How Does Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) Work?

In the past, I have described Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) in two prior articles:

What is Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy and How Does It Heal - Part 1

What is Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy and How Does It Heal - Part 2

How Does AEDP Work?

In the current article, I'm focusing on how AEDP works and going into more detail.

AEDP to Overcome Unresolved Trauma

AEDP is a therapeutic modality that focuses on helping clients to process and transform traumatic experiences in a safe and supportive environment (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective to Overcome Trauma Than Regular Talk Therapy).

Here are some of the basics about how AEDP works:

• Building a Secure Therapeutic Relationship: An essential part of AEDP is developing a strong, trusting bond between the client and the therapist. The therapist becomes a secure base for emotional exploration and healing by providing empathy, validation and emotional support so that the client feels safe enough to share vulnerable feelings.

AEDP to Overcome Unresolved Trauma

• Helping Clients to Identify, Connect With and Process Core Emotions: Rather than just talking about emotions in an intellectual way, AEDP focuses on experiencing and processing emotions in the here-and-now with the therapist. This involves becoming aware and processing suppressed emotions related to traumatic experiences. 

• Working Through Defensive Mechanisms That No Longer Work: Clients learn to recognize, understand and modify defense mechanisms that might have served them as part of their survival strategy earlier in life but no longer work for them now.

AEDP to Overcome Unresolved Trauma

• Accessing Transformational Affects: AEDP helps clients to access positive emotions, like joy, love and compassion, which can empower clients to heal unresolved trauma and make positive changes (see my article: How Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy).

• Metaprocessing: This involves reflecting on the therapeutic process including the client's emotional experiences in AEDP therapy, the therapist's interventions and the therapeutic alliance between the client and therapist. This helps clients to develop insight into their emotional patterns and how they apply them to other relationships.

What Experiential Techniques Does AEDP Use?

AEDP's experiential techniques include:

• Mind-Body Focused Techniques: An AEDP therapist helps the client to become aware of bodily sensations and how these sensations relate to their emotional experiences (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

• Guided Imagery and Visualization: An AEDP therapist helps clients to process emotions with guided imagery and visualization exercises.

• Role Playing and Other Interactive Exercises: The therapist helps clients to practice new emotional responses and behaviors in a safe therapeutic environment.

How Does AEDP Help Clients to Have Transformational Experiences?

• Developing Greater Emotional Awareness and Emotional Regulation: Clients learn to identify, manage and regulate their emotions more effectively.

• Strengthening a Sense of Self and Building Resilience: When clients process difficult  emotions related to trauma, they develop a greater sense of self acceptance and capacity to cope with challenges.

• Creating More Fulfilling Relationships: By addressing attachment wounds and developing healthier emotional patterns, clients can develop secure and more fulfilling relationships.

Conclusion

Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) is a dynamic and experiential approach which facilitates deep emotional healing by creating a safe therapeutic space for clients to explore, process and transform unresolved trauma and current emotional challenges.

Getting Help in AEDP Therapy

If you have been struggling on your own to overcome unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with an AEDP therapist.

Getting Help in AEDP Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in AEDP therapy so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Riding the Waves From Trauma to Transformation

What's the Difference Between "Bottom Up" and "Top Down" Approaches to Trauma Therapy?

Dating: How to Move Beyond Small Talk

A steady stream of small talk during the initial phase of dating can be boring and feel superficial (see my article: What to Talk About on a First Date).

Moving Beyond Small Talk on a Date

Small talk lacks depth and fails to create a meaningful connection when you're trying to get to know someone.

Aside from this, it can be disappointing when the conversation remains on this level because the interaction feels flat and uninspiring.

People who cannot communicate beyond small talk will often find it difficult to transition to build momentum and excitement in the conversation. 

Suggestions on How to Move Beyond Small Talk

• Express Curiosity: Show you're interested in what your date is saying by showing your curiosity.  Ask open-ended questions. If there's something your date says that you don't understand, ask clarifying questions. If you can share a similar experience, you can show you relate to what they're talking about.

Moving Beyond Small Talk on a Date

• Share Personal Insights and Experiences: Open up and share a little bit about yourself. This can be a personal interest of yours, a small personal challenge or a recent experience.

