Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

In a prior blog article,  Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help: Part 1, I focused on why people often have fears about asking for help.  In today's article, I will discuss the consequences of giving into that fear and not asking for help.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

Just as the reasons why people fear asking for help are many and varied, so are the consequences of not asking for help, so it won't be possible to consider every possible consequence.  But we'll look at some of the most common ones.

Procrastination
When people are afraid to ask for help, one of the things that they often do is procrastinate for as long as possible.  They might know that, eventually, they'll need to ask for help, but they will delay as long as possible.  Often, they'll bargain with themselves by telling themselves, "I'll do it tomorrow," and then tomorrow becomes the next day and the next.  This often leads to other consequences, including:

     A Situation Can Go From Bad to Worse
When people procrastinate because they're too afraid to ask for help, a situation often goes from bad to worse.  An example of this at the workplace might be that an employee feels too overwhelmed to complete a project with a deadline.  She doesn't want her boss to think she's incompetent so she keeps trying harder to complete the project, but she really knows she can't complete it in time.  Unable to overcome her fear and shame, she waits until a few days before the deadline to let her boss know that she won't be able to do it on time.

There can be worse situations that involve health issues that go from being a chronic issue to an emergency.  Or, when people are afraid to ask loved ones for financial help, assuming that their loved ones have the financial wherewithal to help, it could result in an eviction, poor credit and other similar consequences.

     A Greater Cost With Regard to Time, Money and Effort
Continuing with the same workplace example from above, at that point, this employee's boss tells her that if he had known sooner, he could have shifted other employees from less urgent projects to this one without too much of a problem.

 But because he's only hearing about it a few days before the deadline, he will have to tell these other employees that they must work overtime to get the job done.  This extra effort at the Eleventh Hour will not only inconvenience others, but it will cost the company more in terms of time, money, and effort.

     Lost Opportunities
Giving in to a fear of asking for help can result in lost opportunities.  There can be many examples of this.

The one that comes immediately to mind is one I've mentioned before in another blog article involving a student I met when I was beginning my undergraduate degree.  We were both registering for classes (at that time, you had to do this in person because there was no Internet).

This student, who was about 10 years older than me, mentioned to me that she waited 10 years to go to college, saving all of her money.  She didn't spend money on going out or buying new clothes.  She saved all of her money over the years for tuition.   She had such a fear of asking for help that she never found out, until she registered, that she was entitled to financial aid.  Instead, she put her life on hold for 10 years and made this unnecessary sacrifice because of her fear of asking for help.

A Lack of Balance and Reciprocity in Your Relationships
Reciprocity is an important element in friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships.  In situations where you feel comfortable helping, but you're uncomfortable asking for help for yourself, most of the time, your loved ones become uncomfortable coming back to you for help.

This type of situation can create a lack of balance and reciprocity in your relationships.

I'm sure you can think of many other examples or you know of other situations either from your own personal experience or from people that you know.

Getting Help in Therapy
The point is that a fear of asking for help can have serious consequences for you and others, and overcoming this fear can be a freeing experience.  I'll focus on how to overcome this fear in the next blog post.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and  Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Also see:  Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help - Part 3: Some Tips.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help - Part 1

Do you have problems asking for help?  Feeling comfortable asking for help doesn't come naturally for many people.  If you have problems asking for help, you're not alone.

Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help

Whether it's asking for help at home or at work, asking for help from family, friends or colleagues is often daunting for many people for a variety of reasons.  Shame is often a big factor.

Since this is a big topic for a blog, I'm going to deal with this issue in a few blog articles.  In this article, I'll discuss some common reasons why people often have problems asking for help.  In future blog articles about this topic, I will explore the consequences of being too fearful to ask for help and how to overcome this problem.

Common Reasons Why People Have Problems Asking For Help:

Fear of Appearing "Weak"
It's interesting that many people, who wouldn't hesitate for a second to help others, often feel that if they have to ask for help themselves that it's a sign of "weakness."

They don't feel this way about other people who ask them for help. But when something happens and they need help, they feel too ashamed to ask. They fear that others will judge them as being "weak" and "needy" if they need help.  

Fear of Loss of Control and Independence
Many people fear that if they have to rely on others to help them, they'll lose control over whatever the situation might be because the person who is helping them will take over.  Often, this has its roots in their childhood history where adults really did take over at that time without allowing the children to have any sense of control or independence.

As a society in the US, we idealize the qualities of independence and self reliance.  People who are able to overcome difficulties on their own by "pulling themselves up by their boot straps" are given high praise.  We glorify people who perform heroic acts, whether this occurs in the news, a movie, or a story in a book.  Because of this, many people feel they should be independent and self reliant all of the time.  They feel they should be able to cope with whatever life throws in their way, no matter what it is.

Fear of Looking Foolish or Stupid
No one wants to look bad.  People who are afraid of asking for help assume that others will see them as foolish or stupid for not being able to handle whatever situation they're dealing with on their own.

People who fear looking foolish or stupid don't want to lose face in front of friends, family or colleagues.  Once again, shame is a big part of the problem.  This can be made even more difficult in a work situation where colleagues are very competitive.

Fear of Being Disappointed Again
For people where there's a childhood history of neglect or abuse, they've learned at an early age that if they ask for help, they will be disappointed.  They've learned that people aren't reliable and it's better not to ask for help.

This could be exacerbated when these same people, as adults, unconsciously choose friends or romantic partners who are irresponsible or unreliable.   Without realizing it, they're often repeating a pattern from childhood by continuing to choose people who will disappointment them.  Then, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy again and again, confirming their belief that they shouldn't ask others for help.

