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BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Sadomasochism) is consensual sex that involves dominance, submission and control (see my article: What is Power Play?).
One partner takes on the dominant role and the other partner takes on the submissive role or some people are "switches" which means they can be in either the dominant or submissive role at various times (see my articles: What is a Sub-Dom Relationship? and Are You Curious About Exploring a Sub-Dom Relationship?).
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| BDSM and Bratting |
Some partners enter into these roles only while having sex and others live a BDSM lifestyle 24/7.
An important part of BDSM is that everyone involved negotiates the activities and willingly and enthusiastically consents to all activities (see my article: What is Enthusiastic Sexual Consent?).
According to a 2016 study, approximately 60% of men and 47% of women fantasize about BDSM (see my article: Sexual Fantasies of Power and Submission in Relationships).
BDSM is practiced across different ages, races, ethnicities and genders, and it's slightly more prevalent among people in the LGBTQ spectrum.
What is Light BDSM?
BDSM activities are on a continuum.
Beginners often start with light BDSM, which can include:
- Light spanking
- Light restraints/handcuffs
- Scarf or tie bondage/rope play
- Hair pulling
- Role plays
What Does Being a "Brat" Mean in BDSM?
Some submissives are known as "brats."
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| BDSM and Bratting |
Being a brat in BDSM is known as "bratting."
If you have a playful, naughty and mischievous side and you enjoy being a brat, you're embracing and expressing a natural part of your personality with a dominant partner who enjoys this kind of play.
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| BDSM and Bratting |
You can be as imaginative as you and your partner want to be with BDSM which means you can have fun and be creative.
A brat intentionally misbehaves with their dominant partner to get a rise out of them.
Brats often challenge their dominant partner by saying challenging things like, "Make me!" or "Oh really?" in a playful mocking tone when their dom tells them to do something.
The intention, although fun and playful, is to defy the dom's authority initially, which can be very erotic for both partners.
Being a brat in BDSM is known as "bratting" for subs who have this kink.
For many subs, being a brat is a known part of their personality. Other submissives discover their bratty side during BDSM play.
What Are Examples of Bratty Behavior?
The following are some lighthearted bratty behaviors that subs exhibit towards their dominant partners:
- Back Talk: This can involve:
- Talking back
- Questioning
- Resisting
- Refusing
- Teasing or taunting
- Responding to the dominant are taunts such as "Oh yeah? Make me."
- Engaging in other similar bratty behavior
- Push Back: These are small challenges to the dom that are fun and not contentious. Push back is often a way for a sub to get the "punishment" they're looking for, which is consented to, never mean, and negotiated beforehand. An example would be a sub provoking a spanking from the dom. However, not all brats want physical punishment, so this is a matter of individual preference.
What is the Dom's Role in Bratting?
Within the playful and erotic dynamic between the sub and the dom, there's a style of dominance known as the "brat tamer."
Once again, this is done with negotiation and enthusiastic consent beforehand from everyone involved.
Generally, the role of the brat tamer is to remind the brat about the rules and to enforce the rules which they both agreed to beforehand.
The dom must be comfortable being in control, dealing with the brat's taunts, and putting the brat in his or her place.
How to Engage in Brat Play in a Safe and Consensual Way
BDSM doesn't appeal to everyone and that's okay and, even among BDSM practitioners, brat play doesn't appeal to everyone.
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| BDSM and Bratting: Communication and Consent |
If you're curious about exploring brat play, you want to do it in a safe and consensual way (see my article: The 4Cs of Safe and Enjoyable Sex).
At the very least, you want to:
- Educate Yourself Beforehand: There are now plenty of websites, such as Beducated or OMGYes, that provide sex education about BDSM and all types of sexual activities. By educating yourself beforehand, you'll be better informed about what you and your partner might like before you try it.
- Communicate and Talk About Consent: Before you engage in BDSM, you and your partner might want to use BDSM fantasies as part of your sexual activities before you actually try BDSM. You also want to make sure that you're both negotiating and consenting to all activities, using a safe word, and engaging in aftercare afterwards (see my article: The 4 Cs of Safe and Enjoyable Sex).
- Be Creative and Have Fun: If you think you both would enjoy brat play or any other type of BDSM, you can start slowly, have fun and gradually become more creative over time.
Getting Help in Sex Therapy
Some people seek help in sex therapy when they want to expand their sex script, whether expanding their sex script involves BDSM or any other type of sexual activities.
Sex therapy is form of talk therapy (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?)
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| Getting Help in Sex Therapy |
There is no nudity, physical exam or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).
Individual adults and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled sex therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship and sex life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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