How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

The first step in quieting your overthinking mind is becoming aware of what you're worrying about and how it's affecting you.

How is Your Overthinking Mind Affecting You?

Worrying can take a toll on your physical and mental well-being.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

Take a step back and notice your thought patterns. When you have a moment to yourself, do you use it to relax or do something you enjoy or do you engage in repetitive thinking where you worry about whether you forgot to perform a task or if you overestimated how much someone likes you or something else you worry about?

If you tend to engage in worrying, notice how it affects your mood and how it affects your life. What's the primary emotion behind your overthinking? Are you feeling irritable, nervous or guilty? 

Being aware of the effect of overthinking also includes having bodily awareness. This means you notice your bodily responses, which might include tense shoulders, feeling tightness in your chest or clenching in your stomach--just to give a few possible examples.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

When you're aware of how you're thinking and the impact it's having on you, you have a better chance of changing it.

What Are Some Tips to Stop Overthinking?

• Distract Yourself With An Activity You Enjoy: Go to your favorite workout class or take up a new hobby. Whatever you choose, make it something that will occupy your mind.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Breathe: Learn square breathing to calm yourself. This can also take your mind off whatever you're ruminating about.  

• Meditate: Mindfulness meditation can help you to quiet your mind and be in the present moment rather than worrying about other things.

• Develop a Broader Perspective: To gain perspective on non-urgent matters, ask yourself if you will care about this non-urgent matter in five or ten years. By gaining a broader perspective, you can learn to prioritize other matters that are more important.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Help Others: Rather than worrying, consider helping others. For instance, your friend who has a young child might appreciate a break if you watch her child. You can also volunteer to help those less fortunate than yourself.

• Learn to Reframe Your Negative Thoughts: Instead of going to the worst case scenario, reframe your thoughts to consider possible positive outcomes (see my article: Develop a Different Perspective Through Reframing).

• Validate Yourself For Your Successes: Instead of focusing on things you feel you didn't get right or things you worry about not getting right in the future, acknowledge and validate your successes--no matter how small (see my article: What is Self Validation?).

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Take Action: Instead of worrying about the things you have done or haven't done, take action to do things you can take care of now. This can be empowering and give you a sense of accomplishment.

• Embrace Your Fears: Learn to accept that some things will always be out of your control and, instead of trying to push your fears away, embrace them.

How to Quiet Your Overthinking Mind

• Practice Self Compassion: Shift your thoughts and feelings from worrying to practicing self compassion.

Get Help in Therapy: 

If you have been unable to quiet your overthinking mind with self help tips, consider getting help in therapy. 

Get Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to stop overthinking so you can live a more fulfilling life,

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

I'm discussing  triggers from a different perspective than how I usually discuss them as a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

What Are Triggers?

Therapists, especially trauma therapists, tend to focus on trauma triggers because it's helpful for traumatized clients to know how to recognize and cope with triggers. But it's also important to recognize happiness triggers to add to the quality of your life.

Although the word "trigger" tends to have a negative connotation, psychologically speaking, triggers are neither negative or positive. Triggers are experiences that evoke memories. 

What Are Happiness Triggers?

Happiness triggers refers to rituals and routines we engage in to tap into positive memories and cultivate positive experiences.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

The term "happiness triggers" is usually associated with Valorie Burton, life coach, author and motivational speaker.

What Are the Benefits of Discovering Your Happiness Triggers?

Discovering your happiness triggers can be a way of starting new positive habits because these triggers are associated with positive experiences and they can motivate you to develop positive habits.

Happiness triggers can also serve as an anchor in your life.

When happiness triggers evoke positive experiences, they access positive memories that are neurochemically wired in your brain.  

Happiness triggers can also help to pull you out of a funk when you're feeling low.

How to Develop Happiness Triggers

Happiness triggers are based on individual experiences, memories, needs, interests and values so they will be unique for each person.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

To discover your own unique happiness triggers, start by thinking about the small things in your life in the present or in the past that lift your mood and energy. It can be as simple as the ritual of having your morning coffee or tea, listening to your favorite podcast, taking a walk in the park and so on.

