How Are Emotions Processed in EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (see my article: How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain).

How Are Emotions Processed in EMDR Therapy?

EMDR was developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro in the 1980s as an alternative to traditional talk therapy to heal psychological trauma. 

EMDR is one of several types experiential therapies, including AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) IFS (Internal Family Systems) Parts Work and Somatic Experiencing, that were developed by trauma therapists help clients to overcome trauma (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

The cornerstone of EMDR is the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) system which is a theory about how the brain stores memories and that the brain stores regular memories and traumatic memories in a different way.

While normal memories are stored by strengthening connections between neurons, traumatic memories aren't stored in a cohesive way. Instead, traumatic memories are stored with fragmented, sensory and emotional imprints due to the hyperactivation of the amygdala and inhibition in the hippocampus in the brain.

The unprocessed nature of traumatic memories can cause flashbacks and triggers.

Prolonged trauma can lead to structural changes in the brain with a reduction in neuroplasticity, but the reduction can be repaired by EMDR therapy and other trauma therapies.

How Are Emotions Processed in EMDR Therapy?

Emotions related to traumatic memories are processed in EMDR therapy using bilateral stimulation (BLS) which can be either eye movements, bilateral tones or tapping, to stimulate the brain while the client focuses on the traumatic memory (see my article: What is Bilateral Stimulation?).

EMDR Therapy Using Tappers For BLS

This technique is similar to REM (Rapid Eye Movement), which is a crucial stage of sleep associated with dreaming and increased brain activity.

Bilateral stimulation helps the brain to "metabolize" the unprocessed traumatic memories by  reducing their emotional charge and replacing negative self beliefs with positive, adaptive beliefs.

Prior to processing traumatic memories with EMDR, an EMDR therapist assesses whether EMDR is the appropriate therapy for a particular client. 

If so, she obtains a client's history, helps the client to develop the necessary internal resources and coping skills to do the trauma work and evaluates whether the client is ready to process the trauma. 

Some clients, who have a significant history of ongoing trauma might need an extended period of resource development before they can process traumatic memories (see my article: Developing Internal Resources and Coping Skills).

What Are the Key Aspects of EMDR Therapy?

Here is a breakdown of the eight phases of EMDR therapy.

If the therapist assesses that EMDR therapy is appropriate for a client, there are eight phases to EMDR which vary in length depending upon each client's needs:

• Phase 1: History Taking and Treatment Planning: The therapist obtains the client's history, as mentioned above. She identifies the traumatic memories and creates a treatment plan in collaboration with the client. During this stage, the therapist helps the client to identify the "touchstone" memory, which is the earliest memory related to the trigger the client is experiencing. For instance, if the client seeks EMDR therapy to deal with a difficult boss who humiliates the client in staff meetings, the touchstone memory might be memories of being humiliated by a critical father. The earlier memories would each have their own eight stages for processing. The therapist tries to find a touchstone memory which will have generalizable effects meaning that working with a one or a few of these memories is healing to the other similar memories. If these earlier touchstone memories aren't processed, the client is likely to get triggered again with another current situation that has similar elements to the touchstone memory. The mechanism for identifying the touchstone memory is the Float Back technique which is also known as the Affect Bridge in hypnotherapy (also known as clinical hypnosis).

An EMDR Therapist Writing Down the Client's History

• Phase 2: Preparation: The therapist explains the process, establishes safety for the client, and teaches the client coping skills (also known as internal resources) to manage emotional stress during trauma sessions and between sessions (see my article: Why is Establishing Safety So Important in Trauma Therapy?).

• Phase 3: Assessment: The therapist activates the traumatic memory that she and the client have chosen to work on by identifying specific images, the client's negative self beliefs, emotions and physical sensations related to the trauma. This is also known as setting up the EMDR protocol.

• Phase 4: Desensitization: Bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps or tones) is used to reduce the distress associated with the memory. When clients have experienced ongoing trauma, such as developmental trauma during childhood, there can be many memories to process using the eight stages for each memory. For instance, if a client experienced extensive physical abuse as a child as well as bullying in elementary school and date rape in adolescence, each one of those experiences would need to be processed.

