Healing Perfectionism With IFS Therapy

This article was updated on September 18, 2026.

In my prior article, Journal Prompts to Cope With Perfectionism, I began a discussion about perfectionism.

In the current article, I'm discussing perfectionism from an IFS therapy perspective (see my article: IFS is a Gentle, Evidence Based Therapy).

Like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, IFS therapy doesn't eliminate our perfectionist parts—it repairs them with compassion, revealing the beauty in our cracks

How Do Defensive Parts Develop?

From an IFS therapy perspective, defensive parts usually develop at an early age.

In IFS these parts are known as proactive and reactive parts.

When you're faced with trauma or adversity, some of the internal parts of yourself are forced to take on extreme, rigid roles to protect you from pain. This usually occurs when you have had experiences as a child of rejection, failure, loneliness, conditional love, abuse or childhood emotional neglect.

The Core Self: 

From an IFS perspective, the Core Self is not a part. 

Everyone is born with a Core Self and a natural ability to heal. However, when there is childhood trauma, the Core Self can get blended with your defensive parts (both proactive and reactive parts). That can make it difficult to access the Core Self. 

Your IFS therapist can help you to discover your Core Self which helps with the healing process (see below for explanations about the proactive and reactive/defensive parts).

The Core Self and the 8 Cs

The Core Self is composed of the 8 Cs:

• Curiosity: Wanting to learn about your thoughts and feelings without judgment
• Compassion: Feeling kind towards your inner struggles
• Calm: Feeling steady and peaceful inside--even during rough times
• Clarity: Seeing your situation clearly without emotional fog
• Courage: Feeling able to face hard truths and uncomfortable emotions
• Confidence: Trusting that you can handle what comes your way
• Creativity: Opening up to new ideas and flexible ways of thinking
• Connectedness: Feeling a deep sense of belonging within yourself and with others

The Wounded and Defensive Parts:

This is the usual sequence of how wounded and defensive parts develop and how IFS healing process:

• 1. The Wounded Child Develops First During Childhood Trauma: Before the proactive or reactive parts develop, a vulnerable child part is wounded. The vulnerable child part is not a proactive or reactive part. It's the part that holds the trauma. As an example, a child might be rejected, yelled at or abused by a parent when she gets a bad grade at school. The child internalizes the parent's attitude towards her and believes "I'm unlovable" or "I'm powerless". In order to survive, the child's system buries the memory and painful emotion deep inside, which creates the exiled wounded child part.

• 2. The Perfectionist Part Steps Up to Prevent Pain (Proactive Part): Once the wounded part is buried, the internal system realizes it can never allow the wounded part to be triggered or exposed again. The proactive part emerges to police your life and prevent future pain before it can happen again. This part's strategy is, "If I can be perfect and never make mistakes, no one can ever reject or hurt me again."  This part takes over your consciousness and establishes impossibly high standards. This might work reasonably well for you as a child and you get praise from relatives and teachers, which reinforces this survival strategy. 

• 3. The Inner Critic Develops a Preemptive Shield: As life becomes more complex, maintaining 100% perfection becomes impossible. To protect you from the crushing blow of external judgment, a harsher manager called the inner critic, develops after the perfectionist develops. The inner critic believes that beating you up first (before you get external criticism) provides a safe shield. The inner critic's logic is, "If I criticize you for being lazy or messy before anyone else notices, I'll force you to fix it before others are able to hurt you." The inner critic often adopts the same words, attitude and tone of the critical authority figures from your past (parents, teachers and critical others). The inner critic learned that those voices are what define "safety" and "correctness".

• 4. The Parts Freeze in Time: The primary reason why these parts continue to be problems is that they are frozen in the past. Your perfectionist and critical parts often don't know that you are no longer child. They still believe you are that fragile child that couldn't survive without them.  