Moving Beyond Small Talk on a Date

• Try to Find Common Ground: Talk about your interests and hobbies to see if you can find common ground with your date. This will provide you with an opportunity to explore your mutual interests together and deepen your connection.

Moving Beyond Small Talk on a Date

• Practice Active Listening: Pay attention to what your date is communicating both verbally and nonverbally. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions and allow your date to finish what they're saying.

If you're able to follow these tips, you can move beyond small talk and develop a genuine connection.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and a Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Floodlighting: How to Stop Oversharing During the Initial Stage of Dating

Why Do Some People Prefer to Text Instead of Meeting in Person?

Dating Again in Your 40s, 50s, 60s and Beyond

Are You Dating or in a Relationship?

Why Do People Leave Relationships By Ghosting?

Why Medication Alone Can't Solve Most Psychological Problems

Many people who are taking medication ask why medication alone isn't solving their psychological problems (see my article: Medication Alone Isn't As Effective as Psychotherapy).

Medication Alone Can't Solve Most Psychological Problems

Why Can't Medication Solve Most Psychological Problems?

There are times when medication might be necessary and helpful to deal with the symptoms of a psychological problem. However, when medication is needed, a better approach to consider is combining medication with psychotherapy.

Here's why:

• Medication Targets Symptoms, But It Can't Get to the Root Cause of Your Problem: Whereas psychotherapy can get to the root cause of your problem, medication  alone can help to alleviate symptoms while you're on the medication. Medication doesn't address the underlying causes of your problem. For instance, if you choose to take medication for anxiety or depression, your symptoms might improve, but it doesn't address the underlying psychological and emotional factors involved so problem isn't resolved. 

Medication Alone Can't Solve Most Psychological Problems

• Medication Doesn't Teach You Tools, Strategies or Coping Skills: Medication might reduce your symptoms, but it doesn't help you to change negative thoughts or to improve emotional regulation. It doesn't help you to develop the necessary coping skills and internal resources. It also doesn't help you to work through unresolved trauma. Psychotherapy can help you with these issues and more (see my article: Developing Internal Resources and Coping Skills).

• Medication Doesn't Provide Provide Psychological Interventions: Psychological issues require psychological interventions. For instance, unlike psychotherapy, medication alone doesn't address the following issues or a variety other psychological problems:

• Grief

• Poor communication skills

• Dysfunctional relationship patterns

• Unresolved trauma

• Medication Doesn't Help You to Develop Internal Resources: Psychotherapy can help you to develop the necessary internal resources and coping skills related to your problem. In many cases, when you have developed these internal resources, it's possible you won't be as reliant on medication or you might not need it (always consult with your psychiatrist before you reduce or stop your medication). Medication is usually for symptom reduction. While medication can reduce symptoms, psychotherapy can help you to develop the following skills and internal resources and more:

• Develop self reflective capacity

• Develop a personal growth mindset

• Develop personal resilience

Conclusion

Medication can be a tool for managing symptoms and creating stability, but psychotherapy addresses the underlying issues at the root of your problem, helps you to develop coping skills and promotes positive change.

For many psychological issues, the combination of psychotherapy and medication can be effective. 

Always consult with a mental health professional who has the necessary expertise about this.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling with unresolved problems, you could benefit from working with a skilled psychotherapist who can help you to develop the tools and strategies to overcome your problem.

Getting Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has the expertise to help you to lead a more meaningful life.

Note: Never reduce or stop medication without consulting with your psychiatrist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I am also work with individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Why Searching For the "Perfect" Partner Will Disappoint You

Over the years I've had many clients focused on trying to find the "perfect" partner who end up feeling disappointed and discouraged (see my article: Dating For a Lasting Relationship: The Spark vs the Slow Burn).

The "Perfect" Partner Doesn't Exist

I've also worked with clients already in fulfilling relationships who believe they might be able to find someone else who might be even "better" in the long run. 

Their attitude is, "Sure I'm in a fulfilling relationship, but I wonder if I might be able to find someone who I would be even happier with."

Why Does Searching For the "Perfect"Partner Leave You Feeling Disappointed?

There is no such thing as the "perfect" partner and if you think in those terms, you could become chronically dissatisfied with any relationship (see my article: Relationships: The Ideal vs the Real).

