What is Transference in Relationships?

I discussed the topic of transference in prior articles as it relates to psychotherapy (see the list of articles at the end of this article).

In the current article, I'm focusing on transference in relationships.

Aside from the transference that clients experience in therapy, transference can also occur in everyday relationships, especially romantic relationships.

Transference in Relationships

In general, transference occurs on an unconscious level when you redirect feelings, attitudes and behavior from the past onto a person in your current life. These can be both positive and negative feelings.

Transference can cause you to react to someone in your current life as if they were someone from your past.  Transference tends to happen more in intimate relationships.

This often leads to misunderstandings in your relationship and emotional responses that don't belong to the present relationship.  This usually occurs because you have unresolved issues from the past that get played out in your relationship.

One of the keys to having healthier relationships is to recognize and understand when you're transferring these feelings and attitudes from the past into your present circumstances (see my article: Learning to Separate Then From Now).

What Does Transference Look Like in Relationships?

• Redirecting Feelings: You redirect feelings from the past onto your current partner. 

• Unconscious Behavior: When you redirect feelings from the past onto your partner, this happens on an unconscious level. For instance, let's say you grew up with a critical father when you were a child and, now that you're an adult, your partner tries to be supportive by making a suggestion about how you can do something in a better way. If you're experiencing transference for your partner, you could hear their suggestion as being critical when it's not. If so, you could experience unexplained anxiety, anger or resentment towards your partner--similar to what you felt towards your critical father. You might get confused about your feelings in the current circumstances because the trigger is outside of your awareness (see my article: Coping With Triggers).

Transference in Relationships

• Replaying Old Patterns: You can replay old patterns from the past in your current relationship and, over time, this leads to unhealthy dynamics between you and your partner.

• Intense Reactions: As mentioned above, reacting to your partner as if they were someone from your past can lead to disproportionate reactions in your current relationship (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Past).

How Can You Manage Transference in Your Current Relationship?

• Develop Awareness: Notice when your reactions seem out of proportion to the situation. Ask yourself:
• Why am I having such a strong reaction to my partner when they're trying to be supportive?
• Have I felt this way before?
• When have I felt this way before?
• What was happening in that past situation?
• How do these feelings from the past remain unresolved for me?

• Be Aware of the Differences Between the Past and the Present: Be aware of how your partner is different from the person in your past. This is often easier said than done when you're trying to do it on your own (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

• Separate the Past From the Present: Make an effort to separate your past self from your present self. For instance, recognize that you're no longer a child struggling with this issue when you experienced it in the past. Also, separate your partner as an individual from the person you reacted to in the past. 

Transference in Relationships

• Communicate: Once you realize you reacted to your partner as if they were someone from the past, communicate this openly to your partner. This can help your partner to understand why you had such a strong reaction towards them. It can also help you to express your feelings under the current situation (as opposed to the past). You can also get clarification from your partner as to what they were actually trying to communicate to you as opposed to what you thought they were saying.

• Seek Help in Therapy: A licensed mental health professional, who is a trauma therapist, can help you to explore the origins of these feelings, learn how to cope with them and, ultimately, learn how to work through whatever unresolved traumatic feelings you have from the past (see my article: Working Through Unsolved Trauma From the Past So It No Longer Affects You in the Present).

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality:

Jim

Jim and his wife, Tina, usually got along well. But whenever Jim heard Tina telling him how he could be more organized, no matter how kind and supportive she tried to say it, Jim experienced her comments as critical and he reacted angrily.

Transference in Relationships

Immediately after he reacted, he realized his reaction was out of proportion to what Tina was saying to him and he felt confused, guilty and ashamed. Then, he would apologize to Tina and tell her, "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I realize now you're trying to be supportive, but when you said it, I got angry."

Tina usually accepted Jim's apology, but after this occurred several times, she suggested he get help in therapy because she was fed up with his reactions. 

She told him, "I'm afraid to make any kind of suggestion to you, but now that you're calm again, I think you should get help in therapy because you keep having these big reactions and I'm getting fed up."

Jim realized that, even though he felt regret and remorse for overreacting, if he continued to react this way towards Tina, she might leave him. So, he obtained a referral from his primary care physician for psychotherapy.