If you're still unsure, practice being present in the moment to experiences that bring you joy. Pay attention to your bodily experiences when you experience memories that were joyful or  evoke a sense of well-being.

Happiness Triggers Require Practice

Once you have discovered your unique happiness triggers, you need to practice them over and over again in order to develop them into positive habits.

These new habits can include behavioral, cognitive (thinking) or emotional triggers.

Behavioral Happiness Triggers

Behavioral happiness might include:

• Exercising

• Yoga
  

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

• Going for a walk in nature

• Dancing

• Listening to music

• Performing an act of kindness for someone

• Reading a favorite book

• Engaging in a favorite hobby

Cognitive (Thinking) Happiness Triggers

Cognitive happiness triggers might include:

• Reframing negative thoughts with positive self talk or affirmations

• Making friends with your inner critic

• Recalling and re-experiencing positive memories and experiences

• Practicing mindfulness meditation
  

Emotional Happiness Triggers

• Practicing gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal

• Practicing acceptance and self compassion

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

• Engaging your five senses (sight, sound, taste, smell and touch)

• Getting a massage

• Getting a manicure

• Playing a sport

• Connecting or reconnecting with a friend or loved one

Conclusion

Developing and practicing happiness triggers can increase your sense of joy and well-being.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

You can also discover happiness triggers by connecting to your inner world and connecting to a loved one to discover what is most meaningful and fulfilling to you.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Care During Turbulent Times

Self care is important in the best of times, but it's especially important during turbulent and stressful times whether it involves stress in your personal life or beyond (see my article: Post Election Stress and Anxiety).

Self Care During Turbulent Times

Many people think self care is selfish, but this couldn't be further from the truth. 

In fact, self care is essential to everyone's well-being (see my article: Is Self Care Selfish?).

What Does Self Care During Turbulent Times Mean?

Self care during turbulent and stressful times means engaging in behavior that prioritizes your physical and emotional health including:

• Health Eating: Nutritious meals and good hydration

• Regular Exercise: Exercise which is appropriate for you like walking, running, yoga and other similar activities (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Can Yoga Improve Your Mood?)

• Good Sleep: At least 8 hours to recharge your mind and body (see my article: Tips For Improving Your Sleep)

Self Care: Good Sleep

• Mindfulness Meditation (see my article: Mindfulness Meditation to Reduce Stress and Anxiety)

Self Care: Meditation and Breathing Exercises

• Breathing Exercises (see my article: What is Square Breathing?)

• Journaling to Process Your Feelings (see my article: Journaling to Cope With Stress and Anxiety)

Self Care: Journaling

• Maintaining Social Connections (see my article: Overcoming Loneliness and Social Isolation)

Self Care: Maintaining Social Connections

How to Approach New Self Care Habits

• Be Flexible: New habits can take a while to develop, so strive to be consistent, but also be flexible instead of trying to be perfect (see my article:  Overcoming Perfectionism).

Self Care: Be Flexible and Start Small

• Start Small: Start small and progress in a manageable way over time. 

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're struggling with problems you have been unable to resolve on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to work through unresolved issues, so rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can lead a more meaningful life.

Also see my article: Developing Calmness and Balance During Stressful Times

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

    See my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Developing Calmness and Balance During Stressful Times

One of the biggest challenges for many people is developing mental and emotional calmness and balance during stressful times.  This is why it's so important to learn to understand and develop equanimity (see my article: Living a Balanced Life).

Developing Equanimity During Stressful Times

What is Equanimity?

Equanimity is defined as the capacity for calmness, composure and even-temperedness--even in highly stressful times (see my article: Living With Uncertainty).

The metaphor of a sailboat which remains upright in turbulent waters is often used to describe equanimity. The sails might sway in the storm, but they remain centered.

Staying Centered During Stressful Times

Equanimity doesn't mean passivity, indifference or resignation. It means finding your inner balance.

Equanimity also doesn't mean that once you have found your internal centered place that you won't take appropriate action to improve a stressful situation.

