Understanding Your Core Self and Your Parts in IFS Parts Work Therapy

I have written about IFS (Internal Family Systems) Parts Work Therapy in prior articles (see links for these articles at the end of this article).

What is IFS Parts Work Therapy?

IFS is an evidence-based therapy approach to psychotherapy that views the human mind as made up of a complex system of parts that are led by an undamaged Core Self.

IFS Core Self, Managers, Firefighters and Exiles

Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS operates on the fundamental principle that there are "no bad parts". In other words, every part of yourself developed with a protective intention of helping you to survive.

What is the Structure of the Mind in IFS?

In IFS your mind consists of of a Core Self (also known as a True Self) and three distinct aspects:

The Core Self: 

The authentic, compassionate part of your being, the Core Self cannot be damaged by trauma. The qualities of the Core Self consist of the 8 Cs: 

• Calmness
• Curiosity
  
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Courage
• Clarity
• Creativity
• Connectedness
  

Exiles: 

Exiles are the wounded, vulnerable parts of your mind. They usually originate from childhood trauma which often carry painful emotions like shame, anxiety and loneliness. Exiles are often out of conscious awareness until they get triggered so that they might not cause you overwhelming pain. They are "managed" by Manager and Firefighter parts (see below). 

Common examples of exile parts include: 

• The Abandoned Child Part: This part carries a deep terrifying fear of being rejected, left behind or unloved.

• The Shamed Child Part: This part carries the core belief of being inherently defective, unlovable, ugly or not good enough.

Shamed Child Exile Part

• The Invisible Child: This part feels completely unseen, unheard, uncared for and unimportant to caregivers and peers.

• The Terrorized Part: This part stores the raw terror, helplessness and physical panic of a past traumatic event.

• The Neglected Part: This part experiences chronic emptiness and a painful longing for affection and care.

• The Judged Part: This part contains the harsh criticism, feeling constantly scrutinized and inadequate.

What Are Common Triggers That Activate Exiles?

• A partner not responding to a text immediately
• Receiving constructive feedback during a work review
• Feeling excluded from a social event or group chat 
• Experiencing a minor medical scare or physical injury

Managers: 

Proactive protectors that run your daily life, they help to keep you organized, controlled, safe by trying to ensure that Exile parts don't come to the surface and flood you with overwhelming pain. Examples of manager parts include: 

• The Inner Critic: Monitors and evaluates your behavior with harsh self-talk. It shames you internally as a maladaptive way to motivate. It aims to correct flaws before anyone else detects them and judges you (see my article: Making Friends With Your Inner Critic).

Inner Critic

• The Perfectionist: Sets impossibly high standards and demands flawlessness. This part believes that if your performance, appearance or work is completely "perfect", you will remain safe from failure, rejection or embarrassment (see my article: What is Perfectionism?).

The Perfectionist

• The People Pleaser/Caretaker: Prioritizes the emotions, comforts and needs of others over your own self-care. It seeks constant validation and smooths over external conflict to keep others happy, ensuring they never abandon you or reject you (Trauma and the People-Pleaser Part).

The People Pleaser/Caretaker

• The Planner/Controller: Attempts to micro-manager every aspect of your life, schedule and relationships. It obsesses over predictability and prepares for worst case scenarios to eliminate the danger of unforeseen emotional triggers. 

• The Achiever/Taskmaster: Drives relentless productivity and focuses heavily on success. It links your basic human worth to tangible output and accomplishments to shield you from feelings of inadequacy.

The Achiever/Taskmaster

• The Intellectualizer/Thinker: Relies strictly on logic, data and rational analysis. It acts as a cognitive shield, analyzing problems from a detached distance to explain away feelings and keep you from experiencing raw emotion.

• The Publicist/Image Manager: Carefully curates your words, physical presentation and external reputation. It ensures you always look highly competent, composed and successful to the outside world, masking any internal vulnerability (see my article: Confusing Your Curated Social Media Self With Your True Self).

