Relationships: Overcoming Fear of Commitment

Why do certain people have a fear of making a commitment in a relationship--even after the couple has been together for a while? (see my article: Are You Dating Someone Who Has a Fear of Commitment?).

Overcoming a Fear of Commitment

While the reasons for fear of commitment are as varied as the individuals who have this fear, there are often certain psychological issues:

• Fear of Losing Independence: For instance, some people fear that making a commitment to move in with a partner or to get married automatically means losing their autonomy to engage in their hobbies, spend time with friends or other activities they enjoy without their partner.

Overcoming Fear of Commitment

• Fear of Being Controlled: If an individual isn't in a relationship with someone who is controlling, a fear of being controlled or "smothered" often stems from childhood experiences. Talking about commitment can trigger a fight-or-flight response to avoid the fear of being controlled or dominated again.

• Avoidant Attachment Style: An avoidant attachment style, like any attachment style, is on a continuum. Some individuals with an avoidant attachment style feel they would rather be alone to protect themselves from the emotional vulnerability involved with being in a committed relationship.

• Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: Some people avoid making a commitment because they fear their partner will eventually leave them. By remaining uncommitted, they protect themselves from the pain of a potential breakup (see my article: Fear of Abandonment Can Occur Even in a Healthy, Stable Relationship).

Overcoming Fear of Commitment

• Unresolved Trauma From Childhood or Prior Relationships: Experiences like witnessing parents' unhappy marriage as a child, being cheated on by a prior partner, a messy divorce or other similar unresolved traumatic situations can leave deep emotional wounds. These individuals might associate making a commitment with pain and loss (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

• The Paradox of Choice: Individuals who use dating apps often feel they have endless choices. Some people hesitate to make a commitment because they fear they might be missing out on a "better match" which can lead to "decision paralysis."

Overcoming Your Fear of Making a Commitment

• Identify Underlying Fears: If you have a fear of making a commitment, especially if you have encountered this fear many times with individuals you care about in healthy relationships, you can start by identifying your underlying fears.

Overcoming a Fear of Commitment

• Challenge Your Thoughts About "What If" Scenarios: Take an objective look at your "what if" fears and ask yourself how likely these scenarios will occur. Separate out your fears from the past from your current situation (see my article: Feeling Aren't Facts).

• Don't Project Too Far Into the Future: Instead of wondering whether or not you'll be happy 15 years from now, focus on the present.

• Establish Autonomy in Your Relationship: A healthy relationship allows for shared time together as well as independent time to pursue other interests.

• Accept Imperfection: Nothing is perfect. As long as there aren't dealbreakers (e.g., one of you wants to have children and the other doesn't), accept that no relationship is perfect. Focus on teamwork with your partner.

• Take Small Manageable Steps: Check in with yourself and your partner after a few dates. If you both want to continue dating, check in after a couple of months, six months, a year and two years to assess how you each feel (see my article: Making Changes One Step at a Time).

Getting Help in Therapy

• Get Help in Therapy: If the self help steps above aren't working for you, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional to explore the underlying unconscious issues that you might not see on your own. Depending upon the problems involved, either individual therapy or couples therapy could be helpful rather than struggling on your own.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years in person and online.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: How Does Avoidance Push Ambivalence Underground?

Avoidance drives ambivalence underground by forcing intense internal conflicts into unconscious states of denial and behavioral withdrawal (see my article: Changing Maladaptive Behavior That Don't Work For You: Avoidance).

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Underground

When one or both partners in a relationship avoids dealing with their problems, they enter into a stalemate where the problems aren't addressed and internal conflicts grow. This can lead to increased emotional disconnection in the relationship.

How Does Avoidance Push Ambivalence Underground?

• Creating Internal Stalemate: When love or closeness threatens an individual's sense of self, their nervous system forces a move toward emotional isolation. This pushes the internal conflict into a hidden, often unspoken state, creating intense emotions that keep looping.

• Using Distractions and Substitutes: People who tend to avoid often create intense, externalized activities, including workaholism, spending an excessive amount of time on hobbies or shallow outside connections to fulfill emotional needs without facing the vulnerability of their relationship.

