How to Develop a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

Developing a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure can be challenging for many people for a variety of reasons which will be discussed in this article.

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

What Does It Mean to Have an Unhealthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure?

Before we look at what it means to have a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure, let's take a look at what it means to have an unhealthy relationship.

An unhealthy relationship to joy and pleasure often involves seeking external validation and engaging in unsustainable or damaging behavior:

• Dependence and Compulsion includes:

• Intermittent Reinforcement: Unhealthy relationships often include intermittent reinforcement of intense pleasure which are used to tolerate ongoing toxic and or manipulative behavior creating a cycle of dependency.

• Chasing the "High": Compulsive seeking of intense short-term pleasure which can lead to shame, guilt and other negative consequences.

• Imbalance and Exploitation includes:
• Using Others For Pleasure while neglecting their wishes and boundaries

• A Tendency to Prioritize Pleasure While Neglecting Emotional Intimacy and Genuine Connection: There is a tendency to avoid emotional intimacy which results in superficial relationships. The pursuit of pleasure offers only a temporary boost in happiness which creates an ongoing cycle of this dynamic. This creates emotional distance, possibly emotional numbing, loneliness and difficulty expressing emotions and only short term or casual relationships.

• Imposing Control and Having a Sense of Entitlement: Feeling entitled to pleasure without respecting a partner's wishes or boundaries

• Feeling Guilt and Shame: Guilt and shame get in the way of experiencing joy and pleasure

What Does It Mean to Develop a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure?

Developing a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure includes conscious practices including appreciation and presence:

• Practicing Mindfulness: Learning to savor joyous and pleasurable moments--no matter how small (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection and Mindfulness Meditation).

• Cultivating Gratitude: One way to cultivate gratitude is by keeping a gratitude journal.

• Making Meaningful Connections: Finding joy in helping others and investing in meaningful relationships rather than only seeking immediate gratification (see my article: Why Are Close Friendship Important?).

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Celebrating Small Wins: Acknowledging wins, no matter how small, including a completed task or a delicious meal, which can reinforce your experience of pleasure (see my article: Celebrating Small Wins).

• Balancing Joy and Purpose: Recognizing that, rather than seeing joy as a fleeting state, it can also be a deep, more resilient state of being connected to your purpose and values. 

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Developing Meaningful Connections With Others: Nurture connections rather than focusing on immediate gratification.

• Self Love and Self Care: Take responsibility for your own happiness. Prioritize your physical, emotional and psychological health.

• Emotional Resilience: Finding moments of happiness even during stressful times--not just in external circumstances (see my article: Developing Resilience).

Why Do Some People Struggle to Have a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure?

Many people feel guilty about allowing themselves to experience pleasure for various reasons including:

• Ingrained Cultural Beliefs About Joy and Pleasure: Many cultural beliefs link joy and pleasure to laziness, selfishness, and personal beliefs about feeling like they don't deserve to experience pleasure.

• Learned Beliefs: There might be learned beliefs from family history that links pleasure to selfishness and childishness, which makes the pursuit of pleasure seem wrong.

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Guilt and Shame: For many people pleasure feels like a dereliction of their obligations and responsibilities which engenders guilt and shame (see my article: Overcoming Shame).

• Lack of Self Worth: Many people feel they are not worthy of experiencing pleasure because of their own traumatic history (see my article: Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

• Fear of Being Judged: Some people fear that if they experience pleasure, others will judge them for it, but it's often their own internal critic that is involved  (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic).

• Other Personal and Societal Reasons: A variety of other reasons both personal and societal

How Can People Overcome Shame and Guilt About Enjoying Pleasure and Joy?

Working on overcoming shame and guilt about enjoying pleasure and joy can be challenging.

• Start By Identifying the Root Cause: Ask yourself what might have contributed to your negative relationship with pleasure and joy. Is it related to cultural issues, familial messages or other sources?

