Are You Thinking About Going to Therapy? How Do You Know When the Time is Right?

Knowing when it's time to begin psychotherapy isn't always easy for people, especially if they have misconceptions about therapy and who attends therapy (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

Are You Thinking About Going to Therapy? How Do You Know When the Time is Right?

People Are Better Informed About Psychotherapy These Days, So There is Less of a Stigma to Attending Therapy
Fortunately, there is less of a stigma attached to attending psychotherapy now than there used to be even 10 or 15 years ago because, generally, people are better informed about therapy.  But there are still people who assume that only "crazy people" need to attend therapy or that people who attend therapy are "weak."  These are big misconceptions about therapy and who should attend psychotherapy (see my article: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Going to Therapy Means You're Weak).

In reality, psychotherapy is a common form of treatment that is used by people who are quite sane, but who need help to overcome certain obstacles in their lives that they've been unable to overcome on their own.

Keys to Knowing When to Seek Help From a Licensed Psychotherapist:

• You've Tried to Work Out Your Problems On Your Own, But Your Problems Remain Unresolved:  One of the keys to knowing when to seek help from a licensed psychotherapist is when you've tried to work out your problems on your own, but nothing that you've done so far has worked.  Self care is very important--eating nutritious food, getting enough rest, and engaging in exercise that's right for you.  But there are certain problems that don't go away with just self care, and you need the expertise of a licensed mental health professional to help you overcome your problems.

• You've Talked to Loved Ones About Your Problems, But Nothing Has Changed:  Another key to knowing when to attend therapy is after you've talked to friends and loved ones about your problems, but nothing has changed. While it's very important to have a strong emotional support system, there are times when your loved ones cannot help you to overcome your emotional problems because they don't have objectivity or the psychological expertise to help you.  That's when you can benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist.

• You've Read Self Help Books, But You Still Have Problems:  Self help books can be helpful to a certain extent.  They often provide you with simple tips for getting through the day and managing your problems, which is important.  But the problem is that self help books are written in a general way, and there's no way that the author can know your particular problem.  While you might get good advice, if you're still in emotional pain, you need to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional.

• You've Spoken to Your Medical Doctor, But Your Emotional Problems Persist: Many people start by talking to their medical doctors about their emotional problems.  This is often a good idea if there's some question as to whether your problems are related to a medical problem.  For instance, if you're having headaches, you can't just assume that it's stress.  It could be related to a medical issue.  Once your doctor has ruled out that your problems aren't of a medical nature and, in fact, the problems are of a psychological nature, it's important to get help from an experienced therapist who has expertise in your particular problem.

• You've Tried Medication, But You're Still in Emotional Pain: The pharmaceutical companies have been doing a lot of advertising on TV, the Internet, and magazines.  The impression that many people are left with is that you just pop a pill and you'll be cured.  This appeals to anyone who wants a "magic bullet" to cure their problems.  But usually, it's more complicated than that.  There are times when psychotropic medication has been shown to be no more effective than a placebo.  There are also many people who don't like the side effects of medication.  This doesn't mean that people should stop taking their medication.  What it does mean is that it's often not the answer to solving people's emotional pain.  And, even when psychotropic medication is effective, research has shown that the combination of psychotherapy and medication tends to be the most effective in working through psychological problems.

Getting Help in Therapy
I usually recommend that clients come in for a consultation before we begin to work together.  This gives both of us a chance to meet and see if we are a good match.  You might not be able to tell from one session, but I usually encourage people to trust their instincts when they're choosing a therapist, and also to choose a therapist who has expertise in the particular area where you're having a problem.

When you call to make an appointment for a consultation, you can ask about a therapist's expertise and experience.

I've also included a link for an article (below) about common misconceptions about psychotherapy.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, you can call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Read my article:
Common Myths About Psychotherapy

Are You Sabotaging Yourself With Negative Self Talk?

Negative self talk can become so automatic and persistent that you don't even realize that you're sabotaging your own efforts by giving yourself negative messages.  When negative self talk becomes so habitual, the more you engage in it, the more you reinforce this negativity.

Are You Sabotaging Yourself With Negative Self Talk?

What is Negative Self Talk?
Everyone has his or her own version of negative self talk.

Some people compare themselves to others unfavorably to others and then tell themselves that that they could never measure up to these other people.

Here are some examples:

• Comparing yourself to pictures of models in magazines and then berating yourself for being overweight or being as attractive as the models
• Comparing how much money you make to other people's high income, and telling yourself that you'll never have financial success
• Comparing other people's success and telling yourself that you'll never amount to anything

Aside from comparing yourself unfavorably to others, there are many other kinds of negative self talk that can act as an saboteur:

• Criticizing yourself when your efforts don't bring success immediately rather than trying again
• Telling yourself that you're unlovable or worthless
• Telling yourself that you're stupid

And so on

Where Does This Negative Self Talk Come From?
For many people, negative self talk starts in their family of origin.  If they had a critical parent when they were growing up, they internalized these negative messages.  Then, as adults, they continued to give themselves the same messages--often without even realizing it.

How Can You Change Negative Self Talk?

• Becoming More Self Reflective and Aware

The first step to changing negative self talk is to become aware that you're doing it.   In order to become more aware, you need to become more self reflective and begin to pay attention to your internal self talk.

Do you offer yourself encouragement or discouragement?

Step back and observe yourself.

If you realize that you've developed a persistent habit of being self critical, you need to also be aware that this habit is an obstacle in your path.

• Admitting to Yourself that Your Negative Self Talk is a Problem

Once you've become aware of your problem, the next step is to start making the connection between your negative self talk and the consequences that it has had in your life.

While external factors might play a role in your feeling stuck, in order to change, you need to also admit to yourself that you're sabotaging yourself.

