The Potential Long Lasting Impact of Trauma

While it's important for everyone to be able to speak up when they are being touched inappropriately, it's mostly a problem for women which I'm addressing in this article.

Why Do Some Women Have Problems Speaking Up When They Are Touched Inappropriately?

There can be many individual reasons why women don't speak up, but the main reasons are fear retaliation, fear of escalation and social conditioning that prioritizes being polite over taking care of oneself.

Speaking Up

In addition, internalized shame and guilt and the societal stigma that often blames the victim instead of holding the perpetrator accountable (e.g., "Look what she was wearing. What did she expect?").

Many women also fear that they will not be believed or they will be seen as overreacting. 

All of these issues create barriers to women speaking up when someone is touching them inappropriately.

In addition, many women experience an internal freeze response where they feel immobilized by the shock of what is happening to them.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates these issues and how therapy can help:

Ina

When Ina was 20, she came home from college to visit her family during a holiday break.

Her parents invited family friends, Jack and Betty, over for dinner. This was a couple that Ina had known since she was a young child.

After dinner, while everyone else was in the kitchen, Ina was alone with Jack. She noticed Jack starring at her breasts. At first, she thought she imagining it--until he walked over to her and grabbed her breast.

Shocked and speechless, Ina stood frozen there after Jack walked away not knowing what to say or do.  She never would have imagined that Jack would ever touch her inappropriately.

After she got over the initial shock, she couldn't decide what to do when the everyone else came back into the dinning room. So, not knowing what to do, she did nothing, but she didn't feel good about it.

When she was a young child, her parents would leave her with a neighbor, Don, next door who was also a family friend.  Most of the time, Don played with her and told her stories, but sometimes he undressed her and touched her all over her body. 

During those times when Don touched her, Ina froze. When she got the courage to tell her mother about it, her mother didn't believe her. She told Ina that she must be imagining things (see my article: Overcoming Childhood Sexual Abuse).

It wasn't until her parents heard from another neighbor that Don molested another child  their that they realized he was a child molester. So, they stopped allowing Don to babysit for them, but they never confronted Don or reported the incident to the police.

After the incident with Jack, when Ina went back to college, she felt so confused and angry about the incident that she sought counseling at the college counseling office. 

The counselor validated Ina's experience and recommended a trauma therapist off campus who had experience helping clients to work through trauma.

Using a combination of trauma therapies, EMDR and IFS, the trauma therapist helped Ina to work through the recent incident and the childhood incidents (see my article: Combining EMDR Therapy and IFS Parts Work Therapy).

The work was neither quick nor easy, but Ina felt empowered by it and she felt she could assert herself if it ever happened again (see my article: How Can Trauma Therapy Help You With Unresolved Trauma?).

Ina also had a talk with her parents about what happened with Jack as well as the childhood incidents with Don. Her parents expressed shock about Jack and remorse, regret for not believing her when she was a child as well as regret for not realizing that Jack was capable of sexual assault.

Over time, Ina and her parents gradually worked to repair their relationship.

Tips That Might Be Helpful:

Every situation will be different but, in general, the following tips might be helpful depending upon your particular situation:

• Establish Distance: If someone is touching you inappropriately, move away from the person immediately. If you are in a crowded place, like a subway, try to create a physical barrier with the other person by using a bag or another person. 

Speaking Up

• Speak Up in a Loud Tone: Silence often encourages harassers. Use a firm, loud voice to say things like, "Stop touching me!" or "Don't touch me!" This draws attention to the incident and can shame the person into stopping.

• Be Direct and Firm: Avoid being polite if you feel unsafe. Use clear commands like, "Remove your hand immediately!" or "I don't know you. Get away from me!"

• Seek Help From Others: If you are in a public place, alert others by saying, "This man is touching me without my permission." You can also ask for help from a specific person, like a subway conductor, police officer or, if you are outside, from a shopkeeper.

