11 Ways to Become a More Creative Person

In my article, The Joy of Becoming More Playful As An Adult, I discussed how playing can help you to be a more creative person.  In this article, I'm focusing on creativity and things you can do to inspire your creativity.

Become a More Creative Person

Things You Can Do to Inspire Your Creativity

• Tap Into Your Unconscious Mind Using Stream of Consciousness Writing: In her book, The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron writes about doing stream of consciousness writing when you wake up in the morning.  She calls it the Morning Pages.  This process also goes by other names, including free associative writing.  With any type of free associative writing you're allowing yourself to just write down whatever comes to mind. You're not editing it or assessing it. You're just allowing your thoughts to flow. This will eventually tap into your unconscious mind so you can access your creativity. 

• Welcome Boredom: People usually try to avoid being bored by filling up their time with all kinds of activity, including spending time scrolling through social media.  But instead of trying to avoid boredom, embrace it.  People often get their best ideas when they're bored (see my article: How Boredom Can Lead to Greater Creativity).

• Use Your Dreams: Dreams can be a great source of creativity. You can give yourself a  suggestion just before going to sleep that you want creative ideas for a project you're working on. This is called dream incubation (see my articles: Dream Incubation - Planting Seeds, Embodied Imagination and Dreamwork and Working With Dreams to Develop Your Creative Imagination).

Use Your Dream to Develop Your Creativity

• Develop Your Intuition: There are lots of ways to develop your intuition. Many people use vivid picture cards, like Tarot cards that appeal to them or cards called Inner Active cards to stimulate their intuition which also enhances creativity (see my article: Tapping into Your Creative and Intuitive Power).

• Spend Time in Nature: Even just a few minutes of walking in nature can help you to relax and open up to new ideas.

• Get Physical: Exercising helps to increase blood flow and oxygen to the brain. It also helps to get you out of a linear mode of thinking so you can tap into your creativity.

• Keep a List of Ideas: Whenever you hear an interesting or intriguing idea, write it down.  When you get into the habit of keeping a list of ideas, you give your mind the signal that you're open to new ideas so they can begin to flow.

• Watch an Inspiring TED Talk: TED talk speakers are usually inspiring and can motivate you to open yourself to new ideas.

Become a More Creative Person: Watch an Inspiring TED Talk

• Do Something New: Try something new--whether it's going to a new place, learning about a new culture, learning a new language, taking an acting class, telling your five minute story at a storytelling show, like The Moth, or whatever seems fun and inspiring to you (see my article: The Power of Storytelling and Being Open to New Experiences).

• Look at Your World With New Eyes: Instead of seeing your surroundings in the way you always see them, look at your world with new eyes. This could mean you walk around your neighborhood and look for things you never noticed before--a decoration on a building, a flower in your neighbor's garden you've never noticed before, an unusual looking tree, a bird's nest and so on (see my article: Seeing Small Wonders All Around Us If We Just Take the Time to Notice).

• Practice Mindfulness Meditation: Research studies have revealed many benefits to doing mindfulness meditation, including developing a more flexible way of thinking. When you can think more flexibly, you can be more creative (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation).

Conclusion

There are many ways to tap into your creativity. It's a matter of finding what works for you.  

Sometimes people feel creatively blocked and they need to find ways to reclaim their creativity).  

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're unable to get out of a creative rut on your own, you can seek help in therapy from a therapist who does Experiential Therapy, which uses the mind-body connection to help clients to get creatively unblocked.

Getting Help in Therapy

Working with a skilled experiential therapist can help you overcome blocks that are hindering your progress (see my article: Overcoming Creative Blocks).

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Using Your Imagination: How Imaginal Interweaves Help to Overcome Trauma - Part 1

I realize that during times of crisis, like the current pandemic or the 9/11 World Trade Center attack, there are certain songs that repeat in my mind (see my article: Remembering Your Strengths as a Way to Cope in a Crisis).

Trauma and the Imagination

One of those songs is "Imagine" by former Beatle, John Lennon, which was released in 1971 during the Vietnam war as part of the peace movement (see lyrics).

Almost 50 years later, "Imagine" continues to be an inspiring symbol of the pursuit of peace and a symbol of hope.

Whenever I have a song that repeats in my mind, I get curious about why I'm thinking about this particular song and what my unconscious mind is trying to tell me (see my article: Undoing Aloneness: The Client's and Therapist's Parallel Experience During a Crisis).

So, as I thought and I realized that during times of uncertainty imagination plays such a powerful role in both a positive and negative way, and "Imagine" is call for us to use our imagination to create a better world in terms of how we think and behave (see my article: Using Imagery as a Powerful Tool).

Uncertainty and Negative Imagination

The current discussions about "the new normal" are reminiscent of 9/11 and the loss of innocence, among other things, that we experienced after our country was attacked.

There's something jarring about the words "the new normal" at this point in time when people are still grappling with their fear, anxiety, grief for the losses, and social deprivation (see my article: Grieving Losses and Healing During a Crisis).

