Coping With the In-Between State of Change

The in-between state of change can be challenging because you are between an old reality that has ended and a new reality that hasn't developed yet (see my article: Navigating Life's Transitions).

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

Although that in-between state of change can feel scary and uncertain, it can also be a powerful time when many new possibilities open up for you. It all depends on how you navigate that time in your life (see my article: Opening Up to New Possibilties in Your Life).

What Are Liminal Spaces in Your Personal Life?

This in-between state is also known as a liminal space.

Liminal means occupying a place at a boundary or a threshold. 

I'll be using the terms "in-between state" and "liminal space" interchangeably in this article.

Coping With the In-Between State of Change

In psychology a liminal space is a transition or the initial stage of a process. You are at the threshold of having ended something in your life and not yet having begun the next stage.

Some examples include:

• Graduating high school but not yet starting college
• Leaving an old job and not yet starting a new job
• Letting go of an old identity but not yet establishing a new identity 
• Being in the process of moving from an old home and traveling to a new one
• Retiring for a job and not feeling comfortable yet in a new life as a retired person
• Being in the process of making a decision where the status quo no longer fits but you don't yet know what will be next
• Leaving an old relationship and not knowing what comes next 
• Grieving the death of a loved one

How Personal Liminal Space Can Affect Your Mental Health

Most of the time a personal liminal space isn't inherently negative or dangerous. 

There are exceptions, of course: If you lose your job and you don't have savings, it's understandable that you would be under a lot of stress until you find your next job.

In most other circumstances, however, it's your perception of being in an in-between state that might be affecting you.

If you respond to an in-between state as being dangerous when, objectively, it's not, you can feel overwhelmed, anxious and upset because you don't know how to cope with this stage in your life.

This might be especially true if you grew up in an environment where these types of changes were responded to with high anxiety and feelings of foreboding.

How to Cope With Liminal Spaces in Your Personal Life

Everyone experiences transitions in life. There's no way to avoid it.

Assuming that your basic needs are taken care of during a transitional time, you can learn a new way to cope with transitory periods in your life:

• Learn to Accept the In-Between State of Change: Since everyone experiences times when they are in liminal space, rather than trying to resist or deny it, learn to accept this time. Acceptance doesn't mean you like it or you will react to it in a passive way. It just means that you acknowledge that it is happening. Even though it might feel scary and uncertain and you might not be able to control the circumstances, you can control your own thoughts and reactions. For instance, you can't control the death of loved one, but you can find healthy ways to grieve the loss (see my articles: Awareness and Acceptance and Grieving and Healing From Losses).

Accept What You Can and Can't Control

• Create Routines: Creating routines can help to give you a sense of security and stability. For instance, if you have lost a job or you retired, rather than having a lot of unstructured time, create routines for sleeping and waking up, make time for hobbies, get regular exercise or go for walks in nature, etc. (see my article: Starting the Day With a Positive Intention).

Create Personal Rituals in a Mindful Way

• Create Personal Rituals: Whereas a routine is a functional, repetitive task to provide structure and efficiency to manage your life, personal rituals are intentional, meaningful actions that provide purpose, emotion and symbolism. Personal rituals are actions you create for yourself and which exist on a continuum from basic to more elaborate. You can take what might otherwise be a mundane task and create a personal ritual. For instance, if you normally drink your tea while being on "autopilot", you can drink your tea in a mindful way by enjoying the quiet of the day, breathing the aroma, feeling the warmth of the tea and noticing the taste (see my articles: The Power of Rituals and The Power of Personal Rituals).

Practice Mindfulness: Be Here Now

• Practice Mindfulness: Much of the distress of being in a transitional state comes from catastrophizing about what might happen. In retrospect, you might discover that many of your fears didn't materialize. So, to stay calm, take a pause and bring your attention to the present moment. Bring your attention to your body to focus on your breathe. If that feels too challenging, choose a color (let's say blue) and count how many things around you are the color blue. This helps you to orient yourself to your present time and place rather than worrying about what might or might not happen in the future (see my article: Being in the Present Moment).