Instead of focusing on perfection, which doesn't exist, focus on knowing yourself, the qualities you want in a partner and the deal breakers you can't live with instead of superficialities:

• Know Yourself: Start with self awareness and reflection: What are your values? What would be fulfilling to you? What are your needs and wants? (see my article: What is Self Reflective Capacity and Why Is It Important to You?).

Know Yourself

• Be Open and Honest With Yourself: Be aware of your standards and be open, honest and flexible without compromising what is truly important to you.

• Prioritize Character Over Personality: Looking beyond superficialities, character is more important than personality in the long run. Consider the ethical principles and values that guide a potential partner's behavior. Is it consistent with your principles and values? (see my article: The Problem With Falling In Love With Charisma Instead of Character).

Choose Character Over Personality

• Take Your Time to Get to Know a Potential Partner: One of the biggest mistakes people make when they are considering someone as a potential partner is that they rush into a relationship too quickly. They don't take the time and then, after they have defined themselves as exclusive, they discover either they're not compatible or the person they chose isn't who they thought they were. Some people do this over and over until they feel discouraged about relationships in general (see my article: How to Stop Rushing Into a Relationship Too Quickly).

Take Your Time

• Embrace Imperfections: This includes a potential partner's imperfections as well as your own (see my article: Overcoming Perfectionism).

Embrace Imperfections

• Consider the Long Term: Will you and your potential partner be compatible in the long term? Will you encourage each other's personal growth? (see my articles: Why Looking for a Soulmate Will Disappoint You and Developing a Growth Mindset).

Get Help in Therapy

If you have been unable to work through unresolved problems on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to develop the skills and tools you need.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced therapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Why is Self Acceptance the Foundation of Self Confidence?

In the past, I've written articles about self acceptance, including Self Acceptance and Compassion.

In the current article I'm focusing on self acceptance as the foundation of self confidence.

What is Self Acceptance?

Self acceptance involves accepting all aspects of yourself--whether you consider these aspects to be positive or not.

Self Acceptance is the Foundation of Self Confidence

Self acceptance involves accepting your strengths as well as accepting aspects about yourself you might want to change. 

In other words, even while you're working towards making changes, you embrace all of who you are right now.

Why is Self Acceptance the Foundation of Self Confidence?

If you're working on developing increased self confidence, starting with self acceptance is essential to your development.

When you accept yourself as you are right now, you validate yourself internally rather than relying on external validation (see my article: What is Self Validation?).

Self Acceptance is the Foundation of Self Confidence

Even when you're working on making changes, you tell yourself, "I'm good enough as I am" because you're secure within yourself.

When you accept yourself as you are right now, you're more likely to bouncing back from disappointments or setbacks.

Self acceptance allows you to have compassion for yourself as you would have for loved ones in your life.

Self acceptances allows you to be your true self rather than pretending or wanting to be someone else. 

Self acceptance also reduces the likelihood you will compare yourself unfavorable to others. 

Comparison and judgment are the thieves of joy so it's important to stop comparing yourself unfavorably to others including on social media.

Self acceptance allows you to step outside your comfort zone to take healthy risks which can build self confidence.

What is the Difference Between Self Acceptance and Complacency?

Many people worry that if they accept themselves as they are, they will become complacent, but self acceptance and complacency are two different things.

Self acceptance is acknowledging yourself as you are right now and complacency is being satisfied with how things are to the point of stagnation.

Self Acceptance is the Foundation of Self Confidence

While self acceptance is a starting point to any change you want to make, complacency is often leads to a lack of motivation to change.

The important factor is your intent: Are you accepting yourself as you are right now as a starting point or are you accepting yourself as a reason to stagnate?

Self acceptance allows you to take action to make positive changes. 

In contrast, complacency often leads to inaction.

Self Confidence as a Learnable Skill

Self confidence is considered a learnable skill.

Self confidence is influenced by how you think and how you behave.

Self Confidence is a Learnable Skill

You can develop self confidence by changing the critical messages you're giving yourself.

You can also develop self confidence by giving yourself manageable challenges like taking a public speaking course, a storytelling workshop or taking improv classes.

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people lack self confidence due to unresolved trauma that keeps them mired in shame (see my article: How Unresolved Trauma Can Affect Your Ability to Feel Self Compassion).