Coping with uncertainty often leads to negative imagination where people can only imagine the worst case scenario. And, when we understand that the brain is hardwired to anticipate danger in order to stay alive, it's easy to see why negative imagination can be so important as well as overwhelming.

So, let's not underestimate the value of being vigilant and negative imagination in anticipating danger.  If early cavemen and cavewomen weren't vigilant about danger, they might just as easily walk into the cave with the bear, instead of their home cave, with disastrous results.

So, anticipating danger is important and so is accepting your negative emotions.  But when negative imagination goes into overdrive, people often lose their perspective and the ability to anticipate anything that is good and positive.

Balancing Overwhelming Negativity By Using Positive Imagination to Cope: Imaginal Interweaves

Your creative imagination is powerful--regardless of whether you dwell on positive or negative scenarios (see my article: Empowering Yourself During the COVID-19 Crisis).

Let me be clear that I'm not advocating being positive all the time and ignoring what's negative.  That would be impractical, at best, and dangerous at worst.  Be prepared, cautious and follow the health experts recommendations are necessary for staying healthy (see my article: All Emotions Are Welcome Here).

Rather than being impractical or Pollyannish, I'm encouraging you to use positive imagination as a coping strategy to counteract many of the negative scenarios that might be going through your mind.

In Dr. Laurel Parnell's Attachment Focused model of EMDR therapy, which is a trauma therapy, she uses "imaginal interweaves" as a way of helping clients to develop the necessary internal resources to cope with working on the trauma (see my article: Empowering Clients in Therapy).

Using imaginal interweaves is a way of "interweaving" positive, powerful, nurturing, and wise figures into the therapeutic work.

An imaginal interweave can be imagining people you know in real life or characters from a movie, book, TV program (or iconic figures that you might know about but don't know personally) to imagine drawing upon the qualities that they have.

In Laurel Parnell's model, imaginal interweaves are people who have one or all of the following qualities:

• Powerful
• Nurturing
• Wise

• Examples of Imaginal Interweaves:
• Powerful: Your favorite superhero, a person you know and admire who overcame adversity, a character from a movie like Atticus Finch from "To Kill a Mockingbird" or whoever feel powerful to you ("powerful" is whatever it means to you).
• Nurturing: A close friend, a loved one, a mentor, a coach, a favorite aunt, or a character from a TV program
• Wise: Your favorite teacher or mentor, a wise uncle, a friend, a spiritual leader, Dumbledore from Harry Potter

As I discussed in an earlier article about imaginal interweaves, most of the time, interweaves are used in trauma therapy when clients get stuck while processing a traumatic memory.

But imaginal interweaves can also be used whenever you feel you need to empower yourself, including the current pandemic crisis.

• Imaginal interweaves help to: 
• integrate memory networks
• differentiate memory networks
• provide a creative and coherent narrative
• create a broader perspective
• provide a counterbalance to negative imagination

In My Next Article:

Using positive imagination to cope is a big topic, and one blog article isn't enough to cover it sufficiently, so I'll continue this discussion in my next article (see Part 2 of this topic).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, you're not alone.  

Fear, anxiety and grief are all common reactions to the current crisis.

Many therapists, including me, are using online therapy (also known as teletherapy, telemental health and telehealth) to help clients during the current crisis when clients cannot be seen in person (see my article: The Advantages of Online Therapy).

Rather than struggling on your own, getting help from a licensed psychotherapist can make all the difference between feeling overwhelmed and having a sense of well-being (see my article: The Importance of Getting Emotional Support During a Crisis).

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing therapist and Sex Therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I am currently providing online therapy while I'm out of the office.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Empowering Yourself When You Feel Disempowered

Life presents many challenges that can lead to your feeling discouraged and disempowered.  Often, the key to feeling empowered is to take action, even if it's a small step, because, as the saying goes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" (see my article: What's Holding You Back From Achieving Your Goals?).

Empowering Yourself When You Feel Disempowered

When you feel disempowered, you might feel that whatever step you take will be inconsequential compared to the larger goal.  It's easy to talk yourself out of taking action if you try to imagine what your steps should be from beginning to end.

This can leave you feeling discouraged and stuck.  But it's important to remember that, along the way, life will present opportunities that you can't know about right now.

That's why it's so important to maintain a sense of hope, which will help you to get from one step to another and help you to feel empowered enough to maintain your course.

Helpful Tips:

• Take Action: The action doesn't have to be big.  You can start by writing down your goal and then defining what steps you need to take to get there.  Then, break down those steps into smaller, more manageable steps and take some step every week to get closer to your goal.  You can also start by talking to someone who has already accomplished what you want to do.  Ask questions about what worked and what didn't work.  Talk to supportive friends and family members who will encourage you.

• Appreciate the Journey:  Often, people who have worked on long term goals, have remarked that the journey to accomplishing their goals turned out to be more valuable than the end goal.  Along the way, they met interesting people and learned new things.  The journey itself helped to them to broaden and grow (see my article: Being Open to New Experiences).

