Overcoming Social Anxiety

People who have social anxiety  find it very challenging to be in social situations. I have worked with many clients in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City to help them overcome social anxiety.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Here are some examples of situations that can be challenging for people with social anxiety:

• meeting new people 
• being the center of attention
• making small talk
• going out on a date
• eating or drinking in public
• attending a party
• speaking in public
• performing on stage
• taking an exam
• being teased or criticized
• making phone calls
• talking at a meeting
• being called on in class

People who have social anxiety are often excessively self conscious about themselves in social situations.  They often try to avoid social situations because they fear they will embarass or humiliate themselves.  They often become excessively worried weeks or even months before an upcoming social event.  They fear they will be judged by others and that others will notice that they're nervous in social situations.

Overcoming Social Anxiety
When I work with a client who has social anxiety, I tailor each treatment to the needs of the particular client.

So, one way that I might work is that the client and I would develop a hierarchical list of the client's fears.  

So, for example, if the client has an upcoming office party, he or she might include at the top of the list (as the most feared) that he or she will have to talk to the head of the company and won't know what to say.  At the bottom of the list, might be thinking about the office party before actually going.

Using the client's list of fears, I might use EMDR or clinical hypnosis to help the client overcome these fears starting with the least feared item on the list and working our way up the list.  Each time he or she is able to overcome one of the fears in session, we would go to the next one on the list until we worked on the item that he or she most feared.

I also like to give clients tasks to perform between therapy sessions. So, the client and I would collaborate on tasks that he or she would perform between sessions.  This is a useful way to work on other areas in everyday life that the client might fear.

Tips for Coping With Social Anxiety

• Rather than focusing on yourself and your fear of being embarrassed or humiliated in a social situation, pay attention to the others around you.

• Listen intently to what they have to say.

• Remember to breathe (shallow breathing can increase anxiety).

• Develop short-term strategies to help you cope when you feel overwhelmed by social anxiety (e.g., stepping outside for a few minutes to calm yourself before going back into the social event).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you suffer with social anxiety, you know how challenging it can be for you to be in social situations.  You also know that isolating doesn't work.  

If you would like to overcome social anxiety, seek help from licensed psychotherapist who has successfully helped clients to overcome social anxiety.

There are no quick fixes for social anxiety, but working with an experienced therapist to become free of social anxiety can be one of the best gifts you give yourself.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing therapist and Sex Therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website;  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Breaking an Unhealthy Habit With Pattern Interruption

Breaking an unhealthy habit can be challenging, especially a longstanding habit.  As I discussed in an earlier article about smoking cessation, one way to break a bad habit is using a pattern interrupt, which is the topic of this article.

Breaking an Unhealthy Habit With Pattern Interruption

Healthy habits and routines are a valuable part of life because they get reinforced automatically after a while.  For instance, relaxing, reading a book or listening to calming music might be part of the pattern that reinforces healthy sleep hygiene.  

In the same way that healthy habits get reinforced through certain patterns, unhealthy habits get reinforced in the same way.  So, although there is no one way to break bad habits that works for everyone, one method that works for many people is to interrupt the pattern.

Steps to Breaking an Unhealthy Habit

The following method is one that I use when I work with clients who want to stop smoking. Although I use it with clinical hypnosis, it can be used without hypnosis for almost any unhealthy habit that you want to change:

• Set Up a Chart For Yourself: Get clear on what you want to change.  Focus on one unhealthy habit rather than trying to change two or more at the same time.  At the top of a chart write down what you want to change (e.g., smoking habit, nail biting, stress eating, etc). It doesn't have to be a fancy chart. It can be something simple, which has the following columns:
• Date and Time
• Trigger and Emotion
• Reward
• Small Change You Can Make

• Get Curious: Rather than being critical, get curious about your habit. If you find yourself getting judgmental, ask yourself if you would be as judgmental towards your best friend who was making an effort to change (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic).
• 
  
• Fill Out the Chart With the Date, Trigger (or Cue) and Emotion: For instance, if you want to stop biting your nails, write down the date and time you bit your nails, the trigger that came just before you bit your nails (e.g., you had a confrontation with a coworker, you argued with your spouse, etc), and the emotion(s) you experienced with that trigger (anxiety, anger, sadness, etc).

• Identify the Reward: This can be challenging because rewards don't always look like rewards, so you might be unaware of them. But there is almost always a payoff for engaging in the bad habit. For instance, if you bite your nails whenever you get anxious, you might momentarily dissociate (zone out) from whatever is making you anxious, so biting your nails provides temporary relief.  Also, if you bite your nails very low, you might experience an endorphin release.  

• Identify a Small Change You Can Make: Rather than trying to stop engaging in the bad habit altogether, identify one small change you can make.  This can help you by not setting you up for failure by trying to make too big a change at once or eliminating the habit altogether. For smokers, a small change might be changing a brand or, if you smoke just before breakfast, change that habit so that you smoke after breakfast.  

• Identify Your Successes: Recognize that breaking an unhealthy habit can take time and effort, so don't focus on trying to do it "perfectly."  For example, if you're trying to stop biting your nails and you're able to do it for two days (when you've never been able to stop it before), identify this as a success and renew your efforts (see my article:  Achieving Your Goals: Learn to Celebrate Small Wins Along the Way).

Getting Help in Therapy

There are often unconscious reasons why people develop unhealthy habits, and these underlying reasons are difficult to identify on your own.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to identify the unconscious reasons that make it difficult to change and provide you with tools to succeed.

By seek help from a licensed mental health professional, you can make positive changes so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Understanding the Emotional Dynamics of Men Who Are "Players" - Part 2: A Clinical Vignette

In Part 1 of Understanding the Emotional Dynamics of Men Who Are "Players," I described the typical emotional dynamics and behavior of players (also known as pick-up artists), including the their manipulative and emotional abusive behavior towards women.

Understanding the Emotional Dynamics of Men Who Are "Players"

I described a behavioral dynamic that is on a continuum and, in some cases, can include sociopathic behavior where there is a lack of empathy for how their behavior affects the women they're attempting to seduce (see my article: What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to So Many Women? Brain Chemistry Might Have the Answer).