Fear of Being a Burden to Others
Many psychotherapy clients have mentioned this fear, even when they have a large support network among family and friends who are more than willing to help them.  They automatically assume that people will feel burdened by a request for help.  So, rather than feeling like they're burdening others, they keep their need for help to themselves.

One of the underlying issues in this case is that, at the core, these people often don't feel "good enough" or lovable and, because of this, they don't feel entitled to ask for help.

Fear of Being Vulnerable or Being Duped In Some Way
People who have trust issues (often due to their early history) might fear that they will be duped in some way by people who say they will help them, but who have alternative motives.  They fear they will be taken advantage of by the person who is supposed to be helping them.  How much any one person feels this is a matter of degree ranging from a mild concern to bordering on paranoia.  This is similar to fear of being disappointed.

Fear of Being Assertive
Shyness or a feeling of awkwardness can stop someone from asking for help.  For these people,  it takes a lot of courage to admit that they need help, no matter what type of help it might be.  In many cases, these people also just don't know how to ask for help.  They've never learned how to do it.

Fear of What Will Be Asked In Return
For other people, asking for help automatically means that they'll be indebted to others and it will shift the power dynamic in their relationships.  They automatically assume that asking for help will come with an emotional "price tag" that they might not be able to pay.

Assumptions That Others Should Know That You Need Help Without Being Asked
Many people, who are either too ashamed to ask or feel they aren't deserving of help, rationalize not asking for help by saying that they feel others should already know that they need help without being asked directly.  They feel it should be obvious.

The problem is that, even when it seems obvious to you, other people, for a variety of reasons, often don't recognize it.  They might be completely willing to help if they're asked, but they either don't know or they're afraid to intrude on your situation or there could be so many other reasons why they don't volunteer their help, even though they'd be willing if asked.

When you shift the responsibility onto others because you think they should already know without your having to ask, you're not taking responsibility for what you need.  Once again, there is often a lot of shame underlying this mindset, but the blame gets shifted in a defensive manner onto others.

Getting Help in Therapy
I recognize that one of the most difficult challenges for many people is calling a therapist to ask for help.  People have many misconceptions about what it means to come to therapy, including that a person has to be "crazy" to go to therapy.  Of course, this couldn't be further from the truth.  Furthermore, therapists who go into private practice do so because they want to help people.

If you're considering attending therapy, it's often easier to ask for a consultation first.

When I receive calls from potential clients, I consider the first session to be a consultation where both the client and I see whether we are a good client-therapist match.

I will continue this discussion in future blog posts.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome their fear of asking for help.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 3: Tips For Self Care

In my two prior blog articles, I introduced the topic of self care for caregivers as well as common emotional reactions that caregivers have (see links below for these articles).  In this blog article, I'll focus on tips for self care (see my articles: Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1 and Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2 - Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions).

Self Care Tips For Caregivers

Self Compassion
Having compassion for yourself as a caretaker is very important.  It's important to be aware that you're going through a difficult time.  Many caregivers either override their emotional reactions or they try to push themselves harder, often leading to chronic stress or burnout.

Chronic stress can lead to many other medical and psychological problems, including heart problems, migraines, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, depression and anxiety.

If a close friend or loved one was going through a similar situation, you would have compassion for him or her, so why not for yourself?

If you allow for self compassion, in my opinion, you're more likely to take care of yourself, so here are some tips that can be useful.

Ask for Help
This is a time when it's important to have a good support network.  Whether you ask for help from family members or friends, don't be ashamed to admit that you can't do everything.  Admit that you're human and, as humans, we all have certain limitations.  Others might want to help, but they might not know what you need, so you need to communicate clearly and specifically what you need.

Aside from loved ones, you might also ask for help from your local church or organizations that are set up to provide respite care.  For instance, the Alzheimer's Association in certain areas provides respite care that can make all the difference in the world.

At the same time, be aware that some people might not be able to help due to the circumstances in their own lives.

Stay Healthy
Taking care of a loved one can make you feel exhausted, stressed and emotionally and physically depleted.  It's important to eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, engage in physical exercise that's right for you, and to have regular medical checkups for yourself for preventive healthcare.

Participate in Support Groups (if you can)
If you're fortunate enough to have support groups in your area, you could benefit from the mutual support available in such a group.  Many organizations, like the Alzheimer's Association and Cancer Care, have support groups.  If you don't have support groups in your area that meet in person, you might be able to find a support group that meets online.  Just knowing and hearing about other caregivers who are having similar experiences can help you to cope better with your situation.

Write in a Journal
Journaling about your feelings when you're going through a difficult time, can help you to release pent up emotions.

Self Care Tips For Caregivers: Write in a Journal

Journaling can also help you to clarify your thoughts and emotions.  You might even discover, as you journal, that there are some bright spots in your experience that you might overlook if you don't take the time to reflect and write about your experiences.  In addition, you might also capture in writing certain poignant moments with your loved one that you can treasure in the future.

Get Help in Therapy
When you attend therapy with a skilled therapist, your session is completely focused on you.  This is so important in terms of your self care when you're a caregiver and your time and energy are mostly focused on someone else.  By participating in therapy, not only can you learn how to cope better as a caregiver, but you can get the emotional support that you need.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, EFT, AEDP and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I provide therapy to individual adults and couples in an empathetic and supportive environment.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2: Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions

In my prior blog article, I introduced the topic of  Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1 and indicated that I will be discussing different aspects of how caregivers are affected by their responsibilities as well as what they can do with regard to self care so they don't neglect their own health and well-being (see my article: Self Care For Caregivers - Tips For Self Care).

Self Care For Caregivers: Common Emotional Reactions

In this blog article, I'll be focusing on caregivers' common emotional reactions in an effort to help caregivers recognize that not only are these emotions common, but they are completely normal and to be expected.