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Undergrouond

• Reinterpreting Intimacy as Danger: By treating emotional intimacy as a threat to their safety or autonomy, the desire for closeness is pushed underground by a default survival reflex which creates emotional distance.

• Boundary Setting Disguised as Vagueness: Instead of discussing the conflict directly, people who use avoidance often use vague statements like "I need more time" or "I'm not ready yet". This often hides the deeper inner conflict.

• Panic Can Overwhelm Love: By the time the conflict rises to the surface, the individual's actions are motivated by panic rather than love and this masks their true wants and needs.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates how avoidance pushes ambivalence underground and how therapy can help:

Jack

Jack met Linda when both of them were in their mid-30s. They both felt drawn to each other  immediately. 

Several months into their relationship, Jack's apartment lease was about to expire and Linda suggested that he move in with her. 

Initially, Jack agreed and then, as the date to move in with Linda got closer, he became increasingly anxious.  Linda tried to talk to Jack about his anxiety, but he put her off by saying, "I think it's too soon to move in together. I need more time to think about it." 

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Underground

Instead of moving in, Jack extended his lease for several more months to give himself time. In the meantime, Linda experienced her own anxiety about what Jack's ambivalence meant for their relationship.

Eventually, Jack moved in with Linda, but they spent less time together than when they were dating and living apart. He would spend long hours at the office and, when he was home, he spent much of his free time playing video games. 

When Linda tried to talk to Jack about his emotional distance, she felt she was getting nowhere because he made excuses. 

A few months after they moved in together, Linda told him that she was feeling increasingly lonely since he was either distracted with work or playing video games. She reminded him that she had told him early on in their relationship that she wanted to get married and have children and she was worried that their relationship was stagnating and time was passing.

Jack told her that he wasn't ready to consider marriage and he was nowhere near ready to think about children, "I feel like you're pressuring me when you know I'm not ready. I need time."

At that point, Linda gave Jack an ultimatum: Either they go to couples therapy to deal with their problems or she would leave him. 

Not wanting to lose Linda, Jack agreed to attend couples therapy, but his ambivalence continued to play out in couples therapy: He would make excuses not to go or find other reasons to avoid their sessions.

When the couples therapist confronted Jack with his ambivalence, he felt like he wanted to leave therapy rather than deal with his internal conflicts. But he knew if he stopped going to couples therapy altogether, he would lose Linda.

Over time, as the couples therapist got to know Linda and Jack better and understood their family histories, she pointed out the negative cycle that Jack and Linda were stuck in. She also pointed out how Jack's parents' marriage affected him: His father felt engulfed by his mother's emotional needs and he would find ways to avoid spending time with her.

As Jack became aware of the impact of his parents' relationship and the behaviors he was repeating in his own relationship, he knew he didn't want to make the same mistakes his parents made and he became more committed to working on his relationship in couples therapy.

Linda and Jack both learned tools and strategies to dig deeper into their unconscious motivations and how these motivations played out in their relationship.

Over time, Jack gradually became much less fearful of emotional intimacy and more committed to his relationship with Linda.  He allowed himself to be more emotionally present and vulnerable so that he was ready to make a commitment to get married. 

Several months after they got married, Linda became pregnant and she and Jack looked forward to raising a child together.

Conclusion

Avoidance pushes ambivalence underground by forcing internal conflicts into unconscious states of denial and withdrawal.

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Underground

The person who uses ambivalence to avoid these internal conflicts often doesn't realize they are using avoidance to push down ambivalence because this is an unconscious process.

When this occurs in a relationship, the other partner can feel like they are being strung along and then they need to make their own decisions.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy can help couples to see the negative cycle they are stuck in and provide them with ways to get out of the stalemate if they choose to get out.

In situations like this, the person who feels they are being strung along will often tell their partner to get help in individual therapy, but this is a relationship problem so it needs to be addressed by both individuals in couples therapy.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

If you and your partner feel stuck in patterns that are causing problems in your relationship, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in working with couples.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced couples therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT couples therapist, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

Over the years, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What is Avoidance Coping? 