• Phase 5: Installation: A positive belief, which is identified by the client, is strengthened to replace the negative belief associated with a particular traumatic memory.

• Phase 6: Body Scan: The client checks for any remaining tension in the body linked to the traumatic memory. If there is tension in the body associated to the memory, the therapist uses bilateral stimulation until the tension dissipates.

• Phase 7: Closure: After each EMDR session, the therapist uses stabilization techniques, which might include debriefing/talking about the experience or a meditation, to ensure the client feels secure at the end of a session.

• Phase 8: Reevaluation: The therapist assesses the client's progress, determines the success of the treatment and plans the next step of the therapy in collaboration with the client.

What Are Emotional Blocks?

Emotional blocks are unconscious barriers to processing traumatic memories.

Overcoming Emotional Blocks in EMDR Therapy

An emotional block can occur at any phase of the EMDR processing.

I have been doing EMDR therapy regularly since 2006 and, unless a client comes with an uncomplicated one-time traumatic event, there will be emotional blocks during processing.

The emotional block can take many forms. One common example is the belief, "I don't deserve to feel better". 

When a therapist and client encounter an emotional block, to use a metaphor, it's like encountering a tree that has fallen across a train track. The train can't go any further until the tree, which is blocking the train track, is removed.

Similarly, EMDR processing won't go any further until the emotional block is removed. 

When a client and I encounter an emotional block in EMDR processing of a memory, I find it's useful and efficient to conceptualize the block as a part of a client. It might be a very young part (or inner child) or another part the client has internalized. 

Whatever the block might be, I have found that working with the part using Parts Work can help to soften or remove the block so that the part allows the processing to continue (see my article: Trauma Therapy: Combining EMDR Therapy and Parts Work to Overcome Emotional Blocks).

Another way to think about an emotional block is to think of it as a defense mechanism that was a survival strategy at one point (usually when the client was younger) but no longer is adaptive.

It's not unusual for there to be several emotional blocks along the way during EMDR processing and each one needs to be addressed before EMDR processing can continue.

Conclusion

EMDR therapy is one of several types of trauma therapies.

The trauma therapist assesses each client to determine which type of trauma therapy--whether it's EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work or a combination of these modalities is for a particular client. 

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you feel stuck with unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Freeing yourself from your trauma history can help you to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Trauma Therapy: The Mind Has a Powerful Innate Ability to Heal Itself

What Does Processing Your Emotions Mean? 

How Are Emotions Processed in AEDP?

What is the Life Cycle of an Emotion?

How Are Emotions Processed in Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)?

I have been writing about emotions lately (see links to the prior articles at the end of this article).

As I have written in prior articles, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) was developed by Diana Fosha, an American psychologist based in New York City.

How Emotions Are Processed in AEDP

AEDP is one of several types of therapy that fall under the umbrella of Experiential Therapy (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Heal Trauma?).

The other therapy modalities that fall under this category of Experiential Therapy include:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy)

• Somatic Experiencing

If you haven't read my more detailed articles about AEDP, I recommend that you read these articles first:

What is AEDP? - Part 1 and Part 2

How Does AEDP Work?

How Are Emotions Processed in AEDP?

In AEDP emotions are processed by:

• Here-and-Now Focus: Focusing on the here-and-now of the therapeutic relationship

How Emotions Are Processed in AEDP

• Somatic Awareness: Focusing on bodily sensations or somatic awareness

• Developing Secure Attachment: Working through painful emotions actively in a secure and supportive environment with a deeply attuned therapist

An AEDP therapist helps clients to move from a state of defensiveness or emotional numbness to an experience of transformation.

