How Does the "Hero's Journey" Help You to Cope With Big Changes in Your Life?

Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth

Ever since I first became aware of Joseph Campbell's work while watching the PBS series, "Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth" in 1988, I have been an admirer of his work, especially his book, The Hero With a Thousand Faces, and how his concepts can be used to cope with personal change.

The Hero's Journey

When I was a social work graduate student many years ago, I did an internship at an agency for homeless men many of whom had mental health and substance abuse problems. When my supervisor recommended that I do a group for the clients, I knew I wanted to introduce the concepts of the "Hero's Journey" to these clients, which is derived from Campbell's book.

The clients understood immediately how the "Hero's Journey" applied to their life, their recovery and the changes they were trying to make to their life. It was a popular group at the agency.

Since that time, many clients in my psychotherapy practice in New York City have found that the concepts in the "Hero's Journey" helped them to make major changes  in their lives.

What is the "Hero's Journey"?

Joseph Campbell, an American mythologist and author described the "Hero's Journey" as a monomyth. 

A monomyth is a narrative structure which is common in many myths around the world where the main character ventures from their ordinary world to an unknown world. 

Along the way, according to Campbell, the main character encounters adventures, challenges and has transformational experiences of self discovery before they return to the known world to re-enter their world and bring back what they have learned to their society.

"The Hero's Journey" has been used as a blueprint for many movies and stories, including Star Wars. George Lucas created the character, Luke Skywalker, as the hero of the story who transforms from a farm boy into a hero through the classic stages of the "Hero's Journey".

What Are the Stages of the "Hero's Journey"?

The "Hero's Journey" is made of three main phases:

• Separation from the Known World (Departure)

• Initiation

• Return to the Known World

Within those three main phases, there are various stages including:

• The Ordinary World: This is the  hero's normal everyday life before the adventure begins.

• The Call to Adventure: The hero gets the call to face a challenge or a quest.

• Refusal of the Call: The hero hesitates or fears leaving their comfort zone. An example of this is when Luke Skywalker tells Obi-Wan Kenobe that he cannot join him to fight the Empire because he has obligations to his aunt and uncle. He is also fearful and wants to remain in his familiar world.

Meeting the Mentor: Ariadne's Thread

• Meeting the Mentor: A wise or experienced figure gives the hero advice or tools for the challenges to come. In Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobe is an important mentor. He teaches him about the Force and lightsaber skills. Another example in the Greek myth, "Theseus and the Minotaur", Ariadne, a princess in Crete, gave the hero, Theseus, a ball of red yarn (or fleece) to help him navigate the Labyrinth, a complex maze that housed the dangerous Minotaur. In psychology, this myth is used as a metaphor for using your inner voice to lead you through the maze of your unconscious mind or through a difficult life transition (see my article: Reclaiming the Power of Your Inner Voice).

• Crossing the First Threshold: The hero commits to the journey and enters into the unknown world.

• Tests, Allies, Enemies: The hero faces challenges, makes friends and encounters foes.

• Approach to the Inmost Cave: The hero prepares for the central crisis of the story

• The Ordeal: The ordeal is a central life-or-death crisis where the hero faces their greatest fear.

• Reward (Seizing the Sword): The hero survives the ordeal and takes possession of the treasure or knowledge.

• The Road Back: The hero attempts to return to the ordinary world while they are being chased by danger.

• Resurrection: The hero faces the final high-stakes battle at the threshold of home, which purifies the hero. 

• Return of the Elixir: The hero returns home and brings back the "elixir" (knowledge, treasure or peace) to help their community. For instance, in the myth of "Eros and Psyche", Psyche is given ambrosia by Zeus after completing the quests which transform her from a mortal into a goddess.  Another example is Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. The elixir is the destruction of the Death Star and the medal of honor. This signifies hope, success and his rise as a hero.

What is the Significance of the "Hero's Journey"?

• Common Themes: The themes in the "Hero's Journey" mirror experience in real life of overcoming obstacles to attain personal growth.

• Story Structure: It provides a framework for personal storytelling as well as for stories like: 
• Star Wars
• The Hobbit
• The Wizard of Oz

The "Hero's Journey"and The Wizard of Oz

• The Odyssey
• The Quest For the Holy Grail
• The Alchemist
• The Hunger Games
• The Three Musketeers and many other stories.