Also on that continuum are men who eventually find being a player to be unsatisfying, lonely and, despite the conquest of many women, unsatisfying because it feels empty and meaningless.

Often these same men find themselves in an emotional crisis because they can neither remain a player nor can they move forward to a more meaningful life because they don't know any other way to be.

The focus of the this article, including the clinical vignette, will be on this subset of men.

As previously mentioned in the prior article, players can be either men or women, gay, bisexual or heterosexual.  But, generally speaking, the term is usually associated with heterosexual men, which is what this article is about.

Clinical Vignette: The Emotional Crisis of a Man Who is a Player
The following fictional vignette illustrates a typical scenario for a man who learns to develop a persona as a player but who eventually discovers that he wants more than casual hook ups with women--he wants a relationship, but he doesn't know how to be genuinely himself or how to have a committed relationship.

John
When John was in his teens, he wanted more than anything to date women, but he lacked the necessary self confidence to approach them.  Since he was very good looking, many girls were drawn to him and they approached him, but even when he knew that these girls liked him, he felt awkward and shy.

His first sexual experience was with a teenage girl, Jane, from his class who invited him over to her house while her parents were out.  He was highly anxious before going to her house because he feared that this girl would laugh at him due to sexual inexperience.  But rather than laugh at him, Jane, who had prior sexual encounters, led him into the bedroom and patiently initiated him into his first sexual experience.

Afterwards, realizing how pleasurable sex could be, he wanted to have sex with other girls too.  But throughout high school and even in college, he continued to feel shy and lack self confidence, so the only time he had sex was when girls or young women came onto him.

After college, John was at a total loss about how to meet women.  It was much easier for him when he was surrounded by young women in college who took the lead in initiating sex.  But after he graduated from college, he was no longer around women all the time, and he didn't like using dating apps, so he wasn't sure what to do.

Sometimes, he and his friends would go to singles bars and his friends would meet women and take them home  but, more often than not, he remained standing alone against the wall.  Occasionally, an attractive assertive woman would approach him and take him home, but this wasn't usually the case.

One day, feeling disappointed and discouraged, John turned down his friends' invitation to go out to a singles bar.  Although his best friend, Bill usually laughed at John's awkwardness and lack of confidence, when he realized how miserable John was, he told John that any man could learn to pick up women in a bar--he just needed to learn a few simple techniques and strategies and practice them.

Then, Bill recommended that John attend a three-day pick-up artists' boot camp where part of the training would be to stand side by side with a "dating coach" and observe the "dating coach" pick up women at various venues in New York City, including singles bars.

Bill also explained that John would get classroom instruction and drills that he would practice when John would go out with an experienced "dating coach" to apply what he learned in class while the coach stood nearby to observe John and give him feedback later.

In response to Bill, John laughed, but Bill urged him on, "What do you have to lose, man?  By the end of the training, you'll feel confident meeting and picking up women anywhere.  That's how I learned.  This training is foolproof."

With some reluctance, John signed up for the Attractions Method training, and he was amazed that he was able to develop the persona of a player that allowed him to feel the confidence that he lacked with women.  Soon after that, whenever he went out, he psyched himself up and took on this persona.

The strategies that John learned led to his hooking up with hundreds of women over the next several years.  He became so good at being a pick-up artist that he always had a sexy, beautiful woman on his arm, and his friends expressed envy, "John, where do you meet these women!?!  One is more beautiful then the next!"

But whenever one of the women wanted a more serious relationship, John would panic.  He had mastered taking on the persona of a confident pick-up artist and the techniques for picking up women for casual sex, but he was too afraid of allowing any emotional intimacy to develop between him and any of these women.  So, whenever a woman expressed wanting more from him, he would stop seeing her and focus on the many other women he was seeing simultaneously.

At the same time, John discovered that some of the techniques he learned to pick up women also worked in his sales career.  He was able to charm his female boss into giving him the best sales territory in the company.  He was also able to charm customers into buying the company's services.

With all the money he was earning, he attracted even more beautiful women who admired his success, his new sports car, and the way he generously spent money on them.  They were fascinated by him and they wanted to be around him.  He also enjoyed the admiration of his friends and colleagues who not only admired him--they wanted to be him.

But over time, when John was in his mid-30s, he realized that he no longer derived as much pleasure from sleeping with one beautiful woman after the next.  He found most of these women to be narcissistic and shallow, and he felt bored.  Deep down, he also knew that he was just playing a role and, even though he was convincing in this role, this wasn't really how he felt.

His friends were all getting married, some of them were starting families, and he realized that he felt lonely, especially because the only relationships he had with women were shallow and very short term. He never had a substantial monogamous relationship.

Gradually, John realized that there was something missing in his life.  Other than being with beautiful women, having sex with as many of them as possible, and making a lot of money, his life lacked meaning and substance and this was increasingly worrisome to him.

There was one woman, Sara, that he was dating who wasn't narcissistic or shallow.  He really liked her and thought he might like to be in a relationship with her, but he was afraid to be himself.  He feared that, even if he knew what it meant to be himself, Sara wouldn't like him if she knew the real him (see my article: Overcoming the Fear That People Won't Like You If They Knew the "Real You").

He realized that he had spent so much time taking on the persona of a player that he wasn't even sure who he was anymore.  Although he would have liked to talk to one of his friends about it, he was afraid that he would lose their admiration for his success with having so many women.

When he attempted to talk to Bill, who was married for several years, Bill just brushed him off, "What do you mean you feel lonely?  You're always with a sexy, beautiful women.  I envy you.  Don't get me wrong--I love my wife, but do you have any idea how boring it is to wake up to the same woman every day?  Enjoy yourself and, whatever you do, don't get married.  It's totally overrated."

After John got a similar response from his other close friends, he felt increasingly depressed and isolated.  He began having problems sleeping and getting up in the morning.  It took a lot more effort for him to take on the confident persona and to charm his customers into buying the company's services.  He also began to isolate and stopped seeing many of the women he had been hooking up with.

