Overcoming Childhood Trauma With the Ideal Parents Protocol

The Ideal Parents Protocol was originally developed by Alfred Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso in 1964 as part of their body-based psychomotor therapy (PBSP). 

Alfred Pesso taught his protocol at Harvard University where, decades later, Dr. Daniel Brown, a psychologist and hypnotherapist, adapted Pesso's concepts.

The Ideal Parents Protocol in Therapy

Although PBSP used group dynamics and physical touch, Dr. Brown changed the Ideal Parents Protocol into a solitary internal guided visualization process with no therapist touch involved in 2016 (see my article: How Can Visualization Transform Your Life?).

I learned the Ideal Parents Protocol from a PBSP colleague as well as in my advanced clinical hypnosis training about 20 years ago.

How Does the Ideal Parents Protocol Help Adult Psychotherapy Clients?

The Ideal Parents Protocol helps adult clients who were abused or neglected as children by their real parents. The protocol rewires their internal template of relationships by creating new imaginary memories of secure attachment.

The Ideal Parents Protocol in Therapy

The brain processes vivid, emotionally resonant imagination using the same neural pathways as real-world experiences. 

By visualizing Ideal Parents who satisfied childhood emotional needs, the adult brain constructs a new, positive blueprint for safety and connection.

The protocol can reverse the damage of childhood emotional neglect and abuse through five mechanisms:

• 1. Neutralizing Hypervigliance (Providing Safety and Protection): Abused and neglected children live in a chronic state of fight-or-flight because their caregivers were the source of developmental trauma.

• The Healing Mechanism: In the visualization, the client imagines parents who are safe, protective and non-threatening. Experiencing this imagined safety allows the adult's nervous system to let go of chronic survival strategies so they can learn what true safety and relaxation feel like.

• 2. Filling the Emotional "Empty Well" (Providing Nurturance): Emotionally neglected and abused children feel unseen, emotionally empty, unlovable and lonely because no one responded to their emotional distress.

• The Healing Mechanism: The adult client imagines parents who offer unconditional warmth and love as well as physical and emotional comfort. This targeted visualization acts like an emotional "time machine", filling in the gaps of emotional neglect and healing a history of abuse. It also helps the adult to develop self compassion and a sense of inherent self worth.

• 3. Validating Inner Reality (Providing Attunement): Abusive and neglectful parents often dismiss, minimize or gaslight a child's feelings. This teaches the child to ignore their own emotions and intuition.

• The Healing Mechanism: The Ideal Parents in the protocol are completely attuned.  They can read the client's facial expressions, voice and body language. They mirror and validate the client's feelings. This teaches the client to trust their own emotional reality.

• 4. Overcoming the Feeling of Being a Burden: Abused and neglected children usually feel their emotional and physical needs are an annoying burden to their parents. 

• The Healing Mechanism: The protocol guides the client to visualize parents who are delighted by the client's presence. The Ideal Parents express joy by just being around the client. This directly targets the adult's core shame of "taking up too much space" or being "needy". 

• 5. Building a Foundation For Independence: While abusive parents often control or sabotage a child's emotional and psychological growth, neglectful parents ignore the client's growth completely. This often leaves the adult afraid to take risks or to succeed.

• The Healing Mechanism: The client visualizes parents who are enthusiastic in encouraging the client to explore, achieve milestones and develop independence. This can instill a deep, internal sense of security, allowing the adult to confidently pursue career goals, hobbies and healthy adult relationships in the real world.

Conclusion

The Ideal Parents Protocol can provide a powerful healing experience.

Although the Ideal Parents Protocol cannot change a client's history, it can heal the emotional pain from the past by providing a client with the corrective emotional experience they deserve.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling with unresolved childhood trauma, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who includes the Ideal Parents Protocol among her trauma therapy modalities.

Get Help in Therapy

When you have freed yourself from your traumatic past, you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS Parts Work, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples with the Ideal Parents Protocol and other modalities in trauma therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 10-15 minute phone call before setting up the first appointment.

You can reach at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email.

Also See My Articles

Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool For Change

Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want 

How Can Imaginal Interweaves Heal Trauma?

How Visualization Can Transform Your Life

In my psychotherapy private practice in New York City I help clients to use their imagination and visualizations to achieve transformation in their life (see my article: Using Your Imagination).

Visualization and Transformation

What is Visualization?

Visualization is the process of creating vivid mental images or representations. 

