Relationships: How is Curiosity a Gateway to Empathy?

Curiosity is a gateway to empathy by shifting your mindset from judgment to exploration. 

Curiosity as a Gateway to Empathy

Curiosity is the capacity to feel and understand another person's internal experience. However, you cannot share a feeling that you have not first tried to understand. Curiosity bridges this gap by creating the cognitive framework for deeper emotional connection. 

Curiosity breaks down the barriers to true empathy through several important mechanisms:

Curiosity Replaces Judgment With Inquiry: 

• Assumptions Are Blocked: When you enter an interaction with a curious mindset, your brain stops trying to instantly categorize, label and judge the other person's behavior.

• Understanding "Why" Becomes Prioritized: Instead of dismissing a behavior you don't like with a statement like, "He's being hostile towards me", curiosity poses the question, "What is causing him to react in this way?"

• Cognitive Loops Are Interrupted: This simple shift de-escalates emotional defensiveness which makes space to objectively observe the other person's reality.

Curiosity Unlocks Deep Listening:

• Focus is Externalized: Curiosity allows you to set aside your internal dialog, your biases and your premeditated responses.

Curiosity as a Gateway to Empathy

• Meaning is Prioritized Over Winning: When you focus on trying to understand the meaning of the interaction, you stop focusing on your counter-argument or a need to offer unsolicited advice.

• Open-Ended Exploration is Invited: By asking non-judgmental questions, you actively invite the other person to share their nuanced, authentic experience.

Curiosity Expands Your Imagination

• Perspective-Taking is Activated: Curiosity and empathy encourages you to put yourself in the other person's place.

Curiosity as a Gateway to Empathy

• New Perspectives Can Be Explored: Curiosity provides the spark to wonder about other perspectives and other realities that are different from your own.

• Biases Are Dismantled: Curiosity can help you to bridge the gap so you can empathize with others.

Clinical Vignette

The following vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how curiosity can lead to empathy:

Ann and Frank

Ann and Frank were married for 10 years.  During that time, whenever Ann became fearful or anxious, Frank became impatient and harsh with her, "Why are you afraid to go on this job interview? You have the skills and experience to get this job. Stop worrying so much."

Curiosity as a Gateway to Empathy

Whenever Frank spoke to her in this way, Ann felt her feelings were dismissed by Frank and  then she felt ashamed of herself. Logically, she knew had the right skills and experience, but she didn't feel this way emotionally.

When they attended their next couples therapy session, Ann brought up how dismissed and ashamed she felt whenever Frank scolded her for being fearful and anxious. 

When their therapist explored what was happening for Frank emotionally when Ann got anxious or fearful, at first, he said he wasn't aware of feeling anything about it. So, their therapist asked Frank to slow down and sense into his body while remembering the conversation he had with Ann.

After a few moments, Frank remembered, "When I was child, whenever I tried to talk to my father about how scared I was of trying out for the Little League team, my father yelled at me and told me I had to face my fears and stop being a baby. He gave me a disgusted look like he was ashamed of me for being scared. That's how it was whenever I told him I was scared--until I stopped telling him."

As he said this, Frank's eyes welled up with tears, "I felt so ashamed, so I pushed down my fears and toughed it out."

At that point, Frank realized he was dismissing and shaming Ann in the same way his father dismissed and shamed him, "All I ever wanted was for my father to encourage me and give me emotional support. I realize now that's what Ann wanted, but whenever she feels anxious and afraid, it brings up those old feelings for me that I pushed down when I was a kid. It's so hard for me to tolerate because it triggers my own insecurities." Then, he apologized to Ann.

Their therapist spoke to them about using curiosity as a way to avoid judgment, criticism, dismissiveness and shaming.

Ann and Frank practiced these new skills in their couples therapy sessions as well as between therapy sessions. When he was able to get curious, he felt empathetic towards Ann and he discovered that Ann's fear and anxiety were also tied to her own childhood experiences of emotional neglect.

Frank became much more emotionally supportive and, in the process, he was able to talk in session about his own insecurities that he was never able to express as a child. Feeling understood for the first time by his wife and his therapist helped Frank to heal these old wounds.

Ann was also able to talk about how she was affected by emotional neglect in her family and she realized that, as adults, she and Frank could be emotionally supportive of each other as one way to heal their emotional wounds.

Being able to support one another also helped Ann and Frank to deepen their emotional connection (see my article: How to Develop Emotional Depth in Your Relationship).