Soon his sales performance went from being the highest in the company to being one of the lowest.  His boss called him into her office to find out if there was anything wrong, but John didn't feel comfortable confiding in her, so he made up some excuse and told her that he would do better.

Although he managed to fake his way through that meeting with his boss, he knew that all his pretending was sapping him of energy and he felt a big disconnect between how he felt inside and the persona he was trying to project on the outside.  He wasn't even sure why he was doing it anymore--except that he didn't know what else to do.

As he became increasingly depressed, John knew he needed to seek help from a licensed mental health professional.  Admitting this to himself was hard, but he knew it would be much harder if he descended deeper into depression.

During his first session with a female psychotherapist, John was tempted to take on the same persona he used to charm so many women.  It was hard for him to let down his guard to show the therapist just how bad he felt about himself.  At the same time, he knew that, if he was going to overcome his problems, he would need to be honest (see my article: The Importance of Being Honest With Your Therapist).

Gradually, over time, John opened up to his psychotherapist and told her about his history of being a shy, awkward young man and how he learned to be a player with women.  He explained that for a long time he felt like he was on a "high" when he slept with hundreds of beautiful, sexy women and all his friends envied him.

Then, he described the slow descent into his current emotional crisis, his feelings of being a fraud, his loneliness, his yearning to be himself (although he didn't know anymore what that meant), his guilt for the emotional pain he had caused the many women he manipulated, and his fear of developing a relationship with Sara.

Over time, John realized that the more he opened up to his therapist, the more genuine he felt.  Often, he would have realizations about himself in the therapy that he never had before.

As he became more comfortable with his psychotherapist, John allowed her to see more of the frightened, emotionally vulnerable side of himself.  To his surprise, he revealed his shame, which  was a big part of his lack of confidence of awkwardness (see my article: Healing Shame in Psychotherapy).

As he continued to talk in therapy, he also realized that he felt like he was basically an unlovable person who didn't really deserve to be happy with anyone.  It was only when he took on the persona of being a player that he felt confident, but he realized now that this wasn't genuine confidence--it was all a sham (see my article: Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

His therapist used a technique in clinical hypnosis called the affect bridge so that John could go back to the earliest time when he felt unlovable.  In a relaxed hypnotic state, where John had the dual awareness of being in the here-and-now in the therapist's office as well as being in his earliest memory of feeling unlovable, John recounted how he was constantly and severely criticized and belittled by both of his parents who told him that he would never amount to anything and he would fail at everything.

As he recalled these early memories, John felt a wave of tremendous grief and anger for the way his parents treated him.  He knew that his parents thought they were trying to make him "tough" to face a difficult world, but he also realized how misguided they were.

Having gotten to his earliest memory of feeling unlovable using the affect bridge, his therapist recommended that they use EMDR therapy  to help him overcome the traumatic effect of his early childhood history (see my articles: Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR Therapy, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

Gradually, John began to feel better about himself.  The work with EMDR therapy wasn't the quick fix he hoped that it would be, but he discovered that he was slowly overcoming the trauma that had been an obstacle for him for so many years.

As John felt more confident and more genuinely himself without relying on a persona, over time he developed a relationship with Sara and discovered that she actually liked him for who he was and not for the person he was pretending to be when they first met.

Overall, he was happier in his relationship with Sara and in his career once he was able to overcome his traumatic history and allow himself to be genuine.

Conclusion
Men, who are players, are on a continuum.  With the exception of the most narcissistic or sociopathic male players, many men who engage in this deceptive, manipulative behavior with women eventually find this lifestyle to be hollow and meaningless.

Over time, they long for deeper, more substantial relationships, but they're so caught up in acting the part of a player that they don't know anymore (if they ever did) who they really are.  Giving up the persona would also mean giving up a way that they have come to successfully rely on to have attractive women as well as giving up the admiration they receive from their male peers.  It would also involve showing a more vulnerable part of themselves which they are ashamed of.

This often precipitates an emotional crisis for them, which is difficult to overcome on their own or with the people in their lives.  So, when the pain of being in an emotional crisis becomes greater than their shame, they often seek help in psychotherapy.

In an experiential therapy where the therapist knows how to help clients to trace back the origins of these men's problems, there is an opportunity for them to work through the current issues as well as the underlying issues that caused them to feel inadequate in the first place (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

Getting Help in Therapy
If this article resonates with you, you could benefit from getting help from a skilled psychotherapist.

An emotional crisis is painful, but it can also be an opportunity to resolve emotional problems that you might not otherwise feel motivated to address.

Once you have freed yourself from the burden of these emotional issues, you can lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, which is an evidence based therapy which research has shown to be effective for relationship issues.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

What Are Phobias and How Do They Develop?

In my prior two articles, I discussed the difference between fear and anxiety and panic attacks (see my articles:  What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety? and Tips For Coping With Panic Attacks).  In this article, I'm focusing on phobias.

What Are Phobias and How Do They Develop?

What is a Phobia?
A phobia is an excessive, irrational and persistent fear of an object or a situation. Most of the time, people who have phobias know consciously that their fear is irrational, but since the fear is in their unconscious minds, it can make little or no difference in terms of the way they feel.

There are many different types of phobias: fear of closed in places, fear of heights, fear of dogs, fear of injections, fear of flying, social phobia, and so on.

How Do Phobias Develop?
Phobias usually develop by some triggering event, which might not be obvious at the time when it occurs.

Phobias are debilitating and, depending on what the phobia is, it often has an adverse effect on a person's personal and work life.

For example, if a person has a fear of flying, and travel is a big part of his job, he will experience a lot of anxiety and possibly panic attacks when he has to travel for business. The same would be true if he had to fly for a family vacation.

There is often a genetic component with phobias.

Conclusion

Overcoming a phobia can be challenging.  That is why it's important for you to get help from a licensed psychotherapist.

