Posts
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is important for maintaining relationships (see my article: How to Develop Emotional Intelligence.
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| The Importance of EQ in Your Relationship |
In this article I'm focusing on why being emotionally intelligent is important in committed relationships.
Why is Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Important in Committed Relationships?
Let's start by understanding the characteristics of emotional intelligence.
As I mentioned in my prior article, emotional intelligence includes:
- Developing self awareness
- Developing an awareness about your partner with empathy and emotional attunement
- Managing your emotions
- Picking up on social cues from your partner
- Maintaining long term relationships
Now, let's look at each component of emotional intelligence in terms of a committed relationship.
Developing Self Awareness and An Empathetic Awareness of Your Partner:
Before you even enter into a committed relationship, a high level of EQ helps you to distinguish lust (or infatuation) from a intimate loving relationship (see my article: 7 Signs Your Relationship is Based on Lust and Not Love).
When you love someone, you're no longer focused on the thrill of the chase (see my article: 12 Telltale Signs You're in a Relationship With a Womanizer).
When you have self awareness, you know your strengths and challenges and where you need to improve for your personal growth.
You also recognize how what you say and do impacts your partner emotionally, physically and mentally.
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| The Importance of EQ in Your Relationship |
You know how to express your feelings, including uncomfortable feelings, to your partner and you also know how to listen to your partner when they are telling you things that might be uncomfortable (see my article: Improving Communication in Your Relationship: How to Change a Pattern of Defensive Behavior).
You don't allow anger or resentment to fester because you know it will have an negative impact on your relationship.
Through your active awareness and empathy, you're emotionally attuned to your partner, you understand the impact you have on your partner and where you might need to make changes.
Your self awareness and emotional attunement to your partner allows you to assess what is and isn't working in your relationship and you're not afraid to deal with these issues with your partner to make changes.
Since you're aware that emotional vulnerability is esssential for emotional and sexual intimacy, you have a comfort level with your partner so you can express your vulnerable feelings (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Emotional and Sexual Intimacy).
Managing Your Emotions
You're aware of your emotions.
You know how to manage your emotions in a health way by neither suppressing your emotions, expressing them in an unhealthy way or by stonewalling.
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| The Importance of EQ in Your Relationship |
You know when you might need to take a break from a discussion to calm yourself before you say or do things you'll regret.
If you and your partner are stuck in a negative cycle, you're aware of your part in the cycle and you work towards making positive changes (see my article: Breaking the Negative Cycle in Your Relationship).
Picking Up on Social Cues From Your Partner
Picking up on social cues from your partner includes:
- Paying attention to your own and your partner's body language
- Understanding your partner's gestures
- Making eye contact with your partner
- Paying attention to your own and your partner's tone and pitch when you're speaking to each other
Developing a Comfort Level For Change in Your Relationship
Change can be difficult, but a healthy relationship requires change periodically.
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| The Importance of EQ in Your Relationship |
Part of emotional intelligence is knowing when you and your partner need to make changes in the relationship and getting comfortable with working on those changes.
You're aware that for a relationship to thrive and grow, changes are often necessary.
Rather than avoiding change, your courage to make changes with your partner will help to keep the relationship healthy.
Getting Help in Couples Therapy
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a skill you and your partner can learn.
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| Getting Help in Couples Therapy |
As a couple, if you have been struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in working with couples. See my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples (EFT)?
By working on your relationship with a skilled couples therapist, you can have a happier, more meaningful relationship.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing, EFT and Sex Therapist.
With over 20 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome the obstacles to their happiness.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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