How Does Somatic Experiencing Heal Trauma?

As a psychotherapist who specializes in helping clients to overcome trauma, I have been using Somatic Experiencing (SE) regularly for 15 years and I have found it to be a highly effective therapy to heal trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Somatic Experiencing Can Heal Trauma

How Does Somatic Experiencing Heal Trauma?

Somatic Experiencing, which is an experiential therapy, helps to shift the body's autonomic physical responses by allowing clients to process and discharge "stuck" energy associated with trauma's fight, flight and freeze responses (see my article: Somatic Experiencing: A Mind-Body Oriented Therapy For Overcoming Trauma).

Examples of this include changes in heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, breathing, which are all part of the body's autonomic response system.

"Stuck" or "trapped" energy means the body's instinctive survival response (flight, flight, freeze) to a dangerous event doesn't complete, which leaves excess energy and heightened nervous system arousal stuck in the body. 

This unresolved survival energy can take the form of ongoing health and mental health problems including (but not limited to):

• chronic pain

• anxiety

• emotional numbing 

• muscle tension

• fatigue

• hypervigilance 

• problems with self regulation

Changes in SE are often subtle responses like feeling warmth, tingling or vibrations which indicate the release of trapped trauma-related energy.

A Somatic Experiencing therapist helps to guide clients to notice and track these felt sensations (see my article: What is the Felt Sense?).

Somatic Experiencing therapists also use pendulation to help clients shift their awareness from challenging emotions to a sense of calm so they can gradually process and integrate traumatic experiences (see my article: Coping With Emotional Distress By Using Pendulation in SE).

Understanding interoceptive and proprioceptive sensations is also part of the skill building clients learns in SE.

Interoceptive sensations are the sensations within your body, like the sensations mentioned above: heart beating, muscles tensing or feeling hungry or thirsty. As part of a traumatic experience, these sensations can become hyperactivated which leads to constant anxiety or discomfort.

Proprioceptive sensations is your body's sense of where its different parts are in space and how they are moving. Trauma can disrupt proprioceptive sensations which can make you feel disconnected from certain parts of your body.

SE can change these trauma-related disruptions to restore the natural rhythms of your nervous system that became dysregulated by the trauma.  

Along the way, you learn embodied awareness so you feel more connected to your body and bodily sensations instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. This can lead to the transformation of intense and distressing sensations to a greater sense of well-being and safety.

What Are the Benefits of Somatic Experiencing?

As an experiential therapyp, Somatic Experiencing integrates body awareness into the therapeutic process which makes it unique compared to other non-experiential therapies like regular talk therapy (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma?).

Somatic Experiencing Can Heal Trauma

As mentioned above, Somatic Experiencing can help to release trauma which can bring the body back into a regulated state.

Somatic Experiencing can be used as a primary therapy or it can be integrated with other forms of experiential therapy including:

• EMDR

• AEDP

• Hypnotherapy

• Parts Work Therapy, like IFS and Ego States Therapy 

    See my article: Integrating EMDR and Somatic Experiencing

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome Trauma

As a trauma therapist, Somatic Experiencing is one modality I use either alone or in combination with other types of experiential therapy (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy).

I work in a collaborative way with clients to help them to decide which modality or combination of modalities would be best for their particular needs.

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome Trauma

If you have been struggling with unresolved trauma, you could benefit from seeking help from a Somatic Experiencing therapist.

Freeing yourself from your traumatic history can help you to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

The first step in quieting your overthinking mind is becoming aware of what you're worrying about and how it's affecting you.

How is Your Overthinking Mind Affecting You?

Worrying can take a toll on your physical and mental well-being.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

Take a step back and notice your thought patterns. When you have a moment to yourself, do you use it to relax or do something you enjoy or do you engage in repetitive thinking where you worry about whether you forgot to perform a task or if you overestimated how much someone likes you or something else you worry about?

If you tend to engage in worrying, notice how it affects your mood and how it affects your life. What's the primary emotion behind your overthinking? Are you feeling irritable, nervous or guilty? 