Jim's doctor referred him to a trauma specialist.

After getting a thorough family history, the trauma therapist helped Jim to realize his reaction belonged to unresolved issues with his father. She told him he was reacting to Tina as if she was his critical father.

Jim told his therapist that his father had a hair trigger temper and whenever Jim made a mistake as a child, instead of trying to be supportive and helpful, his father would lose his temper and criticize Jim.

Jim recalled that, over the course of his childhood, his father yelled at him many times for small mistakes. His father also humiliated him in front of his friends and other family members which left Jim feeling ashamed, angry and upset.

Since Jim's father died, it was no longer possible for Jim to work out these issues with him. But Jim also knew that even if his father was still alive, his father wouldn't have been open to talking about it.

Over time, Jim's therapist helped him to work through his unresolved feelings from the past using EMDR and Parts Work Therapy. 

The work was neither quick nor easy, but Jim stuck with it because he wanted to save his marriage and he didn't want to continue to reacting in the present based on unresolved issues from the past.

As Jim learned to be aware of the present versus the past and to communicate better with Tina, their relationship improved.

By the time he completed trauma therapy, Jim felt relieved to no longer being carrying a burden from the past.

Conclusion

Transference occurs on an unconscious level when you redirect feelings, attitudes and behavior from the past to someone in your present life.

Transference can occur in any relationship including with your partner, a friend, a family member or your therapist.

Getting Help in Therapy

When you learn to distinguish your unconscious feelings in the present from your unresolved feelings from the past, you can develop a more conscious awareness of what's happening to you.

Although you might realize after you react that you're really reacting to some unresolved issue from the past, your awareness might not be enough to keep you from continually reacting this way.

A licensed mental professional, who is trained to help clients to work through unresolved trauma is called a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

A trauma therapist can help you to work through unresolved problems from the past so you're no longer getting triggered and overreacting with your partner.

Once you have worked through your unresolved problems, you can have a healthier relationship and live a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to work through unresolved traumatic issues.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

My Other Articles About Transference:

What is Transference in Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy and the Erotic Transference 

Boundary Violations in Therapy  

Psychotherapy and the Idealized Transference. 

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

Getting into a new relationship can be exciting and fun, but if you're bringing old wounds (also known as " emotional baggage") from a prior relationship into a new one, it can create a barrier to a trusting and genuine connection.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

What Does It Mean to Bring Old Wounds Into a New Relationship?

Old wounds from a prior relationship refers to unresolved issues including:

• Emotional issues
• Beliefs
• Habits

Examples of Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship:

• Mistrust: A person who was cheated on in a prior relationship can have difficulty trusting a new partner--even when there's no reason to mistrust them.

• Fear of Abandonment: A person who was left in an unexpected way can become clingy and overly anxious in a new relationship (see my article: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment in Trauma Therapy).

• Poor Self Esteem: A person who was criticized and put down in a prior relationship can feel unworthy of experiencing love in a new relationship.

• Making Comparisons: If a person constantly compares their new partner to their old partner, this can lead to unnecessary conflict in the new relationship (see my article: Comparisons and Judgment Are the Thieves of Joy).

• Hiding Emotions: A person who was hurt when their feelings were used against them might become emotionally guarded and hide their emotions in their new relationship.

What is the Negative Impact of Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

Bringing old wounds into a new relationship creates problems because it can:

• Create Trigger Loops: Past experiences of betrayal or abandonment can cause specific triggers in a new relationship. Your partner might react with anxiety or fear to something relatively minor in your relationship. For instance, if you're mostly on time but one time you're a few minutes late to meet, your partner might get triggered if a prior partner had a lateness problem (see my article: Coping With Triggers).

• Build Walls: Unresolved pain from a prior relationship can build walls in your new relationship. This makes it harder to trust, communicate openly and feel connected with each other (see my article: How Therapy Can Help Bring Down the Wall You've Built Around Yourself).

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

• Cause Fear: Old wounds can create a constant state of fear which isn't compatible with love. This fear can prevent you from being fully in the new relationship. It can also cause you to settle for less than what you deserve.

