Overcoming Your Fear of Change: How to Break Free From Indecision

Making a change can be challenging, especially when it involves major life transitions. When you think about shifting paths, you might find yourself going back and forth, paralyzed by uncertainty. It is completely normal to have mixed feelings about making a transition, even when you know logically that it is for the best.

Facing a major transition often brings us to a crossroads where the fear of the unknown can lead to decision paralysis.

What Does Fear of Change Look Like?

Experiencing a fear of change (sometimes referred to clinical-level anxiety or metathesiophobia) manifests in several subtle ways. For instance, if you have outgrown your current job and know you need a change, facing that reality can be painful.

Common signs of being stuck in a fear of change include:

• Chronic Procrastination: Delaying necessary steps, such as pursuing additional training, updating your resume, or starting a job search.
• Fear of the Unknown: Getting trapped in an anxious loop of "what-ifs."
• Catastrophizing: Asking yourself: "What if I leave my secure but boring job?" "What if it turns out to be a bad decision?" "What if I fail?"

Left unchecked, these thought patterns cause severe decision paralysis, keeping you trapped in inaction. Ultimately, you might decide to stay at your current job for a variety of reasons. However, a conscious choice to stay is an active decision—which is far healthier than getting stuck in perpetual indecision (see my article: Fear of Making a Decision: Indecision Becomes a Decision With Time).

The Limits of Your Support System

When facing major life transitions, talking to trusted friends and loved ones can help, especially if they have navigated their own changes successfully. However, personal support networks have natural limits:

1. Projection of Personal Fears: Sometimes loved ones don't know what to say, or their own anxiety about change causes them to advise you against taking risks.
2. Compassion Fatigue: Over time, friends may get tired of hearing you go back and forth on the same dilemma. They want to help, but they simply do not know how to get you "unstuck."

When your support system is exhausted, it is highly beneficial to seek guidance from a licensed mental health professional who specializes in breaking through psychological barriers.

Overcoming Decision Paralysis: Questions to Ask Yourself

If you are struggling to make a choice, self-reflection can help shift your perspective. Ask yourself these critical questions:

• How would I feel if I remained stuck in this exact situation for another year? Another two years? Five years?
• What are the long-term costs if I allow my fear and mixed feelings to keep me stuck indefinitely?
• Will I look back at my life later and say, "If only I had made that change when I was younger, I would be where I wanted to be today"?

How Psychotherapy Helps You Navigate Change

There are times when you simply cannot work through complex emotional blocks on your own. 

Working with a skilled psychotherapist provides a safe space to process the underlying anxiety and ambivalence keeping you stuck. Through evidence-based modalities, therapy helps you build the resilience needed to embrace life transitions with confidence.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and specialist in EMDR, AEDP, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Couples Therapy and Sex Therapy. 

I help individual adults and couples overcome the fear of change and build fulfilling lives.

I see clients in my office in Greenwich Village, NY (10011) and online.

I offer a complimentary 15 minute phone call before settng up an appointment.

Contact Information

• Website: Visit: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.

Also See My Articles

What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?  

Debunking Common Myths About Anxiety

Ambivalence and Codependency in the Mother-Daughter Relationship

This article was updated on September 15, 2026.

The bond between a mother and a daughter can be incredibly deep, but it can also be very complex.  Much of the tension comes from the unique biological and psychological mirrors that exist between them.

Ambivalence and Codependency in Mother-Daughter Relationships

Mothers often see themselves in their infant daughters. At times, they project their own unfulfilled hopes and dreams on their infant daughters. Because of this intense connection, a mother often see pieces of her identity in her daughter. This can lead to a mother projecting her own unfulfilled hopes, dreams and unresolved wounds onto her child. 

In response, a daughter can learn to strongly identify with her mother--often idealizing her as a normal, healthy part of childhood development. However, when the idealization interferes with a daughter's psychological development, this often interferes with the normal separation and individuation process that is necessary for the daughter to mature into her own perso

Clinical Vignette:

The following vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how ambivalence and codependency between a mother and daughter can occur:

Donna:
When Donna began therapy, she was in her early 30s. She was already quite successful in her career. As she saw it at the time, her presenting problem was that she had a long history of problems in her romantic relationships with men. 