Being aware of the effect of overthinking also includes having bodily awareness. This means you notice your bodily responses, which might include tense shoulders, feeling tightness in your chest or clenching in your stomach--just to give a few possible examples.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

When you're aware of how you're thinking and the impact it's having on you, you have a better chance of changing it.

What Are Some Tips to Stop Overthinking?

• Distract Yourself With An Activity You Enjoy: Go to your favorite workout class or take up a new hobby. Whatever you choose, make it something that will occupy your mind.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Breathe: Learn square breathing to calm yourself. This can also take your mind off whatever you're ruminating about.  

• Meditate: Mindfulness meditation can help you to quiet your mind and be in the present moment rather than worrying about other things.

• Develop a Broader Perspective: To gain perspective on non-urgent matters, ask yourself if you will care about this non-urgent matter in five or ten years. By gaining a broader perspective, you can learn to prioritize other matters that are more important.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Help Others: Rather than worrying, consider helping others. For instance, your friend who has a young child might appreciate a break if you watch her child. You can also volunteer to help those less fortunate than yourself.

• Learn to Reframe Your Negative Thoughts: Instead of going to the worst case scenario, reframe your thoughts to consider possible positive outcomes (see my article: Develop a Different Perspective Through Reframing).

• Validate Yourself For Your Successes: Instead of focusing on things you feel you didn't get right or things you worry about not getting right in the future, acknowledge and validate your successes--no matter how small (see my article: What is Self Validation?).

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Take Action: Instead of worrying about the things you have done or haven't done, take action to do things you can take care of now. This can be empowering and give you a sense of accomplishment.

• Embrace Your Fears: Learn to accept that some things will always be out of your control and, instead of trying to push your fears away, embrace them.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Practice Self Compassion: Shift your thoughts and feelings from worrying to practicing self compassion.

Get Help in Therapy: 

If you have been unable to quiet your overthinking mind with self help tips, consider getting help in therapy. 

Get Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to stop overthinking so you can live a more fulfilling life,

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?

As a psychotherapist, I work with individual adults and couples to help them to experience and express their emotions in healthy ways.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?

The following are some of the benefits of allowing yourself to experience your emotions:

• Increased Self Awareness: Emotions offer a guide to important information about your needs, experiences and triggers. When you allow yourself to experience your emotions, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

• Better Mental Health: Suppressing emotions can contribute to stress, anxiety and depression. Also, when you suppress uncomfortable emotions, these emotions tend to come back in a stronger way. So, suppressing emotions makes the experience worse. Experiencing emotions can help to ease stress, anxiety and depression.

• Increased Confidence: Expressing your emotions is a vulnerable act which takes courage. By being courageous and expressing yourself, you can increase your confidence.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• A More Balanced Perspective: People who express their emotions in a healthy way tend to have a more balanced perspective.

• Better Physical Health: Suppressing emotions can have a negative impact on your immune system and cardiovascular system. In addition, experiencing emotions can help to improve your overall physical health.

• A Deeper Connection in Your Relationship: Openly expressing emotions in a healthy way can help to increase emotional vulnerability, which can help you and your partner to deepen your connection. This can lead to a stronger, more meaningful relationship (see my article: Learning to Embrace Your Emotional Vulnerability).

• Improved Communication: Sharing your emotions in a healthy way provides clarity and context making it easier for you to express your needs and build empathy.

• Increased Trust: Emotional authenticity can help to increase trust in your relationships.

How Can Therapy Help You to Identify and Express Your Emotions?

As a psychotherapist, I work in an experiential way (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy?).

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

Many of us weren't taught to identify and expression emotions. On the contrary, some of us were actively discouraged from expressing emotions which gives the message that emotions are dangerous (see my article: How Experiential Psychotherapy Can Facilitate Emotional Development in Adult Clients).

The reality is that everyone experiences emotions and, as mentioned above, there are many benefits to experiencing and expressing your emotions.

