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| The Sincere Flirting Style |
See my prior articles:
The information for this article comes primarily from Dr. Hall's book, The Five Flirting Styles.
Summary of the Five Flirting Styles
- Playful: Playful flirts like to flirt for fun. They often have a particular goal of making a sexual conquest, a date or a getting into a relationship. They enjoy flirting for the sake of flirting, so sometimes they don't have any goal except to enjoying being flirty and playful. It can be hard to understand what they want from you because they like to be playful and tease, but they're not especially intimate.
- Traditional: Traditional flirts adhere to traditional, heteronormative ways of flirting where women wait for men to initiate flirting. Women in this category often use eye contact to show interest but men usually make the first move to talk to women. Traditional flirts tend to be introverted, so they often wait a while before they ask someone out.
- Physical: Physical flirts use nonverbal touch and open body language to flirt. This flirting style is especially sexually charged. Physical flirts tend to touch you. Aside from touching you, they might lean in close to you. They're usually confident and forward. Often, physical flirters look for a sexual conquest as opposed to a relationship, but this isn't always the case.
- Sincere: Sincere flirts are the most common type. They will try to form a bond with you by making you comfortable and creating a rapport. They tend to be direct and honest in their approach. A relationship with them might start as a friendship first before it becomes romantic.
- Polite: Polite flirts can be difficult to understand because they're so subtle. They tend to be focused on being polite, moral, cautious and reserved. They want to avoid embarrassment, so, for instance, they tend to speak in cautious tones.
As mentioned in my earlier articles, I see Dr. Hall's Five Flirting Styles as heteronormative. Although it applies to heterosexual men and women, I see aspects of these styles that could apply to people who identify as LGBTQ.
Please Note: Some people aren't receptive to flirting, especially if it involves touching. So, it's important to be aware of this and respect it. You need to pick up on social cues from the person you're with and remember that consent and context are important factors in your interactions with others.
What Does Sincere Mean?
As defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, sincere means:
- Wholehearted
- Heartfelt
- Hearty
- Genuine
It also means the absence of hypocrisy, feigning or any falsifying embellishments or exaggeration.
What is the Sincere Flirting Style?
Many people think of flirting as being insincere, but people who use the Sincere Flirting Style want to make a genuine connection with you.
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| The Sincere Flirting Style |
The sincere flirting involves using flirting as a way to create an emotional bond.
What Are Common Characteristics of the Sincere Flirting Style?
Sincere flirters tend to:
- Want to an emotional bond, which is usually different from the Playful Flirting Style where flirting is mostly about fun and games
- Be interested in you emotionally as opposed to just a sexual interest
- Want the emotional connection first before the sexual connection
- Enjoy deep conversations as opposed to superficial chatter
- Have interesting things to share with you about themselves
- Prefer to be themselves, which generally makes them honest
- Ask you questions about yourself because they're genuinely interested in getting to know you
- Remember important details you told them about yourself
- Disclose important information openly and appropriately about themselves as a way for you to get to know them and their personal disclosures tend to be of an emotional nature
- Be positive, friendly, warm and kind as well as outgoing and fun
- Be creative and open to new experiences, including travel
- Try to figure out if you share similar interests when you're on a date and getting to know each other
- Enjoy having you flirt back with them--although they can sometimes get embarrassed or shy if you compliment them
- Not approach in a physically aggressive way; however, if they sense you're interested, they're usually not opposed to using physicality in an appropriate way (leaning closer to you) as a way to get the message across that they're interested. This is different from the Physical Flirting Style who tend to use touch and physicality in a sexually suggestive way.
- Not date multiple people at once if they're interested in getting to know you and you're forming an emotional connection with each other
- Back off when they sense you're not interested--unlike more manipulative, aggressive types
Men and Women
As mentioned earlier, the Sincere Flirting Style is the most common flirting style. It's used by both men and women.
According to Dr. Hall, women tend to have a more developed Sincere Flirting Style than men.
In addition, Dr. Hall indicates that women tend to prefer when men engage in this style of flirting if they're interested in getting into a relationship.
Based on Dr. Hall's research, emotional self disclosure, when it's done appropriately without oversharing, is usually rated high as a way to connect emotionally and it's the least phoney way of flirting. It's also the most effective to create emotional bonds.
All Ages
Dr. Hall's research indicates that the Sincere Flirting Style applies to all age groups from young to mature.
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| The Sincere Flirting Style |
What About the Stereotype of "Nice Guys Finish Last"?
According to Dr. Hall, how women feel about nice guys depends on what they're looking for, their age and maturity level.
If they're young and looking for casual sex, they would probably prefer the man with the Physical Flirting Style.
If they're more mature and ready for a commitment, they're more likely to be interested in the guy with the Sincere Flirting Style because he has the maturity and qualities they're looking for in a committed relationship.
So, like many stereotypes, when it comes to forming a lasting bond with someone, the stereotype of "nice guys finish last" is false.
Conclusion
Most people are a combination of flirting styles and, even within a particular flirting style, there's a spectrum.
It's important to know what you want when you're dating so you can focus on the type of person that suits your interest.
The Sincere Flirting Style is usually the most appealing for people who want to form a sincere emotional connection with someone.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I am a sex-positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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