Coping With Dating Anxiety

This article was updated on September 20, 2026.

When you have anxiety, dating can feel like an exhausting job interview.

Dating anxiety often triggers intense hopes and fears, but learning to ground ourselves allows us to navigate vulnerability with genuine self-compassion.

My article discusses both the internal and external hurdles that you might encounter when you're dealing with dating anxiety and how to manage your anxiety:

What Are the Internal Hurdles?

• Overthinking: You don't have to analyze every text, how long it takes the other person to respond to your text and try to interpret whether the person likes you or not by the inclusion or exclusion of emojis (see my article: Tips on How to Stop Overthinking).

• Fear of Rejection: When you shift your focus from "Will they like me?" to "Will I like them?", you can take back your personal power (see my article: Reclaiming Your Personal Power).

• Social Fatigue: Keep the early dates short to manage your anxiety and avoid possible social fatigue where you feel drained by the other person. You can manage dating anxiety by treating early dates as low stake social events rather than high-pressure auditions.

• Self Sabotage: Focus on being curious and getting to know the other person. Don't focus only on looking for flaws or red flags that don't exist. Also, don't complain about how horrible online dating is or your prior dating or relationship disasters (see my article: Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behavior).

• Early Disclosure Anxiety: Don't overshare the details of your mental health concerns or your family trauma on your first date. Also, don't complain about your exes.

• A Constant Need For Reassurance: Avoid asking your date for constant reassurance due to your anxiety. Focus on yourself.

• Settling: Once you have dated the person a few times and you feel the two of you aren't compatible, don't "settle" for the wrong person just to avoid dating anxiety.

Managing Pre-Date Anxiety

Since anxiety thrives on uncertainty, you can minimize the unknown variables before the date to lower your anxiety:

• Limit Time on Dating Apps: Since spending a lot of time on dating apps or waiting for responses can fuel rumination, plan to spend only a limited amount of time on apps. Set a time limit, like 10 or 15 minutes every day or every other day (or whatever works for you) to prevent stress and burnout.

• Plan Low Stakes Short Activities: Instead of meeting for dinner, choose short activities, like meeting for coffee or tea. 

• Pick Familiar Territory For Your Date: Suggest a place you already know well. Knowing the layout, the menu or parking situations removes logistical anxiety and stress.

• Have An Exit Plan: You can reduce your anxiety by knowing that you have a short get-together so you don't have to remain for long if you don't want to stay.

Managing Anxiety During the Date

• Stay Grounded: If your mind starts spinning due to anxiety, ground yourself by silently naming things to yourself. For instance, you can choose a color, like blue, and silently notice all the things around you that are the color blue. In this way, you orient yourself to your environment rather than focusing on anxiety. You can also silently focus on how your feet feel on the ground to feel calmer.

• Manage Your Expectations: Remember that a date is like having a conversation. It's not a marriage proposal. Aim for having fun and not for finding your "soulmate".

• Have Topics in Mind to Discuss: If the conversation starts to drag or it gets boring, have a few topics or open-ended questions in mind so you don't become anxious when there are silences.

• Focus on the Here-and-Now: Instead of allowing your anxiety to spin out of control with thoughts like, "He doesn't like me" or "She's bored", focus on the here-and-now rather than the thoughts spinning in your head. Are they smiling? Are they asking you questions? Focus on the present rather than your anxious internal commentary.

Managing Anxiety After the Date

• Establish a Wind-Down Routine For Yourself: Plan a wind-down activity for yourself for after the date. This might include journaling or watching a TV program that is comforting for you. This can ensure that the rest of your day ends on a good note regardless of how the date went.

• Mute Dating App Notifications: Turn off push notifications on your dating apps. This can stop the addictive dopamine loop and allows you to be in control of when you want to look at the apps.

• Pause Before Texting: If a delayed response from your date triggers a fight-or-flight response in you, put your phone in another room. Take a few slow breaths before writing back to avoid reactive, anxious texts (see my article: 8 Tips For Coping With Triggers).

