Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

As a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in New York City, this is the time of year when I see new clients coming to therapy because they've decided to make important changes in their lives. This is the time of year when many of us take stock, think about our lives, and make New Year's resolutions about the things that we want to change about ourselves. 

Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

At the beginning of the New Year when people make their New Year's resolutions, many people start with enthusiasm, motivation and determination to make the changes that they want to see in their lives. 

However, after a month or two, many of those same people get frustrated and discouraged when they don't see the changes happening fast enough, and they abandon their efforts. When you work with a licensed mental health professional who has advanced training in clinical hypnosis, you're able to work more deeply on the unconscious issues that keep you from making the changes that you want to make. It's not as much of a struggle as when you try to do it on your own.

If you, like many others, are at the point when you've made your New Year's resolutions and you feel determined to make those changes, here are some tips that might be helpful:

• Recognize that Change is a Process: Since change is a process that happens over time, and usually not a one-time event, recognize that making changes, especially if you're trying to do it on your own, might take longer than you think.

• Focus on Changing Your Behavior: Instead of focusing on specific results (e.g., wanting to lose a specific amount of weight by a specific date), focus on changing your behavior. So, for instance, instead of saying, "I want to lose 15 lbs. by March 1st," focus on eating healthier and more nutritious meals. When you focus on healthier eating habits, your goal will be a broader change that will be longer lasting, more holistic and more effective than planning for particular weight loss. You're also more likely to keep off any weight that you've lost when you have a broader goal.

• Choose Only One or Two Changes at a Time: If you overwhelm yourself with too many New Year's resolutions at a time, you are probably setting yourself up for failure. Choosing one or two behaviors that you would like to change is more likely to be effective. As you see positive changes in those one or two areas that you want to change, you'll feel more confident about yourself. Then, after you've consolidated your gains in these areas, you can consider other areas that you'd like to change.

• Decide What You'd Like to Add to Your Life As Well: When you decide to make a change in yourself, decide what you'd like to add to your life as well. So, for instance, if you want to stop smoking and you know that you tend to smoke when you get anxious, think about what pleasant activities you can substitute for your old smoking habit when you feel triggered by anxiety. Attending a yoga class, going to the gym, talking to a friend, learning to meditate, or some other healthy activity that you would enjoy, might be among the activities that you choose to add to your life. So, it's not just about "giving up smoking." The overall goal is to lead a healthier life, you're learning new coping skills for when you get anxious, and you're also adding healthy activities to create greater happiness in your life.

• Recognize that You Might Slip Back into Old Behaviors: This gets back to the idea that change is a process. So, it's better not to engage in all-or-nothing thinking when you're trying to make changes in your life. Recognize that you might slip back into the old behaviors that you're trying to change. Plan for these slips so that you're prepared if and when they occur. For many people, this is the time when they become frustrated and they give up on their New Year's resolutions. So, rather than berating yourself and giving up, acknowledge that you're human, you had a slip, recommit to your goal and move on.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, AEDP, EMDR, IFS Parks Work, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples to make positive changes so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

I wish everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Visualization Can Transform Your Life

In my psychotherapy private practice in New York City I help clients to use their imagination and visualizations to achieve transformation in their life (see my article: Using Your Imagination).

Visualization and Transformation

What is Visualization?

Visualization is the process of creating vivid mental images or representations. 

Visualization can be used to understand complex information. It can also be used to mentally rehearse desired outcomes for personal growth, therapy or performance (see my article: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want).

Visualization uses the imagination to form pictures in your mind. This often involves using all your senses to simulate experiences and goals. This can improve focus, motivation and the development of new skills.

How is Visualization Used in Psychotherapy and Personal Development?

Here are some examples of how visualization can be used in psychotherapy and personal development:

• Mental Rehearsal: Imagining yourself performing a task. This builds neural pathways which makes it easier to do in real life.

• Goal Setting: Creating a clear mental picture of a desired future outcome to direct your unconscious mind and increase your motivation (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

• Sensory Engagement: Using sight, sound, touch and smell to enhance the power of your imagery and make it more realistic.

What Are the Key Aspects of Visualization?

• Mental Imagery: Visualization involves seeing in your mind's eye without actual visual input.

Visualization and Transformation

• Brain Activation: Visualization activates similar brain areas as actual seeing and doing, which makes it a powerful training tool.