• Transformation: The focus is on the internal change of the main character as well as the adventure.  This also applies to the psychological changes in real life.

How Can You Use the "Hero's Journey" to Cope With Big Changes in Your Life?

You can use the "Hero's Journey" to cope with change by reframing personal challenges as a narrative for growth rather than a crisis. 

The "Hero's Journey"

By identifying as a hero, rather than a victim, in your own story, you can embrace uncertainty as a "Call to Adventure", find mentors or people who can provide you with tools and emotional support, face challenges and attain newfound strength.

Key Stages of the "Hero's Journey" for Personal Change

• Reframe the Crisis as a Journey: Instead of viewing life challenges or disruptions as permanent catastrophes, see them as necessary temporary stages in a transformative journey. 

• Identify the Call to Adventure: Recognize the necessity of change as a "call" prompting you to step out of your comfort zone to begin the necessary transition.

• Identify Mentors or Allies: Recognize the people, including mentors, allies, trusted friends, mental health professionals and others, who can provide support, guidance and tools during your transition.

• "Cross the Threshold": Commit to making the change by taking small, proactive steps which help to build momentum and reduce fears of the unknown.

• Face the "Ordeal": Acknowledge that facing challenges is a necessary part of the process while allowing the "death" of old habits and the "rebirth" of a more resilient self.

• Bring Back the "Elixir": Focus on the lessons, wisdom and personal growth gained from your struggle while integrating the new strength into your "ordinary world".

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Coping With the In-Between State of Change 

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance Psychotherapy? 

Using Your Imagination: How Imaginal Interweaves Help to Overcome Trauma

The Power of Rituals 

Embracing Your Internal Contradictions and Paradoxes 

Developing the Courage to Change

Being Open to New Experiences 

Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame

Shame is a painful emotion which is part of a deep sense of being flawed, unworthy and unlovable (see my article: Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame

Shame often stems from early childhood experiences of trauma including abuse and emotional neglect (see my article: What is the Difference Between Childhood Abuse and Neglect?).

Shame is feeling bad about who you are as opposed to guilt which is feeling bad about something you did (see my article: Understanding the Difference Between Guilt and Shame).

Core Concepts About Shame

• Childhood/Developmental Trauma: Abuse, neglect and punitive parenting often leads to long lasting feelings of inadequacy.

• The Internal Critic: Negative messages from parents and other authority figures are internalized. This creates the internal critic which devalues the individual and makes them feel ashamed of themself (see my article: Making Friends With Your Internal Critic).

Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame

• Cultural Expectations: An inability to meet cultural, societal or religious expectations can create feelings of shame.

• Fear of Disconnection: Shame is a response to the fear of being rejected by others. 

• Trauma and Mental Health: Shame is a common outcome of trauma. Shame is also at the root of many other mental health issues (see my article: Shame is at the Root of Most Emotional Problems).

• Social Media and Comparison: Social media can fuel shame through constant comparisons with regard to perceived shortcomings about looks, success or other issues (see my article: Comparison and Judgment Are the Thieves of Joy).

How is Self Acceptance an Antidote to Shame?

Self acceptance is an antidote to shame because it can dismantle a harsh inner critic as well as feelings of isolation and inadequacy.

By developing self acceptance you can overcome the toxic effects of shame.

Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame

You can also develop emotional resilience to develop a kinder, more loving relationship with yourself.

How to Develop Self Acceptance

There are many ways you can develop self acceptance including:

• Focusing on your strengths (see my article: Focusing on Your Strengths).

• Journaling to increase your self awareness and self compassion

Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame

• Develop an external perspective: Ask yourself what your best friend would say about you

• Meditation: Mindfulness meditation can help to deepen self awareness and compassion

Getting Help in Therapy

If self help strategies aren't working for you, consider getting help from a licensed mental health professional who is trained as a trauma therapist.

Self Acceptance as the Antidote to Shame

By working through unresolved trauma related to your feelings of shame, you can free yourself of your traumatic history so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience as a trauma therapist helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Build Your Self Esteem

What is Self Esteem?