Psychotherapy with a therapist who works in an experiential way provides the following benefits:

• A Confidential and Nonjudgmental Environment: Being able to identify and express your emotions in a confidential and nonjudgmental environment is essential for emotional healing (see my article: The Holding Environment: Maintaining a Safe Environment For the Client).

• Attuned and Compassionate Listening: A therapist who works in an experiential way attunes to her clients and listens with compassion. She also validates your emotions which allows you to be more emotionally vulnerable and deepen your understanding of yourself (see my article: The Healing Potential of the Therapist's Empathic Attunement).

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• Help to Identify Suppressed Emotions: Experiential therapists can help you to understand emotions you have been suppressing, possibly for a lifetime, so you can become more self aware (see my article: How to Manage Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them).

• Improved Emotional Vocabulary: If you had to suppress certain emotions in your family of origin, you might not have developed the necessary vocabulary to express yourself. Developing emotional vocabulary can increase your confidence.

• Improved Coping and Emotional Regulation Skills: An experiential therapist can help you to learn better coping skills and emotional regulation by helping you to develop tools and strategies. This tools include:

• Breathing exercises
  

• Mindfulness practices
  

• Grounding exercises

• Increased Awareness of Emotional Patterns: An experiential therapist can help you to become more aware of your recurring emotional patterns. When you have developed self awareness about these patterns, you can develop the necessary skills to make changes.

What Are Experiential Therapies?

The following are some of the experiential therapies that I use in my private practice:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy)

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• Somatic Experiencing

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Clinical Hypnosis (also known as Hypnotherapy)

• Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy)

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

Whether you want to work on developing emotional intelligence or overcoming unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an experiential psychotherapist.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

A skilled experiential therapist can help you to develop the skills and strategies you need.

Rather than struggling alone, seek help in experiential therapy so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (couples therapist), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Expanding Your Perspective About 1ntimacy

Many people think of sex as being exclusively penis-in-vagina (also known as P-in-V), but sex is so much more than P-in-V (see my article: Understanding Your Sex Script).

Expanding Your Perspective About Intimacy

P-in-V sex for heterosexual couples is one aspect of sex, but it's important to develop a broader perspective about sex, which is the purpose of this article.

Why Is It Important to Develop a Broader Perspective About Sex?

A broader perspective about sex includes:

• A Validation of Non-Penetrative Activities: Non-penetrative sex is also called "outercourse" to distinguish it from intercourse. There are many other non-penetrative sexual activities that are pleasurable. These activities are often referred to as "foreplay", but that word diminishes sexual activities that many people prefer. It's also a narrow heteronormative view of sex that invalidates what many people like (see my article: Changing Your Sex Script).

Expanding Your Perspective About Intimacy

• An Improvement in Sexual Satisfaction, Especially For Women: The majority of women don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Many of them require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm or for sex to even be pleasurable. Expanding the definition of sex to include other forms of sexual stimulation can lead to more fulfilling sexual experiences for women (see my article: To Improve Intimacy, Get Off the Sexual Staircase).

Expanding Your Perspective About Intimac

• LGBTQIA+ Experiences: Defining sex as P-in-V invalidates the experiences of gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, queer and asexual people. An expanded perspective of sex includes all consensual pleasurable activities between partners.

• A Non-Performative Perspective on Sex: Focusing exclusively on penetrative sex can create pressure, anxiety and stress. For instance, when sex is seen as solely penetrative, it can place a lot of pressure on men to maintain an erection, which can develop into an anxiety spiral that creates problems with erections. Broadening the definition of sex allows partners to focus on mutual pleasure rather than performance (see my article: What is Performative Sex?).

Expanding Your Perspective About Intimacy

• An Accommodation For Different Abilities and Preferences: For people who have different sexual abilities due to aging, physical pain or other conditions, non-performative sex can be a fulfilling alternative. It also offers other options for couples who might prefer other sexual activities than penetrative sex (see my article: 5 Common Myths About Sex in Long Term Relationships).

Expanding Your Perspective About Intimacy

• An Increase in Emotional Intimacy: Non-performative sex (or outercourse) can enhance emotional connection by emphasizing communication, exploration and intimacy without the pressure of performative sex (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Emotional and Sexual Intimacy).