Developing a Healthy Relationship to Joy and Pleasure

• Question the Story You're Telling Yourself: If you know the root of your problem, question your assumptions to see if they hold up in the light of day. Ask yourself what you would tell a loved one who struggled with this problem.

• Separate Self From Behavior: Move from self criticism to an objective assessment of your relationship with joy and pleasure.

• Seek Help in Therapy: If you have been unable to change a negative relationship with joy and pleasure, seek help in therapy.

Get Help in Therapy

An unhealthy relationship with pleasure and joy can be deeply rooted in your history and this problem can be difficult to overcome on your own. 

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that are getting in your way.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples and I have helped many clients to develop a healthy relationship to joy and pleasure.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Glimmers Can Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

Savoring Pleasure

Sexual Self Discovery and Pleasure Mapping

Keeping an Erotic Journal For Sexual Self Discovery

What is Self Actualization and What Qualities Do Self Actualizers Possess?

Psychologist Abraham Maslow introduced the concept of the Hierarchy of Needs in the 1940s.  The Hierarchy of Needs was symbolized by a triangle of human needs.  

According to Maslow, from bottom to top those human needs consist of: 

• Physiological Needs: food, water, sleep
• Safety: home, security
• Love and Belonging: deeper, meaningful relationships
• Esteem: honor and recognition 
• Self Actualization: achieving your highest psychological potential

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

A Shift in Psychology

Maslow wanted to get away from focusing on abnormal psychology and development in order to focus on healthy human development, so his theory represented a shift in psychology.  He is considered to be part of Humanistic Psychology.

Maslow believed that people couldn't reach their highest potential, self actualization, until their other basic needs were met.  Later on, this concept that all the basic needs had to be fulfilled first was criticized as being too rigid.  

What is Self Actualization?

Self actualization is at the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.  

When people have achieved self actualization, according to Maslow, they have reached their highest level of psychological development.

Many experts now believe that self actualization is more about how open people are to personal growth and health rather than whether they have achieved success or happiness.

What Qualities Do Self Actualizers Possess?

According to Maslow, people who achieve self actualization have the following qualities:

• Self Awareness
• An Acceptance of Others
• A Focus on Personal Growth
• A Sense of Purpose
• A Creative Spirit
• Less Concern for Others' Opinions
• A Desire to Fulfill Their Potential
• An Ability to Judge People and Situations Correctly 
• An Ability to Exist Autonomously
• An Ability to Think Independently
• A Comfort With Solitude
• Deep Loving Bonds With Close Intimate Friends
• Compassion
• Peak Experiences (a heightened sense of wonder, awe and transcendence)

People who achieve self actualization don't necessarily stay at that stage.  They might go up and down the Hierarchy of Needs pyramid over the span of their lifetime.

Maslow believed that relatively few people became self actualizers, but there is still value in Maslow's theory, especially with regard to peak experiences.

My Next Article: Peak Experiences

I believe one of Maslow's most significant contributions to psychology was his concept of peak experiences, which I'll discuss in my next article: 

What Are Peak Experiences?

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Happy Life vs. a Meaningful Life

In my prior article, Are You Waiting For Happiness?, I focused on the issue of people waiting for a person, event or something else that is external for them to be happy.  

In this article, I'm discussing the issue I began to address in my prior article, happy life vs. a meaningful life (see my article: Living Authentically, Aligned With Your Values).

A Happy Life vs. a Meaningful Life

The Difference Happiness and Meaning in Your Life
Although many people have similar values, what's meaningful to one person can be very different from what is meaningful to another person with the same values.

What Research Says
A Stanford research study explored the differences between happiness and meaningfulness and discovered the following differences:

• Satisfying your desires can provide happiness, but it had nothing to do with a sense of meaningfulness.  The example that they gave was that a healthy person are usually happier than sick  people, but sick people's lives don't lack meaning.

• While happiness is about the present, meaningfulness links the past, present and the future.

