How Can Psychotherapy Help With Confusion Between Your Social Media Self and Your True Self?

In the current article I'm continuing a discussion that I began in my prior article, Confusing the Curated Social Media Self With the True Self.

Throughout this article, I'll use the terms "True Self" and "Core Self" interchangeably. Both terms refer to the innate, authentic essence of a person that exists beneath social conditioning, defense mechanisms and superficial personality traits. It represents who you are at your most grounded, unmasked and alive state. 

True Self or Core Self can be contrasted with the false self who, according to British psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, is a defensive facade built to conform to parental or societal expectations. According to Winnicott, while a false self helps us to navigate certain societal situations, an overdeveloped false self makes a person feel empty, detached and numb.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

If this topic is interesting or relevant to you or someone close to you, I recommend that you read the prior article first.

How Do People Get Confused Between Their Social Media Self and Their True Self?

People confuse their social media persona with their True Self through psychological feedback loops, digital curation and social validation.

Mechanisms of Confusion

• The Feedback Loop: Online algorithms reward highly curated, idealized versions of "reality". Many users internalize this positive reinforcement and, over time, they prefer their the digital versions of themselves.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Algorithmic Mirroring: Social media can act as a distorted mirror where it can reflect a "perfect" image back to the user based on likes, comments and shares.

• Cognitive Dissonance: Over time, a painful gap can develop between the messy real-life experiences and the polished, curated online profiles. Many people bridge this gap by pretending (and sometimes actually believing) the online version is their only reality (see my article: What is Cognitive Dissonance?).

Psychological Factors

• Hyper-Curation: Many users selectively post only their achievements, best photo angles and happy (or seemingly happy) moments. Eventually, they can gradually forget that the boring and painful moments are also real and these moments are also part of who they are in real life (IRL).

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

• Immediate Gratification: Dopamine hits from digital applause make the online persona feel more valuable and validated than the offline real person.

• Audience Conflation: People begin to perform for an invisible audience 24/7.  This performance erodes their ability to experience private moments without thinking about how they will post them.

Real World Consequences

• Identity Fragmentation: Individuals can feel empty when they disconnect from the Internet because their offline self lacks a clear purpose and an audience.

• Perpetual Performance: The pressure to maintain the online "personal brand' often leads to burnout, anxiety, depression and a loss of genuine spontaneity.

How Can Psychotherapy Can Help? 

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy like IFS Parts Work Therapy, can help individuals to disentangle their curated online persona from their True Self by underlying conscious and unconscious needs that drive the digital image (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Here's how Experiential Therapy, like IFS Parts Work, can address this modern psychological challenge:

Unmasking the Digital Persona

• Identify the Divide: Therapists can help with mapping out the specific differences between your offline reality and your online image.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Explore the "Why": Therapy can uncover the emotional and psychological drivers, including the strong need for a lot of external validation, fear of rejection or loneliness, that fuel the curated self.

• Expose the Feedback Loop: It can highlight how algorithms and "likes" manipulate your brain's reward system, which can drive you further from your authentic feelings.

Reconnecting With Your True Self

• Reclaim Somatic Awareness: Clients learn to reconnect with their physical sensations and immediate emotions rather than viewing their lives primarily through a lens of external validation and "shareability (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?).

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

• Clarify Core Values: Therapy can help clients to distinguish between societal and digital expectations to help identify what clients actually care about when no one is watching. 

• Build Self Compassion: Therapy can foster acceptance of clients' flawed, unedited and boring moments, reducing the shame that makes curation feel necessary.

Rewiring Rewards and Boundaries

• Implement Digital Detoxes: Therapists can help clients to develop structured breaks from social media to break the habit of self monitoring.

• Practice "Uncurated" Living: Clients can learn to experience moments that are purely for themselves without documenting them on social media.

How Therapy Can Help You Discover Your True Self

• Strengthen Real-World Bonds: Therapy can focus on deepening face-to-face relationships where you are accepted for your whole unedited self (see my article: What Are the Signs of Low Emotional Connection?).