Getting Help in Therapy

Getting help in trauma therapy can free you from your traumatic history so you can learn self acceptance and develop self confidence.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and a Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped individual adults and couples in therapy for over 20 years (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Relationship Choices: What is a "Good Bad Boy"?

Men are often confused about what women want from them and so are some women.

The "Good Bad Boy"

Many men believe women prefer men with "bad boy" traits, but in reality the picture is more complex.

Characteristics Usually Associated With So-Called "Nice Guys" and "Bad Boys"

The concepts of "nice guys" and "bad boys" are stereotypes.

There isn't anyone who is either all good or all bad, but these are common stereotypes. 

In reality, people are more complex, but these stereotypes persist in the dating and relationship world.

Once again, keep in mind that these are stereotypes or archetypes and each person is an individual.

Traits of So-Called "Nice Guys"

Good Traits:

• Kind
• Considerate
• Empathetic and emotionally attuned
• Reliable
• Good listener

    Negative Traits:

• Overly passive
• Lack of assertiveness and lack of boundaries
• Lacking self confidence
• Passive aggressive
• Emotionally suppressed or masking
• Potentially resentful if their feelings aren't reciprocated by a romantic interest

Traits of So-Called "Bad Boys"

Good Traits

• Project a sense of confidence and independence (although not always genuine)
• Excitement and adventure
• Rebellious nature
• Charismatic
  
• Authentic (in terms of not trying to people please)
• Assertive
• Passionate

Negative Traits

• Impulsive
• Unstable emotionally or financially
• Narcissistic
  
• Emotionally unavailable
• Manipulative
  
• Dishonest
• Womanizing
  
• Irresponsible
• Selfish and entitled (see my article: The Dark Triad Personality)
• Unhealthy communication including criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling (see my article: Avoiding the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse)

What is the Appeal of the "Nice Guy"?

The appeal of the "nice guy" for many women is that he has many of traits that women want in a man for a relationship.  He is believed to be someone who will be emotionally supportive and dependable. He is someone a woman can count on through thick and thin.  

The "Good Bad Boy"

However, some women who believe in this stereotype think the "nice guy" lacks confidence  in himself and he isn't assertive. 

In addition, if a man is overly compliant to gain approval and validation, this is often described as "The Nice Guy Syndrome" because their sense of self worth is tied to how others perceive them. There is a lack of authenticity that many women can sense which turns them off.

If a man is trying too hard to be "nice", he can come across as dull.

What is the Appeal of the "Bad Boy"?

Many women are attracted to "bad boys" for hookups because they seem fun and exciting--at least at first. 

He is often attractive and women like that he is passionate, unpredictable and an individual who doesn't try to follow traditional norms (see my article: What Makes So-Called  "Bad Boys" Appealing to Many Women?).

But if a man is trying too hard to be a "bad boy" because he thinks this is how he "should be", he will come across as lacking authenticity.

If a woman gets into a relationship with a "bad boy" traits, she will often discover these traits which make it difficult to maintain a stable relationship. And, worse still, if she thinks she can change him, she will probably be disappointed.

The "Good Bad Boy" Combines the Best Traits of the "Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy"

As previously mentioned, the "Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy" are stereotypes so they don't usually exist as pure types, but someone might have a particular tendency towards one or the other so that this could be a "red flag" for dating or a committed relationship.

Combining the best traits of the "Nice Guy" and "Bad Boy" would include edginess, some mystery and passion with a strong moral compass, a capacity for good, hidden heroism and "a heart of gold".

These men, who have the best of both traits, are often referred to as "Good Bad Boys".

Movie characters who have "Good Bad Boy" traits include:

• Bruce Wayne (Batman)
• James Bond (Agent 007)
• Hans Solo (Star Wars)
• Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries)
• Lestat de Lioncourt (Interview With the Vampire)
• Jim Stark (Rebel Without a Cause)
• Luke Jackson (Cool Hand Luke)
• Rick Blaine (Rick in Casablanca)

An Example of the "Good Bad Boy" 

As an example, Rick of Casablanca initially comes across as aloof, cynical and self centered. Seemily, he doesn't want to get involved in other people's problems in Casablanca.

