Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

I'm discussing  triggers from a different perspective than how I usually discuss them as a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

What Are Triggers?

Therapists, especially trauma therapists, tend to focus on trauma triggers because it's helpful for traumatized clients to know how to recognize and cope with triggers. But it's also important to recognize happiness triggers to add to the quality of your life.

Although the word "trigger" tends to have a negative connotation, psychologically speaking, triggers are neither negative or positive. Triggers are experiences that evoke memories. 

What Are Happiness Triggers?

Happiness triggers refers to rituals and routines we engage in to tap into positive memories and cultivate positive experiences.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

The term "happiness triggers" is usually associated with Valorie Burton, life coach, author and motivational speaker.

What Are the Benefits of Discovering Your Happiness Triggers?

Discovering your happiness triggers can be a way of starting new positive habits because these triggers are associated with positive experiences and they can motivate you to develop positive habits.

Happiness triggers can also serve as an anchor in your life.

When happiness triggers evoke positive experiences, they access positive memories that are neurochemically wired in your brain.  

Happiness triggers can also help to pull you out of a funk when you're feeling low.

How to Develop Happiness Triggers

Happiness triggers are based on individual experiences, memories, needs, interests and values so they will be unique for each person.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

To discover your own unique happiness triggers, start by thinking about the small things in your life in the present or in the past that lift your mood and energy. It can be as simple as the ritual of having your morning coffee or tea, listening to your favorite podcast, taking a walk in the park and so on.

If you're still unsure, practice being present in the moment to experiences that bring you joy. Pay attention to your bodily experiences when you experience memories that were joyful or  evoke a sense of well-being.

Happiness Triggers Require Practice

Once you have discovered your unique happiness triggers, you need to practice them over and over again in order to develop them into positive habits.

These new habits can include behavioral, cognitive (thinking) or emotional triggers.

Behavioral Happiness Triggers

Behavioral happiness might include:

• Exercising

• Yoga
  

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

• Going for a walk in nature

• Dancing

• Listening to music

• Performing an act of kindness for someone

• Reading a favorite book

• Engaging in a favorite hobby

Cognitive (Thinking) Happiness Triggers

Cognitive happiness triggers might include:

• Reframing negative thoughts with positive self talk or affirmations

• Making friends with your inner critic

• Recalling and re-experiencing positive memories and experiences

• Practicing mindfulness meditation
  

Emotional Happiness Triggers

• Practicing gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal

• Practicing acceptance and self compassion

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

• Engaging your five senses (sight, sound, taste, smell and touch)

• Getting a massage

• Getting a manicure

• Playing a sport

• Connecting or reconnecting with a friend or loved one

Conclusion

Developing and practicing happiness triggers can increase your sense of joy and well-being.

Discovering Your Happiness Triggers

You can also discover happiness triggers by connecting to your inner world and connecting to a loved one to discover what is most meaningful and fulfilling to you.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Steps You Can Take to Overcome Loneliness

In prior articles, I addressed loneliness and social isolation from various perspectives (see my articles: On Being Alone and Solitude vs. Loneliness).  In this article, I'm focusing on steps that you can take to overcome loneliness.

Steps You Can Take to Overcome Loneliness

Steps You Can Take to Overcome Loneliness

• Stay in the Present: It's so easy to ruminate about the past and things you think you did wrong, but as long as you continue to hold onto the past, you're not allowing yourself to be in the present.  Make an effort to let go of mistakes that you made and resentments you have against others.

• Keep a Gratitude Journal (see my article: Keeping a Gratitude Journal).

• Find Meaning and Purpose in Life: Rather than focusing on how lonely you are, think about what you can do make someone else's life better.  Maybe you can volunteer for a community group or in the local school.  When you feel you have a purpose in life, it helps you to feel more fulfilled and less lonely and isolated (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life).

Steps You Can Take to Overcome Loneliness: Get Active

• Get Active:  Running, walking, doing yoga or other healthy activities can help you to have more of a sense of well-being (always check with your doctor before you start any new physical activity).

• Discover a New Social Group:  Whether it's the local book club or some other social group, being part of a group where there's a shared interest can help to enliven you and increase your social network.