How to Stop Avoiding Conflict in Your Relationship 

Fear of Being Emotionally Vulnerable in a Relationship  

Dealing With an Ambivalent Partner 

Overcoming Ambivalence

 

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

The in-between state of change can be challenging because you are between an old reality that has ended and a new reality that hasn't developed yet (see my article: Navigating Life's Transitions).

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

Although that in-between state of change can feel scary and uncertain, it can also be a powerful time when many new possibilities open up for you. It all depends on how you navigate that time in your life (see my article: Opening Up to New Possibilties in Your Life).

What Are Liminal Spaces in Your Personal Life?

This in-between state is also known as a liminal space.

Liminal means occupying a place at a boundary or a threshold. 

I'll be using the terms "in-between state" and "liminal space" interchangeably in this article.

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

In psychology a liminal space is a transition or the initial stage of a process. You are at the threshold of having ended something in your life and not yet having begun the next stage.

Some examples include:

• Graduating high school but not yet starting college
• Leaving an old job and not yet starting a new job
• Letting go of an old identity but not yet establishing a new identity 
• Being in the process of moving from an old home and traveling to a new one
• Retiring for a job and not feeling comfortable yet in a new life as a retired person
• Being in the process of making a decision where the status quo no longer fits but you don't yet know what will be next
• Leaving an old relationship and not knowing what comes next 
• Grieving the death of a loved one

How Personal Liminal Space Can Affect Your Mental Health

Most of the time a personal liminal space isn't inherently negative or dangerous. 

There are exceptions, of course: If you lose your job and you don't have savings, it's understandable that you would be under a lot of stress until you find your next job.

In most other circumstances, however, it's your perception of being in an in-between state that might be affecting you.

If you respond to an in-between state as being dangerous when, objectively, it's not, you can feel overwhelmed, anxious and upset because you don't know how to cope with this stage in your life.

This might be especially true if you grew up in an environment where these types of changes were responded to with high anxiety and feelings of foreboding.

How to Cope With Liminal Spaces in Your Personal Life

Everyone experiences transitions in life. There's no way to avoid it.

Assuming that your basic needs are taken care of during a transitional time, you can learn a new way to cope with transitory periods in your life:

• Learn to Accept the In-Between State of Change: Since everyone experiences times when they are in liminal space, rather than trying to resist or deny it, learn to accept this time. Acceptance doesn't mean you like it or you will react to it in a passive way. It just means that you acknowledge that it is happening. Even though it might feel scary and uncertain and you might not be able to control the circumstances, you can control your own thoughts and reactions. For instance, you can't control the death of loved one, but you can find healthy ways to grieve the loss (see my articles: Awareness and Acceptance and Grieving and Healing From Losses).

Accept What You Can and Can't Control

• Create Routines: Creating routines can help to give you a sense of security and stability. For instance, if you have lost a job or you retired, rather than having a lot of unstructured time, create routines for sleeping and waking up, make time for hobbies, get regular exercise or go for walks in nature, etc. (see my article: Starting the Day With a Positive Intention).

Create Personal Rituals in a Mindful Way

• Create Personal Rituals: Whereas a routine is a functional, repetitive task to provide structure and efficiency to manage your life, personal rituals are intentional, meaningful actions that provide purpose, emotion and symbolism. Personal rituals are actions you create for yourself and which exist on a continuum from basic to more elaborate. You can take what might otherwise be a mundane task and create a personal ritual. For instance, if you normally drink your tea while being on "autopilot", you can drink your tea in a mindful way by enjoying the quiet of the day, breathing the aroma, feeling the warmth of the tea and noticing the taste (see my articles: The Power of Rituals and The Power of Personal Rituals).

Practice Mindfulness: Be Here Now

• Practice Mindfulness: Much of the distress of being in a transitional state comes from catastrophizing about what might happen. In retrospect, you might discover that many of your fears didn't materialize. So, to stay calm, take a pause and bring your attention to the present moment. Bring your attention to your body to focus on your breathe. If that feels too challenging, choose a color (let's say blue) and count how many things around you are the color blue. This helps you to orient yourself to your present time and place rather than worrying about what might or might not happen in the future (see my article: Being in the Present Moment).