• Taking Action to Change

Once you've become aware and admit to yourself that your persistent negative self talk has become an obstacle for you, you need to take action to change.  Awareness alone, although a very important first step, isn't enough.

Begin to challenge yourself, whenever you engage in negative self talk, as if you were someone else questioning your own negativity.  Ask yourself for objective evidence that what you're telling yourself is true.  Engage in your own internal debate.

Ask yourself what a good friend, who knows you well, might tell you.

"Act as if" the negative self talk isn't true.  So, for instance, if you're telling yourself that you'll never be able to complete a project for work, acknowledge that this is how you're feeling, but put that aside and act as if you can.

In my opinion, "acting as if" is different from "fake it 'til you make it" because by"acting as if," you'll eventual discover that you're not faking it at all--you're really doing it.

By "acting as if," you're opening yourself up to new possibilities both within yourself as well as in external your world.

Getting Help in Therapy
If these tips for overcoming negative self talk don't work for you, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional.

For many people, negative self talk is linked to childhood trauma where there was emotional and/or physical abuse.  As a result, the trauma keeps getting triggered in their lives now as an adult and often shows up in negative self talk.

There are licensed psychotherapists who specialize in providing therapy to overcome trauma, and finding a therapist with expertise in trauma can help you to work through the trauma and also help you to stop engaging in negative self talk.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and one of my specialties is helping clients to overcome the effects of trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Strengths-Based Perspective in Psychotherapy: Looking at the Whole Person

Over the years, I've noticed that many clients, who have been in therapy before and who come to see me in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City, tend to describe themselves exclusively based on whatever psychiatric diagnosis they've been given in prior psychotherapy treatment.  The more psychotherapy they've had, the more likely they are to describe themselves based on a diagnosis from prior therapy rather than as a whole person.

A Strengths-Based Holistic Psychotherapy:  You're Not Your Diagnosis
As I've mentioned in prior blog posts, I believe it's important to look at the whole person and not look at a client only in terms of a diagnosis (see links below for my prior article on "Positive Psychotherapy - A Strengths-Based Perspective" and "Psychotherapy: You're Not Your Diagnosis").

Strength-Based Therapy: Looking at the Whole Person

Psychotherapists must use the American Psychiatric Association's DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) to obtain reimbursements from insurance companies.  

This is true whether the reimbursement goes to the client or the therapist, whether it's for in network therapy or out of network therapy.  But the diagnosis is, obviously, not the whole story about any one person.

For instance, one of my specialties is working with emotional trauma, and I've had many clients who have symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder who have demonstrated a lot of resilience and resourcefulness in their lives, despite the fact that they have had horrific experiences.  They might be starting psychotherapy because their history of trauma is getting triggered in their current life, but this does not negate the fact that they also have a lot of strengths.

Psychotherapists Should Help Clients to Recognize and Utilize the Clients' Strengths
When a psychotherapist looks at a client and a client looks at him or herself only in terms of a diagnosis, this does a great disservice to the client.

I believe one of the things that therapists should do with all clients is to help them realize that they have strengths and they have used these positive qualities to get themselves through tough times in the past.  It might not have completely resolved their emotional problems, but it has probably helped them a lot.

Recognizing Your Strengths

When clients are able to see themselves more holistically, as opposed to seeing themselves only in terms of their diagnosis, they're better able to access these qualities to help themselves.

One of the great joys I experience in my work with psychotherapy clients is seeing them be able to recognize and utilize the strengths they already have in addition to learning and developing new tools they can use to grow and live more meaningful and fulfilling lives.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you've been hesitant to start therapy because you fear being seen only in terms of a diagnosis, you could benefit from seeing a psychotherapist who has a more holistic approach.  

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Also, see my related articles:
Positive Psychotherapy: A Strengths-Based Perspective

Psychotherapy: You're Not Your Diagnosis

Psychotherapy: Overcoming the Shame That Keeps You From Starting Therapy

Shame can be a very debilitating emotion, especially when it comes to asking for help.  As a psychotherapist in NYC, I see many clients who have struggled with shame for years before they allow themselves to come to therapy for help, usually after their problems have gone from bad to worse and they're in an emotional crisis.

Overcoming Shame That Keeps You From Starting Therapy

Why Do People Feel Too Ashamed to Ask For Help in Therapy?
The reasons why many people are too ashamed to come to therapy vary with each person, but negative self judgment is often a major factor.

Negative Self Judgment: "I Should Be Able to Handle This Problem"
One of the most common underlying issues is an attitude of self judgment with an internal dialogue that says, "I should be able to handle this on my own"  or "If I was stronger, I wouldn't need help."  Many of these same people wouldn't judge their loved ones if they needed help, but they can be very punitive with themselves.

Why Do People Feel Shame and Negative Self Judgment? 
Often people who feel shame and engage in negative self judgment were placed in a role as a child where they had to act like an adult.  It's amazing how children, when placed in this role, will rise to the occasion and take on problems that are really beyond their development.  Of course, this comes at a great emotional price to them because they're not allowed to be children.

Shame and Negative Self Judgment Often Keep People From Coming to Therapy

Unfortunately, the fact that they're able to rise to the occasion and act like adults reinforces a parental attitude that they can handle problems that are really beyond them and perpetuates this cycle.  This isn't always intentional on the parents' part.  Often, this happens with parents who are overwhelmed and who were also called upon when they were children to take on this parental role.  So, it might not occur to them that it's not appropriate to ask children to take on what are really adult problems.

Being the Person That Everyone Else Comes to With Their Problems
Being raised as a parentified child primes a child to grow up to be an adult that everyone else comes to with their problems.  I've seen this so many times with psychotherapy clients who finally come to therapy for their own problems when they feel overwhelmed.  They'll often tell me that they're usually the ones that everyone leans on, but they don't feel comfortable asking for help from others.

