The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

I'm focusing on the mind-body connection when the mind gets stuck in denial and how denial can affect the body.

What is Denial?

Denial is a defense mechanism (see my article: Understanding Defense Mechanisms).

The Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

People use denial as a form of self protection against accepting something that would be too painful for them to admit to themselves.  

Signs of Denial

Some common signs include:

• Refusing to talk about the problem
• Finding ways to justify denial
• Blaming others or outside forces for the problem
• Persisting in behavior despite negative consequences
• Promising to address the problem in the future, but it doesn't get addressed
• Avoiding thinking about the problem

Short Term Denial vs Ongoing Denial

Short term denial can be helpful and adaptive under certain circumstances. 

However, ongoing denial, which happens the mind gets stuck in denial, is often self destructive and destructive to others.

Ongoing denial is a maladaptive use of this defense mechanism. 

Short Term Denial Can Be Helpful Under Certain Circumstances

Sometimes short term denial can be adaptive because it gives people a chance 

to get ready to face a situation they're not ready to face in the moment.

An Example of Short Term Denial Being Helpful

    Mario and Judy

When the doctor told Mario and his older sister, Judy, that their mother's cancer was terminal and that any more chemotherapy would only hasten her demise, they were shocked and they refused to believe it at first.  However, after the initial shock wore off, they talked to their mother's doctor about next steps. After their talk, they were ready to accept that their mother would be much more comfortable in hospice care where she would be made comfortable until she passed away. Three days after being in hospice, their mother passed away peacefully in and, although they grieved the loss, they knew they made the best decision for her.  In this example, Mario and Judy weren't ready, at first, to accept the news that nothing more could be done to eradicate the cancer. Their short term denial gave them a chance to process and accept the news, as hard as it was, and prepare themselves for the worst. At that point, they were able to make the decision to have the medical staff transfer their mother into hospice care so she would be made comfortable. After her death, even though they were very sad and they grieved, they knew they made the right decision in accepting the futility of further cancer treatment and hospice was the best possible option under the circumstances.

 An Example of How Ongoing Denial Can Affect the Body

    Nina

Mario and Judy's younger sister, Nina, had a very different experience. After their mother died, Mario and Judy grieved their mother's death and eventually they made peace with her passing. But Nina wasn't able to accept her mother's terminal cancer diagnosis. She was in complete denial. She argued with the oncologist and the nurses on the cancer ward.  She also opposed putting the mother in hospice and argued with her siblings. She kept insisting that more chemotherapy would help, but Judy was on the mother's health proxy and she had power of attorney, so Nina couldn't stop her siblings' decisions. 

After her mother died, Nina contacted several malpractice attorneys. She channeled all her denial and anger about the mother's death into bringing a malpractice suit against the medical staff that treated her mother. But, after reviewing the medical records, every lawyer she contacted told her that she didn't have a case.  No one in the family was able to help Nina to accept that everything that could have been done was done. 

After several months, Nina's denial took a toll on her health. She developed insomnia, frequent headaches and high blood pressure. Her primary care physical advised her that she needed to accept and mourn the loss of her mother. But she wouldn't accept her mother's death and her health continued to deteriorate until she was hospitalized.  

It wasn't until the hospital sent a clinical social worker who was on staff to speak with Nina about the impact her denial was having on her health that she began to take her first tentative steps to overcome her denial. Part of her hospital discharge plan was to see a psychotherapist to deal with her denial and release the grief that was bottled up inside her.

How the Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

In Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's excellent book, The Body Keeps the Score, he discusses the connection between the mind and the body.

The Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

Ongoing denial occurs when a person refuses to accept something that is too painful for them.  Even though their mind might reject whatever they cannot accept, their body can react.

When someone gets stuck in denial, they use a lot of mental energy to maintain this defense mechanism. This causes stress and muscle tension. 

Over time, stress hormones can take their toll on the body. 

The person who is in denial might not make the connection between their denial and the consequences to their body.

  Other Examples of Denial

• Someone denies they have an alcohol or drug problem because they're still able to function on a day-to-day basis.

In Denial About Substance Abuse Problems

• Someone hurts their partner's feelings, but instead of accepting this, they blame their partner for their hurtful behavior.

Blaming a Partner For One's Own Behavior

• Someone who is having an emotional problem refuses to accept it or get help, so it gets worse over time both emotionally and physically.

Getting Help in Therapy

Before denial takes its toll on your mind and body, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to identify your particular pattern of denial and other defense mechanisms you might be using to avoid dealing with your problems.

Rather than allowing your problems to get worse, seek professional help so you can lead a healthier and more fulfilling life.

See My Other Related Articles

The Mind-Body Connection: Responding Instead of Reacting to Stress

The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?

