Why is the Psychotherapist's Empathic Attunement to a Client's Unconscious Communication So Important in Therapy?

When there is a strong sense of empathic attunement between the therapist and client, when feelings are unspoken and communicated without words.  Feelings can be communicated unconsciously (see my article: Why is Empathy So Important in Psychotherapy?).

A Therapist's Empathic Attunement

Sensing Unconscious Communication
A skilled therapist, who is trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy, can often pick up on a client's unconscious communication during a therapy session.  It often goes the other way too, where an intuitive client can pick up on what is unconsciously being communicated by the therapist.

In fact, at various times, we all pick up on what is unconscious and unspoken in our daily lives, especially with people who are close to us.  Sometimes we're more aware of it than others.

The Psychotherapy Session as a Unique Time and Place For Unconscious Communication
The psychotherapy session is a unique place where a special time is designated on a weekly basis for the therapist and the client to meet to focus on the client's emotional needs.  

There are no interruptions or distractions, so this creates an especially good environment for the therapist to pick up on unconscious communication if she works with unconscious process.

There are times when a therapist might ask about what she senses with the client on an unconscious level because she thinks it would help their work together.  Then, there are other times when she might not because it would be premature and would not serve their work.

As a therapist, I find that it's usually best to ask the client rather than to tell him or her what I might be sensing on the unconscious level for several reasons:

• First, I could be completely wrong in what I think I'm sensing.  
• Second, I might be correct, but the client might not be ready to talk about it.  
• Third, by being somewhat tentative in discussing possible unconscious communication, it allows clients the freedom to reflect on it in their own way rather than imposing my view.

Often, if the therapist is emotionally attuned and the timing is right, talking about what is being unconsciously communicated by the client can open up new areas to be explored in the therapy.

An Example of the Therapist's Empathic Attunement to Unconscious Communication in the Therapy Session
It's not unusual for clients to experience feelings of abandonment when their therapist plans to be away.  These are often unconscious feelings.

Clients, who had behave like adults when they were children, are very good at hiding fear of abandonment. They had a lot of practice as children pretending that they were okay when they really weren't (see my article: Unresolved Childhood Trauma).

Many clients even convinced themselves as children that they were really okay when they really weren't.  So, pretending to be okay to themselves as well as others when they're not comes naturally to them.  They don't even need to think about it.

If the therapist is attuned to a client and also knows the client's history, the therapist can often sense the client's unconscious feelings of abandonment before the therapist goes away.  

It's important for the therapist to be as tactful as possible, especially for clients with unresolved trauma.

If the therapist doesn't use tact and good timing, clients might feel ashamed of their feelings, as they might have when they were children when they were expected to be more mature for their age and psychological development at the time.

But if the therapist is tactful and helps clients to understand that many clients experience similar feelings, especially if they had childhood trauma where they were abandoned emotionally, then it can be a relief to clients. This usually makes discussing what has been communicated unconsciously more meaningful to them.

How Does a Therapist Sense the Client's Unconscious Communication?
Not all therapists work with the unconscious.  For instance, a therapist who is strictly a cognitive behavioral therapist often will not deal with the unconscious mind.  

But assuming that the therapist has training in psychodynamic psychotherapy and is skilled in  detecting unconscious communication, she has different ways she might sense unconscious communication from the client.

For instance, as a psychotherapist who was originally trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy, I often sense physically or emotionally what the client is feeling.  

It's often a visceral feeling for me.  Other times, it's a thought.  Or, I might have a particular song playing in my mind and the words or tune are relevant to what's happening with the client.  

A picture might also flash in my mind's eye that is relevant to my interaction with the client during his or her session.  Then, it 's a matter of whether or not to communicate it to the client and, if so, how.

The Therapist's Attunement Can Be Emotionally Reparative For the Client
The therapist's attunement is usually emotionally reparative experience for clients, especially if they grew up with adults who weren't emotionally attuned to them when they were children.

As previously mentioned, therapists make mistakes at times.  When a therapist makes a mistake with regard to emotional attunement, it's important for the therapist to acknowledge this to the client (see my article: Psychotherapy: Ruptures and Repairs Between You and Your Therapist).