• Technique: Visualization can involve the process (the steps it takes to achieve your goal) or the outcome you desire (the end result).

How I Learned to Use Visualization

When I first tried using visualization as part of a women's personal development group more than 25 years go, I had a hard time accessing visual images.  The other women around me were getting vivid imagery when they closed their eyes to visualize and I was getting nothing.

Then I discovered the book, Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain, and I began to practice regularly on my own in addition to group practice. And, with a lot of practice, I began to visualize simple things and, over time, my visualizations became more complex and vivid.

At the time, I had an administrative job near the East River in Manhattan and I would walk over to the river on my lunch hour and practice projecting images with my eyes open onto the flowing river.  This took time to develop, but it was fun and very satisfying to be able to imagine and see these images in the water.

Sometimes when my women's group got together, we would practice visualizations together as a way to develop intuition. Each women would take turns imaging an image and, over time, many of us could sense what the visualizer was imagining.  This made us realize that intuition, like visualization, can be developed with practice.

What Are Some Helpful Visualization Tools?

When I was learning to visualize, I didn't have access to the wonderful tools that exist now to help with visualizations.

Here are some tools you might find helpful:

• Vision Boards (also called Visualization Boards): Vision boards are visual representations of your goals, intentions and desires. Vision boards are usually poster size boards. They are often made up of collage images that serve to motivate and inspire you towards your goals and desires. You can make your vision board as simple or elaborate as you want.

Visualization and Transformation

• Visualization Music: Visualization music is designed to facilitate visualization and meditative processes.  The purpose of this music is to help you focus on your visualizations. You can find visualization music online.

• Guided Imagery: You can practice your visualizations using guided imagery recordings or books.  A book I found helpful many years ago, which is still in print, is Mother Wit by Diane Mariechild.

• Visualizations of Your Future Self: The concept of a future self is used in hypnotherapy, EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy), AEDP and in other types of Experiential therapies. Your future self is how you want to be in the future as someone who has accomplished your goals, intentions and desires (see my article: Experiencing Your Future Self: The Self You Want to Become).

Conclusion

There are many ways to use visualizations to achieve your desires.

Visualization and Transformation

As I mentioned earlier, initially, I had a problem seeing anything at all when I closed my eyes more than 25 years ago, but with practice and persistence, I learned to create vivid images.

Using visualizations for transformation can be a fun and powerful way to transform your life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Helpful Tips on How to Make the Most Out of Your Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can be a transformative experience (see my article: What is EFT Couples Therapy?).

A skilled couples therapist can help you and your partner to overcome challenges in your relationship.

How to Make the Most Out of Couples Therapy

To get the most out of couples therapy, it's important to understand that it's common to feel a certain amount of anxiety and ambivalence, especially if you don't know what to expect (see my article: It's Not Unusual to Feel Anxious and Ambivalent at the Start of Therapy).

To help reduce your anxiety, it's helpful to know how to approach couples therapy so you can get the most out of it. 

What Do Couples Talk About in Couples Therapy?

Couples can talk about a variety of issues (see my article: What Do Couples Talk About in Couples Therapy?).

Here are just a few of the issues that couples talk about in couples therapy:

• Communication problems

• Fear of intimacy
  

• Moving in together or getting married

• Sharing the mental load

• Infertility issues

• Grief and loss related to miscarriages

• Grief and loss due to the loss of a child

• Parenting issues

• Blended family issues

• Different perspectives about managing money

• Sexual issues

• Opening up your relationship to see other people (see my article: What is Consensual Nonmonogamy?)

• Aging

• Infidelity
  

• Problems with in-laws

• Retirement issues

• Divorce and co-parenting

• Taking care of aging parents

• Other major issues 

What Are the Do's and Don'ts in Couples Therapy

Do's in Couples Therapy:

• Approach Couples Therapy With Curiosity and Openness: It's important to state your feelings openly and honestly to your partner and to the couples therapist in session.

• Talk About What You Want: Being able to tell your couples therapist and your partner what you want to get out of couples therapy will help to define your goals. You might even be surprised that your partner might have different goals and these differences might need to be negotiated.

How to Make the Most Out of Couples Therapy

• Set Realistic Goals: Once you and your partner have agreed to what you want to get out of therapy, set realistic goals for the couples therapy. When you have goals, the couples therapy has direction and you can assess your progress. However, it's also important to know that progress in therapy isn't linear. This means that setbacks (where you take two steps forward and one step back) are a normal part of the process, so don't get discouraged (See my article: Progress in Therapy Isn't Learner).