The Hero's Journey

• Express Yourself in Creative Ways: Much of the current literature and entertainment come from "The Hero's Journey", which the American mythologist, Joseph Campbell, wrote about in his book, The Hero of a Thousand Faces. He identified as a pattern in mythology, both ancient tales and modern stories, where the protagonist travels from the "Known World" to the "Unknown World", faces challenges along the way, meets helpers and returns transformed. The creator of Star Wars, George Lukas, was influenced by "The Hero's Journey". You can also reframe a time of being in an in-between space as being on a journey from the "Known World" to the "Unknown World" and how you will be transformed along the way. You can do this by writing, storytelling or drawing.

Get Help in Therapy

• Get Help in Therapy: If you're having a difficult time coping on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to cope with this difficult time. A skilled psychotherapist can help you to feel emotionally supported and to learn new skills and strategies to cope. So, rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples to overcome trauma and navigate changes in their life.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance Your Life 

Overcoming Fear of Change 

Coping With Midlife Transitions

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance Psychotherapy?

I have been using imagery and imagination in therapy with my clients for many years (see my article: Using the Imagination as a Powerful Tool For Change).

Imagery and Imagination in Psychotherapy

The Imaginal Realm: Working With Visual Mental Imagery

I recently attended an advanced AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) seminar called "Imaginal Realm: Working With Visual Mental Imagery in AEDP" which was a deep dive into using imagery and imagination (see my article: What is AEDP?).

When I refer to "imagery", I'm not only referring to visual imagery. Aside from visual imagery, many people get non-visual imagery in sessions. 

For instance, some clients get mental representations through sound (hearing music in their mind), scents that can trigger old memories, kinesthetic experiences (feeling movement), tactile experiences, and an embodied or felt sense of conceptual/verbal imagery such as thinking of concepts or having an internal dialog.

During therapy sessions, I sometimes get visual images in my imagination or a song comes to mind. Over the years, I have learned to appreciate these experiences as messages from my unconscious mind because they often tell me what is going on for the client or what is going on between the client and me.

It's not unusual for me to have an image, song or a word in mind and then a few seconds later the client mentions the same image, song or word (see my articles: Synchronicities - Part 1 and Part 2).

Over time, I have learned that these experiences occur when I feel especially attuned to the client. Other therapists, especially therapists who are experiential therapists like me, have told me that they have similar experiences in therapy (see my article: The Psychotherapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience).

The Use of Metaphors in Psychotherapy

Over the years, I have heard clients use many metaphors unprompted by me, including: 

• "It's like searching for the Holy Grail."
• "I'm no longer jumping into the vortex of other people's drama."
• "I feel like I'm trapped in a cage."
• "I'm no longer putting up walls."
• "I walked on eggshells with my ex."
• "I'm drowning in paperwork."
• "I keep hitting my head against a wall."
• "He swept me off my feet."
• "A weight has been lifted off my shoulders."

Metaphors are beneficial in therapy because they can:

• Enhance clients' communication by allowing them to express feelings they might otherwise have a hard time articulating

• Deepen insights that can lead to a reframing of a problem, a relationship or an idea

• Bypass rational defenses offering a way to talk about sensitive subjects and break rigid and unhealthy thought patterns

• Strengthen the therapeutic alliance between client and therapist

How Imagery and Imagination Enhance Psychotherapy

Imagery and imagination can enhance therapy by engaging the emotional brain. This allows clients to access and process unconscious emotions.

It also helps clients to make behavioral changes through mental rehearsal.

Imagery and Imagination in Psychotherapy

An example of how to use mental rehearsal is a client who wants to become more confident to give presentations at work. This client can vividly imagine their "Future Self", who can exist at any time in the future. They can imagine a self who has all the confidence, qualities and skills they would like to have (see my article: Experiencing Your Future Self).

Using imagination in this way can strengthen neural pathways and prepare the brain for success.

