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NYC Psychotherapist Blog

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Showing posts with label IFS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IFS. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

What is Dual Awareness in Psychotherapy?

The concept of dual awareness is essential in psychotherapy, especially when working on unresolved trauma (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma?).

Dual Awareness in Trauma Therapy

What is Dual Awareness in Trauma Therapy?
The ability to maintain dual awareness is especially important when processing traumatic memories in trauma therapy (see my article: Healing in Trauma Therapy).

Dual awareness is the ability to process traumatic memories while remaining grounded in the safety of the here-and-now.

Dual Awareness in Trauma Therapy

In other words, clients need to balance two realities: the here-and-now as well as the traumatic memory that is being worked in therapy. That means they are aware that, even though they are discussing a traumatic memory, they are safe with their therapist (see my article: Why Establishing Safety is So Important in Trauma Therapy).

Before doing any processing in trauma therapy, it's important for the trauma therapist to prepare clients for the work by ensuring clients have internal and external resources or coping skills, including the ability to remain present and embodied (see my article: Developing Coping Strategies in Trauma Therapy).

To remain embodied means maintaining a conscious connection to their emotions and bodily experiences while processing traumatic emotions (see my article: What is Somatic Awareness?).

Key Concepts of Dual Awareness:
Prior to processing traumatic memories, their therapist helps prepare clients to:
  • Balance Two Realities: Clients acknowledge feeling certain emotions related to past traumatic memories at the same time that they know they are safe in the moment with their therapist. 
  • Develop an Observing Self: Clients learn to develop an observing self who witnesses their internal experiences (thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations) while processing memories from the past. This observing self can go by many names including Core Self, Adult Self, Higher Self or whatever name is meaningful to clients. Because they have developed a part of themselves that can witness their experiences, they don't feel overwhelmed. This also helps to prevent retraumatization.
Therapeutic Techniques: Trauma therapists often use various techniques to help clients to balance processing past memories with remaining grounded in the present moment. 

Some of these techniques include:
  • Pendulation which was developed in Somatic Experiencing Therapy, where the therapist helps clients to shift their awareness from a traumatic memory or experience to a calm or neutral experience or to their Core Self/Adult Self as a way to work on these memories in manageable segments so clients don't become overwhelmed.
  • Imaginal Interweaves: Prior to choosing a traumatic memory to work on, clients choose people from their past or present life who would be emotionally supportive. While working on the memory, clients imagine these individuals are accompanying them on their healing journey to undo feelings of aloneness. These people might include a favorite relative, a best friend from the past or the present, a loving teacher and so on. If clients can't imagine anyone they know, they can also choose a person they don't know personally, like a character from a movie or a book, that they can imagine being with them in an emotionally supportive role. In some circumstances, clients might choose someone who they imagine could have intervened directly, like a protective or powerful person who would have protected them when they were younger.  In reality, clients know there might not have been anyone in the original traumatic memory that helped them, but dual awareness allows them to imagine and have a felt sense of being helped or protected.
Dual Awareness in Trauma Therapy
  • Breathing Exercises: Being able to pause the work and take a cleansing breath can help the trauma work to remain manageable and tolerable. Clients can also use breathing exercises between sessions.
  • Containment: Containment can include clients imagining they can put the traumatic memory away in a box of their choosing at the end of the session. Some clients like to imagine that their therapist keeps the box for them or that they keep the box themselves in a safe place until the next time they work on the memory.
  • Learning How to Manage and Reduce Triggers : A trigger is a person, place or thing that causes an unexpected intense reaction related to an experience from the past (see my article: 8 Tips For Coping With Triggers).
What Are the Different Types of Trauma Therapy?
There are different types of trauma therapy including:
  • EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
  • AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)
Getting Help in Trauma Therapy
Trauma therapy can help you to process traumatic memories so they no longer affect you in your current life.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is trained as a trauma therapist so you can live a more meaningful life free from your traumatic history.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:







Thursday, March 5, 2026

Emotional Numbing: The "Wall" That Once Protected You Now Imprisons You

 I've written about emotional numbing in prior articles (see my article: How Therapy Can Help You to Take Down the "Wall" You Built Around Yourself).

