Working Through Past Unresolved Trauma So It No Longer Affects You in the Present

In my recent articles, Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression and How to Increase Your Tolerance For Uncertainty to Reduce Your Anxiety, I began addressing the psychological impact of the pandemic and how to cope with it. 

Working Through Unresolved Trauma Doesn't Impact the Present

In the current article, I'm focusing on how to work through past unresolved trauma so it no longer affects current uncertainties and anxiety (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

Increased Stress and Anxiety About Routine Decisions

While uncertainty has always been a fact of life, the COVID-19 pandemic has significantly  increased uncertainty and anxiety for many people (see my article: Common Reactions to the Pandemic: Fear and Anxiety).

This includes making what used to be considered routine decisions--like whether or not to dine out, take public transportation, go to the gym, go to the office, visit elderly relatives, go on vacation, and so on (see my article: Coping With Pandemic Reentry Anxiety).

Due to the health risks involved, especially for people with underlying health conditions, and the uncertainty about the future of the pandemic, many people find it stressful and anxiety-inducing to tolerate this ongoing uncertainty.

The Impact of Unresolved Psychological Trauma on Tolerance for Uncertainty and Anxiety

People who have a history of unresolved psychological trauma, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), are especially vulnerable to increased stress and anxiety.

Although many people find it challenging to deal with pandemic-related anxiety, people with unresolved trauma are attempting to deal with the current uncertainties as well as the emotional triggers related to their past.

Clinical Vignette: How Unresolved Trauma Impacts Tolerance For Uncertainty and Anxiety

Let's take a look at a clinical vignette about the impact of unresolved trauma on current uncertainties and anxiety and how trauma therapy can help.  As always, this case is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information removed to preserve confidentiality.

Mark

People who knew Mark professionally in his role as a successful sales executive saw him as a calm, confident, agreeable individual.  

His superiors, colleagues and customers praised his work.  But underneath his seemingly calm and confident exterior, Mark was often plagued with doubts and insecurities most people didn't see.  

Although he appeared outwardly confident, inwardly he often felt like an impostor, and he feared others would see just how insecure he felt much of the time.  

To try to alleviate his anxiety, Mark confided in his wife, Pam, and his closest friends. And most of the time he felt relieved for a while.  But by March 2020, when his office closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic without any certainty it would reopen, no amount of reassurance from his loved ones helped Mark to feel better.  

He felt so overwhelmed by anxiety that he had difficulty sleeping at night.  And when he finally fell asleep, he often had pandemic-related nightmares (see my article: How to Conquer Your Nightmares).

Even daily activities, like grocery shopping, household chores or paying bills, felt emotionally fraught for him.

Although Mark and Pam both had successful careers and substantial savings, he worried relentlessly that they could be wiped out financially and lose their home.  Usually Pam could help Mark to calm down, but that changed at the start of the pandemic.  

No matter what she said to reassure him that they had the financial resources to get through whatever came, Pam was unable to get through to Mark.  She had never seen him like this before during their 10 year marriage and she was concerned.

Pam was aware that Mark had overcome a childhood filled with adversity to become financially successful.  But she also knew this same history often left Mark feeling emotionally vulnerable at times--never more so than at the start of the pandemic.

Realizing Mark's childhood history of emotional neglect and upheaval was getting stirred up for him and making his life unmanageable, Pam suggested he seek help from a psychotherapist who was a trauma specialist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

During the history taking phase of therapy, his therapist learned from Mark that he grew up as an only child in a chaotic home environment where his parents could barely cope most of the time.  

Since they couldn't cope, his parents were unable to help Mark cope with anxiety.  They also had their own unresolved childhood trauma that was affecting them in the present circumstances (see my article: Intergenerational Trauma).

As a result, as a child, Mark had to try to cope as best he could on his own.  Not only was Mark unable to depend on his parents for emotional support, but he was often in the role of trying to calm his distraught mother when the father disappeared for weeks during one of his unpredictable alcohol binges (see my article: Children's Roles in Dysfunctional Families).

Although Mark did the best he could in his parentified role of being emotionally supportive to his mother, his efforts came at a high emotional cost to himself.  This included stress-related headaches as well as debilitating anxiety which none of the adults in his family or at his school seemed to recognize.

By the time he was a teenager, Mark was often in the role of pleading with the landlord not to evict them for rent arrears because his father was often out of work and his mother was too distraught to deal with the family finances.

Uncertainty and anxiety was a part of Mark's everyday life as a child until he was able to get away to college.  By then, his father had sobered up, the family finances were stable, and his mother was coping better with the relative calm in the household.  But the history of adversity had taken its toll on Mark so that he frequently felt insecure and anxious throughout his life.

As his therapist listened to Mark's history, she could see how this traumatic history was getting triggered in his current life circumstances, so she provided Mark with psychoeducation about it (see my article: When Past Trauma Affects You in the Present).

