How Can Psychotherapy Help With Confusion Between Your Social Media Self and Your True Self?

In the current article I'm continuing a discussion that I began in my prior article, Confusing the Curated Social Media Self With the True Self.

Throughout this article, I'll use the terms "True Self" and "Core Self" interchangeably. Both terms refer to the innate, authentic essence of a person that exists beneath social conditioning, defense mechanisms and superficial personality traits. It represents who you are at your most grounded, unmasked and alive state. 

True Self or Core Self can be contrasted with the false self who, according to British psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, is a defensive facade built to conform to parental or societal expectations. According to Winnicott, while a false self helps us to navigate certain societal situations, an overdeveloped false self makes a person feel empty, detached and numb.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

If this topic is interesting or relevant to you or someone close to you, I recommend that you read the prior article first.

How Do People Get Confused Between Their Social Media Self and Their True Self?

People confuse their social media persona with their True Self through psychological feedback loops, digital curation and social validation.

Mechanisms of Confusion

• The Feedback Loop: Online algorithms reward highly curated, idealized versions of "reality". Many users internalize this positive reinforcement and, over time, they prefer their the digital versions of themselves.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Algorithmic Mirroring: Social media can act as a distorted mirror where it can reflect a "perfect" image back to the user based on likes, comments and shares.

• Cognitive Dissonance: Over time, a painful gap can develop between the messy real-life experiences and the polished, curated online profiles. Many people bridge this gap by pretending (and sometimes actually believing) the online version is their only reality (see my article: What is Cognitive Dissonance?).

Psychological Factors

• Hyper-Curation: Many users selectively post only their achievements, best photo angles and happy (or seemingly happy) moments. Eventually, they can gradually forget that the boring and painful moments are also real and these moments are also part of who they are in real life (IRL).

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

• Immediate Gratification: Dopamine hits from digital applause make the online persona feel more valuable and validated than the offline real person.

• Audience Conflation: People begin to perform for an invisible audience 24/7.  This performance erodes their ability to experience private moments without thinking about how they will post them.

Real World Consequences

• Identity Fragmentation: Individuals can feel empty when they disconnect from the Internet because their offline self lacks a clear purpose and an audience.

• Perpetual Performance: The pressure to maintain the online "personal brand' often leads to burnout, anxiety, depression and a loss of genuine spontaneity.

How Can Psychotherapy Can Help? 

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy like IFS Parts Work Therapy, can help individuals to disentangle their curated online persona from their True Self by underlying conscious and unconscious needs that drive the digital image (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Here's how Experiential Therapy, like IFS Parts Work, can address this modern psychological challenge:

Unmasking the Digital Persona

• Identify the Divide: Therapists can help with mapping out the specific differences between your offline reality and your online image.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Explore the "Why": Therapy can uncover the emotional and psychological drivers, including the strong need for a lot of external validation, fear of rejection or loneliness, that fuel the curated self.

• Expose the Feedback Loop: It can highlight how algorithms and "likes" manipulate your brain's reward system, which can drive you further from your authentic feelings.

Reconnecting With Your True Self

• Reclaim Somatic Awareness: Clients learn to reconnect with their physical sensations and immediate emotions rather than viewing their lives primarily through a lens of external validation and "shareability (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?).

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

• Clarify Core Values: Therapy can help clients to distinguish between societal and digital expectations to help identify what clients actually care about when no one is watching. 

• Build Self Compassion: Therapy can foster acceptance of clients' flawed, unedited and boring moments, reducing the shame that makes curation feel necessary.

Rewiring Rewards and Boundaries

• Implement Digital Detoxes: Therapists can help clients to develop structured breaks from social media to break the habit of self monitoring.

• Practice "Uncurated" Living: Clients can learn to experience moments that are purely for themselves without documenting them on social media.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Strengthen Real-World Bonds: Therapy can focus on deepening face-to-face relationships where you are accepted for your whole unedited self (see my article: What Are the Signs of Low Emotional Connection?).

My next article will discuss how Experiential Therapy, like IFS Parts Work, is especially helpful with these issues.

Conclusion

There are many ways discover your True Self, including meditation.  

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy like IFS Parts Work Therapy, has the benefit of using real-time emotional processing and relational interaction to uncover the True Self.  

Experiential therapy also offers relational mirroring as an interactive feedback loop, somatic and emotional enactment and personality integration.