Often, they understand, logically, that there are times when everyone needs help.  But it doesn't feel right to them on an emotional level because they're not used to being the ones who ask others for help.  On an emotional level, it feels wrong to them.

Part of the problem is that many of them have little or no experience, even as children, getting help.  These children usually learn to push down their own natural dependency needs in order to accommodate others.  After years of pushing down their own emotional needs, they don't feel them any more.  They've become so good at denying that they have needs of their own that they have little or no awareness of what they're feeling--until something big happens.

You Can Only Override Your Emotional Needs For So Long Before It Has Consequences For You
Denial is a very powerful defense.  You can be in denial for a long time before it begins to have consequences for you.  But, inevitably, denying your own emotional needs will have consequences.

The consequences can result in problems that are of an emotional, physical or even spiritual nature.  For example, you might ignore your need for help until it develops into a sleep problem.  Then, rather than considering that your problem might stem from your suppressed emotional needs, you go to the doctor and ask him or her for a sleep medication.

There Can Be Emotional and Physical Consequences to Ignoring Your Need For Help

A well-informed doctor will ask you if you're having particular emotional problems that are keeping up at night.  S/he will often recommend that you see a therapist to deal with these problems rather than just relying on medication, which may or may not work and might have side effects.  But many doctors are so busy that it's easier and faster to write a prescription than to explore underlying issues.

In fact, many medical problems have a strong psychological component that often go unrecognized.  Then, rather than treat the source of the problem, people go from one doctor to the next to treat the physical symptoms of an underlying psychological problem, like depression or anxiety.

Unfortunately, many people ignore their own needs until they reach an emotional, physical or spiritual crisis.  They might get to the point where they feel they can't get out of bed any more because they're so depressed.

Getting Help in Therapy 
It often helps to step outside your own experience and ask yourself if you would judge your best friend or a beloved family member if he or she came to therapy.  Then, ask yourself if shame and false pride are preventing you from being as emotionally generous with yourself as you would be with a loved one.

 Rather than allowing shame to get in your way, sometimes you need to allow your rational mind to tell you what your emotions are preventing you from seeing--that you need help from a licensed mental health professional and there's no need to feel ashamed of this.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic  Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I've helped many people to overcome shame so that they can lead fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Emotional Vulnerability of Being in a Romantic Relationship

Being in an intimate relationship can be one of the most healing experiences in your life when you feel loved and nurtured in your relationship.  At the same time, it can also be one of the most hurtful experiences when the one you love hurts you.

The Emotional Vulnerability of Being in a Romantic Relationship

It's often hard for many people to understand how it's possible for both things to be true at the same time in the same relationship, but this is a common experience.  Let's go beyond the surface and take a deeper look at these experiences, which can seem so contradictory, but really aren't.

Intimate Relationships
When you're in a serous relationship, you're in an intimate relationship.  Emotional intimacy can bring both feelings of love and nurturance as well as emotional pain because your spouse or partner is the closest person to you emotionally in your adult life.

When someone is that close to you emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually, there is the potential for him or her to say or do things, often unintentionally, that can hurt on a much deeper level than it would if someone else did or said the same thing.

Expectations That the One You Love Will Always Be There For You Emotionally
There is often an expectation that the one you love will always be there for you emotionally and will never hurt you.  In a perfect world, this would be true.  But we don't live in a perfect world and people often say and do things that hurt our feelings.  When it's the person who is closest to you, it not only hurts--it feels unjust.

It's important to make a distinction at this point:  What I'm referring to are common, occasional interactions between two people in a relationship--not physical abuse, frequent emotional abuse or major breaches of mistrust like infidelity.  I've written blog articles in the past about these topics and, of course, these are the most hurtful.  Here are some common examples of what I'm talking about:

Examples:
You and your partner get into an argument and, in anger and without thinking, he makes a critical remark about your weight gain.  You feel hurt and angry.

You come home happy and excited to tell your spouse about a major accomplishment at work and your spouse, who is tired and distracted, barely pays attention to what you're saying.  You feel hurt and deflated that he isn't sharing what was, until now, a happy moment for you.

You come home from a difficult day at work and feel the need for a little tender loving care from your spouse, but she is under a lot of stress too and tells you to look for another job if you're unhappy with your current job.  You feel hurt and misunderstood because you're not getting what you need at the moment.

As you can see from these example, these are hurtful experiences, but they're not, by themselves, reasons to end an otherwise good and stable relationship.  But, at the time, any of these experiences can leave you wondering, at that moment, how someone, who is usually loving and caring towards you, can be so unattuned to what you're feeling at that point in time.  You might say to yourself, "How can this be the same person who's usually so there for me and loves me?"

How You Respond to Your Partner Often Depends Upon Your Childhood History
How you respond to these occasional hurts often depends upon your childhood history.  So, on the one hand, if you were fortunate enough to grow up in a loving, nurturing home, you might feel hurt and annoyed at the moment, but when your spouse or partner apologizes for being so thoughtless, you'll  probably forgive him or her and make up, knowing that, as human beings, we all make mistakes.

Current Emotional Pain Can Trigger Emotional Pain From Childhood Trauma
On the other hand, if you had a traumatic childhood where there was a lot of physical or emotional abuse or emotional neglect, you might respond differently, especially if you haven't worked through your traumatic history.

For someone with an emotionally traumatic childhood history, even relatively minor slights can feel big.   This is because current hurts often trigger old hurts.  So, what happens is that you're not only feeling the emotional hurt from the present, you're also feeling the emotional pain from the past.  But it usually happens so fast that it's hard to distinguish the two feelings.

