Relationships: How to Try to Prevent Implicit Betrayals

In my prior post, Coping With Implicit Betrayals, I defined implicit betrayals in relationships and discussed how to cope if you discover an implicit betrayal in your relationship.

I wrote the article about coping with implicit betrayals first because many couples discover there have been implicit betrayals before they even know what that term means and before they have discussed these issues as a couple.

Preventing Implicit Betrayals in Your Relationship

In the current post, I'm discussing how to try to prevent implicit betrayals.

While you might not be able to completely avoid this kind of problem in your relationship, you and your partner can try to prevent it by being proactive and taking certain steps.

I suggest you read my prior article if you haven't already to understand what implicit betrayals are, but here's a brief review:

Implicit betrayals includes (but is not limited to) non-obvious violations of trust including:

• Emotional affairs that are hidden from the partner
• Financial infidelity including secret bank accounts, hiding big expenditures, etc.
• Withholding affection, chronic criticism or stonewalling
• Gaslighting
  
• Emotional disengagement (also known as quiet quitting)
• A conditional commitment to the relationship
• Neglect or selfishness
• Consistent broken promises
• Lying by omission including not being completely honest with your partner
• Online infidelity including romantic or sexual texts with others in chats
• Consistently siding with a third party against your partner (e.g., mother, father, in-law, friend or other family member)

How to Try to Prevent Implicit Betrayals

I use the word try because you can't control their partner.  However, there are things you can do to try to prevent implicit betrayals:

• Don't Rush Into a Relationship: Take it slowly and get to know the other person well including their values and how they define implicit betrayals (see my article: How to Stop Rushing Into a Relationship Too Quickly).

Preventing Implicit Betrayals in Your Relationship

• Practice Clear Proactive Communication: Although you might think your partner and you are both on the same page with regard to implicit betrayals, you might discover that you're not after you discover an implicit betrayal. So, practice clear communication about what you consider implicit betrayals. For instance, if neither you nor your partner mind online romantic or sexual chats with other people, that's not an implicit betrayal. But if you do, you need to be clear and specific about that as well as other forms of implicit betrayals.

• Align Expectations With Reality: Acknowledge your partner for who they are and your relationship for what it is and not how you want things to be. Make sure you're both on the same page with regard to a commitment to the relationship and other issues that are important to you. Don't assume you're in a committed relationship just because you have been seeing each other for a certain amount of time. Talk about how you feel and your partner feels about the status of things between you (see my article: Are You and Your Partner on the Same Page About Your Relationship?).

• Practice Moderate Vulnerability: While you don't want to be a completely "closed book" during the early stage of a relationship, avoid deep vulnerability until you know your partner well and trust has been earned for each of you.

• Define and Set Personal Boundaries: Have clear communication at the beginning of a relationship about what each of you would consider an implicit betrayal. Be specific. Don't assume that you and your partner feels the same way about it (see my article: How to Set Boundaries in Your Relationship).

• Manage Your Triggers: If there have been trust issues because you have unresolved trauma from childhood that involved trust violations, learn to manage your triggers. Identify your triggers and learn to manage them. Also, know when you're reacting to the past and not to the present (see my articles: Coping With Triggers and Reacting to Your Present Circumstances Based on Your Traumatic Past).

• Don't Compromise Your Self Respect: Be calm and assertive when your boundaries have been crossed. Keep promises you have made to yourself. Don't allow your partner to disrespect you in order to maintain the relationship (see my article: What is the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behavior?).

• Practice Self Care: Build your own resilience  so that if a betrayal does occur your sense of self isn't destroyed.

Get Help in Therapy

Some people have problems being clear on what implicit betrayals mean to them because they are either inexperienced with relationships, don't know how to communicate or their boundaries were consistently violated when they were growing up so they have problems separtating the past from the present.

Get Help in Therapy

If you're unclear about what implicit betrayals mean to you, you could benefit from doing your own individual therapy with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to overcome unresolved trauma so you can understand and communicate your personal needs and boundaries.