• 5. The Parts Take on Healthy Roles: As part of IFS therapy, you learn to have a dialogue and a relationship with these parts of yourself to help them to understand that you now have adult resilience.  As you develop a trusting relationship with these parts, they usually realize for the first time that you are no longer a fragile child that needs protection and they can relax instead of staying in exhausting roles. This allows them to take on healthy functions. For instance, instead of obsessively criticizing and striving for perfection, they might encourage you with a sense of healthy motivation.

Conclusion

For the sake of simplicity, I have described an inner world that has one wounded part, one proactive defensive part and one reactive defensive part. 

In reality, there are usually many wounded, proactive and reactive parts to heal.

Although I have focused on perfectionism, the IFS step-by-step process is the same for any other problem.

In my next article, I'll discuss how IFS therapy works to heal perfectionism.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

If you have been trying without success to work through your problems, you could benefit from working with an IFS therapist.

IFS therapy can help you to heal your problems so you can be live a more fulfilling life free from your traumatic history.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, EFT Couples Therapy and Certified Sex Therapist.

I provide depth-oriented, experiential therapy to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as online via secure telehealth.

• Initial Contact: I provide a complimentary 15-minute introductory phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.

• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What is Somatic IFS? 

How Does IFS Therapy Help You to Understand Yourself? 

How Can IFS Therapy Help With Anxiety? 

What is Complex Trauma?

While a single event, like a car accident or a natural disaster, can cause acute shock trauma, complex trauma refers to a severe psychological condition resulting from chronic, repetitive interpersonal wounds. Often rooted in childhood abuse, profound neglect, or ongoing domestic captivity, complex trauma occurs over an extended period, forcing the individual to develop survival adaptations that impact long-term mental health. As a trauma therapist in New York City, I see firsthand how understanding the multi-layered nature of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is the vital first step toward true clinical recovery and systemic healing.

What is Complex Trauma?

According to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), 1 in 7 children experience abuse or neglect.

What Are the Symptoms of Complex Trauma For Adults?

The symptoms of complex trauma can include any of the following:

• Feeling anxious
• Feeling depressed
• Experiencing flashbacks
• Experiencing nightmares
• Avoiding circumstances that remind you of the traumatic events (emotional avoidance)
• Having difficulty managing emotions
• Perceiving yourself in a distorted way
• Feeling worthless
• Avoiding or having difficulty with personal relationships
• Feeling disconnected from yourself or others (a form of dissociation)
• Having problems remembering parts of your childhood 
• Having difficulty providing a comprehensive narrative of your childhood memories, which can include fragmented memories.
• Experiencing sleep problems
• Experiencing sexual problems
• Experiencing medical problems, like Type 2 diabetes
• Feeling body aches, including migraines, stomach and digestive problems, arthritis
• Experiencing low energy or fatigue
• Misusing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food
• Engaging in other compulsive or impulsive behavior, including compulsive gambling, sexual compulsivity, and other behaviors

Examples of Complex Trauma

Complex trauma usually begins in childhood.  These events are recurrent, overwhelming and longstanding, and they are usually perpetrated by other adults, like family members, family friends, neighbors, clergy, and so on.  These incidents often occur over a span of weeks, months or years.

Examples of complex trauma include:

• Physical abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Sexual abuse (see my article: Overcoming the Trauma of Sexual Abuse)

• Profound child emotional neglect (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?)

• Abandonment

• Parentification (role reversal where child takes on the parental role)

• Medical abuse or trauma

• Torture or being held captive

• Living in a war zone or in an area with civil unrest

And so on.

Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy For Complex Trauma

The following mind-body oriented therapies are often effective to overcome complex trauma:

• EMDR Therapy which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (see my article: How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain)

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy (see my article: Trauma Therapy: The Therapeutic Benefits of Somatic Experiencing)

• AEDP, which stands for Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (see my articles: What is AEDP?  Part 1 and Part 2).

• Hypnotherapy, which is also known as Clinical Hypnosis (see my article: What is Clinical Hypnosis?)

