Understanding Reactive Parts of Your Personality From an IFS Parts Work Therapy Perspective

In my previous article, I focused on proactive parts (also known as "Managers") from an Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work therapy perspective.

According to IFS therapy, we all have many different internal parts, which are also known as sub-personalities. This is a normal for everyone's personality.

The problem occurs when these subpersonalities (or parts) take on burdened roles due to trauma in order not to feel the emotional pain.

Understanding Reactive Parts of Your Personality in IFS

These burdened internal parts include:

• Proactive Protectors Parts (also known as "Managers")
• Reactive Protectors Parts (also known as "Firefighters")
• Emotionally Wounded Parts (also known as "Exiles")

Everyone also has a Core Self which is not a part. 

The Core Self is the essence of who you are (see my article: Understanding Your Core Self in IFS Therapy).

In this article, I'm focusing on reactive parts (also known as "Firefighters") in IFS therapy.

I'll be using the terms "reactive protector parts" and "Firefighters" interchangeably because they refer to the same parts.

Core Characteristics of Reactive ("Firefighter") Protector Parts

While proactive protector parts ("Managers") work to keep life orderly and prevent emotional distress from surfacing, Firefighters,which are reactive parts, act like the "emergency response team" of your system. 

Understanding Reactive "Firefighter" Parts in IFS

For instance, if a Manager (proactive part) fails and a wave of shame, trauma or terror breaks through into your consciousness, the Firefighter reacts immediately to "douse" the emotional flames by any means necessary.

The key characteristics of Firefighter parts include:

• Extreme Urgency: They operate with a desperate need to shift, fix or run away from a feeling immediately.

• Disregard For Consequences: Firefighters care only about immediate relief and survival and they completely ignore the long-term consequences of their actions.

• High Intensity: Their behaviors are often highly reflexive, powerful and overwhelming.

What Are Common Examples of Reactive ("Firefighter") Protectors?

Firefighter parts' sole objective is to stifle unbearable emotional pain, so they often employ drastic, impulsive and numbing behaviors. These can include:

• Numbing and Distraction: Compulsive screen scrolling, binge-watching, overeating and oversleeping (see my article: What Happens When You Numb Yourself From Feeling Emotional Pain?).

• Substance and Chemical Use: Binge drinking or abusing drugs to quickly alter or black out emotional states.

• Dissociation and Shutdown: Completely detaching from the body or experiencing a "freeze" response to escape from an overwhelming reality (see my article: What is Trauma-Related Dissociation?).

• Defensive Aggression: Sudden outbursts of rage or verbal attacks are meant to push others away before they can cause deeper hurt.

• High Risk Behaviors: Self-harm, reckless spending or impulsive decision-making are meant to replace emotional pain with physical sensation or high adrenaline.

How Can You Detect Your Reactive Internal Protector Parts ("Firefighters")?

Detecting your reactive parts requires tuning into sudden shifts in your impulses, behavior and physical sensations immediately after you feel emotionally vulnerable, rejected or overwhelmed. 

Since Firefighters react to "emergencies", you can catch them by tracking the exact moments you lose your typical sense of calm and control.

You can identify and map your Firefighter parts by watching for these four specific indicators:

1. The Trigger to Impulse

Firefighter parts, true to their reactive nature, are incredibly fast. You can detect them by paying attention to a sudden impulsive urge that arises immediately after an uncomfortable interaction, thought or emotion:

• The Pattern: As an example: You receive a critical text from your boss (the trigger). Within seconds, before you even consciously register that you feel hurt, angry or anxious, you have already opened up a food delivery app or a mobile game to numb your feelings by overeating.

• The Detection Clue: In the example above, look for behaviors that are automatic, as if you are on autopilot, where it feels like you "woke up" and realized what you were doing halfway through doing them (e.g., halfway through a binge).

2. Radical Shifts in Your Body

When a Firefighter takes over your system, your physical baseline changes instantly:

• The "Numb" or "Blank" State": A sudden drop in physical sensation, a feeling of floating away or your eyes glazing over indicates a dissociative or avoidant Firefighter putting out the emotional "fire" by disconnecting you from yourself.

Understanding Reactive Parts: The Numb or Blank Stare

• The "Tunnel Vision" Surge: A sudden spike in heat, jaw clenching or an overwhelming rush of adrenaline that demands immediate and sudden aggressive action indicates an angry or defensive Firefighter kicking in to push other people away.