• Practice Active Listening in Your Sessions: Learning to actively listen to what your partner and your couples therapist say is an important part of couples therapy (see my article: The Importance of Active Listening in Your Relationship).

• Practice the Skills You Learn in Couples Therapy Between Sessions: Use the skills you learn in couples therapy between sessions so you can continue to hone your skills in your daily life with your partner.  If you run into obstacles, talk about it at your next couples therapy session so you can continue to develop these skills.  There might also be some topics that you and your partner will only discuss in couples therapy sessions until you both develop the necessary skills to talk about these issues between sessions.

Don'ts in Couples Therapy:

• Don't Wait Too Long to Start Couples Therapy: Many couples wait until they're ready to end the relationship to get help. Getting into couples therapy becomes their "last ditch effort". By then, it's often too late. The sooner you get help the better.

• Don't Focus on "Fixing" Your Partner: Focus on what you want to change about yourself in the relationship instead of having the attitude that you're there to "fix" your partner.

How to Make the Most Out of Couples Therapy

• Avoid Critical, Contemptuous or Defensive Behavior: You and your partner need to learn to approach your problems as a team rather than pointing fingers or blaming one another (see my article: Improve Communication in Your Relationship By Avoiding the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse").

• Avoid Trying to "Fix" Your Partner: You and your partner need to approach your problems like a team, as previously mentioned. Instead, focus on the areas where you can grow.  Couples usually have negative patterns that each partner contributes to in their dynamic. So, part of the work in couples therapy is for you and your partner to learn work together as a team to change the negative patterns.

• Avoid Contacting the Therapist Privately Without Your Partner's Knowledge: Most couples therapists do individual sessions to get family and relationship history. However, other than those individual sessions, avoid speaking, texting or emailing the therapist without your partner's knowledge because this can undermine the therapy.  The couple is the client in couples therapy--not the individuals in relationship. Contacting the therapist privately without the other partner's knowledge often occurs when one person is trying to get the couples therapist to align with them against the partner, which a skilled couples therapist will not do.

• Avoid Keeping Secrets From Your partner and Your Therapist: Most couples therapists will not keep an individual's secrets in couples therapy. Keeping secrets from the therapist or your partner will become an obstacle to progress in therapy. For instance, if you're having a secret affair, most couples therapist will not work with you and your partner because the affair would be undermining your relationship.

Conclusion

Couples therapy can be beneficial for couples who are experiencing problems in their relationship.

You and your partner can learn to come together as a team in couples therapy to overcome the obstacles in your relationship.

If you and your partner decide that it would be best to end the relationship, a couples therapist can help you both to end the relationship as amicably as possible and come to an agreement about how to talk to your children about the end of the relationship and how to co-parent if these issues are applicable.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).

I have over 20 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

I wrote a prior article about hope entitled 5 Reasons Why Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being.

In this article I'm focusing on how the combination of hope and taking action can lead to meaningful change.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

    First a recap of my prior article:

5 Reasons Why Hope is Important to Your Sense of Well Being

There are many reasons why hope is important to your sense of well-being, including that it can provide: 

• 1. An Openness to New Possibilities: When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to be open to new and better possibilities for the future.  Even if there's just only a glimmer of hope, it can be enough for you to envision a better future for yourself (see my article: Being Open to New Possibilities).

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• 2. A Sense of Motivation: Hope can motivate you to take action because when you feel hopeful--even if you also feel some dread--you're more likely to take positive steps towards the challenges you're facing (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation).

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• 3. A Willingness to Persevere: Goals often require perseverance and perseverance is easier to sustain if you feel hopeful that your goals are achievable. This is especially true for long term goals where you might not always see progress immediately. Hope can sustain you through rough times when you might be tempted to give up (see my article: Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance).

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• 4. A Willingness to Overcome Setbacks: With many long term goals, there are often setbacks because progress isn't linear. This is true of many longer term goals. It's also true for psychotherapy.  When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to take temporary setbacks in stride rather than letting setbacks deter you from your goals (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).

• 5. An Improvement to Health and Well-Being: A sense of hope can improve your physical and mental well-being. When hope reduces stress, it can improve your immune system. Hope can also reduce anxiety and sadness.  In addition, it can increase your confidence.  Feeling hopeful and wanting to remain in a state of hopefulness can encourage you to surround yourself with like-minded people.