Visualization can be used to understand complex information. It can also be used to mentally rehearse desired outcomes for personal growth, therapy or performance (see my article: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want).

Visualization uses the imagination to form pictures in your mind. This often involves using all your senses to simulate experiences and goals. This can improve focus, motivation and the development of new skills.

How is Visualization Used in Psychotherapy and Personal Development?

Here are some examples of how visualization can be used in psychotherapy and personal development:

• Mental Rehearsal: Imagining yourself performing a task. This builds neural pathways which makes it easier to do in real life.

• Goal Setting: Creating a clear mental picture of a desired future outcome to direct your unconscious mind and increase your motivation (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

• Sensory Engagement: Using sight, sound, touch and smell to enhance the power of your imagery and make it more realistic.

What Are the Key Aspects of Visualization?

• Mental Imagery: Visualization involves seeing in your mind's eye without actual visual input.

Visualization and Transformation

• Brain Activation: Visualization activates similar brain areas as actual seeing and doing, which makes it a powerful training tool.

• Technique: Visualization can involve the process (the steps it takes to achieve your goal) or the outcome you desire (the end result).

How I Learned to Use Visualization

When I first tried using visualization as part of a women's personal development group more than 25 years go, I had a hard time accessing visual images.  The other women around me were getting vivid imagery when they closed their eyes to visualize and I was getting nothing.

Then I discovered the book, Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain, and I began to practice regularly on my own in addition to group practice. And, with a lot of practice, I began to visualize simple things and, over time, my visualizations became more complex and vivid.

At the time, I had an administrative job near the East River in Manhattan and I would walk over to the river on my lunch hour and practice projecting images with my eyes open onto the flowing river.  This took time to develop, but it was fun and very satisfying to be able to imagine and see these images in the water.

Sometimes when my women's group got together, we would practice visualizations together as a way to develop intuition. Each women would take turns imaging an image and, over time, many of us could sense what the visualizer was imagining.  This made us realize that intuition, like visualization, can be developed with practice.

What Are Some Helpful Visualization Tools?

When I was learning to visualize, I didn't have access to the wonderful tools that exist now to help with visualizations.

Here are some tools you might find helpful:

• Vision Boards (also called Visualization Boards): Vision boards are visual representations of your goals, intentions and desires. Vision boards are usually poster size boards. They are often made up of collage images that serve to motivate and inspire you towards your goals and desires. You can make your vision board as simple or elaborate as you want.

Visualization and Transformation

• Visualization Music: Visualization music is designed to facilitate visualization and meditative processes.  The purpose of this music is to help you focus on your visualizations. You can find visualization music online.

• Guided Imagery: You can practice your visualizations using guided imagery recordings or books.  A book I found helpful many years ago, which is still in print, is Mother Wit by Diane Mariechild.

• Visualizations of Your Future Self: The concept of a future self is used in hypnotherapy, EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy), AEDP and in other types of Experiential therapies. Your future self is how you want to be in the future as someone who has accomplished your goals, intentions and desires (see my article: Experiencing Your Future Self: The Self You Want to Become).

Conclusion

There are many ways to use visualizations to achieve your desires.

Visualization and Transformation

As I mentioned earlier, initially, I had a problem seeing anything at all when I closed my eyes more than 25 years ago, but with practice and persistence, I learned to create vivid images.

Using visualizations for transformation can be a fun and powerful way to transform your life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is the Difference Between Trauma and PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder)?

The terms "trauma" and "PTSD" (posttraumatic stress disorder) are often used interchangeably, but there is a difference.

Understanding the Difference Between Trauma and PTSD

What is Trauma?

Trauma is an emotional response to an overwhelming event which could include shock trauma or developmental trauma .

Shock trauma is a one-time event like a robbery, an accident or the devastating effect of a hurricane, to name just a a few examples of shock trauma.

Developmental trauma is ongoing trauma experienced during childhood due to stressful and traumatic events including physical and emotional abuse, physical or emotional neglect, violence, and chronic instability.

The effects of trauma can include (but are not limited to):

• Sadness
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Avoidance of people, places and things related to the trauma
• Anger
• Dissociation
• Confusion
• Exhaustion
• Numbing emotions and numbing yourself to your environment
• Nightmares

Symptoms from shock trauma and developmental trauma can persist for weeks, months, years or a lifetime.  

When symptoms of trauma persist and evolve over time, these symptoms can develop into posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if the symptoms of trauma go untreated.

What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

Even though PTSD and trauma are closely related, they are not the same.