Clinical Hypnosis and the Mind-Body Connection

The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Emotional and Physical Impact of Loneliness During the COVID-19 Crisis

Everyone experiences some degree of loneliness at some point in their lives. Even prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness was already an epidemic throughout the world, especially among the elderly.  However, the need to physically isolate from others to stop the spread of the virus has made the problem of loneliness much worse for many people (see my article: Coping With Loneliness During the COVID-19 Crisis and The 5 Stages of Grief During the COVID-19 Crisis).

The Emotional and Physical Impact of Loneliness During the COVID-19 Crisis

In this article, I'm focusing on the emotional and physical impact of loneliness on people who are isolated.  In my next article, I'll address the issue of loneliness during this pandemic if you live alone.

What is Loneliness?
First, let's define what we mean by loneliness.

Loneliness is a subjective negative emotion that occurs when our social needs aren't met. It's the discrepancy between our desire for connection and our actual experiences of connection.

Our need for social connection is hardwired in us from infancy. We are born with the need for attachment.  As infants, we need more than being fed, clothed and sheltered. We need to feel an emotional attachment to our primary caregiver in order to survive and thrive.

The need for emotional attachment doesn't end in infancy.  It continues throughout the lifespan. Although some people like spending a lot of time alone because it gives them a feeling of solitude, most people need to feel connected with others in a meaningful way (see my article:  How the Early Attachment Bond Affects Adult Relationships and Loneliness vs Solitude).

To form meaningful connections with others, our social needs must be met in terms of both quantity and quality.  So, while superficial relationships can distract us momentarily from our loneliness, they don't fulfill the deeper need to feel connected meaningfully in safe and secure surroundings.

What is the Emotional and Physical Impact of Loneliness?
Experiencing loneliness heightens our feelings of vulnerability and often takes a toll on our mind and body.

     The Connection Between Loneliness and Depression
Loneliness can put us at risk for depression.  The reason for this is that we often turn our attention inward in a critical way when we're isolated and lonely.  We become self critical and engage in negative self talk (see my articles: Are You Sabotaging Yourself With Negative Self Talk? and 5 Tips For Overcoming Chronic Negative Thoughts).

Negative self talk and the feelings connected to it can create a downward spiral that reinforces itself.  So, the more lonely and disconnected we feel, the more likely we are to criticize ourselves, and the more we criticize ourselves, the more likely we are to experience a downward spiral.  This makes it harder for us to connect with others because we feel unworthy (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic and Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

To stop this downward spiral, first, it's important to become aware of this cycle of negativity.  Second, we need to step back from our negative thoughts to be objective and question these thoughts to recognize that thoughts and feelings aren't facts (see my article: Your Thoughts and Feelings Aren't Facts).

If you're unable to stop the downward spiral into depression, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional (see the section below: Getting Help in Therapy).

Depression can lead to suicidal thoughts. So, if you're feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately to get help.

     The Connection Between Loneliness and Physical Problems
Aside from the emotional impact, loneliness can put you at risk for physical problems.

Loneliness and isolation creates stress and can also create increased inflammation in the body.  This is a genetic reaction that goes back centuries, and it occurs because the body still perceives loneliness and isolation as a threat to survival--like a physical attack or an infection.

Inflammation is the body's way of defending itself against the danger of an attack, and the body reacts the same way whether it's a real danger or only a perceived danger.  So, although inflammation is a way for the body to protect itself, too much inflammation can create serious medical problems. 

Chronic inflammation puts the body at risk for heart problems, stroke, cancer, autoimmune disorders and other medical problems.

Physical Distancing and Social Connection
Physical distancing is necessary to prevent the spread of COVID-19, but you can still maintain social connections with loved ones (see my article: Reframing Social Connections).

Connecting with loved ones online isn't the same as connecting with them in person, but it's the next best thing (see my article: Undoing Aloneness: Staying Socially Connected While Being Physically Distant and Developing a Felt Sense of Connection While Physically Distant).

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're feeling overwhelmed, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional.

Many therapists are providing online therapy during this pandemic (see my article: The Advantages of Online Therapy When You Can't See Your Therapist in Person).

Rather than struggling on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed psychotherapist to combat the emotional and physical impact of loneliness and social isolation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, I am providing online therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How a Crisis Can Bring About Positive Change in Your Life

Sooner or later in life, everyone has to cope with a crisis.  It doesn't matter how much you try to avoid crises, they are an unfortunate part of life.  Sometimes, you can see a crisis coming in advance and prepare for it.

See my articles: Fear of Making Changes

Standing at the Crossroad: Fear of Making Major Life Decisions

Preparing Emotionally For Major Changes in Your Life  

Other times, a crisis occurs when you least expect it.  But in many cases crises can be opportunities to make changes that are, ultimately, for the better.

How a Crisis Can Bring About Positive Change in Your Life

People who are able to reframe crises into a possibility for an opportunity are better able to get through the chaos that crisis often brings (see my article: Developing a Positive Perspective About Reframing).