• Lead to Repeating Negative Patterns: If you don't resolve old issues from the past, you risk recreating them in the new relationship. If you mistake drama and chaos for love or find yourself in a negative cycle of conflict that feels familiar because it's the same negative patterns from the former relationship.

• Prevent You From Being Fully Present in the New Relationship: When you're constantly replaying old events from a former relationship, you're not fully present in the new relationship.  This can create distance in the new relationship and stop the new relationship from developing into a healthy connection.

• Distort Your Self Worth: Baggage from a prior relationship can make you question your sense of self worth. This can lead to accepting less than you deserve. It can also lead to sabotaging the new relationship.

• Prevents the New Relationship From Growing: If can be challenging to move forward when old baggage is holding you back.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

Here are some tips that might be helpful:

• Increase Self Awareness: Before you react, pause to identify what you're feeling and ask yourself if you're displacing old baggage onto the new relationship. Ask yourself if the situation might remind you of the hurt you experienced in a prior relationship. Are your feelings based on the past or the present situation? (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting).

• Stay in the Present: Stay in the present moment rather than getting lost in the past. Mindfulness and grounding techniques can help you to stay in the present.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

• Practice Self Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Recognize that everyone has insecurities and it can take time to heal from old wounds (see my article: Compassionate Self Acceptance).

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Communicate to your new partner what is acceptable to you and what isn't. 

• Communicate Openly: Use "I" statements to communicate with your partner without blaming your partner, For example: "I feel scared when you distance yourself from me and you stop talking. It brings up old feelings of when I felt abandoned as a child."

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

• Stop Comparing: Avoid comparing your new partner to your old partner. This is a new relationship and a new chapter in your life.

• Focus on Building Emotional Safety: Build emotional safety within your new relationship that includes active listening, emotional honesty and empathy (see my article: Creating a Safe Haven For Each Other).

• Get Professional Support: A skilled mental health professional can help you to process unresolved feelings from a prior relationship. She can also help you to develop healthier relationship patterns. 

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates how old wounds can affect a new relationship and how therapy can help:

Jack

When Jack and Beth started dating, they had a wonderful time together during the first few months. But by their fourth month together, as the relationship became more emotionally intimate, problems began to surface.

Jack ended a prior two year relationship only a few weeks before he started dating Beth. His prior relationship with Alice was contentious and chaotic. They argued a lot and Beth cheated on Jack.

Jack found out that Beth was cheating with another man when Beth left her computer open and Jack saw sexts from another man. At first, he was stunned.  They had agreed to be monogamous early in the relationship and, even though Jack had opportunities to cheat on Beth when he traveled for work, he never cheated.

When confronted about the texts, Beth admitted she had been talking to a man online, but they had never met in person. She described it as an emotional affair. She said she felt lonely because Jack was away so much for work.  

Neither of them had the necessary communication skills to talk about the emotional affair. Jack told Beth, "Let's put it behind us" and he refused to talk about it.  But he was never able to forgive Beth for cheating.

Over time, Jack's resentment created walls. Gradually they became more and more emotionally distant from each other. They also stopped having sex.

By the end of two years, they both agreed they were unhappy and they decided to end their relationship.

A few months later, Jack met Alice. As previously mentioned, initially their relationship was going well. But in their fourth month together, Jack became jealous whenever Beth had to work on a project with a male colleague, Joe.

Despite reassurance from Beth that there was nothing going on between her and her male colleague, Jack felt anxious and irritable whenever Alice spent time with Joe. He treated Alice like she was cheating--even though there was no evidence of this.

After a few arguments, Alice told Jack she thought he was comparing her to his former girlfriend, Beth and he needed to seek help in therapy to deal with his old wounds or their relationship wasn't going to work.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

When Jack thought about it, he realized Alice was right, so he sought help from a licensed mental health professional to work through his unresolved feelings about his prior relationship.

His therapist was a trauma therapist who helped Jack to heal old wounds using EMDR Therapy and Parts Work Therapy.

While he was working on healing his wounds, Jack also realized that the baggage he was bringing into his new relationship was also related to his childhood when his mother cheated on his father and they almost got a divorce. 