How to Cultivate Hope in Yourself

• Give yourself permission to be hopeful--even when you're facing tough odds.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• Set clear goals for yourself so you have a sense of purpose and direction.

• Use your imagination to visualize the positive outcome you want.
• See my articles: 
• Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool For Change

• Using Imaginal Interweaves to Overcome Trauma

• Seek support for your goals from supportive loved ones.

• Learn from other people's experiences--whether these are friends, family or inspiring people in history--to motivate yourself.

Why Does the Combination of Hope With Action Create Meaningful Change?

The stereotypical portrayal of psychotherapy is that therapy is all talk and no action (see my article: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy is All Talk and No Action).

Hope can be a powerful motivator, but hope alone won't bring about change without taking action.

Combining Hope and Action:

• People are more likely to take action when they feel hopeful--even when they're faced with significant obstacles.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• Hope provides individuals with a belief that they can persevere in taking action even in the face of obstacles (see my article: Overcoming Obstacles to Make Changes in Your Life).

• Just as hope can inspire action, action can inspire increased hope by giving people an increased sense of their own empowerment so there can be an upward spiral (see my article: Empowering Clients in Therapy).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you feel stuck and unable to motivate yourself, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that keep you stuck.

Rather than remaining stuck, seek help so you can achieve your goals and live a meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is a Growth Mindset vs a Fixed Mindset?

How we think about ourselves and the world around us, including whether we think in terms of a growth mindset or a fixed mindset, affects every area of our lives.

The Difference Between a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset

People with a growth mindset see abilities and talents as learnable and capable of improvement over time.

The Difference Between a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset

People who have a fixed mindset see these same qualities as stable and unchangeable over time.  

Someone with a fixed mindset who is considering becoming a business owner wouldn't believe they could develop the necessary skills and abilities they don't currently have. 

They would tell themselves, "I never had good business skills and that won't change, so there's no point in even trying."

Someone with a growth mindset who is considering the same endeavor would believe they could develop the necessary skills and abilities.  

They would tell themselves, "Even though I don't have business skills right now, I can learn and develop those skills over time so I can accomplish my dream."

A Growth vs a Fixed Mindset in Life

We used to think the brain stopped developing in childhood, but now we know the brain continues to evolve throughout the course of life so it's possible to grow new neural networks by having new experiences, learning new skills and expanding our knowledge.  

The Brain Can Evolve Throughout the Course of Life

Someone with a fixed mindset believes whatever they have developed already can't be expanded, but someone with a growth mindset believes there can be expansion through effort and learning throughout life.

What Are the Qualities of a Growth Mindset?

People with a growth mindset

• Believe their intelligence, talents and abilities can expand and improve by taking relevant action and making an effort 

• Believe in lifelong learning

• Believe they can achieve mastery

• View constructive feedback as a learning experience and a source of information

• Accept challenges

• Believe setbacks are a temporary phase before achieving their goals

• Become motivated and inspired by others' success

What Are the Qualities of a Fixed Mindset?

People with a fixed mindset

• Believe personal traits don't change no matter how much effort is applied

• Believe intelligence, abilities and talents are static and don't change

• Believe making an effort to change intelligence and abilities is a waste of time

• View constructive feedback as personal criticism and they often become defensive

• Avoid challenges to avoid the possibility of failure

• Hide the areas they need to improve because they're afraid they will be criticized

• Give up on their goals relatively easily

What are the Advantages of a Growth Mindset?

People who have a growth mindset  

• Experiment and try new things

• Develop a sense of determination

• Correct their mistakes along the way instead of seeing them as obstacles

• Bounce back from mistakes

• View challenges as opportunities

• Try new learning strategies

• Allow their accomplishments to speak for themselves rather than seeking approval from others

• Enjoy the learning process

• Utilize constructive criticism as a way to learn and grow

• Allow themselves to feel proud of their accomplishments

Next Article: How Can a Growth Mindset Improve Your Relationship?

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP,  EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Keep the Momentum Going in Your Therapy

In my last article, 4 Reasons Why Attending Sessions Consistently is Important For Your Progress in Therapy, I focused on why consistency is essential to success in therapy.  

I mentioned that motivation to change is what brings people into therapy and keeping the momentum going is how people make changes.