Let's take a look at some fictional scenarios, which represent common occurrences, that illustrates these points:

How a Crisis Can Bring About Positive Change in Your Life

Jim

Jim worked as a senior manager for his firm for over 25 years.  He had a good relationship with his boss and with his colleagues, who praised his work.  He thought he would ride out his last years at this company until retirement and then he planned to start his own consulting business.  But a few years before Jim planned to retire, he was laid off due to budget cuts.  His boss and his human resources director assured him that it had nothing to do with the quality of his work.

At first, Jim was paralyzed in fear.  He wasn't sure what he would do.  So much of his identity was tied up with his job (see my article: When Job Loss Means Loss of Identity).  When he told his wife about the layoff, she encouraged Jim to start his consulting company now and "Go for it!"  Although he was afraid, at first, within a year, he was making more money in his consulting business than he made at his former job, and he had more time to spend with his family.  So, what he initially experienced as a crisis turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Betty

Betty was in a stagnant relationship that was going nowhere for a few years.  Although she wanted to get married and have children, she was afraid to leave her current relationship because she thought she would never meet anyone else.  Her rationale was, "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know" and so she remained in this unhappy relationship (see my article: Are You Too Afraid to Leave an Unhappy Relationship?).  One evening, over dinner, her boyfriend, Ted, told her that he wanted to breakup.  He accepted a job out of state, and he didn't want to have a long distance relationship, so he thought it was better to end their relationship.  At first, Betty panicked.  Even though she was dissatisfied with the relationship, at least she had someone to have dinner with and to go to the theatre.  Now, she would have no one.  During the first few months after the breakup, Betty mourned the end of her relationship.

How a Crisis Can Bring About Positive  Change in Your Life

Shortly after that, a close friend introduced her to someone new, John.  After dating for a few months, Betty and her new boyfriend decided to be exclusive, and she realized that she was happier in this relationship than she had ever been.  Had she and Ted remained together, she would never started dating John.  What initially felt like a major crisis in her life turned out to be a positive change.

Donna

Donna had always enjoyed good health for most of her life.  But shortly after her 40th birthday, she had a mild heart attack and was hospitalized.  After she was discharged, her cardiologist spoke to her about her stressful lifestyle, including a stressful job that she hated and an unhealthy diet where she mostly ate on the run.  He told her that she would have to make changes to her lifestyle or she could have a massive heart attack, especially since there was a history of heart problems in her family (see my article: How Medical Problems Can Change How You Feel About Yourself).

Donna spoke with her husband about the changes she was thinking about--including leaving her stressful job.  Her husband encouraged her to do what she had always wanted to do--become a yoga teacher.  So, when she quit her job, and when her cardiologist gave his approval, Donna began a yoga training program.  Soon after she completed the yoga training, she began working for a local yoga studio, a job that she loved.  In retrospect, she realized that she probably would never have quit her stressful job to do what she really wanted if she had not had the heart attack.

Conclusion

Making changes in your life, even under the best of circumstances, can be challenging.  We often become comfortable with what's familiar, even if it's not what we want.

Making changes during a crisis is even more challenging because we're often not prepared for the crisis.  It can be like a tsunami that comes upon us suddenly.  

Being flexible, being able to reframe a crisis into an opportunity (if possible), and having emotional support can help you to make positive changes. 

But there are times when the crisis is so overwhelming that it is traumatic.

In other words, it's beyond what you can handle, and you might need help from a skilled mental health professional to help you to get through the crisis and come out of it more resilient than before.

Getting Help in Therapy

Everyone needs help at some point in his or her life.

Sometimes, friends and family, who are well-meaning, aren't helpful because they're part of the crisis or they're fearful of change so they can't see opportunities or alternatives.

When you're overwhelmed by a crisis, you could benefit from working with a skilled mental health professional who can help you to recognize your strengths and help you to regroup (see my article: The Benefits of Therapy).

Rather than struggling on your own, if you feel overwhelmed by a crisis in your life, seek help from an experienced psychotherapist who can help you to overcome the current obstacles so you can live a more fulfilling life (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I have helped many clients to overcome their problems so they could maximize their potential and live the life they want to live.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Suppressing Emotions Can Lead to Medical and Psychological Problems

Many people avoid dealing with their emotions because they think it will be too emotionally overwhelming (see my articles:  Allowing Yourself to Feel Your Feelings so You Can Heal, Understanding and Expressing Your Emotions in a Healthy Way, and Working in Therapy to Accept Your Emotions).  Instead of allowing themselves to feel their emotions, they defensively suppress their emotions or numb themselves in order not to feel the unpleasant feelings.

How Suppressing Emotions Can Lead to Medical and Psychological Problems

Since we know so much more than we ever have in the past about the mind-body connection, we now know that these suppressed or numbed feelings don't just disappear--they often take a physical toll and result in serious medical problems.

Suppressed grief can also result in compulsive and addictive behaviors, like excessive drinking, abuse of drugs, compulsive gambling, compulsive spending, overeating, smoking as well as other psychological problems such as problems with anger management, depression and anxiety.

