How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain

This article was updated on September 17, 2026. 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy works by utilizing bilateral stimulation to unlock maladaptively stored traumatic memories from the subcortical brain, allowing them to be functionally integrated by the prefrontal cortex. 

Originally developed by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D., EMDR is an integrative, evidence-based psychotherapy that synthesizes elements of psychodynamic theory, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and somatic interventions.

Integrating speech and memory: EMDR therapy uses bilateral stimulation to bridge the brain's hemispheres, allowing raw, wordless trauma networks to be processed into a coherent verbal narrative.

As a licensed psychotherapist in New York City specializing in trauma recovery, I completed my foundational EMDR training in 2005 after observing that traditional talk therapies often fell short for clients navigating complex PTSD. Over the past two decades, extensive neuroimaging research has clarified how this profound modality rewires the brain, particularly when enhanced by advanced somatic tracking and clinical visualization techniques.

How Emotional Trauma Hijacks the Brain’s Anatomy

To understand the efficacy of EMDR, one must first look at how acute psychological trauma alters neural architecture. Traumatic experiences disrupt normal memory consolidation, trapping memories in an unintegrated, raw state within the nonverbal, subcortical structures of the brain—specifically the amygdala, thalamus, hippocampus, and brainstem.

Neuroimaging and neurobiological research highlight several critical shifts in a traumatized brain:

• Frontal Lobe Deactivation: When a traumatic memory is triggered, advances in brain scanning show that the left prefrontal cortex—specifically Broca’s area, which governs speech and logic—effectively shuts down. This explains why individuals with PTSD struggle to form a coherent verbal narrative of their past; the reasoning brain goes offline.
• Right-Hemisphere Hyper-Activation: While the logical left brain dims, the right hemisphere—associated with emotional states, sensory images, and autonomic nervous system arousal—lights up intensely. The amygdala fires a continuous neuroception of threat.
• The Loss of Temporal Context: Because these memories are isolated from the frontal lobes, they retain a sense of timelessness. Traumatized individuals experience past terror with such visceral immediacy that the central nervous system cannot distinguish "then" from "now" (see my article: Working Through Emotional Trauma: Learning to Separate "Then" From "Now".).
• Corpus Callosum Impairment: The corpus callosum serves as the neural bridge facilitating interhemispheric communication between the emotional right brain and the cognitive left brain. Trauma dysregulates this pathway, trapping distressing memories in isolated, unintegrated neural networks.

The AIP Model and Bilateral Stimulation (BLS)

The foundation of EMDR therapy rests on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model. The AIP framework posits that the human brain naturally processes psychological disruptions through associative memory networks—much like digesting food or healing a physical wound. Under normal conditions, minor stressors are integrated through daily reflection, journaling, or REM sleep dreams.

However, an overwhelming traumatic event floods the body’s chemistry, causing the brain's natural information processing system to freeze. The memory becomes frozen in its original, highly distressing state, containing the exact sights, sounds, and physical sensations of the initial threat.

EMDR systematically restarts this frozen processing system using Bilateral Stimulation (BLS). By introducing alternating, rhythmic stimuli—which can include lateral eye movements, tactile hand-directed tapping, or alternating auditory tones—EMDR facilitates the following clinical shifts:

1. Accessing the Isolated Network: BLS gently stimulates the right hemisphere to bring the subconscious, maladaptively stored memory into conscious awareness.
2. Activating Left-Brain Logic: The rhythmic left-to-right stimulation keeps the left prefrontal cortex online, allowing the analytical brain to observe the trauma safely.
3. Promoting Adaptive Integration: By forcing both hemispheres to communicate across the corpus callosum, EMDR allows the brain to form new, adaptive neural connections. The traumatic memory is finally stripped of its visceral, high-anxiety charge and re-filed as a neutral historical event.

Get Help in EMDR Therapy

Emotional trauma that creates psychological, physical, and interpersonal problems is much more common than most people realize.

Research has shown that EMDR is one of the most effective forms of therapy to overcome emotional trauma.

If you are suffering with emotional trauma, rather than suffering alone, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is trained as an EMDR therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, EFT Couples Therapy and Certified Sex Therapist, 

I provide depth-oriented experiential counseling to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as throughout New York State online via secure telehealth.
• Initial Consultation: I provide a complimentary 15-minute introductory phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.
• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours, or you can connect with me via email.

