Emotional Trauma Often Creates Negative Expectations About the Future

People who suffer with a history of emotional trauma often have negative expectations for the future because of their trauma.  This is a common experience that many psychotherapists see in their clients, especially among adults with early childhood trauma.

 Emotional Trauma Often Creates Negative Expectations About the Future

Negative Expectations About the Future Are Often Unconscious
These negative expectations are often unconscious so people, who experience them, often don't question them because these thoughts are outside of their conscious awareness.

However a skilled therapist, who is attuned to clients, can recognize these negative expectations, especially when these clients talk about their future in an overly pessimistic way.

If a traumatized client is in therapy where only cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is used, the therapist usually will point out the distortions in the way that the client is thinking and the problematic behavior that s/he is engaging in.

This is a useful first step because it makes clients' unconscious feelings conscious and they can learn to become aware of these feelings in order to change them.

By becoming aware of their pessimism, they can begin to challenge their thoughts and feelings by asking themselves if these thoughts and feelings are objectively true.  This assumes that clients can take a step back for self reflection.

If they're able to challenge their thoughts and feelings, they might be able to entertain an alternate scenario where the possibility of the future could be more realistic.

If they're not at the point where they can actually imagine a positive future for themselves, they might, at least, be able to see that there is the potential for a future that is better than their past or present experiences.

Counteractive Therapy vs Experiential Therapy
As I mentioned in a prior article, Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR, Helps to Achieve Transformational Breakthroughs, CBT works as a counteractive therapy that provides clients in therapy with an alternate scenario to their usual way of thinking and feeling.

But, for many traumatized clients, this form of counteractive therapy isn't enough.  They can see the distortions in their thinking, but they're unable to feel it in an authentic way or to change it.

Emotional Trauma Often Creates Negative Expectations About the Future

This can be very frustrating and, for some clients, it makes them feel ashamed.  They feel like they're "not doing therapy right."  For some clients, the contradiction between how they feel and what they can  see can make them feel that there's something seriously wrong with them.

These clients often leave therapy because they continue to have negative expectations for their future.  At that point, they leave therapy with the idea that "I tried therapy--it doesn't work for me."

But the problem isn't with the client.  The problem is with the type of therapy, CBT.

Experiential Therapy and Brain Research
When it works, CBT affects the logical part of the brain, but it often has no impact on the emotional part of the brain, which is the part of the brain that needs to be changed when emotional trauma is involved.

We're fortunate now to have the brain research to prove this, as cited in Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Eliminating Symptoms at Their Roots Using Memory Reconsolidation by Bruce Ecker, Robin Ticic, Laurel Hulley and Robert A. Neimeyer, and in other recent books and articles about brain research as it applies to emotional trauma.

Experiential Therapy and Brain Research

In their book, the authors discuss research that demonstrates that experiential therapies, like EMDR and other similar types of therapy, help these clients to have a transformational experience, as I mentioned in my prior article about experiential therapy.

Rather than just being a counteractive therapy that only provides an alternative on a logical level, experiential therapy affects the limbic system so that the client not only recognizes the distortion on a cognitive level--they also feel it.

With experiential therapies, like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis, clients remember the narrative of their traumatic memories, but they experience the memories differently on an emotional level from how they did before they came to therapy.

Experiential Therapies Can Provide Transformative Experiences

Often, clients, who participate in experiential therapy, will make comments like:

• "When I think about the memories, I remember everything that happened, but I no longer feel traumatized."
• "I never thought I would be able to think about these memories without feeling upset about them."
• "I used to feel so upset by these memories, but now when I think about them, my feelings about them are neutral."

Experiential therapies also help clients to overcome feelings of foreboding (based on their trauma past) about the future.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have a history of trauma that causes you to feel pessimistic about your future, you could benefit from getting help in therapy with a licensed psychotherapist who provides experiential therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy

Rather than feeling trapped by your emotional history, you could be free to live a fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome emotional trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool for Change

Imagination as a Powerful Tool for Change
Your imagination can be a powerful tool that can be used creatively for making positive changes in your life, solving problems, writing prose, poetry or music, and countless other endeavors. If you allow your mind the freedom to be creative, your imagination can come up with limitless possibilities.

Your Imagination is a Powerful Tool for Change

What Does the Word "Imagination" Mean to You?
Unfortunately, the word "imagination" has a negative meaning for many people.  Often, this begins in early childhood.  Many adults, especially parents and teachers, without realizing it, discourage children from using their imagination.  They tell children, "Stop daydreaming" and "It was only you're imagination."  After a while, these children come to think of imagination as something "bad" or "wrong" rather than seeing it as a creative tool.

How Do You Use Your Imagination?
We use our imagination all the time, often without being aware of it.

The real question is how you use your imagination: Do you use it as a creative tool that can help you to grow and develop or do you use it in a negative way that causes you worry and emotional pain?

