Can You Heal From Your Trauma Without Psychotherapy? Part 2

In my last article,  Can You Heal From Your Trauma Without Psychotherapy - Part 1, I began with a very qualified "yes" to this question.

Healing From Trauma

Part 1 of this topic focused on the barriers to finding a therapist which often forces people who want therapy to deal with their trauma on their own. 

In the current article, I'll discuss the types of self-help interventions you can use on your own to heal from trauma and some of the challenges involved in trying to heal certain types of trauma on your own.

Generally speaking, you can try to heal on your own with one-time traumatic events that are mildly disturbing--although what is mildly disturbing to one person is severely disturbing to someone else. As a result, you have to know yourself well without being in denial about how you're affected by your unresolved trauma.

Healing From Trauma on Your Own Without Psychotherapy

Under certain circumstances, which I'll discuss in this article, individuals do heal from trauma on their own without psychotherapy.

Healing From Trauma

Many individuals who have a natural resilience, a strong support network and self-directed coping strategies have healed on their own from mildly disturbing traumatic events.

I'll discuss the limitations and risks in the next section of this article.

With the exception of complex trauma, chronic trauma, depression, panic attacks, severe flashbacks, substance abuse or debilitating anxiety and other related conditions, many individuals can heal from trauma without therapy.

Another exception is if a one-time traumatic event occurs and you have a history of complex trauma. Under these circumstances, the one-time event can exacerbate long-standing complex trauma, so it's not advisable to try heal on your own. You need professional help.

Whether or not you can heal from trauma on your own depends on certain personal factors including (but not limited to):

• The severity of your trauma
• The duration of your trauma
• The frequency of your trauma
• Your internal resources and coping skills
• Your personal access to a safe environment

It's not unusual for individuals who experience trauma to underestimate the severity, duration and frequency of their trauma, so you have to be objectively honest with yourself.

In addition, if someone is accustomed to living in an unsafe environment, they might have a blind spot about their current circumstances because it's familiar and seems "normal" to them. So, once again, you need to be objectively honest with yourself, which can be challenging.

When Is It Possible to Heal Independently?

Since trauma affects the brain's survival wiring and nervous system, the possibility of healing independently requires a combination of emotional, mental and physical strategies:

• Somatic and Nervous System Regulation: Trauma traps the body in a continuous state of fight, flight or freeze. Individuals who have unresolved trauma often benefit from physical practices like trauma-informed yoga, breathwork and rhythmic movement to signal to their nervous system that they are safe now. 

Healing From Trauma

• Structured Self Reflection: Tools such as expressive writing or structured journaling allow individuals with trauma to safely externalize their overwhelming feelings, identify trauma triggers and track behavior problems without immediate judgment. 

• Relational Safety: Healing from trauma rarely, if ever, occurs in isolation. Building trusted relationships with safe friends, family members or peer support groups help build a sense of shared belonging and mutual trust.

• Psychoeducation: Reading evidence-basesd literature on trauma recovery can empower individuals to understand their emotional flashbacks and dismantle self-blame objectively. Although developing insight into your trauma isn't the same as working through it, psychoeducation is a good first step.

What Are the Risks and Limitations to Healing Independently?

While self healing is possible, trying to navigate healing from trauma entirely on your own has distinct challenges that should be carefully considered:

• Risk of Retraumatization: This is a very important consideration. The unchecked excavation of deeply repressed, distressing traumatic memories without professional stabilization from a mental health professional can inadvertently reinforce neural pathways of fear, anxiety, panic and amplification of panic and anxiety. 

• Blind Spots: An individual's psychological defense mechanisms, including dissociation and emotional numbing, can hide underlying trauma responses. This makes identifying a trauma response very difficult to identify and resolve on your own.

• Symptom Severity: Self-directed methods to healing trauma are generally more effective for localized, single-event trauma (e.g., a one-time argument with a loved one when the relationship is normally healthy, a close call with a car accident where the accident never occurred and other similar one-time events). Complex trauma, chronic trauma, persistent panic attacks, severe flashbacks, substance abuse and depression are among the conditions that shouldn't be handled independently. Under those circumstances, a qualified mental health professional is required.