As a caregiver, you might not experience every single one of these emotional reactions, but you probably will experience many of them.  I believe it's helpful for caregivers to know that there are many other people who are in the same role who are experiencing similar reactions.  Knowing that millions of other people either have gone through or are going through a similar experience can provide some relief.

Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions

Here are just some of the most common reactions:

• Sadness: When you're taking care of a loved, it's normal to feel sad for your loved one as well as for yourself and other close friends and relatives who are affected by your loved one's illness.  If you feel sad for more than two weeks, you might be depressed and in need of professional mental health care to keep the depression from possibly developing into a debilitating problem.

• Loneliness: Taking care of a loved one can make you feel isolated and lonely.  When you're a primary caregiver, it's hard to believe that anyone else could understand what you're going through, even if they tell you that they've had similar experiences.

• Anger and Frustration: Anger is a common reaction when you're a caregiver.  You might feel angry with the disease or disorder that's making your loved one sick, angry at medical or psychological professionals involved in your loved one's care, and angry with friends and family.  You might feel angry with "fate" or "God" for "allowing" this situation to occur.  At times, you might feel angry with your loved one for being sick,  You might even feel angry with yourself at times.  You might feel, even with all objective evidence to the contrary, that you're not doing enough and you should be making a super human effort to "fix" the situation, even if this is impossible.

• Fear: Fear is a common reaction to overwhelming events.  You might be worried about being able to handle your responsibilities for your loved one as well as for yourself and other family members.  You might be afraid of what will happen next and if you're emotionally and physically prepared for it.  There can be so many other fears involved with taking care of a loved one.

• Guilt: Along with feeling angry with yourself, you might also feel guilty for a variety of reasons.  You might feel angry and guilty, as mentioned above, that you're not doing enough for your loved one.  You might also feel guilty for wanting a reprieve from your caregiving responsibilities.  Of course, this is a normal response when you're a caregiver.

• Grief: Whether you're grieving for the decline of your loved one's health or for how your life "used to be" before your loved one had a health crisis, grief is a common response for caregivers.

Related Articles:

Self Care For Caregivers - Part 1

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're a caregiver who feels overwhelmed, you're having a common reaction to a difficult situation, and you owe it to yourself, as well as your family, to get help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping caregivers through a difficult time.  

Getting help might not change the external circumstances of your life, but it can be very beneficial to your emotional health and well-being and your loved ones.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many caregivers to get through the emotional challenges involved with taking care of loved ones.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care for Caregivers - Part 1

Becoming a caregiver for someone you love is often an unplanned and sudden event.  Whether you are the caregiver for your spouse, lover, parent, child or someone else in your life who is dear to you, you might find yourself suddenly in a situation where you feel totally unprepared to juggle the various demands of taking care of your loved one while trying to manage the countless details of daily life.

Self Care For Caregivers

Primary Caregivers Often Forget to Take Care of Themselves
When you're the primary caregiver for a loved one, it's easy to forget to take care of yourself.  You might forget about your own health and well-being.  And, yet, if you neglect your own health, you could easily become sick, and you won't be able to do the things you need to do for yourself--let alone try to take care of your loved one.

To suddenly find yourself in the role of a primary caregiver can derail you both physically and emotionally.  Most people don't have the luxury of putting aside the rest of their lives to focus exclusively on being a caregiver, so being a caregiver can feel overwhelming.

In upcoming blog articles, I'll focusing be on the importance of self care for caregivers and steps that you can take to take care of yourself (see my articles: Self Care For Caregivers - Part 2: Caregivers' Common Emotional Reactions, Self Care For Caregivers - Part 3 - Tips For Self Care

Emotional Support for Caregivers
One of the most important aspects of self care is having emotional support.  Being able to talk to supportive friends and family who are willing to listen can help to ease some of the emotional burden.

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people find it helpful to talk to a psychotherapist, who is objective and impartial.  A therapist, who has experience helping primary caregivers, can help you to cope with the emotional strain of taking care of your loved one as well as balancing his or her needs with your needs.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have worked with many clients who were primary caregivers and helped them to take care of their own needs.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Experience Their Feelings - Part 2

In my prior blog article,  Adults Who Are Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Feel All Their Feelings  - Part 1, I began a discussion about how difficult it can be for traumatized adults to allow themselves to feel all their feelings.  Today, I would like to continue this discussion and focus on some of the consequences for adults when they continue to suppress uncomfortable feelings.

Traumatized and Afraid of Emotions

Suppressing Uncomfortable Feelings Can Have Many Negative Consequences
As I mentioned in my prior article, traumatized children often have no choice but to suppress their feelings.  It's often an adaptive thing to do because allowing themselves to feel uncomfortable feelings related to the trauma would be too overwhelming for them in most cases.

But when these same people become adults, if they continue to suppress uncomfortable feelings, it isn't useful any more.  As adults, suppressing uncomfortable feelings can cause all kinds of other emotional, physical and interpersonal problems.

Suppressing Uncomfortable Feelings Can Lead to the Following Emotional, Medical, Marital, Family, Career and Interpersonal Problems:

Depression and Anxiety 
When you suppress uncomfortable feelings, it can lead to depressive and anxiety-related disorders.  Why does this happen?  Well, when you suppress your feelings, these feelings don't just go away.  They often intensify.  The more you try to push them down, the more intense they become.  It becomes a vicious cycle that for many people can lead to serious episodes of depression and anxiety.

Medical Problems
Medical problems like migraines, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), insomnia, muscle aches, joint stiffness, and a compromised immune system are among the many physical problems that can result from suppressing feelings. 

Marital and Family Problems

Think of the employee at work who feels he must do everything possible to suppress his anger at his boss while he is at work.  Then, he comes home and he often loses his temper with his wife and children.  It's often not intentional--he just can't contain his feelings any more.  There can be misunderstandings between him and his wife or between him and his children because he's so distracted by his pent up feelings.