Her relationships always began well. However, as soon as the relationship became serious, Donna became extremely ambivalent about it and found some way to sabotage it. 

When she began therapy, she was in a one-year relationship with a man that she loved very much and who also loved her. She saw the potential for a good marriage with this man, but she was very frightened to make that commitment with him, and she could not understand why.

Donna's family history included her parents' divorce when she was five years old. Prior to that, she remembered a lot of arguing between her parents, who were not well suited for each other. After the divorce, the father remarried within a couple of years. However, Donna's mother sank into a depression and she began to drink heavily.

As an only child, Donna remembered feeling responsible for her mother's happiness. Her mother poured out her sorrows to Donna, and Donna did her best to try to make her mother happy by listening to her, trying to entertain her with funny stories from school, being an "A" student, and trying never to bother her mother with her own concerns (see my article: Role Reversal in Mother-Daughter Relationships).

As a result, at a young age, Donna and her mother switched roles, and Donna became a parentified child. She learned to anticipate her mother's needs before her mother even expressed them. She even cleaned up her mother's mess when her mother got drunk and threw up around the house. For this, Donna's mother rewarded her by telling her what a wonderful daughter she was, and this made Donna feel good.

Donna's relationship with her mother continued in this way until Donna became a teenager, and she began to express a need to spend more time with her friends. Donna's mother never actually stopped Donna from going out with her friends, but when Donna got home, she often found her mother in an irritable, sullen state.

She never told Donna directly that she was unhappy that Donna was beginning to achieve a certain amount of independence that is a normal part of adolescence but, indirectly, she complained about how lonely she felt when Donna was out and how hard her life was as a single mother. 

This made Donna feel very guilty for leaving her mother alone and for going out and having a good time with her friends. At those times, Donna worked extra hard to get back into her mother's good graces. After a while, Donna's mother was appeased and, once again, she rewarded Donna by telling her that she was the best daughter that a mother could have.

At times, Donna turned down her friends' invitations to go out because she didn't want to leave her mother alone and unhappy. She also feared that her mother would drink more when Donna was out, which was often the case. At least if she was there, Donna thought, she could monitor her mother's alcohol intake and help her mother to go to bed when she was too drunk.

When it came time for Donna to apply for college, one of Donna's teachers, who had an intuitive sense of what was going on in Donna's home, encouraged Donna to go away to college. A part of Donna longed to be away and attend a college with an active campus life. However, a stronger part of Donna didn't want to leave her mother alone. So, she opted to go to a local college, even though other colleges offered her better opportunities and a chance for a full scholarship.

By the time Donna was a sophomore in college, she began to feel depressed and lonely. She didn't know why she was feeling this way, so she went to the student counseling center. With the help of her college counselor, Donna began to see that she was missing out on many of the social activities that other students were enjoying and that she also wanted to attend.

So, gradually, Donna became more social and, soon afterwards, she started dating, much to her mother's chagrin. By that point, Donna realized that she needed to have a social life of her own, but she continued to feel guilty and that, in some way, she was betraying her mother by spending less time with her and more time with her friends.

By the time she graduated, Donna was offered an excellent job opportunity in New York City that she knew she could not afford to pass up. With much ambivalence and guilt about leaving her mother, she moved to New York to begin her new career. However, she called her mother several times a day to "check in" on her and to listen to her mother's problems. She also visited her mother frequently on weekends.

When Donna entered into her first serious relationship, she was wary of telling her mother. She feared that since her mother had such a low opinion of men, her mother would disapprove of her being in a relationship. 

When Donna finally summoned the courage to tell her mother, her mother acted as if she had not even heard her. She never expressed any curiosity about this man or even asked Donna how the relationship was going. This made Donna feel very sad and guilty--as if she was doing something wrong by having a life of her own and being in a relationship, as if she wasn't entitled to her own happiness.

Shortly after that, Donna began finding faults with her boyfriend and they started arguing. Within a few months, they were broken up. When Donna told her mother about the breakup, her mother responded by telling her to come home and spend time with her. Her mother seemed to have no recognition that Donna was heartbroken.

