What Are the Similarities and Differences Between IFS Parts Work Therapy and Contemporary Psychoanalysis?

In my prior article, Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and Experiential Therapy, I discussed integrating experiential therapy and contemporary psychoanalysis.

IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

As I mentioned in that article, experiential therapy includes :

• Hypnotherapy (also known as Clinical Hypnosis)

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Parts Work Therapy (Ego States Therapy and IFS: Internal Family Systems)

• Emotion Focused Therapy For Couples (EFT)

• Somatic Experiencing

In the current article I'm exploring the similarities and differences between IFS Parts Work Therapy and contemporary psychoanalysis, in particular, relational psychoanalysis.

For a basic explanation of contemporary psychoanalysis and experiential therapy see my prior article.

Similarities Between IFS Parts Work Therapy and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

Both IFS Parts Work Therapy and contemporary psychoanalysis:

• Recognize the Importance of the Unconscious Mind: Mental processes in contemporary psychoanalysis and parts work in IFS emphasize the importance of the unconscious mind (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

• Non-Pathologizing Stance: Both therapies have moved away from the pathologizing the client's internal world which was common in traditional psychotherapy in the past. Specifically, IFS views the client's internal world as made up of various parts that have good intentions. Contemporary psychoanalysis focuses on understanding the client's internal object relations and defenses rather than labeling them as problems.

• A Goal of Self Understanding: Both therapies promote the client's self understanding and self acceptance.

• The Influence of the Past in the Present Day: Both approaches acknowledge the here-and-now experiences of the client as well as the influence of the client's personal history, including early relationships.

Differences Between IFS Parts Work Therapy and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

The Client's View of Self

• IFS Parts Work: Assumes an inherent undamaged Core Self within every person. Core Self is composed of the 8 Cs: Compassion, calmness, curiosity, creativity, confidence, clarity, courage, connectedness. A primary goal of IFS is to access the Core Self so the client can be lead from Core Self and not by their various parts.

IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

• Contemporary Psychoanalysis: Assumes the self is a product of interpersonal relationships and internal representations (object relationships). The focus is on developing a cohesive, authentic self within the relational matrix.

The Therapist's Role

• IFS Parts Work: The therapist is a guide and a mediator to help the client to focus on their Core Self and work with their internal parts (also known as subpersonalities).

IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

• Contemporary Psychoanalysis: The therapist is an active participant in the therapy with a "real" relationship between the therapist and the client. The focus is on the therapeutic relationship as a vehicle for an emotional corrective experience and insight.

Technique

• IFS Parts Work: The therapist uses experiential techniques, including internal dialog and visualization, to interact directly with the internal parts.

• Contemporary Psychoanalysis: There is an emphasis on exploring transference and countertransference and the client's internal world as it manifests in the therapy.

Focus on Transference

• IFS Parts Work: Transference is understood as the client's internal parts interacting with the therapist's internal parts. When it is therapeutically beneficial, the therapist might comment on their own parts in an effort to inform the client's process.

IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

• Contemporary Psychoanalysis: The client's transference and the therapist's countertransference are central to the therapy. Both transference and countertransference offer important information about the client's internal world as well as past and present relationships.

Use of Metaphor

• IFS Parts Work: Uses a concrete metaphor about the client's "internal family" with specific roles for these parts (managers, firefighters, exiles) to understand the structure of the client's internal world.

• Contemporary Psychoanalysis: Tends to use more theoretical and nuanced language to describe internal dynamics, often viewing parts as metaphors for defended affects and anxiety responses.

Client Empowerment

• IFS Parts Work: Emphasizes "self leadership" (Core Self) to empower clients to foster lifelong skills and internal harmony (see my article: Parts Work Can Be Empowering).

IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

• Contemporary Psychoanalysis: Relational approaches to contemporary psychoanalysis have shifted to a more collaborative approach in therapy between the client and the therapist with the understanding that the therapy is co-created between therapist and client.

