How Can Psychotherapy Help With Confusion Between Your Social Media Self and Your True Self?

In the current article I'm continuing a discussion that I began in my prior article, Confusing the Curated Social Media Self With the True Self.

Throughout this article, I'll use the terms "True Self" and "Core Self" interchangeably. Both terms refer to the innate, authentic essence of a person that exists beneath social conditioning, defense mechanisms and superficial personality traits. It represents who you are at your most grounded, unmasked and alive state. 

True Self or Core Self can be contrasted with the false self who, according to British psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, is a defensive facade built to conform to parental or societal expectations. According to Winnicott, while a false self helps us to navigate certain societal situations, an overdeveloped false self makes a person feel empty, detached and numb.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

If this topic is interesting or relevant to you or someone close to you, I recommend that you read the prior article first.

How Do People Get Confused Between Their Social Media Self and Their True Self?

People confuse their social media persona with their True Self through psychological feedback loops, digital curation and social validation.

Mechanisms of Confusion

• The Feedback Loop: Online algorithms reward highly curated, idealized versions of "reality". Many users internalize this positive reinforcement and, over time, they prefer their the digital versions of themselves.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Algorithmic Mirroring: Social media can act as a distorted mirror where it can reflect a "perfect" image back to the user based on likes, comments and shares.

• Cognitive Dissonance: Over time, a painful gap can develop between the messy real-life experiences and the polished, curated online profiles. Many people bridge this gap by pretending (and sometimes actually believing) the online version is their only reality (see my article: What is Cognitive Dissonance?).

Psychological Factors

• Hyper-Curation: Many users selectively post only their achievements, best photo angles and happy (or seemingly happy) moments. Eventually, they can gradually forget that the boring and painful moments are also real and these moments are also part of who they are in real life (IRL).

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

• Immediate Gratification: Dopamine hits from digital applause make the online persona feel more valuable and validated than the offline real person.

• Audience Conflation: People begin to perform for an invisible audience 24/7.  This performance erodes their ability to experience private moments without thinking about how they will post them.

Real World Consequences

• Identity Fragmentation: Individuals can feel empty when they disconnect from the Internet because their offline self lacks a clear purpose and an audience.

• Perpetual Performance: The pressure to maintain the online "personal brand' often leads to burnout, anxiety, depression and a loss of genuine spontaneity.

How Can Psychotherapy Can Help? 

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy like IFS Parts Work Therapy, can help individuals to disentangle their curated online persona from their True Self by underlying conscious and unconscious needs that drive the digital image (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Here's how Experiential Therapy, like IFS Parts Work, can address this modern psychological challenge:

Unmasking the Digital Persona

• Identify the Divide: Therapists can help with mapping out the specific differences between your offline reality and your online image.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Explore the "Why": Therapy can uncover the emotional and psychological drivers, including the strong need for a lot of external validation, fear of rejection or loneliness, that fuel the curated self.

• Expose the Feedback Loop: It can highlight how algorithms and "likes" manipulate your brain's reward system, which can drive you further from your authentic feelings.

Reconnecting With Your True Self

• Reclaim Somatic Awareness: Clients learn to reconnect with their physical sensations and immediate emotions rather than viewing their lives primarily through a lens of external validation and "shareability (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?).

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

• Clarify Core Values: Therapy can help clients to distinguish between societal and digital expectations to help identify what clients actually care about when no one is watching. 

• Build Self Compassion: Therapy can foster acceptance of clients' flawed, unedited and boring moments, reducing the shame that makes curation feel necessary.

Rewiring Rewards and Boundaries

• Implement Digital Detoxes: Therapists can help clients to develop structured breaks from social media to break the habit of self monitoring.

• Practice "Uncurated" Living: Clients can learn to experience moments that are purely for themselves without documenting them on social media.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Strengthen Real-World Bonds: Therapy can focus on deepening face-to-face relationships where you are accepted for your whole unedited self (see my article: What Are the Signs of Low Emotional Connection?).

My next article will discuss how Experiential Therapy, like IFS Parts Work, is especially helpful with these issues.

Conclusion

There are many ways discover your True Self, including meditation.  

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy like IFS Parts Work Therapy, has the benefit of using real-time emotional processing and relational interaction to uncover the True Self.  