This same pattern continued in most of Donna's relationships. She felt pulled between the man that she loved and a "loyalty" that she felt for her mother. By the time that Donna came to see me, she was miserable. She was also aware that she was ruining an otherwise wonderful relationship with a man that she really loved. But she didn't know how to stop engaging in this behavior.

In therapy, Donna understand and appreciate the root of her problems. Over time, she learned to have more compassion for herself when she was a child and as an adult. She also started to see how her own inner emotional conflict caused her to feel that she had to choose between her boyfriend and her mother.

Donna started feeling more entitled to have a happy life and not to sacrifice her life for her mother. She also learned to see that her codependent relationship with her mother was not helping either of them.

Over time, she changed her behavior towards her mother. Rather than calling her mother several times a day, she called her once a week. Rather than spending hours on the phone listening to her mother's problems and trying to "fix" them, Donna encouraged her mother to get help.

Donna's mother did not respond well to this new change in Donna. After a few weeks of this, Donna's mother refused to talk to Donna and told her that she would talk to her when Donna "came to her senses again." 

This was a serious emotional challenge for Donna, and part of her wanted to revert back to her old behavior to "rescue" her mother. But, deep down, Donna realized that she needed to stick to what she knew was best for her and her relationship with her boyfriend. 

She also realized her mother would never get help for her alcoholism as long as Donna provided her with an emotional crutch. So, even though it was very difficult for her, Donna refrained from reverting back to her former dysfunctional way of relating to her mother.

After several months, Donna's relationship with her boyfriend improved substantially. Even though she missed her mother, Donna realized that she felt happier than she had ever felt and she finally felt entitled to her happiness. She also reconciled her relationship with her father.

About a year later, she received a call from her mother. She told Donna that she had just completed a 28-day rehab and she wanted to reconcile her relationship with Donna. And, for the first time, she told Donna that she wanted to meet her boyfriend. This was the beginning of Donna and her mother having a healthy relationship together.

Healthy Mother-Daughter Relationships
There are many mothers and daughters who have healthy relationships. 

Even mother-daughter relationships that begin with this sort of entanglement often improve when one or, preferably both, people get psychological help.

Getting Help in Therapy
Are you trying to navigate a complicated dynamic as a mother or daughter?

You don't have to try to untangle these feelings alone. 

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, IFS, AEDP, EFT Couples Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many family members improve their relationships.

To find out more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I offer a free 15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

I see clients in person in my Greenwich Village office or online.

You can call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles: 

Healing Mother-Daughter Relationships

Letting Go of Resentments in Mother-Daughter Relationships

Mother-Daughter Relationships Over the Course of a Life Time

Relationships: How Does Avoidance Push Ambivalence Underground?

Avoidance drives ambivalence underground by forcing intense internal conflicts into unconscious states of denial and behavioral withdrawal (see my article: Changing Maladaptive Behavior That Don't Work For You: Avoidance).

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Underground

When one or both partners in a relationship avoids dealing with their problems, they enter into a stalemate where the problems aren't addressed and internal conflicts grow. This can lead to increased emotional disconnection in the relationship.

How Does Avoidance Push Ambivalence Underground?

• Creating Internal Stalemate: When love or closeness threatens an individual's sense of self, their nervous system forces a move toward emotional isolation. This pushes the internal conflict into a hidden, often unspoken state, creating intense emotions that keep looping.

• Using Distractions and Substitutes: People who tend to avoid often create intense, externalized activities, including workaholism, spending an excessive amount of time on hobbies or shallow outside connections to fulfill emotional needs without facing the vulnerability of their relationship.

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Undergrouond

• Reinterpreting Intimacy as Danger: By treating emotional intimacy as a threat to their safety or autonomy, the desire for closeness is pushed underground by a default survival reflex which creates emotional distance.

• Boundary Setting Disguised as Vagueness: Instead of discussing the conflict directly, people who use avoidance often use vague statements like "I need more time" or "I'm not ready yet". This often hides the deeper inner conflict.