• Avoid Reliving Instead of Revisiting the Trauma: Retelling your trauma, whether you do it on your own or you talk with a therapist who isn't a qualified trauma therapist, will be retraumatizing instead of healing.

Healing From Complex Trauma

Complex trauma stems from chronic, repeated interpersonal violations such as childhood abuse and neglect and other similar conditions.

Complex trauma fundamentally alters your brain structure, your nervous system and relational trust.

Trauma therapy remains the gold standard for complex trauma.

Why is Self-Healing Not Advisable For Complex Trauma?

Here are some of the major reasons:

• The "Window of Tolerance" Danger: Healing complex trauma requires processing traumatic memories without tipping into panic or shutting down with dissociation. Without a trauma therapist to help you monitor your "window of tolerance", processing deep trauma on your own can lead to unintended retraumatization (see my article: Expanding Your Window of Tolerance to Overcome Emotional Problems).

• The Relational Wound: Complex trauma is usually caused by people. Since the hurt happened in a relationship, true rewiring of your attachment system and relational trust requires a safe, consistent relationship--the type of relationship you have with a skilled trauma therapist.

• Nervous System Hijacking: Trauma lives in the trauma-focused and emotional parts of the brain and body--not just in the logical part of your brain. It is extremely difficult (if not impossible) for you to talk yourself or think yourself out of an automatic biological panic without professional help.

When Self Help is Not Enough

Self-guided healing is more likely to work for mild symptoms and establishing baseline stability.

As previously mentioned, professional help is needed if you have complex trauma, panic attacks, depression, substance abuse problems, flashbacks, relationship problems, debilitating anxiety or other symptoms that affect your daily functioning.

Before You Try to Heal Your Trauma On Your Own, Consult a Professional: If you are considering whether or not to try to heal without therapy or you want to make sure you'll be safe on your own, have a consultation with a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist. 

A skilled trauma therapist can assess whether you can safely try to heal on your own or if you need professional help.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you decide to pursue trauma therapy with a licensed mental health professional, you have various choices with regard to trauma therapy modalities:

The Top Down Approach to Trauma Therapy

The top down approach to trauma therapy includes cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which challenges your distorted thoughts and beliefs related to your trauma. The problem with CBT, in my professional opinion, is that it usually leaves out the mind-body connection and it often doesn't go deep enough.

Trauma Therapy: Top Down and Bottom Up Approaches

The Bottom Up Approach to Trauma Therapy

I recommend the Bottom Up approach to trauma therapy, which are also known as Experiential Therapies (see my article: What is the Difference Between Top Down and Bottom Up Therapies?

Experiential Therapy tends to be more effective for processing trauma than traditional talk therapy like CBT (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma?).

Experiential Therapies are mind-body oriented therapy that get to the root of the problem by focusing on the mind-body connection (see my article: Experiential Therapy and the Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Bottom up Experiential therapies include:

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy (SE)

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Somatic IFS Therapy (Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy)

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy)

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS/Parts Work Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I offer a free 10-15 phone call before I sent up a first appointment.

You can call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me to make an appointment.

Also See My Articles:

How Does Somatic Experiencing Process Emotions? 

Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs

Combining EMDR and IFS Somatic Parts Work Therapy 

How Does AEDP Heal Trauma? 

What is Somatic Resonance and Why Is It Healing?

Can You Heal From Your Trauma Without Psychotherapy? Part 1

Can you heal from your trauma without therapy? 

Can You Heal From Trauma Without Psychotherapy?

The answer is a qualified yes under certain circumstances.

Since this is a big topic, I'll get discuss some self-help techniques in Part 2 of this topic and the exceptions to healing from trauma on your own.

Barriers to Psychotherapy

First, I want to acknowledge that there can be significant barriers to therapy for many people.

It's understandable that these barriers are some of the reasons why people with unresolved trauma often want to try to heal on their own. 

These barriers include:

Financial and Logistical Barriers

• Shortage of Therapists: Many regions in the US, especially in rural areas, have a shortage of mental health professionals. You can do online therapy with a licensed therapist within your state so you don't have to go to the therapist's office in person, but there still aren't enough therapists for all the people who need therapy. Even if New York City, the demand for therapists is higher than the available therapists. This often means there are long waiting lists or, worse still, people can't access therapy at all.