• The Avoider/Passive Pessimist: Keeps a safe distance from emotionally risky situations, intimacy or new challenges. It protects the system by shutting down, opting for withdrawal or passivity so that closeness cannot trigger suppressed wounds.

Firefighters:

Firefighter are reactive protective parts that step in aggressively when an Exile's pain breaks through the Manager's defenses. They attempt to rapidly extinguish or numb emotional distress by any means necessary. 

Unlike Manager parts which proactively plan to manage pain, Firefighter parts act impulsively and they are focused on immediate, short term relief without considering the long term consequences. These include:

The Numb-Out and Escape Strategies: These parts seek to detach from reality or dull the intensity of an activated emotion:

• The Binge Watcher/Compulsive Scroller: This part can spend hours scrolling social media, playing video games or binge watch TV to completely tune out reality.

Binge Watcher/Compulsive Scroller on Social Media

• The Dissociator: Pulls your mind away from your body causing you to "zone out" during intense situations or to feel detached from your physical presence.

• The Sleeper: Uses extreme fatigue or unprompted naps as a tactical emergency exit to avoid experiencing distress.

• The Daydreamer: Escapes chronic pain by retreating entirely into elaborate fantasies or internal worlds. 

The Substance Abuse and Comfort Soothers

These parts look to external, chemical or physical substances to smother painful feelings immediately:

• The Drinker/User: Relies heavily on alcohol, marijuana or other substances to artificially quiet an internal emotional storm.

• The Comfort Eater: Urges overeating to blanket feelings of loneliness, sadness or stress.

• The Compulsive Shopper: Impulsively spends to get the sudden burst of dopamine to mask an inner void (see my article: Learn to Stop Overspending as a Way to Avoid Uncomfortable Feelings).

The Impulse and Adrenaline Chasers

These parts attempt to replace unbearable underlying emotions, like shame or helplessness, with highly stimulating, high octane physical sensations:

• The Rager: Deflects vulnerable feelings by launching into sudden, explosive angry outbursts, slamming doors or starting verbal fights.

The Risk Taker

• The Risk Taker: Drives dangerously or engages in reckless behavior such as extreme speeding, gambling or unsafe sexual encounters, using adrenaline to overpower emotional pain.

• The Self Harmer: Expresses internal pain or seeks release from emotional numbness through physical self injury or suicidal ideation.

How Do Managers and Firefighters Differ From Each Other?

To understand your internal world, it helps to understand the difference between Manager parts, Firefighter parts and Exiles:

Managers

• Core Strategy: Control and prevention
• Behavioral Goal: Keep life orderly; minimize social and emotional risk
• Timing: Proactive (before pain occurs)

Firefighters

• Core Strategy: Distraction and numbing
• Behavioral Goal: Extinguish overwhelming emotional fires at all costs (e.g, drinking, drugging, gambling, dissociation, etc).
• Timing: Reactive (after an exile is triggered)

Exiles

• Core Strategy: Vulnerability and burden
• Behavioral Goal: Contain deep emotional wounds, childhood trauma, shame and loneliness
• Timing: Suppressed (hidden beneath protector parts)

Getting Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

IFS is an effective, evidence-based, gentle trauma therapy. 

Although it is gentle, it is also powerful in terms of healing trauma.

Get Help in IFS Parts Work Therapy

IFS prioritizes pacing, internal consent and a non-pathologizing framework that doesn't force a client to relive their traumatic events. 

If you have been unable to work through problems on your own, consider working with a skilled IFS therapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy) and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Does IFS Parts Work Therapy Help You to Understand Yourself? 

How Does IFS Parts Work Therapy Help With Anxiety? 

How Can IFS Help With Trauma?

 

The Cycle of Perfectionism, Procrastination and Paralysis

In my prior article, Intergenerational Trauma: What is the Link Between Perfectionism and Unresolved Trauma?, I looked at perfectionism through the lens of trauma that is passed on from one generation to the next.