• Interpersonal connections are important to both happiness and meaningfulness.  And, while spending time with casual friends might add to happiness, deep relationships, which require working on challenges, like family relationships, are more meaningful.

• People who have a high degree of meaningfulness in their lives often encounter negative issues, which can result in unhappiness.  One example given in the study is that raising children can give a sense of joy, but it's also connected to high stress, which can be meaningful but can also lead to unhappiness.  Another example is that while retirement can lead to happiness because people no longer have the pressure of their jobs, a sense of meaningfulness can drop.

• Meaningfulness is about expressing and defining yourself and your personal identity, whereas happiness is getting what you want.  A meaningful life is connected to a valued sense of self and your purpose your life and community.

• You can find meaning in life and still be unhappy.

• You can be happy and yet lack meaning in your life.

• Happiness without meaning often leads to a shallow and self-centered life.

• A meaningful life gives you a sense of purpose and direction where you are aligned with your values.

Getting Help in Therapy
Understanding what is meaningful to you is a process--it's not a one-time event that you settle once and for all.

In addition, what is meaningful to you at one stage in your life could be different from what it would be at a different stage as life changes and you continue to grow as a person.

Discovering what is meaningful to you can be challenging at various points in your life and might conflict with what might make you happy at the moment but would provide meaning in the long run.

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to identify what is important to you, help you to develop insight into yourself and work through these issues.

These are issues that most people struggle with at some point in their lives.  Rather than struggling alone, you could get help in therapy so you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist with over 20 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

Are you telling yourself that you're waiting for something to happen in your life in order for you to be happy? (see my articles: Redefining Happiness and Success, How to Stop Pretending to Feel Happy When You Don't, Are You Afraid to Allow Yourself to be Happy?

Whether this "something" is winning the lottery, accomplishing a long-term goal, meeting your soul mate or having a child, it's usually a mistake to place your happiness in the hands of someone else or in some external event (see my article: Living in the State of "If Only".

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

The problem is that whatever you've told yourself that you need in order to feel that you've finally "arrived" or that you'll finally be happy usually only brings the kind of happiness you're imagining for a short time while it's still a novelty, and then the usual dissatisfaction sinks in again.

Why is Happiness Fleeting?
When you fix your sights on some person or event in the future to make you happy, you're placing your happiness at some point in the future (see my article: What is Happiness and Where Do You Find It?).

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

Not only are you giving away your power, but you're also overlooking so many things that are happening right now that you're not appreciating (see my article: Keeping a Gratitude Journal).

The more you convince yourself that someone or something in the future will make you happy, the more likely it will be that you'll go around with blinders for the great things that are in the present.

It's not that you wouldn't be happy if you entered into a new relationship or accomplished a long-term goal or got a great job.  It's just that these things are external, and you're telling yourself that you're not enough.

It's like you're constantly waiting and, meanwhile, life is passing you by.

Having the mindset that you're waiting for something outside yourself for you to be happy sets up a pattern where you can keep thinking that you're waiting for the next thing and the next thing, and so on.

Also, you can be happy in the moment and still feel that your life lacks meaning, direction and purpose, which can lead to a shallow life.

A Fictionalized Vignette 

Mary:
Mary lived her life as a very goal oriented person.

She worked a full time job and went to college at night.  Because of her busy schedule, she didn't have a lot of time to socialize with friends.  Although this was lonely for her, she told herself that once she graduated college, she would be happy.

When she graduated college at the top of her class, Mary felt proud of herself for her accomplishment.  But, after a while, she realized that she didn't really feel happy, and the pride she felt wore off after a short time.

Are You Waiting for Happiness?

This was disappointing to her, but then she told herself that she would be happy once she got a good job, so she put all her time and effort into the job search.  Once again, she postponed being social and seeing friends because she thought that her happiness hinged on finding a great job.

After searching for a few months, Mary landed exactly the kind of job that she always dreamed about.  Once again, she was proud of herself for working so hard to get this job.