If you and your partner are having difficulty negotiating an agreement about implicit betrayals or other aspects of your relationship, you could benefit from working with a a couples therapist who can help you both to understand and communicate your needs and come to an agreement. 

If you can't come to a mutual agreement, a couples therapist can help you to break up in a conscious, respectful and compassionate way so you can both move on without regrets about how you ended your relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Coping With Implicit Betrayals

What Are Implicit Betrayals?

Implicit betrayals in relationships refers to subtle, non-physical violations of trust that break unspoken expectations in a relationship. 

Unlike affairs, implicit betrayals are often dismissed or rationalized, but they can be just as damaging to a emotional intimacy and traumatic in a relationship.

Coping With Implicit Betrayals

What Are Examples of Implicit Betrayals?

• Emotional Affairs: Forming a deep intimate or romantic connection with someone else and hiding it from the partner (see my article: Are You Having an Emotional Affair?).

• Contempt and Disrespect: Humiliating a partner in front of others including eye rolling, using sarcasm or mocking a partner (see my articles: Improve Communication By Eliminating the "4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse" and Belittling Behavior).

Coping With Implicit Betrayals

• Withholding Affection or Stonewalling: Consistently refusing to communicate, withholding affection or shutting down during a conflict in order to exert control (see my article: Are You a Stonewaller?)

• Gaslighting: Manipulating a partner into questioning their own memory, perception or sanity as a way to avoid accountability (see my article: The Silent Treatment and Gaslighting as Forms of Emotional and Psychological Abuse)

• Disengagement: When a partner stops caring, stops trying and emotionally leaves a relationship without actually physically leaving the relationship (see my article: What is Quiet Quiting in a Relationship?)

• Conditional Commitment: Acting as if you're only in the relationship until someone "better" comes along or frequently threatening to leave a relationship during arguments

Coping With Implicit Betrayal

• Siding With a Third Party: Siding with a third party, like a mother, mother-in-law, friend or another relative, against the partner

• Financial Infidelity: Keeping secret accounts, hiding debt or making big purchases and hiding it from a partner (see my article: What is Financial Infidelity?).

• Neglect and Selfishness: Consistently prioritizing hobbies, work or friends over a partner 

• Broken Promises: Failing to follow through on promises or commitments which erodes trust (see my article: Broken Promises: Surviving Infidelity)

• Lying By Omission: Purposely hiding information to avoid conflict or hide a secret life (see my article: When Trust Breaks Down: Lies of Omission)

• Digital Infidelity: Engaging in romantic or sexual chats, virtual relationships or intense, hidden messages on social media without the other partner's agreement

What to Do If You Discover an Implicit Betrayal?

Discovering an implicit betrayal can be as damaging and traumatic as discovering a physical affair.

Since these types of betrayals are often involve a "gray" areas or unspoken rules, healing requires a high levels of transparency and intentional communication:

• Acknowledge the Trauma: Recognize and acknowledge that feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and shame are valid. 

• Prioritize Stabilization: Before making any long term decisions about the relationship, prioritize your immediate physical and emotional health: regular sleep, eating nutritious meals and calming your nervous system with breathing and grounding exercises.

Coping With Implicit Betrayal

• Avoid Self Blame: Practice self compassion rather than completely blaming yourself or feeling less worthy for a partner's implicit betrayal.

• Establish Safety Over Trust: Rebuilding trust can take months or years, but establishing safety can occur immediately through total transparency:

• Transparency: The betraying partner offers unprompted access to electronics, location sharing, financial records or in any area where trust was betrayed.

• Honesty: All questions should be answered without defensiveness, minimization or shifting the blame onto the other partner.

• Set Clear Boundaries: Define what is acceptable behavior. This could include no contact with with specific people, shared calendars and designated times to talk about the betrayal so it doesn't consume all of your time together (see my article: Setting Boundaries in a Relationship).

Coping With Implicit Betrayal

• Communicate Using "I" Statements: When discussing the betrayal, use non-accusatory language. For instance, say "I felt invisible to you when you shared your feelings with the other person instead of coming to me" vs. "You betrayed me".