Get Help in Therapy

If you are having difficulty with anxiety, depression or burnout, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in these areas.

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled psychotherapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

Over the years, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Confusing Your Curated Social Media Self With Your True Self

What is the Curated Social Media Self?

The curated social media self is the carefully crafted digital persona users present on their social media.

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

The curated self includes the conscious selection, editing and organization of personal content, such as photographs, achievements and opinions, to showcase a highly favorable version of a usser's life rather than the unfiltered reality.

This phenomenon transforms everyday users into their own personal "brand managers". 

The curated self can take many different forms depending on the intended audience: a professional image, a picturesque lifestyle on Instagram or carefully curated views and opinions on other social media platforms.

The Psychological Impact of Believing in the Curated Social Media Self as Your True Self

Although there are many positive aspects of social media, including bridging geographical gaps, finding jobs, learning online, my focus is on the psychological impact of believing in your social media self as your true self and how it alters your psychology, relationships and self worth:

Psychological Fragmentation

• Loss of Your True Self: You can lose touch with your authentic emotions, personal challenges and baseline personality (see my article: Living Authentically).

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Identity Foreclosure: You stop growing because you feel you must conform to a fixed online brand.

• Hypervigilance: You constantly monitor your behavior to make sure it matches your online image.

• Depersonalization: You begin viewing your life as only content to be documented online.

Emotional Consequences

• Fragile Self Esteem: Your mood can fluctuate based on audience engagement and shifting algorithms.

• Chronic Anxiety: You can live in a state of chronic anxiety due to fear of public rejection, mistakes or fear of being "cancelled".

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Loneliness: You can feel unloved because people praise the "character" or persona they see online and not the real you (see my article: Coping With Loneliness).

• Loss of Joy For Real Life: Real life experiences can lose joy unless they generate online validation or metric boosts.

Social and Behavioral Issues

• Superficial Relationships: You might treat friends like props or networking nodes rather than forming genuine human connections.

Confusing Your Curated Self with Your True Self

• Performative Lifestyle: You make major life choices based on aesthetic appeal rather than personal utility.  You can reduce real life experiences into experiences that are lived for the camera only.

• Impaired Empathy: You might view social issues and personal tragedy through the lens of personal branding.

• Social Media Burnout: Social media burnout is a state of chronic mental, emotional and physical exhaustion triggered by prolonged and compulsive engagement with digital networks, especially if you constantly compare yourself to others on social media and assume that their curated selves are authentic (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

What is a Digital Detox?

If you can identify with some or all of the problems mentioned above, you might be ready for a digital detox.

A digital detox is a time when a person voluntarily refrains from using digital devices like smartphones, computers, tablets and social media platforms.  

The goal is not to abandon technology forever, but to reduce stress, curb constant digital distractions and focus on real-world social interactions. 

What Are the Signs That You Might Benefit From a Digital Detox?

Consider stepping back from your screens if you notice any of the following indicators:

• Reaching for your phone as soon as you wake up

• Losing track of time while mindlessly scrolling

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out) when you are away from your device

• Mood changes like feeling anxious, irritable, angry, sad or depressed while browsing social media

• Disrupted Sleep caused by late night notifications or screen glare

• Spending time comparing yourself to others on social media

• Recognizing you have superficial relationships because you haven't made an effort to develop meaningful relationships

• Feeling lonely because your relationships are primarily online or any of the other psychological, emotional, social or behavioral issues mentioned above

How Can Psychotherapy Help

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy, can help by bridging the gap between your online persona and their authentic true self offline (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to:

• Deconstruct the digital mask
• Help build grounded reality
• Heal the psychic split so you can experience your true self

I will write more about this in my next article:

How Can Psychotherapy Help With Confusion Between Your Social Media and Your True Self?

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapy.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotaging Behavior

Becoming aware of your recurring self sabotaging behavior requires a willingness to explore your patterns with self compassion.

What is Self Sabotaging Behavior?

Self sabotaging behavior often begins with unconscious thoughts and emotions that create roadblocks to your personal growth, well-being, goals and success (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

Self sabotaging behavior usually involves a conflict between what you want and your unconscious fears or insecurity.

What Causes Self Sabotaging Behavior?

The root of self sabotaging behavior often begins in early childhood. This might include early messages from parents that you're not good enough or you're unlovable. 

These traumatic messages usually get internalized at a deep unconscious level so that, as an adult, you might not recognize the origin of your self sabotaging behavior (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: You're Not Defined By Your History).