• Remember Your Autonomy: Remember that you are responsible for managing your emotions. Don't expect a new date to constantly reassure you or alter their texting habits which could put a strain on a new dating relationship.

Getting Help in Therapy

If anxiety feels unmanageable or if it is due to prior unhealthy relationships or unresolved trauma, get help from a licensed mental health professional.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to manage your anxiety by providing you with tools and strategies as well as dealing with the underlying issues that might be fueling your anxiety.

Rather than struggling alone, get help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, EFT Couples Therapy and Certified Sex Therapist.

I provide depth-oriented, experiential therapy to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as online via secure telehealth.
• Initial Contact: I provide a complimentary 15-minute phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.
• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Dating: How to Move Beyond Small Talk 

Dating in Your 40s, 50s, 60s and Beyond

Are You Dating or Are You in A Relationship? How to Avoid Misunderstandings 

Why Searching For the "Perfect" Partner Will Disappoint You 

What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?

 

Dating For a Lasting Relationship: The Spark vs the Slow Burn

This article was updated on September 13, 2026.

In our fast paced world, people often feel that if they don't experience an immediate spark on a first date, there's nothing there. But the spark isn't necessarily a good indicator if you want a lasting relationship.

Building a lasting relationship requires shifting away from superficial traits and focusing on the slow burn of genuine psychological connection.

In this article, I'm focusing on the difference between the spark and the slow burn when you're dating (see my prior articles about dating at the end of this article).

What is the Difference Between a Slow Burn vs a Spark?

When you're dating to develop a lasting connection that leads to a committed relationship, you need to understand the difference between a spark and a slow burn.

    The Spark

The spark is basically the rush of emotions you feel when you meet someone and you feel an attraction. This is often referred to as "instant chemistry." Some people describe it as feeling "butterflies."

The spark of physical attraction (or chemistry) includes the following hormones:

• Dopamine
• Norepinephrine
• Oxytocin
• Testosterone
• Estrogen
• Adrenaline

Although the spark is usually what's celebrated in movies, TV programs and social media, it's not necessarily a reliable indicator that you have met your one-and-only person. 

For one thing, there are many people who are naturally charismatic. They know how to turn on the charm to give off the spark. 

So, you might be fooled into thinking you have a strong emotional connection with someone when it's not really anything long lasting (see my article: Falling in Love With Charisma Instead of Character).

Once the initial spark fades, as it's liable to do after a while, you might find there's very little substance to your relationship (see my article: What Are the 3 Stages of the Honeymoon Phase (also called Limerence)?).

In addition, most people tend to project their wants and desires onto a person they're attracted to before they even know them.  

While it's easy to understand how this can happen, especially if you have had prior dating disappointments, it's important to be aware of these projections so you don't set yourself up for another disappointment when you actually get to know the person you're dating.

This doesn't mean that chemistry (or the spark) isn't important.  It is. But the type of chemistry that leads to a lasting relationship takes time to develop. It doesn't happen immediately.

Chemistry that leads to a lasting connection includes physical attraction, but there's so much more:

• Strong communication

• Mutual respect

• Trust 

• Emotional intimacy (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Emotional and Sexual Intimacy)

• A deep understanding of each other

• Shared values

    The Slow Burn

So, if the spark can be misleading, what's a better predictor of a real connection?

The answer is: The slow burn.

Relationship experts talk about the slow burn as a type of simmering rather than a spark.

When a dating relationship is allowed to simmer, you give yourself time to get to know the other person. 

During the initial dating phase, it's hard to assess if what you're feeling is real or not and if you're seeing the other person clearly.  You need to see them in many different situations to get to know their character.

Here are just a few things to look for:

• Do you feel heard and understood by this person?

• Do you feel relaxed and curious around this person?

• Do their values and goals align with yours?

• Do they treat other people well, including your friends?

• Are they respectful to others, like the waitstaff at a restaurant?

• How do they talk about exes?

How Slow is the Slow Burn?

It's unfortunate that many people make their decision about whether to continue dating someone based on whether they feel a spark on the first date.  

They don't take the time to get to know someone, which often leads to many first dates and nothing of substance.