Before we discuss how to build your self esteem, let's start by defining self esteem.

Building Your Self Esteem

Self esteem includes 

• A sense of self worth and value

• Self respect

• An overall sense of yourself

What Affects Your Self Esteem?

Your self esteem is shaped by many aspects including

• Early childhood experiences 

• Personal relationships and prior experiences

• Thoughts

• Relationships

• Motivation

• Resilience

• Acceptance of imperfections, mistakes and challenges

What Are the Key Aspects of Self Esteem?

• Self evaluation including your subjective thoughts and beliefs ("I am lovable" or "I am capable") and other feelings about yourself

Building Self Esteem

• A foundation of well-being that supports your mental health and relationships

What is the Difference Between Healthy Self Esteem vs Low Self Esteem?

Healthy Self Esteem: 

• You accept your strengths.

• You recognize areas where you need to improve and accept this with self compassion and without judgment.

• You are resilient to constructive criticism.

Low Self Esteem: 

• You experience self doubt.

• You might have a fear of failure. 

• You might engage in people-pleasing. 

• You might engage in negative self talk. 

• Other possible behavioral dynamics

How is Self Esteem Different From Self Confidence?

Self esteem and confidence are related; however, self esteem is your general sense of self worth and self confidence is usually related to certain skills.

For instance, your overall self esteem might be good, but you might feel less confident in your public speaking ability and more confident in your ability to solve problems.

How to Build Your Self Esteem

Building your self esteem includes:

A Healthy Mindset

• Practicing Self Compassion: Treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness you would treat a loved one. 

Building Self Esteem

• Challenge Negative Self Talk: Become aware of your inner critic and reframe negative thoughts into more realistic positive thoughts.

• Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Focus on your own journey and progress instead of comparing yourself (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

• Identify Your Strengths: Write down your strengths and focus on them.

Actions and Habits

• Set Achievable Goals: Start small and celebrate your victories as you build momentum to bigger goals (see my article: Celebrate Your Success).

• Engage in Enjoyable Activities: Engage in hobbies and activities you enjoy and you're good at.

Building Self Esteem

• Prioritize Self Care: Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, exercise at a pace that's right for you (see my article: Taking Time For Self Care).

• Be Assertive: Recognize the difference between healthy assertiveness and aggression (see my article: What is the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behavior?).

• Learn to set healthy boundaries and ask for what you need without guilt.

• Help Others: Volunteering and engaging in acts of kindness can give you a sense of purpose and meaning.

Relationships

• Choose Supportive People: Choose people who value you and treat you well.

Building Self Esteem

• Limit Negativity: Reduce your exposure to negative influences, including social media.

• Communicate With Trusted Loved Ones: Share your struggles with trusted loved ones to build connection and realize that others often struggle with the same problems.

Deeper Self Esteem

• Clarify Your Values: Understand what values matter to you (e.g., kindness, learning, connection and belonging).

• Take Action: Take steps to build your self esteem rather than waiting for it to happen.

Get Help in Therapy

If you have tried to build your self esteem and you feel stuck, rather than struggling alone, consider working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in helping clients to overcome obstacles that are getting in your way.

Get Help in Therapy

Building your self esteem can help you to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

With over 25 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Cultivating Hope During Uncertain Times

During uncertain times it's more important than ever to cultivate hope (see my article: Combining Hope With Meaningful Action).

Cultivating Hope During Uncertain Times

According to Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of Man's Search For Meaning, hope is a choice and a powerful force during the worst of times. 

He posited that everything can be taken away from an individual, but hope cannot be taken away (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life).

Cultivating Hope During Uncertain Times

Hope isn't contingent on external circumstances (see my article: Living With Uncertainty).  

Instead, hope is your own internal resolve and perspective. Hope requires a desire for a particular outcome and, even though that outcome isn't guaranteed, the act of hoping can strengthen your sense of resilience.

What Can You Do to Cultivate Hope During Uncertain Times?

To cultivate hope:

• Find Purpose and Meaning in Your Life: Engage in activities that give you a sense of purpose, meaning and joy (see my article: Finding Meaning and Purpose in Your Life After Trauma).