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome a Phobia
Clinical hypnosis is one of the best ways of treating phobias, because hypnotherapy works with the unconscious mind (see my article: What is Clinical Hypnosis?).

Once you're no longer struggling with a phobia, you will live your life with a greater sense of well-being.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who provides Integrative Psychotherapy (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy.

I have helped many clients to overcome phobias.

To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Mind-Body Connection in Psychotherapy: Looking Beyond the "Happy Talk"

While I believe in positive psychology and optimism, over the years, I've seen too many psychotherapy clients who use positivity as a defense mechanism.  In other words, they only focus on the positive aspects of their life and avoid dealing with serious emotional problems  (see my article: Are You Using Your Idea of "Positive Thinking" to Deny Your Problems?).

The Mind-Body Connection: Looking Beyond the "Happy Talk" to Underlying Emotional Issues

When people only focus on the positive aspects of their life, not only do they avoid thinking about their problems, they also avoid taking action to try to change their problems.

There's often a fear of dealing with unpleasant aspects of their life, so they'll say that everything is "fine" and everything about their childhood was "great."

In the meantime, it takes so much psychic energy to maintain this defensive attitude that it often leaves people feeling mentally and physically exhausted.  And underneath it all, they feel miserable, but they just can't admit it to themselves or, initially, to their therapists.

The people who avoid their problems aren't delusional--they're in denial--and their unresolved problems manifest in other ways: insomnia, headaches, backaches, muscle spasms, excessive drinking, drug abuse, compulsive gambling, and so on.

They're often so busy "looking on the bright side" that they don't want to see other areas of their life that are falling apart.

Aside from avoidance and denial, part of the problem is our culture's infatuation with positive thinking.  For more than 50 years, we've had dozens of books on "how to be happy" and "choosing happiness" that many people develop unrealistic ideas of how their life should be.  They think they're supposed to be happy all the time and if they're not, something must be wrong with them.

Fictional Vignette:  The Mind-Body Connection: Looking Beyond the "Happy Talk"

Edna
Edna came to therapy because she was having problems sleeping.

The Mind-Body Connection: Avoiding Problems Can Cause Insomnia and Other Physical Problems

She told her therapist that she wanted to learn mindfulness meditation so she could de-stress at the end of the day, and she chose her therapist because she had an expertise in mindfulness and the mind-body connection.

One of the first things that her therapist noticed during the initial psychotherapy consultation was that Edna was stiff.  She sat rigidly at the edge of the couch with her hands tightly clasped, eyes wide open, and a rigid, tight smile on her face.  She was also clinching her jaw.

When her therapist asked her about her family history, Edna brushed this off saying that she had a "great" childhood and she didn't see any reason to dwell on her family history.

When the therapist told her that they didn't have to dwell on her family history, but it's customary to get basic information about the family, Edna reluctantly agreed to talk briefly about her family.  Then, she seemed to flounder for a few minutes, finally asking, "What do you want to know?"

Her therapist told her that she would like to know about her relationships with her parents and her siblings, how they got along, if there were any significant events when she was growing up that impacted her, and so on.

Edna thought for a moment, and then she said that she got along well with her parents while they were both alive, and she also got along with her older brother.  Her father died when she was nine "...but I got over that," and her mother and brother were still alive.

When her therapist asked her how she got over her father's death, Edna told her that she, her mother and brother "just put it behind us and we went on with our lives."

Although Edna continued to smile, her eyes were welling up with tears and she was grasping tightly to the sides of the chair.

Since this was the initial consultation, her therapist noted Edna's reaction to herself, but she didn't press her about it.

Edna went on to say that she has had a "very happy life" and it would be "perfect" if only she could overcome her problems with insomnia.  This is why she wanted to learn mindfulness meditation in therapy because she tried it on her own and she couldn't focus.

During the next few sessions, her therapist guided Edna through mindfulness meditation, but Edna continued to have problems focusing.  She also got headaches, neck pain, and backaches during the meditation and she got spasms in her right arm.

The Mind-Body Connection: Looking  Beyond the "Happy Talk" 

Edna told her therapist that she would frequently have these physical problems and her doctor told her that there was nothing medically wrong with her.  He suspected that these physical problems were psychological and possibly related to stress.  But Edna discounted this and told her doctor that her life was "wonderful" and she wasn't under any particular stress, nor did she have any psychological problems.

Her therapist asked Edna if she would be willing to try a hypnotherapy technique called the Affect Bridge where clients sense into their physical and emotional reactions to see what comes up (see my article: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Edna told her therapist that she would be willing to try it, but she doubted that anything in particular would come up.

Using the Affect Bridge, her therapist asked Edna to sense into the tightness in her jaw and go back to  the earliest memory she could remember that was related to this physical sensation.

After a couple of minutes, Edna's jaw began to quiver and tears rolled down her face, but she seemed totally unaware of her emotional and physical reactions because she told her therapist that nothing came up for her.

When her therapist pointed out to Edna that her jaw was trembling and tears were streaming down her face, Edna seemed surprised.  She appeared to be cut off from these sensations.

Although she couldn't associate any particular memory with her physical and emotional reaction, she realized that she was feeling a little calmer--as if something in her had been released.

Her therapist recognized that the work would be slow because Edna was defending against feeling her emotions and physical reactions, and going too fast would be overwhelming for her.

When Edna returned for her next session, she said she slept better after their last session and that hypnotherapy technique, the Affect Bridge, seemed to help her--even if she didn't understand why.  So, she agreed to continue to work with the Affect Bridge.

Edna made slow and steady progress in therapy, although she continued to maintain that there wasn't anything in particular, other than her sleep problem, that was affecting her.

During that time, she was assessed in a sleep lab, and she was told that she didn't suffer with sleep apnea and there weren't any other medical problems that could explain her sleep problem.  The sleep specialist recommended that she continue to attend her psychotherapy sessions.

Over time, using the Affect Bridge, Edna began to identify an emotion that was associated with the stiffness in her jaw:  Anger.

This surprised Edna, "I can't imagine where that came from.  I don't have anything to be angry about."