But after a few months, whatever positive feelings she felt wore off.  She realized that her job, although allowing her to be creative and being a good paying job, didn't really bring her happiness.  In fact, she felt a little empty inside after a while, which was disappointing.

Then, she decided that in order for her to be happy, she needed to be in a relationship with a man that she really loved, so she spent a lot of time on dating sites and she went out more on dates.

Dating was a little discouraging at first, but then she met a man that she really liked.  They dated for several months, realized that they were in love and made a commitment to be monogamous.

Mary was thrilled with her new boyfriend and looked forward to seeing him.  But a couple of years later, when she asked herself if she was really happy, she realized that some of the initial excitement that she felt had worn off.

Although she loved him and she knew that he loved her, she wasn't as happy as she thought she would be, and this was very disappointing to her.  She couldn't understand it--she had all the things that she thought she would need to make her happy, but she still wasn't truly happy. Something was missing.

Mary's awareness that she wasn't feeling as happy as she had anticipated threw her into a tailspin.  She felt that something must really be wrong with her if she didn't feel happy now.

It wasn't that she was unhappy--she just didn't have that feeling that she thought she would have that she "arrived" in her life.

 Soon after that, Mary started therapy to deal with the emotional crisis she was struggling with.

After a few months in therapy where she explore her feelings, Mary realized that she had a narrow definition of happiness and that in most people's lives happiness is fleeting.  She also realized that there isn't any one thing or person that will create the feeling of happiness in her.

"So," she told her therapist, "if happiness is fleeting, what is it that I really want?  What makes a good life?"

Over time, as Mary continued to explore and reflect on her feelings, she realized that what she really wanted was to have a meaningful life, but she wasn't sure what that meant (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life).

Mary and her therapist continued to explore what that meant for Mary.  It wasn't a quick or smooth process, but Mary felt like she was finally focusing on what really mattered to her.

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

Gradually, Mary began to define her core values and what she considered to be meaningful.  She also started to see the difference between having a "happy life" and having a "meaningful life."

She realized that it wasn't realistic to expect to feel happy all the time, but she could strive to live a meaningful life by being true to her core values.

She also learned to develop an appreciation for the here-and-now rather than always focusing on the future.  In doing so, she realized that she had a lot to be grateful for and this was a lot more meaningful to her than waiting for an illusive sense of happiness at some point in the future.

In my next article, I'll discuss the difference between happiness and meaningfulness and why it's important to understand the difference for your sense of well-being.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you've lived your whole life waiting to be happy, you can find it challenging to understand why the things you thought would bring you lasting happiness don't.  It can also be difficult to change your way of thinking.

Getting Help in Therapy

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to explore your way of thinking, the patterns you have developed over time, and how to make changes to lead a more fulfilling life (see my article: How Talking to a Psychotherapist is Different From Talking to a Friend and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

This is a common problem that many people have, which is reinforced by our culture, so it is often deeply ingrained.

Stepping outside your normal way of thinking can be difficult, but with the help of an experienced mental health professional, you can develop a more meaningful life.


About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Happiness and Where Do You Find it?

As far back as the ancient Greeks and beyond, people have been asking the question, "What is happiness?"  The journalist, Eric Weiner, has written a book called The Geography of Bliss where he travels around the world in his quest to discover what happiness is and if there are certain countries where most people are happy.  

What is Happiness and Where Do You Find It?

His travels take him to the Netherlands; Switzerland; Bhutan, where they keep track of Gross National Happiness instead of Gross Domestic Product; Qatar, the richest country in the world; Iceland; Moldova; Thailand, Great Britain and India.  

The Geography of Bliss is well written, thought provoking, enlightening and entertaining. As Weiner travels from one country to the next, asking people about their happiness, their culture and philosophy of life, he experiences different ways of life and engages in his own self exploration.

I won't spoil the book by giving it away. But if you've ever asked yourself the question:  "What is happiness?," I recommend that you read this book The Geography of Bliss - One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World.