• Report the Incident: If the incident occurs at work, report the incident to the HR department. Document the time, date and details of what happened. There are also laws from the NYC Human Rights Department and City, State or Federal EEOC that are designed to protect you.

• Reconsider a Relationship If Your Partner Doesn't Respect Your Boundaries: Healthy relationships require respect for personal boundaries. If your partner doesn't respect your "no", it's a troubling sign and a reason to seek support or to end the relationship.

• Recognize That Prior Trauma Might Cause You to Freeze, So Get Help in Trauma Therapy: As in the example above, prior unresolved trauma can create a freeze response so don't be hard on yourself. Get help in trauma therapy so you can process unresolved trauma. 

Conclusion

Problems with speaking up when someone is touching them is mostly a problem for women due to the reasons mentioned above.

Worldwide approximately 30% of women are subjected to sexual assault and this number might under estimate the problem.

Men Are Also Subject to Inappropriate Touch

According to the latest statistics, approximately 3% of men are subjected to sexual assaulted, so this is not exclusively a problem for women.

If you have been sexually assaulted, you are not alone. 

You can contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

Get Help in Therapy

Being touched inappropriately in any situation is a violation of your personal boundary.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you are struggling with issues related to being inappropriately touched in the past or in your current life, you can benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), AEDP, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Avoidance of 1ntimacy Turns Into Emotional Distance in Relationships

One of the most common reasons why couples seek help in couples therapy is due to lack of emotional and sexual intimacy (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?).

Sexual Avoidance Turns Into Emotional Distance

Why Do Couples Avoid Emotional and Sexual Intimacy?

Emotional and sexual avoidance is a complex issue with many possible causes including relational and psychological issues.

Sexual avoidance creates relationship distance by transforming lack of sexual avoidance into emotional detachment. 

Sexual Avoidance Turns Into Emotional Distance

Sexual avoidance is rarely just about sex. It often involves relational, emotional, psychological and behavioral factors. For some couples, it can include physical and medical factors.

Sexual avoidance and emotional distance often stem from one or both partners feeling the need to protect themselves from against vulnerability and pressure. 

Sexual Avoidance Turns Into Emotional Distance

This can set up a cycle where an avoidant partner pulls away and the other partner feels rejected, anxious and lonely.

Here are some of the most common reasons for sexual avoidance and emotional distance:

Relational Issues:

• Communication problems
  

• Lack of trust
  

• Power struggles
  

• Mismatched libido (also known as desire discrepancy)
  

• Lack of relationship satisfaction

• Other unresolved problems

Emotional and Psychological Issues:

Unresolved trauma for one or both partners including:

• A history of sexual abuse
  

• A history of sexual assault

• Anxiety including

• Performance anxiety
  

• Painful sex
  

• General anxiety
  

• Low self esteem
  

• Body image issues
  

• Negative conditioning including strict cultural or religious beliefs that associate sex with guilt and shame (see my article: Overcoming Shame and Guilt Due to Cultural Issues).

Physical or Medical Conditions

• Chronic pain

• Cardiovascular problems

• Diabetes

• Hormonal imbalances including low testosterone

Behavioral Patterns

• An obsessive avoidance of sexual intimacy

• A tendency to detach emotionally or feel unsafe with closeness

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy where individuals or couples seek help (see my article:    What is Sex Therapy?).

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy does not include any nudity or sex during therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).

Individuals and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: What Are Common Reasons Why Individuals and Couples Seek Help in Sex Therapy?).

Not all couples therapists have training as sex therapists so it's important to ask whether or not a couples therapist is a certified sex therapist.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who ia a certified sex therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What is Sexual Self Esteem?

What is Good Sex?

Creating Sexual Desire With the Simmer Technique? 

How Can Unresolved Trauma Affect Your Ability to Know Whether You Feel Emotionally Safe?

In my prior article, Recognizing When You're Safe or Unsafe in Your Interpersonal Relationships, I discussed basic issues about feeling emotionally safe based on your nervous system (Polyvagal Theory), personal history and other relevant factors.