So, you often won't recognize that your emotional reaction contains the older traumatic feelings.  And your spouse or partner might not understand why you might be having such a big reaction to what's happening between you.  In turn, this can lead to more arguments and misunderstandings.

Getting Help in Therapy
There's no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Whenever you're in a stable, intimate relationship, it can cut both ways where you feel loved most of the time and you feel some emotional pain occasionally.  This is a common experience.

But if you realize, once you've calmed down, that your reactions to occasional emotional misattunements are out of proportion to what's going on in your current relationship, you might be responding to unresolved trauma, and you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional who works with trauma.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome emotional trauma so that they could live more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Tips For Overcoming Your Fear of Asking for Help

In the prior blog articles, I discussed why people are often afraid to ask for help and the consequences of either procrastinating with asking for help or not asking for help at all.  In this blog article, I'd like to offer some tips on overcoming your fear of asking for help.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

As I've mentioned before, shame is a major issue for people who are afraid to ask for help.  Usually, the shame originates from early childhood issues.  

Unfortunately, many children are made to feel ashamed when they ask their parents for help.  This is often unintentional on the parents' part.  The parents might feel overwhelmed or there might be many other reasons why they respond in a way that makes their children feel ashamed.  But the result is that the children grow up to feel ashamed and not entitled to ask for help.

Tips for Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

Change isn't always easy, but you can try these simple tips to try to overcome your fear of asking for help.

• Recognize that Loved Ones Often Want to Help You: Your loved ones usually feel better if they can contribute to your well-being in some way.  By allowing others to help you, you allow the barriers between you to start coming down.  Rather than seeming aloof, you seem more approachable to your loved ones.

• Develop an Awareness of Distortions in Your Thinking: You might fear that others will try to manipulate and control you if you allow them to help you, but it's important to step back and really reflect on your thinking.  While this might be true for some people, in my opinion, it's not true for most people.  The important thing in trying to decide whom you can trust is developing good judgment with regard to the people you choose to help you.  Similarly, if you feel like you're going to burden others by asking for help, think about the times when others have asked you for help. Assuming you were able to help, didn't it make you feel good to help someone close to you?  Why would you think that a loved one wouldn't feel the same way towards you.

• Develop Reciprocal Relationships That Involve a Healthy Give and Take: Ultimately, one-sided relationships don't work.  If you're the only one doing the giving and the other person is doing all the taking, it's not going to work.  Healthy relationships involve both give and take on both sides.

• Start Small, If You Can: If it's possible, start by asking for help with a problem that's manageable rather than a big problem. Learning to accept help with smaller issues can help you to develop greater ease to ask for help with larger issues.

• Don't Procrastinate:  Ask For Help Before the Problem Gets Too Big:  Problems are often easier to solve before they become too big.  By the same token, it's usually easier to ask for help with a problem before it mushrooms into a much larger issue.

Get Help From a Licensed Mental Health Professional
For many people, the fear of asking for help is so ingrained that the tips I've provided above aren't helpful.  They just can't get over their fear.  When fear and shame are so overwhelming that you can't overcome them on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional, especially if fear of asking for help has been a lifelong issue.

In my experience as a psychotherapist, I've found that clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are often helpful to deal with the underlying trauma that is part of this fear and shame to ask for help.  While there are no quick fixes for trauma, I have found that both of these treatment modalities can be effective.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.  I've worked with many psychotherapy clients to help them overcome trauma so they can lead fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

In a prior blog article,  Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help: Part 1, I focused on why people often have fears about asking for help.  In today's article, I will discuss the consequences of giving into that fear and not asking for help.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

Just as the reasons why people fear asking for help are many and varied, so are the consequences of not asking for help, so it won't be possible to consider every possible consequence.  But we'll look at some of the most common ones.

Procrastination
When people are afraid to ask for help, one of the things that they often do is procrastinate for as long as possible.  They might know that, eventually, they'll need to ask for help, but they will delay as long as possible.  Often, they'll bargain with themselves by telling themselves, "I'll do it tomorrow," and then tomorrow becomes the next day and the next.  This often leads to other consequences, including:

     A Situation Can Go From Bad to Worse
When people procrastinate because they're too afraid to ask for help, a situation often goes from bad to worse.  An example of this at the workplace might be that an employee feels too overwhelmed to complete a project with a deadline.  She doesn't want her boss to think she's incompetent so she keeps trying harder to complete the project, but she really knows she can't complete it in time.  Unable to overcome her fear and shame, she waits until a few days before the deadline to let her boss know that she won't be able to do it on time.

There can be worse situations that involve health issues that go from being a chronic issue to an emergency.  Or, when people are afraid to ask loved ones for financial help, assuming that their loved ones have the financial wherewithal to help, it could result in an eviction, poor credit and other similar consequences.

     A Greater Cost With Regard to Time, Money and Effort
Continuing with the same workplace example from above, at that point, this employee's boss tells her that if he had known sooner, he could have shifted other employees from less urgent projects to this one without too much of a problem.

 But because he's only hearing about it a few days before the deadline, he will have to tell these other employees that they must work overtime to get the job done.  This extra effort at the Eleventh Hour will not only inconvenience others, but it will cost the company more in terms of time, money, and effort.

     Lost Opportunities
Giving in to a fear of asking for help can result in lost opportunities.  There can be many examples of this.

The one that comes immediately to mind is one I've mentioned before in another blog article involving a student I met when I was beginning my undergraduate degree.  We were both registering for classes (at that time, you had to do this in person because there was no Internet).

This student, who was about 10 years older than me, mentioned to me that she waited 10 years to go to college, saving all of her money.  She didn't spend money on going out or buying new clothes.  She saved all of her money over the years for tuition.   She had such a fear of asking for help that she never found out, until she registered, that she was entitled to financial aid.  Instead, she put her life on hold for 10 years and made this unnecessary sacrifice because of her fear of asking for help.