 

Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional or physician regarding a medical or psychological condition.

Surviving the End of a Relationship

Ending a relationship is often a challenging experience with many complex, non-linear emotional reactions (see my article: Overcoming the Heartbreak of a Breakup).

Surviving the End of a Relationship

Each person's reactions to a breakup vary at different stages, but there are some common reactions, including a mixture of all the feelings mentioned below:

Common Emotional Reactions

• Sadness: Most people experience sadness after a breakup whether they were the ones who wanted the breakup or not. This often involves crying, social withdrawal and a deep sense of loss. For some people it also includes a period of depression.

• Seeking Explanations: Most people have a strong need to understand why the relationship ended, often replaying past events in their mind to try to find answers.

• Shock and Denial: If the breakup was unexpected, many people have a difficult time accepting it at first because the breakup is a shock. This can lead to a sense of denial that the relationship is over or to a sense of numbness.

• Bargaining: Many people will try to regain control by promising to change or plead for another chance. 

• Anger and Resentment: Many individuals feel angry and resentful if they didn't initiate the breakup. This can lead to lashing out against their ex or self destructive behavior.

• Relief: If the relationship was a high-conflict or unhealthy relationship, an individual might experience a sense of relief.

Common Physical and Psychological Reactions

In addition to the emotional reactions, a breakup can affect the body and daily functioning:

• Brain Chemistry: As a result of a breakup, an individual can experience a loss of the "feel good" hormones like dopamine and oxytocin which can lead to withdrawal-like symptoms. This can also create cravings for the ex-partner.

• Physical Symptoms: An individual going through a breakup can experience increased cortisol which can result in muscle tension, headaches, sleep disturbance and changes in appetite.

• Cognitive Symptoms: It's not unusual to experience a temporary decrease in concentration, memory and decision-making abilities.

Recovery Behaviors

Each person has their own individual recovery behaviors that work for them. Some people prefer to get active again and others prefer to spend time on their own in solitude to recover (see my article: What is the Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude?).

• Going No Contact: Many individuals prefer to go no contact with their ex rather than rehashing their feelings, engaging in bargaining or ongoing discussion about anger and resentment.

Surviving the End of a Relationship

• Spending Time in Solitude: There are some individuals who prefer to spend time on their own to deal with a breakup. They might spend time meditating, journaling or doing other solitary activities they find self affirming.

• Re-engaging in Hobbies and Social Activities: Some people find they prefer to immerse themselves in activities that are meaningful to them including engaging in hobbies and social activities. 

• Reframing the Loss: Being able to reframe a loss usually doesn't happen immediately because it can take time to work through some of the more difficult feelings about the breakup. If someone tries to "reframe" too soon in the grieving process, it can mean that they are avoiding dealing with difficult emotions and they just want to fast forward the process too quickly. For individuals who have allowed themselves to go through the stages of grief about the breakup, reframing can mean seeing the loss in terms of a period of self growth and a time to reinvest in themselves by exploring new interests and build resilience.

• Seek Support: Reaching out to supportive friends and family members as well as to a mental health professional can help to deal with the sense of grief, loss, shock or denial which is often involved in a breakup.

How Can Therapy Help to Deal With a Breakup?

Working with a skilled licensed mental health professional provides a safe, supportive and structured environment to process intense emotions and practical changes involved with a breakup.

Surviving the End of a Relationship

Working with an experienced psychotherapist can help to accelerate the healing process by offering an objective perspective as well as tools and strategies that family and friends often cannot provide.

Well-meaning friends and family members often urge individuals who are going through a breakup to "move on" and "get out there and meet someone new" before the person going through the breakup might be ready. 

Aside from providing a supportive environment, a skilled therapist can also help with:

• Normalizing Common Reactions to a Breakup: An experienced therapist knows that there are common reactions to a breakup and won't try to push you to "move on" before an individual is ready. At the same time, if someone is stuck and unable to grieve, a skilled therapist can help the individual to overcome the obstacles that might be getting in their way.

Surviving the End of a Relationship

• Helping With Emotional Regulation and Coping: Experienced therapists can teach clients skills like grounding techniques, mindfulness, breathing exercises as well as other skills to manage intrusive thoughts and emotional distress.