• Keep Things in Perspective: Although things might seem bleak at the moment, change your focus to the long view.  Rather than telling yourself all the reasons why you can't accomplish what you want, imagine yourself in a few years time and what it would feel like once you have accomplished your goals (see my article: Experiencing Happiness as Part of Your Future Self).  Hold onto that good feeling and sense of accomplishment to get you through.  Most things that are worth accomplishing take a while to accomplish.  Also, remember other times when you have felt discouraged and things worked out for you (see my article: Staying Positive and Focused on Your Goals). 

• Spend Time With Others Who Are Positive and Working Towards Their Goals:  Naysayers can give you many reasons why you can't accomplish what you want.  They will reinforce your own self doubts.  But people who are persevering in their goals, even when there are challenges, are inspiring to be around and can help to motivate you to work on your goals even during challenging times (see my article: Finding Inspiration and Motivation to Accomplish Your Goals).

• Cultivate a Mentor in Your Life:  Having the support of a mentor can make all the difference in terms of your accomplishing your goals, especially when you feel discouraged.  A mentor can see qualities in you that you might not see or appreciate.  

• Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Other People:  Being around positive people, who are persevering in their goals, despite obstacles, is inspiring.  But some people, who don't feel good about themselves, compare themselves unfavorably to these people.  Remember:  It's not a competition.  When you find yourself comparing yourself unfavorable to others, notice it, recognize it as self defeating and switch your attention back to yourself (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

• Don't Get Discouraged If You Stumble:  Thomas Edison had to work out almost 3,000 theories about electric light and only two of his experiments worked.  He said, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up" (see my articles: When Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck and Overcoming Your Fear of Making Mistakes).

• Acknowledge Yourself For Each Step Towards Your Goal:  Some people don't feel that they deserve any recognition as they take steps towards their goal.  But this can be discouraging, especially if it's a goal that will take years.  So, it's important to give yourself credit for each step that brings you closer to your goal.  Celebrate each milestone (see my article: Achieving Your Goals: Learn to Celebrate Small Successes Along the Way to Your Final Goal).

Getting Help in Therapy:
People who have experienced emotional trauma, especially early childhood trauma, or who suffer from depression or anxiety can find it too overwhelming to empower themselves, so the tips outlined above might not be helpful.

Empowering Yourself: Getting Help in Therapy

These tips might even have the effect of making them feel ashamed that they can't use these tips to overcome their obstacles.

If you're struggling and feeling disempowered and stuck, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed psychotherapist who can help you to develop the capacity to overcome your history and to take positive steps for the future (see my article: Therapists Who Empower Clients in Therapy).

Everyone needs help at some point in his or her life.  Sometimes, you need a specialist who has skills that your friends and family don't have to help you overcome your problems (see my article: Learning to Feel Hopeful in Therapy: Developing a Stronger Sense of Self).

Rather than struggling on your own, get help to overcome your personal history so you can accomplish your goals and lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Psychotherapy Blog: An Inspiring and Uplifting Film: "Nicky's Family"

I recently watched the movie, Nicky's Family, for the second time within the last year, and I enjoyed it even more the second time than the first.

Czechoslovakia:  The Country Where Over 660 Children Were Saved by Nicholas Winton

In case you haven't seen this wonderful documentary yet, I highly recommend that you see it (it's now available on Netflix and Amazon), especially if  you like inspiring and uplifting movies.

"Nicky's Family" is a documentary by Natej Minac about Nicholas Winton, currently 104 years old, who saved the lives of over 660 Jewish children in Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia by arranging to transport them from their country to loving homes in England.

This was an immense undertaking during that time, before there were computers and before the Internet.

He met with the parents, who made the tremendous sacrifice of giving up their children, realizing that, in all likelihood, they would never see them again.  But these parents also knew that allowing Nicholas Winton to find their children new homes in England was the only way that their children would survive.

It's hard to imagine how devastatingly painful it must have been for the parents of these children to let them go--to say nothing of how frightening it had to be for these children to be transported by train to a country completely unknown to them.

These children, who now have grandchildren, would have certainly been killed in Nazi concentration camps during World War II if it were not for the dedicated work of Nicholas Winton, who worked against formidable odds to save their lives.

After the war, Mr. Winton (now Sir Winton) modestly kept quiet about his work--until his wife discovered the book that he kept with all of the names, pictures and records of the British adoptions for these children.

In 1988, he was honored on the BBC show, "That's Life," where he got to meet the people that he saved in the audience.  This is one of many poignant moments in the film.  And his modesty, so emblematic of people in the 1940s, is deeply moving and refreshing.

The documentary is narrated by Canadian journalist, Joe Schlesinger, who was also one of the children that was saved by Nicholas Winton.

A Child Today in the Czech Republic

Not only do we hear the personal stories of their lives from these individuals who were saved, we also get to meet their children and grandchildren, many of whom, inspired by Winton, have gone on to do their own devoted work for children all around the world.

We hear the word "hero" a lot these days.  Nicholas Winton is a hero in every sense of the word and deserves the recognition that he is finally getting after so many years.

This is a heart-warming true story that will lift your spirits.