A Lack of Balance and Reciprocity in Your Relationships
Reciprocity is an important element in friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships.  In situations where you feel comfortable helping, but you're uncomfortable asking for help for yourself, most of the time, your loved ones become uncomfortable coming back to you for help.

This type of situation can create a lack of balance and reciprocity in your relationships.

I'm sure you can think of many other examples or you know of other situations either from your own personal experience or from people that you know.

Getting Help in Therapy
The point is that a fear of asking for help can have serious consequences for you and others, and overcoming this fear can be a freeing experience.  I'll focus on how to overcome this fear in the next blog post.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and  Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Also see:  Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help - Part 3: Some Tips.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help - Part 1

Do you have problems asking for help?  Feeling comfortable asking for help doesn't come naturally for many people.  If you have problems asking for help, you're not alone.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

Whether it's asking for help at home or at work, asking for help from family, friends or colleagues is often daunting for many people for a variety of reasons.  Shame is often a big factor.

Since this is a big topic for a blog, I'm going to deal with this issue in a few blog articles.  In this article, I'll discuss some common reasons why people often have problems asking for help.  In future blog articles about this topic, I will explore the consequences of being too fearful to ask for help and how to overcome this problem.

Common Reasons Why People Have Problems Asking For Help:

Fear of Appearing "Weak"
It's interesting that many people, who wouldn't hesitate for a second to help others, often feel that if they have to ask for help themselves that it's a sign of "weakness."

They don't feel this way about other people who ask them for help. But when something happens and they need help, they feel too ashamed to ask. They fear that others will judge them as being "weak" and "needy" if they need help.  

Fear of Loss of Control and Independence
Many people fear that if they have to rely on others to help them, they'll lose control over whatever the situation might be because the person who is helping them will take over.  Often, this has its roots in their childhood history where adults really did take over at that time without allowing the children to have any sense of control or independence.

As a society in the US, we idealize the qualities of independence and self reliance.  People who are able to overcome difficulties on their own by "pulling themselves up by their boot straps" are given high praise.  We glorify people who perform heroic acts, whether this occurs in the news, a movie, or a story in a book.  Because of this, many people feel they should be independent and self reliant all of the time.  They feel they should be able to cope with whatever life throws in their way, no matter what it is.

Fear of Looking Foolish or Stupid
No one wants to look bad.  People who are afraid of asking for help assume that others will see them as foolish or stupid for not being able to handle whatever situation they're dealing with on their own.

People who fear looking foolish or stupid don't want to lose face in front of friends, family or colleagues.  Once again, shame is a big part of the problem.  This can be made even more difficult in a work situation where colleagues are very competitive.

Fear of Being Disappointed Again
For people where there's a childhood history of neglect or abuse, they've learned at an early age that if they ask for help, they will be disappointed.  They've learned that people aren't reliable and it's better not to ask for help.

This could be exacerbated when these same people, as adults, unconsciously choose friends or romantic partners who are irresponsible or unreliable.   Without realizing it, they're often repeating a pattern from childhood by continuing to choose people who will disappointment them.  Then, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy again and again, confirming their belief that they shouldn't ask others for help.

Fear of Being a Burden to Others
Many psychotherapy clients have mentioned this fear, even when they have a large support network among family and friends who are more than willing to help them.  They automatically assume that people will feel burdened by a request for help.  So, rather than feeling like they're burdening others, they keep their need for help to themselves.

One of the underlying issues in this case is that, at the core, these people often don't feel "good enough" or lovable and, because of this, they don't feel entitled to ask for help.

Fear of Being Vulnerable or Being Duped In Some Way
People who have trust issues (often due to their early history) might fear that they will be duped in some way by people who say they will help them, but who have alternative motives.  They fear they will be taken advantage of by the person who is supposed to be helping them.  How much any one person feels this is a matter of degree ranging from a mild concern to bordering on paranoia.  This is similar to fear of being disappointed.

Fear of Being Assertive
Shyness or a feeling of awkwardness can stop someone from asking for help.  For these people,  it takes a lot of courage to admit that they need help, no matter what type of help it might be.  In many cases, these people also just don't know how to ask for help.  They've never learned how to do it.

Fear of What Will Be Asked In Return
For other people, asking for help automatically means that they'll be indebted to others and it will shift the power dynamic in their relationships.  They automatically assume that asking for help will come with an emotional "price tag" that they might not be able to pay.

Assumptions That Others Should Know That You Need Help Without Being Asked
Many people, who are either too ashamed to ask or feel they aren't deserving of help, rationalize not asking for help by saying that they feel others should already know that they need help without being asked directly.  They feel it should be obvious.

The problem is that, even when it seems obvious to you, other people, for a variety of reasons, often don't recognize it.  They might be completely willing to help if they're asked, but they either don't know or they're afraid to intrude on your situation or there could be so many other reasons why they don't volunteer their help, even though they'd be willing if asked.

When you shift the responsibility onto others because you think they should already know without your having to ask, you're not taking responsibility for what you need.  Once again, there is often a lot of shame underlying this mindset, but the blame gets shifted in a defensive manner onto others.

Getting Help in Therapy
I recognize that one of the most difficult challenges for many people is calling a therapist to ask for help.  People have many misconceptions about what it means to come to therapy, including that a person has to be "crazy" to go to therapy.  Of course, this couldn't be further from the truth.  Furthermore, therapists who go into private practice do so because they want to help people.

If you're considering attending therapy, it's often easier to ask for a consultation first.

When I receive calls from potential clients, I consider the first session to be a consultation where both the client and I see whether we are a good client-therapist match.