There can be so many factors as to why you or your date might not come across well on a first date, including nerves, which doesn't give you or them an accurate picture.

Of course, if you discover immediate dealbreakers, that's another story. 

But many people don't take the time to think about what their dealbreakers so they end up with a long list of things that aren't necessarily dealbreakers or they have no list at all.

Generally, you can get a sense of how well you connect with someone you're dating in 5-6 dates (more or less). By then, you generally know if you have the beginning of a connection with someone.

This doesn't mean you know whether this dating relationship will lead to a committed relationship, but it's a start.

It will take a lot more time to see whether you can form a lasting relationship over time.

Take Time After a Date to Self Reflect

Rather than rejecting someone because you didn't feel instant chemistry or, at the other extreme, thinking you found your "true love" because you felt instant chemistry, take time after a date to reflect on how you felt during the date:

• Are you curious about them?

• Did they seem curious about you?

• Did you feel heard when you spoke to your date?

• Did your date dominate the conversation?

• Did you feel you had to carry the conversation?

• Did you feel energized when you were with this person?

• Did you laugh together, if that's important to you? (see my article: The Power of Humor and Laughter)

How to Move On When There's No Slow Burn Over Time

While it's important to allow time for things to simmer, after a while, you might realize that it's not going to happen.

If nothing is simmering, you can decide if you want to continue to give this dating relationship a chance or if you want to move on.

Being honest, kind and tactful is important, which means that ghosting is not the solution. 

Talk to the person you've been dating and let them know that you're not feeling a connection with them.  Give them a chance to respond. Listen to what they have to say and then make your decision.

Conclusion

Most people rely heavily on whether they feel a spark, but the spark is not a reliable indicator for many of the reasons given above.

While chemistry and physical attraction are important, these qualities alone aren't good predictors of a lasting relationship.

Take your time to get to know someone before you rule them out as a possibility for a lasting  relationship.

And just a note: Not everyone is looking for a monogamous relationship. Some people date to hookup. Others want a consensual nonmonogamous relationship or solo polyamory.

That's fine. Just be aware of what you want and whether the other person(s) are looking for the same thing.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I see clients online throughout New York State and in person at my private office in Greenwich Village, New York, NY 10011.

I offer a free 15-minute phone call before scheduling your initial appointment.

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours

Also, see my prior articles:

• Dating: What Should You Talk About On Your First Date?

• Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

• How Does "Old School Dating" Compare to How People Date Today?

• Dating vs Being in a Relationship

• Dating in Your 40s, 50s, 60s and Beyond
  

The Potential Long Lasting Impact of Trauma

This article was revised on September 15, 2026.

As a trauma therapist in New York City, I understand the potential long lasting impact of trauma.  My article focuses on the traumatic impact that being touched inappropriately has for women.

While it's important for everyone to speak up when they are being touched inappropriately, it's often a problem for some women due to the trauma involved.

Why Do Some Women Have Problems Speaking Up When They Are Touched Inappropriately?

There can be many individual reasons why women don't speak up, but the main reasons are fear retaliation, fear of escalation and social conditioning that prioritizes being polite over taking care of oneself.

The Potential Long Lasting Impact of Trauma

In addition, internalized shame and guilt and the societal stigma that often blames the victim instead of holding the perpetrator accountable (e.g., "Look what she was wearing. What did she expect?").

Many women also fear that they will not be believed or they will be seen as overreacting. 

All of these issues create barriers to women speaking up when someone is touching them inappropriately.

In addition, many women experience an internal freeze response where they feel immobilized by the shock of what is happening to them.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates these issues and how therapy can help:

Ina

When Ina was 20, she came home from college to visit her family during a holiday break.

Her parents invited family friends, Jack and Betty, over for dinner. This was a couple that Ina had known since she was a young child.

After dinner, while everyone else was in the kitchen, Ina was alone with Jack. She noticed Jack starring at her breasts. At first, she thought she imagining it--until he walked over to her and grabbed her breast.

Shocked and speechless, Ina stood frozen there after Jack walked away not knowing what to say or do.  She never would have imagined that Jack would ever touch her inappropriately.