In the current article, I want to dive deeper into the subject of emotional numbing that started as a survival strategy and ended up imprisoning you with social isolation, an inability to feel emotions deeply, including joy, and creating stagnation in your life.

What is Emotional Numbing?
Emotional numbing is an unconscious psychological state where an individual feels detached or indifferent. They are often unable to experience, process or express emotions.


Overcoming Emotional Numbing

What Are Some of the Symptoms of Emotional Numbing?
Someone who is experiencing emotional numbing can have some or all of the following symptoms:
  • Flat Affect: A lack of emotional response, often described as "robotic" or indifferent
  • Reduced Emotional Range: An inability to feel high excitement or deep sadness
  • Detachment: Feeling emotionally and psychologically disconnected from others and, possibly, from surroundings
  • Indiscriminate Blocking: Emotional numbing blocks all emotions including sadness, joy, excitement and gratitude
  • Loss of a Sense of Self: Chronic detachment can lead to loss of identity, which can make you feel like a passive observer in your life 
  • Avoidance and Isolation: Withdrawing from people and social activities
  • Energy Depletion: Maintaining internal "walls" takes a lot of psychological energy which can lead to chronic fatigue or burnout
What Causes Emotional Numbing?
Emotional numbing can be caused by unresolved psychological trauma, PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder), severe stress, grief, burnout or a side effect of medication (see my article: What is the Difference Between Trauma and PTSD?).

Overcoming Emotional Numbing

Emotional numbing often starts during childhood as a survival strategy or defense mechanism which is adaptive at the time because the child is in a psychologically overwhelming environment at home.

In that sense, emotional numbing helps to mitigate overwhelming stress and trauma which would be detrimental to the child.

However, when the child becomes an adult, emotional numbing is no longer adaptive because it prevents the individual from being fully present in personal relationships, friendships, social activities and at work.

As an adult, chronic emotional numbness puts a strain on relationships and daily life.

Clinical Vignette
The following clinical vignette,which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how emotional numbing which once protected a young child in a dysfunctional family from being overwhelmed but created problems later on as an adult. The vignette also illustrates how trauma therapy can help.

Nick
When Nick was growing up, he learned to cope with his parents' constant arguments by going into his room and "spacing out" with video games.

After a while, he got so good at numbing himself that he felt like he was in his own world apart from everyone and everything else.

As an adult in his first relationship, Nick had problems connecting emotionally with his girlfriend. She complained that she experienced him as emotionally detached and indifferent about her and their relationship.

At the time, Nick had no awareness about how he was numbing himself because it had become so automatic for him. At the point when he thought his girlfriend might end their relationship, Nick sought help in therapy.

Nick's therapist helped Nick to realize that the "wall" he created around himself as a child protected him from the chaos between his parents, but that same "wall" now came with a cost because he had problems connecting emotionally with his girlfriend and others.

His therapist, who was a trauma therapist, helped Nick to gradually take down his protective "wall" by working on the unresolved trauma from his childhood.

Using a combination of EMDR therapy and Parts Work therapy, over time, Nick worked through his childhood trauma so that he no longer felt the need to numb himself emotionally (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma?).

The work in therapy was neither quick nor easy, but Nick was able to connect emotionally with his girlfriend as he worked through his unresolved trauma.

Conclusion
Like all defense mechanisms, emotional numbing occurs on an unconscious level and it's usually related to trauma.

Trauma therapy can help to work through the original trauma so there is no longer a need for emotional numbing.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy
Working with a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist can help you to work through unresolved trauma and emotional numbing (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a trauma therapist so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

















Sunday, March 1, 2026

How Are Emotions Processed in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Parts Work Therapy?

I have been focusing on how emotions are processed in different types of therapies (see links below for prior articles).

What is Parts Work Therapy
IFS, which stands for Internal Family Systems, was developed by Richard Schwartz as a form of trauma therapy in the 1980s.
Processing Emotions in Parts Work

Prior to IFS, Ego States Therapy, which is another form of parts work therapy, was developed by psychiatrists John and Helen Watkins in the 1970s, so IFS wasn't the first type of parts work. 