• Parts Work Therapy: Ego States Therapy of Internal Family System (see my article: How Parts Work Can Be Empowering)

Get Help in Therapy

If you are experiencing complex trauma symptoms, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Once you have worked through your unresolved trauma, you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I am a trauma therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

I see clients in my office in Greenwich Village in New York City and online.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Childhood Trauma With the Ideal Parents Protocol

This article was updated on September 10, 2026.

The Ideal Parents Protocol—often integrated into modern attachment repair as the Ideal Parent Figure (IPF) method—is an advanced, neurobiologically grounded visualization framework designed to heal childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and insecure attachment styles. 

Originally developed by Alfred Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso in 1964 as a core pillar of body-based Pesso Boyden Psychomotor Therapy (PBSP), the protocol was later adapted by Harvard psychologist and hypnotherapist Dr. Daniel Brown in 2016. While the original PBSP modality relied on group dynamics and physical touch, modern adaptations utilize a solitary, internal guided visualization process to foster neuroplasticity and emotional repair (see my article: How Can Visualization Transform Your Life?).

Constructing a blueprint for safety: The Ideal Parents Protocol utilizes attuned internal visualization to introduce the nervous system to true physiological relaxation and secure attachment.

Having trained in this framework through both a PBSP colleague and advanced clinical hypnosis protocols over two decades ago, I frequently witness its profound efficacy for adult psychotherapy clients in my private practice.

How Does the Protocol Rewire Attachment Trauma?

The Ideal Parents Protocol is highly effective for adults navigating the fallout of developmental trauma, parental narcissism, or childhood emotional neglect. The protocol aims to rewire an individual's internal relational blueprint by constructing new, emotionally resonant imaginary memories of secure attachment. Because the human brain processes vivid, deeply felt visualization using the same neural pathways as real-world experiences, visualizing an idealized caregiving environment provides the central nervous system with a new baseline for safety and connection.

Clinical application indicates this specialized visualization framework can systematically counter the neurological damage of developmental trauma through five distinct healing mechanisms:

1. Down-Regulating Chronic Hypervigilance (Safety and Protection): Individuals from abusive or neglectful backgrounds often exist in a chronic state of sympathetic nervous system activation because their primary caregivers were the source of threat rather than safety.
   • The Healing Mechanism: The visualization guides the client to experience internalized caregivers who are unconditionally safe, protective, and non-threatening. This neuroception of safety allows the adult nervous system to release chronic survival strategies, introducing the body to true physiological relaxation.
2. Replenishing the Emotional Deficit (Nurturance): Childhood emotional neglect leaves adults feeling unseen, inherently unlovable, and isolated due to a historical lack of parental responsiveness.
   • The Healing Mechanism: The client visualizes ideal parents who offer unconditional warmth, love, and emotional comfort. This targeted imagery acts as a psychological "time machine," filling childhood structural gaps, fostering self-compassion, and anchoring a sense of inherent self-worth.
3. Validating the Internal Reality (Attunement): Dismissive, chaotic, or gaslighting caregivers teach a child to reject their own emotions and intuition.
   • The Healing Mechanism: The idealized figures in the protocol maintain perfect emotional attunement. They accurately read, mirror, and validate the client’s imagined facial expressions, vocal tones, and body language, retraining the adult client to trust their own emotional reality.
4. Dissolving Core Toxic Shame (Belonging): Traumatized children frequently internalize the belief that their fundamental emotional and physical needs are an annoying burden to their caregivers.
   • The Healing Mechanism: The protocol prompts the client to imagine parents who are explicitly delighted by their presence. Expressing pure joy simply because the child exists directly targets the adult's core shame of "taking up space" or being inherently "needy."
   • Cultivating a Blueprint for Independence (Autonomy): While controlling caregivers sabotage a child's psychological growth, neglectful parents ignore it entirely, often leaving adults paralyzed by a fear of failure or success.
     • The Healing Mechanism: The client visualizes parents who enthusiastically encourage exploration, celebrate developmental milestones, and support independence. This instills a secure internal baseline, allowing the adult to confidently pursue career objectives, personal boundaries, and healthy adult relationships.

 Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling with unresolved childhood trauma, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who includes the Ideal Parents Protocol among her trauma therapy modalities.

When you have freed yourself from your traumatic past, you can live a more fulfilling life.

Contact & Consultation Information

I see clients online throughout New York State and in person at my private office in Greenwich Village, New York, NY 10011.

I offer a free 15-minute introductory phone call before scheduling your initial appointment.

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.

Also See My Articles

Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool For Change

Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want 

How Can Imaginal Interweaves Heal Trauma?

Relationships: Asking Your Partner For Emotional Support

Many people in relationships have problems asking for their emotional needs to be met because it requires intense vulnerability and it also triggers deep fears of rejection, judgment or fear of abandonment.

Asking Your Partner For Emotional Support

In addition, our American culture treats emotional self reliance as a strength which causes many people to view their normal human needs as character flaws or signs of weakness.

Childhood Conditioning

Childhood conditioning can also play a role:

• Early Childhood Emotional Neglect: If someone's childhood emotional needs were minimized, ignored or punished, their nervous system learned that asking for their emotional needs to be met was emotionally and physically unsafe (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?).

Childhood Emotional Neglect

• The "Easy" Child Trap: Many people learned as children that they had to earn love and approval by being low maintenance, quiet and overly accommodating and this belief often persists on an unconscious level in adulthood in their relationships.

• Hyper-Independence: Childhood emotional neglect often forces children to become overly self sufficient beyond their developmental capacity, but this is a pseudo-independence because it's a survival mechanism driven by fear and neglect rather than a natural, healthy stage of development. This builds thick emotional walls against relying on anyone else. This pattern continues into adulthood which makes it difficult to ask for emotional support in a relationship (see my article: Masking Vulnerability and Shame By Pretending You Don't Need Anyone).

Fears and Psychological Barriers

• Fear of Being a Burden: People frequently convince themselves that their feelings will overwhelm, stress out or inconvenience their partner. 

Fears and Psychological Barriers to Asking For Emotional Support

• Shame of Being "Needy": Internalized shame makes people worry they will be perceived by their partner as being too "needy", dramatic, high maintenance or emotionally unstable. They have learned from early childhood, often on an unconscious level, that their normal emotional needs were "too much". This often occurs because their parents were overburdened with just trying to survive. For example, the parents  might have been working two or more jobs just to be able to meet basic needs. In many cases, the parents also didn't have their own emotional needs met and this emotional neglect is part of a long line of intergenerational trauma (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?.).

• The Mind Reading Myth: Many individuals have an unspoken belief that if their partner really loved them, they would automatically know what they need without being asked (see my article: Are You Expecting Your Partner to Be a Mind Reader?).

• Emotional Disconnection: Decades of suppressing feelings can leave someone fuzzy or completely unaware of their own emotional needs.

Relationship Dynamics

• Fear of Rocking the Boat: When a relationship is going relatively well, individuals might remain silent about their unmet emotional needs to protect the harmony in their relationship and avoid conflict.

• Past Experiences of a Partner Weaponing Vulnerability: Some people avoid asking for what they need emotionally because their emotional needs and vulnerabilities in prior relationships were used against them as leverage or ammunition during arguments.

What Are Practical Strategies For Asking For What You Need From Your Partner?

Focus on Your Internal State

• Identify Your Feelings: Pinpoint your emotional need (loneliness, feeling invisible, feeling overwhelmed) before speaking to your partner.

Locate Physical Sensations Related to Emotions

• Locate the Physical Sensation: Notice where the tension is located in your body to help you to connect with what you need. 

• Name the Core Deficit: Figure out if you need reassurance, physical touch, focused attention or validation (see my article: What is Emotional Validation and Why is It Such a Powerful Skill in Relationships?).

• Learn to Separate the Past From the Present: Acknowledge whether your current emotional reaction is being driven by old unresolved childhood wounds or prior relationship experiences (see my article: Learning to Separate Past Experiences From Your Current Experience).