Understanding the Difference Between Trauma and PTSD

"Post" in posttraumatic stress disorder refers to the physical, emotional and psychological impact after trauma occurs.

Whereas trauma is a response to an overwhelming event, PTSD is a more serious mental health condition.

The effects. of PTSD are divided into four categories:

• Re-experiencing symptoms: Flashbacks including emotional flashbacks, nightmares and frightening thoughts

• Avoidance: Avoiding people, places and things related to the traumatic event(s) and avoiding related thoughts and feelings

• Arousal/Reactivity: Getting easily triggered, having difficulty falling or staying asleep, problems calming down, getting easily frightened and experiencing intense anger

• Mood and Cognition: Problems remembering details of the trauma, a negative view of oneself and a lack of interest in hobbies or interactions that were pleasurable before

What is Trauma Therapy?

Trauma therapy includes a variety of therapy modalities including (but not limited to):

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

Understanding Trauma Therapy

• Somatic Experiencing (also known as Somatic Therapy)
  

• Clinical Hypnosis (also known as Hypnotherapy)

• Parts Work Therapy (also known as Internal Family Systems or IFS and Ego States Therapy)

Why is It Important to Seek Help in Trauma Therapy?

Whether you're experiencing unresolved trauma or PTSD, symptoms often get worse over time so seeking help in trauma therapy sooner rather than later is recommended.

Understanding the Importance of Trauma Therapy

Both trauma and PTSD symptoms can carry over intergenerationally, which means that your unresolved trauma can have a significant impact on your children and future generations (see my articles: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you have been struggling with unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

After you have worked through your trauma, you can free yourself from your traumatic history so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Complex Trauma?

Psychological trauma can be a single event, like shock trauma, which includes being the victim of a robbery, a car accident, an assault or living through a devastating hurricane where your house is destroyed, among other things. 

What is Complex Trauma?

Complex trauma involves many related traumatic events experienced by children, including abuse and profound neglect, that occur over an extended period of time and the difficulties that arise as a result of adapting to and surviving these events.

According to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), 1 in 7 children experience abuse or neglect.

What Are the Symptoms of Complex Trauma For Adults?

The symptoms of complex trauma can include any of the following:

• Feeling anxious
• Feeling depressed
• Experiencing flashbacks
• Experiencing nightmares
• Avoiding circumstances that remind you of the traumatic events (emotional avoidance)
• Having difficulty managing emotions
• Perceiving yourself in a distorted way
• Feeling worthless
• Avoiding or having difficulty with personal relationships
• Feeling disconnected from yourself or others (a form of dissociation)
• Having problems remembering parts of your childhood 
• Having difficulty providing a comprehensive narrative of your childhood memories, which can include fragmented memories.
• Experiencing sleep problems
• Experiencing sexual problems
• Experiencing medical problems, like Type 2 diabetes
• Feeling body aches, including migraines, stomach and digestive problems, arthritis
• Experiencing low energy or fatigue
• Misusing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food
• Engaging in other compulsive or impulsive behavior, including compulsive gambling, sexual compulsivity, and other behaviors

Examples of Complex Trauma

Complex trauma usually begins in childhood.  These events are recurrent, overwhelming and longstanding, and they are usually perpetrated by other adults, like family members, family friends, neighbors, clergy, and so on.  These incidents often occur over a span of weeks, months or years.

Examples of complex trauma include:

• Physical abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Sexual abuse (see my article: Overcoming the Trauma of Sexual Abuse)

• Profound child emotional neglect (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?)

• Abandonment

• Parentification (role reversal where child takes on the parental role)

• Medical abuse or trauma

• Torture or being held captive

• Living in a war zone or in an area with civil unrest

And so on.

Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy For Complex Trauma

The following mind-body oriented therapies are often effective to overcome complex trauma:

• EMDR Therapy which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (see my article: How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain)

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy (see my article: Trauma Therapy: The Therapeutic Benefits of Somatic Experiencing)

• AEDP, which stands for Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (see my articles: What is AEDP?  Part 1 and Part 2).

• Hypnotherapy, which is also known as Clinical Hypnosis (see my article: What is Clinical Hypnosis?)