My next article will discuss how Experiential Therapy, like IFS Parts Work, is especially helpful with these issues.

Conclusion

There are many ways discover your True Self, including meditation.  

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy like IFS Parts Work Therapy, has the benefit of using real-time emotional processing and relational interaction to uncover the True Self.  

Experiential therapy also offers relational mirroring as an interactive feedback loop, somatic and emotional enactment and personality integration.

Get Help in Therapy

If you are having difficulty with anxiety, depression or burnout, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in these areas.

How Therapy Can Help You to Discover Your True Self

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled psychotherapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

Over the years, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Confusing Your Curated Social Media Self With Your True Self

What is the Curated Social Media Self?

The curated social media self is the carefully crafted digital persona users present on their social media.

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

The curated self includes the conscious selection, editing and organization of personal content, such as photographs, achievements and opinions, to showcase a highly favorable version of a usser's life rather than the unfiltered reality.

This phenomenon transforms everyday users into their own personal "brand managers". 

The curated self can take many different forms depending on the intended audience: a professional image, a picturesque lifestyle on Instagram or carefully curated views and opinions on other social media platforms.

The Psychological Impact of Believing in the Curated Social Media Self as Your True Self

Although there are many positive aspects of social media, including bridging geographical gaps, finding jobs, learning online, my focus is on the psychological impact of believing in your social media self as your true self and how it alters your psychology, relationships and self worth:

Psychological Fragmentation

• Loss of Your True Self: You can lose touch with your authentic emotions, personal challenges and baseline personality (see my article: Living Authentically).

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Identity Foreclosure: You stop growing because you feel you must conform to a fixed online brand.

• Hypervigilance: You constantly monitor your behavior to make sure it matches your online image.

• Depersonalization: You begin viewing your life as only content to be documented online.

Emotional Consequences

• Fragile Self Esteem: Your mood can fluctuate based on audience engagement and shifting algorithms.

• Chronic Anxiety: You can live in a state of chronic anxiety due to fear of public rejection, mistakes or fear of being "cancelled".

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Loneliness: You can feel unloved because people praise the "character" or persona they see online and not the real you (see my article: Coping With Loneliness).

• Loss of Joy For Real Life: Real life experiences can lose joy unless they generate online validation or metric boosts.

Social and Behavioral Issues

• Superficial Relationships: You might treat friends like props or networking nodes rather than forming genuine human connections.

Confusing Your Curated Self with Your True Self

• Performative Lifestyle: You make major life choices based on aesthetic appeal rather than personal utility.  You can reduce real life experiences into experiences that are lived for the camera only.

• Impaired Empathy: You might view social issues and personal tragedy through the lens of personal branding.

• Social Media Burnout: Social media burnout is a state of chronic mental, emotional and physical exhaustion triggered by prolonged and compulsive engagement with digital networks, especially if you constantly compare yourself to others on social media and assume that their curated selves are authentic (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

What is a Digital Detox?

If you can identify with some or all of the problems mentioned above, you might be ready for a digital detox.

A digital detox is a time when a person voluntarily refrains from using digital devices like smartphones, computers, tablets and social media platforms.  

The goal is not to abandon technology forever, but to reduce stress, curb constant digital distractions and focus on real-world social interactions. 

What Are the Signs That You Might Benefit From a Digital Detox?

Consider stepping back from your screens if you notice any of the following indicators:

• Reaching for your phone as soon as you wake up

• Losing track of time while mindlessly scrolling

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out) when you are away from your device

• Mood changes like feeling anxious, irritable, angry, sad or depressed while browsing social media

• Disrupted Sleep caused by late night notifications or screen glare

• Spending time comparing yourself to others on social media

• Recognizing you have superficial relationships because you haven't made an effort to develop meaningful relationships

• Feeling lonely because your relationships are primarily online or any of the other psychological, emotional, social or behavioral issues mentioned above

How Can Psychotherapy Help

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy, can help by bridging the gap between your online persona and their authentic true self offline (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to:

• Deconstruct the digital mask
• Help build grounded reality
• Heal the psychic split so you can experience your true self

I will write more about this in my next article:

How Can Psychotherapy Help With Confusion Between Your Social Media and Your True Self?