But his therapist was also aware that insight alone wouldn't be enough to resolve his problems. So, she spoke to him about how experiential therapy could help him to overcome the impact of his unresolved trauma so he could cope with his current circumstances.

Specifically, she talked to him about the effectiveness of a form of trauma therapy called EMDR therapy.  

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (see my article: Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

As part of preparing to do EMDR therapy, Mark's therapist helped him to develop internal resources and coping strategies (see my articles: Overcoming Trauma With Somatic Experiencing and Using the Somatic Experiencing Technique of Pendulation to Calm Yourself).

These internal resources and coping strategies helped Mark to cope with his uncertainties and anxiety between his therapy sessions.  Although they didn't resolve his problems, they helped him to get by on a day to day basis so that his anxiety no longer spiraled out of control.

Over time, Mark worked on his unresolved childhood trauma so that the uncertainty of the present no longer triggered his past.  

The work was neither quick nor easy, but he made progress (see my article: Working Through Trauma: Separating the Past From the Present).

Like most other people, Mark still had pandemic-related concerns, but he was able to deal with them in a calm, objective way.  In addition, he had a realistic perspective about his current situation.  

Even though he had concerns about his current job, he felt sure he would find another job even in a worst case scenario.  

Trauma From the Past No Longer Gets Triggered in the Present

Whereas before he had insomnia and nightmares, after he worked through his childhood trauma, his sleep was restful and he no longer had nightmares.  And getting proper sleep helped him to stay calm.

Several months later, when Mark was called back to work a few days a week, he adjusted to this new change and looked forward to seeing his colleagues.  

In addition to coping better with pandemic-related uncertainties, Mark no longer felt like an imposter.  He felt genuinely confident in himself. 

Conclusion

Unresolved psychological trauma often gets triggered in the present by current stressors.  It can take its toll emotionally and physically.  

Experiential therapy, like EMDR, helps you to work through unresolved trauma from the past so it no longer affects you in the present (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Just Talk Therapy)

This allows you to deal with current uncertainties without the emotional triggers from the past because you're free from your history.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Coping With Emotional Distress By Using the Somatic Experiencing Technique of Pendulation to Calm Yourself

In my prior article, Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression, according to the findings of the World Health Organization (WHO), there has been a 25% increase in pandemic-related anxiety and depression.  

WHO also indicates that this increase in anxiety and depression is probably just the tip of the iceberg.  

Given these circumstances, individuals who are struggling emotionally need a way to cope with these emotions, and one way to cope is using pendulation.

Using Pendulation to Cope With Emotional Distress

What is Pendulation and How Can It Help You to Cope With Emotional Distress?

Pendulation is a concept which is part of Somatic Experiencing (SE) (see my article: Mind-Body Oriented Therapy: Somatic Experiencing).

SE is a mind-body oriented therapy, developed by Dr. Peter Levine, which helps individuals to heal from trauma.

Pendulation is a useful technique to help individuals to cope with distressing emotions--like the pandemic-related emotions described in my previous article or any other type of distressing emotion, including emotions related to psychological trauma.

Similar to the pendulum on a clock, pendulation involves a shifting back and forth of emotions or body sensations.

Pendulation is Similar to the Movement of a Pendulum on a Clock

Specifically, you start by identifying the distressful emotion or bodily sensation you're experiencing and locate it in your body.  

After you notice the distressful emotion/sensation and where it's located in your body, you find a neutral or calm point in your body and you shift your awareness back and forth (or pendulate) between the distressful and calm experiences.

An Example of Pendulation

For instance, if you identified sadness as the distressful emotion and you locate the sadness as being in your throat where you feel a constriction (a welling up of tears), you sense into other parts of your body to find a calm or neutral point.  

Let's say you detect a sense of calmness in your chest.  You stay with that sense of calmness for a moment to give yourself a chance to experience it.

Then, move back to the sadness in your throat and stay with that for a moment before you go back to the calmness in your chest. 

As you keep going back and forth between the sadness and the calmness, you are pendulating between the two emotions.

As you continue to pendulate back and forth, notice what how the sadness changes.  There is usually a shift due to the integration of the two emotions.

If you have difficulty finding a calm or neutral place within yourself, you can find an external resource, like looking at a glass of water or looking out the window at a tree, and so on.

What If You're Unable to Identify the Distressful Emotion?

There are many individuals with a history of trauma who have difficulty identifying emotions, especially distressful ones.  

They might know they're struggling with a difficult emotion, but they don't know if it's anger, sadness or any other emotion.

If this sounds familiar to you, you can still use pendulation even if you can't identify the emotion.  

For instance, you might know you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you don't associate any particular emotion with that sensation.

Even without knowing the distressful emotion, you can still locate an area in your body where you don't feel that sinking feeling--where you feel neutral or calm.  Then, you can shift your awareness back and forth between those two areas.

