What Are the 5 Love Languages?

In his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Relationships That Last, Dr. Gary Chapman discusses the five most common ways that people give and receive love and affection.

What Are the 5 Love Languages?

What Are the 5 Love Languages?

According to Dr. Chapman, the five love languages include:

• Words of Affirmation 
• Quality Time
• Acts of Service
• Gifts
• Physical Touch

Although you might have more than one love language that's meaningful to you, you probably have a primary love language that is most important to you.

If your primary love language is:

• Words of Affirmation: You like to hear verbal acknowledgements of love and affection.  This includes hearing "I love you," compliments, words of appreciation, and words of encouragement.  Verbal and written messages of affection help you to feel loved, understood and appreciated.

• Quality Time: You feel loved and appreciated when your partner wants to spend time with you.  You like your partner to be an active listener and be fully present with you.  You also like to have meaningful conversations without distractions.

• Acts of Service: You believe that actions speak louder than words, and you like to be shown how much your partner cares for you.  You value your partner doing things that make your life easier. This might include your partner doing extra housework, taking the children after you've spent the whole day with them, going grocery shopping and so on.  

• Gifts: You feel most loved when your partner gives you meaningful gifts that are symbolic of their love for you.  For you, it's not about the value of the gift--it's about the thought behind the gift, and you're moved when your partner has made a thoughtful, deliberate choice about a gift that is just right for you.  

• Physical Touch: You feel loved when your partner gives you physical signs of affection, including holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, and having sex.  For you, physical touch is a powerful way to connect emotionally as well as physically.

It's not at all unusual for individuals in a relationship to each have different needs when it comes to how they want to experience their partner's love.  So, it's important to be able to understand and communicate your own needs as well as understand and give to your partner based on their needs.  

Next Article in This Series:

In my next article, I'll discuss how to give and receive love based on your own and your partner's love language: What to Do If You and Your Partner Have Different Love Languages.

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people don't know how to identify and communicate what they need to their partners.  Often this is because they didn't get what they needed when they were younger, so they're not used to having their needs met.  

Other people, who might have grown up in childhood homes where family members didn't express love or affection, feel uncomfortable expressing or receiving love.  

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome these obstacles so you can give and receive love.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping clients to overcome these obstacles.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.