• Learn to Play Again: Humor and comedy can be so healing.  Whether you watch a funny movie, read a humorous book or find other ways to increase humor and playfulness in your life, learning to play again is an important step towards helping to decrease your sense of loneliness.

Getting Help in Therapy
There are times when you've tried everything on your own to overcome loneliness, but longstanding unresolved psychological problems get in your way.

If this is the case, you could benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist who can help you to discover the possible underlying issues that keep you lonely and isolated.

Rather than continuing to be frustrated by obstacles in your way, working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the impediments that are keeping you lonely and isolated so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings and Express Them in a Healthy Way

Many people resist allowing themselves to feel their feelings fully, especially feelings that are uncomfortable for them, like anger or sadness.  What they don't realize is that by resisting these feelings, they're actually intensifying them.  They might avoid their uncomfortable feelings for a while, but these feelings will probably surface again stronger than ever.

Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings 

Aside from uncomfortable feelings coming back with greater intensity, the psychological energy that it takes to repress these feelings can be exhausting.

For some people, who manage to numb these feelings, they also end up numbing all their feelings so that they don't feel much of anything, not even happiness.

Resisting Uncomfortable Feelings Usually Intensifies Them

Rather than labeling feelings as "good" or "bad," it's important to realize that feelings are a normal part of being human.

This doesn't mean that you have to wallow in them or obsess about them.  It means that you accept yourself as a human being with a range of feelings.

Learning to Feel Your Feelings

Many people, who are afraid of their uncomfortable feelings, are afraid that if they allow themselves to feel their feelings that they will become overwhelmed.

But, for most people, making time and space for feelings usually has the opposite effect, rather than expanding, the feelings tend to settle down.

Feelings are more likely to become overwhelming when they're suppressed (see my article: Coping with Grief).

Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feeling in a Healthy Way

Rather than suppressing the feelings that make you feel uncomfortable, here are some tips that you might find helpful:

Rather than avoiding your uncomfortable feelings, create space in your mind and body for them.  

What do I mean by that?  I mean that you allow yourself, at the right time and place, to express your emotions in a healthy way rather than squelching them.

Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings

This means that, among the many ways you can allow yourself to feel your feelings in a healthy way, you can cry, talk to a trusted friend or loved one about how you feel, punch a pillow to let out anger or frustration, go for a walk or run, express your emotions in a personal journal or draw.  

The Mind-Body Connection: Feeling Your Feelings in an Embodied Way

Feelings are energy in your body, and the body often holds onto feelings, including unconscious feelings (see my article: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

The mind-body connection is important when you're learning to deal with  uncomfortable feelings because the feelings aren't just in your mind, they're also in your body.

Some people like to use movement or dance to express their feelings.  You don't have to be a dancer or "talented" to do this.  

If you can sense into your body, you can feel where your emotions are in your body.  So, for instance, if you feel your hands are clutched in anger, ask yourself what your hands feel like doing in order to express themselves.  Maybe they feel like getting wrung out or maybe they want you to rotate at the wrists.

If you sense that you're holding onto tension in your shoulders, what movement can you make to loosen up your shoulders?

This might feel awkward at first, but your body often knows intuitively what to do and, after a while if you keep trying this, you'll gain a better sense about where uncomfortable emotions are trapped in your body and learn to express them in intuitive ways.

Another example is heart openings poses in yoga where there is a more expansive feeling in your chest.  These poses often release emotion.  It's not unusual for people doing heart opening poses in yoga to feel a release of emotion.  Experienced yoga teachers know this.

Learning to Feel Your Feelings in a Healthy Way Also Means Taking Personal Responsibility

There are some people who think that allowing themselves to feel their feelings means that they can be physically or emotionally abusive towards others.  But that's not what I mean when I say to feel your feelings in a healthy way (see my article: Understanding and Expressing Your Emotions in a Healthy Way).

Feeling your feelings means that you do this in a healthy and responsible way with yourself and other.

No matter what you're feeling, you're still responsible for your feelings.

So, feeling your feelings doesn't mean that you take them out on other people or that you abuse yourself. 

Learning to feel your feelings in a healthy way means that you find healthy outlets to express yourself without abusing yourself or others.