About Me
I am a NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Expanding Your Horizons While Traveling

In a prior article, Learning About Yourself While Traveling, I wrote that traveling can reveal how you react to new people, situations, and foreign customs when you travel.   It can also reveal how you deal with travel-related stressors.  

I talked about my own experiences while traveling in Costa Rica.  In this article about expanding your horizons while traveling, I'll discuss some of the other advantages of traveling, especially traveling abroad.

Expanding Your Horizons While Traveling

Getting Out of a Rut
The day-to-day routine can make life seem boring and uninspiring.

Traveling to another country gets you out of your daily routine and can put you into new and potentially exciting places.  When you get out of a rut, you're more likely to come up with new ways of looking at your life as well as life around you.  It can make you more creative.

Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone
Staying in your comfort zone can make you feel safe, but it can also keep you stagnant (see my article: Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone).  When you travel, it's an opportunity to break out of your comfort zone and expose yourself to new and exciting ideas.

Expanding Your Horizons While Traveling:  Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone

Building Confidence and Enhancing Your Ability to Deal With Challenges
Travel often comes with its challenges, including making travel arrangements for unfamiliar places, navigating new territories, communicating in foreign languages, coping with delays, and so on.  When you're able to  successfully overcome these challenges, it helps to build confidence in other areas of your life.

Finding Inspiration
When you immerse yourself in another culture, you can observe how other people live and interact with each other, which is often different from your usual environment back home.

Expanding Your Horizons While Traveling: Finding Inspiration

When you have new experiences, it can inspire your imagination so you look at things in new ways.

Enhancing Your Social Skills
Even if you tend to be shy, when you travel you're placed in situations where you often must communicate with others.

Expanding Your Horizons While Traveling:  Enhancing Your Social Skills

If you usually feel awkward when you communicate in social situations, you might be surprised at how much confidence you develop after a while.

Having Fun While Traveling
When you open yourself up to new experiences while you're away, you also open yourself up to having fun (see my article: Being Open to New Experiences).

Having fun can help to improve your mood and reduce stress.

So, have fun and happy travels!


About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Your Daydreams Can Be a Source of Inspiration and Motivation

As children, many of us were warned by the adults in our lives to "Stop daydreaming." Maybe we were in our own fantasy world, using our imagination to create new worlds with fantastic people, plants or animals. Or, maybe we were imagining ourselves as flying to another planet or being celebrated for making a new discovery.

Daydreams Can Be a Source of Inspiration and Motivation

Over time, we might have come to think of daydreaming as being a waste of time. But our daydreams can offer us many opportunities for new and creative ideas as well as new ways of seeing ourselves and the world.

What is a daydream?
A daydream is often a pleasant fantasy from our unconscious that we have when we're awake and our minds wander off. Daydreams are usually about our hopes, wishes and aspirations. Usually, we don't direct our daydreams. They just come, if we allow them and if we take the time to pay attention to them.

Research Studies Reveal That We Spend a Lot of Time Daydreaming
Recent studies have revealed that, whether we realize it or not, we spend a significant amount of time daydreaming each day--up to a third of our day. 

Scientists have also discovered that daydreaming serves an important function with regard to problem solving, as our unconscious minds come up with new ways to look at situations.

Creative Writers and Daydreaming
Our unconscious minds can come up with so many more ideas than our conscious minds. 

For instance, many writers have said that when they felt blocked and unable to write, if they took a break from their writing and allowed themselves time to just let their minds wander, often they suddenly come up with new ideas.

Freud wrote about this phenomenon in "Creative Writers and Daydreaming."

How We Can Use Our Daydreams
Instead of thinking of daydreams as a waste of time, we can begin to think of them as a powerful, creative and rich source of information and inspiration. 

We can begin to pay attention to our daydreams to find out what they're telling us about our wishes, hopes and aspirations. 

Are we having particular daydreams about a new idea, a song, a story, a new career, a new image of ourselves?

We can begin to write down our daydreams and look for recurring themes. Maybe we can use some of our pleasant daydreams to bring new and creative ideas into fruition. 

And why not? We have this wonderful source--why not use it, and have fun with it? Learn to be more playful, enjoy your daydreams and let your imagination soar.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming the Morning Blues

If you struggle with the morning blues, you're not alone.  Millions of people wake up in the morning and want to go right back to sleep because they find it hard to face the day.  Assuming you've gotten enough sleep, the temptation to go back to sleep can be a way to avoid facing the day.  For many people who are confronted with the morning blues, their attitude is "Why bother?"  They have a sense of purposelessness. But you can overcome the morning blues by changing the way you approach the start of your day.

Overcoming the Morning Blues

One way to overcome the morning blues and that negative inner voice that can be so self defeating is to start each day with something that will inspire you.

Overcoming the Morning Blues

You'll need to plan this ahead of time so that when you wake up, it's available to you when you wake up.  For each person this will be different.  It can include:

Read an Inspiring Passage:
Many people find it uplifting to read an inspiring passage, whether it's spiritual material from one of the many One Day at a Time books or other reading material.

