Coping With the In-Between State of Change

The in-between state of change can be challenging because you are between an old reality that has ended and a new reality that hasn't developed yet (see my article: Navigating Life's Transitions).

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

Although that in-between state of change can feel scary and uncertain, it can also be a powerful time when many new possibilities open up for you. It all depends on how you navigate that time in your life (see my article: Opening Up to New Possibilties in Your Life).

What Are Liminal Spaces in Your Personal Life?

This in-between state is also known as a liminal space.

Liminal means occupying a place at a boundary or a threshold. 

I'll be using the terms "in-between state" and "liminal space" interchangeably in this article.

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

In psychology a liminal space is a transition or the initial stage of a process. You are at the threshold of having ended something in your life and not yet having begun the next stage.

Some examples include:

• Graduating high school but not yet starting college
• Leaving an old job and not yet starting a new job
• Letting go of an old identity but not yet establishing a new identity 
• Being in the process of moving from an old home and traveling to a new one
• Retiring for a job and not feeling comfortable yet in a new life as a retired person
• Being in the process of making a decision where the status quo no longer fits but you don't yet know what will be next
• Leaving an old relationship and not knowing what comes next 
• Grieving the death of a loved one

How Personal Liminal Space Can Affect Your Mental Health

Most of the time a personal liminal space isn't inherently negative of dangerous. 

There are exceptions, of course: If you lose your job and you don't have savings, it's understandable that you would be under a lot of stress until you find your next job.

In most other circumstances, however, it's your perception of being in an in-between state that might be affecting you.

If you respond to an in-between state as being dangerous when, objectively, it's not, you can feel overwhelmed, anxious and upset because you don't know how to cope with this stage in your life.

This might be especially true if you grew up in an environment where these types of changes were responded to with high anxiety and feelings of foreboding.

How to Cope With Liminal Spaces in Your Personal Life

Everyone experiences transitions in life. There's no way to avoid it.

Assuming that your basic needs are taken care of during a transitional time, you can learn a new way to cope with transitory periods in your life:

• Learn to Accept the In-Between State of Change: Since everyone experiences times when they are in liminal space, rather than trying to resist or deny it, learn to accept this time. Acceptance doesn't mean you like it or you will react to it in a passive way. It just means that you acknowledge that it is happening. Even though it might feel scary and uncertain and you might not be able to control the circumstances, you can control your own thoughts and reactions. For instance, you can't control the death of loved one, but you can find healthy ways to grieve the loss (see my articles: Awareness and Acceptance and Grieving and Healing From Losses).

Accept What You Can and Can't Control

• Create Routines: Creating routines can help to give you a sense of security and stability. For instance, if you have lost a job or you retired, rather than having a lot of unstructured time, create routines for sleeping and waking up, make time for hobbies, get regular exercise or go for walks in nature, etc. (see my article: Starting the Day With a Positive Intention).

Create Personal Rituals in a Mindful Way

• Create Personal Rituals: Whereas a routine is a functional, repetitive task to provide structure and efficiency to manage your life, personal rituals are intentional, meaningful actions that provide purpose, emotion and symbolism. Personal rituals are actions you create for yourself and which exist on a continuum from basic to more elaborate. You can take what might otherwise be a mundane task and create a personal ritual. For instance, if you normally drink your tea while being on "autopilot", you can drink your tea in a mindful way by enjoying the quiet of the day, breathing the aroma, feeling the warmth of the tea and noticing the taste (see my articles: The Power of Rituals and The Power of Personal Rituals).

Practice Mindfulness: Be Here Now

• Practice Mindfulness: Much of the distress of being in a transitional state comes from catastrophizing about what might happen. In retrospect, you might discover that many of your fears didn't materialize. So, to stay calm, take a pause and bring your attention to the present moment. Bring your attention to your body to focus on your breathe. If that feels too challenging, choose a color (let's say blue) and count how many things around you are the color blue. This helps you to orient yourself to your present time and place rather than worrying about what might or might not happen in the future (see my article: Being in the Present Moment).

The Hero's Journey

• Express Yourself in Creative Ways: Much of the current literature and entertainment come from "The Hero's Journey", which the American mythologist, Joseph Campbell, wrote about in his book, The Hero of a Thousand Faces. He identified as a pattern in mythology, both ancient tales and modern stories, where the protagonist travels from the "Known World" to the "Unknown World", faces challenges along the way, meets helpers and returns transformed. The creator of Star Wars, George Lukas, was influenced by "The Hero's Journey". You can also reframe a time of being in an in-between space as being on a journey from the "Known World" to the "Unknown World" and how you will be transformed along the way. You can do this by writing, storytelling or drawing.

Get Help in Therapy

• Get Help in Therapy: If you're having a difficult time coping on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to cope with this difficult time. A skilled psychotherapist can help you to feel emotionally supported and to learn new skills and strategies to cope. So, rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples to overcome trauma and navigate changes in their life.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance Your Life 

Overcoming Fear of Change 

Coping With Midlife Transitions