Conclusion

Curiosity is a gateway to empathy.

Understanding the underlying issues that get in the way of being curious can help you to understand the emotional barriers you might be experiencing to feeling empathetic (e.g., unresolved traumatic childhood experiences).

Get Help in Therapy

If you have difficulty letting go of defensiveness that gets in the way of getting curious, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

Get Help in Therapy

Working through these issues in therapy can help you to live a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Developing Curiosity and Self Compassion 

Maintaining a Sense of Wonder As An Adult 

Nurturing Your Relationship 

Understanding Your Core Self and Your Parts in IFS Parts Work Therapy

I have written about IFS (Internal Family Systems) Parts Work Therapy in prior articles (see links for these articles at the end of this article).

What is IFS Parts Work Therapy?

IFS is an evidence-based therapy approach to psychotherapy that views the human mind as made up of a complex system of parts that are led by an undamaged Core Self.

IFS Core Self, Managers, Firefighters and Exiles

Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS operates on the fundamental principle that there are "no bad parts". In other words, every part of yourself developed with a protective intention of helping you to survive.

What is the Structure of the Mind in IFS?

In IFS your mind consists of of a Core Self (also known as a True Self) and three distinct aspects:

The Core Self: 

The authentic, compassionate part of your being, the Core Self cannot be damaged by trauma. The qualities of the Core Self consist of the 8 Cs: 

• Calmness
• Curiosity
  
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Courage
• Clarity
• Creativity
• Connectedness
  

Exiles: 

Exiles are the wounded, vulnerable parts of your mind. They usually originate from childhood trauma which often carry painful emotions like shame, anxiety and loneliness. Exiles are often out of conscious awareness until they get triggered so that they might not cause you overwhelming pain. They are "managed" by Manager and Firefighter parts (see below). 

Common examples of exile parts include: 

• The Abandoned Child Part: This part carries a deep terrifying fear of being rejected, left behind or unloved.

• The Shamed Child Part: This part carries the core belief of being inherently defective, unlovable, ugly or not good enough.

Shamed Child Exile Part

• The Invisible Child: This part feels completely unseen, unheard, uncared for and unimportant to caregivers and peers.

• The Terrorized Part: This part stores the raw terror, helplessness and physical panic of a past traumatic event.

• The Neglected Part: This part experiences chronic emptiness and a painful longing for affection and care.

• The Judged Part: This part contains the harsh criticism, feeling constantly scrutinized and inadequate.

What Are Common Triggers That Activate Exiles?

• A partner not responding to a text immediately
• Receiving constructive feedback during a work review
• Feeling excluded from a social event or group chat 
• Experiencing a minor medical scare or physical injury

Managers: 

Proactive protectors that run your daily life, they help to keep you organized, controlled, safe by trying to ensure that Exile parts don't come to the surface and flood you with overwhelming pain. Examples of manager parts include: 

• The Inner Critic: Monitors and evaluates your behavior with harsh self-talk. It shames you internally as a maladaptive way to motivate. It aims to correct flaws before anyone else detects them and judges you (see my article: Making Friends With Your Inner Critic).

Inner Critic

• The Perfectionist: Sets impossibly high standards and demands flawlessness. This part believes that if your performance, appearance or work is completely "perfect", you will remain safe from failure, rejection or embarrassment (see my article: What is Perfectionism?).

The Perfectionist

• The People Pleaser/Caretaker: Prioritizes the emotions, comforts and needs of others over your own self-care. It seeks constant validation and smooths over external conflict to keep others happy, ensuring they never abandon you or reject you (Trauma and the People-Pleaser Part).

The People Pleaser/Caretaker

• The Planner/Controller: Attempts to micro-manager every aspect of your life, schedule and relationships. It obsesses over predictability and prepares for worst case scenarios to eliminate the danger of unforeseen emotional triggers. 

• The Achiever/Taskmaster: Drives relentless productivity and focuses heavily on success. It links your basic human worth to tangible output and accomplishments to shield you from feelings of inadequacy.

The Achiever/Taskmaster

• The Intellectualizer/Thinker: Relies strictly on logic, data and rational analysis. It acts as a cognitive shield, analyzing problems from a detached distance to explain away feelings and keep you from experiencing raw emotion.

• The Publicist/Image Manager: Carefully curates your words, physical presentation and external reputation. It ensures you always look highly competent, composed and successful to the outside world, masking any internal vulnerability (see my article: Confusing Your Curated Social Media Self With Your True Self).