My Next Article: The Healing Potential of the Therapist's Empathic Attunement

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT,  Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

As an Experiential Psychotherapist, who is trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy,  I value clients' unconscious communication.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Trauma Therapy: The Therapeutic Benefits of Somatic Experiencing Therapy

As a trauma therapist, I have been using Somatic Experiencing (SE) to help clients overcome traumatic experiences for the last 12 years in my private practice in New York City (see my articles: Somatic Experiencing: A Mind-Body Oriented Therapy and Overcoming Emotional Trauma With Somatic Experiencing Therapy).

The Therapeutic Benefits of Somatic Experiencing Therapy

The Somatic Experiencing Framework: SIBAM

Whereas most types of talk therapy use a top down approach, which focuses only on developing insight, SE and other types of Experiential Therapy, use a bottom up approach that incorporates the mind-body connection to work through trauma (see my article: What is the Difference Between Top-Down and Bottom-Up Approaches to Trauma Therapy?).

The basic SE framework consists of the following:

• Sensation: This includes learning to experience sensations in your body in an emotionally safe way. In other words, if you're not accustomed to feeling bodily sensations as a result of your traumatic experiences, an SE therapist will help you to feel these sensations in a way that feels manageable to you. You will learn how to track internal sensations in your body as you work on issues in SE, including:

• Kinesthetic: Muscle tension patterns
• Proprioceptive: Awareness of your position in space
• Vestibular: Movement, gravity and sense of balance
• Visceral: Sensations from the gut, lungs, heart

• Imagery: The use of imagery is an important part of SE healing. This includes using your five senses:
• Sight
• Sound
• Taste
• Smell
• Hearing

• Behavior: The behavioral aspects of SE include:
• Voluntary gestures
• Facial expressions
• Posture
• Autonomic signals, including
• heart rate
• breathing

• Affect: Affect is how you show categorical emotions, including anger, sadness, happiness, fear and disgust. It also includes sensation-based feelings of attraction and avoidance, which is referred to as the felt sense (see my article: What is the Felt Sense in Experiential Therapy?).

• Meaning: Meaning refers to the words you use to describe your experiences in therapy related to all of the above (sensation, imagery, behavior and affect).  It includes whatever trauma-based negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you that you might have formed as a result of traumatic experiences. It also includes how open you are to positive emotions.

What Are the Benefits of Somatic Experiencing?

Unresolved traumatic experiences, which are held in the body, often cause problems with managing emotions.

The Therapeutic Benefits of Somatic Experiencing Therapy

Traumatic responses include fight, flight, freeze and fawn (fawn refers to people pleasing).  

Somatic Experiencing can help you:

Develop Bodily Awareness: Unlike regular talk therapy, which focuses on developing intellectual insight, Somatic Experiencing and other Experiential Therapy, helps you to develop a mind-body awareness including an awareness of the unconscious mind (see my article: Experiential Therapy and the Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind and Why Intellectual Insight Isn't Enough to Overcome Trauma).

The benefits of bodily awareness include:

• Learning Grounding and Containment Techniques: You learn how to calm your body and mind using various grounding and containment techniques (see my article: Trauma Therapy: Using Grounding Techniques and Trauma Therapy and Containment Exercises).

• Developing Resources and Using Visualization: You learn to develop internal resources so that you feel safe emotionally and physically (see my article: Developing Internal Resources and Coping Skills).

• Learning to Do a Body Scan: You learn how to sense into your body and assess where you're holding onto tension or pain and what you're feeling emotionally in your body (see my article: Doing the Body Scan Meditation).

Transform Emotional Dysregulation into Emotional Regulation

When you become aware of your emotions and how they are stored in your body, including emotional triggers related to trauma, you can learn how to use your bodily awareness, including grounding and containment techniques, internal resources, visualization and body scans, to bring your mind and body into a calm state.

Use SE Techniques on Your Own: The resources you learn in SE can be used at home, including the grounding and containment exercises, internal resources, visualization and the body scan, so that you can calm yourself between sessions and learn to deal with emotional triggers before trauma is processed to completion.

Release Trauma: Over time, as you become aware of the physical and emotional sensations in your body, you can learn to release trauma and reset your nervous system with the help of your SE therapist so you no longer feel affected by trauma from the past.

Conclusion

Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a mind-body oriented Experiential Trauma Therapy.  

SE is a gentle form of trauma therapy because SE therapists work in a titrated way to help clients to process trauma in a manageable way (see my article: Trauma Therapy: Why Establishing Safety For the Client is Important Before Processing Trauma).

