Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

Situationships have become a lot more common in the dating world in recent years as compared to how dating used to be (see my article: How Does Old School Dating Compare to Contemporary Dating?).

People who want to date without a commitment often feel situationships work for them. 

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

Other people who want an exclusive relationship don't like situationships because the lack of definition, commitment or direction makes them feel uncomfortable.

So, let's explore the pros and cons of situationships in the dating world, but first let's start by defining the term.

What is a Situationship?

The nature of a situationships can vary with different couples.

Generally speaking, a situationship is more than just FWB (Friends With Benefits) and less than an exclusive relationship. 

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

In this respect, as previously mentioned, a situationship involves no commitment. It can occur between people who start out as strangers or people who are already friends.

The basic characteristics of a situation include:

• The Relationship is Undefined: You and your partner haven't put a label on your non-exclusve relationship. This might be because you just started dating so it's too soon to have "the talk" and, as a result, it hasn't been defined. It might also be because you're both fine with your situation as it is for now and neither of you has any intention to try to define it. It can also be because one of you likes things the way they are and the other is secretly hoping the relationship eventually becomes exclusive. 

• The Connection is Superficial and Based on Convenience: You and your partner might be sexual, but your conversations are mostly superficial small talk. It's possible that your partner might hardly or never ask you personal questions about yourself. In addition, there's no consistency in how often or when you see each other, so it's based on convenience. You might see each other when neither of you have any other plans or if one of you has plans that have fallen through.

• There's No Talk About a Future: As compared to people who are in an exclusive relationship, the two of you don't make plans for your relationship. You might not even make plans for future events like getting tickets for a concert or the theater. 

• The Relationship Isn't Exclusive: As previously mentioned, there's no commitment to be exclusive in a situationship, so each of you can date other people.

• There's No Follow Up: When you're together, you might really enjoy each other's company, but when you're apart, neither of you might take the initiative to contact the other or follow up with each other.

What Are the Pros and Cons of Being in a Situationship?

The pros and cons of a situationship are very much in the eye of the beholder.

If both people are genuinely interested in being in this type of casual relationship, they might find there are more advantages than disadvantages. 

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

But if one person secretly wants a committed relationship and they're just going along with being in a situationship with the hope it will develop into something more, this can create problems.

The Pros

• Less Responsibility and Less Emotional Investment: For those who want less responsibility and no need to invest emotionally in a relationship, a situationship can work if both people want this.

• Freedom: You can enjoy each other's company when you're together, but there are none of the expectations involved with a committed relationship. This means you're both free to see other people.

• Fun With Less Stress: As long as both people are on the same page, you can enjoy your time together without the stress involved in a committed relationship.

The Cons

• Instability, Inconsistency and Stress: If Person A begins to develop feelings for Person B and Person B doesn't develop feelings for Partner A, Partner A might find the instability and inconsistency of a situationship to be too hurtful and stressful.

• Different Expectations: You might both start out liking a situationship but, over time, if Person A develops feelings, Person A might have different expectations. Under those circumstances, Person A needs to communicate. However, a change in the relationship might not suit Person B who might still want to be free and uncommitted.

Tips on How to Handle a Situationship

• Be Honest With Yourself: First, be honest with yourself. Know what you want. If you know you're not going to be comfortable with an uncommitted, undefined relationship, acknowledge this to yourself. There's nothing wrong with this--it's just who you are at this point in your life. Don't go into a situationship hoping to turn it into an exclusive relationship because it might never turn into that. Similarly, if. you know don't want to be in an exclusive relationship, there's nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you want a casual relationship.

• Be Honest With the Other Person: Don't pretend you want something you don't want. Being honest with the other person can save a lot of heartache in the long run even if it creates an initial disappointment.

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

• Communicate Your Needs Clearly: Along with being honest, communicate your needs clearly to the other person--whether it's at the beginning stage of a relationship or if you experience a change later on. Don't expect the other to know how you feel. 

• Be Honest, Tactful and Gracious If It Doesn't Work Out: A situationship might work for a while, but there's no way to know how feelings might change over time for one or both people. Many relationships run their course whether they're committed relationships or casual relationships. No relationship is emotionally risk free, so if it's no longer working for one or both of you, end it by being your best self.

Conclusion

It's important to know yourself. Situationships aren't for everyone and that's okay.

At certain points in your life, you might an uncommitted, undefined relationship because it's what suits you at the time with a particular person. 

At other times in your life, you might not want a situationship.

You might also be someone who would never want such a casual, undefined relationship and that's okay too.

Just be honest and open about your needs and consider the other person's needs when you're trying to decide what kind of relationship you want.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.