Career Problems

There can be so many ways that suppressed feelings can cause problems in a career.  It can cause poor communication with your boss or colleagues.  You also might not be picking up on social cues because all of your energy and focus is going into keeping your feelings down.  This can have disastrous consequences for your career.

Substance Abuse, Sex Addiction, Gambling and Other Impulsive and Addictive Behavior
Many people, who try to suppress feelings, turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex and other forms of addictive behavior in an effort not to feel their feelings.  Aside from the physical problems that addictive behavior can create, addiction ruins lives for those who are addicted as well as their loved ones.  Without help, it usually leads to a downward spiral 

Problems with Feeling Inauthentic to Yourself and to Others
Suppressing feelings can also make you feel disconnected from the core of who you are as a person.  It can make you feel inauthentic to yourself as well as to others, especially if you're trying to "put on a happy face" to hide your true feelings.  This often doesn't work because others can sense that there's something amiss.

Developing the Capacity to Feel and Accept Your Feelings: Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing
When you've spent a lifetime suppressing feelings that you're uncomfortable with, you need to learn how to develop the capacity to feel and accept your feelings.  I will address this in more detail in future blog posts but, for now, I'll close by saying that, I've found the combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing to be one of the most gentle and effective ways to develop this capacity.  

Clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing allow the therapist and client to work with manageable segments of the problem in a way that's usually tolerable for the client.  In my experience, these two treatment modalities, which emphasize the body-mind connection, help the clients to deal with traumatic experiences and work through these issues so that clients learn to feel and accept all their feelings.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have unresolved trauma, you owe it to yourself to get help from a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in trauma work.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  

I have helped many clients to work through their trauma so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Often Fear Their Emotions

Many people, especially people who were traumatized as children, are afraid to feel the full range of their feelings, especially feelings they're uncomfortable with.   If they feel sad, angry, fearful, hurt, or ashamed, they often want to do whatever they can to suppress and avoid sensing these feelings.  

Adults Who Were Traumatized as Children Often Fear Their Emotions

Being willing to feel all their feelings, and not just the ones they feel comfortable with, isn't easy.  Of course, it's understandable that most of us would rather experience happy feelings, but it's not humanly possible to always feel happy.  So, it's important to develop the capacity to feel, tolerate and accept all feelings rather than pushing them down.

Since this is such a big topic for one blog, this is Part 1, and I'll continue to discuss this topic in future blog posts.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Often Fear Their Emotions
Many adults, who were traumatized as children, have vivid memories of feeling completely overwhelmed by a traumatic event in their lives.

In many cases, there was no one to help them, as children, to get through the trauma, so they were left on their own to deal with overwhelming events.  Or, even if there were adults around, the adults might have been overwhelmed themselves by the event (or events) and didn't have the capacity to help.

Young children, who are traumatized without anyone to help them, have limited capacity to deal with their overwhelming feelings.  In order to survive emotionally and, sometimes, physically, these children learned to suppress their overwhelming feelings to protect themselves.  At that point in their lives, it might have been the only thing they could do.  And, at the time, it was an adaptive thing to do, given the limited options.

The problem is that, when these same children grow up and they're adults, what was adaptive when they were children is no longer adaptive.  As adults, suppressing feelings can cause a variety of physical, emotional and interpersonal problems, which I will discuss in a future blog post.

What these adults often don't realize is that now that they are adults, they can develop more of an emotional capacity to deal with trauma, especially if they work with a therapist who has expertise in working with trauma.

Getting Help in Therapy
One of my specialties is working with trauma.  

I have worked with many traumatized adults who have suppressed uncomfortable feelings for most of their lives.  They often come to see me for therapy when they've discovered that continuing to suppress feelings causes problems on many levels for them.  Even though they wanted to change, they didn't know how before they came to therapy, especially after they spent so many years pushing their feelings down.

Over the years, I have learned and developed many different ways of working with trauma so that I can tailor each treatment to the needs of each client.  Aside from talk therapy, I have found mind-body oriented psychotherapy, like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis to be effective in helping clients to overcome trauma, even clients who have tried to overcome these problems in therapy for many years.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Adults Who Were Traumatized As Children Are Often Afraid to Feel All Their Feelings - Part 2

What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to Many Women? Brain Chemistry Might Be Part of the Answer

Are you a woman who usually falls for men who are considered so-called "bad boys" and neither you nor your friends understand why these guys are so irresistible to you?

What Makes So-Called "Bad Boys" So Irresistible to Many Women?

It Seems Counterintuitive: Women Who Are Usually Stable and Responsible Fall for "Bad Boys" 
Often, it seems completely counterintuitive because the woman who falls for "bad boys" is often the woman who is the most stable, responsible and kind person who never gets into trouble herself, but she falls in love with guys who are edgy, constantly in trouble, emotionally unavailable and sometimes abusive, and constantly breaking her heart.

Just a note before I go on:  I'm using the phrase "bad boys" as a shorthand expression that most people understand without having to go into a lot of detail.  But, in fact, I have a lot of empathy for these men, who often have a long history of trauma, and underneath that tough exterior, there's often a lot of fear and shame.  Of course, working with them as a psychotherapist is different from being in a romantic relationship or married to them and in a lot of emotional pain. 

Why Are So Many Women Drawn to "Bad Boys"?
There can be as many reasons as there are women who fall for guys who have a reputation for being "bad."

Some psychotherapists believe that women who are drawn to "bad boys" are working through unresolved trauma from their family history, especially if they had a father who was unreliable, irresponsible, and emotionally abusive.

Other psychotherapists believe that this dynamic involves a woman's need to "rescue" the man, who is often traumatized and in need of a lot of emotional support.