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

Growing up in a chaotic, unpredictable environment can create a fear of change so that you remain stuck in unhealthy ways of being (see my article: How Does Shame Develop at an Early Age?).

In addition, you might equate what is familiar to you, including self sabotaging behavior, as "safety" even if you are aware that it's unhealthy. In other words, you might prefer what is known, including unhealthy behavior, to what is unknown, including trying to develop healthier ways of coping.

Self sabotaging behavior is often triggered by stressful situations. 

When you have little to no awareness about what triggers your behavior, your pattern continues because, instead of exploring what triggered the behavior, you fall into the trap of continuing to enact the same self destructive patterns (see my article: What is Self Abandonment?).

What Are Examples of Self Sabotaging Behavior?

The following are a few examples of self sabotaging behavior:

• Procrastination: Delaying tasks to avoid potential failure or judgment including self judgment (see my article: Overcoming Procrastination)

• Perfectionism: Setting unrealistic standards which causes stagnation (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism)

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

• Escapism: Using unhealthy coping skills to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions. These unhealthy coping skills might include excessive drinking, illicit drugs, compulsive gambling, overspending and other attempts to escape

• Relationship Sabotage: Pushing people away, avoiding vulnerability or creating conflict in a relationship as a way to create emotional distance

• Negative Self Talk: Self criticism which erodes your self esteem

• Avoiding New Opportunities: Ignoring or withdrawing from new challenges or opportunities for growth (see my article: Opening Up to New Possibilities in Your Life)

• Remaining Stuck in Unhealthy Familiar Patterns : Refusing to try new things because what is familiar feels "safer" even if it is self destructive

How to Overcome Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotaging Behavior

• Awareness: In order to change any kind of unhealthy pattern of behavior, you must first become aware of the pattern. This means that, instead of blaming others or "bad luck", you need to look at how you are contributing to your problems. Self compassion is an important part of this step because if your awareness triggers self criticism, you can get stuck in a loop of unhealthy behavior. This involves taking a step back and looking for recurring patterns of behavior. For instance, if you have problems with relationship sabotage, you become aware of your contribution to recurring problems in relationships.

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

• Identify Triggers and Recurring Patterns: Track your actions to identify your triggers and recurring patterns. For instance, you might realize in hindsight that a pattern of procrastination starts with your fear of failure. You can do this by journaling about your thoughts, emotions and behavior, including recurring unhealthy patterns. After you have identified the patterns, write about how you want to handle these situations.

• Challenge Your Negative Thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with realistic positive thoughts (see my article: Overcoming Habitual Negative Thoughts).

• Set Manageable Goals: Since feeling overwhelmed can trigger avoidance behavior, break down big tasks into smaller parts to reduce the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed.

• Learn to Be in the Present Moment: Develop healthy habits, like practicing breathing exercises and mindfulness, to be in the present moment rather than allowing your thoughts to project too far into the future. 

Get Help in Therapy

Recurring patterns of ingrained self sabotaging behavior can be difficult to identify and even more challenging to change on your own because these patterns often start at a young age before you realize it.

Get Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in helping clients to change self sabotaging behavior.

Once you have freed yourself from these unhealthy behaviors, you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Article:

Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior 

Relationships: How Toxic Shame Makes Communication Challenging

Toxic shame can make communication very challenging in a relationship, so I'm exploring this issue and providing tips on how you can deal with this toxic shame.

What is Toxic Shame?

Before we delve into communication issues, let's start by defining toxic shame.

Toxic Shame in Relationships

Toxic shame is different from healthy shame.

Whereas healthy shame is usually a passing, situational emotion, toxic shame is a chronic, deep-seated belief of being unworthy, unlovable, flawed or bad (see my article: What is the Difference Between Healthy Shame and Toxic Shame?).

• Internalization: Toxic shame is an internalized experience--usually internalized during childhood. It affects your identity ("I am bad" or "I am unlovable" or "I am stupid"). Healthy shame isn't about your identity--it's about your behavior ("I did something bad" or "I said something wrong").

• Duration: Toxic shame is chronic and pervasive and healthy shame is temporary and dissipates after a while.

• Purpose: While healthy shame motivates positive change, moral development and repairing relationships, toxic shame causes "emotional paralysis", defensiveness, self sabotage and social withdrawal.