Observing yourself and seeing how you use your imagination in your life can help you to understand if you tend to use it in an optimistic or a pessimistic manner.

How would your imagination react to the following scenarios:

Your boss tells you that she wants to see you in her office now. As you're walking to her office, are you imagining yourself getting fired? If so, how would you feel if you found out that you were getting a promotion and a raise?

The new person you've been dating leaves a message on your voicemail that he'd like to talk to you right away. Do you imagine that he's calling to break up with you? If so, how would you feel if, when you called back, he told you that his friend, who had to work late, gave him free orchestra seats to see a play tonight that you've been wanting to see and he's inviting you to go with him?

You wake up on a Monday morning and as you lay in bed, you begin to anticipate your day.  Where do your thoughts go?  Do you imagine all the bad things that could happen this day?  Does your imagination automatically come up with the different things that could go wrong?  Or do you see it as a new day with possibilities of new opportunities?  And if you imagined a bad day and it actually turns out to be a very good day, how does this affect you?  Does this cause you to question how you think or do you minimize this day (and all your good days) as exceptions.

Changing How You Use Your Imagination
If you think about situations that have actually occurred in your life where you imagined negative outcomes but were pleasantly surprised by positive outcomes, you can begin to become aware of your particular pattern of using your imagination.

Whenever a particular situation comes up, notice where you mind goes. Write it down. After a while, if you notice a pattern that you don't like, you might decide you want to change your way of thinking. If so, as a first step, you can begin to challenge yourself about your negative imagination and begin to consider positive outcomes instead.

For some people who have had emotional trauma, using negative imagination becomes a habitual way of thinking because they feel it helps to prepare them for the worst case scenario each time. This is a common reaction to trauma.

The problem is that focusing on the worst case scenario all of the time doesn't really help and, in many cases, it gets in the way because these people are always anticipating emotional pain and going over painful scenarios in their lives. So, even when something good happens, it's hard for them to enjoy life because they're immersed in their negative imagination. For people with a history of lot of painful experiences, it can be very difficult to change this pattern on their own without help from a licensed mental health professional who works with trauma.

From Imagination to Action
Of course, even if you use your imagination in the most positive and creative ways, you still need to take action.  Here's where a lot of people get stuck.  They might have wonderful daydreams about how they'll change their lives, but they don't take the necessary steps to make it happen.  Emotional obstacles  get in the way.

Getting Help - Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing
If you would like to use your imagination as a creative tool to make changes in your life, you could benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist who is trained in clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy) and Somatic Experiencing.  Clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are a powerful combination that allow you to access your internal world to make changes.

To find out more about clinical hypnosis, visit:  American Society for Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH).

To find out more about Somatic Experiencing, visit:  Somatic Experiencing Training Institute

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  I have helped many clients to overcome habitual negative thinking and patterns of negative imagination so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Photo Credit:  photo credit: jaci XIII via photopin cc

Turning Lemons into Lemonade For Life's Ordinary Disappointments

There's an old saying about life's everyday disappointments: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Some people have such an extraordinary knack of being able to reframe life's inevitable disappointments to make a negative into a positive. 

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade For Ordinary Disappointments

They are the 10 or so percent of the population who are naturally optimistic. They can find the silver lining in the darkest storm clouds: Stuck in traffic? No problem, it's an opportunity to remember to breathe and relax. 

Their car needs repairs? No problem, it's an opportunity to walk and get more exercise.

Everyday disappointments and frustrations are taken in stride with their naturally positive attitude and resilience. For most of the rest of us, this is a way of being that doesn't come naturally and would need to be cultivated.

Ordinary Disappointments and Frustration

Before I go on, I want to stress that I'm referring to life's ordinary and inevitable disappointments and frustrations. I'm not referring to tragic losses or trauma. 

It would be cruel to expect, for instance, that a parent who loses a child would be looking for a silver lining in this loss--although, there are some very extraordinary people who galvanize themselves and find the strength to help others, even after tragic losses. 

Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and other similar groups are examples of this, but the ability to do that is different from reframing a loss or disappointment.

So, how can we learn to "make lemonade" when life gives us lemons? How can we learn to develop this skill that resilient and resourceful people have? And why is it important to learn this life skill?

Well, I'll address the second question first by saying that, on the most basic level, research has shown that people who have an optimistic attitude tend to be healthier and live longer. They feel confident and more in control of their lives. And, generally speaking, they tend to be happier than people who have a more pessimistic outlook on life, so the quality of their lives is better.

As to how to develop a more optimistic attitude, the first step is to have an awareness of how you think and respond to ordinary disappointments. Do you feel angry and defeated or are you able to take an everyday disappointment in stride?

To be able to determine this, you need to be able to step back in a non-defensive way and be honest with yourself. 