SE also uses a technique called Pendulation which helps clients to manage and cope with distressing emotions. Pendulation is another resource you can use on your own (see my article: Coping With Emotional Distress by Using the SE Techniques of Pendulation).

Many people experience posttraumatic growth after they work through psychological trauma (see my article: Posttraumatic Growth: A Greater Sense of Hope and Meaning After Working Through Trauma).

When to Get Help in Trauma Therapy

If you have been unable to overcome psychological trauma on your own or in other types of therapy, you could benefit from working with a Somatic Experiencing therapist.

Working through psychological trauma allows you to live free of your traumatic history so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome psychological trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist).

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

Millions of people around the world consider their pets to be part of their family.  Not only are pets a source of unconditional love, they can also improve your mental health.

How Can Pets Improve Your Mental Health?

Pets can provide the following mental health benefits:

• Providing Comfort and Social Support: The mutual love between pets and their humans is a source of comfort for most people.  Pets and humans form a bond that helps each of them to feel less alone. 

Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

• Providing Companionship: The comfort of having a pet can reduce loneliness and social isolation. In addition, taking care of a pet can help you to feel needed and loved.

• Helping to Relieve Stress and Anxiety: Many people who struggle with anxiety experience relief with their pet. Many pets are attuned to their human's stress and anxiety and they provide emotional support.

• Helping to Relieve Depression: The companionship of a pet can help to relieve depression.

• Reducing Work Stress: Pets have a way of building bridges in groups. In most work environments employees come together more easily when there is a pet in the office. Pets also help people to be more productive and reduce stress at work.

Pets Can Reduce Work Stress

• Improving Physical Health: People who have dogs get exercise when they walk them. Daily walks can help with cardiovascular health.

• Providing Structure and Routine: Pets need daily structure to thrive and so do humans. When you have a pet, you benefit from the daily structure as well.

Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

• Helping to Meet New People: People who have pets, especially dogs, often meet new people in dog parks or on daily walks, so pets can be help to increase your social circle.

• Providing Sensory Stress Relief: Stroking a dog or a cat can help reduce your stress and help to reduce blood pressure. 

• Providing Help With Managing Emotions: Unconditional love from a pet can help people to manage their emotions when they come home from a stressful day and they are met by their loving pet at the door. This interaction can help people to transition from a difficult day to a loving home environment.

• Providing Meaning and Joy: Having a pet can provide meaning and joy, especially as you age and lose connection with loved ones who aren't around any more. A pet can increase your pleasure, give you a sense of meaning and purpose, and increase your sense of confidence and optimism.

Pets Are a Major Commitment

Before getting a pet, make sure you understand that it's a major commitment in terms of time and money.

You also have to be around most of the time to take care of a pet. For instance, if you travel a lot and you're not around, this can be lonely for a pet who doesn't understand where you are or if you're coming back.

You also need to make sure you're not allergic to certain pets.

Before you get a pet, make sure you have the right home environment. For instance, big dogs might not get the exercise they need in a small apartment.  In that case, having a cat might be better since they can thrive in cozy spaces.

Conclusion

Under the right circumstances, pets can help improve your overall health and mental health as well as bring you joy and comfort in many ways.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?

The words "fear" and "anxiety" are often used interchangeably.  While fear and anxiety often occur together, they're not the same.

What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?
While fear is an emotional response to a known threat, anxiety is more of a vague feeling of apprehension.  Anxiety can also be a response to an unknown threat.  

For instance, with regard to fear, if someone approaches you in an aggressive and menacing way, your response will be one of fear.  This person is a specific, real, present and immediate possible danger.

What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?

Anxiety is often about an anticipated event.  

For instance, if you're afraid of flying and you have an upcoming flight, you will probably feel anxious about the upcoming flight.  When you're on the plane, you will experience fear because it's happening in the here and now.

The distinctions between fear and anxiety might be subtle, but it will help you to be able t distinguish the difference.

Symptoms of Anxiety:
Anxiety can cause some or all of the following symptoms:

• muscle pain and tension
• headaches
• insomnia
• chest pain
• excessive sweating
• shaking and trembling
• racing heart
• upset stomach
• irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
• panic
• dizziness
• feeling faint

Fear can cause anxiety and vice versa.

Fear and Anxiety Produce a Stress Response
Both fear and anxiety produce the fight or flight response.  The reason this is an important automatic response is because if you were in real danger, this response would help you to survive.