• Finding An In-Network Therapist on Your Insurance Plan: Even if you have health care insurance, finding an in-network therapist can be difficult--even in New York City where there are hundreds of therapists. If you're trying to use your in-network health insurance, you might discover that the list of therapists from the insurance company is out of date. When I worked as an EAP counselor in New York and I tried to find in-network therapists for clients, I kept coming up against this problem. There were times when I discovered that psychotherapists and psychiatrists listed on the panel were dead for 10 years or more. So, you can't always rely on that information. Then, even if you do find a therapist who is in your network, they are often completely booked up. Another barrier is that, even if you get an appointment with an in-network therapist, they usually see 30-40 clients per week, so you're often getting a therapist who is overworked and underpaid by the insurance company. There is a high percentage of therapist burnout among psychotherapists who take insurance due to the high volume of clients they need to see to make a living and the administrative burdens the insurance company places on them.

• Finding An Out of Network Therapist: You're more likely to find an out of network therapist because highly trained, experienced therapists don't want to deal with the challenges of being an in-network therapist (low insurance reimbursement rates, a lot of paperwork, lengthy waits to get paid by the insurance company and intrusive insurance audits where the insurance company asks for private information about clients' treatment). The problem with a lot of out of network therapy is that it can be expensive and, if you don't have an out of network benefit or a health savings plan, the cost adds up, especially if the therapist doesn't offer reduced fees to qualified clients.

• Time and Schedule Constraints: Balancing therapy, which is usually once a week, can be difficult with work demands, child care issues or other responsibilities.

• Transportation Issues: New York City has a good public transportation system, but in many other areas there isn't reliable transportation to get to a therapist's office.

Cultural and Social Barriers

• Social Stigma: Although going to therapy has less of a stigma than it used to in the past, many people still see going to therapy as a "weakness". So, this stigma can keep many people out of therapy (see my article: Common Myths About Therapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak")

Barriers to Psychotherapy

• Lack of Cultural Competence and Humility: There is a shortage of therapists who understand specific cultural backgrounds, racial realities, LGBTQ+ issues and other related cultural issues. Outside of major cities, like New York City, this can leave people in certain cultural groups feeling underrepresented and misunderstood. 

• Language Barriers: Individuals who speak a language other than English can have a hard time finding therapists who are capable of conducting a therapy session in their language, especially in smaller cities.

• An Emphasis on Self Reliance: As I mentioned in a prior article, certain cultures and generations place a strong emphasis on handling problems on your own. These individuals often view therapy as an unnecessary reliance on strangers.

Emotional and Psychological Barriers

• Fear of Vulnerability: Many people find it difficult to open up to talk about personal problems, unresolved trauma or suppressed emotions with a stranger. For these individuals talking to a therapist brings up anxiety.

Barriers to Psychotherapy 

• Denial About Problems: Many individuals are in denial about their problems or unresolved trauma. Despite the problems they are having in their current life, they convince themselves that their problems aren't serious enough to get help. They might even point to others they think have far worse problems (see my article: The Problem With Comparative Suffering).

• Distrust Due to Bad Experiences From the Past: If a person has had bad experiences within the health care system in the past, they might have difficulty seeking help with emotional issues.

• Fear Problems Will Get Worse in Therapy: Some people avoid therapy because they fear their problems will get worse in therapy. They fear that their unresolved buried trauma will cause them to lose control before they can work through their issues.

Next Article: Can You Heal Your Trauma Without Psychotherapy - Part 2

About Me 

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS/Works Therapy, EFT for couples, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I offer a 10-15 minute free telephone call before setting up a first appointment. 

To set up an appointment, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Somatic IFS Therapy?

I've written prior articles about IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy, a gentle evidence based trauma therapy, in the past (see links for articles at this end of this article).

What is Somatic IFS Therapy?

Somatic IFS therapy is an integrative approach that combines the "parts work" of traditional IFS with body-centered somatic therapy.