The Connection Between Perfectionism, Procrastination and Paralysis

In the current article, I'm discussing the cycle of perfectionism, procrastination and paralysis (also known as avoidance).

Cycle of Perfectionism, Procrastination and Paralysis

Perfectionism, procrastination and paralysis form a cycle where an obsession with perfection is the driver leading to avoidance (procrastination) and ultimately resulting in inaction (paralysis).

This self-sabotaging loop occurs because impossible standards create anxiety which makes starting or finishing tasks feel overwhelming and risky (see my article: Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior).

Understanding the Cycle of Fear

• Perfectionism (The Driver): Striving for impossible results, setting impossibly high standards and using all-or-nothing thinking.

• Procrastination (The Behavior): Delaying work or some other action because of a fear that the outcome won't meet the impossibly high standards. This inaction or avoidance can be disguised as "waiting for the right time".

• Paralysis (The Result): Becoming stuck and unable to start or finish a task, project or other commitment due to the pressure of wanting it to be "perfect".

How to Break the Cycle

• Be Aware: "Done is Better Than Perfect": Focus on starting and completing tasks rather than making them "perfect".

• Break Down Tasks: Divide tasks into more manageable and less intimidating parts.

• Set Time Limits: Limit the time you spend "polishing" and trying to make something "perfect".

• Practice Self Compassion: Work towards calming down your inner critic and accept that mistakes are inevitable and part of the learning process (see my article: Making Friends With Your Inner Critic).

• Work on Underlying Issues: The cycle of perfectionism, procrastination and paralysis often develops at an early age related to unresolved psychological trauma. Working through these underlying issues with a licensed mental health professional can help you to get to the underlying issues and resolution to the problem.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates the cycle discussed above and how psychotherapy can help.

Jean

Ever since she was a child, Jean approached all tasks and projects with a lot of anxiety. Her parents made her do her homework over and over again until they assessed it was "perfect" (excellent penmanship, no erasures, etc).

When she got to college, Jean had problems getting her papers in on time because her need to make everything "perfect" would cause her to either rewrite her papers many times before she could turn them in or her fear of the papers being less than "perfect" caused her to procrastinate and get the papers in late. There were times when she felt so anxious that she wasn't able to even start the papers.

Cycle of Perfectionism, Procrastination and Paralysis

One of Jean's professors, who recognized that Jean was intelligent and hard working, suggested that Jean get help in therapy to overcome these problems.

Working in trauma therapy, Jean gained insight into the origin of her problem and used the tools and strategies her therapist provided to get her papers in on time.

As part of her therapy, her therapist, who used Internal Family Systems Parts Work Therapy (IFS), helped Jean to work through these issues by getting her inner critic to soften and step aside so she could complete her tasks. Jean also learned to strengthen her Core Self so she was no longer influenced by the parts of herself that strove for "perfection".

Get Help in Therapy

If self help techniques haven't helped you to overcome perfectionism, seek help from a qualified mental health professional.

Get Help in Therapy

Overcoming the root cause of your problem can help you to work through these issues so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a Trauma Therapist, I have helped individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Intergenerational Trauma: What is the Link Between Perfectionism and Unresolved Trauma?

In my prior article, How a Parent's Unresolved Trauma Can Affect Their Child, I started a discussion about the potential impact for children of parents with unsolved trauma (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).

The Link Between Perfectionism and Unresolved Trauma

I'm continuing this discussion in the current article by focusing on one aspect this issue,  which is perfectionism (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism).

Estimates vary as to what percentage of children of traumatized parents develop perfectionism, but the current estimate as of the date of this article is 25-30%.

What is the Link Between Perfectionism and Intergenerational Trauma?

Trauma-related perfectionism is passed down through biological and environmental pathways:

• Parental Modeling: Children often internalize the harsh, self critical inner voices of parents who use perfectionism to cope with unresolved trauma.