Even though his parents decided to stay together and "put it behind them", they never resolved their problems and they remained emotionally distant. Jack realized that he was repeating the same pattern because he was bringing his unresolved feelings into his relationship with Alice.

Jack's work in therapy was neither quick nor easy. Gradually, he healed his childhood wounds and the wounds he experienced in his relationship with Beth. 

When he made the connection between his old wounds and how he was treating Alice, he communicated openly with her about it.

As he continued to make connections in his trauma therapy, his relationship with Alice improved.

Conclusion

Old emotional wounds from your family of origin and prior relationships can have a negative impact on your current relationship.

Doing the work in therapy to work through old wounds can improve your relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How IFS Parts Work Therapy Can Help With Anxiety

Anyone who has ever had to deal with a high level of anxiety knows how unpleasant anxiety can be (see my article: Getting Help in Therapy For Anxiety).

IFS Parts Work Therapy Can Help With Anxiety

For a basic understanding of IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy, see the articles at the end of this blog post.

How Does IFS Help With Anxiety?

Rather than seeing anxiety as a flaw, from an IFS perspective, IFS teaches you to see anxiety as a part of yourself.

IFS therapists help clients with anxiety by teaching them to connect with their Core Self. 

According to IFS, the Core Self is innate in every person and consists of the 8 Cs:

• Calm
• Compassion (including self compassion)
• Curiosity
• Clarity
• Courage
• Confidence
• Creativity
• Connection

When you learn to connect with your Core Self, you can work with the various parts of yourself, including the anxious part, to understand the parts' intentions and help them to let go of the extreme roles they are in to reduce anxiety.

The intention of IFS isn't to do battle with your anxiety. Instead, the goal is to work with the anxious part so that you are emotionally balanced and mentally integrated.

This involves:

• Understanding the Parts: The main idea in IFS is that the mind is made up of a multiplicity of parts. Within your system of parts, you have parts that are "managers", "exiles" and "firefighters." An example of a manager might be a part who is a perfectionist who wants to do everything "perfectly" to prevent a future failure. An example of a firefighter part might be a part that uses alcohol to distract you and numb you from your emotions. An example of an "exile" is a young wounded part that carries shame from early trauma.

IFS Parts Work Therapy Can Help With Anxiety

• Identifying Triggers: An IFS therapist helps you to identify the triggers that activate the anxious part. An example of a trigger that activates anxiety might be a work deadline.

• Accessing Your Core Self: Core Self, as described above, is the "leader" of your parts. Your IFS therapist teaches you how to access your Core Self so that you can shift your perspective from seeing through your anxious part to gaining a balanced, centered and grounded perspective through Core Self.

• Communicating With Your Anxious Part: As you continue to develop skills in IFS, you also learn how to understand and dialog with your anxious part and any other part from the perspective of Core Self.  Your Core Self is the essence of who you are and, as such, Core Self is nonjudgmental and empathetic. Instead of battling your anxiety, you ask the anxious part of you what it's afraid of, how it's trying to protect you and what it needs.

• Releasing Burdens: By getting to the root of your anxiety, you help your anxious part to release the "burdens" it has been carrying. These are usually painful emotions or beliefs from past trauma. 

• Rebalancing the System: Once you are coming from the perspective of Core Self, Core Self can guide your parts to work together in a harmonious way. This reduces anxiety and helps the anxious part to develop a healthier role. Instead of being stuck in an extreme role, all your parts can work together to achieve your goals instead of remaining stuck in extreme protective roles.

Preparation in Therapy to Do IFS Parts Work to Overcome Anxiety

Just like any other therapy, when you do IFS to overcome anxiety, your IFS therapist can help you to develop a rapport with her. 

This is essential in any therapy, but it's especially important when doing the deep work involved in IFS because you need to trust your therapist. This isn't necessarily easy for people who have experienced trauma, especially if it involved family-related trauma (see my article: Can You Trust Your Therapist If You Couldn't Trust Your Family?).

IFS Parts Work Therapy Can Help With Anxiety

Your therapist will also provide you with psychoeducation to understand IFS so that you know what is involved before you work with her in IFS therapy.

If your anxiety is getting in the way of day-to-day functioning, your IFS therapist will assess what level of care you might need and if you need adjunctive mental health treatment or another level of treatment.