In the current article I'm discussing how trauma can affect your ability to know whether you feel emotionally safe.

Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Safety

Unresolved trauma can have a profound effect on your mind and body. It can also impair your ability to know whether you're safe or not.

What is Psychological Trauma?

Before I discuss the impact of trauma, let's first define trauma.

You can experience trauma emotionally, psychologically and physically due to a distressing event (or events) that overwhelm your ability to cope.

The event can be a single incident like a natural disaster, a robbery, an assault or other types of one-time events (see my article: What is Shock Trauma?).

Trauma can also be ongoing events such as recurrent abuse in a relationship. It can also be related to repeated traumatic events in childhood trauma, also known as developmental trauma.

You can also be impacted by the chronic stress related to trauma on a physical level including:

• Sleep problems
• Chronic pain
• Hypervigilance
• Cardiovascular issues
• Weakened immune system
• Digestive problems
• Inflammatory disorders such as Type 2 diabetes, asthma, arthritis and so on

How Can Unresolved Trauma Affect Your Ability to Know Whether You Feel Safe?

Unresolved trauma can affect your ability to sense safety by keeping you in a constant state of high alert (also known as hypervigilance). This can make it difficult to interpret safe situations from dangerous situations.

Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Safety

Unresolved trauma can also create dissociation where you feel emotionally and psychologically numb. 

Dissociation might have been an effective survival strategy if you were overwhelmed by distressing events when you were a child because it kept you from being completely overwhelmed. However, as an adult, dissociation can have a negative impact on your ability to trust your own judgment or trust other people.

Being either hypervigilant or emotionally numb (dissociated) can impair your ability to know if certain situations are safe or unsafe.

In general, you might have problems connecting with others and forming healthy relationships because you might interpret safe situations as unsafe and unsafe situations as safe.

You might have extreme emotional reactions to relatively small stressors, not react to big stressors or you might have difficulty finding a middle ground.

Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Safety

Unresolved trauma can also impair your ability to deal with conflict. Whereas most people don't like conflict, you might not be able to avoid certain conflicts in your relationships. 

So, if you can't deal with conflict, you might resort to people pleasing (also known as fawning) to avoid conflict and keep the peace--even if it comes at the expense of your  psychological, emotional or physical well-being.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette is a composite of many different cases to protect confidentiality:

Anna

As an only child, Anna grew up in a family where she experienced emotional abuse, neglect and sexual abuse by her father.  

Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Safety

The sexual abuse began when she was 10 years old. At the time, her mother was in and out of the hospital due to serious chronic health problems. 

During those long stretches of time when her mother was away, her father, who had alcohol problems, would get drunk and come into her room late at night when Anna was sleeping. She would awaken suddenly to discover her father fondling her breasts.  

Not knowing how to respond, Anna froze and her father told her that if she told anyone else that he touched her, she would take her away by Child Welfare and they would make live with strangers in a foster care home.

Anna was frightened and confused by her father's inappropriate touching, but she was even more afraid of being forced to live with strangers, so she didn't tell anyone what was happening at home.

Her teacher noticed that Anna was withdrawn and she spoke to Anna after class to ask her if there was a problem at home. In response, Anna denied any problems at home because she was afraid. After that, Anna's teacher called her home and Anna's father told the teacher that Anna was feeling sad due to the mother's hospitalization.

The father continued to sexually abuse Anna for several months whenever he got drunk. After the first experience, Anna was hypervigilant at night, especially when she heard her father's footsteps approaching her room.  After a while, Anna pretended to be asleep and she numbed herself while her father was touching her. 

After Anna's maternal aunt came to stay with Anna and her father, her father no longer visited her at night.  

As a child, Anna never told anyone about the sexual abuse because she was too afraid. But when she began dating in college, she didn't know how to discern safe situations from unsafe situations.