At times, this can be challenging, but if you can review in your mind how you handled the last few annoying incidents in your life, all things being equal, you would probably get a good sense of where you are on the optimism/pessimism spectrum. 

And I want to stress that there is a spectrum--it's not a black and white or all or nothing thing. And, of course, there are especially stressful times in life when you can feel overwhelmed and, even the most optimistic person would feel challenged, but I'm not referring to these times.

So, let's say that you've determined that you're someone who gets easily thrown by everyday disappointments and you want to learn to change the way you respond. How do you do that? My recommendation, after you learn to develop an awareness of your habitual pattern is to practice reframing these events for yourself.

Now, if you're a naturally dyed-in-the-wool pessimist, this will be challenging, no doubt about it. 

If the idea of reframing a relatively minor disappointment into a potential opportunity seems impossible for you, you might need to start by using your creative imagination to imagine how an optimistic person might look at it. Suspend disbelief and put yourself in the shoes of an optimistic person to fathom how he or she might reframe an annoyance or disappointment.

Even if, at first, this seems completely foreign to you, chances are that if you practice this diligently, you can change the way you think and respond to life's ordinary downturns. And the ability to reframe these disappointments can help you to be a more resilient and resourceful person who can respond to life in a creative way.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including contemporary talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapy

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Creating a Positive Rippling Effect

In my last post I wrote about The Positive Ripple Effect based on a chapter in Dr. Yalom's latest book, Staring at the Sun. I also gave case examples that I'm personally aware of about the positive rippling effect.

Creating a Positive Ripple Effect

 
Irving Yalom, Ph.D.
Dr. Yalom is an Existential psychotherapist and, while I'm not an Existentialist and I don't agree with all of his views, especially his views about religion and spirituality (basically, he says that he doesn't believe in any type of spirituality), I like his ideas about rippling and the positive effect it can have in an individual's social network and beyond.

The Positive Rippling Effect
When we hear about the positive rippling effect, we often hear about situations where someone has taken a big step towards affecting a change in his or her life as well as the lives of others: the person who engages in an act of courage who inspires others to act, the teacher or mentor who encourages others, the person who starts a movement that inspires others to join in, and so on.

But creating a positive rippling effect doesn't have to involve grand feats of courage or inspiring movements. More often, it's the every day small things that we do that can create a positive rippling effect.

It's a matter of being mindful of how we think and behave with others. It starts with our thoughts because our behavior is usually the result of our thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. In my prior post, if the social services director believed that the situation was hopeless and she could not affect any change in her staff or the clients, she would not have implemented the changes that she did, which had a positive rippling effect in the environment and beyond (see prior post).

Change Begins with Our Thoughts, Attitudes and Beliefs
So, change often begins with our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs, and if you find that your thoughts tend to be pessimistic most of the time, it's worth questioning yourself as to what these thoughts, attitudes and beliefs are based on. Often, pessimistic thoughts are based on a history of disappointments and, in some cases, trauma. Other times, it's a learned pessimistic way of thinking that often is not questioned by the thinker. And, while you might be right that, in certain cases, there is reason to be pessimistic, if you find that this is your overall attitude towards life, you would probably benefit from stepping outside of yourself, taking an objective look, and questioning your overall beliefs and attitudes about life and other people.

So, as I mentioned, creating a positive rippling effect starts with our thoughts and manifests in our mindful actions with others. The positive rippling effect can start with simple acts: smiling at a stranger, giving your seat to an older or disabled person on the train, expressing gratitude to a spouse, friend, colleague or family member, and so on. These are small acts of kindness that, based on the phenomenon of emotional contagion, can ripple from you to that person and from that person to others.

Of course, if you're in a position to create a positive rippling effect by creating bigger changes in your environment, that's wonderful. But the point is that no one should feel discouraged about this because they're only focused on big changes. Small changes often have a way of snowballing into big changes, even if you're not always aware of it.

You can experiment with creating positive rippling effects by becoming aware of how you interact with others: Do you offer encouragement or discouragement? Do you tend to focus on the negative and the "glass being half empty" rather than seeing the positive? What is the quality of your engagement with others? Do you take the time to notice people in your environment and how you affect them? Are you conscious of being ethical with others? Are you empathetic towards others? Are you compassionate?

We all know how good it feels when someone offers us encouragement, compassion, inspiration, or engages in an act of kindness with us. It tends to open us up and allow us to feel that we can do the same for others.

Once you've developed an awareness of how you interact with others, if you don't like what you see in yourself, you can make a conscious effort to change. As with any change, it doesn't have to be perfect. The important step is to make a start. After you practice this for a while, the quality of your interactions with others often changes automatically so that you don't have to make such a conscious effort--you're doing it without even thinking much about it, and your affecting a positive rippling effect in your environment and beyond.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.