• Parts Work Therapy: Ego States Therapy of Internal Family System (see my article: How Parts Work Can Be Empowering)

Getting Help in Therapy

If you are experiencing complex trauma symptoms, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Once you have worked through your unresolved trauma, you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a trauma therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

People who have social anxiety  find it very challenging to be in social situations. I have worked with many clients in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City to help them overcome social anxiety.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Here are some examples of situations that can be challenging for people with social anxiety:

• meeting new people 
• being the center of attention
• making small talk
• going out on a date
• eating or drinking in public
• attending a party
• speaking in public
• performing on stage
• taking an exam
• being teased or criticized
• making phone calls
• talking at a meeting
• being called on in class

People who have social anxiety are often excessively self conscious about themselves in social situations.  They often try to avoid social situations because they fear they will embarass or humiliate themselves.  They often become excessively worried weeks or even months before an upcoming social event.  They fear they will be judged by others and that others will notice that they're nervous in social situations.

Overcoming Social Anxiety
When I work with a client who has social anxiety, I tailor each treatment to the needs of the particular client.

So, one way that I might work is that the client and I would develop a hierarchical list of the client's fears.  

So, for example, if the client has an upcoming office party, he or she might include at the top of the list (as the most feared) that he or she will have to talk to the head of the company and won't know what to say.  At the bottom of the list, might be thinking about the office party before actually going.

Using the client's list of fears, I might use EMDR or clinical hypnosis to help the client overcome these fears starting with the least feared item on the list and working our way up the list.  Each time he or she is able to overcome one of the fears in session, we would go to the next one on the list until we worked on the item that he or she most feared.

I also like to give clients tasks to perform between therapy sessions. So, the client and I would collaborate on tasks that he or she would perform between sessions.  This is a useful way to work on other areas in everyday life that the client might fear.

Tips for Coping With Social Anxiety

• Rather than focusing on yourself and your fear of being embarrassed or humiliated in a social situation, pay attention to the others around you.

• Listen intently to what they have to say.

• Remember to breathe (shallow breathing can increase anxiety).

• Develop short-term strategies to help you cope when you feel overwhelmed by social anxiety (e.g., stepping outside for a few minutes to calm yourself before going back into the social event).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you suffer with social anxiety, you know how challenging it can be for you to be in social situations.  You also know that isolating doesn't work.  

If you would like to overcome social anxiety, seek help from licensed psychotherapist who has successfully helped clients to overcome social anxiety.

There are no quick fixes for social anxiety, but working with an experienced therapist to become free of social anxiety can be one of the best gifts you give yourself.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing therapist and Sex Therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website;  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Moving Beyond Blaming Your Parents in Therapy

Many people think that contemporary psychotherapy is all about blaming your mother or blaming both of your parents for your unresolved problems, but this is an outdated view of therapy that is part of the many myths about modern psychotherapy (see my articles debunking common myths about contemporary psychotherapy, including the myths that Going to Therapy Means You're Weak, Psychotherapy is "All Talk and No Action," and Psychotherapy Always Takes a Long Time).

Moving Beyond Blaming Your Parents in Therapy

While it's true that historically traditional psychoanalysis from a generation ago focused blame on parents, especially mothers, most contemporary psychotherapists have moved beyond that.

Most contemporary psychotherapists know that while it's important to understand how problems might have developed early on, they also know that if that's all therapy has to offer, clients will remain stuck in an angry, frustrated place and change will be difficult at best.

Developmentally, our perspective about our parents usually changes over time (see my article: How Your Perspective About Your Parents Changes Over Time).

While many young children see their parents as being wise and powerful, as these children get older they begin to see their parents in a more realistic way.  They recognize that their parents have their own problems, which might be intergenerational (see my article: Psychotherapy and Intergenerational Trauma).  

This isn't to say that some parents weren't emotionally and physically abusive to their children which created trauma. But, after recognizing the origin of their problems, which might also include genetics, temperament, and other important relationships, clients need to be assisted in therapy to move beyond blaming their parents so they can make progress in therapy.

How to Move Beyond Blaming Your Parents For Your Problems

Everyone's situation is different, and I don't know your particular situation or your personal history.  

While you might have good reason for being angry with your parents for things they did (or didn't do), at the same time, this can't be the where your development in therapy stops if you want to overcome your problems because, as previously mentioned, you'll get stuck blaming your parents and not taking steps to overcome your problems.

After you process your anger in therapy towards your parents (or someone else), you need to move beyond that stage to actually process your problems because your parents can't do it for you.