Experiential therapy also offers relational mirroring as an interactive feedback loop, somatic and emotional enactment and personality integration.

Get Help in Therapy

If you are having difficulty with anxiety, depression or burnout, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in these areas.

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled psychotherapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

Over the years, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

What Are the Signs of Low Emotional Connection in a Relationship?

What is Emotional Intimacy?

Emotional intimacy is a deep, secure bond between two people built on vulnerability, trust and mutual understanding.

Low Emotional Connection in a Relationship

Emotional intimacy allows partners to share their true feelings, thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. This allows both people to feel "seen", validated and safe with one another.  

What Are the Key Aspects of a Healthy Emotional Connection?

The key aspects include:

• Deep Connection and Vulnerability: It involves opening up about desires, fears, hopes for the future and more. This allows each partner to get to know the other on a profound level.

• Feeling "Seen": Emotional vulnerability is characterized by feeling truly seen, understood and accepted. This involves getting to know the partner's inner world.

• Shared Vulnerability: This involves holding space for each other through life's challenges--rather than just talking about superficialities or the past.

• Key Pillars: Emotional intimacy thrives on trust, mutual responsiveness, empathy and active listening.

What Are the Signs of Low Emotional Connection in a Relationship?

Communication and Interaction Patterns

• Conversations Based Mostly on Logistics: Superficial conversations that are based on tasks, schedules or facts rather than sharing feelings, deep thoughts and dreams for the future.

• Avoidance of Emotional Topics: When a conversation becomes serious or personal, a partner might change the subject, make jokes or shut down.

Low Emotional Vulnerability in a Relationship

• Difficulty Expressing Vulnerability: An inability and/or unwillingness to say "I feel hurt", "I'm scared" or "I'm sad". Rather than these vulnerable emotions, partners might default to anger or superficial happiness.

• Defensive Responses: When asked to open up emotionally, a partner might become defensive or they might offer logical or intellectual responses to their partner's emotional vulnerability rather than joining their partner in their emotional vulnerability and offering emotional validation.

Emotional and Intimacy Gaps

• Loneliness Together: Feeling lonely or disconnected despite being in a committed relationship and being in the same room together (see my article: Are You Lonely in Your Relationship?)

Low Emotional Vulnerability in a Relationship

• "Mechanical" Physical Intimacy: If the partners are still sexual together, physical intimacy loses its emotional charge and can feel robotic or mechanical.

• Emotional Numbing: A feeling of being disconnected or numb during emotional moments as a defense mechanism to avoid being emotionally vulnerable.

• Unresolved Resentment and Grievances: A tendency to "sweep under the rug" rather than having uncomfortable, high-stakes conversations to resolve conflict, resentment or grievances.

Behavioral Defenses

• Hyper-independence: Also known as "pseudo-independence". A defensive attitude of "I don't need anyone" where everything is handled alone to avoid relying on a partner--even in difficult times (see my article: Masking Emotional Vulnerability By Acting Like You Don't Need Anyone).

• Inconsistent Behavior: Being warm one day and distant the next, creating "emotional whiplash" to prevent the relationship from becoming too close.

Low Emotional Vulnerability in a Relationship

• The Silent Treatment: Not speaking or walking away during conflicts instead of working through them

• Maintaining a Persona: Faking happiness or appearing to be in control rather than showing true, messy and "imperfect" emotions

Relational Dynamics

• Neglectful Responses to Bids For Connection: Ignoring or responding with irritation to a partner's attempts to connect, share a thought or ask for attention

• Fear of Commitment: A persistent reluctance to define the relationship or make long term plans

• Lack of Trust in Vulnerability: Believing that expressing true emotions is a sign of "weakness" or that it will lead to rejection

While these behaviors are often meant to be self protective, they can lead to emotional neglect and a "dead inside" feeling in the relationship, which feels like coming up against an unavailable "brick wall".

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

If you and your partner are struggling with emotional intimacy, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is a couples therapist.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

A skilled couples therapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that keep you from having an emotionally intimate relationship.

Most couples who have problems with emotional intimacy also have either a no-sex relationship or an unsatisfying sex life. 