Her lack of discernment created problems for her because she would sometimes put herself at potential risk by going into the cars of young men she didn't know because she thought she could trust them. In one incident, she was almost sexually assaulted, but her friends, who were nearby, heard Anna yelling and they rushed over to get her out of the car.

In another situation, she was too afraid to accept an invitation to go for a walk with another young man, John, because she didn't know whether or not she could trust him.  Later on, she spoke with her friends, who knew John well, and they told they didn't think she needed to worry.

Over time, Anna continued to see John and she realized she could trust him. Getting to the point where she could trust him wasn't easy. But after they got into a relationship and they talked about being sexual, Anna felt an overwhelming fear of sex. 

Initially, she didn't understand what her fear was about, but she knew she needed help, so she sought out a licensed mental health professional.

Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Safety

After her therapist did a thorough family history, Anna revealed the childhood sexual abuse. It was the first time she had ever told anyone.

Her therapist helped Anna to understand the connection between the sexual abuse and her inability to discern whether she was safe or not in interpersonal relationships. She also helped her to understand the connection between her fear of sex and the abuse.

Using a combination of EMDR therapy and IFS Parts Work therapy, her therapist helped Anna to work through her unresolved trauma.

EMDR and IFS are both safe and effective types of trauma therapy which were developed to help clients to work through unresolved trauma.

Unresolved Trauma and Emotional Safety

The work was neither quick nor easy but, gradually, over time Anna began to feel unburdened by her trauma. She also learned in her trauma therapy how to detect internal and external cues to discern safe situations from possibly unsafe situations.

Over time, Anna and John were able to have pleasurable sex as she worked through her trauma. 

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Unresolved trauma can impair your ability to know whether you're safe. It can also have a negative impact on your interpersonal relationships.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy, including EMDR, Parts Work therapy, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and other types of trauma therapy can help you to work through unresolved trauma in a safe and effective way.

If you feel unresolved trauma has had a negative impact in your life, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has advanced trauma therapy training and skills.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adult and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at 917-742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Setting Boundaries: How to Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Family

I began a discussion about enmeshment in an earlier article, Overcoming Shame in an Enmeshed Family.

Overcoming Enmeshment in Your Family

Topics in the Current Article

In the current article, I'm covering:

• What is Enmeshment?
• What Causes Enmeshment in Families?
• How to Overcome Enmeshment
• Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome Enmeshment

What is Enmeshment?

If you grew up in an enmeshed family you probably had at least some of the following issues:

• There was a lack of physical and emotional boundaries.

• There was a tendency to focus on what's best for other family members and not what's best for you.

• You put other family members' happiness above your own.

Overcoming Enmeshment in Your Family

• You feel guilt and shame, as an adult, if you put your needs above other family members. For instance,  you might not want to call your mother every week, but you feel guilty and ashamed if you don't because you know she wants you to call weekly.

• Your family's self worth is dependent upon your success.

• Your family expects you to share everything about your life--even things you might want to keep private. They get offended if you say something in your life is private.

• Your family might have imposed their ideas on you when you were a young adult instead of encouraging you to follow your own hopes and dreams. If you wanted to follow your own aspirations, they felt offended and you felt guilty and ashamed.

• Parents in enmeshed families tend to treat their children like friends instead of children because there is a lack of boundaries.

• You tend to avoid conflicts, even now as an adult, because you have difficulty setting limits.

• You lack a strong sense of who you are.

• You absorb other people's emotions around you because you lack appropriate boundaries (this is different from being an empath).

What Causes Enmeshment in Families?

Enmeshment usually develops in dysfunctional families and repeats the pattern from one generation to the next (see my article: 

Overcoming Enmeshment in Your Family

It can be difficult to pinpoint when an enmeshed family dynamic started since it might go back generations and family members often have little to no awareness about the enmeshment.

Enmeshment often develops due to unresolved trauma, mental health problems, substance abuse, compulsive gambling or other related issues.

What is the Impact of Enmeshment in Adult Relationships?