Use Specific Communication Techniques

• Lead With Vulnerability: Use "I feel" statements rather than "You make me feel..." statements.

Asking Your Partner For Emotional Support

• Say the Hard Truth: If you feel afraid to express your needs, start with a phrase like, "It's really scary for me to admit this, but..."

• Describe Your Internal State: Feel into your internal state and become aware if you're telling yourself a story that might not be true. For instance, recognize if you're telling yourself something like "He's bored with me" or "He doesn't love me anymore" when this isn't true. Then, tell your partner, "I'm telling myself that you're bored with me" (or whatever you're feeling) and allow your partner to respond.

• Make Requests That Are Actionable: Ask for specific behaviors instead of vague concepts. For example, instead of saying "I need you show you care more", say "I need you to hold my hand while I'm talking to you about my feelings."

Asking Your Partner For Emotional Support

• Ask For a Specific Time: Ask your partner something like, "Can we find 20 minutes tonight to talk about something that has been weighing on me?" If it's not the right time, schedule another time that works for both of you. If you have children, choose a time when you won't be interrupted.

• Remove All Digital Distractions: Turn off and put away phones, turn off the TV, put away the computer and other distractions and sit face-to-face before diving into your discussion.

• Reassure Your Partner in Advance: If they haven't done anything that is making you unhappy, reassure them that they're not in trouble--you just need to share your feelings.

• Keep the Conversation to a Manageable Length: Focus on a specific emotional needs rather than listing months or years of unmet emotional needs (see my article: How to Stop "Kitchen Sinking" Your Partner).

Responding to Your Partner's Reaction

• Appreciate Your Partner's Willingness to Listen and Communicate: Thank your partner for listening--even if the conversation is awkward and uncomfortable. Recognize that your partner is experiencing their own emotional vulnerability by just listening.

Express Appreciation to Your Partner

• Validate Your Partner's Perspective: Acknowledge your partner's response. For instance, if your partner is opening up to hearing your unmet needs and you recognize that your partner is tired, acknowledge this to them by saying something like, "I realize you're tired and I appreciate that you're hearing me out."

• Allow Room For Pauses: Give your partner time to emotionally process what you are saying without rushing in to fill in the silence.

• Schedule a Future Check In: Propose circling back in a few days to see how the new approach to communicating your needs is working for you and for your partner.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

Communicating your emotional needs to your partner can be challenging especially if you never learned to do it before.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

A skilled couples therapist who is a licensed mental health professional can help you to learn to express your emotional needs and work out problems in your relationship.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced couples therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS, Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

Before setting up an appointment, I provide a free 10-15 minute telephone call.

You can call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: How is Curiosity a Gateway to Empathy?

This article was updated on September 16, 2026.

In clinical practice, curiosity serves as a foundational gateway to empathy by reframing our cognitive mindset from judgment to active exploration. True emotional resonance requires a willingness to comprehend what lies beneath the surface; you cannot authentically share a feeling that you haven’t first tried to understand. By constructing a cognitive bridge for deeper interpersonal connection, cultivating a curious mind breaks down internal barriers to empathy through several distinct psychological pathways.

Curiosity is a Gateway to Empathy

Curiosity is the capacity to feel and understand another person's internal experience. However, you cannot share a feeling that you have not first tried to understand. Curiosity bridges this gap by creating the cognitive framework for deeper emotional connection. 

Curiosity breaks down the barriers to true empathy through several important mechanisms:

Curiosity Replaces Judgment With Inquiry: 

• Assumptions Are Blocked: When you enter an interaction with a curious mindset, your brain stops trying to instantly categorize, label and judge the other person's behavior.

• Understanding "Why" Becomes Prioritized: Instead of dismissing a behavior you don't like with a statement like, "He's being hostile towards me", curiosity poses the question, "What is causing him to react in this way?"

• Cognitive Loops Are Interrupted: This simple shift de-escalates emotional defensiveness which makes space to objectively observe the other person's reality.