• Epigenetic Predisposition: Chronic stress and trauma in parents can influence gene expressions related to anxiety and chronic stress, potentially exposing children to perfectionistic tendencies.  

• Parentified Roles: Children who are forced to take on adult responsibilities or care for a parent's emotional needs may use perfectionism to fulfill these overwhelming obligations (see my article: What is Parentification and Why Is It Traumatic?).

Signs of Trauma-Based Perfectionism

Unlike healthy striving for excellence, trauma-based perfectionism is driven by fear and shame. 

This includes:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing any minor mistake as a total failure or proof of inherent unworthiness (see my article: Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking).

The Procrastination Paradox

• Procrastination Paradox: Avoiding tasks entirely because the fear of doing them imperfectly is paralyzing

• Chronic Self Criticism: A persistent internal dialog that equates mistakes with being "bad" or at risk for abandonment

Support the Healing Process

If your child is experiencing perfectionistic tendencies related to intergenerational trauma, healing begins with you:

• Create a Nonjudgmental Space: Create an environment in your home where mistakes are welcomed and met with curiosity instead of judgment.

Create a Nonjudgmental Environment

• Practice Compassion: Help your child to distinguish their worth from their achievements.

• Get Support For Yourself in Trauma Therapy: Healing begins with you. If you have unresolved trauma, get help in trauma therapy so you can become a parental model of mental health. Trauma therapy modalities include:

• Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy)
  

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)
  

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

• Somatic Experiencing (SE)
  

• Get Help For Your Child: Seek help from a licensed mental health professional who does trauma-informed therapy for children. Therapist directories like Psychology Today can provide you with referrals to psychotherapists who work with children in your area.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Trauma Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Unresolved Trauma

The Potential Long Lasting Impact of Trauma 

How a Parent's Unresolved Trauma Can Affect a Child 

You Are Not Defined By What Happened to You 

 

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotaging Behavior

Becoming aware of your recurring self sabotaging behavior requires a willingness to explore your patterns with self compassion.

What is Self Sabotaging Behavior?

Self sabotaging behavior often begins with unconscious thoughts and emotions that create roadblocks to your personal growth, well-being, goals and success (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

Self sabotaging behavior usually involves a conflict between what you want and your unconscious fears or insecurity.

What Causes Self Sabotaging Behavior?

The root of self sabotaging behavior often begins in early childhood. This might include early messages from parents that you're not good enough or you're unlovable. 

These traumatic messages usually get internalized at a deep unconscious level so that, as an adult, you might not recognize the origin of your self sabotaging behavior (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: You're Not Defined By Your History).

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

Growing up in a chaotic, unpredictable environment can create a fear of change so that you remain stuck in unhealthy ways of being (see my article: How Does Shame Develop at an Early Age?).

In addition, you might equate what is familiar to you, including self sabotaging behavior, as "safety" even if you are aware that it's unhealthy. In other words, you might prefer what is known, including unhealthy behavior, to what is unknown, including trying to develop healthier ways of coping.

Self sabotaging behavior is often triggered by stressful situations. 

When you have little to no awareness about what triggers your behavior, your pattern continues because, instead of exploring what triggered the behavior, you fall into the trap of continuing to enact the same self destructive patterns (see my article: What is Self Abandonment?).

What Are Examples of Self Sabotaging Behavior?

The following are a few examples of self sabotaging behavior:

• Procrastination: Delaying tasks to avoid potential failure or judgment including self judgment (see my article: Overcoming Procrastination)

• Perfectionism: Setting unrealistic standards which causes stagnation (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism)

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

• Escapism: Using unhealthy coping skills to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions. These unhealthy coping skills might include excessive drinking, illicit drugs, compulsive gambling, overspending and other attempts to escape

• Relationship Sabotage: Pushing people away, avoiding vulnerability or creating conflict in a relationship as a way to create emotional distance