Other therapists believe that women in these types of relationships are masochistic.

All of the above theories, either individually or in combination, might apply to some women sometimes, but it often doesn't explain this dynamic for many women who had loving, stable fathers and who are not masochistic or in need of rescuing people.

The Brain Reward Circuit and an Irresistible Attraction to "Bad Boys"
Another interesting theory, proposed by Richard A. Friedman, MD, in his article, "I Heart Unpredictable Love" (NY Times) is that this type of attraction involves the brain reward circuit (see link below for the article).

According to Dr. Friedman, the brain reward circuit is a primitive part of the brain that is exquisitely attuned to rewards, whether they are rewards of money, sex, or food.

When the reward is unanticipated, the circuit releases dopamine which gives the person a pleasurable and exciting feeling.

Unpredictable Love and the Brain Reward Circuit

As a result, when you're involved with someone who is unpredictable, as so-called "bad boys" tend to be, you get a sense of pleasure and excitement from the brain reward circuit.  This, in turn, fuels your attraction and obsession, from the brain reward circuit.

It can feel like an "addiction" in much the same way that people who gamble compulsively feel addicted to gambling.  The difference is that you're "gambling" with the unpredictable nature of the relationship as well as your own well-being.

Often, you're unaware of this sense of pleasure and excitement that's being generated by the brain reward circuit.  In fact, your rational mind might be telling you that this guy isn't at all good for you and you should stay away.  But when the brain reward circuit is releasing the dopamine, you might find yourself with this "bad boy" despite what you know rationally.

Does This Mean That You'll Always Be Attracted to "Bad Boys" For the Rest of Your Life?
I've worked with many women who found themselves irresistibly drawn to so-called "bad boys" and who were able to overcome this problem.

Unfortunately, for some women, it often takes a lot of emotional pain before they override their brain chemistry to make healthy choices for themselves.  But just because you feel a sense of pleasure and excitement doesn't mean that you can't make healthy decisions for yourself.  You can.

Getting Help in Therapy
Relationships with "bad boys" can take its toll on you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's a high price to pay.  And many women discover that, after being in a few of these types of relationships, they aren't as emotionally resilient as they used to be and it gets harder to move on.

If you have tried on your own to stop getting in emotionally unhealthy relationships, but you can't do it on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional.

If you're motivated to change, you can learn how to override the impulse to get involved with men who are constantly hurting you.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, read my blog article:
The Heartbreak of the On Again-Off Again Relationship

I Heart Unpredictable Love - by Richard A. Friedman - New York Times

Another Study Reveals There's a Seasonal Pattern to Mental Health

Many clients that I see in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City tell me that they notice a seasonal pattern to their mood and that they tend to feel happier in the spring and summer when there's more sunlight as opposed to the winter when there's less sun.  

Study Reveals a Seasonal Pattern to Mental Health

Most of these psychotherapy clients who report a seasonal pattern to their mood don't meet the criteria for seasonal affective disorder.

Seasonal Pattern to Mental Health
There have been studies before that show a seasonal pattern to mental health.  

A New York Times article by Nicholas Bakalar discusses yet another study with similar findings (see link below for the article).  

The full research study is reported in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.

It's great to have the research to back up what has been reported to most therapists for a long time.

Getting Help in Therapy
Whether you notice a change in your mood due to seasonal changes, current circumstances in your life, longstanding problems or for reasons unknown, rather than suffering alone, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Seasonal Pattern to Mental Health - Nicholas Bakalar - NY Times

More Seniors Citizens Are Attending Psychotherapy These Days

More senior citizens are attending psychotherapy these days, according to Abby Ellin of the New York Times (see link for the article and a video below).  For many seniors, the stigma that once was associated with attending therapy no longer exists.  

More Seniors Are Attending Therapy

They've seen their children and grandchildren attend therapy and they're aware now that a person doesn't have to be "crazy" to attend therapy.  Also, people are living longer these days, and many of them don't want to live an unexamined life for their remaining years.

My Internship Experience With Senior Citizens at a Local Nursing Home
When I was in graduate school, I was a clinical social work intern at a local nursing home.  At the time, the thinking was that all these senior residents needed was someone to talk to and keep them company because they were lonely.

So, I was assigned to meet with a few of the residents on a weekly basis, and as I met with them, I discovered that they had unique problems at this stage of their lives that weren't being addressed.

Recognizing that senior citizens have unique issues that are often unaddressed might seem like commonsense now, but back then, this wasn't the thinking in the administration.  They were quite surprised to hear that residents were interested in talking about their personal histories and how it affected their lives, unresolved family issues, their emotional and social isolation, their fear of dying, and many other related issues.

A Positive Shift in Perspective For Administrators:  Seniors Can Benefit From Psychotherapy
The administration was surprised at how open these residents were to talk about themselves and their problems.  Rather than just "keeping them company,"the residents and I were addressing important, sometimes longstanding, issues in their lives.

I was very happy that by the time I left the internship, the administration had changed their views, and they hired a therapist to provide psychotherapy sessions to these residents.

Many Seniors Can Work Through Trauma
There is one area where I disagree with Ms. Ellin.  At one point in the video, she says she thinks that most seniors probably will not make big changes in their lives.

Of course, a person's ability to make changes, no matter what the age, is different for each person.  But, contrary to what I understood Ms. Ellin to say, I have worked with senior citizens using EMDR to work through longstanding trauma.  So, contrary to what many people think, many seniors can, indeed, make big changes in their lives.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Therapy Can Help in the Golden Years - by Abby Ellin - New York Times

Movies: Discovering a Father's Secret Life After His Death

I recently went to see "Before and After Dinner With Andre", a wonderful documentary about actor and director Andre Gregory, which was made by his wife Cindy Kleine.  Many people will remember Andre Gregory from the film, "My Dinner With Andre".  