Curiosity Unlocks Deep Listening:

• Focus is Externalized: Curiosity allows you to set aside your internal dialog, your biases and your premeditated responses.

• Meaning is Prioritized Over Winning: When you focus on trying to understand the meaning of the interaction, you stop focusing on your counter-argument or a need to offer unsolicited advice.

• Open-Ended Exploration is Invited: By asking non-judgmental questions, you actively invite the other person to share their nuanced, authentic experience.

Curiosity Expands Your Imagination

• Perspective-Taking is Activated: Curiosity and empathy encourages you to put yourself in the other person's place.

• New Perspectives Can Be Explored: Curiosity provides the spark to wonder about other perspectives and other realities that are different from your own.

• Biases Are Dismantled: Curiosity can help you to bridge the gap so you can empathize with others.

Clinical Vignette

The following vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how curiosity can lead to empathy:

Ann and Frank

Ann and Frank were married for 10 years.  During that time, whenever Ann became fearful or anxious, Frank became impatient and harsh with her, "Why are you afraid to go on this job interview? You have the skills and experience to get this job. Stop worrying so much."

Whenever Frank spoke to her in this way, Ann felt her feelings were dismissed by Frank and  then she felt ashamed of herself. Logically, she knew had the right skills and experience, but she didn't feel this way emotionally.

When they attended their next couples therapy session, Ann brought up how dismissed and ashamed she felt whenever Frank scolded her for being fearful and anxious. 

When their therapist explored what was happening for Frank emotionally when Ann got anxious or fearful, at first, he said he wasn't aware of feeling anything about it. So, their therapist asked Frank to slow down and sense into his body while remembering the conversation he had with Ann.

After a few moments, Frank remembered, "When I was child, whenever I tried to talk to my father about how scared I was of trying out for the Little League team, my father yelled at me and told me I had to face my fears and stop being a baby. He gave me a disgusted look like he was ashamed of me for being scared. That's how it was whenever I told him I was scared--until I stopped telling him."

As he said this, Frank's eyes welled up with tears, "I felt so ashamed, so I pushed down my fears and toughed it out."

At that point, Frank realized he was dismissing and shaming Ann in the same way his father dismissed and shamed him, "All I ever wanted was for my father to encourage me and give me emotional support. I realize now that's what Ann wanted, but whenever she feels anxious and afraid, it brings up those old feelings for me that I pushed down when I was a kid. It's so hard for me to tolerate because it triggers my own insecurities." Then, he apologized to Ann.

Their therapist spoke to them about using curiosity as a way to avoid judgment, criticism, dismissiveness and shaming.

Ann and Frank practiced these new skills in their couples therapy sessions as well as between therapy sessions. When he was able to get curious, he felt empathetic towards Ann and he discovered that Ann's fear and anxiety were also tied to her own childhood experiences of emotional neglect.

Frank became much more emotionally supportive and, in the process, he was able to talk in session about his own insecurities that he was never able to express as a child. Feeling understood for the first time by his wife and his therapist helped Frank to heal these old wounds.

Ann was also able to talk about how she was affected by emotional neglect in her family and she realized that, as adults, she and Frank could be emotionally supportive of each other as one way to heal their emotional wounds.

Being able to support one another also helped Ann and Frank to deepen their emotional connection (see my article: How to Develop Emotional Depth in Your Relationship).

Conclusion

Curiosity is a gateway to empathy.

Understanding the underlying issues that get in the way of being curious can help you to understand the emotional barriers you might be experiencing to feeling empathetic (e.g., unresolved traumatic childhood experiences).

Get Help in Therapy

If you have difficulty letting go of defensiveness that gets in the way of getting curious, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

Working through these issues in therapy can help you to live a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I offer a free 15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

I see clients in my Greenwich Village office in New York City and online.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Developing Curiosity and Self Compassion 

Maintaining a Sense of Wonder As An Adult 

Nurturing Your Relationship