But he also shows himself to be a kind hero (or a "good bad boy") when he helps a couple by sacrificing his own happiness for the greater good.

Relationship Choices

Each woman makes her own choice as to what type of man she wants to be with in a casual or committed relationship (see my article: Making Healthy Choices in Relationships).

Sometimes a woman makes an unconscious choice and she only realizes later after she gets to know the man and she understands the dynamics between them.

This is why it's important for everyone choosing a mate to be aware of their choices (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Trauma-Related Masking?

Masking is a trauma-related response where individuals hide their true personality, feelings or behavior and mimic others as a maladaptive coping strategy to present a false self.

Trauma-Related Masking

One of the problems with masking, which is also known as social camouflage, is that it creates a disconnect from an individual's true self or genuine self. 

Another problem is that it doesn't allow for genuine connections with others.

Why Causes Trauma Masking?

Childhood trauma can create deeply rooted feelings of:

• Fear
• Shame
  
• Guilt
• A sense of being unworthy or being unlovable

Masking these and other feelings temporarily helps individuals to deal with social situations where they feel too much stress and anxiety to be themselves. 

What Does Masking Look Like?

Masking can include some or all of the following:

• Suppressing feelings
• Hiding aspects of one's personality
• Trying to mimic other people to act in a way that they think is acceptable to others

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how an individual with a traumatic history uses masking and how trauma therapy can help.

Jane

When Jane left her parents' home to go to college, she felt anxious about meeting new people in college.

Throughout elementary school, middle school and junior high school, Jane only had one or two friends who made an effort to befriend her. She never invited any of these friends home because her father was usually drunk and her mother was depressed so Jane felt too ashamed to allow anyone into her home.

When she met her roommates at college, Jane felt too self conscious to allow her guard down so she tried to imitate their way of speaking and behaving because she believed this is what she had to do to be accepted.

Trauma-Related Masking

Then, one day one of the roommates, Rita, told Jane she realized that Jane was uncomfortable. She told Jane she wanted to have a genuine friendship with her, but she felt Jane wasn't being herself and she encouraged her to be herself.

At first, Jane pretended she didn't know what Rita was talking about. But a couple of weeks later, Jane confided in Rita that she had been pretending and she felt disconnected from herself for so long that she wasn't even sure who she was anymore. 

Soon after that Jane decided to see one of the counselors in the student counseling unit and the counselor was able to help Jane to cope with her anxiety and shame.  She also helped Jane to get help from a trauma therapist off campus.

The trauma therapist got a detailed family history from Jane and asked her about her goals for therapy. Jane told her that she was tired of trying to hide who she was and she wanted to learn to feel comfortable with herself.

Her therapist explained the concept of masking and this explanation resonated with Jane.  She realized she had been pretending to be someone else her whole life because she was afraid people wouldn't like her. 

Her therapist worked with Jane by helping her to feel emotionally safe in therapy and they didn't start to process Jane's traumatic history until Jane felt prepared to do the work (see my article: Why Establishing Emotional Safety is Essential in Trauma Therapy).

When Jane was ready, she and her therapist used EMDR Therapy and Somatic Experiencing to help Jane to process her traumatic history.

The work wasn't quick or easy but, over time, Jane began to feel like herself. She no longer felt the need to pretend to be someone else. She gradually let her guard down and she realized that people liked her for who she really was and not who she was pretending to be. 

Even more important, Jane accepted herself for who she really was and she felt good about it.

How to Overcome Trauma-Related Masking

• Self Awareness: Self awareness is the first step to overcoming trauma-related masking (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness?).

Overcoming Trauma-Related Masking

• Self Compassion and Self Acceptance: Self compassion can be challenging due to shame, fear and guilt, but it's a necessary step on the way to healing trauma (see my article: Acceptance and Self Compassion).

• Trauma Therapy: Trauma-related masking is difficult to overcome on your own, so getting help in trauma therapy is an important part of healing.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Hiding behind a mask can be emotionally exhausting and lonely.

As mentioned earlier, you're not just emotionally disconnected from others, you become emotionally disconnected from yourself.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to work through unresolved trauma so you no longer feel the need to mask your true self.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional to free yourself from your traumatic history and live a meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.