5 Tips For Challenging and Restructuring Distorted Negative Thoughts

In a prior article, I discussed how your distorted thoughts can have an negative impact on your overall mood and perspective (see my articles: How Psychotherapy Can Help You to Change Distorted Thinking).  In this article, I'm providing tips on how to challenge and restructure your negative thoughts which are distorted, so you don't get stuck in a pattern of negative thinking that affects your mood.

Challenging and Restructuring Distorted Negative Thoughts

How Negative Thoughts Affect Your Perspective
During a crisis, like the current pandemic, it's easy to get caught in a cycle of negative thoughts that gives you a pessimistic outlook and affects your mood.

While it's important to be realistic about the real challenges, if you don't find ways to overcome a habitual negative thoughts, they often have a way of crowding out anything that's positive.  So, it's important to notice if your thoughts and mood have become overly negative to the point where you're no longer seeing positive things that are happening in your life.

5 Tips For Challenging and Restructuring Your Negative Thoughts

• Write Down and Monitor the Accuracy of Your Negative Thoughts: When you have a negative thought, write it down.  Sometimes writing, rereading what you've written or even saying it out loud can help you to see that your thought is distorted.  

• Test Your Thoughts: Many negative thoughts remain untested, which gives them more power over you.  Try testing your thoughts to see how accurate they are.  For instance, if you tell yourself that you have no time--not even 5 minutes--to meditate, take a look at how you spend your time. If you're spending a lot of time online, can you take 5 minutes from that activity to close your eyes to meditate and relax?

• Evaluate the Likelihood of Your Negative Thoughts Coming True: Ask yourself how likely is it that your negative thoughts will come true.  Is there evidence for it?  What is this evidence?  How solid is this evidence? If there's no evidence, where are these thoughts coming from and what might they related to in your past?

• Practice Mindfulness Meditation: Your mindfulness meditation can be as simple as closing your eyes and paying attention to your breathing.  As you focus on each inhalation and exhalation, notice the quality of your breath and how focusing on your breath calms your mind and body (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Calm the Body and Calm the Mind).  Mindfulness meditation also provides an opportunity to see your negative perspective with a sense of calm so you can evaluate if you're catastrophizing.

• Practice Self Compassion: Notice if you're being overly critical of yourself or if you're in the habit of berating yourself for your mistakes.  It's often true that people who have compassion for the mistakes of others have little to none for themselves because they believe they don't deserve it.  So, practicing self compassion can be challenging.  Start by challenging yourself whenever you berate yourself ("I'm such an idiot for making that mistake").  Ask yourself if you would be as hard on someone else as you are on yourself.  Accept that you're human and, like everyone else, you're going to make mistakes.  Practice have compassion for yourself (see my article: Self Compassion: Loving Yourself Even in the Places Where You Feel Broken).

Getting Help in Therapy
Sometimes habitual negative thinking is linked to a history of trauma. 

When negative thinking is linked to trauma, trying to challenge your negative thoughts on your own often doesn't change them.

A crisis or a stressful event in the present can trigger unresolved trauma that requires the help of a trauma therapist (see my articles: Becoming Aware of Triggers Related to Unresolved Trauma and What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Many therapists are providing online therapy (also known as teletherapy and telehealth) during the COVID-19 crisis (see my article:  The Advantages of Online Therapy When You Can't See Your Therapist in Person).

Rather than getting stuck in a cycle of negativity, you could get help from a licensed psychotherapist who can help you to get through a difficult time and work through any underlying trauma.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I'm currently providing online therapy while I'm out of the office due to the global pandemic.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Strategies For Making Major Changes in Your Life

Change is hard, especially when it's a major change.  This is why so many people make the same New Year's resolutions every year and why many give up a few weeks into the New Year.  When you want to make a major change, it helps to have strategies to help you through the change process (see my articles: Preparing Yourself Emotionally For Major Changes, Understanding the Difference Between "I Can't" and "I Won't" and Overcoming Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life).

Strategies For Making Major Changes 

Strategies For Making Major Changes: Ask Yourself the Following Questions:

How Does This Change Fit in With My Core Values?

Ask yourself why this change is important to you and how it fits in with your core values.  This might seem obvious, but many people decide to make a major change without asking themselves this important question.

So, for instance, instead of deciding that you want to lose weight, ask yourself why you want to lose weight and how this fits in with your core values.  Rather than focusing on how many pounds you want to lose, ask yourself why this is important to you.  Is this part of a larger goal to improve your health?  How does this change fit in with the rest of your life?

When the change you want to make is part of your core values, the value of making that change is more apparent, and you will feel more motivated than if you have a narrower focus (see my article: Living Authentically Aligned With Your Values). 

Am I Willing to Deal With the Challenges in the Process of Making a Major Change?

Major changes usually involve long term goals that you make a commitment to achieve and maintain.  So,  you need to ask yourself if you're willing to be in it for the long haul.  That means not getting discouraged and quitting when things start to get tough.