Assuming that IFS outpatient psychotherapy is right for you, your therapist will also ensure you have the necessary coping skills and internal resources before beginning IFS.

Doing Your Own Work Between Therapy Sessions

Your IFS therapist will probably suggest that you do your own work between therapy sessions to cope with anxiety.

This could include:

Journaling

Meditation

Using Grounding Techniques

Getting Help in IFS Therapy

IFS is an evidence-based therapy developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz.

Getting Help in IFS Therapy

IFS is used throughout the United States and in many parts of the world.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an IFS therapist so you can lead a meaningful life free from the effects of your history of trauma.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

My Other Articles About IFS:

How Does Parts Work Therapy, Like IFS and Ego States Therapy, Help You to Understand Yourself

Understanding the Different Parts of Yourself

Parts Work Therapy Can Be Empowering

Is an Unconscious Part of Yourself Running Your Life?

Relationships: Dealing With Your Partner's Trauma Triggers - Compassion vs Complacency

Many partners of trauma survivors struggle with their partner's trauma triggers. 

They tell me they don't know what to do to help their partner when their partner becomes triggered.

This article discusses how to avoid responding complacently and how to respond with compassion instead.

What is the Difference Between Compassion vs Complacency?

For someone dealing with their partner's trauma triggers, there is a big difference between compassion and complacency.

Dealing With a Partner's Trauma Triggers

Compassion means offering patient, empathetic support to a partner while complacency involves a harmful indifference or dismissal of a partner's symptoms or efforts to recover from trauma.

A compassionate response helps to establish safety and connection while a complacent response can lead to resentment, emotional detachment and a breakdown of trust.

Let's look at the differences between compassion and complacency in more detail:

Complacency: A Damaging Response

Complacency occurs when a partner stops putting an effort to understand and support a partner's healing journey. This often occurs because the partner who isn't traumatized becomes fatigued or resentful. 

Dealing With a Partner's Trauma Triggers

This can take a heavy toll on the relationship because the partner with trauma feels unseen, unheard, unsafe and alone.

Signs of Complacency:

• Minimizing Your Partner's Feelings: Saying "It's not that big a deal" or "You're making a big deal out of nothing" invalidates a traumatized partner's experience

• Taking a Partner's Triggers Personally: Viewing a partner's trauma triggers as a personal attack, which leads to resentment and defensive behavior

Dealing With a Partner's Trauma Triggers

• Ignoring Triggers: A partner who refuses to adjust their behavior or the environment to accommodate a partner's needs which violates the traumatized partner's safety

• Withdrawing Emotionally: Becoming emotionally distant or apathetic to a partner's emotional needs which leads to emotional disconnection and a breakdown in communication

• Taking a Partner For Granted: A lack of affection and appreciation, as if the traumatized partner's presence is guaranteed which can make feelings of abandonment and worthlessness worse

Compassion - A Supportive Response

A compassionate partner tries to understand the origins of their partner's trauma response instead of reacting defensively to triggered behavior.  

Dealing With a Partner's Trauma Triggers

This approach helps to regulate a traumatized partner's nervous system and offers a steadying presence.

Signs of Compassion:

• Active Listening and Emotional Validation: Listening without judgment, "That sounds difficult. I'm here for you."

Dealing With Your Partner's Trauma Triggers

• Educating Yourself: Take the initiation to learn about trauma's effects on the brain and behavior to gain insight and perspective 

• Creating a Safe Environment: Work together to identify triggers and create a plan for when triggers occur. This might include agreed-upon actions or a "safe word" to use during moments of high distress

• Respecting Boundaries: Honor a traumatized partner's needs for space or control, which is essential for trauma survivors who might have had their boundaries violated

• Patience: A recognition that healing from trauma isn't a linear process and there will be ups and downs along the way (see my article: Progress in Therapy Isn't Linear).

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates how a partner shifts his behavior from a complacent to a compassionate stance:

Ed and Mary

Before they moved in together, Ed was aware that Mary had been sexually abused as a child, but her triggers became more evident once they were living together.

Ed had a favorite TV police program he liked to watch where the characters in the program were regularly sexually abused as part of the story. 