I will continue this discussion in future blog posts.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome their fear of asking for help.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 3: Tips For Self Care

In my two prior blog articles, I introduced the topic of self care for caregivers as well as common emotional reactions that caregivers have (see links below for these articles).  In this blog article, I'll focus on tips for self care (see my articles: Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1 and Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2 - Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions).

Self Care Tips For Caregivers

Self Compassion
Having compassion for yourself as a caretaker is very important.  It's important to be aware that you're going through a difficult time.  Many caregivers either override their emotional reactions or they try to push themselves harder, often leading to chronic stress or burnout.

Chronic stress can lead to many other medical and psychological problems, including heart problems, migraines, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, depression and anxiety.

If a close friend or loved one was going through a similar situation, you would have compassion for him or her, so why not for yourself?

If you allow for self compassion, in my opinion, you're more likely to take care of yourself, so here are some tips that can be useful.

Ask for Help
This is a time when it's important to have a good support network.  Whether you ask for help from family members or friends, don't be ashamed to admit that you can't do everything.  Admit that you're human and, as humans, we all have certain limitations.  Others might want to help, but they might not know what you need, so you need to communicate clearly and specifically what you need.

Aside from loved ones, you might also ask for help from your local church or organizations that are set up to provide respite care.  For instance, the Alzheimer's Association in certain areas provides respite care that can make all the difference in the world.

At the same time, be aware that some people might not be able to help due to the circumstances in their own lives.

Stay Healthy
Taking care of a loved one can make you feel exhausted, stressed and emotionally and physically depleted.  It's important to eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, engage in physical exercise that's right for you, and to have regular medical checkups for yourself for preventive healthcare.

Participate in Support Groups (if you can)
If you're fortunate enough to have support groups in your area, you could benefit from the mutual support available in such a group.  Many organizations, like the Alzheimer's Association and Cancer Care, have support groups.  If you don't have support groups in your area that meet in person, you might be able to find a support group that meets online.  Just knowing and hearing about other caregivers who are having similar experiences can help you to cope better with your situation.

Write in a Journal
Journaling about your feelings when you're going through a difficult time, can help you to release pent up emotions.

Self Care Tips For Caregivers: Write in a Journal

Journaling can also help you to clarify your thoughts and emotions.  You might even discover, as you journal, that there are some bright spots in your experience that you might overlook if you don't take the time to reflect and write about your experiences.  In addition, you might also capture in writing certain poignant moments with your loved one that you can treasure in the future.

Get Help in Therapy
When you attend therapy with a skilled therapist, your session is completely focused on you.  This is so important in terms of your self care when you're a caregiver and your time and energy are mostly focused on someone else.  By participating in therapy, not only can you learn how to cope better as a caregiver, but you can get the emotional support that you need.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, EFT, AEDP and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I provide therapy to individual adults and couples in an empathetic and supportive environment.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2: Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions

In my prior blog article, I introduced the topic of  Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1 and indicated that I will be discussing different aspects of how caregivers are affected by their responsibilities as well as what they can do with regard to self care so they don't neglect their own health and well-being (see my article: Self Care For Caregivers - Tips For Self Care).

Self Care For Caregivers: Common Emotional Reactions

In this blog article, I'll be focusing on caregivers' common emotional reactions in an effort to help caregivers recognize that not only are these emotions common, but they are completely normal and to be expected.

As a caregiver, you might not experience every single one of these emotional reactions, but you probably will experience many of them.  I believe it's helpful for caregivers to know that there are many other people who are in the same role who are experiencing similar reactions.  Knowing that millions of other people either have gone through or are going through a similar experience can provide some relief.

Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions

Here are just some of the most common reactions:

• Sadness: When you're taking care of a loved, it's normal to feel sad for your loved one as well as for yourself and other close friends and relatives who are affected by your loved one's illness.  If you feel sad for more than two weeks, you might be depressed and in need of professional mental health care to keep the depression from possibly developing into a debilitating problem.

• Loneliness: Taking care of a loved one can make you feel isolated and lonely.  When you're a primary caregiver, it's hard to believe that anyone else could understand what you're going through, even if they tell you that they've had similar experiences.

• Anger and Frustration: Anger is a common reaction when you're a caregiver.  You might feel angry with the disease or disorder that's making your loved one sick, angry at medical or psychological professionals involved in your loved one's care, and angry with friends and family.  You might feel angry with "fate" or "God" for "allowing" this situation to occur.  At times, you might feel angry with your loved one for being sick,  You might even feel angry with yourself at times.  You might feel, even with all objective evidence to the contrary, that you're not doing enough and you should be making a super human effort to "fix" the situation, even if this is impossible.

• Fear: Fear is a common reaction to overwhelming events.  You might be worried about being able to handle your responsibilities for your loved one as well as for yourself and other family members.  You might be afraid of what will happen next and if you're emotionally and physically prepared for it.  There can be so many other fears involved with taking care of a loved one.

• Guilt: Along with feeling angry with yourself, you might also feel guilty for a variety of reasons.  You might feel angry and guilty, as mentioned above, that you're not doing enough for your loved one.  You might also feel guilty for wanting a reprieve from your caregiving responsibilities.  Of course, this is a normal response when you're a caregiver.

• Grief: Whether you're grieving for the decline of your loved one's health or for how your life "used to be" before your loved one had a health crisis, grief is a common response for caregivers.

Related Articles:

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're a caregiver who feels overwhelmed, you're having a common reaction to a difficult situation, and you owe it to yourself, as well as your family, to get help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping caregivers through a difficult time.  