• Restoring Daily Functioning: If a breakup has disrupted sleep, appetite and ability to function in other ways, an experienced therapist can help you to re-establish your routines and regain focus on daily activities.

• Rebuilding Identity: Many people lose their sense of self when a relationship ends, especially a long term relationship. 

• Breaking Relationship Patterns: By looking at past relationship dynamics, you can identify unhealthy patterns and set healthy boundaries in future relationships.

• Regaining Confidence: If the breakup has caused a loss of confidence, a licensed mental health professional can help an individual to regain their confidence. 

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (four couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a Trauma Therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

When Love Doesn't Conquer All

Coping With a Breakup When Closure With Your Ex Isn't Possible

How to Be Open to New Possibilities After Healing From a Breakup

Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

In recent years, researchers have discovered that the initial phase of a new romantic relationship is characterized by new relationship energy (NRE).  NRE refers to that intense passion you experience at the beginning of a romantic relationship, which can be exhilarating and fun (see my article: The 5 Stages of Love From Attraction to Commitment).

Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

NRE occurs during the so-called "honeymoon phase," which typically lasts up to 2-3 years or so.  

This is the phase when you spend a lot of time thinking about and yearning for that person, and when you see each other, you can't keep your hands off each other.

The Brain and New Relationship Energy 

Dr. Nan J. Wise, cognitive neuroscientist, licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, explores NRE in her book, Why Sex Matters.  

According to Dr. Wise, NRE includes high levels of dopamine flooding the brain.  

Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

Dopamine plays a major role in movement, motivation, perception of reality and the ability to experience love and pleasure. 

High levels of dopamine can make you feel giddy and euphoric when you're around your partner.  

In addition, you usually experience high levels of oxytocin, often referred to as the "cuddle hormone," and vasopressin, which makes you feel emotionally and psychologically attached to your partner.

So, it's no wonder NRE makes this phase of the relationship so intense.

Tips For Keeping the Spark Alive in a Long Term Relationship

As previously mentioned, NRE eventually diminishes.

The chemicals in the brain settle down and, if your relationship endures past this phase, your feelings for each other often mature into a deeper kind of love.

Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

While it's normal for NRE to wane after a while, many couples want to know how to keep the romantic and sexual spark alive in their relationship.

Here are some tips:

• Keep Joy Alive: The ability to experience joy together is important, especially for a long term relationship that will, inevitably, go through ups and downs.  The ability to laugh together is important to maintaining the vitality in your relationship.  In addition, finding new and novel ways to be with each other can also keep the joy alive.  This could include you and your partner being more playful with each other and exploring new fantasies.

• Engage in Open Communication: Being able to give and receive feedback openly is important to keeping the spark alive.  This means being open to hearing feedback which might not always be positive without getting defensive as well as your ability to talk openly and tactfully with your partner about how you feel about all aspects of your relationship, including sex (see my articles: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex - Part 1 and Part 2).

• Show Your Love and Affection: Rather than holding back, nurture your relationship, show your love for your partner by being physically affectionate, allowing yourself to show you're happy to reconnect with them when you've been apart, being emotionally and sexually generous in ways that are pleasing to both of you, making loving eye contact with your partner, establishing relationship goals, being aware of your peak erotic experiences as a couple, and finding other ways that are meaningful to both of you (see my articles: What Are the 5 Love Languages? and What If You and Your Partner Have Different Love Languages?).

• Be Open to New Experiences: Whether this means exploring new interests, ideas or places or finding new and exciting ways to be sexual, being open to new experiences helps to keep the spark alive in your relationship (see my article: Being Open to New Experiences).

• Be Your Own Person: Rather than merging together, find that balance between being your own person and being part of your relationship.  Maintain your own identity and interests as well as those you share with your partner.  Learn to compromise about time together and time apart.  Not only will being your own person allow you each to grow as individuals, but you'll both have something unique to bring to your relationship.  

• Be Generous: It's easy to take one another for granted, especially in a long term relationship, so it's important to show your appreciation and to be kind and emotionally generous.  Instead of keeping score, pick your battles and know when to overlook certain things that aren't important in the long run.  Know your partner's love maps and talk about your own.