After she got over the initial shock, she couldn't decide what to do when the everyone else came back into the dinning room. So, not knowing what to do, she did nothing, but she didn't feel good about it.

When she was a young child, her parents would leave her with a neighbor, Don, next door who was also a family friend.  Most of the time, Don played with her and told her stories, but sometimes he undressed her and touched her all over her body. 

During those times when Don touched her, Ina froze. When she got the courage to tell her mother about it, her mother didn't believe her. She told Ina that she must be imagining things (see my article: Overcoming Childhood Sexual Abuse).

It wasn't until her parents heard from another neighbor that Don molested another child  their that they realized he was a child molester. So, they stopped allowing Don to babysit for them, but they never confronted Don or reported the incident to the police.

After the incident with Jack, when Ina went back to college, she felt so confused and angry about the incident that she sought counseling at the college counseling office. 

The counselor validated Ina's experience and recommended a trauma therapist off campus who had experience helping clients to work through trauma.

Using a combination of trauma therapies, EMDR and IFS, the trauma therapist helped Ina to work through the recent incident and the childhood incidents (see my article: Combining EMDR Therapy and IFS Parts Work Therapy).

The work was neither quick nor easy, but Ina felt empowered by it and she felt she could assert herself if it ever happened again (see my article: How Can Trauma Therapy Help You With Unresolved Trauma?).

Ina also had a talk with her parents about what happened with Jack as well as the childhood incidents with Don. Her parents expressed shock about Jack and remorse, regret for not believing her when she was a child as well as regret for not realizing that Jack was capable of sexual assault.

Over time, Ina and her parents gradually worked to repair their relationship.

Tips That Might Be Helpful:

Every situation will be different but, in general, the following tips might be helpful depending upon your particular situation:

• Establish Distance: If someone is touching you inappropriately, move away from the person immediately. If you are in a crowded place, like a subway, try to create a physical barrier with the other person by using a bag or another person. 

• Speak Up in a Loud Tone: Silence often encourages harassers. Use a firm, loud voice to say things like, "Stop touching me!" or "Don't touch me!" This draws attention to the incident and can shame the person into stopping.

• Be Direct and Firm: Avoid being polite if you feel unsafe. Use clear commands like, "Remove your hand immediately!" or "I don't know you. Get away from me!"

• Seek Help From Others: If you are in a public place, alert others by saying, "This man is touching me without my permission." You can also ask for help from a specific person, like a subway conductor, police officer or, if you are outside, from a shopkeeper.

• Report the Incident: If the incident occurs at work, report the incident to the HR department. Document the time, date and details of what happened. There are also laws from the NYC Human Rights Department and City, State or Federal EEOC that are designed to protect you.

• Reconsider a Relationship If Your Partner Doesn't Respect Your Boundaries: Healthy relationships require respect for personal boundaries. If your partner doesn't respect your "no", it's a troubling sign and a reason to seek support or to end the relationship.

• Recognize That Prior Trauma Might Cause You to Freeze, So Get Help in Trauma Therapy: As in the example above, prior unresolved trauma can create a freeze response so don't be hard on yourself. Get help in trauma therapy so you can process unresolved trauma. 

Conclusion

Problems with speaking up when someone is touching them is mostly a problem for women due to the reasons mentioned above.

Worldwide approximately 30% of women are subjected to sexual assault and this number might under estimate the problem.

According to the latest statistics, approximately 3% of men are subjected to sexual assaulted, so this is not exclusively a problem for women.

If you have been sexually assaulted, you are not alone. 

You can contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

Get Help in Therapy

Being touched inappropriately in any situation is a violation of your personal boundary.

If you are struggling with issues related to being inappropriately touched in the past or in your current life, you can benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), AEDP, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

I see clients in person in my Greenwich Village office in New York City and online.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Overcoming Fear of Commitment

Why do certain people have a fear of making a commitment in a relationship--even after the couple has been together for a while? (see my article: Are You Dating Someone Who Has a Fear of Commitment?).