One of the themes in Before and After Dinner is that Mr. Gregory discovers information in a book that implicates his late father, a Russian Jew, as a Nazi collaborator.  Mr. Gregory begins a search to discover if his father was leading a secret life.

Movies: Discovering a Father's Secret After His Death

Unraveling the Mystery of a Father's Secret Life
Most of us can only imagine how painful it could be to try to unravel and piece together such a mystery about one's own father, and how many questions this would raise, especially after a father's death when he's no longer around to answer questions.  The film, which will be released in other cities in the US soon, is worth seeing, so I don't want to give it away.

Although most of us will never have to deal with a mystery of this magnitude about our fathers, it's not unusual for questions to arise after a father's death about some aspect of his life, and for adult children to search for answers about his life.

There's also a book that was recently published, After Visiting Friends: A Son's Story, written by Michael Hainey.  I haven't read the book, but it sounds intriguing.  According to the reviews that  I've read, the author was told when he was a child that his father died "after visiting friends," which was a euphemism for a secret aspect of his father's life.  So, Mr. Hainey sets out to discover what really happened to his father.

The Adult Child Must Be Emotionally Prepared to Discover the Father's Secret
I've worked with clients in my psychotherapy practice in NYC who had reason to believe, after their fathers died, that their fathers led secret lives that these clients felt compelled to discover.  

This type of search can become an all-consuming endeavor because of the amount of effort that's often required to find out "the truth."  And, at times, even with an exhaustive search, the results of the search might be ambiguous.  Also, the child, who is now an adult, must be emotionally prepared to learn whatever there might be to discover about his or her deceased father.

In many cases, just knowing that there were possible secrets can be jarring for the adult child, as described by Andre Gregory in the film, Before and After Dinner, to find out that the father you thought you knew while he was alive isn't who you thought he was--or you didn't have the whole story.

Often, this type of search about one's deceased father is not only about trying to discover information about who the father really was, but also an effort to try to understand what this means with regard to the father-child relationship.

This type of search can evoke many different kinds of emotions, including sadness, anger, and feelings of betrayal and abandonment, depending upon the father's secret and why a part of the father's life was kept secret from the child.

It can cause the adult child to wonder about the meaning of a father's secret life and how it might reflect on his or her relationship with the father when the father was alive.

Ultimately, whether an adult child decides to initiate such an investigation about a father is a very personal choice.  There are some people who would rather not know.

In any case, I highly recommend the documentary, "Before and After Dinner", which is both funny and poignant.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Fathers and Sons: Coming Out as a Gay Man to Your Father

Coming out to your father as a gay man can be emotionally challenging.  In many families, there's a real risk that you'll be rejected.  I've worked with many gay men of all ages in my psychotherapy practice in NYC who have struggled with this issue.

Fathers and Sons: Coming Out as a Gay Man to Your Father
 

Of course, I've also known both gay men with heterosexual parents who didn't have a problem when they came out to them.  But if you're on the fence about coming out to your father or you've already come out and it has placed a strain on your father-son relationship, you already know how emotionally challenging this can be for both you and your dad.

The following vignette is  a composite of many cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality:

Alan
Alan knew from the time that he was about 12 years old that he was gay.  Growing up in a traditional family in the Midwest, he didn't feel he could talk to his parents or brothers about it and he felt lonely and confused.

Alan felt especially worried about what his father would think if he knew Alan was gay.  His father was a kind man, but he was also conservative in his values.  Alan didn't want to be a disappointment to him.

When he was in his teens, Alan tried dating girls, but he knew he wasn't interested in girls.  He had crushes on boys, but he didn't dare tell his friends.  He didn't know anyone who was gay, so he continued to have a lot of questions about his sexual orientation until he moved to NYC to go to college, and he met other gay young men.

It was such a relief to meet other young men who felt the same way that he did.  He went out on dates, but he was too afraid to get sexually involved with any of the young men he dated.

He kept his gay social activities a secret from his family.  He thought his mother might understand because she tended to be more open minded than his father.  But it was all so new for him that he wasn't comfortable with his sexual orientation himself, so he decided to start therapy.

After we started working together for a few months, Alan began to feel more comfortable as a gay man.  He realized that before he felt more accepting of himself, it would have been hard to come out to his parents.

To make it easier for Alan, we developed a plan where he would start with the person he thought would be the most accepting and easiest to talk to.  Alan chose his younger brother, who tended to be more liberal than the rest of the family.  And his younger brother was encouraging, supportive and happy that Alan came out to him.

One by one, Alan called his brothers and, to his surprise, each one of them told him that, even though they might not understand it, they loved him and wanted him to be happy.

Feeling a little more confident, he spoke to his mother, who told Alan that she had sensed from the time he was a young boy that he might be gay.  She was tearful and told him that she worried about him getting HIV.  Alan told her that he had not been sexual with a man yet, but he assured her that he would be careful.

Then Alan asked his mother how she thought his father would react if he came out to him.  His mother was silent, and then she said she didn't know.  She thought that his father might need time to get used to the idea.  But she thought, ultimately, he would come around.

Until then, Alan's experience of coming out to his family had been mostly positive.  He knew that coming out to his father would be the most challenging part of coming out as a gay man.  Although  his mother never pressured him about it, Alan knew his father wanted him to get married to a woman, have children, and lead a traditional life.

Rather than coming out to his father over the phone, Alan decided to do it in person when he went home for a visit.   Before he went home, Alan had several sessions to talk about his fears about his father rejecting him.  This caused Alan a lot of emotional pain.