"Are You Happy?"
It's interesting that when someone asks you, "Are you happy?," it becomes a difficult question to answer.  It might even make you feel uncomfortable.  Often, people respond to this question by not even being sure what happiness is.  How do you know if you're happy?  Is it a state of mind?  Is it too elusive to gauge?

Will Having Lots of Money Make You Happy?
Many people are sure they'd be happy if they had a lot of money.  And, since many people feel this way, social scientists have been curious about the possible connection, so there has been a lot of research about happiness and money.

As you might guess, based on this research, it seems that you need to have at least enough money so you feel comfortable (however you measure that).

Most people who are struggling in dire poverty find it difficult to be happy.  But, beyond feeling comfortable, the happiness that people feel initially after they've either inherited a lot of money or won millions in the lottery is short lived.  So, more isn't always better.  In fact, there have been many stories of people who won millions who end up feeling miserable.

What Makes Us Happy Can Change Over the Course of a Lifetime
For most of us, the answer to "What is happiness?" changes over the course of a lifetime.  When you're a child, happiness is getting a new toy (at least for a while, until you get tired of it).


When you're a teenager, you might imagine that happiness would be getting away from your parents, having your own place and your independence.  When you're in your 20s and 30s, happiness might be succeeding in your career.

Meaning and Purpose in Your Life
Ask 100 people what happiness is to them, and you'll get at least 101 different answers.  For many people, happiness is finding meaning and purpose outside of themselves, something that is bigger than they are.  This might be their religion or their spirituality.

For others, happiness means having loving family and friends.  For others, happiness is knowing that they are rooted in a long line of ancestors and the family line will continue beyond them.

What is happiness to you?  I would love to hear your responses.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome obstacles that keep them from leading a fulfilling life.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Listening to Your Inner Voice to Discover Your "Calling" in Life

People often come to therapy because they feel like they're just drifting through their lives, but they sense somewhere deep down that there's something more that they want, but they just haven't found it yet.  Some people describe this as finding their purpose in life.  To me, it means the same thing, but I like to think of it as finding your "calling" in life because I feel there's an inner voice in everyone that knows what this "calling" is, if we would just learn to listen.

Listening to Your Inner Voice to Discover Your "Calling" in Life

What is a "Calling"?
Often, when people hear the words "finding your calling in life," they think of a religious "calling."  And while you might feel drawn to a religious calling, it can also be so many other things, and it doesn't necessarily have to be your job.  Your job might be working in an office, but your passion might be volunteering on the weekends to work with children.  Or, you might feel a passion to write poetry or play music.

Your Inner Voice Knows Intuitively What's Right For You
To hear and really listen to your inner voice, that voice that knows intuitively what's right for you, you need to get quiet and open yourself to your inner voice.  Many people discover their inner voice through meditation.  I've found meditation to be especially helpful to hearing my inner voice.  I've found my dreams to be even more helpful because the unconscious speaks to us in our sleep.  Over the years, since I began keeping a dream journal, I've noticed recurring dreams with certain themes that have given me new insights.  I've also discovered fascinating synchronicities between my dream life and my ordinary waking life.  Many people have told me that they've had similar experiences.

What Happens When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Voice
Sometimes, our inner voice is clear as to our "calling" in life, but we don't listen.  When I was a teenager, I developed an interest in psychoanalytic literature, especially books by Karen Horney, who was an influential neo-Freudian analyst who dared to challenge Freud.  I devoured her books, and early on, I wanted very much to become a psychoanalyst.  But, then, in my 20s, as I've mentioned in prior blog posts, I thought I should do something more "practical."  I left the Liberal Arts program and went to a business college.  Even though I disliked and felt very hemmed in by the courses, I pushed myself to continue there for a while because I thought this was the "practical" thing to do.

It took me a while to realize that I wasn't following my "calling" in life and I needed to get back to what I needed to do.  I mention this because, having gone through this experience myself, I have a lot of compassion for other people who struggle with finding their purpose or "calling" in life.  Also, having gone through my own experience, I know that it's also possible to transform your life by listening to your inner voice.