He couldn't understand why Mary got so triggered whenever he watched the program when she was around. He felt annoyed when Mary said she needed to stop watching the program because she felt like she was about to have a panic attack.

Ed would tell Mary, "Why are you getting so upset? It's only a TV show." 

He also felt Mary was trying to control him whenever she left the room when that program was on, "You need to get over these triggers. Your abuse happened a long time ago. Why are you being so dramatic?'

At her wit's end, Mary invited Ed to attend one of her trauma therapy sessions so her therapist could help Ed to understand and empathize with Mary's trauma reactions.

Dealing With Your Partner's Trauma Triggers

Afterwards, Ed felt ashamed and guilty for his behavior. He told Mary that she was more important to him than any TV program and he wouldn't watch the program when she was around.

He also sought to understand what happened to Mary by asking her questions, which helped to increase his compassion for her.

Over time, Ed noticed that Mary was healing and he validated the hard work she was doing in trauma therapy.

Gradually, Ed's compassion and emotional support for Mary helped to bring them closer together.

Conclusion

A complacent response to a partner's trauma is damaging for the traumatized partner and the relationship.

Dealing With Your Partner's Trauma Triggers

Being compassionate and understanding can support your partner's healing journey.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist

As a Trauma Therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to heal from trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

I'm discussing  triggers from a different perspective than how I usually discuss them as a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

What Are Triggers?

Therapists, especially trauma therapists, tend to focus on trauma triggers because it's helpful for traumatized clients to know how to recognize and cope with triggers. But it's also important to recognize happiness triggers to add to the quality of your life.

Although the word "trigger" tends to have a negative connotation, psychologically speaking, triggers are neither negative or positive. Triggers are experiences that evoke memories. 

What Are Happiness Triggers?

Happiness triggers refers to rituals and routines we engage in to tap into positive memories and cultivate positive experiences.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

The term "happiness triggers" is usually associated with Valorie Burton, life coach, author and motivational speaker.

What Are the Benefits of Discovering Your Happiness Triggers?

Discovering your happiness triggers can be a way of starting new positive habits because these triggers are associated with positive experiences and they can motivate you to develop positive habits.

Happiness triggers can also serve as an anchor in your life.

When happiness triggers evoke positive experiences, they access positive memories that are neurochemically wired in your brain.  

Happiness triggers can also help to pull you out of a funk when you're feeling low.

How to Develop Happiness Triggers

Happiness triggers are based on individual experiences, memories, needs, interests and values so they will be unique for each person.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

To discover your own unique happiness triggers, start by thinking about the small things in your life in the present or in the past that lift your mood and energy. It can be as simple as the ritual of having your morning coffee or tea, listening to your favorite podcast, taking a walk in the park and so on.

If you're still unsure, practice being present in the moment to experiences that bring you joy. Pay attention to your bodily experiences when you experience memories that were joyful or  evoke a sense of well-being.

Happiness Triggers Require Practice

Once you have discovered your unique happiness triggers, you need to practice them over and over again in order to develop them into positive habits.

These new habits can include behavioral, cognitive (thinking) or emotional triggers.

Behavioral Happiness Triggers

Behavioral happiness might include:

• Exercising

• Yoga
  

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

• Going for a walk in nature

• Dancing

• Listening to music

• Performing an act of kindness for someone

• Reading a favorite book

• Engaging in a favorite hobby

Cognitive (Thinking) Happiness Triggers

Cognitive happiness triggers might include:

• Reframing negative thoughts with positive self talk or affirmations

• Making friends with your inner critic

• Recalling and re-experiencing positive memories and experiences

• Practicing mindfulness meditation
  

Emotional Happiness Triggers

• Practicing gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal

• Practicing acceptance and self compassion

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

• Engaging your five senses (sight, sound, taste, smell and touch)

• Getting a massage

• Getting a manicure

• Playing a sport

• Connecting or reconnecting with a friend or loved one

Conclusion

Developing and practicing happiness triggers can increase your sense of joy and well-being.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

You can also discover happiness triggers by connecting to your inner world and connecting to a loved one to discover what is most meaningful and fulfilling to you.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.