• Origin: Toxic shame usually develops in childhood due to abuse, emotional neglect, severe criticism or other types of trauma. Toxic shame creates a belief that love must be "earned" (e.g., good grades in school and in other performative ways).

• Impact: Toxic shame often leads to perfectionism in an attempt to hide "the broken self", people-pleasing or severe anxiety (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism).

How Does Toxic Shame Create Communication Problems?

Toxic shame creates deep insecurity which makes it challenging to communicate.

Here are the main communication issues related to toxic shame:

• Defensiveness: Toxic shame makes individuals highly sensitive to perceived criticism. This can create a situation where even neutral comments can be heard as personal insults, which leads to defensiveness.

Toxic Shame in Relationships

• Distorted Perception: Toxic shame acts like a filter. This can make it difficult for individuals to accept love or believe they are worthy, which causes them to misunderstand or ignore their partner's positive expressions of affection.

• Emotional Withdrawing and Stonewalling: Toxic shame causes individuals to protect themselves from vulnerability by shutting down, withdrawing emotionally and/or physically, which can cause the other partner to feel lonely and abandoned (see my article: Are You a Stonewaller?).

• Anger and Aggression: Toxic shame can manifest as anger or aggression where one partner responds to vulnerability or conflict by lashing out, blaming or engaging in contemptuous behavior to deflect from feelings of inadequacy.

Toxic Shame and Perfectionism

• Perfectionism and Masking: An intense feeling of being "found out" as being inadequate can lead to hiding true feelings, maintaining a "perfect" facade and avoiding honest and open conversations about fears and insecurities.

How to Communicate With a Partner Who Has Toxic Shame

Julie Menanno, LMFT, an Emotionally Focused Therapist for couples discusses communication problems in her book, Secure Love.

As Ms. Menanno indicates, communicating with a partner who has toxic shame requires a "safe space" (see my article: Creating a Safe Haven For Each Other).

Here are some suggestions that can be helpful if you have a partner who experiences toxic shame:

• Validate Before Solving: Listen to your partner's emotional experience first without immediately jumping into a problem solving mode. Recognize that your partner might be acting out of toxic shame and pressure, so try not to take their words personally (see my article: What is Validation and Why Is It Such a Powerful Relationship Skill?).

• Use "I" Statements: Use "I" statements to express your feelings to avoid putting your partner on the defensive. An example would be: "I feel lonely when we don't talk for a few days" instead of "You always ignore me".

Teamwork in a Relationship

• Work Together on the Problem as a Team: Instead of attacking your partner, attack the problem together. Instead of saying "You did this wrong", say "I know this is a tough situation for both of us." Approach the problem in the spirit of teamwork to deal with it.

• Provide Reassurance: Since toxic shame can make your partner feel unworthy, remind your partner of your love and commitment.  

• Create Safe Openings: If your partner shuts down, create a safe opening by saying, "I notice you're distant. I care about you and I want to understand."

• Avoid "Why" Questions: Why questions like "Why did you do that?" can sound accusatory and trigger defensive reactions.

• Take Breaks: If the conversation gets too heated, take a short break and come back to it when you're both calmer (see my article: Breaking the Negative Cycle in Your Relationship).

• Prioritize Your Own Safety: If your partner is causing you harm, it's important to prioritize your own safety. Don't isolate. Talk to trusted loved ones and get support.

Getting Help in EFT Couples Therapy

If you and your partner have been unable to resolve problems between you, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an EFT couples therapist (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples?.)

Getting Help in EFT Couples Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek professional help so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT) for Couples, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Managing Emotions: What is the Life Cycle of an Emotion?

Many people struggle with allowing themselves to experience their emotions. 

The Life Cycle of Emotions

This is often because they were taught at a young age, either directly or indirectly, that certain emotions need to be controlled or suppressed--especially emotions like sadness, grief, shame or other uncomfortable emotions (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: You're Not Defined By What Happened to You).

The Life Cycle of Emotions

In therapy people learn that emotions are like waves. 

They have a life cycle: They ascend, peak and subside. 

Driven by a neurochemical release, this often occurs in as little as 90 seconds (see my article: Developing Emotional Regulation Skills).

Emotions Are Like Waves

An emotion often starts with a trigger, intensifies as the brain processes the emotion and peaks when physiological sensations (e.g., heart rate) are most intense. Then the emotion will subside as the body processes the neurochemical surge.