Getting help might not change the external circumstances of your life, but it can be very beneficial to your emotional health and well-being and your loved ones.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many caregivers to get through the emotional challenges involved with taking care of loved ones.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care for Caregivers - Part 1

Becoming a caregiver for someone you love is often an unplanned and sudden event.  Whether you are the caregiver for your spouse, lover, parent, child or someone else in your life who is dear to you, you might find yourself suddenly in a situation where you feel totally unprepared to juggle the various demands of taking care of your loved one while trying to manage the countless details of daily life.

Self Care For Caregivers

Primary Caregivers Often Forget to Take Care of Themselves
When you're the primary caregiver for a loved one, it's easy to forget to take care of yourself.  You might forget about your own health and well-being.  And, yet, if you neglect your own health, you could easily become sick, and you won't be able to do the things you need to do for yourself--let alone try to take care of your loved one.

To suddenly find yourself in the role of a primary caregiver can derail you both physically and emotionally.  Most people don't have the luxury of putting aside the rest of their lives to focus exclusively on being a caregiver, so being a caregiver can feel overwhelming.

In upcoming blog articles, I'll focusing be on the importance of self care for caregivers and steps that you can take to take care of yourself (see my articles: Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2: Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions, Self Care For Caregivers - Part 3 - Tips For Self Care

Emotional Support for Caregivers
One of the most important aspects of self care is having emotional support.  Being able to talk to supportive friends and family who are willing to listen can help to ease some of the emotional burden.

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people find it helpful to talk to a psychotherapist, who is objective and impartial.  A therapist, who has experience helping primary caregivers, can help you to cope with the emotional strain of taking care of your loved one as well as balancing his or her needs with your needs.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have worked with many clients who were primary caregivers and helped them to take care of their own needs.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Experience Their Feelings - Part 2

In my prior blog article,  Adults Who Are Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Feel All Their Feelings  - Part 1, I began a discussion about how difficult it can be for traumatized adults to allow themselves to feel all their feelings.  Today, I would like to continue this discussion and focus on some of the consequences for adults when they continue to suppress uncomfortable feelings.

Traumatized and Afraid of Emotions

Suppressing Uncomfortable Feelings Can Have Many Negative Consequences
As I mentioned in my prior article, traumatized children often have no choice but to suppress their feelings.  It's often an adaptive thing to do because allowing themselves to feel uncomfortable feelings related to the trauma would be too overwhelming for them in most cases.

But when these same people become adults, if they continue to suppress uncomfortable feelings, it isn't useful any more.  As adults, suppressing uncomfortable feelings can cause all kinds of other emotional, physical and interpersonal problems.

Suppressing Uncomfortable Feelings Can Lead to the Following Emotional, Medical, Marital, Family, Career and Interpersonal Problems:

Depression and Anxiety 
When you suppress uncomfortable feelings, it can lead to depressive and anxiety-related disorders.  Why does this happen?  Well, when you suppress your feelings, these feelings don't just go away.  They often intensify.  The more you try to push them down, the more intense they become.  It becomes a vicious cycle that for many people can lead to serious episodes of depression and anxiety.

Medical Problems
Medical problems like migraines, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), insomnia, muscle aches, joint stiffness, and a compromised immune system are among the many physical problems that can result from suppressing feelings. 

Marital and Family Problems

Think of the employee at work who feels he must do everything possible to suppress his anger at his boss while he is at work.  Then, he comes home and he often loses his temper with his wife and children.  It's often not intentional--he just can't contain his feelings any more.  There can be misunderstandings between him and his wife or between him and his children because he's so distracted by his pent up feelings.

Career Problems

There can be so many ways that suppressed feelings can cause problems in a career.  It can cause poor communication with your boss or colleagues.  You also might not be picking up on social cues because all of your energy and focus is going into keeping your feelings down.  This can have disastrous consequences for your career.

Substance Abuse, Sex Addiction, Gambling and Other Impulsive and Addictive Behavior
Many people, who try to suppress feelings, turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex and other forms of addictive behavior in an effort not to feel their feelings.  Aside from the physical problems that addictive behavior can create, addiction ruins lives for those who are addicted as well as their loved ones.  Without help, it usually leads to a downward spiral 

Problems with Feeling Inauthentic to Yourself and to Others
Suppressing feelings can also make you feel disconnected from the core of who you are as a person.  It can make you feel inauthentic to yourself as well as to others, especially if you're trying to "put on a happy face" to hide your true feelings.  This often doesn't work because others can sense that there's something amiss.

Developing the Capacity to Feel and Accept Your Feelings: Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing
When you've spent a lifetime suppressing feelings that you're uncomfortable with, you need to learn how to develop the capacity to feel and accept your feelings.  I will address this in more detail in future blog posts but, for now, I'll close by saying that, I've found the combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing to be one of the most gentle and effective ways to develop this capacity.  

Clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing allow the therapist and client to work with manageable segments of the problem in a way that's usually tolerable for the client.  In my experience, these two treatment modalities, which emphasize the body-mind connection, help the clients to deal with traumatic experiences and work through these issues so that clients learn to feel and accept all their feelings.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have unresolved trauma, you owe it to yourself to get help from a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in trauma work.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  

I have helped many clients to work through their trauma so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Often Fear Their Emotions

Many people, especially people who were traumatized as children, are afraid to feel the full range of their feelings, especially feelings they're uncomfortable with.   If they feel sad, angry, fearful, hurt, or ashamed, they often want to do whatever they can to suppress and avoid sensing these feelings.  

Adults Who Were Traumatized as Children Often Fear Their Emotions

Being willing to feel all their feelings, and not just the ones they feel comfortable with, isn't easy.  Of course, it's understandable that most of us would rather experience happy feelings, but it's not humanly possible to always feel happy.  So, it's important to develop the capacity to feel, tolerate and accept all feelings rather than pushing them down.

