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Self-sabotaging behavior is a pattern of thoughts and behavior that can hinder your well-being, relationships, personal health and goals.
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| Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior |
Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Examples of self-sabotaging behavior include (but are not limited to):
- Procrastination
- Negative self talk
- Perfectionism
- Avoidance of opportunities
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| Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior |
- Avoidance of problem solving
- Substance abuse
- Relationship sabotage
- A pattern of choosing unhealthy relationships
- Overcommitting time and money
Why Do People Engage in Self-Sabotaging Behavior?
There can be many reasons why individuals engage in self sabotaging behavior including:
- Fear of failure, disappointment and rejection: Avoiding taking steps to prevent potential failure, disappointment and rejection
- Low self esteem: An individual's belief that they don't deserve to succeed or be happy
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| Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior |
- Fear of success: Success can come with additional stress and pressure
- Maladaptive coping: An unconscious strategy to avoid feeling vulnerable or avoid coping with unresolved trauma (see my article: Changing Maladaptive Coping Strategies: Avoidance)
- Cognitive dissonance: Behavior that aligns with a negative self perception to reduce inner conflict (see my article: Understanding the Negative Impact of Cognitive Dissonance For You and Your Loved Ones).
How Can You Stop Self-Sabotaging Behavior?
If you recognize a pattern of self-sabotaging behavior, it's best to work with a licensed mental health professional to help you to develop the necessary awareness, coping skills and strategies.
In addition to working with a therapist, here are some tips that might be helpful with certain types of self-sabotaging behavior:
- Examine the Root Causes: Look for self-sabotaging patterns in your life. Often, self-sabotaging behavior stems from earlier experiences or childhood trauma (see my article; How is Past Trauma Affecting You Now?).
- Stop Procrastinating: A common factor in procrastination includes lack of emotional regulation. Develop a strategy to take care of things as they come up so you don't fall behind in taking care of your responsibilities (see my article: Overcoming Procrastination).
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| Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior |
- Don't Make All-or Nothing-Decisions: For example, if you want to save more money, do it incrementally instead of saving your entire salary and then not having enough money to take care of rent, bills and daily expenses (see my article: Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking).
- Aim For Excellence and Not Perfection: This is closely related to all-or-nothing thinking. Make small improvements that further your goals rather than trying to achieve your goals all at once (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism).
Psychotherapy For Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Self-sabotaging behavior can be difficult to change on your own.
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| Getting Help in Therapy |
A licensed mental health professional, who has an expertise in helping clients to overcome self-sabotaging behavior, can help you to get to the root of your problems and provide you with tools and strategies to change.
People who engage in self-sabotaging behavior often wait until their situation is dire before they get help, so if you self sabotage, be aware that it's easier to get help sooner rather than later when your situation has turned into a crisis.
Getting help in therapy to overcome self-sabotaging behavior can make your life more manageable and fulfilling.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapy.
I work with individual adults and couples and, as a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome self-sabotaging behavior.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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