Somatic IFS Therapy

Somatic IFS was developed by IFS trainer, Susan McConnell, who also wrote the book, Somatic Internal Family Systems.

This modality is based on the premise that psychological wounds, trauma and subpersonalities (parts) don't just live in the mind--they are physically stored in the nervous system, tissues and postures.

Somatic IFS Therapy as Mind-Body Parts Work

Traditional IFS sees the human psyche as a system of distinct subpersonalities (e.g., inner children, managers and protectors) led by a compassionate Core Self. 

Although traditional IFS does use the mind-body connection, it relies mostly on cognitive dialog to interact with these parts. Somatic IFS really emphasizes the body in this dialog.

The basic assumptions of Somatic IFS include:

• Parts Are Embodied: An anxious protector might manifest as a tight jaw or restricted breathing. Similarly, a deeply wounded exile (wounded part of oneself) might show up as chronic fatigue or a collapsed posture.

• The Core Self is Embodied: Genuine healing comes from an embodied Core Self where a person doesn't just think from a place of curiosity and compassion--they feel physically grounded and safe within their own skin.

What Are the 5 Core Practices of Somatic IFS Therapy?

Somatic IFS uses five distinct structured practices to bridge the gap between mind and body:

• Somatic Awareness: The foundational step in Somatic IFS is from having a body to being a body--noticing physical sensations, interoceptive cues and internal stories (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?)

Somatic IFS Therapy

• Conscious Breathing: Somatic IFS uses specific breathwork techniques to regulate the nervous system, soothe hyperactive parts and safely access buried emotional pain (these parts are called "exiles" in IFS).

• Radical Resonance: Somatic IFS develops awareness of the energetic relational space between the client and the therapist. This allows the IFS therapist's regulated nervous system to help co-regulate the client. 

• Mindful Movement: Somatic IFS invites micro-movements, which are changes in posture or expressive stretching to let a nonverbal part of the client express itself physically its needs, incomplete survival defenses or release physically burdens held by the parts.

• Attuned Touch: Somatic IFS therapy encourages the client to comfort wounded parts through touch/grounding hand placement. This also allows the client to use their hand to facilitate a felt sense of safety.

Somatic IFS Therapy and the Nervous System

Somatic IFS is effective for conditions rooted in the nervous system because it goes beyond intellectual analysis and intellectual insight. 

Somatic IFS is used for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), chronic trauma, anxiety, complex trauma, preveral trauma and other nervou system related mind-body oriented problems.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, EFT therapist (for couples) and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

IFS Therapy is a Gentle Evidence-Based Trauma Therapy 

What is the Connection Between IFS Therapy and Neural Networks? 

How IFS Therapy Can Help With Anxiety

 

How Do Traumatizing Narcissists Use Love Bombing, Gaslighting and Degradation to Manipulate in Relationships?

Being in a relationship with a traumatizing narcissist can have a severe psychological, emotional and physical impact over time.

Usually these relationships start with love-bombing to win over the person they are seeing. Once they have won the person over, they change their tactics and use manipulation to maintain power over their partner.

To understand how traumatizing narcissists use manipulation, it's important to start by defining the term "DARVO".

Traumatizing Narcissists Use Manipulation to Abuse

What is DARVO?

DARVO is a term which was coined by psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd in 1997.

DARVO is an acronym which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender which traumatizing narcissists use as a manipulation tactic to deflect accountability and blame when they are confronted by their partner.

The traumatizing narcissist uses DARVO in three steps:

• Step One: Deny: This is the first step in the traumatizing narcissist's manipulation. They deny any wrongdoing or abuse--even when it's obvious that they were at fault.  

Traumatizing Narcissists Use DARVO to Abuse Partners

• Step Two: Attack: Not only do they refuse to take responsibility--the traumatizing narcissist attacks the credibility, character and casts doubt on their partner. This is an attempt to discredit them and make their partner doubt themself. In order to manipulate, they might use insults and threats including threats to leave the relationship. This inflicts even more pain on their partner.

