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Rushing into a relationship is a common impulse for many people. Since we're all hardwired for attachment, it's understandable that people, who hunger for love, want to jumpstart a relationship while dating someone new before they really get to know them.
See my articles:
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| How to Stop Rushing Into a Relationship Too Quickly |
Getting involved too quickly has many pitfalls. That's why it's best to resist the "urge to merge" so you can get to know someone well during the dating phase before making a commitment to be in a relationship.
When you bypass the dating phase by rushing into a relationship, instead of "falling in love," you fall into a ditch and it can be hard to climb out (see my article: Dating vs. Being in a Relationship: Take the Time to Get to Know Each Other).
People who are emotionally insecure with an insecure/anxious attachment style and people who have codependent tendencies often rush into relationships (see my articles: What is Your Attachment Style? and How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship).
Problems With Rushing Into a Relationship Too Quickly
When you rush into a relationship, you often encounter the following problems:
- You're probably not seeing your situation with the other person clearly because your need to be in a relationship is so great. You might be blinded by sexual chemistry so you're "filling in the holes" to substitute for things you really don't know about the other person. Remember: There can be "chemistry at first sight," but there's no such thing as "love at first sight."
- You probably haven't learned how to date (see my article: Dating vs Being in a Relationship: Take Time to Get to Know Each Other).
- You say things you don't mean, including saying "I love you" because you're confusing infatuation with love (see my article: Is It Love or Infatuation?).
- You make promises you can't keep, like declaring the other person to be your soul mate and making a commitment to be in a "forever relationship" before you know him or her.
- You create expectations that neither you nor the other person can fulfill because these expectations aren't based in reality.
- You don't give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way because you're too busy pushing for a relationship so, once again, you don't get to know the other person.
- You spend too much time with this new person and not enough time with friends so you try to make the new person your "everything."
- You're too caught up in the emotional thrill of being with someone new so that when things settle down in an established relationship, as they normally do, you feel bored because you're not experiencing that "new relationship energy" anymore.
In my next article, I'll continue to discuss how to stop rushing into relationships prematurely (see my article: 7 Tips on How to Stop Rushing Into a Relationship Too Quickly)
Getting Help in Therapy
Everyone needs help at some point. If you're struggling, you're not alone. Help is available to you.
A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome obstacles to your emotional well-being by helping you to develop the skills and tools you need as well as helping you to overcome a history of trauma that might be impacting you now (see my articles: When the Past is in the Present: Understanding How Trauma From the Past Can Be Affecting You Now and How Trauma Affects Relationships).
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can lead a healthier, more fulfilling life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.
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