For instance, if you were on a path and you saw a snake, your automatic response would be to jump away before you even thought about it.  In times of danger, you don't want to stop to think--you need to react quickly to protect yourself.  Even a microsecond can make a difference in a dangerous situation.

On the other hand, if, after you had the flight response, you realized that what you thought was a snake was actually a stick, your body would start to calm down because you no longer need to flee.

There is also the freeze response which occurs when you can neither fight nor flee (see my article: Overcoming the Freeze Response).

Self Help Tips For Coping With Fear and Anxiety
There are certain things that you can do to overcome fear and anxiety.  See my articles:

Journal Writing to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
Learning to Stay Calm During Stressful Times
Finding Inner Peace During Uncertain Times
Self Care: Feeling Entitled to Take Care of Yourself
The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation
Self Reflection and Basic Mindfulness
Research Shows That Meditation Can Change Your Brain
Learning to Relax: Square Breathing
Staying Calm When You're in the Middle of Chaos
Finding Moments of Peace During Stressful Times
Self Soothing Techniques to Use When You're Feeling Distressed
Learning to Relax: Going on an Internal Retreat
Discovering the Quiet Place Within Yourself

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're suffering with chronic fear or anxiety, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional, who has experience helping clients to overcome fear and anxiety (see my articles: Psychotherapy For Anxiety Disorders and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Rather than struggling on your own, you could learn how to overcome your fear or anxiety, so you could lead a calmer, more peaceful life with a sense of well-being.

If your fear and anxiety is related to unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a psychotherapist who specializes in treating trauma.

A trauma therapist is a licensed psychotherapist who is specialist trained specifically in helping clients to overcome both trauma related to one-time events as well as developmental trauma, which is repeated trauma and loss from childhood. 

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT for couples,  Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article:  The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I have helped many clients to overcome their fear and anxiety (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Dysfunctional Ways of Relating in Your Family

For many people, this is a long-awaited time of positive reconnection where family members get together and enjoy each other's company. For others, it may be a dreaded time for going home to see their family where everyone tends to fall into the same old dysfunctional patterns that they've been playing out for years.

Overcoming Dysfunctional Ways of Relating in Your Family

Here's a typical scenario (a fictionalized account made up from a compilation of many stories I have heard over the years and not representing any one person):

Susan is in her early 30s. She was recently promoted to be the marketing manager at her company with a large salary increase, a big office, and a secretary of her own. Now that she is earning so much more money, she can pay back the $1,000 loan that she received from her parents last year. What a relief that will be. She plans to surprise her parents by handing them a check for $1000 and telling them about her big promotion. She moved away from home after college and only makes visits home once during the summer and also at Christmas.

A week before she takes the flight home, she begins to feel that old anxiety about going home. She begins thinking about how her parents will nag her about not being married yet, how her father will talk to her like she's a teenager, and how her mother will try to convince her to move back home, telling her that she still has her old room, as if she did not have a life of her own here in New York. She thinks they need to get a life of their own so they can stop focusing on her life whenever she comes home. On the flight, her thoughts are immersed in old memories of recurring arguments with her parents and many prior ruined visits.

By the time she is walking up her parent's drive, she is very anxious and angry, anticipating the worst. In the meantime, her parents are also nervously anticipating Susan's visit. They're both reminding each other not to bring up certain topics that usually cause arguments. Within the last year, they've met two new couples in the neighborhood and they've started socializing more, going out to dinner with these couples and having them over for a friendly game of cards in their new game room. It's been the happiest time of their lives.

Both parents are worried about how they will tell Susan that they packed up the things that she left behind and converted her old room to the game room. They feel she is so easily offended that this might cause an argument and ruin another visit. The more they talk about it, the more anxious and irritated they feel.

Susan's father is bracing himself in case Susan wants to borrow more money. With the new renovations that they've made converting Susan's room into a game room, they can't afford to lend her any more money. In fact, he thinks to himself, we could use the money that we lent her last year, but she didn't even bring this up at all during their last phone conversation. This irritates him even more. By the time Susan rings her parents' doorbell, both she and they are primed for re-engaging in old, dysfunctional family dynamics again. Not surprisingly, within a short time of Susan arriving, her mother begins to bring up the subject of Susan's room and Susan flies off the handle, her parents overreact and they're back to their old dysfunctional ways of relating, stuck in an old dynamic, even though external circumstances have changed.