The following characteristics are common for adults who grew up in enmeshed families?

• Low self esteem
  

• Anxiety
  

• Fear of abandonment
  

• Being out of touch with your feelings

• Feeling burdened by guilt and shame

Overcoming Enmeshment in Your Family

• An overdeveloped sense of responsibility

• Poor personal boundaries

• Difficulty setting boundaries with others

• Codependency
  

• Difficulty with assertiveness

• Difficulty with emotional regulation 

• Difficulty calming or soothing yourself emotionally

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates the negative impact of enmeshed family dynamics and how psychotherapy can help:

Maria

Maria grew up in crowded family home where she shared a bed with her two older sisters. She had no privacy. 

When Maria was 15 years old, her oldest sister found Maria's diary, she read it to their parents, grandparents and siblings and they laughed at what Maria wrote about feeling sad.

Her parents and grandparents invalidated her feelings and told her she had nothing to feel sad about since she had a roof over her head, food and clothing.  They told her that only someone who had something terrible to hide from the family would even want to write in a diary.  Then, her father tore up her diary and threw it in the garbage. He told her she should be ashamed of herself for what she wrote.

When she turned 16 years old, Maria's maternal uncle, who came to live with her family, began touching her inappropriately when no one was around. He told her that he would hurt her sisters if she told anyone about the sexual abuse (see my article: Overcoming the Trauma of Sexual Abuse).

One day her mother happened to come home early and she found her brother touching Maria's breasts. She threw her brother out of the house and she also blamed Maria for the sexual abuse.  

She told Maria it was her fault that the uncle touched her inappropriately. Then, she made Maria promise not to tell Maria's father because she feared what he might do to the uncle if he found out.

When it was time for Maria to choose a major in college, her parents insisted that she become a teacher--even though Maria wanted to become a medical doctor. Her parents told her that women shouldn't become doctors because they would have to see men's naked bodies and this was shameful for a woman.

Maria was upset that her parents were trying to force her to choose a career she didn't want so she sought help from a professor who referred her to the college counseling center.  

In counseling, Maria learned to set boundaries with her family--even though they didn't like it and they threatened to stop paying her tuition.

Overcoming Enmeshment in Your Family

Her counselor helped Maria to get a scholarship and a room in a dorm so she could live independently from her family.  She took pre-med courses and, eventually, she went to medical school.

While she was in medical school, she sought help from a trauma therapist so she could deal with the impact of her enmeshed family, including the sexual abuse.

Even though her family didn't like that Maria was making her own decisions and setting boundaries with them, they accepted it reluctantly.  

While she was in medical school, Maria met her husband-to-be and she learned to have a healthy relationship with him with the tools she learned in therapy.

How to Overcome Enmeshment

To become a mature adult, children need to learn to become their own person at stages that are appropriate for their development at the time.  This is part of the individuation process.

Individuation means being your own person and not just an extension of your parents and other family members.

When you are appropriately individuated from your family, you can maintain your relationships with them with appropriate boundaries. You also learn how to be your own person physically, emotionally and psychologically.

To overcome enmeshment, you need to learn to:

• Set appropriate boundaries with family members (see my article: How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt).

• Discover who you are as an individual apart from your family.

• Learn to stop feeling ashamed and guilty if what's right for you might make your family unhappy.

• Get help in therapy when trying to overcome enmeshment becomes too challenging.

Getting Help in Therapy

Overcoming enmeshment can be challenging.

Getting Help in Therapy

A licensed mental health professional with the right expertise can help you to develop the skills you need to overcome enmeshment and develop healthier relationships.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled psychotherapist so you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapy.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome trauma, including enmeshed relationships.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Arousal Non-Concordance and a History of Sexual Abuse

In an earlier article, I wrote about arousal non-concordance to explain what it is and to normalize it as a common experience for many people (see my article: What is Arousal Non-Concordance?).