Ego States Therapy is a psychodynamic approach which is used to resolve inner conflicts, trauma and improve emotional regulation by fostering communication and harmony between the different parts of a person's personality.

I learned Ego States Therapy while I was learning how to do hypnotherapy in 2011 and when I learned IFS a few years later, I saw the similarities between Ego States Therapy and IFS immediately.

Ego States Therapy and IFS have the following similarities:
  • The personality is perceived as consisting of separate subparts rather than perceiving the personality as a single, unified whole. Subparts are a part of everyone's personality. This is different from multiple personality disorder.
  • Both Ego States Therapy and IFS strive to help the various parts of the personality to work together. The goal is not to get rid of any parts because there are no bad parts. All parts have good intentions even if the intentions aren't apparent at first.
  • Both types of parts work are effective for trauma, PTSD and resolving inner conflict.
  • Ego States Therapy uses guided imagery and sometimes hypnotherapy to identify and communicate with specific parts, also known as Ego States. IFS uses somatic awareness to identify and communicate with parts.
How Does IFS Parts Work Process Emotions?
Similar to Ego States Therapy, IFS identifies specific parts using compassionate curiosity through the Core Self, which is also known as the Self, Adult Self or Higher Self (see my article: Discovering Your Core Self in IFS Parts Work Therapy).

Here are the key stages of emotional processing in IFS:
  • Identifying "Trailheads": Emotional triggers or intense feelings (anger, fear, sadness and so on) are recognized as "trailheads". In other words, they are recognized as gateways to understanding a part.
  • Unblending and Self Compassion: Instead of being overtaken by an emotion, you learn to separate from it. This separation or externalization allows for your calm and compassionate Core Self to observe and connect with the emotion without judgment. This is similar to mindfulness where you learn to observe your experiences.
Processing Emotions in Parts Work: Befriending Parts
  • Befriending Protective Parts: Before accessing deeply painful emotions, IFS focuses on understanding "managers" (proactive protector parts) and "firefighter" parts (reactive, numbing parts). You learn that these protective parts, which would be identified as defense mechanisms in psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapy, have positive intentions of protecting you, such as preventing future harm.
  • Witnessing the Unburdened Exiles: Once you have developed a trusting relationship with the protective parts, they can allow the Core Self to access the wounded, vulnerable "exile" parts which hold the trauma. The Core Self listens to and observes the exile's story and helps them to release the painful emotions or limiting beliefs they carry. This is called unburdening the exiles.
The 6 Fs of IFS
To process emotions, IFS often uses a structured process to engage with the parts:
  • Find: Locate/sense the emotion/part in the body.
  • Focus: Bring your attention to it.
  • Flesh Out: Get to know the parts (images, sensations, memories).
  • Befriend the Part: Listen to and understand the part's intention.
  • Fears: Listen to and understand what the part fears if it stops doing what it's doing. For example, a protector part might be afraid when you ask the part to step aside because it fears letting go of control. This is similar to how defense mechanisms work. For instance, you might unconsciously protect yourself with denial about a problem and letting go of that denial can make you afraid. So, whether you conceive of it as a part or a defense mechanism, you have to gain its trust so it feels safe enough to let go.
Through the IFS or Ego States Therapy process, emotions are no longer suppressed or acted out impulsively. Instead, emotions are validated and released. This leads to healing and internal integration which is an essential part of mental health.

Emotional Blocks in Parts Work
After reading the summary above, it would be easy to think that processing emotions in Parts Work, either IFS or Ego States Therapy, is simple, but this isn't always the case (see my article: Working With Emotional Blocks).

Just like in any other therapy, you can experience emotional blocks that get in the way of processing emotions. For instance, in attempting to feel compassion, you might access a critical part instead that gets in the way and needs to be worked with before you can access self compassion. This critical part is often a protector part and it also functions as an emotional block.

In addition, the mind can resist what's unfamiliar. So, if your familiar experience is to berate yourself because you internalized that experience at a young age, you have accessed a protector part that is difficult to let go of because it has become a longstanding part of you.