• Remember Your Successes From the Past: Remember the times in the past when you overcame challenges and allow those memories to motivate you.

Cultivating Hope During Uncertain Times

• Journal: Write down your thoughts, emotions, progress and insights along the way (see my article: Journaling Can Help Relieve Stress and Anxiety).

• Prioritize Connection and Community: Connecting with others who also want to cultivate hope can provide you with a sense of belonging and a community. Getting together with others can help build strong relationships and a collective sense of hope (see my article: The Need For Community and a Sense of Belonging).

• Seek Out Inspiration: Inspiration can come from others who have overcome whatever challenges you're facing. This could be people you know or you might find it in a story or biography about someone who overcame adversity.

• Challenge Your Negative Thoughts: Become aware of how your negative thoughts might be causing you to slip into a state of hopelessness and helplessness.  Don't allow your negative thoughts to spiral. Look for evidence, no matter how small, of a more hopeful outcome to problems (see my article: 5 Tips For Challenging Negative Thoughts).

• Reframe "What If" Thoughts: Instead of focusing on "What if I fail?" or "What if it all goes wrong?", reframe your thoughts to focus on what might be the silver lining in your situation (see my article: Developing a Different Perspective Through Reframing).

Cultivating Hope During Uncertain Times

• Take Small Steps: If the problem you're facing is big, take small and steady steps towards your goal so you can build momentum toward the bigger goal. 

• Celebrate Small Wins Towards Your Goal: Learn to celebrate small wins on your way to accomplishing your goal (see my article: How to Celebrate Your Progress).

• Practice Self Care: When you're going through uncertain times, you need to prioritize self care in ways that are meaningful to you. Eat well, get enough sleep and exercise at a level that's right for you to boost your mood (see my article: Taking the Time For Self Care).                        

Get Help in Therapy

If you are going through a particularly difficult time and self help strategies aren't enough, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Get Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that might be getting in your way so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Trauma Therapy: You Can't Change Your History But You Can Change Your Relationship to Your History So You Can Heal

Many people who are hesitant to get help to overcome the impact of their traumatic history think getting help in trauma therapy won't make a difference for them because it won't change what happened to them.

Trauma Therapy

How Can You Change Your Relationship to Your History of Trauma?

While it's true that you can't go back in time to change your history, you can heal in trauma therapy to reduce or eliminate the impact of traumatic experiences.

Transforming Trauma Into Resilience: Current modalities of trauma therapy can help you to transform trauma into resilience by:

• Acknowledging Your Feelings: Acknowledging the pain instead of suppressing it. This means feeling the pain and completing the trauma healing cycle. It does not include toxic positivity, which is not a genuine response to trauma.

• Developing a Support System: Instead of remaining isolated, you can develop a support system with trusted loved ones or support groups.

• Finding Meaning and Purpose: When you discover activities that align with your values, participating in these activities can provide you with motivation and a direction for your life (see my article: Posttraumatic Growth: Developing a Greater Sense of Hope and Meaning in the Aftermath of Trauma).

• Developing Better Coping Skills: Trauma therapy includes helping clients to develop better coping skills to manage emotions before and after processing trauma.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the capacity to recovery from stress and trauma rather than avoiding hardship (see my article: Developing Emotional Resilience).

Trauma Therapy

Genuine resilience also means finding new hope and growth after trauma rather than pretending to yourself and others that the trauma made you "stronger" when this isn't how you really feel.

What Are the Different Types of Trauma Therapy?

Safe and effective types of trauma therapy include:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

Trauma Therapy

• Somatic Experiencing
  

•  IFS (Internal Family Systems/Parts Work)

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

If you feel stuck due to your traumatic history, you're not alone.

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to process your traumatic history so you can live a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing working with individual adults and couples to overcome trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

How to Develop a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

Developing a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure can be challenging for many people for a variety of reasons which will be discussed in this article.

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

What Does It Mean to Have an Unhealthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure?

Before we look at what it means to have a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure, let's take a look at what it means to have an unhealthy relationship.

An unhealthy relationship to joy and pleasure often involves seeking external validation and engaging in unsustainable or damaging behavior:

• Dependence and Compulsion includes:

• Intermittent Reinforcement: Unhealthy relationships often include intermittent reinforcement of intense pleasure which are used to tolerate ongoing toxic and or manipulative behavior creating a cycle of dependency.