Arousal Non-Concordance and a History of Sexual Abuse

What is Arousal Non-Concordance?

Arousal non-concordance occurs when there is a disconnect between how someone feels physically and how they feel emotionally and psychologically.

Arousal non-concordance can occur when someone feels physically aroused, but they don't want to have sex. 

It can also occur when someone wants to have sex, but they don't feel physically aroused.

What is the Difference Between Sexual Desire and Sexual Arousal?

Arousal non-concordance highlights the difference between feeling sexual desire and sexual arousal.  

Sexual desire is a psychological state. It's a state of mind which is often described as being "in the mood" to have sex.  Desire is often influenced by thoughts, emotions and the particular context a person is in.

Sexual arousal is a physical response which can include changes in erection and lubrication. 

Sexual arousal is often triggered by visual or physical cues or memories.

Sexual desire and sexual arousal often go together--but not always. This is evident with arousal non-concordance.

Examples of Arousal Non-Concordance

The following short vignettes are just a few examples of arousal non-concordance:

• Liz and Jane: Liz feels sexually turned on when Jane kisses her. But when Jane touches Liz's genitals, she discovers Liz feels dry. As a result, Jane assumes Liz doesn't want to have sex so she stops kissing her. She assumes that if Liz was turned on, she would be lubricated. So, Liz tells Jane that, even though she's not wet, she really wants Jane, so they continue to kiss and make love.

• Mary and Bill: Bill touched Mary's genitals and she knew this meant he wanted to have sex. But she had a headache and she wasn't in the mood. She told Bill that she loves him, but she would rather wait until the morning to have sex after her headache goes away. Bill was confused and said to Mary, "You're so wet. I don't understand how you're not in the mood." Mary explained to him that her body was sexually aroused, but she wasn't  desiring sex at that moment. By the morning, Mary's headache was gone away and she and Bill enjoyed sex.

• John and Ed: John and Ed were in bed when John told Ed that he wanted to have sex. But during foreplay Ed noticed that John wasn't getting an erection so he stopped kissing and touching him because he assumed that John didn't desire him. At that point, John explained that, even though he really desired Ed a lot, he sometimes had problems having an erection when he was anxious. He said he just needed to relax. So after they cuddled for a while, John felt calmer and he was able to have an erection.

Arousal Non-Concordance and Memories of Sexual Abuse

Arousal non-concordance can occur under many circumstances, including while having memories of sexual abuse (see my article: Overcoming the Trauma of Sexual Abuse).

Arousal Non-Concordance and Memories of Sexual Abuse

The concept of arousal non-concordance is important to understand when there is a history of sexual abuse.

Many children and adults, who were sexually abused, might have felt physically aroused when they were being abused--even though they had no desire to be sexual with their abuser. 

This happens because the body can become sexually aroused even though the person has no desire to have sex (see my article: Coping With Trauma: Managing Sexual Abuse Triggers).

It's common for people who were sexually abused to get confused about why they get physically aroused with these memories because they don't know about arousal non-concordance. They feel like there's something wrong with them or they were to blame for the sexual abuse. But, in fact, there's nothing wrong with them at all and they're not to blame.

Everyone is different. Some people who were abused feel ashamed and guilty about getting aroused by the memories.

Other people accept their arousal as a common experience and they're not bothered by it.  

Other people incorporate their earlier experience in a roleplay with a partner to feel empowered. In other words, when the original experience occurred, they had no control over what was happening to them. But in a roleplay with a partner they use their imagination to feel in control and they experience a different outcome. 

In that sense, the roleplay becomes healing for them.

Getting Help in Therapy

Most licensed mental health professionals have no sex therapy training and don't understand arousal non-concordance.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you want to work through issues around arousal non-concordance, including a history of trauma, you need to work with a psychotherapist who has training in both sex therapy and trauma therapy.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a psychotherapist who has the expertise you need so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

With over 20 years of experience, I have helped individual adults and couples to resolve sexual and/or trauma-related issues (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.