Overcoming the Morning Blues: Read an Inspiring Passage, Write Down Your Dreams, Set an Intention for the Day

Starting your day by reading an inspiring passage can change your attitude for the day and challenge your negative self thoughts.

Write Down Your Dreams:
Rather than giving in to that "Why bother?" negative inner voice, wake up with the goal that you'll write down your dreams.  

The best time to write down your dreams is when you first wake up.  If you keep a pad and pen by your bed and tell yourself before you go to sleep that you want to remember your dreams, you're more likely to remember your dreams.  Your dreams can provide you with interesting insights into yourself.  Some people discover that they become more in touch with their intuition once they start paying attention to their dreams.

Set the Tone with an Intention for the Day:
This is something you can decide before you go to sleep.  Alternatively, you can give yourself the suggestion before you go to sleep that you want to wake up with an intention for the day (see my article:  The Power of Starting the Day with an Intention).

Either way, having an intention for the day gives you a sense of meaning and purpose.  For instance, if your intention for the day is to be more compassionate, you can observe yourself throughout the day:  Are you getting impatient and angry with your coworkers?  Are you getting irritated with other drivers on the road?  Instead of being impatient and irritated, how might your attitude be different if you were more compassionate and put yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment?

Practice Morning Meditation:
Taking even just a few minutes every morning to start your day with morning meditation can change how you feel when you wake up and your attitude throughout your day (see my article: Wellness: Safe Place Meditation).

If you're new to meditation, there are many meditation CDs or downloads that can lead you through a guided meditation if that's what you would prefer.  You can also just spend a few minutes with your eyes closed observing your thoughts.  Whenever a negative thought comes to mind, just see it go by like a cloud passing in the sky.  Don't hold onto it.

Practice Yoga:
Whether you go to a yoga class to begin your day, which I highly recommend, or you do a few yoga poses on your own, beginning your day with yoga poses can be an uplifting way to start your day.  Not only will you quiet your mind, but you will feel more relaxed and refreshed.

Volunteer in Your Community:
When you wake up with the intention of helping others, you're less likely to be consumed with negative self thoughts.

Overcoming the Morning Blues: Volunteer in Your Community

There are many nonprofit organizations that need volunteers.  Not only is it a good feeling to be helping others, but you also can often feel gratitude for what you have in your own life.

Keep a gratitude journal:
Before you go to sleep each night, you can write down things you feel grateful for in your life.  They don't need to be big things.  They can be about the simple things in life that you might usually overlook: finding a parking space without having to drive around for a long time, hearing from a good friend, eating a delicious meal, and so on (see my article: Journal Writing Can Help Relieve Stress and Anxiety).

Overcoming the Morning Blues: Keep a Gratitude Journal

If you get into the habit of writing down at least three things every night, you'll begin to sensitize yourself to all the things you can feel grateful for in your life.  When you do this before you go to sleep, it can set the tone for when you wake up.

Overcoming the morning blues can be challenging, but not impossible.  Often, it's a matter of overcoming habitual negative thinking.  In other words, it's possible that the morning blues has become an unconscious habit that can be overcome with new positive habits.

Getting Help in Therapy
These are some ideas about how you can overcome the morning blues.  If rather than the morning blues you're feeling depressed, these ideas can be helpful.  But if they're not and your feelings of sadness and purposelessness last more than two weeks, you should seek the help of a licensed mental health practitioner who has experiencing working with clients who are depressed.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Joy of Being Attuned to Your Inner Child

As a psychotherapist who specializes in doing trauma work, I work with many people who were traumatized as children. This often means doing what John Bradshaw and others have called inner child work. Because this type of trauma work has become so prevalent, I think many people associate the term inner child to a state that is only a reference to trauma. But, being attuned to your "inner child" can also be a source of joy, inspiration, creativity, and happiness.

The Joy of Being Attuned to Your Inner Child

Regaining a Sense of Playfulness and Wonder

Childhood often holds moments of playfulness, openness, and a sense of curiosity and wonder that many people lose when they become adults. If you were fortunate enough to have had a reasonably good childhood with loving parents, your childhood probably had many instances of joy and love. It can be a rich inner emotional resource that you might have forgotten about but that is still available to you.

Rediscovering Your Inner Child and Creativity

As a psychotherapist in New York City, over the years, I've worked with many creative people--writers, composers, and artists--who want to tap into the part of the "inner child" who felt such an aliveness and openness to the world.

Often, they are struggling to overcome their "inner critic," that "voice of negative prediction" that causes creative blocks. Using clinical hypnosis or a combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing, they can tap into this deep resource.

But you don't have to be involved with artistic endeavors to benefit from becoming attuned to the joy of your "inner child." Feeling alive and open to new possibilities is beneficial to everyone, whether we tap into these feeling states for work, personal relationships or for your own sense of well being.

Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy Can Help to Tap into Creativity and Joy

So, instead of thinking of inner child work as always being about trauma or shame, you can also benefit from the positive aspects of your having been young, open, and playful. A sense of playfulness in our personal lives and in our work can open up a well spring of creativity and joy that you might not even realize you still have available to you.