• Panic Can Overwhelm Love: By the time the conflict rises to the surface, the individual's actions are motivated by panic rather than love and this masks their true wants and needs.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates how avoidance pushes ambivalence underground and how therapy can help:

Jack

Jack met Linda when both of them were in their mid-30s. They both felt drawn to each other  immediately. 

Several months into their relationship, Jack's apartment lease was about to expire and Linda suggested that he move in with her. 

Initially, Jack agreed and then, as the date to move in with Linda got closer, he became increasingly anxious.  Linda tried to talk to Jack about his anxiety, but he put her off by saying, "I think it's too soon to move in together. I need more time to think about it." 

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Underground

Instead of moving in, Jack extended his lease for several more months to give himself time. In the meantime, Linda experienced her own anxiety about what Jack's ambivalence meant for their relationship.

Eventually, Jack moved in with Linda, but they spent less time together than when they were dating and living apart. He would spend long hours at the office and, when he was home, he spent much of his free time playing video games. 

When Linda tried to talk to Jack about his emotional distance, she felt she was getting nowhere because he made excuses. 

A few months after they moved in together, Linda told him that she was feeling increasingly lonely since he was either distracted with work or playing video games. She reminded him that she had told him early on in their relationship that she wanted to get married and have children and she was worried that their relationship was stagnating and time was passing.

Jack told her that he wasn't ready to consider marriage and he was nowhere near ready to think about children, "I feel like you're pressuring me when you know I'm not ready. I need time."

At that point, Linda gave Jack an ultimatum: Either they go to couples therapy to deal with their problems or she would leave him. 

Not wanting to lose Linda, Jack agreed to attend couples therapy, but his ambivalence continued to play out in couples therapy: He would make excuses not to go or find other reasons to avoid their sessions.

When the couples therapist confronted Jack with his ambivalence, he felt like he wanted to leave therapy rather than deal with his internal conflicts. But he knew if he stopped going to couples therapy altogether, he would lose Linda.

Over time, as the couples therapist got to know Linda and Jack better and understood their family histories, she pointed out the negative cycle that Jack and Linda were stuck in. She also pointed out how Jack's parents' marriage affected him: His father felt engulfed by his mother's emotional needs and he would find ways to avoid spending time with her.

As Jack became aware of the impact of his parents' relationship and the behaviors he was repeating in his own relationship, he knew he didn't want to make the same mistakes his parents made and he became more committed to working on his relationship in couples therapy.

Linda and Jack both learned tools and strategies to dig deeper into their unconscious motivations and how these motivations played out in their relationship.

Over time, Jack gradually became much less fearful of emotional intimacy and more committed to his relationship with Linda.  He allowed himself to be more emotionally present and vulnerable so that he was ready to make a commitment to get married. 

Several months after they got married, Linda became pregnant and she and Jack looked forward to raising a child together.

Conclusion

Avoidance pushes ambivalence underground by forcing internal conflicts into unconscious states of denial and withdrawal.

Avoidance Pushes Ambivalence Underground

The person who uses ambivalence to avoid these internal conflicts often doesn't realize they are using avoidance to push down ambivalence because this is an unconscious process.

When this occurs in a relationship, the other partner can feel like they are being strung along and then they need to make their own decisions.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy can help couples to see the negative cycle they are stuck in and provide them with ways to get out of the stalemate if they choose to get out.

In situations like this, the person who feels they are being strung along will often tell their partner to get help in individual therapy, but this is a relationship problem so it needs to be addressed by both individuals in couples therapy.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

If you and your partner feel stuck in patterns that are causing problems in your relationship, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in working with couples.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced couples therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT couples therapist, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

Over the years, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What is Avoidance Coping? 

How to Stop Avoiding Conflict in Your Relationship 

Fear of Being Emotionally Vulnerable in a Relationship  

Dealing With an Ambivalent Partner 

Overcoming Ambivalence

 

Grieving For a Parent Who Wasn't There For You

Grief for a deceased parent isn't always related to how close you were.

Grieving For a Parent Who Wasn't There For You

In fact, grief related to the loss of a parent you weren't close to can be even more intense than grief for a nurturing parent because it often involves grieving for what  you hoped for and never got (see links for my articles about grief below).