• Evaluate the Future of the Relationship: Ask yourself these important questions to decide whether to stay or go:

• Is my partner taking responsibility without making excuses?
• Was it a one-time occurence or has it been a pattern of behavior?
• Does my partner show genuine remorse and a willingness to do the hard work involved with repairing the relationship?
• Am I staying because I want to or because I'm afraid to leave?

Get Help in Therapy

Implicit betrayals can be difficult to negotiate on your own.

Individual therapy or couples therapy can help you to work through these difficult issues. In many cases, it can be beneficial for each person to start with individual therapy and then continue in couples therapy. 

Get Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can deal with the trauma of an implicit betrayal and live a happier, more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is the Connection Between Secrets and Shame?

Secrets and shame are connected in many ways:

• Shame often drives keeping secrets.

• Keeping secrets creates more shame.

The Connection Between Secrets and Shame

• Shame and secret keeping often create an ongoing cycle of:
• Isolation
• Rumination
• Anxiety
  
• Guilt
• Negative self judgment
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Depression
  

How is Keeping Secrets Different From Maintaining Privacy?

While secrecy is often about concealing information due to shame or fear, maintaining privacy is about setting boundaries and choosing what information to share. 

Privacy usually doesn't involve shame or fear (see my article: Privacy vs Secrecy in a Relationship).

The Connection Between Secrets and Shame

A person who maintains privacy limits access to their life in terms of what they want to share, to whom and how much they want to share or not share.

The motivation for maintaining privacy is autonomy and personal space. An example of this is if a young child asks a parent how much money they earn and the parent knows the child can't handle this information in a responsible way, the parent might keep this information private until the child is mature enough to be responsible with it.

A person who maintains secrets is actively hiding something they feel ashamed about. Their motivation is to conceal something, avoid judgment or other negative consequences. An example of this is a husband who keeps a secret from his wife about gambling away his paycheck.

How Do Secrets Affect Relationships?

As previously mentioned, keeping secrets creates shame and shame can create secrets (see my article: Why Do People in Relationships Keep Secrets?).

• Fear of Being Judged as Having Flaws: People who keep secrets from loved ones often experience fear and shame that their loved ones will see them as flawed if they knew certain things about them. This might include their mental health status, financial struggles, addiction or similar issues.

The Connection Between Secrets and Shame

• Inauthentic and Emotionally Distant Relationships: Keeping secrets involves presenting an inauthentic self to loved ones. People who hide certain aspects of their life have to pick and choose what to tell their loved ones and keep track of what they have already told them. These secrets create emotional distance. Over time, as an individual continues to keep secrets, even if the other partner doesn't know what the secrets are, the emotional distance widens to the point where it can damage the relationship beyond repair.

• Betrayal and Mistrust: If the secret is discovered, the partner who discovers the secret feels betrayed and mistrusts for their partner. In many cases, depending upon the secret and the couple involved, a secret can ruin a relationship (see my article: Common Relationship Problems After Infidelity).

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical case is a composite of many cases with all personal information changed to protect confidentiality:

Jim

A big part of Jim's job was frequent travel around the country. He often had secret affairs while he was away and he never told his wife, Linda, about them because he considered them harmless. At the time, his attitude was: What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Jim also liked the way he felt when he was able to attract women and have sex with them (see my article: The Connection Between Infidelity and the Need to Feel Desirable).

During a one week business trip to California, Jim met Tina at a hotel bar and they spent a few nights together. He told Tina he was married and he had no intention of leaving his wife. He said they could have fun together while he was in California, but their time together would never amount to more than that.

The Connection Between Secrecy and Shame

A month later Jim heard from Tina that she was pregnant with his child and she planned to have the baby. He told Tina that he wanted nothing to do with her or the child. He tried to convince her to have an abortion, but she insisted she would have the child. She also told him that, unless he gave her a large sum of money, she would contact his wife and tell her about the child.

Shocked and upset, Jim didn't know what to do. In the past, he had many affairs and there were never any consequences. After getting the call from Tina, he felt angry with himself for not using a condom and believing her that she was on a birth control pill. 