All of your feeling states are still a part of you. They might not be as easily accessible during your everyday waking consciousness. But learning to access these states with mind-body oriented psychotherapeutic treatment modalities, like clinical hypnosis or Somatic Experiencing, can tap into your unconscious mind where these experiences might have been dormant for many years.

There is much to be gained by being attuned to that part of you that is often referred to as your "inner child." Whether it's resolving trauma, tuning into an openness and sense of wonder, or a combination of these experiences and more, working with the "inner child" can help you to feel more emotionally integrated and vibrant. That sense of being more alive, joyful, inspired, creative and open enables you to lead a more emotionally fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including dynamic talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing.

I have helped many clients to lead more fulfilling and enriched lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Zest for Life: 85 Years Young and Still Inspired and Inspiring

In my blog post yesterday, Overcoming the "I'm too old to change" Mindset,  I gave a fictionalized composite account of "John," who was in his 50s and used his age as an excuse to cover up his fear of changing. Today, I'd like to focus on my neighbor, Katherine, who, at the age of 85, is still inspired by life and inspiring others. She's an excellent example of someone who is in good health, has a zest for life, and who doesn't use her age as an excuse to avoid change in her life.

A Zest For Life: 85 Years Young and Still Inspired and Inspiring

First, let me say that Katherine isn't her real name. When I asked Katherine permission to discuss her in my blog, she's so modest that she couldn't understand why anyone would be interested in her. Once she got over her surprise, we agreed that I wouldn't use her real name or too much identifying information about her.

When she and I talked about what keeps her open and looking forward to new experiences in life, Katherine told me that she's always been a curious person who wasn't afraid of change throughout her life. She's still healthy, mentally sharp, and enjoys walking a few miles a day and practicing yoga daily. She also said that she doesn't hold grudges and she's learned "not to sweat the small stuff."

Until she retired, Katherine was an elementary schoolteacher for most of her life. Retirement for Katherine doesn't mean sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons. She's still an active volunteer at the local elementary school reading program. She still loves working with children and instilling a sense of curiosity and wonder in her students. She has a strong social network of friends, many of whom are 40 years younger than her and find it challenging to keep up with her pace.

Aside from inheriting healthy genes (both of her parents lived into their 90s), you might think that Katherine has lived a charmed life and this is why she has such a good attitude. But, far from it, Katherine has had her losses and misfortunes, including losing her first husband, the love of her life, to cancer when they were both in their 40s.

This was a loss she thought she'd never get over, but she had teenage children to raise, so she attended psychotherapy to deal with the loss, and she channeled her grief into doing volunteer work with a local cancer organization to help others who lost their loved ones to cancer. She remarried when she was in her 60s and lost her second husband five years ago, which was also a tremendous loss for her.

Aside from losing both husbands, Katherine has outlived many life long friends. She felt strongly about each of these losses, but she was determined that she wouldn't allow these losses to defeat her emotionally. She's one of the most resilient people that I know.

Katherine's attitude toward life is that she takes "each day as it comes," a variation of living "one day at a time." She looks at the changes that life brings as opportunities to learn and grow. At age 85, she knows she's not going to live forever. But rather than worrying about how much longer she might live, she focuses on making whatever time she has worthwhile for herself and others.

And what does Katherine say to people in their 40s, 50s or 60s whose mindset is "I'm too old to change"? She tells them, "Life is short and precious. Live life fully while you can. Learn to change and grow."

At 85 years young, Katherine is still inspired by life and still inspiring others around her. We can all learn a lot from her.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including contemporary talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Power of Making a Commitment

How wonderful it is to have an inspirational idea or a flash of insight that gives us that heady feeling of elation! That moment when the light bulb burns bright in your brain. Suddenly, you know intuitively what you need to do and you can't wait to get started. But when you think back on the many inspirational ideas and flashes of insight that you've had, how many of them have you brought to fruition? As wonderful as inspirational ideas might be, without the power of commitment, they will remain just fleeting ideas that don't go anywhere.

The Power of Making a Commitment

Whether it's an idea, a relationship, a career path, or a desire for self improvement, in order to succeed at whatever you've chosen to do, you'll need a strong commitment and the will and determination to see it through even when the going gets rough.

Successful People Usually Have the Power of Commitment:
One of the important differences between people who are successful and people who are not, whether it's success in relationships or success in careers (or however you're defining success) is that successful people usually have unshakable will and the power of commitment to do whatever it is that they set out to do. That doesn't mean that they always succeed in everything that they do, but they tend to succeed more often than the people who get easily discouraged and abandon their ideas, relationships or dreams.

Having said that, there are times when you have to reconsider what you might have wanted initially. For instance, if you've decided to that you want to overcome your fear of skiing and you're driving with all due determination to Vermont, but you realize that you're going the wrong way, you'll need to back track or get new directions in order for you to get to where you want to go.

In the same vein, if you've met someone that you think is wonderful and you feel determined to make that relationship work, but you find out that this person isn't trustworthy, sheer determination and commitment won't change what is bound to be an unhealthy relationship. So, determination doesn't mean that you plow ahead stubbornly no matter what.