If you're working with an SE therapist, over time, you can learn to identify your emotions.  This takes practice. 

Even before you learn to identify specific emotions, you can use pendulation as a self help technique between therapy sessions to calm yourself.

How Does Pendulation Facilitate Emotional Healing?

According to Dr. Levine, pendulation is a natural process that facilitates emotional healing within the nervous system.

As previously mentioned, the shifting back and forth allows for an integration of these emotions, which facilitates healing.  

Pendulation Facilitates Emotional Healing

Whereas before you might have felt stuck in your distress, after you learn pendulation, you feel more emotionally resourced.  

Over time, as you sense the integration of emotions, you gain confidence that you can cope with uncomfortable emotions and you won't get stuck in a distressed state.  

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I work with individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression

According to the World Health Organization (WHO) there has been a 25% global increase in anxiety and depression due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and they believe this is just the tip of the iceberg (see my article: The Emotional and Physical Impact of the Global Pandemic).

Pandemic Causes Increase in Anxiety and Depression

What Has Contributed to the Pandemic-Related Increase in Depression and Anxiety?

According to WHO, some of the contributing factors include the following:

• Social isolation
• Constraints in work life
• Constraints in being able to seek emotional support from loved ones and community
• Loneliness
• Fear of getting the virus
• Getting sick due to the virus, including long-term health issues
• Worrying about underlying conditions that increase vulnerability to serious illness 
• Pre-existing mental health issues
• Inability to access health care/shortage of care
• Inability to access mental health care/shortage of care
• Grief due to loss of loved ones who succumbed to the virus
• Financial worries
• Uncertainty/fear that conditions will never improve
• A sense of foreboding, helplessness or powerlessness

Health care workers and others who have been on the frontlines have been hit especially hard, which has triggered suicidal thoughts for some of them (see my article: Helping the Helpers Overcome Burnout).

In addition, according to WHO, women and children have been impacted more than men.

NAMI Advocacy For Increased Access to Mental Health Care

The National Alliance For Mental Illness (NAMI) has been advocating for increased access to mental health care.

Pandemic Causes Increase in Anxiety and Depression

In addition to their advocacy for increased access to mental health care, NAMI also offers an array of education and free support for those in need.

NAMI also has a Helpline and provides a telephone number for those in need: 

(800) 950-NAMI (6264)

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 988 Lifeline

See My Next Article: Coping With Emotional Distress By Using the Somatic Experiencing Technique of Pendulation to Calm Yourself

Getting Help in Therapy

Anxiety and depression can be mentally and physically debilitating.

If you or someone you love is struggling with anxiety or depression, help is available.

You can access help from your insurance carrier or if you don't have insurance, you can contact the NAMI Helpline (see link above).

In New York City, some of the postgraduate psychotherapy training institutes also offer low-fee or sliding scale therapy, including:

Institute For Contemporary Psychotherapy (ICP)

National Institute For Psychotherapies (NIP)

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?)

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Sexual Wellness: The 2021 Self-Pleasure Survey

I was listening to a recent episode on the Sex and Psychology podcast called The Magic of Masturbation hosted by Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller, who is a psychologist and a sex researcher for the Kinsey Institute (see my articles: Sexual Pleasure and the Erotic Self - Part 1 and Part 2).

Sexual Wellness: The 2021 Survey

The guest was Marie Aoyama from the Japanese sexual health and wellness brand, TENGA.  They were discussing the findings of the TENGA 2021 Self-Pleasure Report (in this article, I'm using the terms "self pleasure" and "masturbation" interchangeably).

The organization surveyed 1,000 American adults, ages 18-54, and the findings offered some interesting insights into their attitudes and practices about masturbation as well as the changes that resulted during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The 2021 TENGA Self-Pleasure Survey Results

The survey revealed that 50% of adults ages 18-54 years old included self pleasure as part of their self care routine.

In addition, the respondents reported the following sexual wellness benefits:

• Improved mood:  73%
• Reduction in stress: 73%
• Improved sleep: 74% 
• Improved body image: 51%
• Improved self confidence: 57%
• Improved sense of sex appeal: 59%

Forty-two per cent of the respondents also revealed that during the COVID-19 pandemic, they coped with stress, anxiety, uncertainty and boredom by masturbating more often than prior to the pandemic.

Of the total 42%, the breakdown for men and women was as follows:

• Men: 49%
• Women: 32%

General Findings of the Survey:

• People who masturbated over the last year: 86%

• People who felt comfortable talking about masturbation with their partners/spouses or close friends: 60%

The discrepancy between the 86% and the 60% indicates that people still feel there's a stigma involved with masturbation, and they don't feel comfortable enough to talk to their own partners/spouses about it (see my articles: Are You Too Ashamed to Share Your Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner? and How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex - Part 1 and Part 2).