Why Do Families Get Stuck in Old Dysfunctional Ways of Relating?
In the scenario with Susan and her parents, it's clear that many external circumstances have changed for both Susan and her parents. There have been new and positive developments in each of their lives that you would think might change their ways of relating to each other. Yet, they're still stuck in the old dysfunctional ways of communicating.

 Part of the problem, as you can clearly see, is that their thinking has not changed. They're all ruminating about old arguments and resentments and anticipating that it will be the same this time--so that before they even see each other, their anxiety, anger and resentments are right under the surface and ready to explode at any moment.

Overcoming Dysfunctional Ways of Relating in Your Family

Old dysfunctional ways of relating to your family are difficult patterns to give up. It's so easy to fall back into feeling like a teenager again and relating to your family in the same way you did then, and their doing the same, even if you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s and older, especially if you're anticipating that this will happen again and again.

Your response to me might be to say, "But my parents will never change. This is how they've always been and this is how they'll always be. Family visits are horrible." And you might be right--maybe your parents will never change, even when you're in your 70s and they're in their 90s. It's also true that you can't control their behavior. But you can change your own behavior. This is often the key to changing family dynamics: If one person changes his or her own way of thinking and behaving, very often, the dynamic changes.

In the scenario above, everyone would have benefited from not allowing their anticipatory anxiety and anger to get the best of them. Going over and over old arguments and resentments in your mind has a way of priming you for the very interaction that you're hoping to avoid. It reinforces the old, dysfunctional ways of relating and doesn't allow room for anything new to occur.

It's like doing a mental rehearsal for the dysfunctional dynamics you're dreading, where the usual cues for old behavior patterns remain just under the surface, waiting to rush in at the first sign of a possible problem. This kind of mental rehearsal and acting out of old behaviors serves to reinforce the same dysfunctional behavior so that you and they get stuck in a rut.

Had Susan allowed her mother to finish her sentence, she might have been surprised to hear that her parents (the same parents she thought would never change) actually made positive changes in their lives. And if her parents had remained calm when Susan got angry and waited for her to calm down, they might have salvaged the day by telling her that there has been a misunderstanding and then explained what they wanted to tell her about her room and that they are now focusing on their own lives. Instead, the conversation degenerated in just the way that everyone was anticipating.

What You Can Do
If you and your family are stuck in old communication patterns that are producing the same dysfunctional patterns that you would like to change, think about what you might be doing to reinforce these old patterns and try to change your own behavior.

You might be surprised to find that one person changing his or her own behavior could make a big difference in the overall way that you and your family relate. (This is often true in family dynamics as well as in romantic relationships, friendships, and work relationships.)

And if it doesn't change the way your family relates to you, at least you can feel good that you've grown and improved your own personal development, you're not going for the bait (or providing the bait) and engaging in the same dysfunctional behavior yourself.

About Me

I am a licensed psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist in New York City. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome dysfunctional ways of relating in their relationships.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Cope With Feeling Left Out

At some point, everyone has had the experience of feeling left out. This can be a passing experience or it can be a chronic problem where you might be unaware of things you're doing that contribute to the problem.

Feeling Left Out 

How to Cope With Feeling Left Out

• Accept Your Emotions: It's normal to feel upset when you feel left out. If you find out that a friend invited other mutual friends out for dinner and you weren't invited, you can feel hurt and excluded. Before you react, take time to accept how you're feeling and that you might not have all the information. For instance, there might have been an unintentional break down in communication or a missed call or text.

• Take a Deep Breath: Take a moment to breathe before you respond without having all the facts.

• Do Some Grounding Exercises: Grounding means getting centered and calm. Using certain mind-body grounding techniques can help to calm your mind and your body (see my article: Using Grounding Techniques).

• Write About It: Journaling can help you to understand what you're feeling and whether what happened might be triggering old feelings from the past, which would add intensity to what you're experiencing in the current situation.

• Talk to Someone Who is Impartial and Outside the Situation: Talking it out with someone you trust can help you to see other possibilities.  You could gain perspective from talking to someone who is objective.

• Avoid Jumping to Conclusions: Before you react, avoid jumping to conclusions. You might have been left out of a group text or email by mistake. So, it's always a good idea not to react before you have all the facts (see my article: How to Stop Jumping to Conclusions and Personalizing Other People's Behavior).

