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I wrote about the importance of aftercare in a prior article about BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sadism and Masochism), but aftercare isn't just for BDSM--it's important for non-BDSM encounters too, so I'm exploring that topic in this article.
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| Aftercare Shows You Care |
The concept of sexual aftercare began in the BDSM community and is now considered a common practice in conventional sex that does not include BDSM.
What is Sexual Aftercare?
There is no one-size fits all approach to sexual aftercare.
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| Aftercare Shows You Care |
Sexual aftercare is an essential part of sexual intimacy which helps to foster emotional connection and intimacy.
Sexual aftercare involves both physical and emotional care which often go together.
Physical aftercare can include:
- Cuddling
- Offering a gentle massage
- Sharing a blanket
- Hydrating or having a snack
- Tending to potential injuries that can occur during sex including scratches or bruises
- Showering together
- Taking a nap
- Reading together
- Listening to music
- Anything partners enjoy that maintains physical comfort and closeness
Emotional aftercare can include:
- Open, reassuring conversations between partners
- Discussing vulnerable feelings
Why is Sexual Aftercare Important?
Sexual aftercare is important for many reasons including that it:
- Helps each partner to relax and recover in a caring way
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| Aftercare Shows You Care |
- Shows mutual respect and appreciation
- Helps partners to feel secure
- Helps to ease partners to transition from sex to everyday life without feeling an abrupt change
- Helps the body to adjust to fading feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine which are released during sexual activity
- Helps to avoid postcoital dysphoria which is a condition that some people experience after sex which includes sadness, anxiety or distress
- Helps to prevent negative emotions where one or both partners can feel used, dismissed, unappreciated. Other people can experience guilt or shame if they don't engage in sexual aftercare
What Not to Do After Sex
- Avoid jumping out of bed immediately after sex to take a shower unless you and your partner have agreed to this beforehand. If you abruptly leave your partner after sex, your partner can feel alone and abandoned after such an intimate experience.
- If you feel sweaty and uncomfortable after sex, after you cuddle with your partner, you can use a warm wash cloth and offer one to your partner. You can also shower together so the showering becomes part of the sexual intimacy.
- Even if you and your partner have a casual friendship or relationship, don't treat your partner like a sexual object. Show them respect and care.
How to Set Up Sexual Aftercare Before Sex
- Clear communication with your partner is the key to having sexual aftercare that you and your partner can enjoy together.
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| Aftercare Shows You Care |
- Share information with your partner about your aftercare needs and find out what they prefer.
Conclusion
Sexual aftercare is an important part of sexual intimacy.
There is no right or wrong way to do sexual aftercare as long as it meets your needs and your partner's needs.
Getting Help in Sex Therapy
If you and your partner have been having sexual problems, you could benefit from talking to a sex therapist (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).
Individual adults and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: Why Do Individuals and Couples Seek Help in Sex Therapy).
Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy. There is no nudity or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article: Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy).
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a certified sex therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist).
I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Also See My Articles:
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