• Chasing the "High": Compulsive seeking of intense short-term pleasure which can lead to shame, guilt and other negative consequences.

• Imbalance and Exploitation includes:
• Using Others For Pleasure while neglecting their wishes and boundaries

• A Tendency to Prioritize Pleasure While Neglecting Emotional Intimacy and Genuine Connection: There is a tendency to avoid emotional intimacy which results in superficial relationships. The pursuit of pleasure offers only a temporary boost in happiness which creates an ongoing cycle of this dynamic. This creates emotional distance, possibly emotional numbing, loneliness and difficulty expressing emotions and only short term or casual relationships.

• Imposing Control and Having a Sense of Entitlement: Feeling entitled to pleasure without respecting a partner's wishes or boundaries

• Feeling Guilt and Shame: Guilt and shame get in the way of experiencing joy and pleasure

What Does It Mean to Develop a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure?

Developing a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure includes conscious practices including appreciation and presence:

• Practicing Mindfulness: Learning to savor joyous and pleasurable moments--no matter how small (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection and Mindfulness Meditation).

• Cultivating Gratitude: One way to cultivate gratitude is by keeping a gratitude journal.

• Making Meaningful Connections: Finding joy in helping others and investing in meaningful relationships rather than only seeking immediate gratification (see my article: Why Are Close Friendship Important?).

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Celebrating Small Wins: Acknowledging wins, no matter how small, including a completed task or a delicious meal, which can reinforce your experience of pleasure (see my article: Celebrating Small Wins).

• Balancing Joy and Purpose: Recognizing that, rather than seeing joy as a fleeting state, it can also be a deep, more resilient state of being connected to your purpose and values. 

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Developing Meaningful Connections With Others: Nurture connections rather than focusing on immediate gratification.

• Self Love and Self Care: Take responsibility for your own happiness. Prioritize your physical, emotional and psychological health.

• Emotional Resilience: Finding moments of happiness even during stressful times--not just in external circumstances (see my article: Developing Resilience).

Why Do Some People Struggle to Have a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure?

Many people feel guilty about allowing themselves to experience pleasure for various reasons including:

• Ingrained Cultural Beliefs About Joy and Pleasure: Many cultural beliefs link joy and pleasure to laziness, selfishness, and personal beliefs about feeling like they don't deserve to experience pleasure.

• Learned Beliefs: There might be learned beliefs from family history that links pleasure to selfishness and childishness, which makes the pursuit of pleasure seem wrong.

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Guilt and Shame: For many people pleasure feels like a dereliction of their obligations and responsibilities which engenders guilt and shame (see my article: Overcoming Shame).

• Lack of Self Worth: Many people feel they are not worthy of experiencing pleasure because of their own traumatic history (see my article: Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

• Fear of Being Judged: Some people fear that if they experience pleasure, others will judge them for it, but it's often their own internal critic that is involved  (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic).

• Other Personal and Societal Reasons: A variety of other reasons both personal and societal

How Can People Overcome Shame and Guilt About Enjoying Pleasure and Joy?

Working on overcoming shame and guilt about enjoying pleasure and joy can be challenging.

• Start By Identifying the Root Cause: Ask yourself what might have contributed to your negative relationship with pleasure and joy. Is it related to cultural issues, familial messages or other sources?

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Question the Story You're Telling Yourself: If you know the root of your problem, question your assumptions to see if they hold up in the light of day. Ask yourself what you would tell a loved one who struggled with this problem.

• Separate Self From Behavior: Move from self criticism to an objective assessment of your relationship with joy and pleasure.

• Seek Help in Therapy: If you have been unable to change a negative relationship with joy and pleasure, seek help in therapy.

Get Help in Therapy

An unhealthy relationship with pleasure and joy can be deeply rooted in your history and this problem can be difficult to overcome on your own. 

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that are getting in your way.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples and I have helped many clients to develop a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Glimmers Can Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

Savoring Pleasure

Sexual Self Discovery and Pleasure Mapping

Keeping an Erotic Journal For Sexual Self Discovery