If that's your relationship, you could benefit from working with a couples therapist who is also a sex therapist (not all couples therapists are trained to help clients to deal sexual problems).

Rather than struggling in a relationship where you each feel disconnected from one another, seek help from an experienced couples therapist so you can have a fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

What is Self Awareness and Why Is It Important For You and Your Relationships?

What is Self Awareness?

Self awareness is the conscious ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, thoughts, behaviors, strengths and weaknesses (see my article: What is Self Reflecting Awareness and Why Is It Important to You?).

Developing Self Awareness

Self awareness involves objectively evaluating your character and recognizing how your actions and personality affect yourself and others.  Self awareness acts as the basis for Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

What Are the Core Components of Self Awareness?

• Internal Self Awareness: Understanding your own inner emotional wants and needs, values, passions, aspirations and emotional reactions

• External Awareness: Recognizing how you are perceived by others and understanding the impact of your actions on them 

• Objective Focus: The ability to monitor yourself as if you were another person by focusing on the reality of your behavior rather than on a self created story

Why Does Self Awareness Matter?

• Enhanced Emotional Control: Recognizing your emotions helps you to manage them effectively

Developing Self Awareness

• Better Relationships: Understanding your impact on others helps improves interpersonal connections

• Personal Growth: Identifying strengths and weaknesses fosters a growth mindset and increased self esteem

What Are the Signs of Low Self Awareness?

Some of the signs of low self awareness include:

• Lack of Reflection: Rarely thinking about your own thoughts, feelings, behavior or motivations 

• Limited Emotional Vocabulary: Describing feelings as only "good" or "bad" or in some other vague way that make it difficult to understand, process or communicate your feelings

• Poor Emotional Regulation: Experiencing intense, sudden emotional outbursts or being unable to identify and manage your own triggers

• Defensiveness and Accountability Deficits: Responding to feedback with anger or excuses rather than reflection and taking responsibility for mistakes

• "Blind Spots" and Poor Perspective: An inability to "read the room" or to recognize how your behavior affects others (see my article: Overcoming Your Emotional Blind Spots)

• Arrogance and Over-Reliance on External Validation: Holding a distorted or overly positive view of yourself while needing to be the center of attention (i.e. a need for a lot of external validation) and always needing to be "right"

• Boundary Crossing: Consistently crossing or pushing other people's boundaries (see my article: How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)

What Are the Consequences of Low Self Awareness?

While you might struggle to understand why your actions aren't getting you the results you want, low self awareness often leads to:

• Fractured relationships
• Poor decision-making
• High levels of anxiety and frustration 

How to Develop Better Self Awareness

• Get Curious: Get curious about your own thoughts, feelings and behavior and what motivates you (see my article: How to Develop a Curious Mindset)

• Practice Mindfulness: Be fully present and aware of your thoughts and feelings in the moment

• Seek Feedback: Ask trusted friends and family members for their perspective on your behavior

Developing Self Awareness

• Journaling: Reflect on your thoughts, feelings and behavior in a journal

• Asking Yourself "Why": Analyze the underlying reasons behind your behavior and your decisions and ask why you feel and think the way you do

How Can Therapy Help You to Develop Increased Self Awareness?

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy, provides a safe space for you to boost your self awareness:

• A Safe Reflection Space: The therapist can offer a "mirror", providing objective feedback that helps you to see blind spots and helps you to see how your behavior affects you and others.

• Identifying Unconscious Patterns: Therapy can help you to identify recurring unconscious thoughts, feelings and behavior that influence your life which helps you to move from automatic reactions to conscious choices.

Developing Self Awareness

• Exploring Emotions and Triggers: You can learn to identify, label and understand the root causes of your emotional responses, including stress and anger, using tools like the Wheel of Emotions or other similar methods.

• Mindfulness Techniques: Mindfulness in therapy encourages you to be present and notice your thoughts and behavior in the here-and-now without judgment, which helps you to understand your inner world and manage your responses.

• Uncovering Core Beliefs: By exploring past experiences and current perceptions, you can uncover deep-seated beliefs and values that drive your behavior.

• Visualizing Your Inner World: Experiential Therapy, like Internal Family Systems (IFS), can help you to explore your desires, fears, needs and goals (see my article: How Does Imagery and Imagination Enchance Psychotherapy?).