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapy.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

What is the Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry?

Psychotherapy and psychiatry sound alike, so it can be confusing to know what the differences are and when to see a psychotherapist versus when to see a psychiatrist.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

What is the Difference Between a Psychotherapy and Psychiatry?

While the two terms might sound interchangeable, there are important key differences:

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapists tend to focus on thoughts, including unconscious thoughts, emotions and behavior.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

Psychotherapists have at least a two year Masters degree and many of them also have an additional four years postgraduate training from postgraduate institute (like the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy, National Institute of Psychotherapies and other institutes).

Aside from traditional talk therapy, psychotherapists who go on for advanced training also provide specialized therapy including (but not limited to):

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

• Internal Family Systems Parts Work (IFS)

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)

• Somatic Experiencing

• Hypnotherapy

• Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

• Sex Therapy (for individuals and couples)

Depending upon their skills and training, many psychotherapists can help clients to:

• Manage Stress and Anxiety

• Overcome Depression

• Develop Resilience and Better Coping Skills

Couples Therapy

• Improve Relationships

• Process Unresolved Issues, including Unresolved Trauma

• Improve Communication Skills

• Cope with Workplace Issues

• Process Unresolved Grief

• Improve Self Esteem

And many other behavioral and interpersonal issues.

Most psychotherapy sessions occur at least once a week for 45-60 minutes.

Psychiatry

Psychiatry focuses on the medical side of mental health.

Psychiatrists are mental health professions who are medical doctors (MDs or DOs). They provide differential diagnoses, prescribe psychotropic medication such as antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, antipsychotic medication and other similar medications.

In the past, psychiatrists provided traditional psychotherapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy. However, these days most psychiatrists provide medication management. 

Some specialized psychiatrists also provide Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for severe mental health conditions such as treatment-resistant major depression, ADHD, schizophrenia and  catatonia (a state where someone is awake but unresponsive to other people or the environment).

After the initial evaluation session, psychiatry sessions tend to be shorter in duration (15-20 minutes) to assess how a client is responding to medication management. After a client has been stabilized on medication, sessions might occur every 3-4 months unless the client needs help with medication.

Integrating Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

Clients, who need medication management, benefit from integrating both psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment and many psychotherapists and psychiatrists collaborate to integrate both treatments (see my article: Medication Alone Isn't As Effective As Including Psychotherapy).

For instance, a psychotherapist who is helping a client with anxiety will often be in touch with the client's psychiatrist to provide feedback on what she has observed in therapy sessions and to get information about medications prescribed. This is only done with a written consent from the client.

While some clients choose to only take medication, research has shown that combining psychotherapy and psychiatric treatments is most effective (when psychiatric treatment is needed) rather than just relying on medication because clients learn coping skills and strategies to deal with their mental health issues. 

Psychotherapy can get to the underlying issues that cause the mental health issues and if worked through in therapy, it's possible that medication won't be necessary for certain clients. 

In addition, when clients stop taking medication for certain mental health issues, they often go back to having the same problems they had before they took medication. For instance, if they never learned to manage anxiety symptoms or get to the root cause of their anxiety in therapy, once they stop taking the medication, they are back to where they were before they stopped taking the medication.

At the same time, there are certain mental health conditions that require medication such as schizophrenia, some forms of ADHD or bipolar disorder to mention just a few.

How to Choose Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatric Treatment

Making a decision about mental health treatment can be a big step, especially if you are new to it.

Consider what you need:

Are you looking for help with understanding yourself, improving your relationships, dealing with situational anxiety or working on unresolved trauma or are you dealing with more complex long-standing psychiatric problems?

If you are dealing with a mental health issue that requires medication (e.g., ADHD, bipolar disorder), starting with a psychiatrist is a good first step. Then, once you are stabilized on medication, you can see a psychotherapist to help you to make the behavioral changes that medication alone won't do.