• The Avoider/Passive Pessimist: Keeps a safe distance from emotionally risky situations, intimacy or new challenges. It protects the system by shutting down, opting for withdrawal or passivity so that closeness cannot trigger suppressed wounds.

Firefighters:

Firefighter are reactive protective parts that step in aggressively when an Exile's pain breaks through the Manager's defenses. They attempt to rapidly extinguish or numb emotional distress by any means necessary. 

Unlike Manager parts which proactively plan to manage pain, Firefighter parts act impulsively and they are focused on immediate, short term relief without considering the long term consequences. These include:

The Numb-Out and Escape Strategies: These parts seek to detach from reality or dull the intensity of an activated emotion:

• The Binge Watcher/Compulsive Scroller: This part can spend hours scrolling social media, playing video games or binge watch TV to completely tune out reality.

Binge Watcher/Compulsive Scroller on Social Media

• The Dissociator: Pulls your mind away from your body causing you to "zone out" during intense situations or to feel detached from your physical presence.

• The Sleeper: Uses extreme fatigue or unprompted naps as a tactical emergency exit to avoid experiencing distress.

• The Daydreamer: Escapes chronic pain by retreating entirely into elaborate fantasies or internal worlds. 

The Substance Abuse and Comfort Soothers

These parts look to external, chemical or physical substances to smother painful feelings immediately:

• The Drinker/User: Relies heavily on alcohol, marijuana or other substances to artificially quiet an internal emotional storm.

• The Comfort Eater: Urges overeating to blanket feelings of loneliness, sadness or stress.

• The Compulsive Shopper: Impulsively spends to get the sudden burst of dopamine to mask an inner void (see my article: Learn to Stop Overspending as a Way to Avoid Uncomfortable Feelings).

The Impulse and Adrenaline Chasers

These parts attempt to replace unbearable underlying emotions, like shame or helplessness, with highly stimulating, high octane physical sensations:

• The Rager: Deflects vulnerable feelings by launching into sudden, explosive angry outbursts, slamming doors or starting verbal fights.

The Risk Taker

• The Risk Taker: Drives dangerously or engages in reckless behavior such as extreme speeding, gambling or unsafe sexual encounters, using adrenaline to overpower emotional pain.

• The Self Harmer: Expresses internal pain or seeks release from emotional numbness through physical self injury or suicidal ideation.

How Do Managers and Firefighters Differ From Each Other?

To understand your internal world, it helps to understand the difference between Manager parts, Firefighter parts and Exiles:

Managers

• Core Strategy: Control and prevention
• Behavioral Goal: Keep life orderly; minimize social and emotional risk
• Timing: Proactive (before pain occurs)

Firefighters

• Core Strategy: Distraction and numbing
• Behavioral Goal: Extinguish overwhelming emotional fires at all costs (e.g, drinking, drugging, gambling, dissociation, etc).
• Timing: Reactive (after an exile is triggered)

Exiles

• Core Strategy: Vulnerability and burden
• Behavioral Goal: Contain deep emotional wounds, childhood trauma, shame and loneliness
• Timing: Suppressed (hidden beneath protector parts)

Getting Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

IFS is an effective, evidence-based, gentle trauma therapy. 

Although it is gentle, it is also powerful in terms of healing trauma.

Get Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

IFS prioritizes pacing, internal consent and a non-pathologizing framework that doesn't force a client to relive their traumatic events. 

If you have been unable to work through problems on your own, consider working with a skilled IFS therapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy) and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Does IFS Parts Work Therapy Help You to Understand Yourself? 

How Does IFS Parts Work Therapy Help With Anxiety? 

How Can IFS Help With Trauma?

 

How to Develop Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

As a psychotherapist who works with individual adults and couples, a common complaint I hear from clients is that they feel their relationship lacks emotional depth.  This leaves both partners feeling lonely.

Developing Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

How to Develop Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

Emotional depth can be learned and developed over time. While some people are naturally wired with higher neurological sensitivity, emotional depth is a capacity that can develop when you consciously choose to unlearn emotional detachment and practice expanding your inner world.

What is Emotional Depth?

Emotional depth includes: 

• The capacity to be profoundly affected by life experiences
• The ability to hold space for nuance
• The ability to sit with emotional discomfort without trying to avoid it

Why Do Some People Lack Emotional Depth?