3. Listening to the Post-Act "Internal Backlash"

Firefighters almost always carry negative consequences, so they are usually followed by an intense backlash from your Manager parts. 

For example, to find a Firefighter, you can trace backwards from an internal critic, which is a Manager part, to discover the Firefighter:

• The Detection Clue: If you snap out of a dissociated (trance-like) state and your  internal voice says, "Why did you do that again? You have no willpower. You ruined everything", look closely at the behavior the inner voice is criticizing. The part that committed the act, whether it was drinking, drugging, overeating or overspending, is the Firefighter and the part that is criticizing you is the Manager part.

4. Recognizing Common Firefighter Parts

Firefighters usually use specific types of strategies to change your emotional state. 

Reflect on whether you have reactive parts that fit one or more of these descriptions:

• The Soother/Numbing Part: Reaching for alcohol, weed or sugar to chemically dull your anxiety. The motto of this part is "This will just take the edge off."

• The Escapist/Distractor Part: Losing a lot of time to mindless scrolling, gaming or binge-watching. The motto of this part is "Let's just change the channel."

The Reactive Protector: The Escapist/Distractor

• The Impulsive Rebel Part: Abruptly quitting a job, spending money recklessly or picking an argument. The motto for this part is "Burn it down! Who cares!"

• The Sleep/Shutdown Part: Suddenly becoming completely exhausted and oversleeping (12-14 or more hours) when stressed. The motto of this part is "Go to sleep and pull the plug."

Questions For Self Reflection

To map your own system, ask yourself these questions:

• "What do I do when a feeling gets so big it feels like it will swallow me up?"

• "What are the behaviors in my life that I try hardest to hide from other people out of shame?"

• "When I feel completely overwhelmed, what is the very first urge that hits me?"

Conclusion

We all have subpersonalities or, as they are called in IFS, parts. This is normal.

For people who have experienced trauma, especially developmental trauma in childhood, these parts take on burdened roles in order to protect the emotionally wounded parts of these individuals.

One of the main objectives of IFS therapy is to help traumatized individuals who have burdened parts to release these burdens so they are free from their history of trauma.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

Although protector parts, both Managers and Firefighters, might feel like a natural part of your personality, over time they create problems for your physical, emotional and psychological well-being as well as your relationships.

Getting Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

If you have tried unsuccessfully to work on your problems on your own or traditional talk therapy hasn't worked for you, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an IFS therapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over time.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

IFS Parts Work Therapy is a Gentle Evidence-Based Trauma Therapy 

How Can IFS Parts Work Therapy Be Empowering? 

What is the Connection Between IFS Therapy and Neural Networks? 

Discovering Your Core Self in IFS Therapy 

Coping With Relationship Stress

My article focuses on how stress affects sexual desire in relationships (see my article: To Improve Intimacy in Your Relationship, Get Off the Sexual Staircase).

Coping With Relationship Stress

For most people stress is a libido killer: Work stress, raising children and the daily grind of life can leave people feeling depleted and unmotivated to have sex.

When you feel stressed or anxiety and hyper-focused on having an orgasm and ensuring that your partner has an orgasm, your nervous system shifts into a fight-or-flight mode. This is the opposite of what most people need to enjoy sex.

The Impact of Stress on Pleasure:

Stress can affect pleasure on a physical and mental level:

The Physical Impact

• Stress Blocks Blood Flow: Stress releases cortisol and adrenaline, which constrict the blood vessels and direct the flow of blood to the genitals. 

• Stress Prevents Relaxation: When the nervous system is under stress and you can't relax, sexual arousal can be difficult.

• Stress Reduces Sensitivity: Anxiety can numb physical sensations. This can make touch less intense or even distracting.

The Mental Impact

• Stress Can Create a Goal-Oriented Mindset: Treating sex like a task to complete creates sexual anxiety (see my article: What is Performative Sex?).

Coping With Relationship Stress

• Stress Can Create "Spectatoring": You become a detached observer and judge your own performance instead of being an embodied participant (see my article: Understanding Your Sexual Accelerator and Brakes).

How to Overcome Stress-Related Sexual Problems

To overcome stress-related sexual problems, you can try the following:

• Practice Sensate Focus: Sensate Focus is a common exercise given to couples in sex therapy. It is a structured touching exercise where you and your partner take turns giving and receiving non-sexual touch. There is no sexual activity--even if one or both partners get sexually aroused.  Sensate Focus helps to eliminate performance pressure and goal-oriented sex (see my article: What is Sensate Focus?).