Being able to tolerate a certain amount of discomfort is usually part of making a major change.  So, for instance, if your goal is to save money to buy an apartment because this is an important goal for you, you will probably have to rein in your spending.

That might mean being more disciplined about how you spend money, which will involve some self sacrifice.   Without being clear that saving money to buy a home for yourself is part of a larger goal of feeling secure, you're going to find it more challenging to give up things you want for immediate gratification in order to achieve your long term goal.

How Will I Handle Setbacks?

Setbacks are a part of life for everyone.  Even highly motivated people experience setbacks when they're in the process of making major changes.  If you know this in advance and you plan for it, you're less likely to give up when the going gets tough.

In the long run, it's not whether or not you have a setback but how you handle that setback.  Do you give up or do you bounce back and recommit to your goals?  So, for instance, if your goal is to live a healthier life and that includes losing weight, do you feel everything is lost when you deviate from your eating plan?

The best strategy is to have a plan for how you're going to handle the setbacks that will inevitably occur.  One way to do this, rather than giving up, is to acknowledge the setback, learn from it and then start again  (see my article: Resilience: Remembering Your Past Comebacks to Overcome a Current Setback).

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people, who start with great strategies, give up because of unconscious negative beliefs they have about themselves that convince them that they won't succeed no matter what they do.  These unconscious beliefs often get triggered during setbacks (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic).

If you continue to struggle to make major changes in your life even when you have great strategies, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to discover and overcome the unconscious negative beliefs  that are getting in your way (see my articles:  The Benefits of Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist.

Rather than giving up on the things you really want in your life, you owe it to yourself to work with a skilled psychotherapist who can help you to overcome the obstacles that are keeping you from having the life that you want and deserve. 

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome the obstacles that were keeping them stuck.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or Email me.

Psychotherapy: Overcoming the Shame That Keeps You From Starting Therapy

Shame can be a very debilitating emotion, especially when it comes to asking for help.  As a psychotherapist in NYC, I see many clients who have struggled with shame for years before they allow themselves to come to therapy for help, usually after their problems have gone from bad to worse and they're in an emotional crisis.

Overcoming Shame That Keeps You From Starting Therapy

Why Do People Feel Too Ashamed to Ask For Help in Therapy?
The reasons why many people are too ashamed to come to therapy vary with each person, but negative self judgment is often a major factor.

Negative Self Judgment: "I Should Be Able to Handle This Problem"
One of the most common underlying issues is an attitude of self judgment with an internal dialogue that says, "I should be able to handle this on my own"  or "If I was stronger, I wouldn't need help."  Many of these same people wouldn't judge their loved ones if they needed help, but they can be very punitive with themselves.

Why Do People Feel Shame and Negative Self Judgment? 
Often people who feel shame and engage in negative self judgment were placed in a role as a child where they had to act like an adult.  It's amazing how children, when placed in this role, will rise to the occasion and take on problems that are really beyond their development.  Of course, this comes at a great emotional price to them because they're not allowed to be children.

Shame and Negative Self Judgment Often Keep People From Coming to Therapy

Unfortunately, the fact that they're able to rise to the occasion and act like adults reinforces a parental attitude that they can handle problems that are really beyond them and perpetuates this cycle.  This isn't always intentional on the parents' part.  Often, this happens with parents who are overwhelmed and who were also called upon when they were children to take on this parental role.  So, it might not occur to them that it's not appropriate to ask children to take on what are really adult problems.

Being the Person That Everyone Else Comes to With Their Problems
Being raised as a parentified child primes a child to grow up to be an adult that everyone else comes to with their problems.  I've seen this so many times with psychotherapy clients who finally come to therapy for their own problems when they feel overwhelmed.  They'll often tell me that they're usually the ones that everyone leans on, but they don't feel comfortable asking for help from others.

Often, they understand, logically, that there are times when everyone needs help.  But it doesn't feel right to them on an emotional level because they're not used to being the ones who ask others for help.  On an emotional level, it feels wrong to them.

Part of the problem is that many of them have little or no experience, even as children, getting help.  These children usually learn to push down their own natural dependency needs in order to accommodate others.  After years of pushing down their own emotional needs, they don't feel them any more.  They've become so good at denying that they have needs of their own that they have little or no awareness of what they're feeling--until something big happens.

You Can Only Override Your Emotional Needs For So Long Before It Has Consequences For You
Denial is a very powerful defense.  You can be in denial for a long time before it begins to have consequences for you.  But, inevitably, denying your own emotional needs will have consequences.

The consequences can result in problems that are of an emotional, physical or even spiritual nature.  For example, you might ignore your need for help until it develops into a sleep problem.  Then, rather than considering that your problem might stem from your suppressed emotional needs, you go to the doctor and ask him or her for a sleep medication.