Although it might not sound like it's protective, all parts have good intentions so it's important to find out what the intention is when a part blocks progress. Then, you can form a trusting relationship with the part so it will eventually let go of criticizing and judging you.

Conclusion
IFS and Ego States Therapy are two of several types of trauma therapies.

The trauma therapist assesses each client to determine which type of trauma therapy--whether it's EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work or a combination of these modalities is for a particular client. 

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy
If you have unresolved trauma that you have been unable to work through on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Freeing yourself from unresolved trauma can help you to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:
































 

Tuesday, February 24, 2026

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes From One Relationship to the Next

Years ago a friend said to me, "I just don't have any luck in relationships." 

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships

At that point, I knew he wasn't ready to hear that "luck" had nothing to do with his ongoing relationship problems. 

Once he had taken the time to heal from his last breakup, he was able to see how he was unconsciously recreating the same problems from one relationship to the next with the same result--heartbreak (see my article: How to Stop Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship).

What Are Relationship Patterns?
A relationship pattern is when you repeat the same behaviors repeatedly in old and new relationships so that you keep creating the same negative cycle.

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships

No one wants to hear that they are unconsciously bringing the same problems into all their relationships. It takes a genuine sense of curiosity and an openness to become more self aware to hear how you might be creating problems for yourself (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness and Why Is It Important to You?).

What Are Some of These Unhealthy Patterns?
Some of the unhealthy patterns include (but are not limited to):
  • Choosing partners with the same or similar problems (e.g., problems with alcohol/drugs, abusive behavior and so on)
  • Being unwilling to see how you contribute to the negative cycle in your relationship
  • Being unwilling to compromise or change your behavior which contributes to the negative cycle in your relationship
How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes in Relationships
Why Do People Repeat the Same Negative Relationship Patterns?
Sigmund Freud developed the original concept of repetition compulsion which is a tendency to unconsciously reenact past unresolved trauma in an attempt to try to gain mastery over them.

Relationship repetition syndrome is the modern psychological application of Freud's repetition compulsion where individuals recreate painful and traumatic attachment patterns in adult relationships (see my article: What is Traumatic Reenactment?).

Key Factors of Relationship Repetition Syndrome
  • Lack of Awareness and Self Reflection: If you get involved in a new relationship too quickly, you're not taking the time to understand what went wrong in the last relationship and your contribution to it.
  • Ignoring Red Flags: Related to lack of awareness and self reflection, when you ignore or minimize red flags with new partners, you're more likely to repeat the same problems (see my article: Are You Ignoring Red Flags?).
  • An Unconscious Drive to Repeat the Same Patterns: There is an unconscious compulsion to recreate familiar painful dynamics. 
  • Being Drawn to What is Familiar: You're drawn to what is familiar, even if it's painful, because the brain interprets familiarity with being "normal".
  • The Desire For Mastery: According to Freud, repetition compulsion is an unconscious attempt to change the end of past trauma, especially early childhood trauma. Similarly, when you might reenact conflicts each partner hoping to "fix" your partner to achieve a different outcome than the original childhood trauma.
Examples of Relationship Repetition Syndrome:
  • Recreating Traumatic Childhood Dynamics: If you had emotionally unable parents, you might unconsciously choose emotionally unavailable partners (see my article: Recreating Past Trauma in the Present).
  • Self Sabotage: Unconsciously engaging in behaviors that destroy an otherwise functional relationship in an attempt to reenact a familiar and dysfunctional family history (see my article: Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior).
How To Stop Repeating the Same Mistakes From One Relationship to the Next
  • Avoid Getting Involved in a New Relationship Too Quickly: Instead of jumping into a new relationship, take time to reflect on the patterns you bring to a potential new relationship. Analyze your patterns. Reflect on the recurring negative patterns from your family of origin or past relationships.
  • Work on Changing Small Patterns: Instead of trying to change everything at once, focus on changing one behavior pattern at a time.
  • Get Help in Trauma Therapy: If you keep recreating the traumatic past in your relationships, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist to resolve your past trauma so you don't keep repeating it in your relationships. Trauma therapy includes therapy that was specifically developed to help clients to overcome trauma including EMDR, IFSAEDP and Somatic Experiencing. Once you have freed yourself from your traumatic past, you will be free to have more fulfilling relationships (see my article: How Trauma Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Unresolved Trauma).
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience as a trauma therapist helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.






