Coping With Relationship Stress

• Redefine Intimacy: Dedicate time to non-sexual physical closeness. This can include things like taking a bath together and giving a back massage where there is no pressure or expectation of sexual intercourse.

• Redirect Your Thoughts: When you feel your mind racing when you and your partner are being sexually intimate, shift your focus in a mindful way to other sensations--like the texture of skin, sound of music or slow, deep breathing.

Coping With Relationship Stress

• Talk to Your Partner: Instead of trying to suppress your stress and anxiety, which can make it worse, talk openly with your partner outside the bedroom (see my article: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex - Part 1 and Part 2).

• Share What You Each Like: Talk to your partner about what feels comfortable and pleasurable to remove guesswork and doubt.

Coping With Relationship Stress

• Be Aware of Fluctuations in Sexual Desire: Acknowledge to each other that it's normal to have fluctuations in sexual desire to eliminate any performative aspects of sex. If you don't want to have sex on a particular occasion, instead of just rejecting your partner outright, suggest another time during the week to have sex (see my article: Coping With Occasional Sexual Rejection).

• Make Lifestyle Changes: Lifestyle changes like engaging in some form of physical exercise at a level that is right for you (e.g., walking, working out at the gym or taking a yoga class) can lower stress and increase blood flow. You can also engage in mindfulness to train your brain to stay in the present moment. Also, limiting caffeine, reducing alcohol and eliminating nicotine can improve your nervous system and vascular health (see my article: Can Yoga Improve Your Mood?).

Get Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy for individual adults and couples (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?)

Get Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapists are licensed mental health professionals who have advanced training and a  certification in sex therapy.

There is no nudity or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptons About Sex Therapy?).

Individuals and couples attend sex therapy for many reasons (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?

If you and your partner have been unable to resolve your sexual problems, you could benefit from working with a sex therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York mental health professional who is a Certified Sex Therapist.

In addition to being a sex therapist, I am also a trauma therapist who has advanced training in psychodynamic psychotherapy, EMDR, AEDP, IFS, Somatic Experiencing and hypnotherapy.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Sharing the Mental Load

Understanding Your Sex Script 

What is Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships? 

Responsive Sexual Desire and Spontaneous Sexual Desire Are Both Normal

What is the Difference Between Emotional and Sexual Intimacy? 

How to Develop Emotional Depth in Your Relationship

Overcoming Sexual Shame and Guilt

What is Your Sexual Initiation Style? 

Creating Sexual Desire With the Sexual Simmer Technique

What Causes Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB)? 

How is Therapy With a Psychotherapist Different From Using Artificial Intelligence?

In the last several years some people have been relying on Artificial Intelligence (AI) for their mental health issues instead of seeing a licensed mental health professional.  

Psychotherapy With a Live Therapist vs Using A.I.

Although AI can be useful in terms of understanding certain mental health issues, it's not a substitute for working with a psychotherapist. 

How is Therapy With a Psychotherapist Different From Using AI?

Psychotherapy and AI are fundamentally different:

The primary distinctions between AI and psychotherapy include:

The Therapeutic Relationship: 

• Psychotherapy: The therapeutic relationship between a client and therapist is central to psychotherapy. Healing occurs through a felt, trusted human relationship. In addition to what is said, therapists are attuned to non-verbal cues like voice tone, micro-expressions, posture and silences. Many psychotherapists who are trained to work in a psychodynamic way also tune into the client's conscious and unconscious gestures.  When psychotherapists and clients work together, whether it is online or in person, there is a right-brain-to-right brain attunement between therapist and client which enhances the client's healing.

Psychotherapy With a Live Therapist vs Using A.I.

• AI: AI operates on textual inputs. It cannot form a relational bond or therapeutic alliance with a client. Although it can mimic validation, it generates language statistically rather than experiencing an emotional connection with the client. 

Therapeutic Empathy:

• Psychotherapy: Therapeutic empathy is an essential part of healing in psychotherapy. Therapists are trained to develop empathy for clients and help clients to develop empathy and self compassion  (see my article: Why Is Empathy Important in Psychotherapy?).

Psychotherapy With a Live Therapist vs Using A.I.

• AI: An AI chatbot can adjust its responses based on sentiment analysis and learning algorithms, but lack the emotional bandwidth which is found with human psychotherapists. It can mimic empathy, but it cannot feel it. It could possibly guide, but it can't witness. 

Clinical Judgment vs Pattern Recognition

• Psychotherapy: Psychotherapists spend years training to diagnose conditions, assess complex safety risks and change treatment based on clients' responses.