Eventually, I became a Masters level social worker and did my postgraduate psychoanalytic training.  A few years later, I discovered that, although I love psychoanalysis, I needed other tools to help psychotherapy clients because psychodynamic psychotherapy didn't help to heal all psychotherapy clients.

By listening to my inner voice, I trained in EMDR, clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing as well as Embodied Imagination dream work, and discovered new ways of working with clients that brought about deeper healing experiences for them.

Listening to Your Inner Voice and Self Exploration Can Lead to a More Fulfilling Life
If you feel like you're drifting through life without having discovered your purpose or "calling" yet, you owe it to yourself to begin a self exploration that can lead to a more fulfilling life.  As I've mentioned, I believe this starts by listening to your inner voice.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Search For Inner Meaning

Many people approaching their mid-life and beyond begin to search for the inner meaning to their lives. 

This search for inner meaning can be a time of confusion and doubt and it can also be an enriching time of personal growth and greater satisfaction with life.

A Search For Inner Meaning

Much depends on how you approach this time, your attitude, and what's going on for you at the time. When clients come to see me about this development in their lives, I usually encourage them to see it as "a process rather than an event," a concept borrowed from the 12 Step programs, as their process unfolds.

During this personal search for inner meaning, a question that often comes up is:  What is happiness?  Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.  

But people often find that what they thought would make them happy:  more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car, and other expensive acquisitions, brings them a surge of gratification that is short lived.  

Once that surge is gone, another surge requires another, possibly bigger and better purchase, to create the next experience of excitement. And on and on it goes, requiring more and greater quick fixes to excitement.

But is this really happiness?

Book:  The Secrets of Happiness - Three Thousand Years of Searching for the Good Life
I've been very curious about the history and different cultural views about happiness and inner meaning.

While I was reading The Geography of Bliss - One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner, I came across a reference to the book, The Secrets of Happiness - Three Thousand Years of Searching for the Good Life by Professor Richard Schoch.

Professor Schoch is a professor of History at the University of London, and director of their Graduate School in Humanities and Social Sciences.

In his book, he explores three thousand years of history about people from various times, from the ancient Greeks to modern times, and how happiness and the good life were defined during those periods.

This includes philosophical and spiritual beliefs of the Utilitarians, the Epicureans, Hinduism, Buddhism, the Stoics, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, an how their beliefs relates to their definitions of happiness.

I've been enjoying reaching Professor Schoch's thought-provoking book, which is written in an accessible way (available as an e-book).

I was surprised to discover how, people's perception of happiness have changed dramatically over time.  I won't write any spoilers here, but I recommend that, if this is a topic that interests you, you read Professor Schoch's book.

I think you'll be in for a treat and might even question how you define happiness and inner meaning for yourself.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Psychotherapy and Spirituality

Searching for Meaning and Purpose
During this holiday season, amid the noise and haste, it's the time of year when many people search for meaning and purpose in their lives . Some people approach these questions through their spiritual practice. Others consult with psychotherapists. And many use both their spiritual practice and their psychotherapy sessions to explore these important questions. Psychotherapy and spirituality approach these existential questions in different ways . And yet, there is significant overlap between psychotherapy and spiritual questions.

Psychotherapy and Spirituality

People usually go to psychotherapists when they're in emotional pain. It might be an immediate crisis, a longstanding problem, grief, loss or trauma that brings them to a psychotherapist office. Whatever the initial problem might be, often, questions about the meaning and purpose of their lives becomes a part of the treatment. Most people want to feel they're leading meaningful lives, and when they're in emotional crisis, doubts and fears can arise about the direction of their lives. If they're in a particularly difficult life transition, they might question their goals and priorities. The loss of a loved one can test their faith in themselves, humankind, and their God or Higher Power.