Overcoming a Fear of Commitment

While the reasons for fear of commitment are as varied as the individuals who have this fear, there are often certain psychological issues:

• Fear of Losing Independence: For instance, some people fear that making a commitment to move in with a partner or to get married automatically means losing their autonomy to engage in their hobbies, spend time with friends or other activities they enjoy without their partner.

Overcoming Fear of Commitment

• Fear of Being Controlled: If an individual isn't in a relationship with someone who is controlling, a fear of being controlled or "smothered" often stems from childhood experiences. Talking about commitment can trigger a fight-or-flight response to avoid the fear of being controlled or dominated again.

• Avoidant Attachment Style: An avoidant attachment style, like any attachment style, is on a continuum. Some individuals with an avoidant attachment style feel they would rather be alone to protect themselves from the emotional vulnerability involved with being in a committed relationship.

• Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: Some people avoid making a commitment because they fear their partner will eventually leave them. By remaining uncommitted, they protect themselves from the pain of a potential breakup (see my article: Fear of Abandonment Can Occur Even in a Healthy, Stable Relationship).

Overcoming Fear of Commitment

• Unresolved Trauma From Childhood or Prior Relationships: Experiences like witnessing parents' unhappy marriage as a child, being cheated on by a prior partner, a messy divorce or other similar unresolved traumatic situations can leave deep emotional wounds. These individuals might associate making a commitment with pain and loss (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

• The Paradox of Choice: Individuals who use dating apps often feel they have endless choices. Some people hesitate to make a commitment because they fear they might be missing out on a "better match" which can lead to "decision paralysis."

Overcoming Your Fear of Making a Commitment

• Identify Underlying Fears: If you have a fear of making a commitment, especially if you have encountered this fear many times with individuals you care about in healthy relationships, you can start by identifying your underlying fears.

Overcoming a Fear of Commitment

• Challenge Your Thoughts About "What If" Scenarios: Take an objective look at your "what if" fears and ask yourself how likely these scenarios will occur. Separate out your fears from the past from your current situation (see my article: Feeling Aren't Facts).

• Don't Project Too Far Into the Future: Instead of wondering whether or not you'll be happy 15 years from now, focus on the present.

• Establish Autonomy in Your Relationship: A healthy relationship allows for shared time together as well as independent time to pursue other interests.

• Accept Imperfection: Nothing is perfect. As long as there aren't dealbreakers (e.g., one of you wants to have children and the other doesn't), accept that no relationship is perfect. Focus on teamwork with your partner.

• Take Small Manageable Steps: Check in with yourself and your partner after a few dates. If you both want to continue dating, check in after a couple of months, six months, a year and two years to assess how you each feel (see my article: Making Changes One Step at a Time).

Getting Help in Therapy

• Get Help in Therapy: If the self help steps above aren't working for you, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional to explore the underlying unconscious issues that you might not see on your own. Depending upon the problems involved, either individual therapy or couples therapy could be helpful rather than struggling on your own.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years in person and online.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Why Are Some "Nice Guys" Friend-Zoned?

As children, we're taught to be nice to others.

Being a nice or agreeable person is also rewarded in other settings. For instance, young children's report cards often cite agreeableness as a valued trait: "Johnny plays well with other children" or "Sara shares her toys with her classmates" and so on.

Being  Performatively"Nice" to Hide Certain Aspects of a Personality

People who are genuinely agreeable come across as open, authentic and trustworthy with good communication skills, healthy boundaries and a real interest in other people. They have no hidden agenda.

Why Are Some "Nice Guys" Friend-Zoned?

But there are people who are "nice" in a performative way to hide certain aspects of their personality. These are often the people who get friend-zoned because others can sense their behavior is really about people-pleasing to mask parts of their personality.

These people have such problems showing others who they really are that their behavior becomes performative as a defense against showing their true self. Instead, they come across as fake, which also known as a false self.

Their behavior can range from insecure, lacking in confidence and non-assertiveness to passive aggressive behavior.

Clinical Vignette

The following vignette is a composite of many different cases:

Larry

By the time Larry started therapy at age 35, he felt hopeless about ever being in a relationship.