Integrating IFS Parts Work and Contemporary Psychoanalysis

As I mentioned in my prior article, many psychotherapists who have a contemporary psychoanalytic background, like me, are also trained in IFS Parts Work.

The integration of both approaches is beneficial for clients because they get the benefits of an in-depth, relational therapy, like contemporary psychoanalysis, and an embodied approach, like IFS, to combine the best parts of both approaches.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS and Ego States Parts Work Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Other Articles About IFS Parts Work Therapy:

How Does Parts Work Therapy, Like IFS and Ego States Therapy, Help You to Understand Yourself

Understanding the Different Parts of Yourself

Parts Work Therapy Can Be Empowering

How Can IFS Parts Work Therapy Help With Anxiety?

Is an Unconscious Part of Yourself Running Your Life?

Also See My Article About Contemporary Psychotherapy:

Redefining the Traditional View of "Resistance" in Psychotherapy

Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and Experiential Therapy

As a psychotherapist of nearly 30 years, I've found that many people still think of psychoanalysis as Freudian psychoanalysis--even though this is an outdated perspective.

Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and Experiential Therapy

Why Does the Public Still Have Outdated Views on Psychoanalysis?

Since Freud was the founder of psychoanalysis, it's understandable that people still view psychoanalysis in this outdated way.

Contemporary psychoanalysis has undergone significant changes in the last 50 or so years but, unfortunately, it hasn't gotten much publicity outside of psychoanalytic circles.

Pop culture tends to focus on outdated and stereotypical perspectives on psychoanalysis related to the early days of psychoanalysis such as: 

• Clients lying on the couch 
• Therapists sitting behind them
• Clients free associating and talking about their childhood
• Therapists sitting silently maintaining a "neutral" presence
• Therapists taking notes and occasionally makes "interpretations"

What is Contemporary Psychoanalysis?

Contemporary psychoanalysis moves beyond classical analysis to emphasize the relationship between the client and the analyst.  They also incorporate various other disciplines (see later in this article). In addition, contemporary psychoanalysis includes:

• A Relational Dynamic: The relationship between the client and the therapist is seen as the primary vehicle for change. Contemporary psychoanalysis focuses on the "here and now" of the interaction. This is a shift from older models of psychoanalysis where the focus was historical and the analyst was viewed as a detached authority in the therapy.

• Collaboration and Mutuality: Contemporary psychoanalysis is seen as collaborative and interactive where both the client and the therapist are involved in a two-person psychology. The internal world of the therapist and client can intersection and the mutual influence is understood and worked (see my article: Psychotherapy as a Co-created Process Between Clients and Therapists - Part 1 and Part 2).

Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and Experiential Therapy

• Integration of Research: Contemporary psychoanalysis incorporates findings from other disciplines to build a more comprehensive understanding of the mind, including:
• Child development
• Attachment theory
• Neuroscience
• Memory research

• Emphasis on Subjective Experience: Contemporary psychoanalysis values the unique and subjective experience of the client to understand their inner world in a way that is meaningful and transformative for the client.

• A Goal of Deeper Insight: Contemporary psychoanalysis strives to uncover unconscious processes and relational patterns that keep a client "stuck." It allows for a deeper understanding of the client and new ways of relating (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and Experiential Therapy

• Rigorous Training: To become a contemporary psychoanalyst, a therapist must undergo intensive training at a psychoanalytic institute and their own three-time-a-week psychoanalysis, clinical supervision and coursework. In addition, contemporary psychoanalysts usually continue to keep up with new theories, training and continue to work on their own personal development (see my article: Striving to Be a Lifelong Learner).

Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis With Experiential Therapies

I completed my four year psychoanalytic training in 2000. 

After I completed my psychoanalytic training, I trained in various Experiential Therapies including:

• Hypnotherapy (also known as Clinical Hypnosis)

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy

• Parts Work Therapy (Ego States Therapy and IFS: Internal Family Systems)

• Emotion Focused Therapy For Couples (EFT) (EFT)

• Somatic Experiencing

I also became certified in Sex Therapy to work with individuals and couples who are having sexual/relational problems. As of this writing, I also teach and supervise at a sex therapy institute in New York City.

