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Masking is a trauma-related response where individuals hide their true personality, feelings or behavior and mimic others as a maladaptive coping strategy to present a false self.
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| Trauma-Related Masking |
One of the problems with masking, which is also known as social camouflage, is that it creates a disconnect from an individual's true self or genuine self.
Another problem is that it doesn't allow for genuine connections with others.
Why Causes Trauma Masking?
Childhood trauma can create deeply rooted feelings of:
Masking these and other feelings temporarily helps individuals to deal with social situations where they feel too much stress and anxiety to be themselves.
What Does Masking Look Like?
Masking can include some or all of the following:
- Suppressing feelings
- Hiding aspects of one's personality
- Trying to mimic other people to act in a way that they think is acceptable to others
Clinical Vignette
The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how an individual with a traumatic history uses masking and how trauma therapy can help.
Jane
When Jane left her parents' home to go to college, she felt anxious about meeting new people in college.
Throughout elementary school, middle school and junior high school, Jane only had one or two friends who made an effort to befriend her. She never invited any of these friends home because her father was usually drunk and her mother was depressed so Jane felt too ashamed to allow anyone into her home.
When she met her roommates at college, Jane felt too self conscious to allow her guard down so she tried to imitate their way of speaking and behaving because she believed this is what she had to do to be accepted.
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| Trauma-Related Masking |
Then, one day one of the roommates, Rita, told Jane she realized that Jane was uncomfortable. She told Jane she wanted to have a genuine friendship with her, but she felt Jane wasn't being herself and she encouraged her to be herself.
At first, Jane pretended she didn't know what Rita was talking about. But a couple of weeks later, Jane confided in Rita that she had been pretending and she felt disconnected from herself for so long that she wasn't even sure who she was anymore.
Soon after that Jane decided to see one of the counselors in the student counseling unit and the counselor was able to help Jane to cope with her anxiety and shame. She also helped Jane to get help from a trauma therapist off campus.
The trauma therapist got a detailed family history from Jane and asked her about her goals for therapy. Jane told her that she was tired of trying to hide who she was and she wanted to learn to feel comfortable with herself.
Her therapist explained the concept of masking and this explanation resonated with Jane. She realized she had been pretending to be someone else her whole life because she was afraid people wouldn't like her.
Her therapist worked with Jane by helping her to feel emotionally safe in therapy and they didn't start to process Jane's traumatic history until Jane felt prepared to do the work (see my article: Why Establishing Emotional Safety is Essential in Trauma Therapy).
When Jane was ready, she and her therapist used EMDR Therapy and Somatic Experiencing to help Jane to process her traumatic history.
The work wasn't quick or easy but, over time, Jane began to feel like herself. She no longer felt the need to pretend to be someone else. She gradually let her guard down and she realized that people liked her for who she really was and not who she was pretending to be.
Even more important, Jane accepted herself for who she really was and she felt good about it.
How to Overcome Trauma-Related Masking
- Self Awareness: Self awareness is the first step to overcoming trauma-related masking (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness?).
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| Overcoming Trauma-Related Masking |
- Self Compassion and Self Acceptance: Self compassion can be challenging due to shame, fear and guilt, but it's a necessary step on the way to healing trauma (see my article: Acceptance and Self Compassion).
- Trauma Therapy: Trauma-related masking is difficult to overcome on your own, so getting help in trauma therapy is an important part of healing.
Getting Help in Trauma Therapy
Hiding behind a mask can be emotionally exhausting and lonely.
As mentioned earlier, you're not just emotionally disconnected from others, you become emotionally disconnected from yourself.
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| Getting Help in Trauma Therapy |
A skilled trauma therapist can help you to work through unresolved trauma so you no longer feel the need to mask your true self.
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional to free yourself from your traumatic history and live a meaningful life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.
I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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