This reticence to talk about self pleasuring exists despite the fact that most people masturbate and despite the health benefits cited above--improved mood, reduced stress and so on.

In addition to the benefits cited above, masturbation helps you to explore what you like and what you don't like sexually, which can improve your sex life with a partner (see my article: Women's Sexuality: Tips on Sexual Self Discovery).

Conclusion

Self pleasuring, also known as masturbation, is a healthy, normal and safe way to practice self care as part of a sexual wellness routine.

Masturbation has many benefits for your body and mind, as described above.

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people grew up in a family where masturbation was considered taboo.  

If you're struggling with guilt and shame about masturbation or about your body, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional.

When you free yourself from guilt and shame, you can lead a healthier, more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Tips For Coping With Pandemic Reentry Anxiety

Uncertainty often creates anxiety, and this is especially true now as more people in the U.S. get COVID-19 vaccines and things are opening up again.  If you're feeling anxious as we move closer to "normalcy" (whatever that might be), you're not alone (see my articles: Living With Uncertainty and What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?)

Coping With Pandemic Reentry Anxiety

Tips For Coping With Reentry Anxiety

• Develop an Awareness About Your Anxiety: It might be hard to identify reentry anxiety because it often manifests in ways you might not immediately identify, especially since you might have experienced these same symptoms during the height of the pandemic:  
• poor sleep
• nightmares
• change in appetite
• weight gain/weight loss
• a sense of foreboding
• irritability
• headaches, neck and shoulder pain
• other health-related symptoms

• Accept Your Emotions:  Recognize that you're not alone.  Many people are experiencing anxiety about the possibility of returning to some form of their work and social routine. Rather than berating yourself for your response, accept it and look for ways to cope (see below). You might also be experiencing a combination of anxiety and excitement or you might alternate between the two.  Know that this is normal (see my article: Suppressing Emotions Can Lead to Medical and Psychological Problems).

• Allow Yourself to Grieve:  There have been many losses involved with the COVID-19 pandemic, including:
• the loss of friends and family who died during the pandemic
• the loss of a job/income
• the loss of a sense of safety in the world you might have had before the pandemic (see my article: The 5 Stages of Grief Related to the Pandemic)

• Focus on What You Can Control: With so much uncertainty, you might find yourself worrying about many possibilities, but there are areas of your life where you do have some control:
• What do you need to do to feel safe to return to work and to social activities?
• How will you deal with friends and family members who refuse to get vaccinated? 
• Although there might be things that you can't control, there are many things you can control, including how you begin to reenter into social activities (see my below and my article: Preparing Yourself Emotionally For Major Changes in Your Life)

• Reintroduce Activities Gradually: If you've spent most of your time at home, rather than trying to jump back into your former schedule quickly, try to get back into these activities gradually to give yourself a chance to adjust.  Rather than overcommitting yourself to social activities, try seeing one friend (or a small group of friends) at a time so you don't exhaust yourself.

• Think About What You're Looking Forward to in the Future: When you're ready to think about the future, make a list of the things you want to do.  This can help you to shift your perspective from worry to having things to look forward to (see my article: Feeling Alive Again After a Period of Stagnation and Happiness and Your Future Self).

• Use Self Soothing Techniques: Whether you meditate, exercise, go for walks, do yoga or breathing exercises, it's important to use self soothing techniques to calm yourself (see my articles: Self. Soothing With Butterfly Tapping, Developing Your Inner Sense of Feeling Grounded and Calm and Learning to Do Square Breathing).

• Get Help If Your Anxiety is Overwhelming You: Although reentry anxiety is normal, if your anxiety is having a negative impact on your personal relationships, work life or other areas of your life, consider getting help from a licensed mental health professional who can help you to understand your reactions and develop better coping skills.  This would be especially helpful if your current anxiety is triggering unresolved trauma from the past (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Soothing Practices to Cope With Touch Deprivation During the COVID-19 Crisis

 In my prior article, How to Cope With Touch Deprivation During the COVID-19 Crisis, I began a discussion about touch deprivation.  I suggested ways to mitigate the loneliness and social isolation by staying socially connected with others online while distancing physically to avoid the risk of contracting the Coronavirus (see my article: The Physical and Emotional Impact of Social Isolation During the COVID-19 Pandemic). In this article, I'm focusing on self soothing practices you can use to cope with touch deprivation as a result of social isolation.

Self Soothing Practices to Cope With Touch Deprivation

Safety Precautions During COVID-19 Pandemic

As you probably know, the CDC's recommendations to reduce the risk of contracting the COVID-19 virus include, among other safety measures, social distancing of at least 6 feet.  

While remaining physically distant is important to reduce the risk of getting COVID-19, many people, especially people who live alone, are experiencing unintended consequences of loneliness, anxiety and depression as a result of touch deprivation.

What is Touch Deprivation (also known as Skin Hunger)?

Let's start by defining touch deprivation, which is also known as skin hunger.