Before he went home, Alan purchased a copy of the book, Now That You Know: A Parent's Guide to Understand Your Gay and Lesbian Children, which is written for parents of gay children.  The original plan was for Alan to have the talk with his father on his third day at home. But the day came and went and Alan was too afraid to talk to his father.

So, that night, he wrote his father a letter telling his father how much he loved him and how much he valued their father-son relationship.  He also told him that he was happier than he had ever been now that he could be himself and he hoped his father would understand.

The next day, when they were alone sitting on the porch, Alan handed his father the letter and asked him to read it.  His father hesitated, at first, to open the letter.  Alan's heart was pounding in his chest and his hands were sweating, but he urged his father to read it.  Then, he watched a frown come over his father's face as he read the letter, folded it back up again, and walked away silently into the garden.

Alan continued to sit on the porch.  He felt numb and frozen in place.  He didn't know how to interpret his father's reaction.  He was afraid his worst fears had come true and that his father was upset.  He watched the sun go down, and continued to sit in the same spot until early evening.  When it was time for dinner, Alan's mother told Alan and his brothers that their father wasn't feeling well and he wouldn't be coming down to dinner.  Alan felt tears stinging in his eyes, and he decided he would pack his things after dinner and leave a few days early.

As he was packing that evening, he heard a knock on the door.  When he opened the door, he saw his father standing there, eyes averted, looking at the floor.  Alan didn't know what to expect, but he let his father in.  They sat together on Alan's bed, silently, for what seemed like a long time.  Then, his father spoke in a hoarse voice and said, "I don't understand it.  I'm going to need time, but you're my son and I'll always love you."  He reached over and gave Alan a big hug.  Then, he left before Alan could respond.

Alan left the book for his father to read.  He continued to work in therapy on his coming out process. He realized that it had taken him a while to feel comfortable with being gay, so he knew it would be a process for his father too.

Getting Help in Therapy
The coming out process is different for everyone.  If you're struggling with your own feelings as well as your fears about how your family will react, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in this area.  It could make all the difference in your process.  I've included resources below for gay organizations.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EMDR therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples, and one of my specialties is working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer clients.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist 

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Resources
LGBT Center - NYC
Gay and Lesbian National Help Center - Hotline
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Dad Now That You're a Father

How many times did you hear these words from your father, "You'll understand after you have children"? At the time when your father told you this, you probably felt annoyed and frustrated with him.  But now that you have your own children, you might have a different perspective.

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Dad Now That You're a Father

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Father
Although it may be hard to admit, looking back on things our parents said to us when we were growing up that was annoying to us back then often makes a lot of sense now.  This is often especially true after you have your own children.  Since I'm focusing on a series of blog articles about fathers, my focus will be on fathers and sons in this article but, of course, women can relate to this too.

When boys become teenagers it's common for them to have a contentious relationship with their fathers.  Being neither a young child nor an adult, being a teenager can be confusing and frustrating for the teenage boy as well as his father.  It can be a time when the father-son relationship becomes strained.

Often, after men get married and have their own children, they gain a new perspective about what it means to be a father.  And, the same men who rebelled against their fathers when they were teens often come to have a new appreciation for the complexities of fatherhood.  They usually develop more of a sense of compassion for their fathers than they had when they were younger.

The following vignette is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality:

John
When John was a young child, he and his father had a close relationship.  But when he became 15, his relationship with his father became strained.

John wanted to stay out late with his friends, but his father gave him a curfew of 10 PM, which John resented.  He had other friends whose parents allowed them to stay out later than 11 PM, and John felt resentful towards his father.

From John's perspective, his father was treating him like a baby.  He couldn't wait to be old enough to leave home and go to college.  His father would usually tell him, "You'll understand after you have children of your own."   Whenever John heard this, he would roll his eyes.

When John Was 15, He Often Felt Annoyed With His Father

Years later, when John and his wife had their own teenage son, John realized why his father was so worried about him when he went out.  John's son, Joe, also wanted to stay out late with his friends when he was 15.

But, now that he was a parent, John was very aware of all of the dangers that were out there that his son brushed off.  He also knew what it was like to be 15 and to feel hemmed in by your father.  On the one hand, he wanted his son to have a good time and not resent him.  On the other hand, he knew Joe lacked the maturity to make good decisions for himself and there was reason to be concerned about his safety.

John gave Joe a curfew knowing that Joe would resent it and that, possibly, Joe would rebel against it.  But John knew that, in the long run, he was doing what was best for his son, even though Joe couldn't appreciate it at the time.

Having to deal with these issues with his own teenage son, John now had a new perspective and appreciation for what it was like for his father back when John was a teen.  He felt a new sense of compassion and love for his father.  He realized now that his father was setting limits for him because he loved him and not because he wanted to be mean, which is what John thought when he was a teenager.

Looking back on his relationship with his father, John realized that many of the things he didn't understand with regard to his father's decisions were much clearer to him now that he had to face many of the same decisions.  So, the next time he called his father, John told him, "I hate to admit it, dad, but you were right.  Now that I have my own son, I understand what you went through as a father."

Being able to talk to his father as one father to another made John feel closer to his father than he had ever experienced before.  From then on, he sought advice from his father about raising children because he realized now his father really was a loving dad.  And, he was glad his father didn't just allow him to do whatever he wanted to do like his friends' fathers.  He could look back now and appreciate that.

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Father With a New Understanding
With maturity and life experience, sons often look back on their relationships with their fathers with a new sense of gratitude and compassion.  Going through this process can bring you and your father closer together.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To  set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see:  Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship With Your Dad

Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship with Your Dad

In an earlier blog article, I wrote about relationships between mothers and daughters.  In this blog article and in a series of upcoming articles, I'll be focusing on fathers, including many psychotherapy clients' desire to improve their relationship with their father. 