Managing Your Stress Level on a Regular Basis

Aside from allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable feelings that you're aware of in your mind and body, it's also important to manage your stress on a regular basis so these feelings don't get to the point where they overwhelm you (see my article:  Staying Emotionally Grounded During Stressful Times).

Manage Your Stress 

Find stress management techniques that work best for you.

It's different for everyone.

Whether you practice meditation or yoga, go walking on a regular basis, or whatever works for you, be consistent so that you'll feel more balanced and grounded (see my article: Safe Place Meditation and The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation).

Getting Help in Therapy

There are times when, despite your best efforts to cope on your own, you might need professional help from a licensed mental health professional, especially if you're overwhelmed by a traumatic event (see my article: The Benefits of Therapy).

If you've tried and you're unable to cope with the feelings that are coming up, rather than trying to go it alone, seek professional help, especially if you're feeling depressed or anxious (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

If you're feeling suicidal, it's important that you get help immediately, which could mean calling 911 or going to the nearest emergency room if you feel you're in imminent danger of hurting yourself.

It takes courage to ask for help, but most people discover that taking the first step of asking for help is usually the hardest and then it tends to get easier from there (see my article: Overcoming Your Fear of Asking For Help).

Getting Help in Therapy

Recognizing that everyone needs help at some point in his or her life can make it easier to pick up the phone and ask for help.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions

Several years ago, a friend told me about her experiences in a week long meditation retreat that she participated in as a way to reconnect with her body, mind and spirit following a difficult time in her life.

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions

Although it was difficult to feel some of the feelings, by reconnecting with her inner world without distractions, her overall experience was that she rediscovered an internal source of peace, wisdom and strength that she had not experienced in many years.

Since ancient times, retreats have offered a way to get away from the responsibilities and distractions of every day life in order to heal mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Whether you go away to a retreat or you create a retreat experience for yourself through time alone in meditation, prayer or ritual, you can experience the benefits of reconnecting with your inner world (see my article:  Learning to Relax: Going on an Internal Retreat).

A World of Constant Distractions and Stress
I'm concerned that we have so many distractions, including cellphones, iPads, and video games, that many people have become disconnected from their own internal experience.

A World of Constant Distractions and Stress

Worse still, for people who became adults in this era of constant distractions, the idea of being awake without some form of distraction is foreign to them.  Not only are many of them uncomfortable with the experience of connecting to their inner world, but many of them seek to avoid it.

After a while, only relating to external stimuli can leave you feeling inauthentic, like an empty shell.

To  avoid feelings of emptiness, some people look for even stronger external stimuli to distract themselves.

The external stimuli could include alcohol abuse, drug abuse, compulsive gambling, sexual addiction, sexual affairs, spending too much time on the computer or watching TV and other compulsive habits (see my article:  Changing Coping Strategies That No Longer Work For You: Avoidance).

Taking Time For Yourself
If a retreat of week or even a few days feels like too much for you, you can start by taking just a few minutes each day to be silent without distractions.

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions

Even if you spend just a few minutes in the morning by yourself in silence, after a while, you will probably discover that it can be the most precious few minutes of your day (see my article:  Stress Management: Finding a Moment of Peace and Relaxation)

Other Ways to Reconnect With Your Inner World

• Spending time in nature
• Going for a walk
• Swimming
• Writing in a journal
• Creative writing
• Drawing
• Writing poetry
• Meditating
• Praying
• Practicing yoga
• Reading an inspiring story, a memoir or poetry
• Listening to music
• Stargazing
• Whatever feels inspiring and meaningful to you

A Transitional Time:  Taking Time to Quiet Your Mind Before Your Therapy Session
My reception area has a sign that asks people to be respectful of the people around them and the space by not talking on their cellphones.

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions:  Transitional Time

One of the reasons for this request is to help clients to be aware that they're in a transitional time before  their therapy session.  They've just come from the outside world with whatever was going on for them.  But now they have a chance to begin to quiet their minds before they come into the therapy session.

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions in Therapy

For many people, their weekly therapy session might be the only time during the week when they reconnect and reflect on themselves in a meaningful way (see my article:  The Benefits of Therapy).

Getting Help in Therapy
For people who have been disconnected from themselves for a while, attempts to reconnect with their inner world can feel too difficult to do by themselves.

If you feel like your attempts haven't worked for you, rather than struggling alone, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to recapture your sense of self and feel more authentic.