Skin is the largest sensory organ we have, and skin hunger is a deep longing for physical contact with another person. 

As I mentioned in my prior article, touch is the first sense we acquire as infants, and it's crucial for infants' survival.  Being hugged or touched by someone you care about fulfills both emotional and physical needs throughout the life cycle.  

When people can no longer experience hugs and other forms of tactile comfort, they are deprived of one of the most important elements of physical and emotional comfort.

Being deprived of skin-to-skin contact for a long period of time can have profound physical and emotional consequences, including:

• Increased anxiety
• Increased stress levels
• Increased cortisol levels
• Depressed mood
• Poor sleep
• Feelings of loneliness and isolation

How to Cope With Touch Deprivation

There are self soothing practices that you can engage in to cope with touch deprivation, including:

• Practicing Self Massage: When you're feeling touch deprived and lonely, you can give yourself a massage.  Depending upon what you enjoy, you can use your favorite massage oil to slowly and gently massage your body to feel physically and emotionally comforted.

How to Cope With Touch Deprivation

• Engaging in Self Pleasure/Masturbation: Self pleasure is a broad category, which includes whatever you find physically pleasurable. Everyone is different in terms of what s/he likes. So, if you're not sure, you can explore what feels pleasurable to you.  As part of this exploration, you can play with different textures, including leather, feathers, soft material and other textures to feel pleasant sensations against your skin.  Self pleasure can include masturbation either with or without sex toys. When you masturbate to orgasm, you experience an increase in oxytocin and serotonin.  These hormones can reduce stress, improve sleep and provide pain relief.

• Sleeping With a Body Pillow: A body pillow is a long pillow that runs the length of your body.  Holding a body pillow while you sleep can help to calm you by offering comfort and physical support. 

• Using a Weighted Blanket: A weighted blanket is a blanket that is at least 15 pounds and it's used for therapeutic purposes to help relieve stress, anxiety and depression. The weight of the blanket helps to put the user at ease and improve the user's mood.

• Dancing: Aside from being fun, dancing, even when you're dancing alone, releases oxytocin which, as previously mentioned, helps to improve your mood and provides a sense of well-being.  

Getting Help in Therapy

There are times when self soothing practices aren't enough to overcome the emotional pain of anxiety, depression or feelings of loneliness and isolation.

A licensed psychotherapist can help you to overcome your emotional pain.

Rather than suffering on your own, you could benefit from working with an experienced therapist so you can work through your difficulties.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Cope With Touch Deprivation During the COVID-19 Crisis

Physical touch is so important to our emotional well-being that babies instinctively reach for their mothers when they're distressed.  In response, an attuned mother holds her baby, giving the baby a hug or lightly squeezing her baby's hand to give reassurance, and the baby responds by calming down.  

The Power of Touch

The Power of Touch

Touching and being touched is so essential--and yet we're being advised by the CDC and other medical experts to socially distance ourselves during the COVID-19 pandemic to avoid being exposed to the virus.  

Although social distancing, which includes staying 6 feet or more away from others, is necessary for our health right now, it has also led to many people feeling sad, isolated, lonely and depressed due to touch deprivation, especially for people who live alone (see my article: Coping With Loneliness and Social Isolation During the COVID-19 Crisis)

What makes matters even worse is that the necessity of social distancing has gone on for months, and we don't know how much longer it will be before we can safely give hugs and touch again.

Before I discuss how to cope with touch deprivation, let's take a look at why touch is so important and essential to our sense of well-being.  

Coping with Touch Deprivation

Touching in all its varieties, including hugs, handshakes, a pat on the arm or back, a kiss, a sensual touch, can:

• Calm your nervous system
• Boost your immune system
• Reduce cortisol, which is a stress hormone
• Reduce physical pain
• Activate oxytocin, which is often called the "cuddle hormone." It's essential for mother-child bonding, intimate relationships and to increase your sense of well-being and calm
• Improve your mood 
• Reduce stress, anxiety and depression
• Improve your sleep 
• Reduce loneliness and feelings of isolation

Given the power of touch and that it's essential to our well-being, is it any wonder that so many people are feeling sad and depressed because they're touch deprived?

Coping With Touch Deprivation

Following CDC guidelines about social distancing is crucial during this global pandemic.  

At the same time, while it's normal to struggle with the loss of touch, you can find other ways to build connection and reduce social isolation (see my article: Undoing Feelings of Aloneness During the COVID-19 Pandemic).

• Video Chats: If you're isolated during the COVID-19 pandemic, one way to reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation is to reach out to loved ones through online video chats.  Mirror neurons, which are neurons in the brain that are activated to create an empathic response when we look at others, helps us to feel socially connected. So, being able to connect through video chat can help to mitigate feelings of sadness and loneliness.  