Creating a "Safe Container" For the Client to Process Emotions: 

The foundation of AEDP is helping the client to experience a secure attachment in the therapeutic relationship:

• The Therapeutic Relationship: Developing a trusting and validating therapeutic relationship

• Undoing Aloneness: Helping the client to undo the feeling of aloneness

A Here-and-Now Experiential Focus 

The AEDP therapist has a here-and-now experiential focus including:

• Therapeutic Attunement: Attunement that tracks the client's moment-to-moment experience

• Slowing Down: An AEDP therapist will often ask a client to "slow down" to catch the subtle shifts in emotion that might otherwise be overlooked.

Processing Core Emotions

The AEDP therapist helps the client to process emotions by:

• Getting Past Defenses: The therapist asks the client to identify and soften defense mechanisms (e.g., anxiety, intellectualizing, rationalizing, denial, numbing) to reach the underlying core emotions.

How Emotions Are Processed in AEDP

• Accessing Core Emotions: Once defense mechanisms soften, the client can work through deep core emotions. like sadness, grief, fear, anger or shame, which allows the client to feel the full wave of emotions (see my article: Getting Out of Your Head With Experiential Therapy).

• Facilitating Transformational Affects: By fully experiencing emotions in a safe therapeutic environment, the client can move from feeling trapped or broken to a safe of relief, self compassion and emotional resilience (see my article: Riding the Waves of Transformation)

Metaprocessing (Reflecting on the Experience)

The AEDP therapist facilitates metaprocessing by:

• Discussing the Therapy Process: A key component of AEDP is metaprocessing where the client and therapist talk about what it's like to share these emotions in the room:
• "What was it like to share that with me?"

• Cementing the Change: Reflecting on the experience helps to solidify the healing, deepen self awareness and strengthen the client's capacity for emotional regulation.

A Corrective Emotional Experience

AEDP helps to bring about a corrective emotional experience by:

• Reorganizing the Brain: By having a new positive experience of being seen, heard and understood while being in emotional pain, the brains neural pathways are reorganized which promotes neuroplasticity.

AEDP and Neuroplasticity

• Shifting From Avoidance to Connection: The process transforms shame into self compassion and changes habitual avoidance of feelings into a capacity for emotional awareness.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles: 

Managing Emotions: What is the Life Cycle of Emotions?  

What's the Difference Between Emotional Regulation and Controlling Your Emotions?  

Coping With Alexithymia - Also Known as Emotional Blindness 

Emotional Regulation: How Do You Know What You Need When You're Distressed? 

What is Emotional Co-regulation? 

What's the Difference Between Emotional Co-regulation and Emotional Self Regulation? 

What is the Life Cycle of an Emotion?

What Does Processing Your Emotions Mean?

If you have ever been in therapy, you have probably heard the term "processing your emotions".  It's a term that psychotherapists use often in therapy, but many people either don't understand what that term means or they have only a vague sense of it.

Processing Emotions in Therapy

What Does It Mean to Process Your Emotions?

Processing your emotions means consciously acknowledging, experiencing and integrating your feelings instead of suppressing or ignoring them (see my article: What's the Difference Between Emotional Regulation and Controlling Your Emotions?).

Key Aspects of Processing Your Emotions

• Sense Your Emotions: Emotions are embodied experiences. If you want to process your emotions, you need to have a somatic awareness of them, e.g., a tightness in your chest, a clinching in your stomach, and so on (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?).

Sensing Emotions

• Name Your Emotions: Labeling your emotions is essential to processing them ("I feel angry" or "I feel sad" and so on).

• Allow Yourself to Experience Your Emotions: Instead of resisting or pushing down your emotions, you allow yourself to experience them. You are also aware that, unless you prolong the experience by ruminating about them too much or telling yourself a negative story about your emotions, emotions tend to rise, peak and subside in about 90 seconds (see my article: Managing Your Emotions: What is the Life Cycle of an Emotion?).

Allowing Yourself to Feel Your Emotions

• Identify Your Triggers: Understanding what triggered an emotion and the root cause of the trigger.

• Resist the Impulse to Avoid: Resist your usual defense mechanisms, like denial, distraction or overthinking.

• Integrate Your Emotions: Make sense of your experience within the context of your life history, including your family history.