By getting help in therapy, you could start leading a more authentic and fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Creating Time for Self Reflection: Mindfulness

In a recent conversation that I had with a therapist, who is a friend and colleague, we talked about how, generally speaking, many people seem to value "staying busy" much more these days than spending even a small amount of time on self reflection.

Creating Time for Self Reflection:  Mindfulness 

I believe that this overall decrease in self reflection, in turn, has lead to detrimental health effects, lack of satisfaction with life, a deterioration in important relationships for many people as well as a disregard for the environment and the health of our planet.

In a prior article, Psychotherapy and the Mindful Self: The Benefits of Mindfulness in Therapy, I focused on why I'm a proponent of mindfulness in therapy.

In this article, I'll discuss why I think mindfulness, as one form among many, of self reflection, has overall health and mental health benefits whether you're in therapy or not.

Why Is Self Reflection Important?
I know a lot of people pooh-pooh the idea of taking time for self reflection and refer to it derisively as "navel gazing."

At the same time, people who actually do spend some time each week either practicing mindfulness, meditating, doing yoga, journal writing or coming to therapy to reflect on their lives, tend to express much more satisfaction with their lives than people who focus on just "keeping busy."

There can be many reasons why people keep themselves distracted by "keeping busy" (see my article:  Are You "Keeping Busy" to Avoid Painful Emotions?).

Creating Time for Self Reflection:  Mindfulness

By "keeping busy" most of the time, it's easy to live in a "mindless" way without self reflection or empathy for yourself and others.

Life can feel meaningless, shallow and overly routine as you become more disconnected from yourself, significant people in your life and your environment (both personal environment as well as the environment of our planet).

Becoming Mindful of the Environment of Our Planet

More than ever, I'm hearing from clients in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC that they're feeling an increased sense of loneliness and alienation.

I think there are many reasons for this, including an emphasis on "staying busy," less time for self reflection as well as less meaningful in-person contact with significant others--just to name a few causes of this complex phenomena.

As with anything, there needs to be a balance between spending time on self reflection and taking care of your responsibilities, working, having fun and everything else that is part of a full life.

By "Keeping Busy" Most of the Time, It's Easy to Live in a "Mindless" Way

We can always find something else "to do" that can eliminate time for self reflection, so it's usually a matter of making it a priority and creating the time to do it, much as you would for anything else that you feel is important.

Once you create the time for self reflection and develop this as a healthy habit, it often doesn't take a lot of time to reap the benefits.

Mindfulness and Self Reflection
Mindfulness is one way to engage in self reflection.

Creating Time for Self Reflection:  Mindfulness

Even just 15 minutes a day of mindfulness can help improve your overall health and sense of well being, and these benefits include:

• focusing on the here-and-now rather than focusing on regrets about the past or worrying about the future
• developing a greater capacity to form meaningful connections with others
• developing better coping skills
• cultivating a healthier perspective about life
• improving sleep
• alleviating gastrointestinal problems
• alleviating depressive symptoms
• alleviating symptoms of anxiety
• helping with obsessive compulsive disorder
• lowering blood pressure
• reducing chronic pain
• helping to improve communication in relationships
• developing a healthier appreciation of the environment

These are just some of the many benefits.

When you consider the substantial benefits of mindfulness, isn't it worth spending 15 minutes to help improve your health and overall sense of well being?

In my Self Reflection and Basic Mindfulness Techniques, I'll discuss some simple ways that you can practice mindfulness to get started.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Being in the Present Moment

Most of us tend to lead such busy lives that we're either focused on the past or projecting our thoughts into the future, often losing sight of the present moment. When our focus is either primarily on the past or in the future, so much of what is going on in the present can pass us by. This often robs our lives of meaning and can lead to unnecessary worry and rumination.

Being in the Present Moment

How Can We Learn to be in the Present Moment?
For many people, learning to be in the present moment can be a challenge. Unfortunately, most of us are not taught this skill as children, especially if we're raised in a household that is very goal oriented. When the focus is almost exclusively goal oriented, the emphasis tends to be on "the next thing" rather than on the present.