Keeping Up the Momentum in Therapy

What is Momentum?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines momentum as the strength or force gained by motion or by a series of events.

A common example of momentum is the snowball effect, which refers to the effect of events building on each other as a result of momentum. 

What is Psychological Momentum?

Researchers who study psychological momentum describe it as a perceptual force that changes human behavior and performance.

Psychological momentum is linked to the concept that "Success breeds success." 

Keeping Up the Momentum in Therapy

The concept of psychological momentum is often discussed in sports when a team is on a "winning streak." 

Winning gives the team the mental and physical power to keep going. While they're winning, they gain confidence and feel unstoppable.

In politics, psychological momentum often occurs when a candidate wins a string of political races, gains confidence and the perception that victory is inevitable.

What is Psychological Momentum in Psychotherapy?

Clinical Vignettes

The two examples below are both composites of many different cases.  

The first case shows how inconsistency and lack of motivation has a negative impact on therapy and the client's goals.

The second case shows how consistency and motivation leads to psychological momentum which enables the client to be successful in achieving his goals.

Jim

In an effort to overcome low self esteem, Jim began weekly therapy.  After a few sessions, he started cancelling appointments even though he had to pay for the cancellations.  When his therapist told him it was important to come consistently to make progress in therapy, Jim ghosted his therapist. He didn't respond to her outreach. After a few months, he started therapy with a different therapist and repeated the same pattern.  When his friend, Joe, asked Jim how therapy was going, Jim told him that he thought therapy didn't work.  

Joe

When he heard his friend, Jim, say that therapy didn't work, Joe was surprised.  He told Jim that he had been going to therapy consistently for a year and he felt he was making progress in learning how to be assertive.  He also told Jim that, at first, he had his doubts as to whether he would ever learn to assert himself but, over time, his therapy gained momentum and he was happy with the progress he was making.  

Conclusion

To experience psychological momentum in therapy, it's important to be motivated and consistent.

Many people start therapy with good intentions and then become discouraged when they have to put in an effort to make changes and they leave therapy prematurely (see my article: Why Do People Leave Therapy Prematurely?).

Eventually, many of those people return to therapy because trying to cope with their unresolved problems is much harder than doing the work in therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling with unresolved problems on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

If you're motivated and consistent in therapy, a skilled psychotherapist can help you to build momentum to overcome the obstacles that are keeping you from reaching your goals.  

Motivation, consistency and a willingness to do the work in therapy often leads to psychological momentum and a positive ripple effect in other areas of your life.

So rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed psychotherapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome their problems, including unresolved trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

4 Reasons Why Attending Sessions Consistently is Important For Your Progress in Therapy

Many clients ask at the start of therapy how often they need to attend therapy. 

Since most of us have busy lives, this is a legitimate question.  

Consistency is Important For Progress in Therapy

It's also common for people to feel anxious and ambivalent at the start of therapy (see my article: It's Not Unusual to Feel Anxious and Ambivalent at the Start of Therapy).

Research indicates that attending therapy sessions on a weekly basis is essential to make progress in therapy.

The importance of attending weekly sessions is something I discuss with clients at the start of therapy because it's important for clients to know that therapy is a big commitment and the reasons why weekly sessions are essential.

4 Reasons Why Being Consistent is Important For Your Progress in Therapy

• Building Trust and a Connection With Your Therapist: Establishing trust in your therapist is essential to a successful therapy. Building trust doesn't happen immediately, especially if you have unresolved trauma from childhood and you couldn't trust your family due to trauma.  It takes time for you and your therapist to build trust and a therapeutic connection. Weekly sessions also allows your therapist to create a holding environment to create the emotional safety you need to open up in therapy (see my article: Why Establishing Safety For Clients is So Important in Therapy).

Consistency is Important For Progress in Therapy

• Developing Internal Resources to Work on Problems: Most therapists, especially trauma therapists, help clients to develop the necessary tools needed to work on unresolved problems.  This is called resourcing. During weekly sessions, your therapist can help you develop the necessary internal resources before you delve into trauma work. Weekly sessions also allows you and your therapist to discuss which resources are working best for you.  If you skip sessions, you're delaying the resource process which also delays working on your problems (see my article: Developing Internal Resources and Coping Skills in Therapy).

• Keeping Momentum Going: Motivation to change is what brings most people into therapy. Momentum in therapy is how you make changes (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation to Change).