As a psychotherapist who works in a contemporary way, I have found that integrating contemporary psychoanalysis with experiential therapy produces the best results, especially when working with a client's unresolved trauma (see my article: Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and EMDR Therapy For Trauma Work: A Powerful Combination).

Combining contemporary psychoanalysis and experiential therapy provides an opportunity to integrate depth psychology and the embodied mind-body connection including:

• A Relational Focus: The "here-and-now" focus on contemporary psychoanalysis is also found in experiential therapy like AEDP, EMDR, IFS, Ego States Parts Work, hypnotherapy, Somatic Experiencing and other experiential therapies.

• An Embodied Experience: An integration of contemporary psychoanalysis and experiential therapies emphasize the client's and therapist's embodied experience. Together they link physical sensations and non-verbal cues (key components to all experiential therapies) to relational patterns, central to contemporary psychoanalysis (see my article: Experiential Therapy and the Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Integrating Contemporary Psychoanalysis and Experiential Therapy

• Affect Regulation: Therapists who use experiential therapies help clients to regulate their emotions which would otherwise be overwhelming. At the same time, contemporary psychoanalysis helps the client to understand the historical perspective of their emotional responses.

• Trauma Work: Experiential therapies provide evidence-based protocols for processing trauma. At the same time, contemporary psychoanalysis helps to contextualize the client's personality and history. 

• Challenging the "Quick Fix" Mentality: Both contemporary psychoanalysis and experiential therapies challenge the idea that there can be a "quick fix" to long-standing problems. While it's generally true that experiential therapies can potentially bring about transformation in a more efficient way than psychoanalysis, especially for one-time trauma, both contemporary psychoanalysis and experiential therapies attempt to achieve a more meaningful and longer lasting transformation than "quick fix" modalities (see my article: Beyond the Band-Aid Approach to Overcoming Psychological Problems).

Conclusion

Contemporary psychoanalysts who integrate experiential therapies value a flexible, client-centered approach that provides the deep contextual understanding of modern psychoanalysis and with the application of powerful, targeted experiential therapy techniques.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS/Ego States Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Healing in Trauma Therapy: It's Never Too Late to Give Yourself a Good Childhood

Many people weren't lucky enough to have a good childhood because of childhood trauma. 

If you are like millions of other people who experienced childhood trauma, you might be relieved to know that you can overcome your traumatic childhood experiences through trauma therapy.

Healing in Trauma Therapy

As an Adult, How Can You Give Yourself a Good Childhood?

Since it's obvious that none of us can actually go back in time to change circumstances related to childhood trauma, you might wonder how you can heal so that you can give yourself a good childhood.

The answer is Experiential Trauma Therapy including:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy 

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy

Healing in Trauma Therapy

• Parts Work Therapy 

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy

and other trauma therapies can help you to work through psychological trauma with tools and strategies, like Imaginal Interweaves, to heal the traumatized younger parts of yourself (see my article: Imaginal Interweaves).

All of the therapies mentioned above are Experiential Therapies which differ from traditional psychotherapy because these therapies involve the mind-body connection (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?)

Healing in Trauma Therapy

This means that you gain more than just intellectual insight. Instead, you have a more integrated mind and embodied experience that produces better results than traditional talk therapy (see my article: Healing From the Inside Out: Why Insight Isn't Enough).

With regard to reimagining your childhood, Imaginal Interweaves, which were developed by Dr. Laurel Parnell for Attachment-Focused EMDR Therapy, allows you to use the mind-body connection to heal trauma by providing you with healing experiences.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates how Experiential Therapy, including Imaginal Interweaves, can heal childhood trauma:

Tom

After several painful breakups, Tom sought help with an Experiential Therapist to try to understand why he was having problems in relationships (see my article: How Trauma Can Affect Relationships).