The Hero's Journey

• Express Yourself in Creative Ways: Much of the current literature and entertainment come from "The Hero's Journey", which the American mythologist, Joseph Campbell, wrote about in his book, The Hero of a Thousand Faces. He identified as a pattern in mythology, both ancient tales and modern stories, where the protagonist travels from the "Known World" to the "Unknown World", faces challenges along the way, meets helpers and returns transformed. The creator of Star Wars, George Lukas, was influenced by "The Hero's Journey". You can also reframe a time of being in an in-between space as being on a journey from the "Known World" to the "Unknown World" and how you will be transformed along the way. You can do this by writing, storytelling or drawing.

Get Help in Therapy

• Get Help in Therapy: If you're having a difficult time coping on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to cope with this difficult time. A skilled psychotherapist can help you to feel emotionally supported and to learn new skills and strategies to cope. So, rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples to overcome trauma and navigate changes in their life.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance Your Life 

Overcoming Fear of Change 

Coping With Midlife Transitions

How to Stop Living Your Life on Autopilot

What is Autopilot Mode?

Autopilot is also known clinically as "cognitive disengagement."

Living on autopilot happens when you live your life based on routines, habits and external expectations instead of making conscious and intentional choices.

Getting stuck in autopilot is a common problem (see my article: How to Get Out of a Rut).

How to Stop Living Your Life on Autopilot

Many people just go through life disengaged and without joy--just going through the motions.

To stop living your life on autopilot, you can start by making small intentional changes to break repetitive pattens so you can re-engage with your life.

What Are Signs That You're Stuck in Autopilot?

• You follow the same routines every day without awareness or conscious choice.

• You lose touch with what you used to enjoy because you're just trying to "get through the day"

• You numb yourself with distractions including social media, TV and busywork.

Examples of Living on Autopilot

• Maria: Maria lived her life based on a set routine: Wake up, make coffee, cook, clean, take care of the kids. The next day she would repeat the same routines. Weekends were basically the same. She did this day after day for 10 years before she realized she had a vague sense of dissatisfaction with her life, but she didn't know why.  She began experiencing vague aches and pains so she saw her doctor who ruled out any physical problems. He recommended that she seek help in therapy. Shortly after she began therapy, Maria realized she was living her life on autopilot and she was deeply unhappy with her routines and habits, so she worked with her therapist to break free of her routines so she could live more consciously.

• Steve: Steve felt he had a great job, but in the last few years he was stagnating in his career. He realized he was intentionally avoiding taking on new projects and challenges out of fear of stepping outside his comfort zone.  He also realized that his marriage was stagnating because he and his wife had drifted into set routines where they would spend the evening either zoning out in front of the TV or on their phones. As he became more self aware, he also realized his wife was drinking a lot, but he couldn't pinpoint when this began because they were both living their lives on autopilot. So, they each sought help in individual therapy as well as couples therapy so they could break free of their routines and develop new interests separately and apart. After a while, his wife realized she was drinking out of a sense of boredom and she stopped.

How to Stop Living Your Life on Autopilot

• Interrupt the Pattern: Put down your phone and try something new. Start small with one particular habit and branch out from there. For instance, if you always eat cornflakes for breakfast, try something new. Be present and in the moment while eating or doing other tasks (see my article: Breaking Habits With Pattern Interruptions).

How to Stop Living Your Life on Autopilot

• Approach Routines With Mindfulness: Instead of zoning out while you're doing the dishes or doing other routine tasks, slow down and engage your five senses--sight, sound, smell, touch and, if applicable, taste. When you become more aware, routine tasks become a lot less routine (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection and Mindfulness Meditation).

• Think About What You Really Want to Do: Instead of focusing on what you think you should do or what's expected of you, ask yourself what you want to do. Try journaling to self reflect and see what comes up.

How to Stop Living Your Life on Autopilot

• Get Curious: Autopilot keeps you zoned out. So, getting curious about something you're interested in helps to counteract autopilot tendencies. Maybe you've always been curious about Impressionist painters, learning a new language or doing improv. Allow yourself to be open to new experiences--even if it feels a little scary at first (see my article: Being Open to New Experiences).