While there are certainly advantages to having goals in term of giving our lives direction, if we only focus on goals, we're often robbed of what's meaningful and rich in the present moment. Conversely, if our focus is primarily on the past, beyond learning from our experiences and understanding how we arrived at our current circumstances, we can get stuck and paralyzed looking backwards.

Start with Small Steps
When we're learning to make fundamental changes, we can start by taking small steps. So, this might mean taking breaks in the middle of our day, finding a quiet and private moment, closing our eyes and focusing on our breath. You don't need to know how to do any special breathing exercises. Just the act of focusing on your breath can slow down your heart rate and help you to relax.

While you're focusing on your breath, you can notice the quality of the air coming through your nostrils, whether the air feels cool or warm, dry or moist, how it feels as you take air into your lungs and feel your lungs expanding. Then, as you exhale, feeling all the stress and strain of the day leaving your body. Breathe normally and focus on whatever sensations you feel in your body.

In this way, you develop a mindful approach towards de-stressing and learning to be in the present moment. This might only take a few minutes, if that's all the time that you have or, if you can do this in a more leisurely manner, you might take more time.

Usually, you're likely to find that just the act of noticing your breath can be relaxing and refreshing. The challenging part is remembering to do it so you can do it on a regular basis.

Attending a yoga class, if you're able, can also be a wonderful way to be in the moment. As your yoga teacher gives you instructions about the poses, you're very focused on following his or her instructions, including the precise placement of your body in the pose. Usually, whatever you might have been worrying about before yoga class no longer preoccupies your mind because you're very focused on the yoga poses and the coordinated breathing that goes with the pose. Afterwards, most people feel relaxed and have an overall sense of well being.

If you think you might like to learn to meditate and you're new to meditation, you can get CDs that appeal to you with guided meditations. You might find that you have "monkey mind," a tendency for your thoughts to wander from one topic to the next, similar to a monkey jumping from one tree top branch to the next. But that's okay. As each thought comes into your mind, you can notice it and just let it go, like clouds that are passing in the sky.

Getting out into nature and really noticing the sights, sounds, and scents around you can also be a wonderful way to be in the present moment. This doesn't require any special skills. You just need to be present and take in what's around you.

People who know how to be in the present moment usually discover that when they return to whatever task or issue that they were concerned about before, they come back to it refreshed and much more creative than if they just continued to plod on.

As a psychotherapist in NYC, I encourage my clients to develop both internal and external resources, including being able to visualize in their mind's eye a safe or relaxing place. If they can't visualize a safe or relaxing place, I encourage them to think about a person, pet, symbol, spiritual being (if this has meaning for them) that gives them comfort and use that in their visualization.

Each of us can learn to develop our own preferred way to be in the present moment and, in doing so, discover a sense of contentment and gratitude.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me,

The Mind-Body Connection: Can Yoga Improve Your Mood?

According to the Journal of Alternative and Contemporary Medicine, recent studies have demonstrated that yoga has been shown to increase GABA (gamma-aminobuturic acid), a chemical in the brain that helps to regulate nerve activity.  GABA is usually reduced in people with mood disorders, and doctors often prescribe medication to increase GABA to improve mood and decrease anxiety.

Mind-Body Connection:  Can Yoga Improve Your Mood?

According to the journal article, the study, which was conducted by Dr. Christopher Streeter and his colleagues of Boston University School of Medicine, measured GABA levels in people who practiced yoga and found an increase in GABA levels after a yoga session.

Dr. Streeter and his colleagues found these results encouraging and suggest that longer term research studies are needed to continue to explore the benefits of yoga with regard to mood and anxiety.

The study seems to corroborate what many yoga practitioners have been reporting anecdotally for years--that they have a sense of peace and well-being after their yoga sessions.

A word of caution: Although the research findings about how yoga can improve your mood are encouraging, it's always best to consult with your doctor and psychotherapist before you stop or decrease your medication.

About Me

I am a New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR therapist, and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Stress Management: Creating Quiet Time for Yourself

Many people have such busy personal and work-related schedules that they consider finding quiet time for themselves to be a luxury. Most people are far too accessible by cell phone, Blackberry or other modern technology that, even when they make an attempt to create quiet time for themselves, they're often intruded upon when they're trying to relax

Stress Management: Creating Quiet Time For Yourself

Far from being a luxury, creating quiet time for yourself is a necessity for your physical health and overall well-being. And, as such, creating quiet time is an important part of stress management. The medical benefits have been known to include lower blood pressure and heart rate. Even just taking a few minutes each day to close your eyes to relax can be helpful to your peace of mind.