A lack of emotional depth is usually a learned survival mechanism which involves suppressing depth due to:

• Childhood Conditioning: Being raised by emotionally distant role models or being taught that emotional vulnerability is a "weakness"

• Protective Detachment: Numbing emotions or using constant busyness, humor and escapism to avoid processing painful emotions

• Fear of Complexity: Choosing superficial interactions because stepping into deeper emotional waters feels unpredictable or overwhelming

How to Develop Emotional Depth

If you want to develop emotional depth, you can retrain yourself through deliberate habits including:

Shifting From Fact-Sharing to Emotional Labeling

Many couples mistake daily logistics ("How was your day?" or "Did you pay that bill?") for meaningful communication, but depth requires moving down into your internal emotional experience:

• Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary: Stop describing your state as just "fine", "good" or "bad". Use tools like the Wheel of Emotion to identify the precise layers of what you are experiencing (e.g., distinguishing anger from underlying grief or rejection).  Learning to name emotions builds a bridge between your logical brain and your inner world.

• Practicing Staying With Discomfort: When difficult emotions arise, your instinct might be to distract yourself, self-medicate or find a quick fix solution. Instead of trying to move away from difficult emotions, pause, take a deep breath and observe the physical sensations in your body. Whether your emotions are pleasant or unpleasant, you will probably discover that emotions are often like waves--they rise, peak and then subside (see my article: The Life Cycle of Emotions).

• Increasing Emotional Vulnerability Incrementally: Share minor internal fears, insecurities or meaningful childhood memories. This takes time to develop. So, recognize that you don't have to share your heaviest secrets overnight. Start by trying to be a little more emotionally open with your partner.

Practicing Active Attunement

Attunement means leaning in and emotionally connecting with your partner when your they reach out. This ensures that they feel safe, seen and validated:

• Listening to Understand--Not to Fix: When your partner vents, suppress the urge you might feel to offer immediate solutions. Focus entirely on their emotional experience.

Developing Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

• Mirroring and Validating: Use phrases like, "It sounds like you felt really let down and that makes sense because you worked so hard." Validating their feelings ensure they don't feel emotionally stranded and alone (see my article: What is Emotional Validation and Why Is It So Important in Relationships?).

• Asking Open-Ended Discovery Questions: Replace generic questions with deep, curiosity-driven questions ("What is a major dream you are currently feeling scared about?" or "What did your childhood teach you about handling your anger?").

Establishing Rituals of Connection

Rituals of connection anchor a relationship, ensuring that building depth is a priority even during stressful and hectic times in life:

• Daily Emotional Communication: Set aside 15-20 minutes every evening where you turn off all electronics to check in with each other's internal worlds.

Developing Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

• Non-Sexual Physical Affection: Prioritize long hugs, holding hands or cuddling on the couch. Regular non-sexual touch releases oxytocin, which naturally lowers defenses and deepens your emotional bond.

• Share Novel Experiences: Step out of your comfort zones together by learning a new skill, volunteering or exploring an unfamiliar place. Facing the slight vulnerability of a new environment together forces you to rely on each other and connect with each other.

Leaning Into Constructive Conflict

Contrary to what most people think, couples who rarely or never fight often lack emotional depth because they are actively avoiding uncomfortable truths. Working through disagreements with care is a powerful way to accelerate emotional intimacy:

• Share the "Anger Iceberg": Anger is often a secondary emotion. Look beneath the irritation to discover the primary emotion, a more vulnerable emotion driving the anger--such as hurt, fear or loneliness.  Instead of focusing on your anger, communicate the deeper emotions underneath the anger (see my article: Anger as a Secondary Emotion).

Developing Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

• Use "I" Statements: Frame disagreements around your personal feelings rather than pointing fingers at your partner.  Say, "I feel disconnected from you when we don't spend time together" instead of "You always ignore me."

Get Help in Couples Therapy

If you and your partner are having difficulty trying to develop emotional depth in your relationship, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an experienced couples therapist. 

Get Help in Couples Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) For Couples is especially helpful in bringing couples together and helping them to build the necessary skills over time so they can experience emotional vulnerability and depth (see my article: What is Emotionally Focuse Therapy (EFT)?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in EFT couples therapy so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me,

Also See My Articles:

How to Cope With Being Triggered in Your Relationship 

Getting Your Emotional Needs Met in Your Relationship 

What Do Couples Talk About in Couples Therapy? 

Cinema Therapy: How Can Watching Movies Improve Your Relationship?