Fictionalized Vignette:  How Suppressing Emotions Can Lead to Medical and Psychological Problems:
The following fictionalized vignette illustrates how suppressed emotions can manifest in medical and psychological problems:

Bill
Bill grew up in a family where no one dealt with unpleasant emotions, except anger (see my article: Psychotherapy Can Help You to Overcome the Effects of Growing Up in a Family That Doesn't Talk About Their Feelings).

When he was 16, his paternal grandfather, who lived with Bill and his family, died unexpectedly.  Bill found out about his grandfather's death when he came home from school and his father told him that his grandfather died unexpectedly from a massive heart attack.  The emergency management technicians were just taking the grandfather's body out as Bill arrived.

Bill and his grandfather were very close.  As he heard the news from his father, he began to cry, but his father scolded him and told him not to be "such a crybaby."   He told Bill that he needed to "be a man" and "stop acting like a girl."

Hearing his father's words, Bill stopped crying and tried to follow his father's example.  Throughout the funeral, Bill watched his mother and sister sobbing, but the men in the family remained stoic.  From their examples, Bill learned that this was what it meant "to be a man."

At age 38, Bill went for a physical exam to find out the cause of his headaches.

After his doctor ruled out any other medical causes for Bill's headaches, he told Bill that his headaches were probably due to psychological problems, and he should see a psychotherapist.

How Suppressing Emotions Can Lead to Medical and Psychological Problems

When Bill went to therapy, as part of his family history, he also revealed that the men in his family, especially his father, never expressed any unpleasant feelings, except anger, because it was considered "unmanly."

Bill gave many examples of times when he felt very sad, including when his grandfather died, when he was told that he needed to "be a man" and stop crying.

Bill told his therapist that it had been many years since he had been aware of unpleasant feelings--except anger, and he often felt angry and would sometimes lash out at his girlfriend and family members.

Bill's therapist told him that he had learned from a young age to suppress most of his unpleasant feelings and suppressing his feelings had medical and psychological consequences for Bill.

His therapist explained the mind-body connection to Bill to help him understand why he was having his current problems (see my article: The Body Offers a Window Into Unconscious Mind).

His therapist used Somatic Experiencing to help Bill to overcome the emotional numbing that he was experiencing (see my article: Understanding the Mind-Body Connection and Somatic Experiencing).

The work that Bill did with his psychotherapist was neither quick nor easy.  It took time.

Gradually, over time, Bill learned that allowing himself to feel his emotions and express them in a healthy way was not "unmanly."

Over time, Bill grieved the loss of his grandfather and other losses in his life that he never allowed himself to feel.

How Suppressing Emotions Can Lead to Medical and Psychological Problems

As Bill learned to allow himself to feel all his feelings, he no longer got headaches.  He was amazed that he had so much energy now that he wasn't using a lot of energy to suppress his feelings.

Conclusion
Although the vignette above is an example about a boy who suppressed his emotions and continued to engage in this behavior as an adult, this problem is not limited to men--it happens to women too.

Young girls and women are often told by well-meaning family members that they have to be "the strong ones" in the family to help others through difficult times.

The rationale behind this misguided advice is that the women are "supposed to be" the nurturers and caregivers in the family, so they can't allow themselves to feel or express their emotions, especially sadness, because they have to take care of everyone else.  As a result, this suppression of emotions is equally destructive for women too (see my article: Overcoming the Need to Be Everyone's Caretaker).

People who have never been to therapy often think that "not suppressing emotions" means that they just "let it out" however it comes out.  This is definitely a misunderstanding of what it means to feel and express emotions.

The key is to feel and express emotions in a way that is healthy to the person with the emotions as well as the people around them.  So, it doesn't mean that they allow themselves to act in ways that are abusive to others or to themselves.

Cultural or family behavioral patterns are often factors that play a role in the suppression of emotions.  For example, as in the fictionalized vignette above, if a boy is told over and over again that "being a man" means that boys and men never allow themselves to feel or express sadness, this is a learned behavior that usually needs to be unlearned in therapy and replaced by healthy behavior.

Getting Help in Therapy
Whether you're numbing yourself emotionally or you're engaging in other self destructive behavior to suppress emotions, you can get help in therapy before your self destructive behavior results in serious medical or other psychological problems (see my article: Starting Psychotherapy: It's Not Unusual to Feel Anxious or Ambivalent).

Anxiety and depression are often the result of pushing down emotions that people either fear or find unacceptable in some way.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to understand the root of your problems, work through unresolved trauma, and learn how to replace self destructive behavior with healthy ways of coping (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Rather than struggling to overcome these problems on your own, you can work with an experienced psychotherapist who can help you to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many people to overcome self destructive patterns so they can lead healthier and more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Are You Experiencing Chronic Stress and Not Aware of It?

In my prior article, How Do You Know When You're Under Too Much Stress?, I began a discussion about enduring overwhelming stress.  As I mentioned in that article, there are many people, who have lived with chronic stress all their lives, who don't recognize when they're overwhelmed by stress.  It just feels "normal" to them.

