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The honeymoon phase of a relationship is also known as the limerence phase. I'll use both terms, honeymoon phase and limerence phase, interchangeably throughout this article.
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| Developing Your Relationships Beyond the Honeymoon Phase |
I've discussed this early stage of a relationship in prior articles:
Transitioning From the Honeymoon to the Post-Honeymoon Phase in a Relationship
Many couples have difficulty maintaining a relationship beyond the honeymoon phase.
In the current article, I'm addressing how to develop a relationship that lasts beyond this early phase and what to do if you're struggling.
As I've mentioned in earlier articles, the honeymoon phase is a time when you and your partner idealize each other.
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| Developing Your Relationship Beyond the Honeymoon Phase |
The honeymoon phase is a state of mind where you're infatuated or obsessed with someone. It's usually an involuntary state in terms of how you feel.
Depending upon the individuals and the circumstances involved, the honeymoon phase can be a time of euphoria or a time of despair.
You might feel euphoric if you and the person you're infatuated with both feel the same way and you're focused on the areas where you're compatible. Or, you might feel despair if the person you're infatuated with is unavailable to you.
Generally, the honeymoon phase lasts anywhere from a few months to a couple of years and, as I discussed in a prior article, there are three subphases:
- Infatuation Phase: The most idealized phase at the very beginning of the relationship.
- Crystallization Phase: The idealization phase begins to fade and a more realistic perspective develops.
- Deterioration of the Honeymoon Phase: Idealization fades, signs of differences begin to emerge and the couple needs to decide whether they want to work on the challenges that come up during this phase or if they want to end the relationship.
How Can a Couple Navigate Past the End of the Honeymoon Phase?
Inevitably, you and your partner are going to discover that you're not compatible in every single area.
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| Developing Your Relationship Beyond the Honeymoon Phase |
You both might be reluctant to acknowledge this especially if the honeymoon phase was so gratifying. But if you want to remain in the relationship and the incompatibilities aren't dealbreakers, you can find a way to transition to the post honeymoon phase.
Here are the most common issues after the end of the honeymoon phase:
- You and your partner might discover over time that the incompatibilities between you make you feel frustrated, annoyed and disappointed. You each might feel you didn't see this coming and it's not what you signed up for at the beginning of the relationship.
- Once you discover these incompatibilities, you might feel resentful that you should even have to deal with them.
- If the incompatibilities aren't dealbreakers for either of you and you both want to remain in the relationship despite your differences, you can develop relationship skills, including negotiating skills, to deal with these differences and continue to enjoy the areas where you're compatible.
Both you and your partner have to be willing to work out these incompatibilities while you're transitioning from the honeymoon to the post honeymoon phase.
This transition can be anxiety provoking because you might not know the fate of your relationship while you're in the middle of transitioning. So, it takes a real commitment to try to work through these issues because there's uncertainty as to whether they can be worked out.
What Other Factors Might Impact Your Relationship?
In addition to discovering your incompatibilities, you might experience other factors that have an impact on your relationship:
- Work stress
- Family stress
- Financial stress
- Boredom
- Other demands on your time and attention that can erode your bond
Tips For Transitioning from the Honeymoon to the Post Honeymoon Phase
Here are some tips that can help you through this transition:
- Recognize and Accept that the Honeymoon Phase is Temporary: Even though the honeymoon phase can be an exhilarating time, be aware that it's temporary. If you don't accept that it's temporary, you might think there's something wrong with your relationship. If you think the post honeymoon phase indicates something is wrong, you might find yourself continually looking for new relationships each time your current relationship enters into the post honeymoon phase.
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| Developing Your Relationship Beyond the Honeymoon Phase |
- Prioritize Each Other and Have New Experiences: Even though you have transitioned from casual dating to a committed relationship, you and your partner can continue to enjoy your relationship by:
- Making each other the priority
- Having new experiences
- Keeping an open mind
- Taking risks
- Be Open to Getting to Know New Things About Each Other: There are still a lot of things you probably don't know about each other. So, being open to exploring things you haven't discovered yet helps to keep the relationship alive and interesting.
- Share New Experiences: Maintain an open line of communication by communicating with each other about new experiences, new discoveries, new ideas and your feelings about what's important to you.
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| Developing Your Relationship Beyond the Honeymoon Phase |
- Be Willing to Talk About Tough Topics: Instead of avoiding tough topics, talk about them openly. These topics might include:
- Cultural issues like religion, family traditions and so on
- Finances
- Whether or not to have children
- Where you want to live
- Other topics that are important to one or both of you
- Communicate in a Healthy Way: Communicate your differences in a healthy way. In other words, arguments are normal, but you need to be able to disagree while still respecting your partner's right to have different opinions. Instead of fighting against one another, learn to come together to tackle the problems between you.
When to Seek Help in Couples Therapy
Even though a couple might want to form a lasting bond, one or both partners might not have the necessary relationship skills to do it.
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| Seeking Help in Couples Therapy |
This might mean that you didn't grow up in a family environment where you saw a healthy relationship between your parents.
It could also mean that you never remained in a relationship beyond the honeymoon phase, so you're unfamiliar with the post honeymoon phase and you continually seek the excitement of that early phase.
For a variety of reasons, you and your partner might have difficulty developing a lasting bond that goes beyond the early stage of the romance, so you might need help.
A skilled couples therapist can help you to develop the necessary skills to successfully navigate the challenges in the post honeymoon phase.
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled couples therapist so you can have a more fulfilling relationship (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples: EFT?)
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples and I have helped many couples to overcome emotional, relational and sexual challenges in their relationship.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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