He had been in traditional talk therapy before where he gained intellectual insight into how his trauma childhood had affected his ability to be in romantic relationships. He understood the connection between his childhood emotional neglect and abuse and his inability to connect with romantic partners. But even though he understood his problems, nothing changed. He continued to have the same relationship problems.

Whenever he began seeing someone new, he felt excited and open to the new relationship. However, as the relationship became more emotionally intimate, he had problems remaining emotionally available and open to his partner (see my article: What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Available?).

Tom understood how the increasing emotional intimacy created anxiety for him and he knew it wasn't related to the particular woman he was in a relationship with--it was his own childhood experiences and his family history.

While he was in traditional talk therapy, whenever he felt himself shutting down with his partner, he tried to remember that his fear was coming from the past and not the present, but this didn't help him to remain emotionally open to his partner (see my article: Why is Past Trauma Affecting You Now?).

Healing in Trauma Therapy

Feeling frustrated, Tom sought help in EMDR Therapy, a type of Experiential Therapy, hoping he would have a different experience where he could do more than just understand his problem--he wanted to heal and to be emotionally vulnerable in his next relationship.

As part of EMDR therapy, his therapist used a combination of Imaginal Interweaves and Parts Work Therapy when he got stuck processing his childhood trauma (see my article: Using Imagery as a Powerful Tool in Trauma Therapy).

His trauma therapist told him that Imaginal Interweaves were one of many tools in Experiential Therapy and that these interweaves were in no way saying that he had a different experience in his childhood. Instead, these interweaves allowed him to have a new healing experience.

Tom imagined himself as an adult talking to his younger self who experienced his parents' emotional neglect and abuse. 

He reassured his younger self that he would protect him and he saw his adult self confront his parents about the abuse and take his younger self to a safe place where he comforted him.

His therapist reinforced and helped him to integrate his new positive experiences with EMDR Bilateral Stimulation using EMDR tappers.

Afterwards, Tom felt a sense of relief--as if his experience of himself began to shift.

In another session, Tom imagined he had ideal parents who were nothing like his actual parents. They were kind, loving and patient with him. 

Healing in Trauma Therapy

This work, which involved many sessions with Imaginal Interweaves, was neither quick nor easy. But over time Tom had a new sense of himself as a person who was more open and capable of emotional intimacy in his next relationship.

Instead of closing off emotionally, as he usually did, he was able to remain open and emotionally available with his new girlfriend as he healed from the source of his problems.

Conclusion

While you can't actually go back in time to change a traumatic childhood, you can heal and have a new experience of yourself using your imagination in Experiential Therapy.

The new experience in Experiential Therapy isn't just an intellectual process. It's an integrated mind-body oriented experience where you can experience yourself as free from the effects of your traumatic history.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you have unresolved trauma which has had a negative impact on your relationships and traditional therapy hasn't healed your trauma, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional who does Experiential Therapy (see my article: Healing Trauma Creatively).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in Experiential Therapy to heal from unresolved trauma so you can live a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to heal from trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Are Imaginal Interweaves in Trauma Therapy?

In prior articles I provided a basic explanation for Imaginal Interweaves in Trauma Therapy (see my articles Imaginal Interweaves - Part 1 and Part 2).

In the current article, I'm taking a deeper dive to explain Imaginal Interweaves, an intervention I often use in trauma therapy.

What Are Imaginal Interweaves in Trauma Therapy?

Imaginal Interweaves are techniques used in trauma therapy.

Imaginal Interweaves in Trauma Therapy

I learned how to do Imaginal Interweaves in an advanced Attachment Focused EMDR Therapy training about 20 years ago from EMDR expert Laurel Parnell, Ph.D.and I have found them to be an effective way to help clients to heal.

Imaginal Interweaves are techniques used in EMDR and other Experiential Therapies where a trauma therapist guides clients to use their imagination to connect with different aspects of themselves (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

This often includes imagining their younger child self (often called "inner child"). This is especially helpful if clients become stuck when they're processing unresolved trauma. 