Psychotherapy and spirituality both address these issues. As a psychotherapist, I help clients to navigate through these complex and vital questions. As I see it, part of the psychotherapist's job is to help clients to search for and find meaning in their lives. Just living from day to day without purpose or meaning isn't satisfying for most people. Yet, finding purpose and meaning can be elusive. Although emotional crisis can throw us off balance, it can also open us up to new possibilities, including transitions that help us define who we are as individuals and who we want to be.

When I refer to spirituality, I use that term in its broadest sense. For some people, spirituality means a formal religion. For others, it might be the sense of transcendence they feel in nature, music, art, their A.A. meetings or the love they feel for their families or for humankind. However you define spirituality, what all of these things have in common is they give us a sense that there's something greater than ourselves that we're responding to and from which we feel nurtured.

A Purpose-Filled Life

As I see it, it doesn't matter how each of us defines our particular spirituality because, however we see it, the root of it is the same. A purpose-filled life is a life with meaning, hope and direction. It provides us with an internal compass to help us during troubled times. As a psychotherapist, I often help people to find or reclaim their purpose in life. Many clients come to me to explore transpersonal questions in their lives. For some, they're searching for a way to express their yearning for spirituality that might be different from what they might have grown up with as children. Or, they might want to reclaim the spirituality they grew up with, but explore their beliefs as adults with an adult understanding to spiritual questions. As a psychotherapist who is not a minister or spiritual leader, my job isn't to lead them in any particular spiritual direction. Rather, my job as a psychotherapist, is to help them to find the answers within themselves, whatever they might be.

During the early days of Freudian psychoanalysis, in my opinion, a false dichotomy developed between psychotherapy and spirituality. I think that was very unfortunate. However, more and more, psychotherapists who work in a more client-centered, contemporary way are seeing that there is significant overlap between psychotherapy and spirituality. A holistic approach to psychotherapy includes an understanding that mind, body and spirit come together in each person, even though they are expressed in many different ways and on different paths.

I believe psychotherapists can be instrumental in helping clients find meaning and purpose in their lives. Psychotherapists can also learn a great deal by listening to clients as they explore these existential questions.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. I work with individuals and couples. My approach is holistic, and I emphasize the mind-body connection. 

I provide psychotherapeutic services, including psychodynamic psychotherapy, EMDR therapy, hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP therapy, and Emotionally Focused couple therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Power of Starting the Day with a Positive Intention

How you start each morning often sets the tone for the rest of your day. Starting the day with a particular intention that is meaningful to you is a powerful way to begin your day.

The Power of Starting Your Day With a Positive Intention

What is Meaningful to You?
Your intention can be whatever is meaningful to you--having a peaceful day, opening up to new possibilities, feeling more confident, improving an aspect of your relationship, developing your intuition, enhancing your creativity or taking a step towards realizing one of your goals.

Often, people have only a vague sense about their intentions. They might need inspiration to help them get clear about what they want.

Starting the day by reading an inspirational passage in a book, reading poetry, listening to music, meditating, praying, taking a yoga class, exercising, or taking a walk can help to inspire you to set an intention for your day.

Writing down your intention can also help to define and clarify your intention.

Find Ways to Act Upon Your Intention
As you go through your day, think about your intention and find ways to act upon it. So, for instance, if your intention for the day is to bring more serenity into your life, ask yourself what you can do to make that happen on this day.

If this is your intention, can you take a few minutes at lunch time to close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing? Can you pay attention to the quality of your interactions with others and ask yourself if you're communicating in a way that creates the serenity that you want in your relationships?

Reflect Upon Your Intention At the End of the Day
It's also helpful at the end of the day to reflect on your intention and ask yourself if you were able to manifest what you wanted. If you did, that's great. And if you didn't, rather than berate yourself, think about what you might have done without judging yourself harshly.

Having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life can enhance your sense of self and help improve your relationships. Starting each day with an intention that is important to you can help you to achieve your goals, feel more empowered, and improve your overall sense of well being.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.  I have assisted many clients to discover their intentions and develop more meaningful lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.