• Negative Self Talk: Self criticism which erodes your self esteem

• Avoiding New Opportunities: Ignoring or withdrawing from new challenges or opportunities for growth (see my article: Opening Up to New Possibilities in Your Life)

• Remaining Stuck in Unhealthy Familiar Patterns : Refusing to try new things because what is familiar feels "safer" even if it is self destructive

How to Overcome Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotaging Behavior

• Awareness: In order to change any kind of unhealthy pattern of behavior, you must first become aware of the pattern. This means that, instead of blaming others or "bad luck", you need to look at how you are contributing to your problems. Self compassion is an important part of this step because if your awareness triggers self criticism, you can get stuck in a loop of unhealthy behavior. This involves taking a step back and looking for recurring patterns of behavior. For instance, if you have problems with relationship sabotage, you become aware of your contribution to recurring problems in relationships.

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotage

• Identify Triggers and Recurring Patterns: Track your actions to identify your triggers and recurring patterns. For instance, you might realize in hindsight that a pattern of procrastination starts with your fear of failure. You can do this by journaling about your thoughts, emotions and behavior, including recurring unhealthy patterns. After you have identified the patterns, write about how you want to handle these situations.

• Challenge Your Negative Thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with realistic positive thoughts (see my article: Overcoming Habitual Negative Thoughts).

• Set Manageable Goals: Since feeling overwhelmed can trigger avoidance behavior, break down big tasks into smaller parts to reduce the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed.

• Learn to Be in the Present Moment: Develop healthy habits, like practicing breathing exercises and mindfulness, to be in the present moment rather than allowing your thoughts to project too far into the future. 

Get Help in Therapy

Recurring patterns of ingrained self sabotaging behavior can be difficult to identify and even more challenging to change on your own because these patterns often start at a young age before you realize it.

Get Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in helping clients to change self sabotaging behavior.

Once you have freed yourself from these unhealthy behaviors, you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Article:

Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior 

How Does Shame Impact Relationships?

Shame can lead to destructive behavior in relationships (see my article: Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame).

How Shame Impacts Relationships

Shame often causes partners to present a false self in their relationship (see my article: Becoming Your True Self).

How Does Shame Impact Relationships?

Shame often shows up as unconscious self protective behavior driven by fear of being seen as flawed or unlovable.

Here are some of the ways shame impacts relationships:

• Emotional Withdrawal and Distancing: A partner might shut down emotionally or physically, go silent, pull away to hide feelings of inadequacy which creates barriers to intimacy.

• Anger and Aggression: To avoid feeling emotionally vulnerable, a partner might externalize shame by becoming angry, contemptuous, critical or abusive (see my article: Communication Problems: The Horsemen of the Apocalypse).

How Shame Impacts Couples

• Perfectionism and People Pleasing: A partner might try to earn love by trying to be "perfect", which causes them to abandon their own emotional needs in order to please their partner and avoid rejection (see my articles: People Pleasing and What is Self Abandonment?).

• Self Sabotage: Shame can make a partner believe they are unworthy of love which can cause them to create conflict or push their partner away (see my article: Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior).

• Defensiveness: Shame can make a partner defensive, blame their partner or refuse to take responsibility for their actions (see my article: How to Change Defensive Behavior).

• Physical Signs: Shame can be expressed through body language such as tension, hunched posture, blushing or refusing to make eye contact.

• Controlling Behavior: A partner can behave in a domineering way to hide their feelings of inadequacy (see my article: Controlling Behavior).

How to Overcome a Negative Cycle of Shame in a Relationship

Here are some of the essential strategies for overcoming shame in a relationship:

• Vulnerability and Open Communication:  Vulnerability and open communication are essential parts of any healthy relationship (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Emotional Intimacy).

Overcoming the Negative Cycle

• Identify Triggers: Identifying each partner's triggers will help each person to be aware and try to avoid triggering and retriggering each other. Being aware of triggers can also help partners to identify and prevent the negative cycle in their relationship.