Psychotherapy With a Licensed Therapist vs Using A.I.

• AI: AI evaluates texts based on probability and patterns from their training data. It struggles with deeply complex content and cannot make nuanced clinical choices.

Crisis Management and Safety

• Psychotherapy: Psychotherapists are legally bound to intervene during a crisis. Therapists actively build therapeutic plans for conditions such panic attacks or psychological trauma.

Psychotherapy With a Licensed Therapist vs A.I.

• AI: Chatbots cannot manage a crisis and often default to crisis-line referrals. If they fail to read the situation appropriately, they can provide inappropriate and stigmatizing advice.

Accountability and Ethics

• Psychotherapy: Mental health practitioners operate under strict state boards, ethical codes and HIPAA privacy laws.

Psychotherapy With a Licensed Therapist vs Using A.I.

• AI.: Chatbot platforms are corporate products not medical entities. Data privacy rules can vary widely which raises the risk regarding how sensitive personal information is stored and shared.

Intended Outcomes

• Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy is designed to foster psychological breakthroughs, process deep-seated trauma and build long term, structural psychological changes.

Psychotherapy With a Licensed Therapist vs Using A.I.

• AI: AI cannot foster psychological breakthroughs. It is best suited as an adjunct to therapy for accessing certain behavioral tools like reflection prompts, mood tracking or breathing exercises between psychotherapy sessions. 

Conclusion

The future of mental health will not be a choice between working with a human psychotherapist versus texting a chatbot.

In moments of crisis where psychotherapy is unavailable, like in a war-torn country, AI can provide information, but it has limitations.  

In terms of psychological healing, the human-to-human contact that available in psychotherapy is essential and irreplaceable for psychological healing.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Why is Empathy Important For Healing in Psychotherapy?

The Psychotherapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience 

The Creation of the Holding Environment in Psychotherapy 

Psychotherapy as a Co-created Process Between Client and Therapist 

 

Looking at Depression From an IFS Parts Work Therapy Perspective

As I have discussed in prior articles, IFS (Internal Family Systems) Parts Work Therapy is a form of Experiential Therapy (see links at the end of this article for more articles about IFS).

Looking at Depression From an IFS Perspective

From an IFS perspective, depression is viewed as a "part" or a collection of "parts" rather than a permanent identity or a sign of a problem in the brain.

Depression From an IFS Therapy Perspective

In IFS, the mind is naturally subdivided into parts (or subpersonalities). 

As I discussed in my prior article, What is the Connection Between IFS Parts Work Therapy and Neural Networks?, the word "parts" is a metaphor for these naturally occurring subdivisions that everyone has. This makes the language of IFS understandable and accessible to clients.

In IFS, depression is typically viewed as either a proactive part, a reactive part or a wounded part depending upon the function of the part:

• Depression as a Proactive Part ("The Shield"): Depression can act as a protective proactive part where the objective is for the part to act as a preemptive "shutdown" mechanism.  The goal is to keep you safe from taking risks that could lead to failure, rejection or overwhelming disappointment. In IFS language, this part is called a "Manager" due to its proactive role.

Depression From an IFS Therapy Perspective

• Depression as a Reactive Part ("The Circuit Breaker): When emotional pain from the outside world is sudden or overwhelming, this reactive part can step in as a way to numb you emotionally. The goal is to instantly extinguish anxiety, shame or grief. This part is called a "Firefighter" due to its sudden reactive function.

• Depression as a Wounded Part ("The Wound"): This is often a young wounded part of you that is stuck in unresolved trauma. This part isn't trying to protect you. Instead, it carries the burden of the early emotional wounds ("I'm unlovable" or "I'm no good" or "I'm powerless"). This part is called an "Exile". The Exile is frozen in the past at whatever age the trauma occurred. The feelings it carries are raw and unprocessed. When someone is triggered, it is the Exile that experiences the trigger. However, the Exile, as the name implies, usually remains below the surface (unless triggered) and what is usually more apparent is either a the proactive Manager or reactive Firefighter.

How is IFS Therapy Different From Traditional Therapy For Depression?

Traditional therapy usually treats depression as a single entity. This can leave clients feeling consumed by it. 

Depression From an IFS Therapy Perspective

IFS therapy teaches clients how to "unblend" from the part of them that is depressed so instead of a client saying "I'm depressed", an IFS client would say, "A part of me is depressed."

This shift allows an IFS client to access their Core Self with the guidance from the IFS therapist so they can approach their depression from a curious and compassionate stance rather than be consumed by it.  