• Phone Calls and Looking at Photos of Loved Ones: Even if you can't connect via video chat, you can also experience the same empathic response if you look at a loved one's picture while talking to him or her on the phone.  

• Imagination: If neither video chats or phone calls are possible, using your imagination to envision yourself hugging or being hugged by a loved one can also be comforting.

• Journal Writing: Expressing your feelings in a journal can help relieve the stress and loneliness you're experiencing (see my article: Journal Writing Can Help Relieve Stress and Anxiety).

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people have been reaching out for help during this stressful time.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, know that you're not alone.  

A licensed psychotherapist can help you to navigate through this difficult time. So rather than struggling on your own, reach out for help and emotional support.  

Getting emotional support in therapy can make all the difference in helping you to improve your mood and general sense of well-being.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Teletherapy Can Help You Overcome Anxiety

In a prior article, I discussed the advantages of doing teletherapy, which is also called telemental health, online therapy or telehealth.  In this article, I'm focusing specifically on how teletherapy can help you to overcome anxiety (see my articles: Common Reactions to the COVID-19 Pandemic: Fear and Anxiety and Coping and Staying Calm During the COVID-19 Crisis).

How Teletherapy Can Help You to Overcome Anxiety

Fortunately, in recent years, the stigma about attending psychotherapy has decreased significantly so that now many people feel more comfortable seeking help from a psychotherapist (see my articles: Mental Health Awareness: Reducing the Stigma of Getting Help in Therapy and Why Is It That It's Usually the Healthiest Family Member in a Dysfunctional Family Who Seeks Help in Therapy?).

Whether you're experiencing persistent anxiety or situational anxiety related to things going on in your life, anxiety can be a debilitating condition.

Not only can anxiety keep you up at night due to insomnia and nightmares, it can also erode your sense of self and interfere with your normal self care routines.  Lack of sleep and interference with your self care routines exacerbates your anxiety and it can precipitate a downward spiral in terms of how you feel.

Different Forms of Anxiety
There are many different types of anxiety, including:

• generalized anxiety
• separation anxiety
• anxiety with depressive symptoms
• adjustment disorder with anxiety
• posttraumatic stress disorder
• obsessive compulsive disorder
• panic disorder (see my article: Tips For Coping With Panic Attacks).
• agoraphobia
• social anxiety (see my article: Overcoming Social Anxiety).

And so on.

Pandemic-related Anxiety
It's not surprising that the COVID-19 crisis has precipitated an increase in anxiety due to many factors, including (but not limited to):

• uncertainty related to the pandemic (see my article: How to Stay Calm During a Crisis)
• fear of contagion
• fear of an unknown future
• fear of going outside
• anxiety related to being isolated
• anxiety related to being lonely (see my article: Coping With Loneliness and Isolation During the Pandemic)

Mental health experts expect a record number of people will seek help for the psychological stress related to the pandemic (see my article: The Emotional and Physical Impact of Loneliness During the COVID-19 Pandemic).

Although it's important to follow the health experts' guidelines for remaining virus free, the emotional toll of being in prolonged isolation without the usual social supports systems that people normally depend on is expected to be significant.

How Teletherapy Can Help You Overcome Anxiety

Most psychotherapists are currently doing teletherapy due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

As I mentioned in a prior article, teletherapy offers many advantages when you're unable to see a therapist in person, including:

• providing a safe environment for you to talk about your distress (see my article: The Holding Environment: Maintaining a Safe Environment For the Client)
• offering guidance on how you can manage your anxiety (see my article: Reducing Stress With the Body Scan Meditation)
• helping you to develop better coping strategies (see my article: Developing Coping Strategies)
• teaching you various anxiety reduction techniques, including meditation (see my articles: Self Care During the Pandemic: Mindfulness Meditation)
• offering you guidance for self care (see my article: Stress Management: Taking Time For Self Care)
• providing you with tips on overcoming insomnia (see my article: Tips For Better Sleep)
• helping you to gain insight into possible distortions in your thinking (see my article: Changing Distorted Thinking)
• helping you to make healthy changes in your lifestyle
• offering emotional support (see my articles: The Importance of Getting Emotional Support During a Crisis)
• providing you with techniques to overcome emotional triggers (see my article: Coping With Emotional Triggers)

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're feeling overwhelmed with anxiety or other forms of emotional distress, you owe it to yourself to get help from a licensed mental health professional.

Teletherapy offers a convenient and effective way to get help.

Rather than struggling on your own, take the first step of contacting an experienced psychotherapist.  

An experienced psychotherapist can help you to overcome anxiety and develop a sense well-being so you can move on with your life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article:  The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

With over 20 years of experience as a psychotherapist, I have helped many clients to overcome anxiety-related issues.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Conquer Your Nightmares

In my prior article, Common Nightmares During the COVID-19 Global Pandemic, I began a discussion about common nightmares that many people are having during the current pandemic and gave examples of two dreams.  In this article, I'll discuss how you can conquer your nightmares, whether they're pandemic-related or not.  To show you how to do this, I'll be taking one of the dreams from the prior article, deconstructing it and then showing how you can work with it on your own (see my article: How to Overcome Anxiety Dreams).

