Understanding Your Avoidant Attachment Style Can Help You to Break the Negative Cycle In Your Relationship

In my prior article, I focused on people who have an anxious attachment style in their relationship. 

In today's article, I'm focusing on people who have an avoidant attachment style from an Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples (EFT) perspective.

An Avoidant Attachment Style and the Negative Cycle

As I mentioned in the prior article, approximately 80% of couples have the anxious-avoidant attachment style dynamic in their relationship (see my article: What is Your Attachment Style in Your Relationship?).

Characteristics of an Avoidant Attachment Style During a Relationship Conflict

People with an avoidant attachment style might have some or all of the following characteristics:

• Withdrawing emotionally during a conflict

• Behaving in a disdainful way towards a partner who shows emotion

• Appearing to be distant or aloof

• Giving their partner the "silent treatment" (also known as stonewalling)

• Seeing themselves as independent and self-sufficient (as part of a defense mechanism)

How to Overcome the Negative Cycle in an Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic

As I mentioned in my previous article, each partner, regardless of their attachment style, can learn new relationship skills in EFT couples sessions including (but not limited to):

• Developing a self reflective capacity to become aware of your thoughts, feelings and behavior before you express them

• Learning to respond instead of react (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting to Stress)

• Creating an emotionally safe environment to talk about difficult issues in your relationship

• Learning to be compassionate with yourself and your partner

• Learning to engage in active listening, so you understand what your partner is trying to communicate to you, instead of being focused on what you want to say next

• Learning to be emotionally vulnerable, assuming you and your partner have created an emotionally safe environment, to create closeness (see my article:  Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Intimacy)

Getting Help in EFT Couples Therapy

If you and your partner are stuck in a negative cycle, you both might be struggling to improve your relationship.

Rather than continuing in a negative cycle, seek help from a licensed mental health professional, who is trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples.

A skilled EFT couples therapist can help you to create the changes you both want so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, trauma therapist, couples therapist and sex therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience working with individual adults and couples. 

I have advanced training in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, EMDR, AEDP, hypnotherapy, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.