Getting Help in Therapy

A lack of self awareness often occurs because adults weren't taught about emotional intelligence when they were children. 

Their parents didn't help them to name, validate and manage emotions in their daily life. 

Getting Help in Therapy

This often occurs because these parents weren't taught these skills as children, so they grew up to be adults lacking in self awareness.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to develop emotional intelligence which will increase your self awareness and your awareness of others. 

By developing better self awareness, you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the year.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me

What is the Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry?

Psychotherapy and psychiatry sound alike, so it can be confusing to know what the differences are and when to see a psychotherapist versus when to see a psychiatrist.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

What is the Difference Between a Psychotherapy and Psychiatry?

While the two terms might sound interchangeable, there are important key differences:

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapists tend to focus on thoughts, including unconscious thoughts, emotions and behavior.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

Psychotherapists have at least a two year Masters degree and many of them also have an additional four years postgraduate training from postgraduate institute (like the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy, National Institute of Psychotherapies and other institutes).

Aside from traditional talk therapy, psychotherapists who go on for advanced training also provide specialized therapy including (but not limited to):

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

• Internal Family Systems Parts Work (IFS)

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)

• Somatic Experiencing

• Hypnotherapy

• Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

• Sex Therapy (for individuals and couples)

Depending upon their skills and training, many psychotherapists can help clients to:

• Manage Stress and Anxiety

• Overcome Depression

• Develop Resilience and Better Coping Skills

Couples Therapy

• Improve Relationships

• Process Unresolved Issues, including Unresolved Trauma

• Improve Communication Skills

• Cope with Workplace Issues

• Process Unresolved Grief

• Improve Self Esteem

And many other behavioral and interpersonal issues.

Most psychotherapy sessions occur at least once a week for 45-60 minutes.

Psychiatry

Psychiatry focuses on the medical side of mental health.

Psychiatrists are mental health professions who are medical doctors (MDs or DOs). They provide differential diagnoses, prescribe psychotropic medication such as antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, antipsychotic medication and other similar medications.

In the past, psychiatrists provided traditional psychotherapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy. However, these days most psychiatrists provide medication management. 

Some specialized psychiatrists also provide Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for severe mental health conditions such as treatment-resistant major depression, ADHD, schizophrenia and  catatonia (a state where someone is awake but unresponsive to other people or the environment).

After the initial evaluation session, psychiatry sessions tend to be shorter in duration (15-20 minutes) to assess how a client is responding to medication management. After a client has been stabilized on medication, sessions might occur every 3-4 months unless the client needs help with medication.

Integrating Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

Clients, who need medication management, benefit from integrating both psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment and many psychotherapists and psychiatrists collaborate to integrate both treatments (see my article: Medication Alone Isn't As Effective As Including Psychotherapy).

For instance, a psychotherapist who is helping a client with anxiety will often be in touch with the client's psychiatrist to provide feedback on what she has observed in therapy sessions and to get information about medications prescribed. This is only done with a written consent from the client.

While some clients choose to only take medication, research has shown that combining psychotherapy and psychiatric treatments is most effective (when psychiatric treatment is needed) rather than just relying on medication because clients learn coping skills and strategies to deal with their mental health issues. 

Psychotherapy can get to the underlying issues that cause the mental health issues and if worked through in therapy, it's possible that medication won't be necessary for certain clients. 

In addition, when clients stop taking medication for certain mental health issues, they often go back to having the same problems they had before they took medication. For instance, if they never learned to manage anxiety symptoms or get to the root cause of their anxiety in therapy, once they stop taking the medication, they are back to where they were before they stopped taking the medication.

At the same time, there are certain mental health conditions that require medication such as schizophrenia, some forms of ADHD or bipolar disorder to mention just a few.

How to Choose Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatric Treatment

Making a decision about mental health treatment can be a big step, especially if you are new to it.

Consider what you need:

Are you looking for help with understanding yourself, improving your relationships, dealing with situational anxiety or working on unresolved trauma or are you dealing with more complex long-standing psychiatric problems?

If you are dealing with a mental health issue that requires medication (e.g., ADHD, bipolar disorder), starting with a psychiatrist is a good first step. Then, once you are stabilized on medication, you can see a psychotherapist to help you to make the behavioral changes that medication alone won't do.