How to Stop Living Your Life on Autopilot

• Seek Novelty: Instead of relying on old habits and routines, be aware that autopilot thrives on habit and sameness. So, try something new. Join a book club or join a new discussion group to allow yourself to get motivated and inspired.

Get Help in Therapy

Living on autopilot might have felt safe at some point in your life. Maybe you felt comforted by routines and habits because you didn't have to think or feel. 

Getting Help in Therapy

But if you feel you're stagnating in life and you're unable to break free on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has helped clients to overcome this problem.

There might also be deeper reasons why you're stuck in autopilot including unresolved trauma.

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to live your life with intention and purpose which will make your life more meaningful.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

10 Self Care Tips to Start Your Morning With a Sense of Well-Being

Starting your morning with healthy self care routines can improve your overall perspective and sense of well-being for the rest of the day (see my article: Overcoming the Morning Blues).

Self Care Tips to Start Your Morning With a Sense of Well-Being

10 Self Care Tips to Start Your Morning

Depending upon how much time you have in the morning, here are 10 ways to improve your overall mental health throughout the day:

1. Prepare the Night Before: Rather than waking up and rushing around to figure out what you're wearing and what you need for the day, prepare everything the night before. This would include: laying out your clothes, gathering any work items that you'll need to take with you, having your MetroCard ready, making sure you have enough cash, having your keys handy, etc.
2. Wake Up Feeling Rested: One of the keys to having a sense of well-being is having a good night's sleep (see my article:  Tips For Getting Better Sleep).
3. Let the Sunshine In: Getting 5-10 minutes of sunlight in the morning can help to clear away grogginess and to wake you up feeling ready for the day. So, open your curtains and let the sunshine in. If you wake up before the sun comes up, turn on a lamp or consider getting a light therapy lamp (see my article: Coping With Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
4. Hydrate: Drinking water in the morning not only quenches your thirst, it can also help you to clear up cognitive confusion related to dehydration. If you don't especially like drinking water, you can add some lemon or lime to give it flavor.
5. Avoid Technology: Reaching for your phone or computer as one of the first activities of the day can become compulsive. It's easy to get lost on social media or responding to texts and emails rather than taking care of yourself. So, unless it's absolutely necessary, refrain from using technology as part of your morning routine.
6. Start the Day With an Intention: Starting your day with a healthy intention can help to improve your mood and overall perspective (see my article:  The Power of Starting Your Day With An Intention).
7. Eat a Nutritious Meal: A healthy breakfast can help you to feel more energized during the rest of the day. You'll also be less likely to eat unhealthy foods, like donuts or junk food during the day because you'll already be full.
8. Get Physical: Whether you go out for a morning walk, jog or do other cardio and/or core exercises in the morning, getting physical in the morning can help to boost your endorphins, which will give a boost to your mood. In addition, it can help to tone your body and reduce weight.
9. Meditate: Spending 5-10 minutes meditating in the morning can help to calm your mind and body (see my article: The Safe Place Meditation).
10. Be Grateful: Being mindful of the people and things in your life to feel grateful for is a great way to start the day. Rather than focusing on all the negative things in your life and in the world in general, practice gratitude (see my article: Keeping a Gratitude Journal).

Getting Help in Therapy

There might be times in your life when you engage in self care routines and yet you wake up feeling anxious, depressed or have a sense that your life lacks meaning or purpose.

Rather than struggling on your own, you could benefit from working with an experienced psychotherapist who can help you to overcome your problems.  

While therapists are out of their offices due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they are practicing therapy using teletherapy, which is a convenient and effective way to provide psychotherapy services (see my article: The Advantages of Online Therapy When You Can't Meet With Your Therapist in Person).

Help is just a phone call away, so rather than struggling on your own, take the first step to getting help by calling a licensed mental health practitioner in your area.  

When you work through your problems with an experienced therapist, you can improve your mood and lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Emotionally Focused therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I am currently providing teletherapy services during the current pandemic.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.