Although she couldn't identify anything that she was angry about, she said that she could sense the anger in her jaw as well as in her throat and neck.

When they focused on her throat, Edna said she felt a tightness in her throat as well as tears behind her eyes.

Although this was a little frightening for Edna, she becoming more psychologically minded in therapy and she was curious as to where all of this would lead.

As usual, her therapist told Edna at the end of their session that if she remembered any dreams, she could bring them in.  Usually, Edna would say that she never remembered her dreams.

But the following session, Edna came in and she looked upset.  She told her therapist that she had a dream the previous night that disturbed her.  Her therapist asked her to tell the dream in the present tense as if she was still in the dream.

The dream was about her father on the day that he died.  He never had any health problems, but he had a sudden heart attack when Edna was 10, and in the dream she was telling him not to leave her.  As a 10 year old, she believed that if she prayed, he would be all right, but he never recovered and he was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital.

Edna said that when she woke up from the dream, she was clinching her jaw and her jaw hurt.  She also realized when she woke up that she was crying in her sleep.

As they talked about the dream and how close it was to what actually happened 20 years ago when her father died, Edna told her therapist that she thought she had "put all of that behind me."

Even talking about the dream was disturbing to her but, by the end of the session, she was feeling calmer.  And when she came back the following session, she reported sleeping better that whole week.

Reluctantly, she acknowledged that it was obvious to her that she had never mourned her father and she was still holding onto a lot of grief.  She was also still angry about her father leaving her and that her prayers for his survival went unanswered.

Edna told her therapist that when her father died, there was no one to talk to about it.  Her mother and older brother refused to talk about it, and the other family members told her that she needed to "move on" and focus on her studies.  Now, looking back on it, she realized how ridiculous it was for her relatives to tell a 10 year old this, and she felt angry about this too.

Edna said that, in the past, she thought that if she just focused on being positive, doing affirmations, and remained goal-oriented and motivated that she would have a sense of well-being, but it was clear to her now that her body and her dream were trying to tell her something else.

Edna was now ready to accept that her insomnia and other physical symptoms were connected to trauma related to her unresolved grief.  She was now willing to listen to her therapist talk to her about the connection between the mind and the body and to work on her unresolved trauma.

Conclusion
Anything can be used as a defense against feeling uncomfortable emotions, including positive thinking, positive psychology and affirmations.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with positivity and affirmations.  The problem arises when people use positivity to avoid their problems.

This avoidance is usually due to fear of dealing with the problems and develops into denial.

When clients avoid dealing with their problems, especially unresolved trauma, these problems can manifest in physical ways (as seen in the fictional vignette above).

If clients are fortunate enough to have a medical doctor who rules out medical problems and understands the mind-body connection, the doctor will recommend psychotherapy.

There are certain mind-body therapy modalities, like the Affect Bridge in hypnotherapy, that can help clients to tap into physical sensations to understand the underlying issues.

When clients have a good therapeutic rapport with their therapist, they are usually more willing to be curious and explore the underlying issues.

When underlying traumatic issues are identified, a trauma-informed therapist can help the client to work through these issues.

Getting Help in Therapy
Fear and denial can be very powerful.

Sometimes, when people are very emotionally invested in believing that they only need positive thinking or positive affirmations--to the exclusion of dealing with underlying problems--they blame themselves when positivity isn't enough to make them feel better.

A skilled trauma-informed psychotherapist will work in a gentle way to help clients to overcome their fear and denial so they can eventually work through their underlying trauma.

If you have been feeling stuck and you think you might be avoiding dealing with emotional problems, you could benefit from seeking help from a skilled psychotherapist.

Rather than suffering on your own, you could free yourself from your traumatic history so you can lead a healthier, more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to work through psychological trauma so they can move on with their lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Open Up to New Possibilities in Your Life

All too often people are held back from accomplishing their goals because they are hindered by their personal history.  Struggling on their own, they're unable to overcome these obstacles. But psychotherapy offers an opportunity to free yourself from a history that has been holding you back (see my article: The Benefits of Therapy and What's Holding You Back From Achieving Your Goals?).

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Open Up to New Possibilities in Your Life

Usually, people don't understand how problems from the past affect them now because these underlying issues are unconscious and it's difficult, on your own, to make the connection between what happened before and what's happening now.

People, who feel stuck, tend to berate themselves for being "lazy" or "stupid" when the actual cause of the problem is unresolved emotional trauma.

While it's generally well known that the past can affect the present, it's often difficult to see this in your own personal situation.  And, even if you're able to see it, it can be difficult to overcome the underlying issues on your own.

Let's take a look at a fictionalized scenario which is representative of these issues:

Max
Max was in a dead end job with little to no possibility of moving up or getting a raise.

He wanted to start his own business as a website developer.  He had developed websites pro bono for his friends and for nonprofit groups, and he received high praise for his skills, so he decided to develop his own website offering his skills to others for a fee.

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Open Up to New Possibilities in Your Life

Max knew there would be lots of competition because there were already many other businesses that already offered the same services, but Max wanted to give it a try.

After he developed the website for his business, he was ready to launch it, but he delayed because he had a terrible sense of foreboding.  He didn't know why he felt this way, but he decided to hold off for a while until he felt more comfortable with the idea of starting his own business.

A week turned into a month and a month turned into six months.  And, before he knew it, Max delayed launching his website for a year--even though he couldn't think of any logical reason why he was putting it off.

Whenever his friends would ask him how things were going with the launch of his website, he would tell them that he was still working on it. But his friends knew that Max was very talented and that something else had to be going on.

Finally, his best friend, John, asked Max what was going on and why wasn't he getting started with his business idea.  John knew that Max would be successful if he advertised his services, so he realized that something else had to be going on.

Max and John were friends for many years, so he felt more comfortable talking to John about it than anyone else.  He explained to John that when he was about to launch his site, he had a terrible sense of foreboding and he couldn't go ahead with it.

They talked for a long time over dinner.  John tried to convince Max to "just do it" and tried to bolster Max's confidence.  But he realized that nothing he said was having an impact on Max.  So, he suggested that Max see a therapist.