• Step Three: Reverse Victim and Offender: The abuser tries to switch roles by twisting the narrative so that they position themself as the "real victim" while portraying their abused partner as the offender. In addition, the abuser will use gaslighting to make their partner believe they are either crazy, confused or just wrong. In effect, the abuser switches roles and redirects the attention away from their own behavior. 

What is the Impact of DARVO?

Traumatizing narcissists, who are usually masters of manipulation, often achieve their intended results. Since they are so convincing, their partner seems less believable. 

When the partner deals with the traumatizing narcissist's behavior on a daily basis over a long period of time, the manipulation takes a toll on the partner emotionally, psychologically and physically. 

The partner internalizes this false narrative and believes that the traumatizing narcissist isn't the problem.  Over time, the victim comes to see themselves as the problem and they believe they are the cause of their own problems.

Many survivors of this type of narcissistic abuse experience posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if they remain in the relationship with the abusive partner.

How to Protect Yourself From DARVO

To recognize the early signs that you are with a traumatizing narcissist, you need to focus less on their charm and more on your own embodied reactions to them, how they ignore your boundaries, and how they tell their stories.

Traumatizing narcissists are very good at the process of idealization, which can feel very romantic at first but is designed to fast-track emotional dependency:

The Pacing and Intensity Feel Overwhelming (The "Glow")

• Love-Bombing: They shower you with excessive praise, grand declarations, constant communication and maybe even gifts (see my article: 10 Signs You're Being Loved Bombed By a Narcissist).

Beware of Love Bombing

• Hyper-Fast Escalation: They push for immediate exclusivity (moving in together quickly or planning a lifetime together after only a few weeks).

• Instant Soulmate Narrative: They claim they have never felt this way before and you are made for each other.

Communication and Truth Are Distorted

• Conversational Monopoly: They dominate discussions and skillfully redirect every topic back to their achievements or their struggles.

Traumatizing Narcissists Tend to Monopolize the Conversation

• Victim History: They describe their history as having been the victim in the past. Every single ex-partner, family member or prior boss was "crazy", "abusive" or deeply unfair to them, according to the traumatizing narcissist.

• Information Harvesting: They ask deep penetrating questions about your past trauma or vulnerabilities which they plan to eventually use against you.

• Subtle Contradictions: Their stories have small, logical gaps, and their words rarely align with their long term actions.

Setting Boundaries With Them or Telling Them "No" Triggers Negative Reactions

• The "Loyalty Test": They create minor crises or sudden plans that force you to choose them over pre-existing obligations.

• Poor Tolerance When You Say "No": If you say "no" to a request, they react with coldness, passive-aggressive behavior or immediate guilt-tripping.

Micro-Devaluations Begin Early (the "Shock")

• Offensive and or Controversial Remarks to Test You: They make a sharp, insulting comment disguised as a joke. Then, if you say you're offended, they accuse you of being "too sensitive". They are testing you and will escalate over time if you accept their behavior.

Traumatic Narcissists Criticizing Partner as a Test

• Public/Private Split: They can be very charismatic and generous in public, but they might be cold, distracted or critical behind closed doors.

• Flawless Image: They cannot tolerate even the smallest constructive feedback without getting massively defensive or blame-shifting (i.e., blaming you instead of taking responsibility).

Your Own Internal Warnings (the "Glow" vs the "Shock")

• Recognize Your Low-Level Anxiety: You feel an underlying tension, dread or jitteriness when you're with them--even when things are going well.

• Beware of Walking on Eggshells: You find yourself carefully monitoring your words, tone, facial expressions and behavior to avoid upsetting them.

• You're Gaslighting Yourself: You find yourself making mental excuses for their abusive behavior. You also ignore your own intuition.

How Can You Leave a Traumatizing Narcissist?

Every situation is different, so only you can judge whether these steps would work for you.

Leaving a relationship with a traumatizing narcissist can be tricky depending upon the circumstances. It will require careful planning and your safety and emotional preservation are your top priorities.

Prioritize Safety

• Keep Your Plans Private: Strategic silence is often necessary because if a traumatizing narcissist senses they are losing control over you, they will escalate their abusive behavior.

• Secure Essential Documents: Gather essential documents like your birth certificate, passport, financial records and other important documents.