How to Conquer Your Nightmares

Deconstructing and Working With a Nightmare
I'm choosing Dream 2 (see below) from the prior article as an example of how you can deconstruct and work with a nightmare on your own. So, here's Dream 2:

     Dream 2  - From My Prior Blog Article
I'm a child of 7 or 8 years old. My mother tells me that we have to escape from where we're living to move back to the US.  Only a few close relatives know because it's a secret.  My mother doesn't want her husband, my stepfather, to know that we're running away because he's abusive and we're escaping from him.  I grab whatever I can quickly because we have to get to the airport fast, and I kiss my relatives goodbye.  I don't have time to say goodbye to a male friend, who has been good to me (I'm older in this part of the dream).  So, I try to text him to tell him that I had to leave due to an emergency, but my phone won't work. I know he's going to be hurt that I left suddenly without an explanation, and I feel terrible about this. Then, my mother, brother and I run to the airport to get on a rescue flight that's been arranged for us by the US government to bring us back to the states. Somehow, I get separated from my mother and brother (I'm a young child again in this part of the dream). I don't know which way to go. I'm scared and I call out to my mother, but I don't see her anywhere. Nothing looks or feels familiar, even though I know I've been to this area many times before. I see other people who are also running and I ask them the way to the airport because I'm lost.  They point the way and I run all the way to the airport. Once I get there, I realize I don't have a plane ticket. I call out to my mother again saying that I don't have a plane ticket.  Even though she's still nowhere to be found, a reassuring male voice tells me over the airport public address system that I don't need a plane ticket because this is a special government rescue flight for my family to escape. When I get to security, I realize that I'm not wearing a face mask so I'm not going to be allowed on the flight. I see everyone else around me wearing a face mask, and I look around to see if there's somewhere I can buy as mask (I'm older again in this part of the dream). Then, I realize that I do have a mask, but I've been wearing it on my chin, so I pull it over to cover my nose and mouth.  When I arrive at the gate, I still don't see my mother or brother, but I feel a little calmer because I know I'm going to make the flight and I'll escape from this place.  Somehow, I see the long document that my mother had to fill out to get approval from the government for this rescue flight. I feel badly that I didn't know before about the abuse that my mother endured at the hands of my stepfather.  While I'm waiting for the flight at the gate, I try to text my male friend again. I desperately want to reach him so he won't feel abandoned by me, but my phone still doesn't work. I feel sad that he's going to feel sad and abandoned.

It's pretty clear what makes this dream a nightmare:

• The dreamer, as a child of 7 or 8, has been told that she and her family must escape from a place in a hurry.
• She has to leave immediately without saying goodbye to her male friend, which she feels badly about.
• She loses her mother and brother as they're running to the airport.
• She fears she won't be let on the plane because she doesn't have a plane ticket.
• She fears she won't get past security because she thinks she doesn't have a face mask.
• She reads the long document about her stepfather's abusive behavior towards her mother that her mother had to fill out to get permission to take a special flight, and she feels sad she didn't know about the abuse before.
• She worries that her male friend will feel abandoned by her because she can't tell him that she must leave in a hurry.

At the same time, it's important to notice that there are points along the way where she actually gets help (see the italicized sentences in Dream 2 above), including:

• People who give her directions when she gets lost while trying to get to the airport.
• The reassuring voice that comes over the airport public address system reassuring her that she doesn't need a plane ticket because this is a special flight that has been arranged for her and her family to get away.
• She thinks, at first, that she doesn't have a face mask and then discovers that, in fact she does have one.
• She finally gets to the gate where her flight will be taking off, so she knows, at that point, that she will get away, presumably, she will be reunited with her mother and brother, and so they will all be safe.

     Learning to Do Lucid Dreaming
In a prior article, Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dreamwork, I discussed lucid dreaming.  Learning how to become lucid (or conscious) during a dream takes practice.  Some people are fascinated by lucid dreaming and they will take the time and make the effort to develop the skill.

Essentially, what you are doing when you have a lucid dream is you're realizing that you're having a dream while you're dreaming.  You remain in the dream and transform the dream to whatever you want it to be (this is explained in more detail in my article above, Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dreamwork).

The obvious advantage of learning to do lucid dreaming is that you change the dream while you're in the dream as opposed to when you wake up.  The disadvantage (if you see it as a disadvantage) is that, while some people can learn to have lucid dreams with little effort, most people have to make more of an effort to train themselves to have lucid dreams.  So, if you're interested in learning to have lucid dreams, I recommend that you click on the link above for my article on transforming nightmares.  The article includes a recommendation for a book on lucid dreaming.