Max had been in therapy several years ago to deal with the loss of his grandmother when she died.

At the time, Max, who was very close to his grandmother, thought he would never overcome this loss, but his therapist helped him to work through his grief, so Max had a good experience of being in therapy before.  But he wasn't sure how therapy could help him now.

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Open Up to New Possibilities in Your Life

After he thought about it for a while, Max decided to return to his former therapist to see if she could help him to overcome his fear and procrastination (see my articles: Overcoming Procrastination and  Returning to Therapy).

Max told his therapist that he couldn't think of any rational reason that he was procrastinating launching his website.  He knew he had the skills and the business savvy to do it.  He also knew that he would enjoy this business.

Then, he described the sense of foreboding that came over him when he was about to launch his website.  He had no words to express the sense of foreboding that he felt in his stomach.

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Open Up to New Possibilities in Your Life

His therapist worked with the mind-body connection in therapy and she asked him to stay with the sensation as long as it was tolerable to him.  In response, Max said that, although it was uncomfortable, it was tolerable.

His therapist asked Max to just notice what happened next.

At first, Max didn't notice any change, but then he realized that the tension that was in his stomach was moving up through his chest and into his throat.  He said it didn't hurt and it was still tolerable, but it seemed odd to him.

Using a clinical hypnosis technique called the Affect Bridge, his therapist asked him to stay with the sensation and the emotions and go back to the earliest time that he could remember feeling these same sensations and emotions (see my article: Mind-Body Psychotherapy: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

At first, Max was skeptical about this, but he stayed with it and a memory came to him.  He said, "I don't know why this memory is coming up now and I don't know if it's related to what we're working on, but I'm remembering a conversation I had with my grandmother when I was four or five years old."

His therapist encouraged Max to stay with the memory, sensations and emotions and tell her what was coming up for him.

Max remembered that he used to see his grandmother everyday during that time because she lived in the apartment upstairs from where he lived with his parents.  Usually, he would have his afternoon snack with his grandmother at the same time every afternoon and they would talk.

He remembered on this particular day that his grandmother was reminiscing about her father when she was a little girl in her native country.  She had loved and admired her father very much, and she spent a lot of time with him while he worked in his workshop.

At the time, she thought her father was a genius, especially when it came to fixing things.  He had such a good reputation at what he did that people from their town and the surrounding towns would come with broken appliances or radios, after they had been to other people who told them that it couldn't be fixed, and her father fixed it without a problem.

Although he was admired by most people, there were a few people who had similar businesses who were angry and jealous because they felt he was taking business away from them.

His grandmother told Max that her father invented a farm tool that he was very proud of at the time.  He had hoped that tool, which was unique, would interest local farmers and that he would become financially successful as a result.

When word got out about her father's new farm tool, the men who were jealous of him began to spread malicious gossip about him.  They also maligned his invention.

Although people in the town generally liked her father, for some reason, they believed the gossip and began to stay away from his shop.

At first, her father didn't understand why his business had dropped off so much.  Then, word got back to him about the stories that were circulating about him, and he was stunned.

He realized that his competitors were jealous about his invention and they were behind the vicious rumors.  He also knew that the rumors wouldn't stop until he stopped trying to promote his invention, so he quietly put it away.  And, sure enough, the gossip stopped and people gradually came back to his business.

Max's grandmother remembered this time as being a very humiliating and sad time for her father, for her and the rest of the family.  When she spoke about it, she talked about her father and the rest of the family being powerless to stop what was happening at the time.

Then, she looked directly at Max and she told him, "It's better to remain humble than to be proud and try to rise above where you are or people will try to destroy you."

Max remembers feeling shocked and anxious as a child after he heard his grandmother's story about her father.  At the time, he knew that, even though this was an old memory for his grandmother, she was still very affected by it.  He could see the sadness and fear in her eyes and, as a child, he thought about it for a long time, although he didn't completely understand it because he was so young.

When Max discussed this memory further with his therapist, he had the sudden realization that this was what was holding him back.  He wasn't sure why or how, but he felt it in his gut (see my article: An Unconscious Identification With a Loved One Can Create an Obstacle to Change).

Then, he remembered many other times that his grandmother gave him similar advice based on her traumatic experiences as a child.

Although he knew that his grandmother had been traumatized and she was only trying to protect him, he also felt annoyed that he had been burdened with these ideas at such a young child.

"But how could such a memory from so long ago still be affecting me?" Max asked his therapist.

His therapist responded by telling Max that although this memory wasn't in the forefront of his mind, it had remained in his unconscious and had made an emotional impact on him at an early age, especially since his grandmother had such a big influence on him.

His therapist explained that the memory got triggered, without his realizing it, when Max was about to launch his website to advertise his services.  Even though his grandmother told him this story a long time ago, the memory remained in his unconscious mind and became the impediment to his going forward (see my article: Freeing Yourself From Family Expectations and Beliefs That Are Harmful to You).

Using EMDR Therapy, his therapist helped Max to work through this obstacle (see my articles: How EMDR Therapy Works - Part 1, How EMDR Therapy Works - Part 2: Overcoming Trauma and How Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR Therapy, Can Help to Achieve an Emotional Breakthrough).

Over time, Max was able to separate his experience from his grandmother's experience (see my article: Working Through Emotional Trauma: Psychotherapy Helps You to Separate "Then" From "Now").

Gradually, he became comfortable with the idea of launching his website and he also became open to new possibilities in his life, including that he could be a successful business owner.

How Psychotherapy Can Help You to Open Up to New Possibilities in Your Life

By the time he launched his website, he had no fear, conscious or unconscious.  He anticipated that he would enjoy his business and he would be successful.

Conclusion
Often, people are stuck for reasons that they don't understand because the reasons are unconscious.

The Affect Bridge from clinical hypnosis is one of many ways that skilled therapists, who are hypnotherapists, help clients to overcome unconscious obstacles so that clients can become open to new possibilities and new ways of seeing themselves.