In the US, we tend to be people who are always on the go. Pressuring ourselves and responding to outside pressure in our lives, we feel we have to work faster, harder and longer. Even when we play, so many of us feel that we must "play hard."

For many people, the idea of taking quiet time during the day seems like a waste of time that could be better used to do one more chore, to make one more phone call, or to do one more task.

When I talk to people about creating quiet time in their lives, they often respond that they don't have time. They tell me about all of the things that they must do and all of the things that they don't get to that they feel guilty about.

How I Create Quiet Time For Myself:
I understand how busy life can be. My workdays tend to be long and my schedule is often hectic. If I chose to, I could fill my every waking hour with work, phone calls and other tasks. In order for me to have quiet time in my day, I have to make a conscious effort to build it into my schedule, just like any other appointment or task.

Usually, during the week, I find at least 10-15 minutes around lunch time to either meditate or do some restorative yoga poses as part of my stress management routine. I turn off the phone, put my Blackberry away, and take off my watch in order to feel that this time is really mine. Those 10-15 minutes of relaxation make such a positive difference in how I feel the rest of the day.

Over the weekend, I usually attend two yoga classes that include several minutes of quiet relaxation at the end of the class. During the class, the yoga instructors give very detailed instructions about each pose so that I must focus my attention on what they're saying, what I'm doing, and how the pose feels in my body. I don't have time or space to focus on anything else, so that the hour and a half that I spend in class allows me to get away completely from my daily concerns. It feels like a moving meditation. Afterwards, not only do I feel relaxed, I also feel refreshed and leave the class with a sense of contentment.

For me, simple pleasures are best for creating quiet time. One of my favorite simple pleasures is going to the local community bookstore, which has been there for over 25 years (even though one of the major bookstore chains has been within walking distance for the last 10 years). The staff in this bookstore is knowledgeable, friendly, and involved with what's going on in the community. They encourage customers to come in and relax.

If I go early enough, this bookstore is usually quiet. I can choose a book from the shelf, sit on the couch and allow myself to enter into the author's world. My cell phone and Blackberry are usually off during this time.

There are two cats in this bookstore, and if I'm lucky, one of them comes to cuddle and sleep in my lap. Aside from enjoying the cats' company, as creatures who know how to relax, they remind me how to stretch and find a few peaceful moments to myself. On sunny days, the garden in the back is the perfect place to sit, read, sip tea, admire the plants and trees, listen to the birds, play with the cats, or get lost in a book.

From early on, my mother instilled in me a love of books. We would make trips to the local library at least twice a week to take out new books. Then, we would go to the park that was across the street from my school and my mother would read to me. The books that really stick in my mind are the Madeline series by Ludwig Bemelmans. Even today, when I'm in the local bookstore, which has a section for children, and I hear a parent reading  to her child, I get vicarious pleasure from eavesdropping and hearing the familiar stories.

I might stay in this bookstore 10 minutes or I might stay a couple of hours. How ever long it is, I usually feel like I've gotten away because it's a special time and a special place that's just for me that I allow myself to have.

So, those are some of the things that I do to create quiet time for myself. But what about you?

Suggestions for Creating Quiet Time For Yourself:

Get Up a Little Earlier Than You Usually Do to Have Some Quiet Time:
There is something so precious about having 10-30 minutes to yourself before the rest of the family gets up or you're expected to respond to other people's needs. Even if all you do is have a soothing cup of tea before your day begins, it's a good time to reconnect with yourself.

Rather than using that time to make to-do lists or take care of other chores, just sit, be quiet and breathe. I'm convinced that most of us are so busy talking and doing things that we don't take time to relax and be quiet. And many of us go through the day not realizing that we're often holding our breath much of the time due to excessive tension. So, remembering to be conscious to breathe fully is an important part of relaxation.

Take Time to Be Quiet at Lunch:
Even just a few minutes at lunch time to close your door to relax can be beneficial and, in the long run, make you more productive. Going out for a walk to a nearby park, river or peaceful place in nature can also be very relaxing. Can't find a nearby nature spot? How about watching dogs play at the local dog run?