    Rewriting the Narrative of Your Nightmare and Embodying the Changes
For people who aren't interested in developing the skill to do lucid dreaming and who prefer a simpler and faster way for dealing with nightmares, I suggest rewriting the narrative of your nightmare after you have written down the original dream the way that it occurred:

• Keep a pen and pad by your bedside so you're ready to write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.
• Before you go to sleep, spend a few minutes giving yourself the suggestion that you will remember your dreams.
• When you wake up and you sense that you have had a dream, remain still for a few minutes.  This means that you don't shift around from the position that you're in when you wake up (e.g., if you're lying on your right side when you wake up, don't turn--just stay still).
• Wait a few minutes until the dream comes back to you. You might find that you remember the dream in sections in reverse order.  In other words, you might remember the last part of the dream (the part that occurred closest to waking up) first, and then you might remember the part before that and the part before that, and so on. Also, since we all have at least 4-5 dreams per night depending upon how long you sleep (whether you remember them or not), you will probably remember your dreams in reverse order too.
• Write down whatever you remember from the dream--even if it's just a snippet or an image.  You can still work with a small part of the dream.  Also, it gives your unconscious mind the suggestion that you're interested in your dreams and make it more likely for you to gradually remember more each time you wake up from your dreams.  Over time, if you keep writing down your dreams, you will remember more details.
• After you have written down your dream, rewrite the dream so that it's no longer a nightmare.

So, for example, if you were the dreamer who had Dream 2 (above), you could rewrite the dream however you want to, including:

• Making it easier for the dreamer, the mother and brother to get to the airport together by having a relative drive them there, so they don't have to run to the airport and the dreamer doesn't get separated from the mother and brother.
• A relative or friend could offer the dreamer his or her phone so that the dreamer can contact her male friend rather than the dreamer trying to rely solely on her malfunctioning phone. This will relieve the anxiety that the dreamer has about hurting her male friend's feelings and causing him to feel that he's been abandoned by her.
• Since the dreamer would be with her mother and brother (rather than losing them, as she did in the dream), the mother can reassure both children that they can get on the plane without a plane ticket so that the dreamer doesn't have to go through worrying she doesn't have a plane ticket.
• The mother can reassure the dreamer that they all have the required face masks to get on the flight.
• The dreamer, mother and brother can all be at the gate together ready to get on the plan.

There are many different ways to rewrite Dream 2.  As an alternative, the dreamer can rewrite the dream so that it's not necessary to escape at all, in the following way:

• The mother tells a relative, who is recognized to be a powerful figure in the family, about the stepfather's abusive behavior and this relative confronts the stepfather and tells him that he must stay away from the mother, dreamer and brother.  The stepfather is fearful of this relative so he never bothers the family again.
• The mother reports the abusive stepfather to the police.  They arrest him and he is no longer a threat.
• And so on.

The second part of reworking the dream is to rehearse and embody the rewritten dream (see my article about The Mind-Body Connection and New Symbolic Memories and The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

In other words, after you have rewritten the original dream so that it's no longer a nightmare, you spend a little time rehearsing the rewritten dream and noticing the emotions that come up for you and where you feel these emotions in your body.

Feeling the emotions and noticing where you feel these emotions in your body will help you to have a stronger sense of the rewritten dream because you're not just writing and reading what you have written, you're also taking the time, in effect, to rewire this revision of the dream using the mind-body connection.

So, for instance, if you choose to have a relative, who is a powerful person in the family, confront the abusive stepfather, after you have written this and read it, you would take a few minutes to notice what emotions come up for you.  Maybe you have a sense of relief and you notice that you feel that in your gut. Or, maybe you feel gratitude for your relative, a sense of empowerment through this relative and you notice that you feel this in your chest.

If you have someone that you tell your dreams to, whether it's a therapist, a friend or a spouse, telling this person the original dream and the rewritten dream will also be helpful.  You will feel less alone with the dream and hearing yourself tell someone else the original dream and the rewritten dream can be a powerful experience.

By rewriting the dream, you're not denying that you had a nightmare.  Instead, you're a way to conquer the nightmare so you have a sense of relief.  It's also an important recognition that you are the author of your dreams and that you can also be the author of your rewritten dreams.

Getting Help in Therapy

Some people can work on nightmares on your own. Many other people are unable to cope with nightmares because these dreams are related to trauma.

The dreamer and the dreamer's family in Dream 2 are trying to get away from an abusive stepfather, which could indicate a history of unresolved trauma if this dream is related to actual events in the dreamer's life (see my article: How Past Trauma Lives on in the Present).

It's not unusual, whether it's during a pandemic or any other time, for people with traumatic histories to have nightmares, including recurring nightmares. 

If you are struggling with nightmares, whether they are related to a history of trauma or not, you're not alone.  You can get help from a licensed psychotherapist, who has experience helping clients to overcome nightmares.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced mental health professional so that you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.