• Take Action: Take action, if needed, to resolve a situation rather than just worrying about it.

How to Process Emotions

Psychotherapy is one of the best ways to process emotions with the help of a mental health professional, but it's not the only way.

You can also process your emotions on your own by:

• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and emotions to get clarity (see my article: Journaling).

Processing Emotions By Journaling

• Mindfulness Meditation: Observing your thoughts and emotions without judging them or getting stuck in them (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection and Mindfulness Meditation.

Observing Emotions in Mindfulness Meditation

• Physical Movement: Yoga, exercising at a pace that's right for you and other types of physical movement can help you to release physical tension

• Breathing: Breathing exercises, like Square Breathing, can help to calm your nervous system

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What's the Difference Between Emotional Regulation and Controlling Your Emotions?

I've written about emotional regulation in prior articles (see the links listed at the end of this article).

What's the Difference Between Emotional Regulation and Controlling Your Emotions?

Many clients have asked me this question, especially clients who are learning how to identify and express their emotions (see my article: Alexithymia - Also Known as Emotional Blindness).

Emotional Regulation vs Controlling Your Emotions

Emotional regulation is the healthy process of identifying, feeling and expressing your emotions without being overwhelmed or overwhelming others.

Controlling your emotions involves forcefully suppressing or hiding emotions which often stems from shame. Controlling your emotions usually leads to long term stress which, in turn, can turn into medical problems including headaches, irritable bowel syndrome, hypertension and other stress-related physical problems.

Whereas when you regulate your emotions, you are doing it with self awareness, controlling your emotions is a restrictive, temporary fix.

Core Differences Between Emotional Regulation and Controlling Your Emotions:

• Approach: Emotional regulation acknowledges and accepts your emotions. This allows you to experience them so you can choose a balanced reaction. Conversely, control involves denying, suppressing or forcefully pushing away emotions. 

• Goal: The goal of emotional regulation is to process, learn from and move through emotions in a. healthy way. The goal of control is to minimize or eliminate the outward expression emotions to avoid vulnerability and appear to be "strong". As part of emotional regulation, you also recognize that emotions have a natural life cycle that last about 90 seconds if you don't feed them by ruminating, overanalyzing and continuing to tell yourself negative stories about them (see my article: Managing Your Emotions: What is the Life Cycle of an Emotion?).

Emotional Regulation vs Controlling Your Emotions

• Impact on Self: Whereas emotional regulation builds self compassion and mental health, control often leads to increased anxiety, including panic attacks, shame and physical stress.

• Flexibility vs Rigidity: Emotional regulation is adaptive and flexible, which allows emotional expression that is appropriate to the situation. Control is rigid, which often leads to a limited range of expressed emotions. 

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrate the difference between emotional regulation and controlling emotions:

Tom

When he was a boy, Tom would get punished by his parents if he cried. They told Tom that "boys don't cry" and punished him whenever he showed any signs of sadness--even when he was a young child.

Neither of Tom's parents showed any signs of sadness or grief. The only emotion they expressed was anger.

When the family dog died, they remained stoic and discouraged Tom from expressing sadness or grief--even though the dog was Tom's constant companion from the time he was a toddler.

As an adult, when Tom got into a serious relationship, his girlfriend, Ann, asked him why he hardly ever showed any emotions except anger. She told him she often felt alone with her feelings because Tom was so aloof.  She also pointed out that Tom's body seemed so rigid and she was concerned for his physical health.

Tom didn't respond immediately to what Ann said, but he began to reflect on her words. He decided to talk to a mental health professional about it.

Tom's therapist talked to him about the difference between emotional regulation and controlling his emotions. After she asked him about his family history, she helped Tom to make the connection between how his parents suppressed their emotions, how they discouraged his expression of emotions and how he also learned to suppress emotions.

The work was challenging for Tom because his usual way of handling uncomfortable emotions was to suppress them, but in therapy he gradually learned how to identify and express his emotions in a healthy way.