Since this is such a big topic for one blog, this is Part 1, and I'll continue to discuss this topic in future blog posts.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Often Fear Their Emotions
Many adults, who were traumatized as children, have vivid memories of feeling completely overwhelmed by a traumatic event in their lives.

In many cases, there was no one to help them, as children, to get through the trauma, so they were left on their own to deal with overwhelming events.  Or, even if there were adults around, the adults might have been overwhelmed themselves by the event (or events) and didn't have the capacity to help.

Young children, who are traumatized without anyone to help them, have limited capacity to deal with their overwhelming feelings.  In order to survive emotionally and, sometimes, physically, these children learned to suppress their overwhelming feelings to protect themselves.  At that point in their lives, it might have been the only thing they could do.  And, at the time, it was an adaptive thing to do, given the limited options.

The problem is that, when these same children grow up and they're adults, what was adaptive when they were children is no longer adaptive.  As adults, suppressing feelings can cause a variety of physical, emotional and interpersonal problems, which I will discuss in a future blog post.

What these adults often don't realize is that now that they are adults, they can develop more of an emotional capacity to deal with trauma, especially if they work with a therapist who has expertise in working with trauma.

Getting Help in Therapy
One of my specialties is working with trauma.  

I have worked with many traumatized adults who have suppressed uncomfortable feelings for most of their lives.  They often come to see me for therapy when they've discovered that continuing to suppress feelings causes problems on many levels for them.  Even though they wanted to change, they didn't know how before they came to therapy, especially after they spent so many years pushing their feelings down.

Over the years, I have learned and developed many different ways of working with trauma so that I can tailor each treatment to the needs of each client.  Aside from talk therapy, I have found mind-body oriented psychotherapy, like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis to be effective in helping clients to overcome trauma, even clients who have tried to overcome these problems in therapy for many years.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Feel All Their Feelings - Part 2

What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to Many Women? Brain Chemistry Might Be Part of the Answer

Are you a woman who usually falls for men who are considered so-called "bad boys" and neither you nor your friends understand why these guys are so irresistible to you?

What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to Many Women?

It Seems Counterintuitive: Women Who Are Usually Stable and Responsible Fall for "Bad Boys" 
Often, it seems completely counterintuitive because the woman who falls for "bad boys" is often the woman who is the most stable, responsible and kind person who never gets into trouble herself, but she falls in love with guys who are edgy, constantly in trouble, emotionally unavailable and sometimes abusive, and constantly breaking her heart.

Just a note before I go on:  I'm using the phrase "bad boys" as a shorthand expression that most people understand without having to go into a lot of detail.  But, in fact, I have a lot of empathy for these men, who often have a long history of trauma, and underneath that tough exterior, there's often a lot of fear and shame.  Of course, working with them as a psychotherapist is different from being in a romantic relationship or married to them and in a lot of emotional pain. 

Why Are So Many Women Drawn to "Bad Boys"?
There can be as many reasons as there are women who fall for guys who have a reputation for being "bad."

Some psychotherapists believe that women who are drawn to "bad boys" are working through unresolved trauma from their family history, especially if they had a father who was unreliable, irresponsible, and emotionally abusive.

Other psychotherapists believe that this dynamic involves a woman's need to "rescue" the man, who is often traumatized and in need of a lot of emotional support.

Other therapists believe that women in these types of relationships are masochistic.

All of the above theories, either individually or in combination, might apply to some women sometimes, but it often doesn't explain this dynamic for many women who had loving, stable fathers and who are not masochistic or in need of rescuing people.

The Brain Reward Circuit and an Irresistible Attraction to "Bad Boys"
Another interesting theory, proposed by Richard A. Friedman, MD, in his article, "I Heart Unpredictable Love" (NY Times) is that this type of attraction involves the brain reward circuit (see link below for the article).

According to Dr. Friedman, the brain reward circuit is a primitive part of the brain that is exquisitely attuned to rewards, whether they are rewards of money, sex, or food.

When the reward is unanticipated, the circuit releases dopamine which gives the person a pleasurable and exciting feeling.

Unpredictable Love and the Brain Reward Circuit

As a result, when you're involved with someone who is unpredictable, as so-called "bad boys" tend to be, you get a sense of pleasure and excitement from the brain reward circuit.  This, in turn, fuels your attraction and obsession, from the brain reward circuit.

It can feel like an "addiction" in much the same way that people who gamble compulsively feel addicted to gambling.  The difference is that you're "gambling" with the unpredictable nature of the relationship as well as your own well-being.

Often, you're unaware of this sense of pleasure and excitement that's being generated by the brain reward circuit.  In fact, your rational mind might be telling you that this guy isn't at all good for you and you should stay away.  But when the brain reward circuit is releasing the dopamine, you might find yourself with this "bad boy" despite what you know rationally.

Does This Mean That You'll Always Be Attracted to "Bad Boys" For the Rest of Your Life?
I've worked with many women who found themselves irresistibly drawn to so-called "bad boys" and who were able to overcome this problem.

Unfortunately, for some women, it often takes a lot of emotional pain before they override their brain chemistry to make healthy choices for themselves.  But just because you feel a sense of pleasure and excitement doesn't mean that you can't make healthy decisions for yourself.  You can.

Getting Help in Therapy
Relationships with "bad boys" can take its toll on you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's a high price to pay.  And many women discover that, after being in a few of these types of relationships, they aren't as emotionally resilient as they used to be and it gets harder to move on.

If you have tried on your own to stop getting in emotionally unhealthy relationships, but you can't do it on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional.

If you're motivated to change, you can learn how to override the impulse to get involved with men who are constantly hurting you.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, read my blog article:
The Heartbreak of the On Again-Off Again Relationship

I Heart Unpredictable Love - by Richard A. Friedman - New York Times