Jim didn't want to hurt Linda. He also feared that Linda would leave him if she found out about the affair and the pregnancy.  He felt deeply ashamed and, after thinking about it, he decided to ignore Tina's calls and keep the secret from Linda.

Although Linda didn't know his secret, she sensed something was off between her and Jim. She asked him numerous times if there was something wrong because she sensed he was emotionally distant from her. 

Jim denied there was anything wrong. Inwardly, his felt increasingly ashamed. He felt so awful that he thought he didn't deserve Linda. He developed anxiety, insomnia and ruminating thoughts about the end of his marriage.

A few months later, when Jim came home, he found Linda sitting on the couch looking very upset. His worst fears were confirmed when Linda told him she received a call from Tina about the affair and the pregnancy.  She told Jim she wanted to know the truth.

After much hesitation, Jim admitted that he had an affair and he heard from Tina that she was pregnant. He said that without a paternity test to confirm the baby was his, he wasn't sure if he was the father, but he feared that the baby might be his.

At Linda's request, Jim moved into a hotel. Linda said she needed time to think about whether she wanted to remain in the marriage. Although he had opportunities to have sexual affairs while he was at the hotel, he felt so depressed that he rejected women who approached him.

A month later, Linda said she wanted to attend couples therapy to see if their relationship could be salvaged. 

During couples therapy Jim admitted to having numerous affairs which he now regretted. He expressed sincere remorse. He also admitted he had been selfish and he now realized he put their relationship at risk. In response, Linda expressed her anger, hurt, disappointment and sense of betrayal.

Soon after that, Jim entered into his own individual therapy to understand the underlying reasons for why he cheated, to make changes and to try to save his marriage. 

Subsequently, a paternity test revealed that Jim wasn't the father of the baby. Linda decided to stay in couples therapy with Jim to see if they could repair their relationship and if she could regain trust in him.  She told him that she wasn't promising him anything but, after investing 20 years in their marriage, she wanted to give it a try (see my article: Rebuilding Trust After an Affair).

Conclusion

Secrets and shame are connected in an ongoing destructive cycle.

Keeping secrets is different from maintaining privacy for the reasons mentioned above.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling with secrets, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

Being able to talk about a long-held secret can provide you with a sense of relief. 

Although a psychotherapist can't tell you what to do, she can help you to sort out how the secret has been affecting you and your loved ones so that you can make decisions about what to do and how to change.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States) therapist, Somatic Experiencing and a Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How to Stop Cheating and Repair Your Relationship

Toxic Family Secrets  

Breaking the Code of Silence in a Dysfunctional Family

The Psychological Stages of Forgiveness 

Being in the Role of the Affair Partner

What Are the Telltale Signs of a Serial Cheater 

When Trust Breaks Down in a Relationship: Lies of Omission

Relationships: How to Rebuild Trust After You Have Betrayed Your Partner

Several years ago I wrote an article about rebuilding trust after a betrayal in a relationship focusing on the person who was betrayed. 

In the current article I'm focusing on how the person who betrayed their partner can try to rebuild trust.

Rebuilding Trust After You Betrayed Your Partner

How Can You Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship After You Have Betrayed Your Partner?

If you have betrayed your partner and your partner is willing to give you a second chance, be aware that this can be a delicate time in your relationship.

Even if you both want to try to work it out, it might not last. The reason for this is that many couples who try to work on their relationship after a betrayal discover the road to rebuilding trust is harder than they anticipated and they just can't get there.

Rebuilding Trust After You Have Betrayed Your Partner

If you're sincere and you're both willing to do the work, here are some suggestions that can help:

• Listen to Your Partner Express Their Pain: You need to listen to your partner express the pain you caused them without getting defensive or making excuses. This often involves more than just one conversation, but if you want to regain your partner's trust, you need to be attuned to their pain. Your partner might need time to fully realize the affect of this betrayal, what it meant to them and how they will express it to you. Allow them the time and space to do it.