Getting Help in Therapy

Everyone needs help at some point.  

If you have been unable to resolve your problems on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed psychotherapist.

A skilled therapist can help you to develop the tools and skills you need to live a more fulfilling life.

So rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has the expertise and experience to help you.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to Many Women? Brain Chemistry Might Be Part of the Answer

Are you a woman who usually falls for men who are considered so-called "bad boys" and neither you nor your friends understand why these guys are so irresistible to you?

What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to Many Women?

It Seems Counterintuitive: Women Who Are Usually Stable and Responsible Fall for "Bad Boys" 
Often, it seems completely counterintuitive because the woman who falls for "bad boys" is often the woman who is the most stable, responsible and kind person who never gets into trouble herself, but she falls in love with guys who are edgy, constantly in trouble, emotionally unavailable and sometimes abusive, and constantly breaking her heart.

Just a note before I go on:  I'm using the phrase "bad boys" as a shorthand expression that most people understand without having to go into a lot of detail.  But, in fact, I have a lot of empathy for these men, who often have a long history of trauma, and underneath that tough exterior, there's often a lot of fear and shame.  Of course, working with them as a psychotherapist is different from being in a romantic relationship or married to them and in a lot of emotional pain. 

Why Are So Many Women Drawn to "Bad Boys"?
There can be as many reasons as there are women who fall for guys who have a reputation for being "bad."

Some psychotherapists believe that women who are drawn to "bad boys" are working through unresolved trauma from their family history, especially if they had a father who was unreliable, irresponsible, and emotionally abusive.

Other psychotherapists believe that this dynamic involves a woman's need to "rescue" the man, who is often traumatized and in need of a lot of emotional support.

Other therapists believe that women in these types of relationships are masochistic.

All of the above theories, either individually or in combination, might apply to some women sometimes, but it often doesn't explain this dynamic for many women who had loving, stable fathers and who are not masochistic or in need of rescuing people.

The Brain Reward Circuit and an Irresistible Attraction to "Bad Boys"
Another interesting theory, proposed by Richard A. Friedman, MD, in his article, "I Heart Unpredictable Love" (NY Times) is that this type of attraction involves the brain reward circuit (see link below for the article).

According to Dr. Friedman, the brain reward circuit is a primitive part of the brain that is exquisitely attuned to rewards, whether they are rewards of money, sex, or food.

When the reward is unanticipated, the circuit releases dopamine which gives the person a pleasurable and exciting feeling.

Unpredictable Love and the Brain Reward Circuit

As a result, when you're involved with someone who is unpredictable, as so-called "bad boys" tend to be, you get a sense of pleasure and excitement from the brain reward circuit.  This, in turn, fuels your attraction and obsession, from the brain reward circuit.

It can feel like an "addiction" in much the same way that people who gamble compulsively feel addicted to gambling.  The difference is that you're "gambling" with the unpredictable nature of the relationship as well as your own well-being.

Often, you're unaware of this sense of pleasure and excitement that's being generated by the brain reward circuit.  In fact, your rational mind might be telling you that this guy isn't at all good for you and you should stay away.  But when the brain reward circuit is releasing the dopamine, you might find yourself with this "bad boy" despite what you know rationally.

Does This Mean That You'll Always Be Attracted to "Bad Boys" For the Rest of Your Life?
I've worked with many women who found themselves irresistibly drawn to so-called "bad boys" and who were able to overcome this problem.

Unfortunately, for some women, it often takes a lot of emotional pain before they override their brain chemistry to make healthy choices for themselves.  But just because you feel a sense of pleasure and excitement doesn't mean that you can't make healthy decisions for yourself.  You can.

Getting Help in Therapy
Relationships with "bad boys" can take its toll on you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's a high price to pay.  And many women discover that, after being in a few of these types of relationships, they aren't as emotionally resilient as they used to be and it gets harder to move on.

If you have tried on your own to stop getting in emotionally unhealthy relationships, but you can't do it on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional.

If you're motivated to change, you can learn how to override the impulse to get involved with men who are constantly hurting you.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, read my blog article:
The Heartbreak of the On Again-Off Again Relationship

I Heart Unpredictable Love - by Richard A. Friedman - New York Times