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Many individual adults and couples would like to broaden their sexual activities, but they don't know where to start.

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy where a sex therapist focuses on sexual issues (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).

There are no physical exams, nudity or sex during sex therapy sessions. 

If you have been having sexual problems you haven't been able to resolve on your own, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional who is a sex therapist.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in sex therapy so you can have a more fulfilling sex life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT Couples Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Creating Rituals of Connection to Strengthen Your Relationship

Rituals of connection in relationships are small, intentional acts and routines that couples create to build intimacy, trust and emotional connection (see my article: The Power of Creating Personal Rituals).

Creating Rituals of Connection

What Are Rituals of Connection?

Rituals of connection might include:

• A morning kiss

• A good night kiss

• A kiss any time during the day just because you want to

Creating Rituals of Connection

• Meals together without screens or other distractions

• Date nights

• Massages

• Consistent bedtime routines

• Playing together

• Sharing meaningful memories

• Exercising together

• Daily walks together

• Meditating together

• Romantic texts throughout the day when you're apart

• Expressing appreciation for your partner on a regular basis

• Uninterrupted time each day when you're together with no distractions, including no phones or computers

• Reading poetry or inspirational prose to each other

• A shower or bubble bath together

• Weekend getaways

• Planning vacations together

• Developing your own traditions together

• Celebrating anniversaries and other meaningful occasions

• Creating plans for the future together

Why Are Rituals of Connection Important in Relationships?

Rituals of connection are important to:

• Express your love for one another

• Create a sense of connection

• Develop a sense of comfort and trust

Creating Rituals of Connection

• Create a shared sense of meaning

• Strengthen emotional and sexual intimacy

• Make romance a part of your daily life together

• Show appreciation for each other on a regular basis

• Improve communication
  

• Keep the spark alive
  

• Keep joy alive

How to Create Rituals of Connection For Your Relationship

There are many different ways you can create rituals of connection.

Here are some suggestions you can try:

• Set Aside Time to Talk to Your Partner
• Identity Shared Values and Interests: Talk about what you both enjoy so that the rituals are enjoyable for both of you

Creating Rituals of Connection

• Discuss What the Ritual Will Include: How will it begin and how will it end?

• Start Small: Choose one or two rituals to start and see how that goes for each of you

• Design Your Rituals

• Make Rituals As Simple or Elaborate As You Both Want: Rituals don't have to be a certain way. You can decide together what you want to include. When in doubt, keep it simple.

• Assess What Works: Assess your rituals after a few days or weeks to see what works for both of you and what you might want to change.

• Choose Activities that Build Connection: This can include:

• Daily rituals

• Weekly or monthly rituals

• Rituals that commemorate special occasions

• Be Consistent

• Be consistent so that you and your partner learn to expect these rituals on a regular basis

• Consistency builds regular habits

• Be Flexible

• While you strive to be consistent, be flexible as life circumstances change

• Be intentional but not rigid

• Be Open to New Ways to Strengthen Your Connection
• Be creative

• Be open-minded to new rituals

• Have fun

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT Therapist (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Are Unmet Expectations Ruining Your Relationship?

Every relationship comes with expectations. Some expectations are clear: Loyalty, honesty, respect and so on (see my article: Relationship Expectations: What is a Good Enough Relationship? No, It Doesn't Mean Settling).

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

But in many relationships there are silent expectations that neither partner communicates. Instead they assume the other partner knows and agrees to fulfill them.

These unspoken expectations, which often go unmet, can ruin a relationship (see my article: Do You Expect Your Partner to Be a Mind Reader?).

What Are Silent Expectations?

Silent expectations are unspoken beliefs, assumptions or standards about how one partner expects the other to behave. These silent expectations are often the basis for misunderstandings, disappointments and resentment when these unspoken expectations go unmet. 

How Do Silent Expectations Develop?

Silent expectations develop from family history, cultural norms and prior relationships regarding what love, relationships, respect and commitment should be. 