Initially, he felt like he was doing something wrong, especially when he allowed himself to feel sadness. He could hear his parents voices in his head saying "Boys don't cry". But he realized that uncomfortable emotions are like waves--they ascend, peak and subside eventually. He also realized that he felt much better when he allowed his emotions to release.

Over time, Ann noticed the difference in Tom and she felt much closer to him.  Tom also felt closer to Ann and more relaxed with himself.

Conclusion

Managing your emotions is part of developing emotional intelligence which is essential for your own well-being as well as maintaining healthy relationships.

Emotional Regulation vs Controlling Your Emotions

If you're having problems with emotional regulation, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to develop emotional regulation skills.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Emotional Regulation: How Do You Know What You Need When You Feel Emotionally Distressed?

What's the Difference Between Emotional Co-regulation and Self Regulation?

What's the Difference Between Feeling Calm and Being Emotionally Numb?

How to Manage Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them  

Managing Your Emotions While Working Through Trauma 

Managing Emotions: What is the Life Cycle of an Emotion?

Many people struggle with allowing themselves to experience their emotions. 

The Life Cycle of Emotions

This is often because they were taught at a young age, either directly or indirectly, that certain emotions need to be controlled or suppressed--especially emotions like sadness, grief, shame or other uncomfortable emotions (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: You're Not Defined By What Happened to You).

The Life Cycle of Emotions

In therapy people learn that emotions are like waves. 

They have a life cycle: They ascend, peak and subside. 

Driven by a neurochemical release, this often occurs in as little as 90 seconds (see my article: Developing Emotional Regulation Skills).

Emotions Are Like Waves

An emotion often starts with a trigger, intensifies as the brain processes the emotion and peaks when physiological sensations (e.g., heart rate) are most intense. Then the emotion will subside as the body processes the neurochemical surge.

Let's break this down further to understand the life cycle of emotions:

• The Rise: An event triggers a reaction which causes a surge of neurochemicals in the brain. The feeling begins as a sensation in the body. This might include a tightness in the chest, a flash of heat or the sensation of a drop in the stomach. 

• The Peak: Usually within as little as 90 seconds the emotion reaches its maximum intensity. At that point, the "reptilian brain", which is the oldest part of the brain, can take over and trigger the fight, flight or freeze response. This often causes an inability to think straight.

• The Fall: If the emotion is not stimulated again by further thought, the chemicals dissipate from the blood and the sensation subsides.

How Do Emotions Get Prolonged?

While the natural physiological wave of an emotion is short, emotional experiences can last for hours or days if you "feed" them. 

This happens by replaying a story in your mind, ruminating about it, and overanalyzing it, which creates another 90 second loop and another and another.

How to Manage the Wave of an Emotion

• Label the Emotion: Acknowledge the emotion ("I feel angry" or "I feel sad") to reduce its power.

Breathe Through the Emotion

• Breathe Through the Emotion: Stay present with the physical sensations without trying to fight it or suppress it (see my article: Square Breathing).

• Let It Go: Allow the emotion to pass naturally instead of feeding the emotions.

Conclusion

Knowing about the life cycle of emotions is essential for improving mental health, developing emotional intelligence and developing a better relationship with yourself and others.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes From One Relationship to the Next

Years ago a friend said to me, "I just don't have any luck in relationships." 

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships

At that point, I knew he wasn't ready to hear that "luck" had nothing to do with his ongoing relationship problems. 

Once he had taken the time to heal from his last breakup, he was able to see how he was unconsciously recreating the same problems from one relationship to the next with the same result--heartbreak (see my article: How to Stop Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship).

What Are Relationship Patterns?

A relationship pattern is when you repeat the same behaviors repeatedly in old and new relationships so that you keep creating the same negative cycle.

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships

No one wants to hear that they are unconsciously bringing the same problems into all their relationships. It takes a genuine sense of curiosity and an openness to become more self aware to hear how you might be creating problems for yourself (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness and Why Is It Important to You?).

What Are Some of These Unhealthy Patterns?