Are You Experiencing Chronic Stress and Not Aware of It?

But there are definitely psychological and health-related consequences to longstanding chronic stress.

In this article, I'm exploring this dynamic by giving a fictionalized clinical vignette to illustrate how people who experience chronic stress can be unaware of it and what can be done to overcome this problem:

Ina
Ina started therapy after she saw her doctor for debilitating headaches and chest pains and medical tests ruled out any underlying medical problems.  Her doctor told Ina that the cause of her headaches and chest pain was stress and recommended that she start therapy (see my article: Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Are You Experiencing Chronic Stress and Not Aware of It?

Ina had never been to therapy before, so she wasn't sure what to expect, but her therapist provided Ina with psychoeducation about therapy and helped her to understand how therapy could help.

During the next two sessions, Ina talked about her family history.  Although her family history was filled with many losses and significant emotional trauma, Ina talked about it in a matter-of-fact way without much emotion.  She was very emotionally detached from her own childhood history.

When her therapist reflected back to Ina, Ina seemed surprised.  She had never thought of her childhood history as being particularly traumatic.  In fact, she had not thought much about it at all.  In response to her therapist, she shrugged her shoulders and said, "That's just the way it was."

Part of her early history was that Ina had to over-function for both of her parents because they both had serious problems with alcohol.

As the oldest, Ina took it upon herself to cook, clean and take care of her younger siblings--starting at the age of 10.  She told her therapist, "If I didn't do it, no one would have done it.  I couldn't just let my brothers and sisters starve or not go to school."

Ina was so detached from that younger part of herself that was emotionally and physically neglected and who had to mature beyond her years that she didn't realize that she had paid a psychological and physical price for taking on this role.

Since she couldn't see it for herself, her therapist asked Ina how she would feel if one of her own young children had to take on these adult responsibilities at such a young age and without help from any other adults.

At that point, Ina began to cry because even though she was detached from her own early childhood trauma, she cared very much for her children and she never would want them to have to go through the same thing as she did.

It was only when Ina was able to see her situation from the point of view of her own children that she realized that what happened to her was traumatic.

In the following therapy sessions, her therapist talked to Ina about the ACE study, which was an extensive study which showed how experiencing early childhood trauma could lead to stress-related psychological and physical problems.

After that, Ina began to open up more and she was able to talk about how hard it was for her and how anxious she was all the time because she didn't know how to do half the things she was doing for her siblings.  She worried all the time that she might get it wrong and they would suffer in some way.

In many ways, Ina still worried excessively about her siblings--even though they were all doing well as adults.  So, her therapist realized that Ida was emotionally stuck in the past.  Even though she knew that her siblings were all doing well now, she still had the same worries as when she was a child.

When her therapist pointed this out to her, Ina was surprised because she never thought of this before.  She realized that her therapist was right--there really was no need to worry about her siblings anymore.  Then, she became curious about why she was continuing to worry.

Her therapist explained to Ina that she had learned to habitually worry about her siblings and her emotions had not caught up with the present.  She was still worrying as if she was living in the past.

Are You Experiencing Chronic Stress and Not Aware of It?

Over time, Ina learned had to take better care of herself.  Her therapist taught her how to meditate.  She also began exercising at the gym.

Her therapist also talked to Ina about how EMDR therapy could help Ina to work through her unresolved childhood trauma so that she wouldn't have to continue to live in the past (see my articles:

As Ina and her therapist did EMDR therapy, Ina noticed that her chest pain had disappeared and her headaches were infrequent.

Gradually, Ina worked through a childhood of trauma and loss and, as she did, she was under much less stress.  It was as if a big weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

It was only after she experienced much less stress that she realized how much stress she had been carrying around inside of her.  She was able to relax more, sleep better and enjoy life more.

Conclusion
A lifetime of chronic stress can take a heavy toll on you both physically and emotionally.

Chronic stress can become increasingly debilitating over time.

Many people who have experienced childhood trauma and loss become "shutdown" to just how much stress they're experiencing.

This makes sense when you realize that, as children, they didn't have many options if they wanted to survive.  Like "Ina," they did what they had to do without much awareness of the toll that it was taking on them.

Medical doctors who are savvy about the mind-body connection know that many (if not most) medical complaints that their patients have are stress related.  After they have eliminated any underlying medical cause, they know that their patients need psychological help--not medical help--and they refer them to a psychotherapist.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you recognize yourself in the vignette above, you're not alone.  Millions of people have had similar experiences.  The unfortunate thing is that most of them never realize that their symptoms have psychological roots.  They often go from one medical doctor to another for "the answer."

As a child, you might have survived your circumstances by not allowing yourself to be conscious of how bad the situation was and how it was affecting you.

Often, it's not until you're an adult that you begin to experience the stress-related symptoms.