More Men Are Coming to Therapy Now Than in Years Past

There was a time when most clients in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC were women.  Things have changed, and men represent about half of the clients in my practice.  

Improving Your Relationship With Your Father

Of course, men come in for many different reasons, including problems in their relationship or career.  Many men come in because they want to improve their relationship with their dad.  For other men, this issue might not have started as the presenting problem, but it will emerge as an underlying problem, often with men who are having problems with self esteem.

Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship With Your Dad

My experience has been that, generally, people tend to come to therapy after a problem has been brewing for a while and their attempts to try to deal with it themselves haven't worked.  This also applies to men who have problems in their relationship with their father under a variety of circumstances.

Wanting to Improve Your Relationship With Your Father, But Not Knowing How

Even in circumstances where the father-son relationship is strained, generally, clients usually say that they would like to improve the relationship, but they don't know how.  Often, their prior efforts to improve the relationship haven't worked out.

A Vignette About a Father-Son Relationship

It isn't possible to address every permutation of problems between fathers and sons, but I'll address one particular problem that I often encounter with psychotherapy clients in the following fictionalized vignette, which represents a composite of many different psychotherapy cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality.

Joe

Joe, who was in his mid-30s, came to therapy because he was having problems with self esteem.  He also had a history of having problems with male bosses, which created problems for him in his career.

When he began therapy, his problems with self esteem created problems for him in his two year relationship with his girlfriend, Alice.  Although he knew there was no objective reason for feeling the way he did, he still struggled with his feelings that Alice would eventually leave him for another man.  

Despite Alice's reassurance that she loved him and she didn't want to be with anyone else, Joe couldn't shake this feeling.  He knew his feelings of insecurity were creating tension in his relationship and that they might bring about what he most feared--the demise of his relationship.

With regard to his career as a sales representative, Joe was successful and he was well liked by his colleagues and his clients.  His boss often praised him for his work, but Joe had a particular problem with his boss:  He had problems accepting constructive criticism.  His initial reaction was to tense up and become defensive. 

Later on, Joe often realized that his boss had a point, and his comments were meant to help Joe, not to hurt him.  But, try as he might, Joe couldn't overcome his feelings  of insecurity and his initial reaction to become defensive.  He knew that, in the long run, this would be a problem if he wanted to move ahead in his career.

Joe's family history was that he was the older of two sons.  His mom stayed at home to raise Joe and his brother and, later on, when Joe was in his teens, she worked as a real estate agent.  Joe's father had his own construction business.

Joe's mother was the more nurturing parent.  Joe described his father as being a man of few words.  He wasn't outwardly demonstrative with his affection.  He was more likely to show his affection by spending time with his sons shooting hoops in the backyard or showing them how to fix things around the house.

Joe remembered that, as a child, even though he always wanted to please his father, he felt like he continually disappointed his father.  His father loved all kinds of sports, but Joe had little interest in sports.  He played hoops in the backyard with his father and brother and joined the Little League to please his father.  

Joe remembered many afternoons where the family drove home in stony silence after a Little League game where Joe missed every pitch in the game.  Joe could feel his father's disappointment, and he felt deeply ashamed.  

It was even more embarrassing for Joe because his younger brother was such a good athlete and loved playing all kinds of sports.  Joe's father and brother bonded over sports, and it was painful to Joe because he felt like such a disappointment to his father.  He wanted desperately to bond with his father the way his brother did, but he didn't know how.

The situation got worse when Joe was in his teens.  At the time, Joe and his brother would often help their father in his construction business.  Whereas his brother really enjoyed learning about the business, Joe wanted to be helpful, but he was bored.  His father assumed that both sons would join him in the business after they graduated college.   Joe didn't know how to tell his father that he had no desire to become part of the family business.

After Joe graduated college, he spoke to his mother about wanting to strike out on his own rather than  becoming part of his father's business.  His mother was understanding and she encouraged Joe to talk to his father about it.  But Joe couldn't face seeing his father's disappointment, so he asked his mother to talk to his father about it.  

After his mother talked to the father, Joe's relationship with his father became even more strained.  He could see that his father was deeply hurt.  The business was passed on from Joe's paternal grandfather and Joe's father was disappointed that Joe, as his older son, wouldn't be a part of it.  Joe and his father never talked about it directly.  

By the time Joe came to therapy, his relationship with his father was strained and awkward.  Joe dreaded going home to visit his parents.  He attended the obligatory family holidays, but he would leave soon after dinner. He and his father barely spoke or even made eye contact, which was painful for Joe and he was sure it was painful for his father too.  He wanted to be able to talk to his father, but  he just didn't know how.

It was clear to both Joe and I that his problems with his girlfriend and the problems he had at work accepting constructive criticism were linked to his history with his father.  Using a combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing, Joe was able to remember a time in his life when he and his father had a better relationship when Joe was about four or five.  

Memories of that time were very poignant for Joe, and being able to access the positive feelings he felt for his father allowed him to write his father a heartfelt letter about how much he loved him and wanted them to have a better father-son relationship.  

To his Joe's amazement, his father was very moved by Joe's letter and told him so.  This began a long process of Joe and his father opening up to each and getting closer.  It wasn't easy to overcome years of tension.  And Joe's father was especially awkward talking about his feelings, but they began the process of repairing their relationship.

As Joe's relationship with his father improved and he began to realize how much his father loved him,  his self esteem improved.  He felt less insecure in his relationships with his girlfriend and his boss.  His only regret was that he wasn't able to improve his relationship with his father sooner.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're struggling with your relationship with your father, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has experience working with these issues.  Many people don't realize that problems they're struggling with now originate in their early relationships.  Rather than continuing to struggle with these feelings, your life could be so much more fulfilling if you got help.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.