Clients can also see and feel themselves walking into the presentation room feeling prepared and confident, speaking with passion and receiving applause after the presentation. They might even imagine their boss coming over and praising the presentation. 

AEDP Portrayals

One of the main components in AEDP is doing "portrayals" in therapy sessions.

AEDP portrayals are active experiential and imaginative enactments in the therapy session.

To set up doing a portrayal an AEDP therapist prepares the client prior to doing the portrayal by:

• Establishing Safety and a Therapeutic Alliance: The therapist establishes an attuned connection with the client to ensure the client feels safe and to prevent them from feeling overwhelmed.

• Identifying the Core Material: In collaboration with the client, the therapist identifies a memory or a part of the client's self that still has an emotional charge.

• Inviting Immersion (The Setup): The therapist invites the client to slow down, close their eyes and visualize the scene using as many sensory details as possible (sight, sound, body sensations and so on).

• Role Playing (Doing the Portrayal): The therapist guides the client to talk to the imagined person or part of themself by expressing vulnerable or assertive feelings they couldn't express in the past. This might involve imagining talking to a frightened younger part of themself, talking to a parent in a memory from the past, confronting someone who abused them and so on.

There are different types of AEDP portrayals including:

• Reparative Portrayals: An example might be a client imagining a new outcome to a painful scene in their life. In this type of portrayal the client can offer themself what might have been needed and lacking in real life to repair emotional damage.

• Internal Parts Work (intra-relational portrayals): Having a dialog with different aspects of themself to resolve internal conflict (similar to Parts Work Therapy/IFS).

Imagery and Imagination: Internal Parts of Self

• Relational Attachment Portrayals: Reenacting relationships to process emotions to attachment figures (e.g., parents, siblings, a ex-lover, etc). 

• Feared Portrayals: Actively engaging with a threatening figure from real life or from a dream to process the emotional impact, reduce shame and anxiety, and to feel empowered.

• Longed-For Portrayals: The client imagines receiving the love, emotional support or validation they desired but never received from a significant person in their life.

• Moment-to-Moment Tracking: Moment-to-moment tracking is an essential part of AEDP whether the interaction involves a portrayal or a conversation between the client  and the therapist in session. This involves the therapist staying closely attuned to the client's facial expressions, movements, emotions and defenses. The therapist also monitors her own mental, emotional, imaginal and bodily sensations.

• Metaprocessing After a Portrayal: The client and therapist process the experience together afterward to help the client to integrate the experience by building a bridge between the client's right brain and left brain. Among other things, the therapist explores with the client what it was like to do the portrayal and, specifically, what it was like for the client to do the portrayal with the therapist. The focus is on what might have changed for the client or what was transformative about the experience. Processing helps the client to hold onto and integrate positive experiences (see my article: How Are Emotions Processed in AEDP?).

Using Imagery and Imagination on Your Own

Aside from the use of imagery and imagination in therapy, athletes  also use mental rehearsal, including visualization, to imagine a successful performance, including overcoming potential obstacles they might encounter. This can help them to build confidence, improve focus and enhance performance.

You can also use your imagination in creative ways on your own to have fun and, if you like, achieve goals.  There are endless ways to use your imagination on your own including:

• Using Creative Visualization For a Hoped-For Outcome: This can involve imagining a hoped-for outcome in your personal life, career or in any other part of your life.

Imagery and Imagination: Hoped-For Outcome

• Imagining "What If" Problem Solving: When you encounter an obstacle, including an internal obstacle, you can imagine "What if there were no limits?" and visualize different solutions, including solutions that might seem unattainable at first but might spark a new perspective.

• Using the "Lightstream" Technique: If you're dealing with stress, you can imagine a soothing, healing light flowing through your body to alleviate stress or physical discomfort.

Future Articles

Using imagery and imagination is one of my favorite topics, so I'll write more about it in future articles.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

The Mind-Body Connection as a Window Into the Unconscious Mind

Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create the World You Want 

Dreams and Embodied Imagination 

Working With Your Dreams to Develop Your Creative Imagination 

What Are Imaginal Interweaves?  