Rebuilding Trust After You Have Betrayed Your Partner

• Acknowledge the Harm You Did and Validate Your Partner's Feelings: After you have listened attentively without getting defensive, be open and honest in acknowledging the pain you caused your partner. Let your partner know you're aware of how much you hurt them.  

• Offer a Sincere Apology: Saying "I'm sorry" once is unlikely to be enough. You might need to express your genuine remorse for your betrayal more than once and over time.

• Be Open to Talk to Your Partner About How the Two of You Got to This Point: It's important that you take responsibility for your actions without any excuses. But it's also important, when the time is right, for the two of you to talk about how you both got to this point in your relationship. If it's too difficult for the two of you to do this on your own, consider couples therapy where a a licensed mental health professional can help you both to have these difficult conversations, work towards healing and begin the process of rebuilding trust.

Rebuilding Trust After You Have Betrayed Your Partner

• Be Consistent and Dependable: Keep your promises. Maintain whatever commitments you made to your partner. These include both big and small commitments. Be predictable in your behavior--show up when you say you're going to show up and do what you said you would do. You need to demonstrate to your partner that you're trustworthy.

• Communicate Openly and Honestly: Share your thoughts and feelings and be an active listener when your partner communicates with you--even though it might be hard to hear how much pain you caused them.

Rebuilding Trust After You Have Betrayed Your Partner

• Reflect on Your Behavior and How You Need to Change: Examine your behavior and address patterns you need to change.

• Make a Commitment For Positive Change: Be sincere about making positive changes and then show your partner how you're making these changes.

Rebuilding Trust After You Betrayed Your Partner

• Provide Reassurance: In the aftermath of your betrayal, your partner will probably need more reassurance from you than before they discovered the betrayal. So, find ways to show you care. Create an atmosphere of safety so that, over time, your partner can regain trust in you.

• Work on Developing a Better Connection With Your Partner: Create positive shared experiences together to reinforce your bond.

• Be Patient and Allow Time For Healing: Healing after a betrayal is a process and the process can't be put on a timetable. There is no quick fix. Once trust has been broken, it takes time to heal and everyone heals in their own time.

What If You and Your Partner Discover Your Relationship is Beyond Repair?

As mentioned above, it's not always possible to rebuild trust--even when both people really try.

There are times when both people make a genuine effort to rebuild trust, but in the process they discover they have reached an impasse. 

Your Relationship Might Be Beyond Repair

For instance, your partner might realize they really can't overcome their hurt and resentment or you might realize you're not willing or able to make the necessary changes needed to rebuild trust.

At that point, you should both attempt to separate in a way that doesn't cause any additional pain.

Once you have decided to end the relationship, be clear about boundaries.

Take Time to Grieve

Take time to grieve the end of the relationship. 

Practice self care. 

Seek emotional support from people close to you.

Consider getting help from a licensed mental health professional to help you heal.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing, Parts Work Therapist (IFS and Ego States Therapy) and a Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my article:

What Do You Consider Cheating?

Why Do People in Relationships Keep Secrets From Each Other?

In a prior article, I discussed the difference between privacy and secrecy in a relationship (see my article: Privacy vs Secrecy in a Relationship).

What's the Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Secrets in a Relationship?

Aside from maintaining your own privacy in a healthy way, there can be other healthy reasons for maintaining certain secrets.

Discovering Secrets in a Relationship

Healthy Secrets

An example of a healthy secret would be a surprise. For instance, if one of the partners is planning to propose, they would probably want to surprise and delight their partner by taking them to their favorite restaurant and proposing with an engagement ring.

Similarly, one of the partners might want to surprise the other with a gift, a birthday party or a much desired vacation.

In both cases, these secrets were temporary and would add to the partner's pleasure.

Unhealthy Secrets

Unhealthy secrets include but are not limited to:

• Hiding Deceitful Behavior: Using a secret to hide deceit; manipulation; betrayal, lying, including lies of omission, often leads to mistrust and can ruin a relationship.  An example of this would be infidelity, including emotional infidelity.