• Accountability: Usually goals are set at the beginning of therapy and you and your therapist talk about how you're progressing in terms of what you want to accomplish in therapy.  It's easier to track your progress if you're coming weekly than if you skip appointments.  Cancelled sessions often leads to a decrease in motivation and a reduced sense of accountability.  This is one of the reasons why most therapists have a cancellation policy.

Getting Help in Therapy

Are you considering therapy?

Before I meet with clients for an initial appointment, I talk to them on the phone for 10-15 minutes to get an idea of what they want to work on and whether I have the expertise to help them.  There is no charge for this brief talk on the phone.

After that, if clients want to set up an initial appointment, I schedule an appointment for them either in person or online.  

During the first appointment, they can see whether they feel comfortable with me to continue coming for weekly sessions.

Working on your issues in therapy provides you with an opportunity to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way from having the life you want.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

With over 25 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples to achieve their goals (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

10 Relationship Goals to Create a Stronger Relationship

In my prior article, 7 Tips For Creating a Stronger Relationship With Relationship Goals, I introduced the concept of creating relationship goals.  This article is a continuation with suggestions for 10 relationship goals that can strengthen your relationship.

10 Relationship Goals to Create a Stronger Relationship

10 Relationship Goals to Create a Stronger Relationship

Although each couple will have their own priorities in terms of the goals that are important to their relationship, the following goals are essential to most successful long term relationships.

• Make Each Other a Priority: Life is often so hectic and stressful that couples often forget to make each other a priority, especially couples in long term relationships. Consistent love and attention are an important part of any successful long term relationship.

• Show Mutual Respect: You and your partner might not see eye-to-eye on everything, but showing each other mutual respect is essential.  When you treat each other respectfully--even when you disagree--you're both letting each other know that your relationship is solid enough to allow for differences.

• Be a Friend: Strengthen the bond of your relationship by doing things that you both enjoy together.  Whether it's taking a class, learning a new skill or hanging out and relaxing, being friends with each other is an important part of building your relationship.

• Create Emotional and Sexual Intimacy: It's not easy to allow time for emotional and sexual intimacy when circumstances become stressful and hectic. If you find that you're not spending as much time together as you each need and your emotional and sexual relationship has suffered, you might need to reassess your priorities (see my articles:    What's the Difference Between Emotional and Sexual Intimacy? and Relationships: Understanding Your Sex Script).

• Make an Effort to Understand Each Other: Setting relationship goals and negotiating these goals helps you and your partner to understand each other.  Understanding means really listening to each other and, as mentioned above, showing mutual respect.  You and your partner might agree on many goals, but you might also have different approaches for how to get there (see my articles: What Are the 5 Love Languages and What to Do If You and Your Partner Have Different Love Languages).

• Align Your Core Values and Beliefs: As you and your partner work on relationship goals, you both have an opportunity to understand each other's core values and beliefs.  You might not agree with all of your partner's values and beliefs, but you can respect them (see my article: Living Authentically Aligned With Your Values).

• Embrace Imperfection: Accept that both you and your partner are imperfect beings--just like everyone else.  Practice patience and tolerance with each other, and recognize that real life relationships are different from relationships in movies or on social media.  

• Be Nonjudgmental: To form an honest, trusting relationship, you and your partner need to feel emotionally safe, so along with embracing imperfection, don't talk down to your partner or be judgmental (see my article: Creating an Emotionally Safe Space For Each Other in Your Relationship).

• Improve Communication: One of the keys to a successful relationship is good communication.  Recognize that you and your partner grew up in different family environments and, most likely, you each learned your style of communication in those environments.  If you were lucky enough to see good communication modeled for you by your parents, you're more fortunate than many people.  If not, you'll need to learn to improve your communication skills.  When you communicate anger or hurt, speak from your own experience rather than criticizing your partner (see my article: Improve Communication in Your Relationship: Eliminate the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling).

• Be Emotionally Supportive During Tough Times: It's easy to be in a relationship when things are going well, but when you're going through a rough patch, getting through it successfully means that you're each emotionally supportive of one another.  You're both pulling together and going in the same direction.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're having problems overcoming challenges, you're not alone.  Help is available to you.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek assistance from a licensed mental health professional who can help you to develop the tools and skills you need to overcome your problems.

When you're free from the obstacles that are holding you back, you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.