Although it's helpful to go to the gym and use other self care techniques, if you have the kind of childhood history that "Ida" had, those self care techniques aren't enough to overcome the trauma.  They can help temporarily to overcome the stress, but the psychological trauma will still be there just under the surface waiting to be triggered by a current situation.

If you can identify with the vignette above, you can take the first step to overcome these stress related  problems by setting up a consultation with a psychotherapist.

By working through your unresolved childhood trauma in therapy, you can live a more fulfilling life free from your history.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Untreated Emotional Trauma is a Serious Issue With Negative Consequences - Part 1

Untreated emotional trauma is a serious issue with negative consequences.  But many people try to minimize the effect of their trauma by trying to "forget it" or "ignore it."  They're often in denial about how their untreated trauma is affecting them now because they don't understand it and they don't recognize the consequences.

Often, their attitude is, "It happened a long time ago, so why should I be concerned about it now?"  In this article, I'll define emotional trauma and some of its symptoms.  In future articles, I'll address why it's important to get help for emotional trauma in psychotherapy with a licensed mental health professional.

Many People Who Were Traumatized Are in Denial About the Impact of the Trauma on Their Lives

What is Emotional Trauma?
There are many experiences that can lead to emotional trauma, including:

• physical abuse, emotional or sexual abuse
• witnessing domestic violence as a child
• living in a family where one or both parents have an alcohol or substance abuse problem or other compulsive or addictive problem, including gambling
• being removed from a childhood home
• having a parent or close relative who is incarcerated
• living in a family with serious financial problems
• loss of close family members or friends, especially at an early age in childhood
• medical problems
• disabilities
• being bullied
• experiencing a natural disaster
• living through a war

Even when many years have passed since the original trauma, untreated trauma can result in people developing the following symptoms:

• insomnia
• anxiety
• depression
• fear and a sense of foreboding
• alcohol or drug problems
• sexual addiction
• workaholism
• eating disorders
• problems with anger management
• irritability
• impatience
• avoiding other people/social isolation
• feeling unlovable
• a sense of hopelessness 
• a sense of helplessness
• low self esteem
• being emotionally numb or "shutdown"
• problems with dissociation or feeling disconnected from other people and the environment
• medical problems, including autoimmune disorders
• problems trusting others
• fear of getting involved in relationships and friendships
• getting involved in emotionally or physically abuse relationships
• being too passive
• being too rigid
• problems concentrating
• problems in school
• problems holding onto a job
• problems with authority figures
• legal problems
• engaging in risky behavior
• phobias
• obsessive behavior
• being overly protective with their children
• having emotional blind spots for abuse or other problems that might be occurring to their children

The list above is just some of the many problems that can result from untreated emotional trauma.

Untreated Trauma Can Result in Alcoholism or Drug Abuse

Untreated Trauma Can Result in Insomnia

Untreated Trauma Can Result in Workaholism

Very often, the people who experienced trauma at a young age don't make the connection between the early trauma and the problems they're having now.

They don't understand that there's a connection between their current problems and their early trauma.

Many people who have been traumatized just feel resigned to their history, and their attitude is, "That's just the way it was."

Untreated Trauma Often Result in Choosing an Abusive Spouse

Dissociation: Compartmentalization of the Traumatic Experience
Often, when they were growing up, there was no one available to let them know that what they were going through was traumatic.  There was no one to help them, so they did the best they could as children under the circumstances.

Coping with their trauma as children often meant compartmentalizing or dissociating their traumatic experiences.  Their dissociation probably helped them to cope with what was going on at the time because it numbed their emotional pain.  But, even though dissociation might have helped them, to a certain extent, from feeling the full impact of the emotional pain, inevitably, it has consequences for them as adults.

In future articles, I'll continue discussing why it's so important to work through emotional trauma in therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you experienced emotional trauma, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in helping therapy clients to overcome trauma.  Working through trauma in psychotherapy can help you to free yourself from your traumatic history.

About Me:
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties in my psychotherapy private practice is helping clients to overcome trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2: Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions

In my prior blog article, I introduced the topic of  Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1 and indicated that I will be discussing different aspects of how caregivers are affected by their responsibilities as well as what they can do with regard to self care so they don't neglect their own health and well-being (see my article: Self Care For Caregivers - Tips For Self Care).

Self Care For Caregivers: Common Emotional Reactions

In this blog article, I'll be focusing on caregivers' common emotional reactions in an effort to help caregivers recognize that not only are these emotions common, but they are completely normal and to be expected.

As a caregiver, you might not experience every single one of these emotional reactions, but you probably will experience many of them.  I believe it's helpful for caregivers to know that there are many other people who are in the same role who are experiencing similar reactions.  Knowing that millions of other people either have gone through or are going through a similar experience can provide some relief.

Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions

Here are just some of the most common reactions:

• Sadness: When you're taking care of a loved, it's normal to feel sad for your loved one as well as for yourself and other close friends and relatives who are affected by your loved one's illness.  If you feel sad for more than two weeks, you might be depressed and in need of professional mental health care to keep the depression from possibly developing into a debilitating problem.