For instance, if you angry and disappointed about a particular social justice issue, you can participate in social justice activism for the equal rights and opportunities of all people and, at the same time, maintain a sense of equanimity (more about this below).

How to Practice Equanimity During Stressful Times

• Start With Self Awareness: When things go wrong or times are stressful, it's easy to get stuck in the Blame Game and point a finger at others. And, while it might be true that others have contributed to your stressful situation, you need to first be aware of how you're feeling and responding to the situation. There's a difference between responding and reacting (see my article: Awareness and Self Acceptance).

• Acceptance to Begin Wherever You Are: You can begin wherever you are mentally, physically and emotionally by accepting where you are right now in the moment. The concept of acceptance can be confusing, especially when you're in a highly stressful situation. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up, being indifferent or numbing yourself. Acceptance means that you acknowledge the situation and how you're feeling in the here-and-now. You're not stuck in the past or projecting too far into the future. Before you can get to a state of acceptance, you need to feel all your feelings internally. Then, if you need to express your feelings, do it in a calm and even way. If you can't do that in the moment, wait until you can. Then, you can be in the here-and-now whatever that means for you (see my articles: Welcoming All Emotions and Acceptance and Self Compassion).

• Develop Ways to Calm and Center Yourself: Find ways to calm and center yourself that work for you. This could include grounding techniques, breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation.

Developing Ways to Calm and Center Yourself

• Take Constructive Action to Feel Empowered: If you're anxious or feeling powerless, find ways to take constructive action so you feel empowered. Being proactive might mean different things in different situations. It might mean you take constructive action to deal with your anxiety by walking or exercising at a level that's appropriate for you. It might also mean seeking help from a licensed mental health professional. If you're upset about a social justice issue, you might volunteer with a large advocacy group to feel you're making a difference and to be around other like-minded individuals (xee my article: Living Authentically).

• Recognize You're Not "Perfect": Although these steps are presented in a linear way, the reality is that you might go through these steps in many different ways because progress isn't linear. Progress is often more like a spiral than a straight line. So, you might become more self aware, accept how things are in the moment, calm yourself and take constructive action--only to find yourself temporarily stuck in your own inertia. If this is your experience, accept it and begin again--no matter how many times you have to remind yourself of these steps. Repeating these steps where you are in any given moment helps you over time to progress--even if you take two steps forward and one step back each time. Be kind to yourself (see my articles: Overcoming Perfectionism and Perfectionism and Shame).

• Get Emotional Support: Supportive friends and loved ones can help you so you don't feel alone. Even if you feel that talking about your situation might not make a difference, talking often makes a difference in relieving stress. 

• Get Help in Therapy: If the situation is beyond the support of loved ones or you want additional support, consider getting help from a licensed mental health professional who can help you through the process while you develop the necessary tools and strategies you need. This can be especially important if your current situation is triggering unresolved trauma from the past.

Also see my articles:

Finding the Quiet Place Within Yourself

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

For over 20 years, I have helped many clients to overcome painful and stressful situations so they can lead more fulfilling lives (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Are Peak Experiences?

In my prior article, What is Self Actualization and What Qualities Do Self Actualizers Possess?, I began a discussion about Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs with an emphasis on self actualizers and their characteristics.  

Peak Experiences

What Are Peak Experiences?

According to Maslow, peak experiences play an important part in self actualization, which is the focus of this article.  He believed peak experiences make it possible to experience your true self (see my article: Becoming Your True Self).

Although Maslow believed that self actualization is rare, he believed that it's possible for people to have peak experiences.

Peak experiences are transcendent moments of joy, elation, awe, ecstasy or wonder (see my article: Seeing Small Wonders All Around Us If We Just Take the Time to Notice).

These are exceptional experiences that stand out from other experiences and often include:

• A sense of fulfillment
• A significant experience that increases awareness, possibly a turning point in life
• A spiritual sense of being at one with the world

When Do Peak Experiences Occur?