Thursday, January 15, 2026

Trauma Therapy: You Can't Change Your History But You Can Change Your Relationship to Your History So You Can Heal

Many people who are hesitant to get help to overcome the impact of their traumatic history think getting help in trauma therapy won't make a difference for them because it won't change what happened to them.

Trauma Therapy

How Can You Change Your Relationship to Your History of Trauma?
While it's true that you can't go back in time to change your history, you can heal in trauma therapy to reduce or eliminate the impact of traumatic experiences.

Transforming Trauma Into Resilience: Current modalities of trauma therapy can help you to transform trauma into resilience by:
  • Acknowledging Your Feelings: Acknowledging the pain instead of suppressing it. This means feeling the pain and completing the trauma healing cycle. It does not include toxic positivity, which is not a genuine response to trauma.
  • Developing a Support System: Instead of remaining isolated, you can develop a support system with trusted loved ones or support groups.
  • Developing Better Coping Skills: Trauma therapy includes helping clients to develop better coping skills to manage emotions before and after processing trauma.
What is Resilience?
Resilience is the capacity to recovery from stress and trauma rather than avoiding hardship (see my article: Developing Emotional Resilience).

Trauma Therapy

Genuine resilience also means finding new hope and growth after trauma rather than pretending to yourself and others that the trauma made you "stronger" when this isn't how you really feel.

What Are the Different Types of Trauma Therapy?
Safe and effective types of trauma therapy include:
  • EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Trauma Therapy
  •  IFS (Internal Family Systems/Parts Work)
  • AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)
Get Help in Trauma Therapy
If you feel stuck due to your traumatic history, you're not alone.

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to process your traumatic history so you can live a more meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing working with individual adults and couples to overcome trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.








 

Sunday, December 28, 2025

Overcoming Trauma: You Are Not Defined By What Happened to You

Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, coined the phrase, "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become."

What Does It Mean That You Are Not What Happened to You?
Carl Jung's phrase means that while past experiences have shaped you, your true self isn't defined by them (see my article: You Are Not Defined By Your Diagnosis).

You Are Not Your Trauma

Instead, your true self is defined by the choices you make, your responses, and your ongoing process of self creation. The emphasis is your personal agency in choosing who you are, what you want to be and how you respond.

This way of looking at your history, including unresolved trauma, highlights that, with help and the right tools, you have the ability to transcend your history to overcome trauma and proactively build a future identity.

Jung was positing that none of us are a finished product based on our history. On the contrary, we have an innate ability to heal and grow beyond our history and circumstances (see my article: Healing From Unresolved Trauma: The Mind Has a Powerful Innate Ability to Heal Itself).

What Are the Keys to Transcending Your History?
  • Personal Agency: You have the power to decide who you are regardless of your history, although you might need help in therapy to do it.
You Are Not Your Trauma
  • Identity as Evolving: You identity is a evolving process--not a static state.
Healing From Psychological Trauma
Choosing to get help in trauma therapy is a courageous act--not a sign of weakness (see my article: How Trauma Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Unresolved Trauma).

Your mind has an innate ability to heal due to the mind's neuroplasticity.

You Are Not Your Trauma

Neuroplasticity is the mind's ability to reorganize its structure and function by developing new neural connections which allows you to adapt and recover.

Neuroplasticity underpins your ability to grow as an individual, overcome challenges and maintain cognitive health by strengthening beneficial pathways and pruning weaker ones.

What is Trauma Therapy?
Trauma therapy is an umbrella term for psychotherapy modalities which were developed specifically to help clients overcome trauma including:
  • EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy
You Are Not Your Trauma
  • AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)
Get Help in Trauma Therapy
If you have been struggling on your own with unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is trained as trauma therapist.

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

Seek help from a licensed trauma therapist so you can free yourself from your traumatic history and live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to heal from trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.