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Emotional safety is an essential part of any relationship.
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| Emotional Safety in a Relationship |
What is Emotional Safety?
Let's start by defining emotional safety.
Emotional safety is an embodied sense that you can be your true self without fear of judgment, rejection or retaliation.
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| Emotional Safety in a Relationship |
When you feel safe emotionally, your nervous system is calm. You're not in a state of fear. You feel open and comfortable with yourself and with your partner.
Emotional safety is the foundation of a healthy relationships and allows you to share your emotional needs.
Emotional safety also allows you to admit your mistakes because you feel respected and valued by your partner.
If you're in a relationship, you feel heard and validated for your feelings. Even when your partner might not feel the same way, they can understand why you feel like you do.
What Are the Key Elements of Emotional Safety?
- Vulnerability: As previously mentioned, you feel secure enough to talk about difficult topics, fears and insecurities without anticipating a negative reaction (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Emotional Intimacy).
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| Emotional Safety in a Relationship |
- Non-judgment: When expressed in a healthy way, your feelings are treated as being understandable as opposed to being "too much" or "wrong".
- Consistency: Being able to predict how your partner will respond helps your nervous system to relax rather than going into a fight, flight, freeze or fawn response.
- Healthy Boundaries: You're able to set healthy boundaries with your partner without your partner making you feel guilty or lashing out.
Why Does Emotional Safety Matter in a Relationship?
When you feel safe in your relationship, you can regulate your emotions and stay emotionally engaged with your partner.
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| Emotional Safety in a Relationship |
If you don't have emotional safety, you might feel hypervigilant, anxious or an urge to "walk on eggshells" to avoid conflict with your partner.
How Can You Build Emotional Safety in Your Relationship?
To build emotional safety, it's important to:
- Get Curious and Listen: Get curious and listen to your partner to understand rather than to defend or"fix" them (see my article: What is Active Listening?).
- Validate Each Other's Feelings: Acknowledge your partner's feelings--even if you don't agree or you don't feel the same way.
- Be Transparent: Make sure your actions match your words to build trust.
- Make Repairs: Own your mistakes in a timely manner and make an effort to reconnect with your partner.
Get Help in Couples Therapy
There are times when one or both partners have problems establishing and maintaining emotional safety due to prior traumatic experiences either as a child or in prior adult relationships (see my article: How Can Unresolved Trauma Affect Your Ability to Feel Safe?).
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| Get Help in Couples Therapy |
If emotional safety is an issue in your relationship, you and your partner could benefit from working with a couples therapist experienced in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (also known as EFT) can help you and your partner understand both of your unmet attachment needs and change negative dynamics in your relationship that keep you both stuck.
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in EFT couples therapy so you can have a more fulfilling relationship (see my article: Tips on How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy).
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.
I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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