Have You Noticed Certain Detrimental Patterns in Yourself When It Comes to Making Commitments?
At the same time, if you find that you have a pattern of starting out with enthusiasm and then getting easily discouraged, that's a different matter. The emphasis here is on the word "pattern." It's one thing to change course when it's necessary in certain instances and it's another thing if your tendency is to give up because of fear, frustration or lack of self confidence. A pattern of giving up often exacerbates a fragile sense of confidence, making it more difficult to try the next time.

Fear Can Be a Powerful Obstacle in Following Through with Your Commitments:
Everyone has had to face fear in his or her life. Whether you encounter fear of failure or fear of success or fear of fear, you're bound to encounter some degree of fear when you step outside of your comfort zone, especially with a new relationship, idea or venture. Following through and sticking with it often involves risk which can be frightening. Hopefully, these risks are calculated risks and not rash actions that are not well thought out. But even calculated risks can be frightening.

Having the fear is one thing, but allowing the fear to paralyze you until you're too frozen to move forward is something else.

Successful People Often Feel Confident in Themselves:
Aside from being committed, determined and having a strong will to succeed, successful people usually feel confident in themselves. Even when faced with a crowd of naysayers, they usually feel confident that, despite obstacles, they're going to succeed. (Now, when I say "confident," I don't mean arrogant.) Often, their confidence stems from having a track record of having overcoming many obstacles and succeeding in the past due to the power of their commitment to whatever it is their attempting to do.

The following fictionalized scenario, which does not represent any one person or persons, demonstrates how the power of commitment can make all the difference:

Dan and Jane:
Dan and Jane were both hired on the same day to work as managers in different departments for a medium size consulting firm. Both of them reported to the same director. Both of them were told at the outset that the organization had gone through many changes, morale was low, and that part of their mission in their respective departments was to help employees transition through these organizational changes and to boost morale and productivity.

Both Dan and Jane started out with a lot of enthusiasm and had many ideas on how to improve things in their departments. Each of them met weekly with the director to discuss their plans and how to implement them.

Several months later, they both encountered problems with organizational politics as well as resistance from their employees to new ideas. Both of them were under a lot of stress to turn things around despite the obstacles that they encountered. Both of them worked long hours to revise and modify their plans, in the face of certain obstacles, and they presented these revisions to the director.

They each felt a certain amount of frustration. However, the way that each of them handled his and her frustration was completely different. Whereas both of them started with a lot of enthusiasm, Dan handled his frustration and stress by allowing himself to feel discouraged. Jane, on the other hand, used her frustration and stress to fuel her passion to get the job done. Whereas Dan's confidence began to plummet with each new obstacle that he encountered, Jane was tenacious. She kept forging ahead feeling confident that she would succeed despite the obstacles.

By year end, Dan felt burnt out and discouraged. His confidence was at an all time low. As a result, he scheduled a meeting with his director to talk about resigning. Jane also had a difficult year and she didn't accomplish everything that she hoped to do, but her commitment to the process was so strong that she continued to feel passionate and excited about her work.

When Dan met with his director, the director refused to accept Dan's resignation. The director knew that Dan was a good manager with excellent ideas, but he lacked the power of commitment and the confidence that he needed to see projects through to completion. He talked to Dan about his own experiences with these obstacles early on in his career and how much he was helped by going to therapy to work them out. He recommended that Dan seek help.

Dan was moved by his director's self disclosure and the director's confidence in him. After his talk with the director, Dan felt inspired and motivated to start therapy. Although he did not tell his director this, he knew that throughout his life he would often start out with enthusiasm and drive, but when problems arose, he would allow himself to get easily discouraged and abandon his efforts before completion. He knew that he was not as confident in himself as he would like to be. He also knew that whenever he abandoned his efforts because he felt discouraged, this made him feel worse about himself so it became a vicious cycle. More than anything, Dan wanted to get out of this vicious cycle so he could feel confident and accomplished in his life.

Dan began psychotherapy feeling motivated to change. But as soon as he and his therapist began talking about difficult early childhood issues which were at the root of Dan's problems, he started to feel uncomfortable and less enthusiastic about his therapy. Gradually, he started finding reasons to cancel his sessions. At times, his reasons were legitimate but, more often than not, his reasons were a cover up for avoiding his fear of dealing with these difficult personal issues.

When his therapist pointed out to Dan that he was starting to do the same thing in therapy that he did in the rest of his life when he felt fearful, frustrated or discouraged, Dan recognized that his therapist was right. He also recognized that fear was a powerful obstacle in deterring him from completing many goals in his life as well as from staying in relationships that had some problems but were otherwise healthy relationships.

As Dan continued in therapy, he and his therapist worked on how Dan could move through his fear without letting it stop him. He realized that successful people often have fears, but they move forward anyway without allowing their fears to paralyze them. More than anything, he wanted to learn how to do this for himself too. With help from his therapist, he learned to manage his fear and stress level through mindfulness meditation, yoga, working out at the gym, continuing to talk about it and learn new tools in his psychotherapy sessions.