• Establish Financial Independence: If necessary, secure emergency funds in a private account where only you have the account number and password.

• Update Digital Security: Change passwords on email, banking and social media accounts.

• Check For Tracking: Be mindful of location sharing settings on your phone, vehicles and shared devices.

Establish Boundaries

• Implement No Contact: Blocking phone numbers and social media helps to prevent emotional manipulation.

• Recognize "Hovering": Be prepared for attempts to pull you back into the relationship with gifts or manufactured "emergencies".

• Use the "Grey Rock" Method: If communication is necessary (e.g., you are co-parenting), keep interactions brief, business-like and devoid of emotional reaction.

• Keep Records: Save copies of communication in case a legal intervention or a restraining order becomes necessary.

Build a Support System

• Involve Trusted Individuals: Reach out to trusted family and friends who understand the situation to get emotional support. Don't isolate.

Get Emotional Support From Loved Ones

• Seek Professional Guidance: Trauma therapy can be a vital resource for healing from psychological and emotional abuse.

• Utilize Community Support: Familiar yourself with community organizations that offer legal support, housing or safety planning.

Focus on Your Own Emotional and Psychological Recovery

• Anticipate the Possibility of a "Smear Campaign": It's common for traumatizing narcissists to try to damage your reputation, especially when you leave them or they think you're about to leave them.

• Document the Reality: Keeping your own private record of the reasons for leaving can provide you with clarity especially when you have moments of doubt and you think about returning to your abusive partner.

• Prioritize Self Care: Focus on your physical, mental and emotional health. Eat nutritious meals. Get adequate sleep. Exercise at a pace that is healthy for you. Reconnect with personal friends, interests and hobbies.

Conclusion

If you have been in a relationship with a traumatizing narcissist, you know how devastating this can be emotionally, psychologically and physically to your nervous system.

The psychological damage stems from a calculated cycle of intense adoration/love bombing followed by systematic degradation, manipulation and gaslighting.

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

Being able to work through the trauma of being in a relationship with a traumatizing narcissist can free you from your traumatic history so you can lead a fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

EMDR is a Mindfulness-Based Trauma Therapy

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is essentially a mindfulness-based trauma therapy (see my article: How EMDR Therapy Works).

EMDR is a Mindfulness-Based Trauma Therapy

Both EMDR and mindfulness are present-oriented and nonjudgmental using dual awareness to process disturbing memories. Both down-regulate the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) which reduces the emotional charge and the vividness of the trauma.

Here are the qualities that EMDR and mindfulness share in more detail:

Shared Mechanisms of EMDR and Mindfulness

• Dual Awareness and Waking Memory: EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (BLS) and mindfulness uses attentional anchors, like mindful breathing. Both mechanisms enable the brain's working memory to multitask which strips away the vividness of traumatic memories.

• The "Observer" Stance: EMDR's core prompt, "What are you noticing now?" or instructing the client to "stay to with it" is active mindfulness. It shifts the brain away from identification with trauma and treats thoughts and bodily sensations as transient phenomena.  

• Adaptive Information Processing (AIP): Both practices engage the brain's natural capacity to heal. Just as mindfulness promotes "decentering" (stepping back from negative thoughts), EMDR removes the "splinter" of dysfunctional memory networks so the mind can integrate them adaptively.

Integration in Therapy

• Stabilization: Therapists use evidence-based mindfulness strategies, like grounding and containment exercises to build distress tolerance before dealing with traumatic memories.

• Somatic Awareness: Both frameworks require deep body awareness which helps clients to track physical sensations without spiraling (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?).

Mindfulness exercises for EMDR stabilization (Phase 2) are somatic and sensory tools designed to anchor you in the present, manage distress and prevent emotional flooding before trauma processing begins:

Key EMDR stabilization exercises include:

• Relaxing Place Exercise: You identify a real or an imaginary place that brings you a deep sense of peace.  Then, you focus on vivid sensory details: sight, sound, texture and temperature. EMDR therapists often pair this with bilateral stimulation to neurologically reinforce the feeling of calm and safety (see my article: What is the Relaxing Place Exercise?).