In my prior article, Cinema Therapy: How Can Watching Movies Improve Your Mental Health?, I began a discussion about how cinema therapy (also known as movie therapy) is used in psychotherapy to improve mental health.

Watching Movies Can Improve Your Relationship

In the current article, I'm focusing specifically on cinema therapy for relationships and couples therapy.

How Can Cinema Therapy Be Used in Couples Therapy?

One way cinema therapy can be used in couples therapy is to help the couple deepen their emotional connection.

Watching Movies Can Improve Your Relationship

Cinema therapy is one potential tool in couples therapy. 

Cinema therapy uses movies, TV programs or videos to help couples to explore their relationship dynamics in a safe, structured way. While watching a movie, couples can project their feelings onto the characters which can make it easier to discuss difficult truths:

• Metaphor As a Bridge: Couples identify with characters' struggles.

• Emotional Distance: It can feel safer to look at a movie character's strengthens and challenges than it does to look at yourself or your partner.

• Shared Vocabulary: Scenes provide a reference point for discussion for the individuals in the relationship and in their couples therapy.

• Empathy Building: Partners see perspectives visually illustrated on screen. 

How to Watch Movies As a Couple to Improve Your Relationship

• Choice of Films: The couples therapist chooses films with complex characters which are relevant to your issues.  The therapist might also choose films that will help to generate discussions between you and deepen your connection.

Couples Therapy Can Include Cinema Therapy

• Watch Actively: Notice your reaction to the characters, their dilemmas and their choices. Notice what triggers discomfort in you and what resonates with you.

• Discuss Openly: After you and your partner watch the film, have an open discussion with them about the characters including:

• What character did you empathize with the most and why?

• Which character flaws, if any, reminded you of your own?

• Which character strengths reminded you of your own and your partner's?

• How do the characters in the movie deal with conflict compared to how you and your partner deal with conflict?

• Do you see any of your communication blind spots in this movie? Which ones? 

• What did the characters need from each other? Did they get what they needed? How does this compare to how you and your partner meet each other's needs?

• Which unexpressed fear or desire did the movie bring out in you?

• If you could change one choice a character made, what would it be? How would you change it?

• What thoughts and feelings did the movie bring up about how you and your partner can support each other better?

• Did the character's actions or choices change how you view your relationship or a certain life situation?

• What is one lesson from the movie that you can apply to your relationship and life?

An Example of a Movie For Cinema Therapy For Couples (No Spoilers):

The movie, 45 Years, is a powerful tool for cinema therapy for couples because it helps couples to confront the illusion that keeping secrets protects a relationship.

The movie illustrates how unexpressed insecurities and buried secrets from the past can quietly fester over time. It also illustrates how sudden realizations can create emotional distance between the couple.

The movie also shows the necessity of maintaining emotional connection rather than just settling for a comfortable routine.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

Cinema therapy is one possible component in couples therapy.

If you and your partner have been struggling, seek help from a licensed mental health therapist who is a couples therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Tips on How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy 

Empathy Can Change a Negative Pattern in a Relationship 

Why Does Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples Focus on Emotions?

 

Cinema Therapy: How Can Watching Movies Improve Your Mental Health?

Watching movies with complex characters can be beneficial to your mental health. The practice known as cinema therapy (also known as movie therapy) is a growing therapeutic technique which uses the narrative arc and depth of films to foster psychological growth.

Cinematherapy Can Improve Your Mental Health

When you engage in multi-layered, three-dimensional characters, rather than flat, predictable archetypes, it stimulates specific cognitive and emotional processes that can directly support well being.

Watching complex characters can benefit your mental health through several key mechanisms:

Safe Emotional Distance and Projection

Discussing or processing your own personal pain can sometimes make you feel vulnerable  under certain circumstances. In cinema therapy complex characters in a movie provide an emotional buffer that includes:

• Safe Exploration: You can project your own fears, unvoiced struggles or internal conflicts onto a character.

Cinematherapy Can Improve Your Mental Health

• Objective Detachment: This allows you to process intense themes, including grief, trauma or confusion, with enough distance to evaluate them objectively without flooding your nervous system.

Catharsis and Emotional Regulation
Bottled up feelings can lead to anxiety and pent up stress.  Complex stories act as an emotional pressure valve:

• Controlled Release: Watching a character face existential dilemmas or deep emotional pain provides a structured container that invites you to laugh, cry or feel anger in a safe way.