Peak experiences often occur while: 

• Working on a creative project
• Spending time in nature
• Watching a sunset
• Falling in love
• Making love
• Having an orgasm
• Meditating
  
• Having a lucid dream
• Having an intuitive dream or experience (see my article: Dream Incubation)
• Feeling the rapture of music
• Feeling moved by a work of art
• Experiencing synchronicities
• Experiencing a sense of flow while dancing or moving
• Spending time with close family and friends
• Participating in a spiritual practice
• Participating in sports and being "in the zone"
• Engaging in an enjoyable activity where you have a sense of flow
• Helping someone in need
• Achieving a challenging goal
• Feeling triumphant after overcoming a challenge

What Do Peak Experiences Feel Like?

People often describe peak experiences as altered states of consciousness where they feel euphoric.  

Maslow described peak experiences as experiencing the highest state of happiness.  

During peak experiences people often describe their experience as surrendering to something greater than themselves.  

For instance, standing on a beach and experiencing the vastness of the ocean, you can feel the power and beauty of the ocean. You can also experience how small you are compared to this large body of water.  You might also feel a sense of oneness with the ocean as you watch the ebb and flow of the waves.

Often there is a loss of time and space as you merge with your surroundings.  For instance, if you are stargazing, you can sense the timelessness of the experience as you appreciate the beauty.  

Past, present and future can together for you in that moment.

Identifying Your Own Personal Peak Experiences

In order to understand the personal meaning of peak experiences in your life, think back to times in your life that were transcendent and meaningful.  

It might have been for only a moment, but these memories usually stand out.

Peak experiences often occur when people are intentional and have a sense of purpose.  Maybe you were having fun at the time with others. Or you maybe you were alone when you had a meaningful experience that changed your perspective.

Peak experiences also occur when you have a sense of deep fulfillment.  So, you can think back to times in your life when you felt especially fulfilled and joyous.

Why It's Important to Identify Peak Experiences From Your Past

Peak experiences can be life changing.  

When you identify the types of experiences that gave you a sense of wonder, awe and transcendence, you become aware of the most meaningful times in your life.

By identifying these powerful moments in your life, you can get a sense of what's most important to you and how these experiences enhance your life.

In addition, you'll get a sense of what inspires these moments for you so that you can enjoy more peak experiences as you can become more attuned to them.

For instance, if you had a sense of purpose and fulfillment when you did artwork, but you gave up doing artwork, you'll realize how important that work was to your sense of well-being. You might also realize you want to make time to do artwork to have those experiences again.

You might also remember other times when you felt most alive, in a state of flow, and consider how you can have other similar experiences.

An example of that might be a meditation practice.  You might remember a time when you went into a deep trance state when you felt at one with the world.  If you have stopped meditating and you remember how fulfilling it was for you, you might want to resume meditation.  

Can You Create Peak Experiences?

Peak experiences are often spontaneous.  They can be momentary or last hours or days.  

I believe you can prime yourself for having peak experiences if you're aware of these heightened states from the past, you're open to experiencing these states again and you cultivate the mindset, circumstances and environment that could inspire peak experiences.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?

The words "fear" and "anxiety" are often used interchangeably.  While fear and anxiety often occur together, they're not the same.

What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?
While fear is an emotional response to a known threat, anxiety is more of a vague feeling of apprehension.  Anxiety can also be a response to an unknown threat.  

For instance, with regard to fear, if someone approaches you in an aggressive and menacing way, your response will be one of fear.  This person is a specific, real, present and immediate possible danger.

What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?

Anxiety is often about an anticipated event.  

For instance, if you're afraid of flying and you have an upcoming flight, you will probably feel anxious about the upcoming flight.  When you're on the plane, you will experience fear because it's happening in the here and now.

The distinctions between fear and anxiety might be subtle, but it will help you to be able t distinguish the difference.

Symptoms of Anxiety:
Anxiety can cause some or all of the following symptoms:

• muscle pain and tension
• headaches
• insomnia
• chest pain
• excessive sweating
• shaking and trembling
• racing heart
• upset stomach
• irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
• panic
• dizziness
• feeling faint

Fear can cause anxiety and vice versa.

Fear and Anxiety Produce a Stress Response
Both fear and anxiety produce the fight or flight response.  The reason this is an important automatic response is because if you were in real danger, this response would help you to survive.