• Hiding Serious Issues: Hiding serious issues, like serious medical problems; financial issues, including financial infidelity; an addiction, among other issues, can weaken or destroy a relationship. 

Why Do People in Relationships Keep Secrets From Their Partner?

There can be many reasons why people keep secrets from their partner, including:

• Maintaining Power and Control: The partner who is keeping a secret to maintain power and control over their partner is engaging in an unhealthy dynamic. Maintaining this dynamic can lead to a decrease in emotional intimacy, emotional distancing, resentment and the potential demise of the relationship.

• Feeling Shame and Guilt: Someone who feels ashamed or guilty about something they did will often keep it a secret because they fear their partner will reject or leave them.

• Feeling Fear of Criticism and Judgment: Even if a partner doesn't leave, they might be critical or judgmental about what their partner did, so the partner keeps it a secret so they don't have to deal with the criticism or judgment.

Keeping a Secret Due to Fear of Criticism

• Avoidance: Related to the above, someone might want to tell their partner about their secret, but they fear how their partner might react, so they procrastinate. The procrastination might be short term or it can be indefinite.

• Experiencing Lack of Trust in the Partner: When someone doesn't trust their partner, they might not want to be vulnerable by revealing what they did, so they keep it a secret.

• Having Poor Communication Skills: Someone who doesn't have good communication skills might not know how to reveal something negative to their partner, so they keep it a secret.

• Having Poor Interpersonal Skills: Someone who has poor interpersonal skills might not know how to approach their partner about something they did, so they keep it a secret.

• Having Poor Relationship Skills: Similar to poor interpersonal skills, someone who has poor relationship skills might not understand the importance of being open and honest with their partner. In many cases, they grew up in a household where good relationship skills weren't modeled for them, so they never developed these skills. There might also have been toxic family secrets.

• Not Wanting to Be Accountable to a Partner: Similar to poor relationship skills, someone might not want to be held accountable by their partner for their actions.

• Being Selfish/Self Centered: Someone who is self centered and selfish might only think of themself and not how their secret might affect their partner.

• Wanting Revenge Against Their Partner/Payback: If someone is angry about something their partner did, they might intentionally keep a secret as a way of getting back. This often happens with infidelity where one partner finds out the other partner cheated and the first partner cheats too as a form of revenge--even though they keep the infidelity a secret.

• Wanting to Be the Betraying Partner After Having Been the Betrayed Partner in a  Current or Prior Relationship: When someone was betrayed in a prior relationship, they might want to gain power in the next relationship by being the betraying partner.

How Can Secrets Ruin a Relationship?

• Secrets Are Stressful: Keeping a secret often involves a lot mental and emotional energy on the secret keeper's part, which creates stress.  The partner who is keeping the secret might also feel stressed because they fear their partner will find out their secret. If someone is keeping a secret from their partner, they might are not be open and honest about other issues in the relationship.  

Secrets Are Stressful

• Secrets Create Mistrust and Resentment: When someone finds out their partner is keeping a secret, they can feel mistrustful of their partner as well as hurt and resentful. 

• Secrets Hurt Both Partners: Keeping a secret hurts both people. The secret becomes burdensome for the secret keeper. Snt,ecrets also create emotional distance between the two partners, which can result in loneliness for both people (see my article: Are Toxic Secrets Ruining Your Relationship?).

Getting Help in Therapy

Whether you're the secret keeper or you're in a relationship where you have discovered your partner has been keeping a secret, you don't have to struggle alone. You could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional (see my article: Coping With Secrets and Lies in Your Relationship).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're the one who is keeping a secret, being able to let go of a burdensome secret can free you from guilt and shame.  You can also work with a skilled therapist to how you want to deal with the issue.

If you're the one who has discovered a secret, you might feel overwhelmed with emotions that a licensed mental health professional can help you to work through.

Couples therapy can help you to work through a betrayal and strengthen your relationship, if you choose to stay together, or end your relationship in an amicable way, if you choose to end the relationship, so you don't bring issues from the current relationship to the next relationship (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples?).

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up an appointment, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.