For adults who have lost a parent under these circumstances, part of the grief is knowing that the warm loving relationship you might have wished for can never be experienced after your parent died. The death can bring a painful finality to your wish and wash away any hopes you might have had to improve the relationship.

Clinical Vignette:

The following clinical vignette is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information removed:

Alex

Alex was in his mid-30s when he received a phone call from his stepmother, a woman he had never met, telling Alex that his father had terminal cancer. She told him that his father was in hospice and he wasn't expected to live more than a few days.

Before Alex could respond, his stepmother put his father on the phone to say a few words. It was clear to Alex that his father was heavily medicated and Alex didn't know what to say. His father asked for Alex's forgiveness for walking out on Alex and Alex's mother more than 30 years ago. He said he regretted not ever contacting Alex after he walked out on them.

Alex was shocked and confused. He didn't want to reject his father's dying wish, so he told his father that he forgave him. Then, his stepmother got back on the phone and told Alex that his father was too weak to talk any more. Before she hung up,she told Alex she would keep him apprised.

Not knowing what else to do, Alex sat for several minutes to take in what had just happened. When he was a child, he would ask his mother where his father had gone and his mother would tell him that his father was away on a business trip. But as weeks turned into months and years, Alex realized his father wasn't returning and he never asked his mother about it again because he didn't want to upset her.

Alex buried his feelings about his father and tried not to think about him. But there were times in his life when Alex felt sad that his father wasn't there for him, like when he graduated high school, when he graduated college, when he got married and when he had his first child. But during those times he didn't allow himself to dwell on those thoughts.

By the next day, Alex thought he might want to go visit his father before his father passed away, but then he received another call from his stepmother that his father died that night. She said she planned to have a memorial service in a few months and invited Alex to attend and meet his half brother, Jack.

A wave of profound sadness came over Alex. His wife attempted to soothe him, but Alex was too confused, anxious and angry to talk about it. He never even knew he had a half brother.

His wife said to him, "But you haven't seen your father in so many years and you don't even remember him. So, why do you feel sad?"

Alex couldn't explain why he felt so many mixed emotions, but after weeks passed and he didn't feel any better, he got help in therapy.

Grieving For a Parent Who Wasn't There For You

His therapist helped Alex explore his feelings and he realized that, even though he didn't allow himself to dwell on being abandoned by his father, he always had a wish that he and his father would reunite and they would develop a strong father-son relationship. But now that his father was dead, the reconciliation was impossible and this made him feel deeply sad.

His therapist helped Alex to grieve the abandonment and the loss of a relationship he wished for but now would never have. He also worked on his anger about his father asking him as he was dying to forgive him because, even though Alex said he forgave him, he wasn't sure how he felt.

As Alex continued to work on these issues in therapy, he realized how much he had stuffed his feelings from the time he was young because there was no one to help him with his complicated feelings about being abandoned and never seeing his father again. He believed his mother did the best she could, but she wasn't emotionally equipped to help him when he was a child.

After his father's death, when he spoke to his mother, he realized her memories of that time were different from his. She believed she had sat him down, talked to him and comforted him after his father left. When he told her what he remembered, she denied it, so Alex dropped the subject.

The memorial service was several months away and Alex had mixed feelings about going. Part of him wanted to go to meet his half brother and to find out more about his father, but another part of him didn't want to go. Even though he knew logically that none of this was his half brother's fault, he felt hurt and angry that his half brother had the relationship with his father that Alex wanted.

Then one day Alex received a call from his half brother, Jack, and they talked for over an hour. Jack said he could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Alex to get the call from Jack's mother after so many years. He also hoped they could meet and get to know each other.

Over time, they developed a relationship and Alex decided to go to the memorial service.

It took Alex a while to sort out his feelings about his father and his anger about the way his mother lied to him when his father left. But he also felt relieved to release the emotions in therapy--emotions he had suppressed for so many years.

Over time, Alex worked out his grief in therapy and maintained a relationship with Jack.

Getting Help in Therapy

Grieving for a deceased parent is difficult and it can be that much more difficult when a parent hasn't been there for you.