Let's break this down further to understand the life cycle of emotions:

• The Rise: An event triggers a reaction which causes a surge of neurochemicals in the brain. The feeling begins as a sensation in the body. This might include a tightness in the chest, a flash of heat or the sensation of a drop in the stomach. 

• The Peak: Usually within as little as 90 seconds the emotion reaches its maximum intensity. At that point, the "reptilian brain", which is the oldest part of the brain, can take over and trigger the fight, flight or freeze response. This often causes an inability to think straight.

• The Fall: If the emotion is not stimulated again by further thought, the chemicals dissipate from the blood and the sensation subsides.

How Do Emotions Get Prolonged?

While the natural physiological wave of an emotion is short, emotional experiences can last for hours or days if you "feed" them. 

This happens by replaying a story in your mind, ruminating about it, and overanalyzing it, which creates another 90 second loop and another and another.

How to Manage the Wave of an Emotion

• Label the Emotion: Acknowledge the emotion ("I feel angry" or "I feel sad") to reduce its power.

Breathe Through the Emotion

• Breathe Through the Emotion: Stay present with the physical sensations without trying to fight it or suppress it (see my article: Square Breathing).

• Let It Go: Allow the emotion to pass naturally instead of feeding the emotions.

Conclusion

Knowing about the life cycle of emotions is essential for improving mental health, developing emotional intelligence and developing a better relationship with yourself and others.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Does Shame Impact Relationships?

Shame can lead to destructive behavior in relationships (see my article: Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame).

How Shame Impacts Relationships

Shame often causes partners to present a false self in their relationship (see my article: Becoming Your True Self).

How Does Shame Impact Relationships?

Shame often shows up as unconscious self protective behavior driven by fear of being seen as flawed or unlovable.

Here are some of the ways shame impacts relationships:

• Emotional Withdrawal and Distancing: A partner might shut down emotionally or physically, go silent, pull away to hide feelings of inadequacy which creates barriers to intimacy.

• Anger and Aggression: To avoid feeling emotionally vulnerable, a partner might externalize shame by becoming angry, contemptuous, critical or abusive (see my article: Communication Problems: The Horsemen of the Apocalypse).

How Shame Impacts Couples

• Perfectionism and People Pleasing: A partner might try to earn love by trying to be "perfect", which causes them to abandon their own emotional needs in order to please their partner and avoid rejection (see my articles: People Pleasing and What is Self Abandonment?).

• Self Sabotage: Shame can make a partner believe they are unworthy of love which can cause them to create conflict or push their partner away (see my article: Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior).

• Defensiveness: Shame can make a partner defensive, blame their partner or refuse to take responsibility for their actions (see my article: How to Change Defensive Behavior).

• Physical Signs: Shame can be expressed through body language such as tension, hunched posture, blushing or refusing to make eye contact.

• Controlling Behavior: A partner can behave in a domineering way to hide their feelings of inadequacy (see my article: Controlling Behavior).

How to Overcome a Negative Cycle of Shame in a Relationship

Here are some of the essential strategies for overcoming shame in a relationship:

• Vulnerability and Open Communication:  Vulnerability and open communication are essential parts of any healthy relationship (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Emotional Intimacy).

Overcoming the Negative Cycle

• Identify Triggers: Identifying each partner's triggers will help each person to be aware and try to avoid triggering and retriggering each other. Being aware of triggers can also help partners to identify and prevent the negative cycle in their relationship.

• Practice Compassion: Compassion, including self compassion, can help you to feel empathy for yourself and your partner.

• Own Your Mistakes: When you own your mistakes, instead of becoming defensive, you and your partner are more likely to be able to repair ruptures without creating long lasting resentment (see my article: Having the Courage to Admit to Your Mistakes).

• Build an Emotionally Safe Environment: Create an emotionally safe environment in your relationship (see my article: How to Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship).

Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

• Replace Shame With Connection: Share your vulnerable feelings with your partner. Instead of being judgmental with your partner, become curious. Create a relationship where you both feel seen, heard and valued. Aside from communicating verbally, rebuild closeness through shared activities like physical touch, hobbies or going for a walk.

Seek Help in EFT Couples Therapy

• Seek Professional Help: If you and your partner feel stuck, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is an Emotionally Focused couples therapist (EFT). An EFT therapist can help you to overcome the negative cycle in your relationship that keeps you from having a fulfilling relationship (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples?).

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS/Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To learn more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.