A Relaxing Place Exercise

• The Container Exercise: This exercise helps you to mentally store overwhelming emotions, body sensations and traumatic memories. You picture placing distressing thoughts into a secure container, like a locked chest or vault, closing it and leaving it safely put away until you are ready to process it again with your EMDR therapist.

• The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: This sensory awareness exercise pulls you out of traumatic memories or dissociation by bringing your focus to the present room. You actively notice: 
• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can physically feel or touch
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

• The Butterfly Hug: This is a self-administered bilateral stimulation technique where you cross your arms over your chest, placing hands on opposite shoulders or collarbones, and giving alternating gentle taps on your right and left sides or focusing on a calm thought to self soothe when you feel triggered (see my article: What is the Butterfly Hug?).

EMDR Butterfly Hug

• Dual Awareness: One Foot in the Present and One Foot in the Past: This is a mindfulness practice where you learn to observe a distressing emotion or memory while simultaneously keeping your awareness on your body in the present moment. You might tell yourself something like, "A memory is coming up, but that happened in the past and I'm safe in this room right now."

Get Help in EMDR Therapy

EMDR therapy is a mindfulness-based therapy to overcome trauma.

Get Help in EMDR Therapy

If you have been unable to work through traumatic memories on your own or in traditional talk therapy, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an EMDR therapist.

Rather than suffering with unresolved trauma, seek help in EMDR therapy so you can free yourself from your traumatic history and live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Understanding Why An Emotional Block Might Be Preventing You From Crying

If you have ever felt like your tears of sadness are "stuck", you know the frustration of feeling an emotional block (also known as emotional numbing). This often happens when your nervous system feels overwhelmed and enters into a self-protective "freeze" response.

Trauma Responses: The Freeze Response

You might feel the intense pressure of a lump in your throat, but your mind perceives this type crying as a potential threat to your emotional survival and safety. This "freeze" response is known as a trauma response. 

What Are the Reasons Why Your Tears Might Feel "Stuck"?

• Your Nervous System "Freeze" Response: When you experience prolonged stress or intense trauma, your sympathetic nervous system (SNS) can become overloaded. Instead of triggering a fight-or-flight response, your body reacts with a survival mechanism called dissociation (also known as a dorsal vagal shutdown).  Your brain reduces the intensity of your emotions to protect you from being overwhelmed by them. This response acts like a "circuit breaker" that cuts off power to your tear ducts (see my article: What is Trauma-Related Dissociation?)

Trauma Responses: The Freeze Response 

• Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout: Crying is an active biological process that requires emotional energy. If you have been trying to "hold it together" for months or even years, your emotional reserves can become depleted. The sadness is there, but your body might not have the stamina to release the tears.

Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout

• Unconscious Conditioning and Safety Walls: If you grew up in a household where there were rules that you shouldn't cry or you were punished for showing emotional vulnerability, these experiences can teach your brain to suppress tears. If you might ahve been given the message that you had to be "independent" when you were a child so you had to keep your emotions suppressed. In addition, forcing yourself to "power through" can leave you with no room to pause, soften, feel your feelings and cry.  

Being Scolded For Crying as a Child?

• Mental Health Conditions: Even though depression is usually associated with sadness, it frequently shows up as emotional blunting or anhedonia. This can make you experience your feelings as "flat" which makes tears inaccessible.

How to Safely Release Blocked Emotions in Experiential Therapy

You can't force an emotional release by trying to force yourself to cry because when you put that kind of pressure on yourself, your nervous system tightens up even more. In order for you release pent up emotions, you need to have a sense of safety so your body can gently release the emotions.

When you are dealing with "stuck" emotions, traditional talk therapy can be too much of an intellectual process that keeps you in your head. You might gain intellectual insight into your problems, but you don't get an emotional release.

The most effective therapies for processing trauma and releasing "stuck" emotions are mind-body oriented therapies, also known as Experiential Therapies (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective For Healing Trauma Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

The following are some of the main types of Experiential Therapy:

• Somatic Experiencing (SE): SE was developed by Dr. Peter Levine. SE treats emotional numbness as trapped survival energy from past stress or trauma. An SE therapist helps you to slow down so you can track subtle sensations (warmth, tingling, tightness) rather than asking you to only talk about what you're experiencing. By slowly introducing small amounts of "stuck" energy at a time (a process called "titration" in SE), your nervous system gently "thaws out" of its freeze response without becoming overwhelmed (see my article:  What Are the Benefits of SE to Heal Trauma?).