Examples might be imagining their current adult self:

• Comforting their younger self

• Defending their younger self from someone who was abusive

• Taking their younger self away from an unsafe, abusive environment to a place where their younger self feels safe

Imaginal Interweaves are:

• Specific therapeutic interventions used in trauma therapy, like EMDR therapy, AEDP, Parts Work Therapy and other Experiential Therapies.

• A tool to process trauma when a client gets stuck during the processing

• Guided imagery the therapist facilitates

• A technique for self connection 

Imaginal Interweaves work by:

• Helping a client to develop internal and external resources

• Bridging different perspectives including a gap between a more vulnerable part of a client and a more capable adult self

• Facilitating new emotional responses by using the imagination to work through overwhelming feelings related to trauma

What Are Some Examples of Imaginal Interweaves?

There are many different types of Imaginal Interweaves.

Imaginal Interweaves in Trauma Therapy

Here are examples of a few:

• Adult-Child Interactions: The adult self comforts the child self to provide a sense of present-day safety and reassurance.

• Expressing Anger: The adult self can be imagined as holding the perpetrator so the child self can express anger while feeling safe.

• Direct Communication: After asking the client's permission, the therapist can speak directly to the child self to find out what the child self needs.

Making a Distinction Between What Actually Happened and An Imaginal Interweave

Trauma therapists make the distinction with the client about what actually happened during their trauma and an Imaginal Interweave.

Imaginal Interweaves in Trauma Therapy

In no way would I try to get a client to believe that something different happened from what actually happened.

The purpose of Imaginal Interweaves is to give clients a new embodied experience using their  imagination while continuing to know that what is being imagined didn't actually happen.

An embodied experience means the client experiences a mind-body connection during an Imaginal Interweave which helps with the integration of the new experience.

To help them to experience an embodied experience, I will help the client to have a felt sense where they feel the new imagined experience in their body. 

This serves as an anchor for the experience in an embodied way rather than just being an intellectual process (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Developing a Felt Sense of Your Internal Experiences).

Using an embodied approach facilitates healing.

How Can Imaginal Interweaves Help to Free You From Your Traumatic History?

By processing unresolved trauma using Imaginal Interweaves, you can free yourself from your traumatic history by:

• Overcoming unresolved trauma that keeps you stuck in your current life

• Overcoming false negative beliefs you have about yourself

• Connecting you to your inner resources

• Integrating various internal parts of yourself to achieve improved mental health

• Gaining self confidence to cope with past, current and future challenges

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Traditional talk therapy can help you to gain insight into your problems, but it doesn't always help you to heal from trauma.

Experiential Therapy that includes Imaginal Interweaves provides you with a mind-body oriented experience that is a more holistic way to heal.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in Experiential Therapy so you can heal and live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to work through unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

How to "Get Out of Your Head" to Heal With Experiential Therapy

In an earlier article, Healing From the Inside Out: Why Insight Isn't Enough, I discussed how traditional psychotherapy has focused on helping clients to understand and develop intellectual insight into their problems.

How to Get Our of Your Head to Heal With Experiential Therapy

While intellectual insight is an important first step, it's usually not enough to heal and create change (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy For Trauma).

As I discussed in the prior article, traditional psychotherapy without the mind-body connection creates intellectual insight into clients' problems, but it often doesn't help with the necessary emotional shift necessary for healing and change.

This is why Experiential Therapy is more effective for healing and change.

What Are the Various Types Experiential Therapy?

Experiential Therapy includes many body-oriented therapies including:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
  

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Somatic Experiencing

• Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy)

How Does Experiential Therapy Work?

Although each modality is set up in a different way, all Experiential Therapy has certain aspects in common:

• Creating Experiences: Compared to traditional psychotherapy, all Experiential Therapy involves creating experiences to bring about a deeper connection between thoughts and emotions. 

