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Picking up on signs someone is flirting with you can be challenging, especially if they are doing it in a very subtle way and you don't know them well.
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| Picking Up on Signs Someone is Flirting With You |
Flirting often involves both physical/nonverbal and verbal cues, but sometimes it's hard to distinguish flirting from friendliness.
So, it's helpful to know some of the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of flirting.
10 Signs Someone is Flirting With You
Everyone has their own way of flirting and, as previously mentioned, some of these signs can be signs of friendliness and not flirting.
So, if someone is flirting with you, you want to look for a combination of these signs and not just rely on one:
- They Make Prolonged Eye Contact: Prolonged eye contact is a relative term. Regular eye contact is about 3 seconds. When someone is interested in you, prolonged eye contact is about 4 seconds or longer. This type of eye contact doesn't involve staring or leering. It's a soft gaze signaling romantic or sexual interest. There are at least three different parts to this:
- They Try to Catch Your Eye: This is when someone looks at you until you sense it and look back at them. This kind of soft gaze is usually curious and inviting (as opposed to staring or creepiness).
- They Let You Catch Them Looking at You: If someone who is interested in you wants you to know they're interested, they might allow you to catch them looking at you. Once they get your attention, they might look down or away before looking back up at you. Someone who is a little bolder or who wants to be sexually suggestive might look at your other features like lips, chest or groin as a way to signal they're interested in a sexual encounter if you're open to that.
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| Picking Up on Signs Someone is Flirting With You |
- They Continue to Look in Your Eyes During a Conversation: If they managed to engage you in conversation, they will often continue to look into your eyes and look away briefly before looking back.
- They Have Open Body Language: They are relaxed and their body is open (an example of closed body language would be someone who has their arms folded in front of them). They face you and usually their toes are pointing towards you. Since people who are friendly and engaging also have open body language, this isn't always a sign of flirting--it could just be friendliness. So, you need to look for other signs in addition to this one.
- They Move Closer to You: If they want to flirt with you, they might move their body closer to yours (not in a creepy way). There are also situations, like in a crowded subway or in a theater with seats that are close together, where there's no choice but to be close, so this doesn't mean they're flirting with you. But if there's plenty of room and they sit or stand close to you, this could be an indication of romantic or sexual interest.
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| Picking Up on Signs Someone is Flirting With You |
- They Play With Their Clothing: Playing with a sleeve, button or other clothing can be an unconscious nonverbal sign that someone is attracted to you. Some women also play with their hair. This can also mean they're feeling awkward or uncomfortable so, once again, consider this in combination with other signs.
- They Touch You Lightly During the Conversation: There are some people who touch others while talking and they're only being friendly. But if they're also giving you other signs of flirting, their light touch on your arm or shoulder or a hand or a leg graze, is often a sign that they're interested in you.
- They Raise Their Eyebrows When They See You: When someone who is interested in you sees you, their slightly raised brows is often a sign (together with other potential signs) that they're interested in you. Raised brows that signify attraction is often an unconscious gesture.
- They Have a Flirtatious Facial Expression: Aside from raised eyebrows, someone who is interested in you might look at you warmly with a smile whenever you see them. They might tilt their heads to the side or downward.
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| Picking Up Signs Someone is Flirting With You |
- They Respond to All or Most of Your Social Media Posts: There are so many posts on social media, so if someone is taking the time to respond to all or most of your posts, this could be a digital sign they're interested in you.
- They Give You Teasing or Playful Attention: Teasing is a playful way to flirt by trying to provoke a response from someone. This doesn't involve meanness or bullying. Playful teasing often sparks a flirtatious back and forth between two people. When two people pick up on the subtle cues of playful teasing, if they're both interested, this creates sexual tension between them. This can be tricky if one or both people take the teasing literally and don't understand that it's part of a flirtatious dance.
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| Picking Up on Signs Someone is Flirting With You |
- They Treat You Differently Than They Do Others: If someone wants you to know they're interested, they usually try to make you feel special in a way they're not doing to other people around them.
More Articles About Flirting
Here are some of my prior articles about flirting that you might enjoy:
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Sex Therapist and Trauma Therapist who uses EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist where you will find many other articles about relationships, healing trauma, coping with grief as well as articles about the various therapy modalities that I use.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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