For instance, if you were on a path and you saw a snake, your automatic response would be to jump away before you even thought about it.  In times of danger, you don't want to stop to think--you need to react quickly to protect yourself.  Even a microsecond can make a difference in a dangerous situation.

On the other hand, if, after you had the flight response, you realized that what you thought was a snake was actually a stick, your body would start to calm down because you no longer need to flee.

There is also the freeze response which occurs when you can neither fight nor flee (see my article: Overcoming the Freeze Response).

Self Help Tips For Coping With Fear and Anxiety
There are certain things that you can do to overcome fear and anxiety.  See my articles:

Journal Writing to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
Learning to Stay Calm During Stressful Times
Finding Inner Peace During Uncertain Times
Self Care: Feeling Entitled to Take Care of Yourself
The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation
Self Reflection and Basic Mindfulness
Research Shows That Meditation Can Change Your Brain
Learning to Relax: Square Breathing
Staying Calm When You're in the Middle of Chaos
Finding Moments of Peace During Stressful Times
Self Soothing Techniques to Use When You're Feeling Distressed
Learning to Relax: Going on an Internal Retreat
Discovering the Quiet Place Within Yourself

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're suffering with chronic fear or anxiety, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional, who has experience helping clients to overcome fear and anxiety (see my articles: Psychotherapy For Anxiety Disorders and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Rather than struggling on your own, you could learn how to overcome your fear or anxiety, so you could lead a calmer, more peaceful life with a sense of well-being.

If your fear and anxiety is related to unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a psychotherapist who specializes in treating trauma.

A trauma therapist is a licensed psychotherapist who is specialist trained specifically in helping clients to overcome both trauma related to one-time events as well as developmental trauma, which is repeated trauma and loss from childhood. 

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT for couples,  Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article:  The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I have helped many clients to overcome their fear and anxiety (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Mindfulness Meditation Can Help to Reduce Anxiety

In my last two articles, I focused on how to reduce anxiety (see my articles: Self Help Tips For Anxiety and Getting Help in Therapy For Anxiety).  In the current article, I'm focusing specifically on how mindfulness can help to reduce anxiety (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Calming the Mind, Calming the Body).

Mindfulness Meditation Can Help to Reduce Anxiety

What is Mindfulness Meditation?

Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present in the here-and-now (see my article: Living Fully Present in the Moment).

Being present in a mindful way includes:

• Body Awareness:  Body awareness includes being aware of physical sensations in your body as well as your internal emotional state.  When you have developed this ability, you can regulate your emotions more effectively.

• Focused Attention:  When you develop the ability to focus and pay attention, you can focus on yourself or a task you are engaged in rather than getting distracted.  

• Self Perception:  Practicing mindfulness can also change how you see yourself.  There is some research indicating that mindfulness can increase your self esteem as well as self compassion.

• Physical Health: Mindfulness meditation can reduce blood pressure and the stress hormone known as cortisol, which makes it a potentially effective way to reduce your anxiety.

What Are Some Examples of Different Mindfulness Practices?

• Sitting, standing, walking
• Taking pauses throughout the day to be fully present in the moment
• Combining mindfulness with other practices, like yoga, breathing, and so on

For instance, if you are walking, you can focus on how you feel picking up each foot and putting it down.  Notice how each foot feels on the ground.

In a prior article, I gave suggestions about how to do mindfulness meditation if you're a beginner (see my article: Mindfulness Meditation).

Mindfulness in Practice

There is nothing mysterious about mindfulness.  Just about anyone can develop a mindfulness practice.

Once you have learned to do mindfulness meditation, you can do it on your own.

Mindfulness meditation can help reduce anxiety because focusing on the here and now has a calming effect (see my article: Being in the Present Moment).

How Else is Mindfulness Helpful?

Mindfulness can be used in many different ways.  

For instance, you can eat mindfully.  

You can also enhance your sex drive by being mindful.

Almost any activity can be done in a mindful way by focusing on it.