• Neurochemical Reset: This cathartic release can trigger a drop in cortisol and an increase in dopamine which can lower physical and emotional tension.

Cognitive Flexibility and Shattering Binary Thinking

Flat characters teach us to view the world in black-and-white terms (good vs evil). Complex, morally ambiguous characters force your brain to stretch:

• Brain Activation: Neuroimaging studies show that watching complex characters activates the parts of the brain that handle perspective-taking and the management of cognitive conflict.

• Nuanced Realism: Seeing a character who is deeply flawed yet capable of profound kindness helps you to reject harsh, binary judgments about yourself and others, which builds tolerance for life's natural ambiguities.

Building Inner Resources and Resilience
When characters navigate complicated psychological terrain, they model coping mechanisms and self discovery:

• Inner Resources: Watching a character struggle to find their authentic self amidst social pressure or personal crisis can awaken forgotten internal resources and coping skills as well as help to build resilience.

Cinematherapy Can Improve Your Mental Health

• Active Reflection: It inspires post-viewing reflection, which is the mental integration that happens after watching the movie. It can help you to apply the character's breakthroughs and gained wisdom to your own life.

Universal Experiences and Reduced Isolation

A core part of many mental health problems is that you feel alone with your experience and that no one else has ever experienced what is happening to you, so watching movies with complex characters helps you to realize you're not alone:

• Validating the "Hidden Self": Complex cinematic portrayals capture the messy realities of the human condition. An example of this is putting on a happy public persona while struggling on the inside (see my article: Looking Happy on the Outside But Feeling Broken on the Inside).

Cinematherapy Can Improve Your Mental Health

• The Power of Shared Humanity: Seeing those hidden, complicated parts of yourself reflected on the screen helps you to realize that many problems are universal. This can help you to realize that your struggles are a normal part of being a human being.

How Does a Psychotherapist Use Cinema Therapy in Therapy Sessions?

A psychotherapist uses cinema therapy (or movie therapy) as an emotional bridge to help clients to discuss personal issues. 

The therapist uses a structured framework where clients watch the movie, discuss the movie and process their own real-life experiences which are similar to what the characters dealt with in the film.

How Therapists Use Cinematherapy With Clients

Talking about fictional characters can feel less threatening than if clients talk directly about their problems. 

The therapist will often ask questions like, "Why do you think the main character made that choice?" or "What would you have done in this character's place if you had the same dilemma?"

The therapist can also explore with clients what it was like to watch the movie and to realize they aren't the only ones who have these types of problems. 

They also ask questions like "Would you have handled this problem in the same way or in a different way?"

After clients have processed their thoughts and feelings about the movie with the therapist, the therapist can also ask what it was like to discuss the movie with her. This is called metaprocessing.

This can help clients to open up to discuss their own problems and reflect on their therapeutic relationship with the therapist.

What Kind of Movies Can Help to Improve Your Mental Health

There are so many movies that can be beneficial.

Here is one example that can be beneficial for individuals and couples to watch:

The Before Trilogy: The Before Trilogy is a highly acclaimed series of three romantic dramas by Richard Linklater and starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. The three films in the trilogy are:

• Before Sunrise (1995)
• Before Sunset (2004)
• Before Midnight (2013)

The trilogy follows the evolving relationship between an American man named Jesse and a French woman named Celine. This series, which was filmed in real time over several years, is famous for its naturalistic conversation-driven format.

What Can You Learn From Watching the Before Trilogy? (No spoilers)

The Before Trilogy teaches that long term relationships require active continuous choices rather than relying only on romantic fate:

• Love changes over time
• Communication predicts survival of the relationship
• Love requires constant effort
• Time can alter your perspective

When I assign this trilogy to watch over a period of a few weeks, I use the films to help the client reflect on their personal struggles and how the characters in the movie dealt with similar struggles.

If I assign it to a couple, I ask them to watch the movies and discuss it afterward in terms of the characters and the dilemmas the characters faced in an effort to stimulate deeper communication between them and a deeper understanding of their relationship.

Conclusion

Cinema therapy is an expressive therapeutic modality where a mental health professional assigns a certain movies to help clients process emotions, gain new perspectives and heal. Therapists can also use TV programs or other types of videos.

Cinema therapy works by using carefully selected movies as a "third person" tool to mirror real-life struggles, encourage empathy and prompt breakthroughs.

It can be beneficial for individual adult clients or couples.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS and Ego States Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.