Some of the unhealthy patterns include (but are not limited to):

• Choosing partners with the same or similar problems (e.g., problems with alcohol/drugs, abusive behavior and so on)

• Being unwilling to communicate when challenging issues arise (see my article: Are You a Stonewaller?)

• Being unwilling to see how you contribute to the negative cycle in your relationship

• Being too dependent on your partner (see my article: What is the Difference Between Codependency and Interdependency?)

• Being unwilling to compromise or change your behavior which contributes to the negative cycle in your relationship

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships

• Expecting to have all your needs fulfilled by your partner (see my article: Your Partner Can't Fulfill All Your Needs)

• Behaving like a parent to your partner (see my article: Behaving Like a Parent to Your Partner Could Be Ruining Your Relationship)

• Acting like a roommate to your partner (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?)

• Controlling or passive aggressive behavior (see my article: Controlling Behavior)

• Keeping score (see my article: Stop Keeping Score in Your Relationship)

Why Do People Repeat the Same Negative Relationship Patterns?

Sigmund Freud developed the original concept of repetition compulsion which is a tendency to unconsciously reenact past unresolved trauma in an attempt to try to gain mastery over them.

Relationship repetition syndrome is the modern psychological application of Freud's repetition compulsion where individuals recreate painful and traumatic attachment patterns in adult relationships (see my article: What is Traumatic Reenactment?).

Key Factors of Relationship Repetition Syndrome

• Lack of Awareness and Self Reflection: If you get involved in a new relationship too quickly, you're not taking the time to understand what went wrong in the last relationship and your contribution to it.

• Ignoring Red Flags: Related to lack of awareness and self reflection, when you ignore or minimize red flags with new partners, you're more likely to repeat the same problems (see my article: Are You Ignoring Red Flags?).

• An Unconscious Drive to Repeat the Same Patterns: There is an unconscious compulsion to recreate familiar painful dynamics. 

• Being Drawn to What is Familiar: You're drawn to what is familiar, even if it's painful, because the brain interprets familiarity with being "normal".

• Unresolved Trauma: These patterns often stem from early childhood trauma or past traumatic relationships that haven't been fully processed or resolved (see my article: When Past Trauma Affects You in the Present).

• The Desire For Mastery: According to Freud, repetition compulsion is an unconscious attempt to change the end of past trauma, especially early childhood trauma. Similarly, when you might reenact conflicts each partner hoping to "fix" your partner to achieve a different outcome than the original childhood trauma.

Examples of Relationship Repetition Syndrome:

• Recreating Traumatic Childhood Dynamics: If you had emotionally unable parents, you might unconsciously choose emotionally unavailable partners (see my article: Recreating Past Trauma in the Present).

• Reenacting Abuse or Neglect: If you grew up with abuse or neglect as a child, you might unconsciously choose partners who will be abusive or emotionally neglectful (see my article: Healing Childhood Trauma: What is the Differnce Between Abuse and Neglect?).

• Self Sabotage: Unconsciously engaging in behaviors that destroy an otherwise functional relationship in an attempt to reenact a familiar and dysfunctional family history (see my article: Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior).

How To Stop Repeating the Same Mistakes From One Relationship to the Next

• Avoid Getting Involved in a New Relationship Too Quickly: Instead of jumping into a new relationship, take time to reflect on the patterns you bring to a potential new relationship. Analyze your patterns. Reflect on the recurring negative patterns from your family of origin or past relationships.

• Work on Changing Small Patterns: Instead of trying to change everything at once, focus on changing one behavior pattern at a time.

• Get Help in Trauma Therapy: If you keep recreating the traumatic past in your relationships, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist to resolve your past trauma so you don't keep repeating it in your relationships. Trauma therapy includes therapy that was specifically developed to help clients to overcome trauma including EMDR, IFS, AEDP and Somatic Experiencing. Once you have freed yourself from your traumatic past, you will be free to have more fulfilling relationships (see my article: How Trauma Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Unresolved Trauma).

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience as a trauma therapist helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.