Getting Help in Therapy
Clients are often surprised to discover that unconscious memories that are creating obstacles for them.

Getting to these unconscious memories on your own would be very difficult.

If you're feeling stuck and you've been unable to move forward on your own, rather than suffering alone, you can get help from a licensed mental health professional who can help you identify the obstacles and work through them.

The first step, which is often the hardest, is making a call for a consultation, but it can make all the difference between remaining stuck and freeing yourself from your history (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

An Unconscious Identification with a Loved One Can Create an Obstacle to Change

People who start therapy often wonder why it's so hard to change, so I want to address one of the major reasons why people have problems changing, which is an unconscious identification with a loved one.

An Unconscious Identification With a Loved One Can Create an Obstacle to Change

From the time that we're infants, we learn to identify with our caregivers, usually our parents.  Even as adults, we can continue to identify with loved ones.

The identification can include values, opinions, thoughts, feelings, habits and lifestyle choices.

The following fictional vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, provides an example of someone who comes to therapy to make a change, but who encounters an obstacle within himself that makes it difficult for him to change.

Rick
Rick came to therapy after his doctor advised him to stop smoking or he would face increasingly debilitating health consequences in addition to the ones he was already experiencing, including severe headaches, problems breathing and a persistent cough that wouldn't go away (see my article:  Do You Want to Stop Smoking?).

Struggling with Health Consequences of Smoking 

Before coming to therapy, Rick tried to stop smoking on his own.  But even though he wasn't feeling well because he was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day for several years, he couldn't stop.

He tried the nicotine patch and nicotine gum.  He tried to go "cold turkey," but nothing worked for him.  His wife pleaded with him to stop, to no avail.

Rick came for clinical hypnosis as a last resort.  He didn't have much faith that hypnosis would help him, but he was feeling desperate and decided to give it a try.

I began, as I often do with people who want to stop smoking, by asking Rick about his motivation to stop smoking.  He told me that he knew that he "should" because of his doctor's warning and his wife was also unhappy about his smoking.

Based on Rick's tone and the shrug of his shoulders, I could tell that his internal motivation wasn't strong, and he admitted this.  His motivation was mostly external as opposed to a strong internal motivation that is often needed to help people to stop smoking or to make other difficult changes.

 I took a history of Rick's use of tobacco, including his many attempts to stop on his own (see my article:  Becoming a Successful Nonsmoker).

We also discussed his pattern of smoking (when he smokes, what time, how often, etc) with the idea of using "pattern interruption" as a way to help him to break his habit.

As part of the pattern interruption, Rick agreed to change cigarette brands and to change where he smoked.  Interrupting the pattern in the rituals that Rick had for smoking was somewhat successful.  He was able to reduce his use from two packs to a pack a day and, a few sessions later, he reduced it to half a pack per day.

This was more than Rick had ever been able to do on his own.  He was also surprised that his cravings were reduced.  But, try as he might, he couldn't stop smoking altogether, and I realized that there was probably a strong unconscious underlying reason that was undermining our efforts.

In order to discover what Rick liked about smoking, he agreed to allow me to do a hypnotic induction.  While in a light hypnotic state, Rick expressed feeling very relaxed and, at the same time, he maintained a dual awareness of both his relaxed state and that he was sitting on a couch in my office.

I asked Rick to go back in his mind to the first time that he smoked and enjoyed it.  Rick remembered a pleasant summer day sitting on his grandfather's porch with his father and grandfather.  He remembered that it was after a great dinner that his grandmother had made and his grandfather was telling funny stories about his childhood.

He remembered how they all joked and laughed and how he realized that day how much he loved his father and grandfather.  He was particularly aware on that day of the strong bond he felt with them and how being allowed to sit with them, while the women in the family were in the house, made him feel proud, as if he was part of this exclusive "club"for the men in the family.

Many other similar happy memories of being with his grandfather and father came to his mind.  Just thinking of those memories brought tears to Rick's eyes.

Afterwards, as part of the debriefing in the session, Rick talked about how surprised he was to realize that when he smoked, he continued to feel a bond with his father and grandfather, both of whom he missed very much since they died.

No wonder it was so hard for Rick to give up smoking.  He had an unconscious identification with his father and grandfather through smoking cigarettes and it helped him feel connected to them even though they were both dead.

As he continued to talk about these two important men in his family, Rick said they were the two most important people in his life.  Then, he cried to think that he might give up this habit that kept him feeling connected to them.

During the next session, Rick and I talked about the strong bond that he felt with his teenage sons.  He often spent a lot of time with his sons and it was obvious that he was proud of them and loved them very much.

I asked Rick how he would feel if his sons began smoking.  Rick dismissed this idea.  He said that, even though he smoked, he had always told his sons not to smoke, and they promised him they never would start.  The idea of his sons smoking was so disturbing to him that he couldn't even consider the idea.

I told Rick, as tactfully as I could, that children learn more from what they see their parents do than what their parents tell them to do.  And, just like he started smoking as a way to bond with his father and grandfather, his children could do the same.

Rick acknowledged that this could happen, but he doubted that it would.  But if it did, he would never want to pick up a cigarette again because seeing his sons smoke would upset him too much.

By the end of that session, Rick began thinking about his place in the family--now that his father and grandfather were gone, he was the patriarch in the family and he wanted to set a good example for his sons.

When Rick came back the following week, he looked upset.  He told me that he was shocked to learn from his wife that his younger son, John was smoking and he had been keeping it a secret--until Rick's wife found a pack of cigarettes in John's pants pocket as she was sorting the laundry.

He said that after she told him about their son smoking, he sat by himself in the kitchen for a long feeling sad and upset.

How an Unconscious Identification with a Loved One Can Create an Obstacle to Change

He knew that if he confronted his son in an angry way, it would seem hypocritical to John.  So, he decided that, once and for all, he was going to give up smoking.  Hearing that his younger son had taken up smoking provided Rick with the motivation he needed to stop.  With the help of hypnotic suggestions, and his motivation to change Rick was able to stop smoking.