A partner can mistakenly assume that their partner shares their beliefs and assumptions--even though the expectations haven't been communicated.

Individuals who have silent expectations often feel their partner "should know" what is expected of them.  

Why Do People in Relationships Avoid Communicating Their Expectations?

People who avoid communicating their expectations often fear conflict so they don't want to risk confrontations by talking about their emotional needs. This fear is the underlying reason for their silence. 

How Can Silent Expectations Ruin Your Relationship?

Silent expectations can take their toll over time, so if you have unmet expectations you never expressed to your partner, it's important to understand how this situation developed:

• Poor Communication: Silent expectations often go unmet because one or both partners haven't communicated about their expectations.

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

• An Expectation that Your Partner "Should Know" What You Expect: You might assume your partner knows or should be able to read your mind. But, in reality, your partner might not know. It's not necessarily that your partner doesn't want to meet your needs. They're just unaware of these needs. This usually leads to hurt, anger and disappointment.

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

• Resentment Grows: Over time the resentment about unmet needs can fester and this can ruin a relationship (see my article: How to Deal With Resentment in Your Relationship).

• Emotional Distance Grows: If you have silent expectations that go unmet, you and your partner can become emotionally distant from one another. As a defense against disappointment, walls go up, which makes it even harder to communicate. Over time, you might feel unseen and unheard--even though you haven't communicated your needs. 

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

• A Focus on Who You Think Your Partner Should Be and Not Who They Really Are: If this situation persists over time, you can lose sight of who your partner really is because you're focused on what you think your partner should be and how your partner should behave.

• Increased Conflict: Unspoken expectations can lead to arguments and ongoing conflict.

• Stagnation: Unspoken expectations can lead to relationship stagnation as you disengage from one another.

How Can You Prevent Silent Expectations From Ruining Your Relationship?

The best way to prevent silent expectations from ruining your relationship is to be up front at the beginning of your relationship about what you want. 

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

But if you haven't communicated your needs from the start and you realize your resentment is starting to grow, there are steps you can take to keep unmet expectations from ruining your relationship:

• Learn to Develop Realistic Expectations: Take time to assess your expectations:
• Are your expectations realistic? 
• Are your expectations fair?
• Do your expectations need to be adjusted or changed?

• Learn to Communicate Clearly and Directly: Don't assume your partner already knows your expectations. Learn to communicate clearly. Instead of complaining, express your wishes explicitly in a positive and constructive way. For instance, instead of saying, "You never show affection towards me," say "I really love when you're affectionate with me" (see my article: Complaining Instead of Expressing Your Needs).

• Learn to Deal With Confrontations: If you're avoiding talking about your hopes and expectations because you fear confrontations, you're going to struggle with being in a relationship because confrontations are inevitable. This doesn't mean that confrontations have to be destructive. You and your partner can disagree and still be respectful (see my article: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict in Your Relationship).

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

• Learn to Make Adjustments: After you communicate with your partner, you might realize that you each have different expectations. For instance, if you expect your partner to know when you want to be comforted and when you need time to yourself, after you talk to your partner, you might discover that your partner doesn't know when to comfort you and when to give you space. More than likely this is because you don't communicate when you want to be consoled and when you need time to yourself because you expect your partner to know. But your partner isn't a mind reader, so you have to learn to communicate clearly.

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

• Learn to Compromise: Your partner might not be able to meet all your expectations. For instance, if you expect your partner to meet all your needs, this is an unrealistic expectation. No one person can meet all of your needs. So, it's important to have other people in your life that can also provide you with emotional support or can join in doing activities that your partner might not enjoy.

Unmet Expectations Can Ruin a Relationship

• Learn to Reassess Your Expectations Over Time: Sometimes expectations that were realistic at one point in your life become unrealistic later on, so you need to reassess.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

When resentment builds over time, it can be difficult for a couple to overcome these resentments on their own.

Get Help in Couples Therapy

A skilled couples therapist can help you to develop tools and strategies so you can overcome resentment and strengthen your relationship. 

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced couples therapist who can help you to develop a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.