He had gone out with a few women, usually for only one or two dates, but he had never been in a committed relationship.

His dating history started in his senior year of college when a woman he liked, Sara, asked him out to lunch. 

Sara was friendly and outgoing and she had many friends at college. There were many young men in college who were attracted to her, but she wasn't exclusive with anyone when she asked Larry to go for lunch.

Larry was surprised that Sara asked him out. He considered Sara to be the type of woman who would never be interested in him.

Soon after Sara's invitation, Larry's usual insecurities came up. He feared she wouldn't find him interesting--even though they had a lot in common. He also feared if she got to know him, she wouldn't like him (see my article: Overcoming the Fear That People Won't Like You If They Get to Know You).

As a result, Larry had such a lack of self confidence that he felt he had to be extra nice to Sara on their date. He agreed with everything she said and he went out of his way to do whatever she wanted to do. 

Why Are Some "Nice Guys" Friend-Zoned?

After they went to lunch a couple of times, Larry was disappointed that Sara was confiding in him like a friend. She even asked him for advice about how to handle a romantic situation about another guy.

When Larry talked to his friend, Ed about this, Ed told him, "You've been friend-zoned. Does she even know you're interested in her?"

In response, Larry told Ed that he couldn't see how Sara wouldn't know because he was bending over backwards to be nice to her.  Ed seemed skeptical, "But have you even flirted with her or told her you're attracted to her?"

Larry wasn't sure how to tell Sara he liked her, so he kept putting it off.  Then, weeks later, she told him she was interested in another young man at their college, John. When Larry heard her gush about John, he felt crushed and, eventually, he felt angry and resentful.

A few months later, Sara told Larry that she and John were getting an apartment together off campus. Larry felt his heart sink. 

Then, Sara said, "Before I met John, I really had a crush on you, but I never got the vibe from you that you were interested."

Larry remained silent, but he was shocked.

Now, at the age of 35, he told his therapist that this was his usual experience with women and he couldn't understand why this was happening to him, "I'm so nice to them and they don't appreciate it. Maybe they prefer guys who aren't nice."

Larry's therapist helped him to see that what he described as "nice" was really his way of hiding parts of his personality, including his erotic self, and that the women he dated didn't know he was interested in them because he suppressed his erotic self (see my articles: What is Eroticism? and What is Your Erotic Blueprint - Part 1 and Part 2).

They did Parts Work Therapy to help Larry explore the different aspects of his personality that he disliked so much and he tried to keep them hidden (see my article: How Does Parts Work Therapy, Like IFS and Ego States Therapy, Help You to Get to Know Yourself?)

The work in therapy was neither quick nor easy, especially since Larry had so much shame.

Over time, Larry practiced self compassion and self acceptance and this helped to boost his self confidence with women.

After he learned to be attuned to his own eroticism and he allowed that part of himself to emerge when he was interested in a woman, his romantic and sex life improved.

Conclusion

Being nice (or agreeable) can be a positive trait when it's genuine.

But when being "nice" is a defense against showing your true self, other people can sense that the agreeableness is performative and it comes across as being fake.  This is one of the reasons why many men get friend-zoned by women.

In the vignette above, Larry lacked self confidence and he was out of touch with his erotic self, so women he was interested in didn't even know it. They assumed he wasn't interested in them. 

But once he overcame his shame, developed self confidence and he became attuned to his own eroticism, he was able to allow this part of himself to emerge so that women knew he was interested in them and he was no longer friend-zoned.

There can be many different reasons why people, knowingly or unknowingly, hide parts of themselves with the result that they come across as fake.

Parts Work Therapy and other types of Experiential Therapy can help you to become more attuned to your true self so that you come across as more genuine.

Aside from Parts Work Therapy, other types of Experiential Therapy that can help include:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

• Somatic Experiencing

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

If you're struggling with lack of confidence and you think you might be hiding aspects of your personality, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who does Parts Work Therapy or another form of Experiential Therapy.

Learning to attune to yourself and feeling confident enough to show your authentic self can help you to have a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Parts Work, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.