Somatic Experiencing Therapy

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): While EMDR is usually associated with the bilateral stimulation process it uses, it is deeply rooted in how the body stores distressing memories. During the processing phase of EMDR, you focus on a particular memory or, if you are stuck in a freeze response, you focus on the physical feeling of numbness and where you feel it in the body. Then you follow either a physical or tactile bilateral stimulus. EMDR can help you to process "stuck" emotional information. Over time, this can lead to a somatic discharge like crying or a deep sense of physical relief when your body and mind feel safe enough to do it (see my article: How Does EMDR Therapy Work: EMDR and the Brain).

EMDR Therapy

• Internal Family Systems (IFS) Parts Work Therapy: In IFS an inability to cry due to a trauma-related freeze response is viewed as a protective strategy rather than a "broken" emotional system.  From an IFS perspective, this freeze response shields you from being overwhelmed by grief, fear or overwhelming sadness. In traditional psychotherapy the freeze response is often viewed as a symptom to eliminate, but in IFS the freeze response is appreciated as a protective aspect of the client. An IFS therapist uses the process called "unblending" to help the client to step away from the freeze response so that they can access Core Self, which is a part that is compassionate and curious to get to the underlying emotional wound that the emotional numbing protects (see my article: IFS Therapy is a Gentle Evidence-Based Trauma Therapy).

IFS Parts Work Therapy

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP): An AEDP therapist treats the freeze response with a safe relational environment that gently helps to "thaw out" the nervous system. One of AEDP's primary goals is to "undo aloneness" where the therapist uses attachment-oriented affirmation ("I am here with you" or "We are doing this together") to build a secure base. When the brain registers true relational safety, the nervous system naturally begins to release it's survival-driven emotional numbing. The AEDP therapist also uses moment-to-moment tracking of the client's somatic cues. She will bring awareness to these somatic cues ("I notice that your jaw seems tight" or "I notice that your breath seems shallow. Can we slow down so we can see what's happening there?" Similar to IFS, AEDP recognizes that emotional numbing was once an adaptive defense when it wasn't possible to express emotions. So, she helps the client to process the emotional numbing. When the client begins to "thaw" from the emotional numbing, the therapist shares the emotional burden, validating the client's feelings and keeping the client anchored within their "window of tolerance" so that this energy can be discharged in a way that is manageable for the client (see my article: What is AEDP and How Does It Heal Trauma?).

What Are the Benefits of Integrating Experiential Therapies Like EMDR, IFS, AEDP and SE?

When an Experiential Therapist integrates EMDR, IFS, AEDP and SE (or any combination of these therapies), it means she is practicing an integrative trauma-informed "bottom up" approach to healing trauma.

Rather than using an intellectual top-down approach of talking about trauma conceptually, as would be done in traditional psychotherapy, the Experiential Therapist targets how trauma is held in the mind and in the nervous system. 

By using a combination of Experiential Therapy, the trauma therapist builds a complete plan that addresses the cognitive, emotional, relational and physical layers of your trauma. 

Get Help in Experiential Therapy

Whereas traditional psychotherapy is a "top down" approach, Experiential Therapies are a  "bottom up" approach to healing trauma.

Get Help in Experiential Therapy

The bottom-up approach of Experiential Therapy is often more effective than a top-down approach because because trauma, intense anxiety and emotional stress are stored in the lower brain regions and the autonomic nervous system which rational thoughts and traditional talk therapy cannot access.

If you are struggling with unresolved trauma, seek help in Experiential Therapy so you can heal your trauma and lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

EMDR Therapy - When Talk Therapy Isn't Enough 

Somatic Experiencing - A Mind-Body Oriented Therapy to Heal Trauma 

AEDP: How Does AEDP Process Emotions? 

IFS: How Are Emotions Processed in IFS Parts Work Therapy?