How Does the IFS Therapist Verify the Role of the Depressed Part?

An IFS therapist tracks the depressed part by facilitating communication between the client's Core Self and the depressed part. This is a skill the therapist helps the client to develop.

The depressed part might respond that they are protecting the client from failing, which would indicate a proactive protector part (a Manager).  Alternatively, they might say they are tryng to numb the client, which would indicate a reactive part (a Firefighter).  The other possibility is that the part is a young wounded part that is feeling alone and stuck in unresolved early trauma (an Exile).

How is Depression Healed in IFS?

An IFS therapist will lead the client through a process of helping them to lift the depression which would include recognizing depression as a part, helping the client to access their Core Self and from the Core Self's perspective the client observes the depressed part, befriends the part, and encourages the part to release their psychological burden.

Depression From an IFS Therapy Perspective

This allows the parts to take on a new and healthier role .

Although this might sound simple, it's often not so simple for a variety of possible reasons. Most of the time the proactive and reactive pars will step aside when asked, so that the client and therapist can work with the wounded part that holds the trauma. 

But there are times when these parts haven't developed trust yet with the client and the therapist, so it can take longer for them to agree to step aside.  

In the long run, IFS, which is a gentle, evidence-based trauma therapy, tends to be more effective at helping clients with depression. This is due to IFS's non-pathologizing stance and its step-by-step process of working with depression and unresolved trauma.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

If you have been struggling on your own or you haven't had success in traditional talk therapy, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an IFS therapist.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

When you free yourself from the burden of depression and trauma, you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS and Ego States Parts Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about it, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles

IFS is a Gentle, Evidence-Based Therapy 

IFS Therapy Can Help With Anxiety 

How Are Emotions Processed in IFS Therapy? 

Healing Trauma With IFS Therapy

IFS Parts Work Therapy is a Gentle Evidence-Based Trauma Therapy

Some types of trauma therapy rely on exposure to traumatic events as their way of working with trauma, which can retraumatizing to certain clients.

IFS Therapy is a Gentle Evidenced-Based Trauma Therapy

IFS Parts Work Therapy, which is a gentle, effective, evidence-based* therapy, doesn't use exposure like many types of exposure therapies.

    *In 2015, SAMHSA (US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration) designated IFS as an evidence-based therapy.

Key Framework of Gentleness in IFS Parts Work Therapy

IFS, which stands for Internal Family Systems Therapy, is a parts work therapy that prioritizes pacing that works for the client, internal consent and a non-pathologizing framework:

• No Forced Reliving of the Trauma: IFS focuses on how trauma lives in the body and mind in the here-and-now.  This means that clients can use current emotions, thoughts and body sensations or images.  

• Permission Based Pacing: IFS is designed in such a way that therapists don't bypass defense mechanisms. Healing only progresses as "protector parts" (i.e., defense mechanisms) give permission and soften naturally.

IFS Therapy is a Gentle Evidence-Based Trauma Therapy

• Welcoming All Emotions: Anger, anxiety, shame and all emotions are met with curiosity and not judgment (see my article: Welcoming All Emotions).

• Reframing Symptoms as Protectors: IFS is non-pathologizing, as mentioned above, so that symptoms aren't viewed as "destructive" or "bad". In IFS therapy there are no bad parts. Symptoms are viewed as protectors who are doing their best to protect the client. This reframing helps to reduce shame.

• Preventing Emotional Flooding: IFS relies on a gentle process called "unblending" When a client experiences emotional pain, fear or shame, the therapist asks the part to step back so that the client can witness the pain without feeling overwhelmed by it.

• Building Self Trust: Healing happens through your own inner wisdom rather than through an external source.

• Self-Lead Healing: The source of healing doesn't come from the authority of the therapist. Instead, it comes from the client's own Core Self which is an undamaged core that is characterized by calmness, compassion, curiosity and clarity. So, you set the pace.

• Gentle Unburdening: Parts of the client which hold the trauma are allowed to safely release their historical pain, shame and fear in an environment of internal containment and at their own pace.

Get Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

If you have been struggling on your own with unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is a IFS therapist.

Get Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

Unburdening yourself of trauma can help you to lead a meaningful life free of your traumatic history.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples in over more than 25 years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Other Articles About IFS:

Giving Voice to Unconscious Parts of Yourself 

How Can IFS Parts Work Therapy Be Empowering? 

How Can IFS Parts Work Therapy Help With Anxiety?