Processing the trauma is how you will heal. Depending upon your individual problems and what therapy might work best for. you, therapy could include the following forms of experiential therapy:

• Parts Work: This form of therapy, which has many different names, including Ego States work, Internal Family Systems (IFS), as well other names. It was developed by many different therapists over time, including Dr. Richard Schwartz.  It involves recognizing that we're all made up of a multiplicity of selves, which includes a child part as well as an adult part, and many other parts. So, to give just one example of how this type of therapy can be used, if you grew up in a home where you were emotionally neglected, a Parts Work therapist can help you to develop a more nurturing adult part so that you can nurture the child part of you that holds the trauma. With this type of therapy, there's a recognition that you mihjt not have gotten what you needed emotionally when you were a child, but you can always give it to yourself if you learn how to do it (see my article: Understanding the Many Aspects of Yourself).

• EMDR Therapy: EMDR therapy, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, was developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro.  It helps you to reprocess unresolved trauma, including unresolved childhood trauma, also known as developmental trauma, through a process called memory reconsolidation (see my article: Experiential Therapy, like EMDR, Helps You to Achieve Breakthroughs to Overcome Trauma).

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (also known as AEDP): AEDP, which was developed by Dr. Diana Fosha, to help clients overcome trauma. It's based on many different disciplines, including:

• attachment theory
• affective neuroscience
• trauma research
• developmental research 
• mind-body/somatic therapy
• emotion theory
• phenomonology 
• transformational studies

• Somatic Experiencing (also known as SE): SE, which was developed by Dr. Peter Levine, takes into account that trauma is stored in the body.  This often leads to emotional numbing also known as dissociation. SE can help clients to release the trauma and help them to feel more integrated emotionally and physically.

• Clinical Hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy): Clinical hypnosis helps clients to achieve a relaxed state where they can have access to deeper, unconscious material and that can help clients to become more open to change.

• Integrative Psychotherapy: Many experiential therapists work in a way that integrates the different types of therapies mentioned above, which is often beneficial for clients (see my articles: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy and Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

It's not unusual for experiential therapists to use the different modalities mentioned above during different stages of therapy, depending upon what the client needs.  

For instance, in my prior article, where I discussed that clients aren't defined by their psychological trauma, I gave an example in the clinical scenario where the therapist started with Parts Work and then used EMDR therapy.

Conclusion

Unlike outmoded forms of psychotherapy from a century ago, contemporary psychotherapy recognizes that if clients don't move beyond the stage of blaming their parents, they will remain stuck with their problems.  

Experiential therapy, including EMDR, Parts Work AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis provide clients with an opportunity to work through unresolved problems so they can move on with their life (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Rather than remaining stuck in a blame trap, contact an experiential psychotherapist who can help you to overcome the obstacles that are blocking your growth.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Parts Work and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

As an experiential therapist, helping clients to overcome trauma is my specialty.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.    

Breaking an Unhealthy Habit With Pattern Interruption

Breaking an unhealthy habit can be challenging, especially a longstanding habit.  As I discussed in an earlier article about smoking cessation, one way to break a bad habit is using a pattern interrupt, which is the topic of this article.

Breaking an Unhealthy Habit With Pattern Interruption

Healthy habits and routines are a valuable part of life because they get reinforced automatically after a while.  For instance, relaxing, reading a book or listening to calming music might be part of the pattern that reinforces healthy sleep hygiene.  

In the same way that healthy habits get reinforced through certain patterns, unhealthy habits get reinforced in the same way.  So, although there is no one way to break bad habits that works for everyone, one method that works for many people is to interrupt the pattern.

Steps to Breaking an Unhealthy Habit

The following method is one that I use when I work with clients who want to stop smoking. Although I use it with clinical hypnosis, it can be used without hypnosis for almost any unhealthy habit that you want to change:

• Set Up a Chart For Yourself: Get clear on what you want to change.  Focus on one unhealthy habit rather than trying to change two or more at the same time.  At the top of a chart write down what you want to change (e.g., smoking habit, nail biting, stress eating, etc). It doesn't have to be a fancy chart. It can be something simple, which has the following columns:
• Date and Time
• Trigger and Emotion
• Reward
• Small Change You Can Make

• Get Curious: Rather than being critical, get curious about your habit. If you find yourself getting judgmental, ask yourself if you would be as judgmental towards your best friend who was making an effort to change (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic).
• 
  
• Fill Out the Chart With the Date, Trigger (or Cue) and Emotion: For instance, if you want to stop biting your nails, write down the date and time you bit your nails, the trigger that came just before you bit your nails (e.g., you had a confrontation with a coworker, you argued with your spouse, etc), and the emotion(s) you experienced with that trigger (anxiety, anger, sadness, etc).

