How Avoidance of 1ntimacy Turns Into Emotional Distance in Relationships

One of the most common reasons why couples seek help in couples therapy is due to lack of emotional and sexual intimacy (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?).

Sexual Avoidance Turns Into Emotional Distance

Why Do Couples Avoid Emotional and Sexual Intimacy?

Emotional and sexual avoidance is a complex issue with many possible causes including relational and psychological issues.

Sexual avoidance creates relationship distance by transforming lack of sexual avoidance into emotional detachment. 

Sexual Avoidance Turns Into Emotional Distance

Sexual avoidance is rarely just about sex. It often involves relational, emotional, psychological and behavioral factors. For some couples, it can include physical and medical factors.

Sexual avoidance and emotional distance often stem from one or both partners feeling the need to protect themselves from against vulnerability and pressure. 

Sexual Avoidance Turns Into Emotional Distance

This can set up a cycle where an avoidant partner pulls away and the other partner feels rejected, anxious and lonely.

Here are some of the most common reasons for sexual avoidance and emotional distance:

Relational Issues:

• Communication problems
  

• Lack of trust
  

• Power struggles
  

• Mismatched libido (also known as desire discrepancy)
  

• Lack of relationship satisfaction

• Other unresolved problems

Emotional and Psychological Issues:

Unresolved trauma for one or both partners including:

• A history of sexual abuse
  

• A history of sexual assault

• Anxiety including

• Performance anxiety
  

• Painful sex
  

• General anxiety
  

• Low self esteem
  

• Body image issues
  

• Negative conditioning including strict cultural or religious beliefs that associate sex with guilt and shame (see my article: Overcoming Shame and Guilt Due to Cultural Issues).

Physical or Medical Conditions

• Chronic pain

• Cardiovascular problems

• Diabetes

• Hormonal imbalances including low testosterone

Behavioral Patterns

• An obsessive avoidance of sexual intimacy

• A tendency to detach emotionally or feel unsafe with closeness

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy where individuals or couples seek help (see my article:    What is Sex Therapy?).

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy does not include any nudity or sex during therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).

Individuals and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: What Are Common Reasons Why Individuals and Couples Seek Help in Sex Therapy?).

Not all couples therapists have training as sex therapists so it's important to ask whether or not a couples therapist is a certified sex therapist.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who ia a certified sex therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What is Sexual Self Esteem?

What is Good Sex?

Creating Sexual Desire With the Simmer Technique?