How to Discover What is Right For You

It's easy to get confused about the differences between psychotherapy and psychiatry.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy and Psychiatry

You're not a broken machine that needs to be "fixed". You're a human being which means that, like everyone else, you have messy, complicated and wonderful parts of yourself. We all do.

Rather than focusing on being "perfect", the goal is developing a better understanding of yourself, practicing self compassion, finding the right tools and strategies to deal with life's inevitable ups and downs and living a meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Why is Experiential Therapy Better Than Traditional Talk Therapy to Deal With Trauma? 

With Experiential Therapy, There Are No Blank-Slate Therapists 

The Mind-Body Connection: Experiential Therapy Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind 

How to Build Your Self Esteem

What is Self Esteem?

Before we discuss how to build your self esteem, let's start by defining self esteem.

Building Your Self Esteem

Self esteem includes 

• A sense of self worth and value

• Self respect

• An overall sense of yourself

What Affects Your Self Esteem?

Your self esteem is shaped by many aspects including

• Early childhood experiences 

• Personal relationships and prior experiences

• Thoughts

• Relationships

• Motivation

• Resilience

• Acceptance of imperfections, mistakes and challenges

What Are the Key Aspects of Self Esteem?

• Self evaluation including your subjective thoughts and beliefs ("I am lovable" or "I am capable") and other feelings about yourself

Building Self Esteem

• A foundation of well-being that supports your mental health and relationships

What is the Difference Between Healthy Self Esteem vs Low Self Esteem?

Healthy Self Esteem: 

• You accept your strengths.

• You recognize areas where you need to improve and accept this with self compassion and without judgment.

• You are resilient to constructive criticism.

Low Self Esteem: 

• You experience self doubt.

• You might have a fear of failure. 

• You might engage in people-pleasing. 

• You might engage in negative self talk. 

• Other possible behavioral dynamics

How is Self Esteem Different From Self Confidence?

Self esteem and confidence are related; however, self esteem is your general sense of self worth and self confidence is usually related to certain skills.

For instance, your overall self esteem might be good, but you might feel less confident in your public speaking ability and more confident in your ability to solve problems.

How to Build Your Self Esteem

Building your self esteem includes:

A Healthy Mindset

• Practicing Self Compassion: Treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness you would treat a loved one. 

Building Self Esteem

• Challenge Negative Self Talk: Become aware of your inner critic and reframe negative thoughts into more realistic positive thoughts.

• Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Focus on your own journey and progress instead of comparing yourself (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

• Identify Your Strengths: Write down your strengths and focus on them.

Actions and Habits

• Set Achievable Goals: Start small and celebrate your victories as you build momentum to bigger goals (see my article: Celebrate Your Success).

• Engage in Enjoyable Activities: Engage in hobbies and activities you enjoy and you're good at.

Building Self Esteem

• Prioritize Self Care: Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, exercise at a pace that's right for you (see my article: Taking Time For Self Care).

• Be Assertive: Recognize the difference between healthy assertiveness and aggression (see my article: What is the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behavior?).

• Learn to set healthy boundaries and ask for what you need without guilt.

• Help Others: Volunteering and engaging in acts of kindness can give you a sense of purpose and meaning.

Relationships

• Choose Supportive People: Choose people who value you and treat you well.

Building Self Esteem

• Limit Negativity: Reduce your exposure to negative influences, including social media.

• Communicate With Trusted Loved Ones: Share your struggles with trusted loved ones to build connection and realize that others often struggle with the same problems.

Deeper Self Esteem

• Clarify Your Values: Understand what values matter to you (e.g., kindness, learning, connection and belonging).

• Take Action: Take steps to build your self esteem rather than waiting for it to happen.

Get Help in Therapy

If you have tried to build your self esteem and you feel stuck, rather than struggling alone, consider working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in helping clients to overcome obstacles that are getting in your way.

Get Help in Therapy

Building your self esteem can help you to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

With over 25 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behavior?