Getting Help in Therapy

Rather than trying to deal with these complicated emotions on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping clients with grief and loss.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I am an experienced psychotherapist who has helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles

Mourning the Death of a Father You Never Knew

Common Reactions to the Death of a Loved One 

The Many Layers of Grief 

The Emotional Impact of Losing Both Parents

Who Are You After Both of Your Parents Die?

Writing to Cope With Grief

How to Deal With Resentment in Your Relationship

Resentment can fester and grow until it destroys a relationship. 

Rather than allowing resentment to grow and harden, it's better to find ways to overcome resentment as problems come up.

Dealing With Resentment in Your Relationship

What is Resentment?

Resentment can include the following:

• Anger
• Disappointment
• Discontentment
• Frustration
• Feeling mistreated
• Indignation
• Irritation
• Disgust
• Holding onto a grudge/an inability to let go of anger

Dealing With Resentment in Your Relationship

• Difficulty accepting apologies
• A chip on one's shoulder
• Animosity
• Hostility
• Hatred
• Bitterness
• Antipathy
• Antagonism
• Ambivalence about the relationship
• Ruminating about feeling mistreated
• Avoiding topics that can lead to arguments and more resentment
• Experiencing tension in the relationship
• Feeling emotionally disconnected from a partner
• Reacting in a passive aggressive way rather than confronting problems directly
• Feeling invisible
• Feeling unlovable

What Are Common Triggers of Resentment in Relationships?

Some of the most common triggers of resentment include:

• Feeling unseen and unheard by a partner
• Feeling put down/criticized
• Having unrealistic expectations of a partner
• Dealing with a partner who insists on always being right
• Dealing with a partner who is frequently forgetful or late
• Feeling taken advantage of by a partner
• Feeling burnt-out by ongoing unresolved problems in the relationship

How Does Resentment Affect a Relationship?

Resentment can affect a relationship in many different ways depending upon who feels the resentment and how long the resentment has been going on, including:

• Harboring anger and bitterness towards a partner that leads to expressing pent up anger unexpectedly and harshly
• Feeling less empathy for your partner
• Withdrawing emotionally from your partner
• Withdrawing sexually from your partner

Dealing with Resentment in Your Relationship

• Feeling disgust and/or disappointment for your partner
• Complaining a lot about your partner to others
• Feeling anxious about the relationship
• Feeling physical tension and stress-related health problems as a result of the relationship
• Feeling like you want to get away from your partner
• Feeling like your opinions don't matter to your partner
• Feeling ignored
• Feeling confusion and/or ambivalence about the relationship
• "Walking on eggshells" with your partner
• Wanting to end the relationship

How Can You and Your Partner Prevent Resentment From Building Up?

It's a lot easier to address issues as they come up instead of allowing resentment to grow and harden:

• Address problems as soon as they arise 
• Learn to communicate and express your feelings in a healthy way
• Keep your expectations realistic. Don't expect your partner to meet every single expectation that you have. Instead, focus on what's most important to you.

Tips on How to Overcome Existing Resentment

If you and your partner have avoided dealing with the resentment in your relationship, you're going to find it challenging. 

Here are some tips that can help:

• Acknowledge the Resentment: If you want your relationship to improve, you both need to be able to acknowledge your own and your partner's resentment--even if you both spent years avoiding it.

• Work on One Issue at a Time: Rather than "kitchen sinking" each other with a whole litany of complaints, focus on one issue at a time. Listen to your partner instead of getting defensive or responding by barraging your partner with your complaints.

• Be Aware of Your Part in the Resentment: You might be aware of your resentment towards your partner, but are you aware of the role you might be playing?

• Remember Your Partner's Good Qualities: In order to put your feelings into perspective and to help you reduce resentment, try to remember your partner's good qualities.

• Learn to Compromise: If you and your partner can find a compromise that you each can live with, this can go a long way to reducing resentment. By talking over the problems in your relationship, you and your partner might be able to come up with reasonable compromises so you can each feel heard and taken care of in the relationship.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

If you and your partner have been unable to work out your problems on your own, you could benefit from seeking help in couples therapy.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

A skilled couples therapist can help you to identify the areas where you're stuck and help you to make decisions about your relationship--including whether you want to remain together or you want to end the relationship in an amicable way.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who works with couples.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.