Create a Peaceful Environment for Yourself:
I have two offices and both of them have pictures of nature. In one of them, I have a picture that's called "Proust's Garden." I have no idea if this is actually what Marcel Proust's garden looked like, but the name of the picture and the picture itself, full of plants and trees with dappled sun and shadows, has such a positive association to relaxation and beautiful prose that whenever I look at it, I feel peaceful. It's a very inviting picture that draws you in.  Clients often comment about that picture and how soothing it is. 

 In that same office, I have seashells on my bookshelf. Aside from the actual beauty of the shells, they're a reminder of the ocean and peaceful days spent by the water. In my other office, the picture that's behind me is of a garden and a gazebo. Clients often comment about that picture too and how restful it is when their eyes land on it.

Even if you have one picture or one object that you like that your eye can land on from time to time, your association to that object can bring about a state of well-being when you can't get away.

If you think about it, I'm sure that you would discover other ways that are meaningful to you to create quiet time for yourself. And when you do, you'll experience the benefits of having that special time that you deserve.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Stress Management: Finding Moments of Peace and Relaxation

It seems that, for many of us, finding a moment of peace and relaxation is becoming more and more of a challenge.

Stress Management: Finding Moments of Peace and Relaxation

With so many people multi-tasking, answering their cell phones while they're also sending out email, watching their computer screens at the same time that they're watching the news on TV, rushing from one place to another, finding a moment of peace and relaxation often takes a backseat to just about everything else and the typical response is, "I just don't have the time."

Taking A Few Minutes to Relax and Unwind
What we sometimes forget is that it often only takes a few minutes to unwind and relax. We can take an internal mini-retreat from our hectic day by finding a quiet place, taking a few deep breaths, closing our eyes for a minute or two and picture ourselves in a calm, relaxing place.

Stress Management: Finding Moments of Peace and Relaxation

In our mind's eye, we can go on a mini-vacation to any peaceful place that we choose to get away from the stress and strain of the day. As you breathe and picture this calm, relaxing place, allow your muscles to soften and relax. This short meditation can help refresh you for the rest of the day.

Taking just those few minutes to relax can make such a difference. When we return from our internal mini-retreat, we often feel refreshed and better able to tackle whatever stressors life throws our way.

It's important to have your own personal strategies for stress management that work for you. It can make such a big difference in your physical as well as emotional health and well-being.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I have helped many clients to learn to relax, create and develop their own stress management strategies that work for them.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Power of Starting the Day with a Positive Intention

How you start each morning often sets the tone for the rest of your day. Starting the day with a particular intention that is meaningful to you is a powerful way to begin your day.

The Power of Starting Your Day With a Positive Intention

What is Meaningful to You?
Your intention can be whatever is meaningful to you--having a peaceful day, opening up to new possibilities, feeling more confident, improving an aspect of your relationship, developing your intuition, enhancing your creativity or taking a step towards realizing one of your goals.

Often, people have only a vague sense about their intentions. They might need inspiration to help them get clear about what they want.

Starting the day by reading an inspirational passage in a book, reading poetry, listening to music, meditating, praying, taking a yoga class, exercising, or taking a walk can help to inspire you to set an intention for your day.

Writing down your intention can also help to define and clarify your intention.

Find Ways to Act Upon Your Intention
As you go through your day, think about your intention and find ways to act upon it. So, for instance, if your intention for the day is to bring more serenity into your life, ask yourself what you can do to make that happen on this day.

If this is your intention, can you take a few minutes at lunch time to close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing? Can you pay attention to the quality of your interactions with others and ask yourself if you're communicating in a way that creates the serenity that you want in your relationships?

Reflect Upon Your Intention At the End of the Day
It's also helpful at the end of the day to reflect on your intention and ask yourself if you were able to manifest what you wanted. If you did, that's great. And if you didn't, rather than berate yourself, think about what you might have done without judging yourself harshly.

Having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life can enhance your sense of self and help improve your relationships. Starting each day with an intention that is important to you can help you to achieve your goals, feel more empowered, and improve your overall sense of well being.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.  I have assisted many clients to discover their intentions and develop more meaningful lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.