There Can Be Emotional and Physical Consequences to Ignoring Your Need For Help

A well-informed doctor will ask you if you're having particular emotional problems that are keeping up at night.  S/he will often recommend that you see a therapist to deal with these problems rather than just relying on medication, which may or may not work and might have side effects.  But many doctors are so busy that it's easier and faster to write a prescription than to explore underlying issues.

In fact, many medical problems have a strong psychological component that often go unrecognized.  Then, rather than treat the source of the problem, people go from one doctor to the next to treat the physical symptoms of an underlying psychological problem, like depression or anxiety.

Unfortunately, many people ignore their own needs until they reach an emotional, physical or spiritual crisis.  They might get to the point where they feel they can't get out of bed any more because they're so depressed.

Getting Help in Therapy 
It often helps to step outside your own experience and ask yourself if you would judge your best friend or a beloved family member if he or she came to therapy.  Then, ask yourself if shame and false pride are preventing you from being as emotionally generous with yourself as you would be with a loved one.

 Rather than allowing shame to get in your way, sometimes you need to allow your rational mind to tell you what your emotions are preventing you from seeing--that you need help from a licensed mental health professional and there's no need to feel ashamed of this.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic  Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I've helped many people to overcome shame so that they can lead fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool for Change

Imagination as a Powerful Tool for Change
Your imagination can be a powerful tool that can be used creatively for making positive changes in your life, solving problems, writing prose, poetry or music, and countless other endeavors. If you allow your mind the freedom to be creative, your imagination can come up with limitless possibilities.

Your Imagination is a Powerful Tool for Change

What Does the Word "Imagination" Mean to You?
Unfortunately, the word "imagination" has a negative meaning for many people.  Often, this begins in early childhood.  Many adults, especially parents and teachers, without realizing it, discourage children from using their imagination.  They tell children, "Stop daydreaming" and "It was only you're imagination."  After a while, these children come to think of imagination as something "bad" or "wrong" rather than seeing it as a creative tool.

How Do You Use Your Imagination?
We use our imagination all the time, often without being aware of it.

The real question is how you use your imagination: Do you use it as a creative tool that can help you to grow and develop or do you use it in a negative way that causes you worry and emotional pain?

Observing yourself and seeing how you use your imagination in your life can help you to understand if you tend to use it in an optimistic or a pessimistic manner.

How would your imagination react to the following scenarios:

Your boss tells you that she wants to see you in her office now. As you're walking to her office, are you imagining yourself getting fired? If so, how would you feel if you found out that you were getting a promotion and a raise?

The new person you've been dating leaves a message on your voicemail that he'd like to talk to you right away. Do you imagine that he's calling to break up with you? If so, how would you feel if, when you called back, he told you that his friend, who had to work late, gave him free orchestra seats to see a play tonight that you've been wanting to see and he's inviting you to go with him?

You wake up on a Monday morning and as you lay in bed, you begin to anticipate your day.  Where do your thoughts go?  Do you imagine all the bad things that could happen this day?  Does your imagination automatically come up with the different things that could go wrong?  Or do you see it as a new day with possibilities of new opportunities?  And if you imagined a bad day and it actually turns out to be a very good day, how does this affect you?  Does this cause you to question how you think or do you minimize this day (and all your good days) as exceptions.

Changing How You Use Your Imagination
If you think about situations that have actually occurred in your life where you imagined negative outcomes but were pleasantly surprised by positive outcomes, you can begin to become aware of your particular pattern of using your imagination.

Whenever a particular situation comes up, notice where you mind goes. Write it down. After a while, if you notice a pattern that you don't like, you might decide you want to change your way of thinking. If so, as a first step, you can begin to challenge yourself about your negative imagination and begin to consider positive outcomes instead.

For some people who have had emotional trauma, using negative imagination becomes a habitual way of thinking because they feel it helps to prepare them for the worst case scenario each time. This is a common reaction to trauma.

The problem is that focusing on the worst case scenario all of the time doesn't really help and, in many cases, it gets in the way because these people are always anticipating emotional pain and going over painful scenarios in their lives. So, even when something good happens, it's hard for them to enjoy life because they're immersed in their negative imagination. For people with a history of lot of painful experiences, it can be very difficult to change this pattern on their own without help from a licensed mental health professional who works with trauma.

From Imagination to Action
Of course, even if you use your imagination in the most positive and creative ways, you still need to take action.  Here's where a lot of people get stuck.  They might have wonderful daydreams about how they'll change their lives, but they don't take the necessary steps to make it happen.  Emotional obstacles  get in the way.

Getting Help - Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing
If you would like to use your imagination as a creative tool to make changes in your life, you could benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist who is trained in clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy) and Somatic Experiencing.  Clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are a powerful combination that allow you to access your internal world to make changes.

To find out more about clinical hypnosis, visit:  American Society for Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH).

To find out more about Somatic Experiencing, visit:  Somatic Experiencing Training Institute

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  I have helped many clients to overcome habitual negative thinking and patterns of negative imagination so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Photo Credit:  photo credit: jaci XIII via photopin cc