Many people don't understand the difference between being assertive and being aggression, so I think it's worthwhile to define each of these terms and differentiate them from one another.

Assertiveness vs Aggressive Behavior

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs, feelings and boundaries with confidence, clarity and respect.  While being assertive, you're not diminishing or violating the rights of others.

What is Aggression?

Aggression attempts to control, manipulate or intimidate others to get your own way. This often violates boundaries and damages relationships.

What is the Difference Between Assertiveness and Aggression?

Based on the descriptions above, the difference between assertiveness and aggression lies in whether you respect yourself and others, which would be assertiveness, or prioritizing yourself at the expense of others, which would be aggressive.

Let's take a closer look at the differences between assertiveness and aggression:

Intent: 

• Assertiveness seeks understanding, resolution and mutual respect. 
• Aggression is often fueled by a desire to control, win or punish.

Respect For Others:

• Assertive behavior seeks to consider the needs of others while expressing your own needs. 
• Aggressive behavior often disregards the needs and feelings of others.

Emotional State:

• Assertiveness is usually calm, rational and firm. 
• Aggression is usually emotionally charged and accompanied by anger or contempt.

Focus:

• Assertiveness focuses on the problem using "I" statements.
• Aggression focuses on attacking and blaming the other person using "you" statements.

Why Is It Important to Know the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behavior?

• Long Term Impact: Assertiveness seeks to build trust, self esteem and healthier, more productive relationships.

• Consequences: Aggression causes resentment, fear and disconnection.

• Cultural Context: Women, people of color and others are often labeled as "aggressive" for behavior that is viewed as "assertive" in others. This makes it important to recognize and challenge these biases.

Examples:

Joe:

After a contentious staff meeting where Joe attempted to intimidate and dominate his colleagues, his director confronted Joe about his aggressive behavior, but Joe told his director that he didn't care if his colleagues didn't like him because the only thing he cared about was "winning" the company prize for highest sales. He told his director he thought his colleagues were "losers" and they should be fired. 

Aggressive Behavior

In response, his director attempted to work with Joe to help him to understand the impact his behavior was having on his work relationships. He explained how Joe could be assertive, rather than aggressive, by speaking in a calm tone and showing his colleagues respect. When Joe's behavior continued to be aggressive, his director terminated him.

Julie:

As the only Black woman on her executive team, Julie talked to the other executives on the team about the negative impact some the company's policies had on women. She could sense their discomfort while she was speaking and she asserted she felt there was a need to address these issues to make certain changes which would benefit employees and the company. 

Assertive Behavior

After the meeting, she overheard one of the male executives remark quietly to another male executive, "I can't stand aggressive women." She reflected on her behavior in the meeting and she concluded that she was assertive and not aggressive. Soon after that, she consulted with the human resource director who agreed that the policies should be reviewed and changed. She also told Julie she would do a company-wide training to educate employees about the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness especially as it applied to women and people of color.

Mark:

When his friends confronted Mark about his aggressive behavior with women at a club they often attended, Mark shrugged it off by saying, "Women want men to dominate them. No matter what they say in public, privately they want a strong man." In response, his best friend, John, pointed out that women usually rebuffed Mark at the club because they were put off by his controlling behavior. 

Aggressive vs Assertive Behavior

He also explained that some of the women in their friend group also complained that they sometimes felt bullied by Mark and that he usually focused on what he wanted even if the rest of the group wanted something else. Mark respected John so he thought about the negative consequences his aggressive behavior had in his personal relationships and he decided to try to change. John suggested that Mark get help in therapy to understand what caused him to try to control and manipulate others. Over time, he realized that his father, who was aggressive within the family, only expressed praise for him when Mark was also aggressive in his relationships. At that point, Mark realized he had a lot of work to do in therapy and he felt it was worth it.

Conclusion

Although many people confuse assertive and aggressive behavior, there are important differences.

Understanding the differences can help you to have a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me,

Also See My Article:

Assertiveness: Learning to Say No