Books: Imagination and Medicine

Anxiety Can Be a Signal That You Are Suppressing Deeper Emotions

Anxiety is a common mental state that everyone experiences at one time or another. 

Anxiety can either be an adaptive emotion or it can be an inhibitory emotion, which I'll explain in this article (see my article: What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?).

Anxiety Can Signal Suppressed Emotions

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is characterized by physical and mental symptoms including (but are not limited to):

• Muscle tension
• Rapid heartbeat 
• Headaches
• Shortness of breath
• Digestive issues
• Lightheadedness
• Trouble sleeping
  
• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Trembling
• Twitching
• Excessive worry or a sense of impending danger
• Irritability
• Restlessness
• Avoidance of feared situations

When is Anxiety Adaptive?

Mild anxiety can be adaptive. 

For instance, mild anxiety can be adaptive before taking an exam, giving a presentation or preparing for a sporting event because it acts as a catalyst to help you to focus and prepare for these events to improve your performance.

When is Anxiety a Signal You Are Suppressing Deeper Emotions?

Anxiety can also act as a secondary emotion that let's you know you're suppressing core emotions, which are also known as deeper emotions or primary emotions (I'll use these terms interchangeably).

Core emotions include:

• Sadness
• Fear
• Joy
• Anger
• Surprise
• Disgust

When is Anxiety an Inhibitory Emotion?

When you experience anxiety as a secondary emotion, the anxiety is a signal that you are suppressing (or inhibiting) core emotions. 

Learning to suppress emotions often occurs early in life. 

As a child, you might have learned that emotions are "dangerous". 

This usually occurs when a  parent, who is uncomfortable with certain emotions, either ignores, punishes or lets you know in some other way that these emotions are unsafe.

Learning to Suppress Emotions as a Child

For instance, let's say you cried as a child because you were afraid of going to school. If your  parent was uncomfortable with your crying and didn't know how to handle your emotions, your parent might have said, "Stop being a drama queen" or "Big girls don't cry" or "You look ugly when you cry" (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?).

If you had enough of these experiences as a child, you learn that it's unsafe to experience certain emotions because your parent isn't going to comfort you or, worse still, your parent will ignore, punish or criticize you. So, rather than experiencing the unbearable vulnerability of being alone with uncomfortable emotions, you learn to suppress these emotions.

When emotions are suppressed, the suppression creates trapped emotional energy which forces the body to keep the nervous system in a chronic state of fight-or-flight. This results in sustained spikes of cortisol or adrenaline which can create the anxiety-related symptoms mentioned above (racing heart, muscle tension and so on).

How Can You Address Suppressed Core Emotions?

If you notice you're feeling anxious and it's not a mild anxiety that is adaptive, you can pause, get curious, tune into your body and ask yourself, "What am I feeling underneath this anxiety?"

Using Somatic Awareness to Tune Into Your Body

For instance, if you tune into your body and notice that underneath your anxiety you're feeling sadness, you can reduce the anxiety in your body by allowing yourself to feel the sadness (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection and Somatic Awareness).

At that point, maybe you allow yourself to cry to release some of the sadness or maybe you write in a journal to express your sadness. 

You might also talk to a trusted friend so you don't feel alone with your sadness and you can  receive validation that your experience is normal and your friend has had similar experiences.

Other emotions that suppress core emotions are shame and guilt.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you find it difficult to tune into your body and detect the emotions you are suppressing, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who practices Experiential Therapy.

A psychotherapist who practices Experiential Therapy can help you to develop the necessary somatic awareness to deal with suppressed emotions and the underlying issues.

Experiential therapies are especially helpful in overcoming anxiety and trauma (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Experiential therapies include:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)

• Somatic Experiencing (SE)

• Parts Work Therapy (IFS or Ego State Therapy)

Getting Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in therapy so you can calm your nervous system, deal with the underlying issues you have been suppressing and live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As an Experiential Therapist, I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Self Help Tips For Coping With Anxiety

Getting Help For Anxiety in Therapy 

What Does Processing Your Emotions Mean?

How to Cope With News Anxiety 

Overcoming Adult Separation Anxiety

What is the Connection Between Anxiety and Depression?