• Loneliness: Taking care of a loved one can make you feel isolated and lonely.  When you're a primary caregiver, it's hard to believe that anyone else could understand what you're going through, even if they tell you that they've had similar experiences.

• Anger and Frustration: Anger is a common reaction when you're a caregiver.  You might feel angry with the disease or disorder that's making your loved one sick, angry at medical or psychological professionals involved in your loved one's care, and angry with friends and family.  You might feel angry with "fate" or "God" for "allowing" this situation to occur.  At times, you might feel angry with your loved one for being sick,  You might even feel angry with yourself at times.  You might feel, even with all objective evidence to the contrary, that you're not doing enough and you should be making a super human effort to "fix" the situation, even if this is impossible.

• Fear: Fear is a common reaction to overwhelming events.  You might be worried about being able to handle your responsibilities for your loved one as well as for yourself and other family members.  You might be afraid of what will happen next and if you're emotionally and physically prepared for it.  There can be so many other fears involved with taking care of a loved one.

• Guilt: Along with feeling angry with yourself, you might also feel guilty for a variety of reasons.  You might feel angry and guilty, as mentioned above, that you're not doing enough for your loved one.  You might also feel guilty for wanting a reprieve from your caregiving responsibilities.  Of course, this is a normal response when you're a caregiver.

• Grief: Whether you're grieving for the decline of your loved one's health or for how your life "used to be" before your loved one had a health crisis, grief is a common response for caregivers.

Related Articles:

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're a caregiver who feels overwhelmed, you're having a common reaction to a difficult situation, and you owe it to yourself, as well as your family, to get help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping caregivers through a difficult time.  

Getting help might not change the external circumstances of your life, but it can be very beneficial to your emotional health and well-being and your loved ones.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many caregivers to get through the emotional challenges involved with taking care of loved ones.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Experience Their Feelings - Part 2

In my prior blog article,  Adults Who Are Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Feel All Their Feelings  - Part 1, I began a discussion about how difficult it can be for traumatized adults to allow themselves to feel all their feelings.  Today, I would like to continue this discussion and focus on some of the consequences for adults when they continue to suppress uncomfortable feelings.

Traumatized and Afraid of Emotions

Suppressing Uncomfortable Feelings Can Have Many Negative Consequences
As I mentioned in my prior article, traumatized children often have no choice but to suppress their feelings.  It's often an adaptive thing to do because allowing themselves to feel uncomfortable feelings related to the trauma would be too overwhelming for them in most cases.

But when these same people become adults, if they continue to suppress uncomfortable feelings, it isn't useful any more.  As adults, suppressing uncomfortable feelings can cause all kinds of other emotional, physical and interpersonal problems.

Suppressing Uncomfortable Feelings Can Lead to the Following Emotional, Medical, Marital, Family, Career and Interpersonal Problems:

Depression and Anxiety 
When you suppress uncomfortable feelings, it can lead to depressive and anxiety-related disorders.  Why does this happen?  Well, when you suppress your feelings, these feelings don't just go away.  They often intensify.  The more you try to push them down, the more intense they become.  It becomes a vicious cycle that for many people can lead to serious episodes of depression and anxiety.

Medical Problems
Medical problems like migraines, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), insomnia, muscle aches, joint stiffness, and a compromised immune system are among the many physical problems that can result from suppressing feelings. 

Marital and Family Problems

Think of the employee at work who feels he must do everything possible to suppress his anger at his boss while he is at work.  Then, he comes home and he often loses his temper with his wife and children.  It's often not intentional--he just can't contain his feelings any more.  There can be misunderstandings between him and his wife or between him and his children because he's so distracted by his pent up feelings.

Career Problems

There can be so many ways that suppressed feelings can cause problems in a career.  It can cause poor communication with your boss or colleagues.  You also might not be picking up on social cues because all of your energy and focus is going into keeping your feelings down.  This can have disastrous consequences for your career.

Substance Abuse, Sex Addiction, Gambling and Other Impulsive and Addictive Behavior
Many people, who try to suppress feelings, turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex and other forms of addictive behavior in an effort not to feel their feelings.  Aside from the physical problems that addictive behavior can create, addiction ruins lives for those who are addicted as well as their loved ones.  Without help, it usually leads to a downward spiral 

Problems with Feeling Inauthentic to Yourself and to Others
Suppressing feelings can also make you feel disconnected from the core of who you are as a person.  It can make you feel inauthentic to yourself as well as to others, especially if you're trying to "put on a happy face" to hide your true feelings.  This often doesn't work because others can sense that there's something amiss.

Developing the Capacity to Feel and Accept Your Feelings: Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing
When you've spent a lifetime suppressing feelings that you're uncomfortable with, you need to learn how to develop the capacity to feel and accept your feelings.  I will address this in more detail in future blog posts but, for now, I'll close by saying that, I've found the combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing to be one of the most gentle and effective ways to develop this capacity.  

Clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing allow the therapist and client to work with manageable segments of the problem in a way that's usually tolerable for the client.  In my experience, these two treatment modalities, which emphasize the body-mind connection, help the clients to deal with traumatic experiences and work through these issues so that clients learn to feel and accept all their feelings.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have unresolved trauma, you owe it to yourself to get help from a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in trauma work.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  

I have helped many clients to work through their trauma so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Serious Medical Problems Can Change How You Feel About Yourself

When you're healthy and your life is going well, all other things being equal, it's easy to feel good about yourself.  But when you develop serious medical problems, it can change how you feel about yourself and about life in general.  When people develop serious medical problems, they often have a sudden sense of their physical and emotional vulnerabilities in ways they might not have experienced before.  

Serious Medical Problems Can Change the Way You Feel About Yourself

Reactions to Being Diagnosed with a Serious Medical Problem:  Shock, Fear, Anger, Sadness

If the medical problem is unexpected and potentially life threatening, people often experience shock at hearing the diagnosis.  Initially, a sense of disbelief can create a sense of emotional paralysis and confusion.  When the shock wears off, people often feel a combination of fear, anger and sadness about the "unfairness" of being diagnosed with the illness.  

Each person's experience is different.  These feelings don't occur in a linear way or, necessarily, in this order.  They can happen all at once or in any order.  However it happens, it usually takes people outside of their everyday experience and it can change their perception of themselves.

Being Treated as "a Sick Patient" 
A day before you received a diagnosis of a major medical illness, like cancer or heart problems, you probably thought of yourself as a husband, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, friend, an employee and all the other identifications that we all take on in life.

Suddenly, after you've been diagnosed with a major medical problem, your doctors identify you as a "sick patient," a "cancer patient," a "heart patient" or whatever diagnosis is applicable.  This isn't a criticism of the medical profession.  It's just the way it is in many medical settings, especially hospitals. When this happens, you can feel like you've been reduced to one identification-- your diagnosis.

You're More Than Your Medical Diagnosis
But each of us, no matter what our health issues might be, is more than any particular diagnosis.  We're whole people with relationships, histories and, hopefully, dreams for the future.  After a while, if you take on the identification of your diagnosis, it can change how you feel about yourself, reducing you to a list of symptoms.

Words Are Powerful
For the sake of maintaining a healthy emotional attitude, it is far better to be thought of as "a person with cancer" rather than "a cancer patient" (or whatever diagnosis applies).

You might think that this is just a matter of semantics, but it's not.  Words are powerful. When you're identified as "a cancer patient,"the implication is that this is your primary or, worse, your only identification.  But when you're identified as "a person with cancer," the implication is that there is a lot more to you than just your medical diagnosis--you're a whole person with a life that includes your medical diagnosis but also goes beyond your illness.  Rather than losing your sense of self to your illness, you maintain all the different aspects of yourself.

Research has shown that a positive attitude can have a significant effect on recovery.  So, maintaining a healthy sense of self can make the difference between having a good or a poor medical outcome.  So, how you think of yourself, including your sense of identity, is important.

Finding New Meaning in Life While Dealing With a Serious Medical Problem
I know there are exceptional individuals who are given serious medical diagnoses who find tremendous new meaning in life.  They appreciate every day, their relationships take on new meaning, and they might even find a renewed sense of spiritual connection.

While this is certainly impressive and something to aspire to when you've been diagnosed with a serious medical problem, a lot of people, through no fault of their own, find if very difficult to get to this place emotionally, and pointing to these exceptional people can make these other individuals feel blamed for not being able to reach such an enlightened state.

Your Internal and External Resources
If you're fortunate enough to be an individual who is resilient and who has a good emotional support system among family and friends, your chances for maintaining a healthy sense of self, despite the illness, are better.

As a resilient person, who has emotional support, you might have an awareness that, during the course of your life, you've overcome other challenges and you could see your medical problems as one more challenge to be overcome.

But not everyone is fortunate enough to be resilient and have a support system.  In addition, sometimes, prior emotional trauma can get triggered when you're diagnosed with a serious medical problem.  At that point, you're not only dealing with the current medical problem, but you're also dealing with the emotions that get triggered from prior trauma.

Under these circumstances, it's not unusual to feel powerless.  Feeling powerless, due to the current situation as well as feelings triggered from the past, can cause you to feel anxious or depressed.

Suddenly, your life looks a lot different from before your diagnosis.  People who have been diagnosed with a major medical problem, often talk in terms of "before the diagnosis" and "after the diagnosis" with the diagnosis serving a dividing line in their lives.

Getting Help in Therapy
Working with clients who have medical problems, I often find that a combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing (SE) can be very effective to help them overcome the emotional challenges and maintain a healthy sense of self.

If you're struggling emotionally due to a medical diagnosis, you owe it to yourself to seek the help of a licensed psychotherapist who practices clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing.  

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.