How to Be More Approachable in Social Situations

Sometimes when people feel left out in social situations, they don't realize they're doing things that make them seem unapproachable.  

Feeling Left Out

It can be challenging to look at yourself and think about how you might be affecting the situation where you feel left out.

If you're uncomfortable in social situations, you might be coming across as aloof, bored or uninterested in what's going on around you.  People might also misinterpret your discomfort as annoyance.

The following tips can help:

• Be Aware of Your Body Language: People pick up on social cues by observing body language much more than words.  So, for instance, if you're feeling uncomfortable and you're standing with your arms crossed, you look closed off and, possibly, unapproachable.  

• Develop a More Open Posture:  Standing or sitting without arms or legs crossed with an open posture makes you look more open and approachable.

• Make Eye Contact: When you do get a chance to talk to someone, make good eye contact, but don't lock eyes with someone you're just getting to know. A good rule is to make eye contact about 60% of the time.

• Smile: Although it might be difficult to smile when you're uncomfortable, try to think about something that makes you happy and confident. 

• Avoid Distractions: Your cellphone is a distraction in a social situation. If you're on your phone, people won't want to interrupt you because you don't look open to communicating with them.

• Avoid Blocks Between You and Others: If you're in a social situation, avoid placing blocks between you and others. For instance, if you're sitting on a couch at a party, don't hold a couch pillow against yourself.  This blocks you off from others and signals you're not accessible.

• Avoid Nervous Habits: Fidgeting and other nervous habits might be interpreted as not being open to talking with others. This includes nervously scrolling on your phone, playing with your hair, and other nervous habits that people engage in when they're uncomfortable.

• Stay Attuned to Others: When you're having a conversation with someone, pay attention to what they're saying.  Aside from making eye contact, nod to show you're listening and interested.

When to Get Help in Therapy

Many people who feel left out because they have social anxiety.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 12.1% of people suffer with social anxiety, so you're not alone.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you get to the underlying reasons for your anxiety, help you to build confidence in yourself and learn skills to manage social situations that make you uncomfortable.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome anxiety.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

People who have social anxiety  find it very challenging to be in social situations. I have worked with many clients in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City to help them overcome social anxiety.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Here are some examples of situations that can be challenging for people with social anxiety:

• meeting new people 
• being the center of attention
• making small talk
• going out on a date
• eating or drinking in public
• attending a party
• speaking in public
• performing on stage
• taking an exam
• being teased or criticized
• making phone calls
• talking at a meeting
• being called on in class

People who have social anxiety are often excessively self conscious about themselves in social situations.  They often try to avoid social situations because they fear they will embarass or humiliate themselves.  They often become excessively worried weeks or even months before an upcoming social event.  They fear they will be judged by others and that others will notice that they're nervous in social situations.

Overcoming Social Anxiety
When I work with a client who has social anxiety, I tailor each treatment to the needs of the particular client.

So, one way that I might work is that the client and I would develop a hierarchical list of the client's fears.  

So, for example, if the client has an upcoming office party, he or she might include at the top of the list (as the most feared) that he or she will have to talk to the head of the company and won't know what to say.  At the bottom of the list, might be thinking about the office party before actually going.

Using the client's list of fears, I might use EMDR or clinical hypnosis to help the client overcome these fears starting with the least feared item on the list and working our way up the list.  Each time he or she is able to overcome one of the fears in session, we would go to the next one on the list until we worked on the item that he or she most feared.

I also like to give clients tasks to perform between therapy sessions. So, the client and I would collaborate on tasks that he or she would perform between sessions.  This is a useful way to work on other areas in everyday life that the client might fear.

Tips for Coping With Social Anxiety

• Rather than focusing on yourself and your fear of being embarrassed or humiliated in a social situation, pay attention to the others around you.

• Listen intently to what they have to say.

• Remember to breathe (shallow breathing can increase anxiety).

• Develop short-term strategies to help you cope when you feel overwhelmed by social anxiety (e.g., stepping outside for a few minutes to calm yourself before going back into the social event).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you suffer with social anxiety, you know how challenging it can be for you to be in social situations.  You also know that isolating doesn't work.  

If you would like to overcome social anxiety, seek help from licensed psychotherapist who has successfully helped clients to overcome social anxiety.

There are no quick fixes for social anxiety, but working with an experienced therapist to become free of social anxiety can be one of the best gifts you give yourself.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing therapist and Sex Therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website;  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.