Throughout this process, whenever he felt tempted to leave therapy, Dan dealt with his fear directly rather than allowing himself to make excuses around it. In doing this, he renewed his commitment to his therapy and to overcoming his problems. His renewed commitment allowed him to get through the difficult times in therapy. Seeing that he could get through the difficult times gave him more confidence that he could overcome his personal obstacles.

Within a few months, Dan was on an upward spiral. Not only was he more open and motivated in his therapy, but he also felt renewed energy, motivation and commitment at work. When he met with his director, the director commented on noticing the changes in Dan and told him to keep up the good work.

Within the next year, Dan got involved with a woman that he really cared about a lot. When he recognized the first signs of his feeling discouraged and less committed when relatively minor problems developed, he knew that he was encountering his lifelong pattern with relationships, and he was able to work through this in his therapy. Rather than allowing fear to immobilize him or cause him to leave the relationship precipitously, he stuck it out and renewed his commitment to the relationship, which proved to be instrumental in working out their problems.

The reasons why people lose their sense of commitment are as varied as the people themselves. There is no one-size fits all solution or "magic bullet." And, as previously mentioned, the power of commitment doesn't always mean that you succeed in everything that you do. But, when you feel committed and passionate, you're more likely to succeed in the long run.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you recognize in yourself a pattern of abandoning your commitments, you owe it to yourself and to your loved ones to overcome this problem. Working through this type of problem is not always easy, but it often makes for a more rewarding and fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome their fears about making commitments so that they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist 

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Creating a Positive Rippling Effect

In my last post I wrote about The Positive Ripple Effect based on a chapter in Dr. Yalom's latest book, Staring at the Sun. I also gave case examples that I'm personally aware of about the positive rippling effect.

Creating a Positive Ripple Effect

 
Irving Yalom, Ph.D.
Dr. Yalom is an Existential psychotherapist and, while I'm not an Existentialist and I don't agree with all of his views, especially his views about religion and spirituality (basically, he says that he doesn't believe in any type of spirituality), I like his ideas about rippling and the positive effect it can have in an individual's social network and beyond.

The Positive Rippling Effect
When we hear about the positive rippling effect, we often hear about situations where someone has taken a big step towards affecting a change in his or her life as well as the lives of others: the person who engages in an act of courage who inspires others to act, the teacher or mentor who encourages others, the person who starts a movement that inspires others to join in, and so on.

But creating a positive rippling effect doesn't have to involve grand feats of courage or inspiring movements. More often, it's the every day small things that we do that can create a positive rippling effect.

It's a matter of being mindful of how we think and behave with others. It starts with our thoughts because our behavior is usually the result of our thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. In my prior post, if the social services director believed that the situation was hopeless and she could not affect any change in her staff or the clients, she would not have implemented the changes that she did, which had a positive rippling effect in the environment and beyond (see prior post).

Change Begins with Our Thoughts, Attitudes and Beliefs
So, change often begins with our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs, and if you find that your thoughts tend to be pessimistic most of the time, it's worth questioning yourself as to what these thoughts, attitudes and beliefs are based on. Often, pessimistic thoughts are based on a history of disappointments and, in some cases, trauma. Other times, it's a learned pessimistic way of thinking that often is not questioned by the thinker. And, while you might be right that, in certain cases, there is reason to be pessimistic, if you find that this is your overall attitude towards life, you would probably benefit from stepping outside of yourself, taking an objective look, and questioning your overall beliefs and attitudes about life and other people.

So, as I mentioned, creating a positive rippling effect starts with our thoughts and manifests in our mindful actions with others. The positive rippling effect can start with simple acts: smiling at a stranger, giving your seat to an older or disabled person on the train, expressing gratitude to a spouse, friend, colleague or family member, and so on. These are small acts of kindness that, based on the phenomenon of emotional contagion, can ripple from you to that person and from that person to others.

Of course, if you're in a position to create a positive rippling effect by creating bigger changes in your environment, that's wonderful. But the point is that no one should feel discouraged about this because they're only focused on big changes. Small changes often have a way of snowballing into big changes, even if you're not always aware of it.

You can experiment with creating positive rippling effects by becoming aware of how you interact with others: Do you offer encouragement or discouragement? Do you tend to focus on the negative and the "glass being half empty" rather than seeing the positive? What is the quality of your engagement with others? Do you take the time to notice people in your environment and how you affect them? Are you conscious of being ethical with others? Are you empathetic towards others? Are you compassionate?

We all know how good it feels when someone offers us encouragement, compassion, inspiration, or engages in an act of kindness with us. It tends to open us up and allow us to feel that we can do the same for others.

Once you've developed an awareness of how you interact with others, if you don't like what you see in yourself, you can make a conscious effort to change. As with any change, it doesn't have to be perfect. The important step is to make a start. After you practice this for a while, the quality of your interactions with others often changes automatically so that you don't have to make such a conscious effort--you're doing it without even thinking much about it, and your affecting a positive rippling effect in your environment and beyond.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.