For instance, if you are washing dishes, you can focus on the task at hand.  Whenever your mind wanders, just bring it back to the task.  This can be calming--even if you don't like doing dishes.

Getting Help in Therapy

If mindfulness meditation isn't enough to reduce your anxiety because you have other underlying issues or unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to work through the underlying issues or unresolved trauma (see my article:  What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in therapy from a qualified professional.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to work through unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Search For Comfort and Safety With Alcohol or Drugs

Many people who drink alcohol excessively or abuse drugs are actually seeking comfort and safety, but they might not even realize it.

A Search For Comfort and Safety With Alcohol and Drugs

A Non-Pathologizing Perspective
As a psychotherapist in New York City, I've worked with many clients who are struggling to overcome substance abuse problems.  Many of them say that the alcohol or the drug is like a friend they don't want to give up, which is understandable.

If alcohol and drugs didn't provide a certain extent of comfort or feeling of safety, people wouldn't abuse these substances.  For many people, it's might be the only comfort and sense of safety they have ever experienced.

So, asking people, who experience this comfort to give it up can feel like a very daunting process to them, especially if they haven't ever experienced comfort with another person.

A Search For Comfort and Safety With Alcohol or Drugs

From this perspective, these substances can feel like a reliable source of comfort.  Not only does it provide temporary relief, but it is usually available, especially if the substance is alcohol.  It's legal.  It can be consumed alone or with other people.  And it usually accomplishes the goal of bringing temporary relief.

Of course, the problem is that, over time, substances create other problems, including serious health problems, impaired cognitive functioning, family problems, and work-related problems, just to name a few.

Over time, it can also result in death, so that even though there is a temporary relief, there can be serious long term damage.

People often seek help when one or more of these problems develop.  By then, it can seem like a very frightening prospect to give up what works temporarily--even when people know that will ultimately do serous damage.

At that point, some people will bargain with themselves and their loved ones:  They tell themselves and their loved ones that they can control their use or that they can stop at any time.  But, often, they're the only ones who actually believe this. And if they try to stop on their own, they might discover that they can't.

It can be a long, arduous process to give up abusing substances, and many people pay the ultimate price of ruining their health beyond repair before they accept that they can't control it.

But if people, who abuse substances and their loved ones have this non-pathologizing perspective that    the substance brings a sense of comfort, it can create more self understanding and empathy for oneself as well as for others.

Learning Healthy Ways to Seek Safety and Comfort 
One of the goals of therapy or substance abuse treatment is that people who are abusing substances learn how to seek comfort and safety in other ways.

This might mean that, instead of abusing substances, they learn to self soothe by:

• learning to meditate
• learning new breathing techniques to calm themselves
• learning new grounding techniques
• developing resilience
• developing new coping skills
• learning to make better choices
• learning to choose healthier relationships
• developing a stable and manageable life step by step

Even being able to consider learning new ways involves a certain amount of trust in a psychotherapist or a substance abuse counselor, which can be challenging for someone who has never had a trustworthy relationship.

Some people will persist in abusing substances because they don't want to give up what brings temporary relief.

Building that rapport and trusting relationship can take time.  In the meantime, before people can trust enough to allow a relationship to develop, they might need to ask themselves if they are willing to try it because being willing is often half the battle.

But once people trust enough to try other ways of seeking safety and comfort, they usually discover that this is a skill the they can continue to develop and that it works.

Getting Help in Therapy
Asking for help often induces shame in people.

Most people like to think that they can control their lives and that they don't need help.  But when it becomes obvious that your life is falling apart, it takes a lot courage to ask for help.

Often, people come into therapy externally motivated because either a spouse or a boss has given them an ultimatum:  Either get help or leave.

But people who are open to the process of recovering from substance abuse often discover their own internal motivation, especially if they develop a rapport with their therapist.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're struggling with substance abuse or you're watching someone you love abuse substances, you're not alone.

Even if you can't afford therapy or you don't have access to treatment, there are 12 Step meetings in most cities and online.

Life is short.  Getting help sooner rather than later can make all the difference in how you live the rest of your life and the quality of your relationships.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.