• Emotional Processing: After preparing a client by helping them through the Preparation and Resource Phase, Experiential Therapy allows thoughts, memories and emotions to come to the surface in a deeper way than traditional therapy. Most Experiential Therapists track clients' moment-to-moment experiences so that what comes up is within clients' window of tolerance within the safe environment of the therapist's office. This is important in terms of the work being neither overwhelming nor causing emotional numbing.

Getting Out of Your Head to Heal with Experiential Therapy

• Connecting the Mind and the Body: Experiential Therapy creates a bridge by connecting rational thoughts with deeper emotions, including unresolved trauma. This approach helps to identify and shift unconscious core beliefs (e.g., "I'm unlovable" or "I'm powerless") and patterns that often don't respond to therapy that is more cognitive talk therapy approaches (see my article: Experiential Psychotherapy and the Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

• Memory Reconsolidation: By creating new experiences, Experiential Therapy can activate memory reconsolidation, rewiring neural pathways related to traumatic experiences from the past. Memory reconsolidation is essential for transformation (see my article: Riding the Waves From Trauma to Transformation With Experiential Therapy).

What Are the Benefits of Experiential Therapy?

The benefits include:

• Increased Self Awareness: Clients become more attuned to their thoughts and emotions and how these thoughts and emotions interact with their body and behavior (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness and Why Is It Important to You?).

• Developing New Skills: With Experiential Therapy clients learn and practice new and healthier ways of coping with stress, managing difficult emotions, resolving conflict and overcoming unresolved trauma.

Getting Out of Your Head to Heal With Experiential Therapy

• Reframing Negative Patterns: Clients learn how to experience situations in new ways by reframing negative thoughts and beliefs. This helps clients to stop harmful patterns from repeating. 

• Enhancing Empathy and Communication Skills: As enhanced empathy and communication skills emerge, clients can improve their relationship with themselves and others (see my article: What is Compassionate Empathy?).

• Providing Stress Relief: The process of engaging with and releasing suppressed emotions and processing unresolved trauma provides stress relief.

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

If traditional therapy was only partially helpful, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who uses Experiential Therapy to help you to work through trauma and heal (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Getting Out of Your Head to Heal With Experiential Therapy

A skilled Experiential Therapist can help you to complete trauma processing so you can lead a more meaningful life.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in Experiential Therapy so you can heal and move on with your life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing, Trauma Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

You Can't Understand Your "Yeses" If You Don't Understand Your "Nos" and "Maybes"

For you to truly understand what you're agreeing to, you also need to understand what you're declining and what you're not sure about.  

This is true for all areas of your life whether it involves your loved ones, your work or other areas of your life.

Understanding Your "Yeses", "Nos" and "Maybes"

How Can You Learn to Understand Your "Yeses", "Nos" and "Maybes"?

Here are some tips:

• Develop Self Awareness: To really know what you want, you need to develop a deeper understanding of yourself using your self reflective capacity. Before you say "Yes" to someone think about how you might be saying "No" to other choices and excluding other possibilities. So, for instance, before you say "Yes" to being in an exclusive relationship with someone, think about whether you're ready to give up seeing other people and what this might be like. Reflect on what the tradeoffs are in making one choice versus making another (see my article: What is Self Reflective Capacity and Why Is It Important to You?)

Understanding Your "Yeses", "Nos" and "Maybes"

• Prioritize What's Important to You: Instead of spreading yourself thin by people pleasing and agreeing to do things you don't want to do, prioritize what's most important to you. For instance, if you're in a relationship with someone who wants to spend all their free time with you but you know you need some time for yourself, you need to honor what you need and communicate this to your partner. If possible, try to find a compromise without neglecting your needs (see my article: Time Apart vs Time Together).

Understanding Your "Yeses", "Nos" and "Maybes"

• Boundary Setting, Self Respect and Self Care: Know how to set boundaries with others for your own well-being. This is related to prioritizing what's important to you. This involves being assertive in a tactful way in order to respect your own needs and take care of yourself (see my article: Self Care Is Not Selfish).

How Can This Be Challenging For You?