How to Discover What is Right For You

It's easy to get confused about the differences between psychotherapy and psychiatry.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

You're not a broken machine that needs to be "fixed". You're a human being which means that, like everyone else, you have messy, complicated and wonderful parts of yourself. We all do.

Rather than focusing on being "perfect", the goal is developing a better understanding of yourself, practicing self compassion, finding the right tools and strategies to deal with life's inevitable ups and downs and living a meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Why is Experiential Therapy Better Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Deal With Trauma? 

With Experiential Therapy, There Are No Blank-Slate Therapists 

The Mind-Body Connection: Experiential Therapy Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind 

How Can Your Dreams Help You to Develop a Deeper Understanding of Yourself?

Dreams are an internal bridge to your unconscious mind.

Develop a Deeper Understanding of Yourself Through Dreams

Dreams help you to process your emotions, problems-solve and confront unresolved fears and desires. This is why they are such a rich source of information about your internal world.

How Can Dreams Help You to Develop a Deeper Understanding of Yourself?

Since dreams bypass the logical part of your waking mind, you can gain a deeper understanding of your unconscious mind in the following ways:

• Emotional Processing and Regulation: Dreams can help you to identify emotions and work through unprocessed emotions which helps with emotional regulation.

• Identifying Blindspots: Since dreams bypass your logical conscious mind, they can reveal aspects of yourself that you're not aware of during your waking state including blindspots (see my article: Overcoming Emotional Blindspots).

Develop a Deeper Understanding of Yourself Through Dreams

• Creative Problem Solving: Dreams can provide you with a fresh perspective on challenges you are trying to resolve. They can provide ways to practice responses to these challenges that you might not think of when you're awake.

• Highlighting Unresolved Problems: Recurring dreams are often signals about ongoing stressors or unresolved conflicts. 

How Can You Remember and Use Your Dreams For Self Discovery?

Here are some practical tips that can be helpful:

• Set a Pre-sleep Intention: Before going to sleep, tell yourself that you will remember your dreams.

• Stay Still When You Wake Up: When you wake up, don't move or open your eyes immediately.  Physical movement and sensory input (light) can make it more difficult to remember dreams.

• Dream Delving: Dream delving is also called reverse recall. If you only remember a fragment of your dream, focus on that fragment, image or emotion and work backwards. Ask yourself, "Where was I?" and "What was I doing in the dream?". It's also helpful to be aware of the emotions you're experience upon waking up to see if these emotions are related to your dreams.

• Keeping a Dream Journal: Recording dreams in a dream journal on a consistent basis can help improve dream recall and help you to see growth patterns over time.

• Dream Analysis: Instead of taking dreams literally, look for the emotional tone of the dreams, symbols as well as personal meaning (see my article: Dream Analysis: Are You Fascinated By Your Dreams?).

• Active Dream Participation: Techniques like rewriting nightmares after you wake up allow you to consciously interact with the dream material to face fears directly and allow you to work through unresolved issues (see my article: Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dreamwork).

How Can Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Help You to Understand Your Dreams?

Psychodynamic psychotherapy can help you to understand your dreams by providing a collaborative framework with your therapist to identify symbolic imagery, emotional patterns and unconscious conflicts and desires.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy can help:

• Identify Themes: Psychodynamic therapists can help you to spot recurring symbols and emotional patterns that might signal unresolved issues.

Develop a Deeper Understanding of Yourself Through Dreams

• Help With Emotional Regulation: Psychodynamic therapists can help to unpack dreams, including nightmares or scary dreams which can help you to manage your emotions.

• Provide a Safe Place For Exploration: Therapy provides a safe space to explore difficult feelings that can surface in dreams. 

• Help With Behavioral Change: When you gain a better understanding of your dreams, this understanding can provide a catalyst to make changes in your life.

There are many different ways of doing dreamwork (see the links below other articles).

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychodynamic psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Dreams and Embodied Imagination 

Jungian Dreamwork 

Using Dreams to Tap Into Your Creative and Intuitive Power

Working With Dreams to Develop Your Creative Imagination 

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance Psychotherapy?