• Practice Compassion: Compassion, including self compassion, can help you to feel empathy for yourself and your partner.

• Own Your Mistakes: When you own your mistakes, instead of becoming defensive, you and your partner are more likely to be able to repair ruptures without creating long lasting resentment (see my article: Having the Courage to Admit to Your Mistakes).

• Build an Emotionally Safe Environment: Create an emotionally safe environment in your relationship (see my article: How to Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship).

Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

• Replace Shame With Connection: Share your vulnerable feelings with your partner. Instead of being judgmental with your partner, become curious. Create a relationship where you both feel seen, heard and valued. Aside from communicating verbally, rebuild closeness through shared activities like physical touch, hobbies or going for a walk.

Seek Help in EFT Couples Therapy

• Seek Professional Help: If you and your partner feel stuck, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is an Emotionally Focused couples therapist (EFT). An EFT therapist can help you to overcome the negative cycle in your relationship that keeps you from having a fulfilling relationship (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples?).

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS/Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To learn more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Self-sabotaging behavior is a pattern of thoughts and behavior that can hinder your well-being, relationships, personal health and goals.

Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Examples of self-sabotaging behavior include (but are not limited to):

• Procrastination
• Negative self talk
  
• Perfectionism
• Avoidance of opportunities

Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior

• Avoidance of problem solving
• Substance abuse
• Relationship sabotage
• A pattern of choosing unhealthy relationships
• Overcommitting time and money

Why Do People Engage in Self-Sabotaging Behavior?

There can be many reasons why individuals engage in self sabotaging behavior including:

• Fear of failure, disappointment and rejection: Avoiding taking steps to prevent potential failure, disappointment and rejection

• Low self esteem: An individual's belief that they don't deserve to succeed or be happy

Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior

• Fear of success: Success can come with additional stress and pressure

• Maladaptive coping: An unconscious strategy to avoid feeling vulnerable or avoid coping with unresolved trauma (see my article: Changing Maladaptive Coping Strategies: Avoidance)

• Cognitive dissonance: Behavior that aligns with a negative self perception to reduce inner conflict (see my article: Understanding the Negative Impact of Cognitive Dissonance For You and Your Loved Ones).

How Can You Stop Self-Sabotaging Behavior?

If you recognize a pattern of self-sabotaging behavior, it's best to work with a licensed mental health professional to help you to develop the necessary awareness, coping skills and strategies.

In addition to working with a therapist, here are some tips that might be helpful with certain types of self-sabotaging behavior:

• Examine the Root Causes: Look for self-sabotaging patterns in your life. Often, self-sabotaging behavior stems from earlier experiences or childhood trauma (see my article; How is Past Trauma Affecting You Now?).

• Stop Procrastinating: A common factor in procrastination includes lack of emotional regulation. Develop a strategy to take care of things as they come up so you don't fall behind in taking care of your responsibilities (see my article: Overcoming Procrastination).

Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior

• Don't Make All-or Nothing-Decisions: For example, if you want to save more money, do it incrementally instead of saving your entire salary and then not having enough money to take care of rent, bills and daily expenses (see my article: Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking).

• Aim For Excellence and Not Perfection: This is closely related to all-or-nothing thinking. Make small improvements that further your goals rather than trying to achieve your goals all at once (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism).

Psychotherapy For Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Self-sabotaging behavior can be difficult to change on your own.

Getting Help in Therapy

A licensed mental health professional, who has an expertise in helping clients to overcome self-sabotaging behavior, can help you to get to the root of your problems and provide you with tools and strategies to change.

People who engage in self-sabotaging behavior often wait until their situation is dire before they get help, so if you self sabotage, be aware that it's easier to get help sooner rather than later when your situation has turned into a crisis.

Getting help in therapy to overcome self-sabotaging behavior can make your life more manageable and fulfilling.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapy.

I work with individual adults and couples and, as a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome self-sabotaging behavior. 

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.