Understanding your 'yeses", "nos" and "maybes" and following through with what you need might be challenging for you because you never learned to do it and maybe you were even taught that taking care of yourself in this way is selfish--even though it's not.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates the challenges involved with understanding what you really want and how Experiential Therapy can help:

Jane

Jane, who was in her early 30s, was raised to believe she should always put others first before herself, so she would agree to do things she didn't really want to do and she would often feel exhausted afterwards.

She would say "Yes" to anyone in her life who asked her to do a favor or to spend time with them or to listen endlessly to her friend's ongoing crises (see my article: Are You Overwhelmed By Your Friends' Problems?).

When she got romantically involved with John and they became sexual, Jane wasn't sure what she liked and what she didn't like sexually so she agreed to everything John wanted, but then she felt bad about herself afterwards because she wasn't sure if she wanted to do what she did.

One day John told her he sensed that she didn't enjoy performing oral sex on him--even though she did it and she didn't complain. He told her he didn't want her to just comply--he wanted her to want to do it and, if she didn't, he wanted her to tell him. But at that point, Jane didn't know how to respond to him because she had little awareness of what she liked and what she didn't.

Understanding Your "Yeses", "Nos" and "Maybes"

Jane realized she had little self awareness about what she liked and she didn't know how to develop self awareness. So, she sought help in Experiential Therapy (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy).

Her therapist helped Jane to understand the connection between her family background and her current problems (see my article: Why Is Family History Important in Psychotherapy?).

Her parents, who were well intentioned, lived their lives in a way where they were always giving to others and expected very little for themselves ,and they raised Jane and her siblings in this way.

Her therapist taught Jane how to use mind-body oriented techniques, like mindfulness meditation to get to be in the present moment and to get to know herself. She also encouraged Jane to use a journal to reflect on her thoughts and emotions (see my article: Experiential Therapy and the Minid-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Experiential Therapy includes: 

• EMDR Therapy

• Parts Work Therapy

• AEDP

Jane's work in Experiential Therapy was neither quick nor easy, but she stuck with it because she realized she was developing a deeper connection with herself and getting to know herself better.

Gradually, Jane began to understand her "yeses", her "nos" and her "maybes". She also learned to be assertive in a tactful and caring way with the people in her life.

Getting to know herself sexually was the most challenging for Jane because she had conflicted feelings about pleasure and solo pleasure.

Over time, she was able to overcome her guilt and shame about sex, and she developed a healthy relationship with her own body which allowed her to discover what she enjoyed.

Her therapist, who was an Experiential therapist as well as a sex therapist, helped Jane to consider many sexual possibilities by introducing Jane to a "Yes, No, Maybe" list of sexual activities. 

Jane used the list, which had on scale from 1-5, to discover what appealed to her, what she didn didn't like and what she wasn't sure about (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?)

When Jane told John that she didn't enjoy oral sex, but she did enjoy other sexual activities, she was surprised that he was so understanding. This allowed her to open up and get curious emotionally and sexually with John so their relationship developed in new and exciting ways.

Conclusion

You can't understand your "yeses" if you don't know your "nos" and "maybes".

Developing self awareness is the first step in getting to know yourself better and being able to communicate with others.

People pleasing often poses an obstacle to getting to know and take care of yourself and to being able to communicate honestly with others.

When you can prioritize your own needs and set healthy boundaries with others, you will be on your way to respecting your needs, taking care of yourself and being genuine with others.

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

Being able to understand and assert your needs can be challenging for a variety of reasons, including an upbringing focused on always prioritizing the needs of others. 

Experiential Therapy, which focuses on the mind-body connection, is uniquely suited for helping clients to get to attune to themselves and to interact in a healthy way with others.

If you have been struggling with understanding your needs and setting boundaries with others, you could benefit from working with an Experiential Therapist.

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

A skilled Experiential Therapist can help you to develop increased self awareness through a mind-body oriented approach, prioritize your needs and set healthy boundaries.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is a Experiential Therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York Experiential Therapist.

I am an EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work, EFT (couples therapist) and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.