Several months later, when I followed up with Rick, he told me that he continued to be a successful nonsmoker and, shortly after he stopped, his son, John, also stopped.  Rick told me how proud he felt that he could "kick the habit" and he thought that his father and grandfather would also be very proud of him.  That feeling--that his father and grandfather would be proud of him--was another strong motivator for him to remain a successful nonsmoker.

Conclusion
Although the vignette above is a composite of many different cases, it has been my experience that, in many instances, an unconscious identification with a loved one can create an obstacle to change.

These identifications are usually not apparent at first.  A therapist, who is skilled at doing discovery work, can help clients to uncover the unconscious obstacle.

An Unconscious Identification with a Loved One Can Create an Obstacle to Change

As in the case with "Rick," a behavior or habit that represents a strong identification is often hard to change.

But, similar to the vignette above, if clients discover an even more compelling reason to change, as "Rick," that reason can help to transcend the original obstacle.

Getting Help in Therapy
Obstacles to change often include conscious and unconscious factors.

It is usually difficult to discover the unconscious factors on your own, which is one of the reasons why people come to therapy.

If you've having difficulty making changes, you could benefit from working with a skilled therapist who has experience helping clients to discover and overcome unconscious obstacles.

Discovering the unconscious obstacle is an initial step.  Developing the motivation to transcend the obstacle is what often leads to transformation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

An Emotional Problem You Thought You Resolved Gets Triggered Again

It's not unusual for people to revisit emotional problems in therapy that they thought they had already worked through at an earlier time in their life.  Different life stages and events can trigger these problems in new and different ways.  Rather than feeling disappointed or discouraged, it can be an opportunity to work through an issue in a deeper, more meaningful way.

The following fictionalized scenario is an example of this type of phenomenon:

Alice
Alice came to therapy to work on fears of being abandoned in her current relationship (see my article: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment).

An Emotional Problem You Thought You Resolved Gets Triggered Again Later in Life

She knew logically that there was no objective reason to believe that her boyfriend of three years would leave her, but she still felt overwhelmed by this fear.  But, on an emotional level, she was constantly worried that her boyfriend would leave her no matter how many times he reassured her.

When this happens, it's often the case that there are underlying emotions, usually related to memories, that are getting triggered.

By doing an "affect bridge," which is a technique used in clinical hypnosis, we were able to trace back her fear to an earlier loss that she thought she had already worked through in a previous therapy--the loss of her father when she was 10 (see my article about the affect bridge technique:  What is the "Affect Bridge" in Clinical Hypnosis?).

Alice knew that she missed her father and she often wished that he was still alive, especially now that she and her boyfriend were talking about getting married.  But she said that, without doing the affect bridge, she never would have made the connection between her current fear and her earlier loss.

In a sense, Alice was relieved to know that her current feelings "made sense" in terms of the earlier loss, especially since there were no signs that her boyfriend would ever abandon her.

But, in another sense, she felt disappointed and frustrated that she had to revisit a problem that she thought she had worked through earlier.

As we explored her feelings, it became evident that she had worked through her grief in her last therapy for that time in her life.  But the intensity of her feelings for her boyfriend and their talk about getting married brought her to a deeper level, which she had been unaware of before.

Symbolically, for the sake of simplicity, we can think of the unconscious mind as if it had different layers.  Very often, when we work through an emotional problem, like a big loss, we work through it as best as we can at that time given our emotional development, life experience, and whatever is going on at that time.

Later on, at a different stage in life or with a different life event, like the possibility of getting married, this problem can resurface at a deeper layer, so to speak, of the unconscious mind that we were unaware of before.

In Alice's case, although she grieved for her loss earlier, she was not aware of feeling abandoned at that time.  Those feelings remained unconscious until the affect bridge made her unconscious feelings conscious (see my article: Psychotherapy: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

We started by separating her feelings related to her earlier loss from her current situation (see my article:          Working Through Emotional Trauma: Separating "Then" From "Now" in Therapy).  This helped to ease some of her fears so that she didn't feel the need to keep asking her boyfriend for constant reassurance.

Then, using EMDR therapy, we processed Alice's feelings about feeling abandoned by her father when he died (see my articles:  What is EMDR?, How EMDR Works: EMDR and the Brain, and How EMDR Works: Overcoming Emotional Trauma).

Initially, she talked about knowing, logically, that her father loved her and he didn't want to leave her.

As we continued to process her feelings of being abandoned, Alice realized on a deeper emotional level that her feelings "made sense" on an emotional level, especially since she was only 10 when her father died.

The sudden and unexpected nature of her father's death contributed to her feeling abandoned.  She also realized that these feelings of abandonment were on a deeper level of her unconscious mind and they were inaccessible to her during her last therapy.   These feelings didn't surface until this time in her life when she felt emotionally vulnerable with her boyfriend as they talked about making a life commitment to each other.

EMDR therapy enabled Alice to work through her feelings of abandonment so that she was no longer getting triggered in her relationship.

An Emotional Problem You Thought You Resolved Gets Triggered Again Later in Life

Alice still missed her father, especially on her wedding day, but she was no longer vulnerable to fears of abandonment.

Conclusion
As human beings, we are complex emotional creatures.

At different stages of life, old emotional wounds can resurface in new and unexpected ways, even emotional wounds that we thought we had worked through at an earlier time in life.

Often, if we're unaware of what is going on unconsciously, we don't know what is at the root of the problem.

Using experiential types of therapy, like clinical hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR therapy, usually helps to get to deeper, unconscious levels in a shorter period of time than regular talk therapy and also helps to work through the problem at a deeper level (see my article: Experiential therapy, Like EMDR, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

Getting Help in Therapy
If you've been unable to work through your problems on your own, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in your problem.

I usually recommend that people work with psychotherapists who are trained to work experientially to get to these deeper levels.

Recognize that it's not at all unusual for old emotional wounds to resurface at different stages of your life.  Working through an old emotional wound at a deeper level can help you to feel more emotionally integrated and fulfilled.

About Me:
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.