struggling on your own to cope with unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with an AEDP therapist.

To find an AEDP therapist near you, you can search on the AEDP directory.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is trained in AEDP.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist with more than 25 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples to heal from trauma (see my article: How Trauma Therapy Can Help You Overcome Unresolved Trauma).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.



 

Monday, December 15, 2025

How is Contemporary Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Different From Traditional Psychoanalysis?

Contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy, a modern therapy, originates from traditional (Freudian) psychoanalysis and there are some similarities between them and many differences.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy vs Traditional Psychoanalysis

In fact, all therapy originates with Freud, but contemporary psychodynamic therapy has evolved beyond Freudian psychoanalysis in many ways.

Both traditional psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy are depth-oriented therapies that strive to get to the root of the client's problems, but there are significant differences between them.
 
How is Contemporary Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Different From Traditional Psychoanalysis?
  • Frequency and Setting: Whereas clients attend traditional psychoanalysis anywhere from 3-5 times a week, clients in contemporary psychodynamic therapy tend to meet once a week either in person or online.
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy vs Traditional Psychoanalysis 
  • Focus: In traditional psychoanalysis there tends to be a deep, extensive exploration of unconscious conflict, early childhood and dream analysis. In contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy, although the unconscious is important, the focus tends to be on current life problems, current interpersonal relationships, emotional expression and recurring patterns which often originate from earlier relationships.
  • Therapist's Role: The therapist's role is a "blank slate" in traditional Freudian psychoanalysis. The neutrality of the traditional psychoanalyst is seen as important to encourage the client's transference which the therapist interprets. However, in contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy the therapist's role is more interactive and dynamic. Instead of just focusing only on the client's transference, psychodynamic therapy focuses on the relationship between the client and therapist--in other words, it focuses on both transference/countertransference of the client and therapist. 
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy vs Traditional Psychoanalysis
  • Duration: Whereas traditional psychoanalysis tends to last for years, contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy tends to be shorter and more focused.
  • Goal: The goal of traditional psychoanalysis is usually to gain insight into repressed conflicts to resolve them. Depending upon the goals of the client, in contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy the goal tends to be improved functioning and self understanding for the client's current challenges.
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy vs Psychoanalysis
  • Accessibility: Compared to traditional psychoanalysis, contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy tends to be more accessible for common problems like depression and anxiety. 
  • Technique: Whereas traditional psychoanalysis tends to be Freudian, contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy incorporate elements from various other modern theories, including objection relations and attachment theories, among others, not just Freudian psychoanalysis.
My Next Article: 
In my next article, I'll discuss Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), a cutting edge trauma therapy which is a psychodynamic psychotherapy.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist who is a psychodynamic psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.