• Identify the Reward: This can be challenging because rewards don't always look like rewards, so you might be unaware of them. But there is almost always a payoff for engaging in the bad habit. For instance, if you bite your nails whenever you get anxious, you might momentarily dissociate (zone out) from whatever is making you anxious, so biting your nails provides temporary relief.  Also, if you bite your nails very low, you might experience an endorphin release.  

• Identify a Small Change You Can Make: Rather than trying to stop engaging in the bad habit altogether, identify one small change you can make.  This can help you by not setting you up for failure by trying to make too big a change at once or eliminating the habit altogether. For smokers, a small change might be changing a brand or, if you smoke just before breakfast, change that habit so that you smoke after breakfast.  

• Identify Your Successes: Recognize that breaking an unhealthy habit can take time and effort, so don't focus on trying to do it "perfectly."  For example, if you're trying to stop biting your nails and you're able to do it for two days (when you've never been able to stop it before), identify this as a success and renew your efforts (see my article:  Achieving Your Goals: Learn to Celebrate Small Wins Along the Way).

Getting Help in Therapy

There are often unconscious reasons why people develop unhealthy habits, and these underlying reasons are difficult to identify on your own.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to identify the unconscious reasons that make it difficult to change and provide you with tools to succeed.

By seek help from a licensed mental health professional, you can make positive changes so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

What is the Felt Sense in Experiential Therapy?

There is a concept known as the "felt sense" that is central to all modalities of experiential therapy, including EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Somatic Experiencing, AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy) and EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples).  

What is the Felt Sense in Experiential Therapy?

What is the Felt Sense?

Eugene Gendlin developed the concept of the felt sense in the 1960s and he included it as a central part of his experiential therapy known as Focusing.  Since the 1960s, the felt sense has become an essential part of all cutting edge experiential therapies.  

Experiential therapists help clients to develop a felt sense by teaching them to tune into their embodied experiences of emotions and memories.  

By tuning into these embodied experiences, clients increase their awareness of the connection between their physical and emotional experiences, which is the integration of the mind-body connection (see my article: Experiential Therapy and the Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

How Do You Detect the Felt Sense?

Developing an awareness of the felt sense takes practice.  It starts with turning your attention inward to notice what you're aware of in your body.  

For instance, when you close your eyes and focus on your body, you might notice you feel a tightness in your throat, and your therapist would ask you to stay with that sensation in your throat if it felt tolerable to you.  As you continue tuning into your throat, you might sense not only that the muscles in your throat feel tight but you also feel an emotion connected to that physical sensation--sadness.  

As you continue focusing on that bodily sensation and emotion in your throat, you might also become aware that this is a very familiar experience to you--you have felt it many times before when you tried not to cry.  

Then, as you continue focusing, a memory might come of your father telling you, "Don't cry. Big boys don't cry" and how you choked back your emotion in shame when you heard your father say this (see my article: Overcoming Shame in Experiential Therapy).

As you continuing focusing on your physical and emotional experiences in your throat and you tell your therapist what you're experiencing, you might feel a loosening of the muscles in your throat as you release the emotions that have been pent up for a long time.

This example is just one of many that clients in experiential therapy have experienced.  Other examples could include noticing a heaviness in your chest that's related to pent up sadness or a tightness in your jaw that's related to unreleased anger and so on.

A skilled experiential therapist can help you to modulate your experiences in session so that they remain manageable for you and you're not overwhelmed (see my article: Expanding Your Window of Tolerance).

How is Working With the Felt Sense in Experiential Therapy Different From Talk Therapy?

Talk therapy usually focuses on helping clients to develop intellectual insight into their problems.  While this is important, it often doesn't change clients' problems (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy?).

As shown in the example above, the felt sense in experiential therapy isn't just about intellectual insight.  It's an embodied experience that integrates both the mind and the body, and as such, it brings greater awareness on both levels and offers a window into the unconscious mind.

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, experiential therapy includes many different mind-body oriented psychotherapy modalities.

Clients who work with experiential therapists usually discover that using the mind-body connection to work on their problems is a more integrative approach that brings about transformative experiences in less time than regular talk therapy.

If you have been struggling on your own, you're not alone.  An experiential psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that are getting in the way of making positive changes in your life.  

Rather than continuing to struggle on your own, seek help from an experiential therapist so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article:  The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome traumatic experiences (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about it me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.